I've heard it said that you have "other worldly" experiences when a loved one dies. So here's mine.

I'm lying in bed crying thinking, "why didn't grandma wait for me, she knew I was coming to take care of her in a week?" I felt like moans were coming from deep inside of me somewhere and I hurt all over.

I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling and I saw this really bright light. First I thought it was the sun making a reflection through my window, so I closed my eyes again and went back to crying.

Then it occured to me that maybe I had seen some kind of vision, some kind of ghost. So I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling, but the light was gone. So much for ghostly visitations.

But then the light appeared again, and it was so strong it hurt my eyes. I kept looking at the light, and it was like a door had opened, and someone was peeking in at me.

People who have near death experiences say that when you die, you see this really bright light and the end of a tunnel.

Then the light and shadow faded like a door had closed. So I'm thinking maybe grandma died because she couldn't resist the light, she couldn't resist the heavenly light of god's love.

I'm sure she was thinking, "why come back to this world and my frail old body and few more months of life, and the loneliness I've felt these last 10 years after my husband's death. God's light and love is so irresistable, how can I not go?

I know I have loved ones who want to see me, but God's light and love seem so comforting. I can't resist, I have to go, it's too strong, and the only thing keeping me here is seeing my family.

But they'll understand, they'll know I couldn't resist the light, it's too strong, too inviting, too peaceful. I am tired, I am tried of fighting my body, I am tired of living, I want to go home, home to where I came from, home to God."

I know my grandma is happy where she is, wrapped in God's love and surrounded by angels and other loved ones who have also passed. I know she probably couldn't resist the light.

From a fave astrology site - forecast for Wednesday July 9:

"Mars is about to come closer to the earth than at any point in the past 73,000 years. Between now and September, it will be brighter in the sky than it has ever been before. Traditionally of course, Mars is the war planet."

Is this why the world is going on a helter skelter ride right now?

When it rains, it pours. Like we're talking monsoon here.

Just when I have to deal with my family thing, my work life goes bonkers (bonkie)!

I have back to back conference calls tomorrow morning starting at 9 am, and if I end up flying home on Thursday, I have a conference call an hour before my airport shuttle arrives.

I hate this! My life is stressing me on all sides. As an old boss used to day, "it's just another nail in my coffin."

My grandmother died a couple of hours ago. I am in shock. When we last spoke, she was very happy that I was coming home to take care of her and that we would be able to spend some time alone together.

The doctors put a stint in her heart today, and a few hours later she died.

So much for best laid plans and plans for a short future.

My only consolation is that my grandmother and I made our peace together many years ago. There was nothing I needed to say to her, nothing hidden, nothing unsaid that I needed to tell her before she died. Except "I love you, thanks for taking care of me, and goodbye." Things I'd already told her over the years many times.

At least I got to talk to her. Perhaps her last thoughts of me were that I was coming home to take care of her, and how happy this made her. I'm hoping for this at least. It makes the pain more bearable.