A post not about a past life memory

I changed the blog to focus on past life memories, but I am going to break my own rule and write a review of “Any Human Heart”, a series I binge-watched on Amazon Prime yesterday.

Here’s the link to the show - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Any_Human_Heart_(TV_series. The serieswon the BAFTA award for Best Drama serial in 2011, and is based on a novel. The novel writer also wrote the teleplay.

Okay, confession time. The series stars Matthew Macfadyen (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Macfadyen), a British actor who starred in Spooks (MI-5), Little Dorritt, and was Mr Darcy to Keira Knightley’s Lizzie Bennet in a recent Pride and Prejudice movie remake. I have a major film actor crush on Mr. Macfadyen.  God, the man is so cute and adorable. I like that his emotions show in his eyes, and for an English guy, he looks like he’s got some heft to him and is not super thin. I like my boys with some meat on them. Seriously, sleeping in bed with a too thin guy is like sleeping in bed with a hairy girl size wise… YUCKY! The one time I did it, I was afraid to lay my head on the guy’s chest for fear of being too heavy. NO THANKS.

Back to Any Human Heart.  Apart from being a good story about a person’s life, the movie struck me on a very deep level for the following reasons.

Reason # 1. The main character in the tv series lived a very long life, but was really only happy for I would say 15-20% of his adult life, and that was when he was with the woman who was the true love of his life.

• OMG. This frightening fact is so sad, and I think fairly true. I mean, how many people do you know are in a relationship with the person they know at some darn deep level is the true love of their life? And then count how many of those couples if you can find them in your life, are still together? Don’t think you are going to get a high number here.
• Think of the implications of this fact. Let’s say you live 60 years of adult life, which is not an unreasonable figure given medical advances. But on average out of those 60 years, only 20% of your life will be really happy with the definition of happiness meaning you are with the love of your life and the relationship is for the most part content. That 20% means 12 years, which then means the other 48 years will either be you wishing to meet the love of your life, or if you’ve met them and for whatever reason they're not with you anymore, you’re going to spend the rest of your life wanting them to be there until at the end of your life, and then you’re going to imagine them calling out to you and when you physically die. You are also going to end up being with people or marrying people who remind you of that true love of your life, because being alone is never fun, but they can never be that person, and then you are going to resent them for not being that person and you will make them and yourself miserable. Oh, and don't forget you will probably hate yourself for trying to marry the fake love of your life. And then if you are so inclined, you will medicate yourself with drugs, alcohol or both, to escape the relationship hell that you’ve gotten yourself into.  These are not pleasant thoughts.
• Or you could be like me, and wondering if there is anyone I would like to see at very end of my life when death is about to take me, and realize, no person comes to mind. The implication of this situation means could mean a variety of things:
• You’ve never truly met the love of your life, and I mean the true love of your life, because this is the person you want to see on your death bed calling to you from the other side to be with them. The implications of this scenario are mind boggling as well, especially if you thought you might have met the true love of your life and told that person that, and are now regretting it because it was just one big fat lie.
• You are incapable of feeling the depth of emotion required to have one great love of your life, which implies you may be shallow and don’t even know it.
• You were born amazingly emotionally stunted from birth, and just never got the hang of the whole emotion thing.
• You’ve never been in love before, which I cannot even imagine what this feels like because I am one of those people who fall in love quite easily.
• You’ve had such a horrific childhood that falling in love with someone is just not something will ever happen in your life because you are so emotional f-ed up. 
• I could go on and on, but the last point is making me too sad so I have to move on to the next point.

Reason # 2. Growing old and not having enough money is not a good thing. I mean being any age and not having money is never a good thing, but at least up to a certain age you can go out and get a job.  As one ages, getting a decent job to support yourself becomes harder and harder, which means having enough money to buy food is difficult.  The new fangled term for not having enough money to buy food is called “food insecurity”. It sounds a bit better than starving, but it practically means the same thing.

• Feeding America reported that in 2013 that 9% of all senior were food insecure. With the way food prices have gone up, I am sure that number is higher now.
• And there are tons of anecdotal stories of seniors surviving on cat or dog food because it is cheaper and they think they need to eat some sort of protein to live.
• I do not want to be one of those people who are forced to eat pet food. That just freaks me out. I’m not even sure if it’s real meat in the pet food anyway, at least not the kind of meat most people are used to eating. I mean for all I know, it could be horse food or a sci-fi nightmare like Soylent Green which is food made from people. In the recent movie Snowpiercer, they ground up insects to make protein bars.
• I am so ready to start learning how to eat low calorie or the LifeExtension diet, the theory of which being to live longer you need to start eating less food. But I really don’t care about living longer. I just think it might come in hand to start learning how to eat less now, so that by the time I get to senior age I will be used to not eating a lot of food. The LifeExtension diet is also very low protein and almost no cooking, which would be perfect if you are an old git and don’t want to cook anymore.

Reason # 3. When you live a long life, you are inevitably going to be in situations where you have to get up and go, and I mean literally get up and go  and where all you have is a few possessions because either there is an impending disaster or war and you need to get the heck out of dodge. There is a disaster or war and you lose all of your possessions because your dwelling place is no longer there anymore.

