It was a work holiday today, but I woke up early to take my car into the shop to get my right headlight fixed since it was out. I thought there were going to charge me a ton for it and I was going to have a wait a long time, but they got it done in an hour. Times must be tough at my car dealership when they're handing out roses to their customers to thank them for taking their car in for repair. In the five years I've been dealing with them, they've never been that nice.

Then I was off doing errands all morning. I went to Target to buy some cleaning supplies and ended up with a new lamp and Brita water filter to fit over my faucet. I've been wanting a Brita filter for my kitchen faucet for a long time, and when I saw it on sale I had to buy one. I also ended up with a new paper shredder, since I burnt out the small one I had. So much for just picking up a few things at Target.

Then I went to pick up gas at $2.09 a gallon, and I'm thinking to myself I'm so glad I don't drive to work anymore. Gas is so expensive! I wonder how families with huge gas eating cars are doing with these gas prices. They're only going to go up too, and not go down.

I love Target so much! They've always had great stuff, and now they're stuff is so much better because they do knockoffs of the merchandise at stores like Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrel. Since I regurlarly browse in these kinds of stores, I know an imitation when I see one. And Target does it for much cheaper and unless you're really looking close, sometimes you really can't tell the difference between the merchandise.

I actually saw a quilt I liked at Target. I've been wanting to change my bed quilt for a long time, and just can't seem to find a pattern I liked. Target had a lovely quilt, but only one pillow sham. I would have had to go to another store to find a second pillow sham, and I decided it wasn't worth the bother on the holiday even at Target's oh so cheap prices.

Then it was off to the mall to visit Nordstrom to buy some makeup, and then I was supposed to go to Macy's to buy a thank you present for someone but I decided it was better to buy it online so I could have the online retailer mail it for me, so I would one less errand to do.

And then it was back home to do my cleaning chores that I skipped all weekend, so much for a fun three days off from work.

Does it seem like the economy is really bad to you? It does to me. I don't think people are buying as much stuff, and shoppers aren't certainly out in droves like they used to be for a holiday. But I did my part today to support our consumer driven economy and came home with a ton of stuff.

Sometime I hate that I love to shop. I have so much stuff, and I keep buying more of it. I feel like paring down my stuff and just throwing everything out. I just threw out out a $80 shirt I bought years ago because it was looking frayed. I could have fixed, but I haven't worn it in five years and it's not really my style anymore.

I want to go through my whole closet and throw everything out, and just start from scratch. But it takes money to do that, and I really can't afford it right now. Besides I feel really fat right now, and I know I shouldn't be shopping for clothes until I lose some weight. I'm just so sick of all of my clothes right now.

For my Christmas/bday present, a friend took me to see the Broadway play "Caroline or Change". We had orchestra seats which were nice, and despite the fact that I'm not a big Tony Kushner fan, I really enjoyed the play. It's fun to see a Broadway musical in San Francisco, without having to go all the way to NYC. One of the characters in the play even won a Tony last year for best support actress in a musical for her role in this play. She's a local favourite, and my friend reminded me that we saw her in "Tartuffe" and "Resurrection: Changing History" at ACT. She even thanked ACT in her acceptance speech at the Tonys last year.

I liked the musical a lot, although the end left me very unsatisfied somehow. But all Tony Kushner's plays have that affect on me so I shouldn't be surprised. Sometimes I think he tries to be a bit too clever and intellectual for his audience, and it robs his plays of what the greeks would call a "cathartic ending." Oh well, whatever, it was a fun play to watch and singing was phenomenal.

I've been in a weird mood lately. Everyone at work has been out with the flu, and I've been tired and feeling like I'm fighting the flu as well.

I've been sleeping a ton which is weird, because I am usually a total insomniac and can only sleep for 5-6 hours at at time. Not anymore. Who knew I could sleep so much and not feel tired during the day?

My anxiety is back, but kind of at a low level. It was gone all of January it seemed and now it's back, or trying to come back. Every day it feels like something is going to happen, but nothing ever does. Just little things the right headlight going out in my car over the weekend, and then on Tuesday I lost one of the books for my greek drama class and had to repurchase the book.

I went out with a really good friend of mine on February 5, and we bopped around and went to the Asian Antique Art Show and then to China Town for the Flower Fair for Chinese New Years. I had a great time with her, but then I got kind of bummed when she told me she called her wedding off.

My friend told me she's been in love for like two years and last fall got engaged with a $6K platinum diamond engagement ring and wedding planned for June. I've been really sort of jealous only because I was wishing it could happen to me. But now the whole thing is off and my friend is freaking out because the guy is like living with her, and she doesn't know what to do with him. She loves him and all, but is having serious doubts about marrying him.

She had a laundry list of his faults, and I kept saying to her "didn't you notice these things in the two years you were together?" and she said no. It's only been since the engagment that she's noticed what an unsuitable partner he is. Part of her misery is driven in part by the fact that she's unemployed. It's amazing how lack of money can really put a damper on your life. But part of it is, and I didn't want to tell her this from the beginning, that he really is opposite to any guy she's told me she's ever dated. Her fiance is so not her type, and I knew that when I met him but I kept my mouth shut because she seemed so in love and like I was anyone to give advice to my best friend on being in love.

But like any good friend, I told her to stick with him because she loved him and maybe when she got her finances in better shape he wouldn't be so bad. And besides, breaking up is hard and painful especially if you've been living with a guy for over two years. I didn't know what else to say.

So I'm having a Marcel Proust "Remembrance of Things Past" week where I'm eating foods that I've loved in years past.

I had tuna sandwiches for lunch the last two days, which so reminded me of growing up and eating home packed school lunches. Then today, I went to Baja Fresh because I had a craving for nachos. I used to live on nachos and ate them at least once a week. I'm not sure why or when I grew out of my nachos phase, but I hardly eat them any more. Pizza is the same say. I love eating pizza but I hardly do it unless I'm with friends.

So I'm ploughing through my Baja Fresh nachos and I'm thinking to myself, I can't believe use to eat this dish regularly because it's really not that tasty. I get the same way with tuna sandwiches. I crave them for awhile and then end up thinking it's just not a very good lunch. It's kind of sad really.