Wow, I hate packing. There's just so much of it to do. I have so much stuff, it's just unbelievable how much I've accumulated over the years. I visited my neighbour next door in my old place, and I finally got to see his apartment. His apartment is so sparse compared to mine, and it looks so roomy because he hardly has anything. I was standing there and marveling at how he could live with so few things. I don't think I could do it. I like to have things around me, my clothes, my books, the things I buy when travelling, my shoes, and my jewelry.

But maybe I don't need that many things because when you have to pack it all up and move it, it's a pain, a big giant pain in the wazoo.

And it's bloody bleeding raining outside today, when I was supposed to move enough stuff to spend my first night in new place. I need to make two trips tonight to take my twin size futon bed, my bedding, and my clothes. Then I'd like to make another trip to empty the fridge and freezer, and take the coffeemaker, the coffee grinder, the blender and enough breakfast things for tomorrow.

It's supposed to rain tomorrow as well, and that was going to be another big move day. I'll probably spend all day Sunday making trips back and forth. What a pain! All my friends are out of town or too busy to help, so it's just little old me. I'd like to ask rock star drummer guy to help, but he was in a really bad car accident a couple of years ago and he has the most awful back problems.

There's no much left to move except my clothes, the stuff in the fridge and freezer, the rest of my food, my shoes and my plants. I'm going to have let the movers move the rest, and just pray I don't suddenly need anything I've packed away in a box. If I do, then well, I'm just going to go out and buy it again because I'm certainly not going to open my packed boxes.

I was writing a post last night, and when I clicked on the Post & Publish button Blogger fritzed out. I had written a long piece, and now it's all lost. Too bad. I'm just not in the mood right now to rewrite what I wrote last night.

Oh well. I met my downstairs neighbour last night. He was really nice, and he made feel welcome. That was sweet. I think he used to be a psychotherapist, so it was kind of like getting a free shrink session. I hope I will be a good neighbour for him.

My office is shutting down at 11 am, but I might leave before then. It will be good to have the rest of the day to take more things to my apartment. I want to sleep in my new place tonight. I brought over the TV, VCR and stereo over last night, as well as most of the food in my cupboards.

The movers are arriving next Friday to move the boxes, the heavy furniture, and whatever else I don't want to move myself. It's going to be weird to only have half my things, but it seemed a good idea to have the movers come later rather than first.

I'm exhausted. Moving a car full of stuff tuckers me out. I should be able to make more than one trip a night, but one trip seems to be my limit. Hopefully today, I can make at least more than one trip, but I'll see.

I watched the ending of "Manor House", and it was bittersweet. The people talked about leaving the Edwardian era, and returning back to their 21st century life.

I'm starting to feel that way about my move to my new apartment. I've been at my place for 8 years, and it does feel like I'm saying goodbye to one era of my life and entering into a whole new era.

I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I've been wanting to move since November, and maybe even longer than that, although I didn't admit it to myself. But at the same time, I've grown safe and comfortable here. It's been home for a long time. When I used to move every two years, moving was no big deal. This experience has been incredibly traumatic and very anxiety producing.

I know I'm moving into a better place, with more room and less noise, but it's the fear of the unknown and the stress of having to get used to a different neighbourhood that's been making me extremely nervous.

I'm not only moving apartment, I'm also leaving my office to work from home. I think I could deal better with one of the two, but not both.

I do have the incredible feeling that I am entering into a much better phase of my life, and that's been a comfort at least. I won't have to hear the noisy neighbour upstairs. I'll have parking, and won't have to worry about having to move my car every night or wonder what's happening to it.

I'm also trying to see working from home as something that I need to know that I can do. My big dream in life is to be a full time writer, and full time writers work from home. They don't go into an office and work. They sit in front of their computers at home, and write. If I can't work in my corporate job at home and be productive, I'll never be able to work from home as a writer and be productive.

I think I'm very disciplined about work, so it will be interesting to see if I can maintain the same standard while I work at home. My old boss told me today that I'll be fine. He's been working at home for about five years, and he loves it. He can't imagine working in an office, even though he did for a time. He's even cut back to only working part time, because he and his wife just had a second child. His wife also works at home and she can make more money than him working full time, so they decided that he should go part time and she should go full time.

Everyone I know who works at home loves it, and seems very happy. I hope the same result will happen for me. Working at home can't be that different than working at my work place. At work I had my own office, and I always worked with my door closed. I had some interaction with people at work, but not really that much other than to exchange pleasantries in the kitchen or in the hall. I was never one of those employees who was very social at work, at least not at this job.

How can working alone in my office with the door closed and staring at my computer all day, be that much different from sitting at home at my desk and staring at my computer all day? When I look at working in this way, I don't see that much difference, but I guess I'll find out in the next few months.

I know I have to stop looking at my life as permanent, because it's never been that way. There have so many changes in my life over the last few years, and I've always been able to cope before. I've changed job three times since 1997, I bought a car, a really good friend died, I've gone through a few romantic relationships, I became seriously involved in the growth and development movement and was even contemplating becoming a life coach or a seminar leader before I left, I spent three years taking acting classes and was cast in a play, and I started taking writing classes, started two novels and a play, finished several short stories and a screenplay, was in an instructor led writing group for a year, joined another writing group, and for a time was even part of a screenwriting group.

My life has been in a constant state of flux, so all my moaning and groaning about having to leave the permanency of my life seems to have been nothing but a lie that I've been telling myself. But perhaps it's very human to tell yourself lies about how stable your life is. I think it's stressful to think of your life as changing constantly, and that it seems perhaps less stressful and in the short term easier to have the illusion of permanency in your life.

But it's an illusion nonetheless, and I just have to realize that.

Is the universe standing in the way of my move? I'm supposed to half move this weekend, and there's this huge storm due in tomorrow night. The cable TV person is coming on Saturday to set up my cable at my new apartment, and turning off the cable in my old apartment. The phone guy is set to be at the new place on Monday to hook up the phone, and turn off the old phone. But the movers aren't coming till next Friday.

I should have moved this Friday, but the office is closing on Friday and it felt weird not be here to say goodbye to everyone. Starting Monday I'm officially supposed to start working from home, except I took Monday off because the phone guy is coming over.

I wanted to spend Friday night sleeping in my new place, and move over what I need for the week before the movers arrive on Friday. What a drag though to move your stuff in the rain. I need to move as much as I can over the weekend, because my only free nights next week are Tuesday and Thursday.

How did I do all of this in the past? I don't think I had as much stuff as I do now. My stuff all has to be in boxes for the movers, and getting everything into a box is so hard. There is just so much stuff. I've made two trips to Uhaul to buy boxes, and I still don't have enough. I was even able to obtain four boxes from work yesterday, but I still need more boxes.

I'm moving my clothes in suitcases, and just putting the clothes on hangers into a garbage bag and taking them over to the new place. But there's only so much you can do each night after work. I wish I could justify hiring people to pack for me, but it's just too expensive. I don't mind paying for movers, but it feels wasteful to have a company pack up my personal stuff. Still if I had the extra cash, I think I'd do it because I'm getting so sick of moving.

My worst nightmare is I'll need something that I've packed away in a box, and I won't remember which box I put it in. Then I'll be tempted to open up each box to find what I need.

This is why moving is so stressful and traumatic. There's just too much to do and there doesn't seem to be enough time to do it all in. And it's even worse when the weather doesn't cooperate.