• When I work up this morning, I realized that I had way to many possessions. And that if an impending disaster natural or otherwise were to happen, I could lose everything and have to start over.
• I remember this couple whose house burnt down in the Oakland Hills fire years ago. They told me the things they wished they had saved were their family and wedding pictures. They took some possessions when they evacuated, but they never thought to take their pictures. The couple had just gotten married a few years earlier, and the woman was so bummed out not to have saved her wedding pictures.
• So other than pictures, what is there to really hold onto? Jewelry maybe, because some of them need to be kept for sentimental reasons because they belonged to long dead family members. I’m not sure what else. My writings? Maybe, but they can always be recreated. And if there were was a total disaster, who is to say that I would be able to access all the stuff that is now stored on a computer or drive or on the Internet. Would I even have access to a computer if I stored everything on the web.
• What is so sad for me is as I survey all my possessions, I would be a little sad were I lose them, but mostly I would be freaked out at having to replace them after losing them.
• And when you get old, I don’t think I am going to living in a very large place. I mean, who is going to want to do housework for a big place when you get old even if you the money to have a big place. You are going to want something very small with little to no cleaning. As seriously when you get very old, your senses go anyway. I’ve walked into old people’s house that just stank really bad and I don’t think they knew how bad it smelled because their sense of smell was practically non-existent. And once your eye sights goes, are you really going to notice whether something is dusty or not?
• Even traveling becomes a pain because when you get really old, you lose a lot strength and lugging about a large suitcase is not going to work for you anymore. I saw an older woman going to Kauai with a small suitcase. I thought she would be able to handle it, but she needed help lifting it up into the overhead bins. And the suitcase was really small, maybe 18 inches. I don't even know how she was going to get around Kauai because you need a car when you’re there. But I heard her make taxi reservations to go to the Kauai Marriott, which I thought was a good choice for an older person because you don’t have to leave the resort. They have restaurants onsite, the beach is there, and they probably have shuttles to take you places if needed. I mean it’s expensive but at least all your needs are taken care of at the resort.

Okay, now I am really depressed and want to watch the tv series again. I also want to own the DVD and may even read the book.

I remember reading that hip hop artists love the Brian de Palm movie Scarface for the lessons. Any Human Heart is having the same impact on me. I may have to watch this series bunches of times to absorbe all the lessons, but there are definitely lessons in this Brit tv series.

A past life memory from a possible future timeline.

At 10 am an announcement was made through my building’s PA system that all US citizens were now subject to random genetic testing, and the occupants of our building were going to be taken to a testing center at a nearby research facility in Palo Alto for the test. Everyone on my floor stood up and we all looked at each other in surprise. I had seen the reports on alternative news websites about the random genetic testing, and about the government efforts to find those citizens suspected of having a large number of alien genetics. But some part of me didn’t know if those reports were true or false.  There was nothing on mainstream media  about the random genetic testing, and you would think that if the government was rounding up large groups of people to test that the  mainstream media would be reporting on what was going on because it affected so many people.

But before anyone had a chance to say anything, I saw what looked like soldiers  in combat gear walking around the floor and position themselves so there was a soldier for each two rows of cube. The building PA announcer came on again and told us to get ready to leave the building and follow the soldiers outside. We could bring food if we wanted and other personal effects, but we could not take our cellphones and purses. Food and water we were bringing had to be carried or had to fit in our coats and jackets.

I sat down and unlocked my drawer to open my purse. I took my makeup bag, a pen and paper, and other things I thought I would need and stuffed into the jackets of my ski jacket, grateful I had this jacket today with its many pockets. I locked and my drawer, and searched through my backpack for a protein bar which I carried for emergencies and grabbed my water bottle which thankfully was already full of water. I was debating whether to try and smuggle my cellphone, but decided against it in case I was caught.

I heard a large tapping on the wall of the building so I stood up and saw that everyone else on my side of the floor already had their jackets and coats on except for me. I hurriedly put on my coat and as soon as it looked like I was ready the solider standing in front our cubes yelled “Follow me and no talking!”. He walked towards the elevator and my cube mates and I lined up and followed him. I looked at person behind me who was a good office friend, and she shrugged her shoulders and shook her said. I looked into her eyes and I knew she was as scared as I was, but we both knew there very little we could do about our situation. The soldier who was assigned to our cube rows opened the floor door and indicated that we should walk through.  There were more soldiers in the elevator bank. When the elevator door opened, one of the soldiers stepped into the elevator and told us to get in. They tried to cram as many people as could fit into an elevator, and I was glad when we reached the lobby and doors opened.

There were more soldiers in the lobby directing people where to go. Outside of our building were four large white buses and the soldiers were escorting people onto the bus. Before you could get on the bus, each passenger was scanned by another soldier with what looked like a satellite dish. The solider with the satellite dish pointed it a person and if it detected something, I watched as another soldier search that person and find a cellphone. The solider took the cellphone and tossed into one of those large grey bins that you see at airport security checks. The bin looked to be full of phones. I shook my head glad that I decided not to smuggle in my cellphone.

But even after the cellphone search, there was another body search and I saw pens and paper being discarded as well into another grey bin. I guess the military didn’t want anybody recording anything about the genetic random testing. It also also looked like the military had blocked off our street because there were no cars going by outside and I did not see the usual stream of people walking around outside on our side of the street and also across the street. I wondered if people from other buildings could look down and see what was happening, and what they thought.

When it was finally our turn to step outside the building, I looked up and saw that a large white tent had been erected which blocked the view of what was going on with our building from onlookers in surrounding buildings.  This meant that no one could see what was happening, and all they would see I think is the four white buses leaving the tented area. I couldn’t see any military vehicles either. But I did notice that outside of the tent were men dressed in navy blue jumpsuits and navy blue baseball hats surrounding the perimeter of the tent like guards.  If the men in the navy blue jumpsuits set up the tent and the soldiers came in the large buses, no one watching the tents being set up would even know this was a military operation.

When it was my turn to get on the bus, I passed the satellite dish test but during the hand search test the solider found my pen and paper and threw them into the bin. He didn’t say anything and indicated that I should get on the bus. Another soldier was standing in the middle of the bus and indicated that I should sit in one of the empty seats near him. Thankfully it was a window seat so I could see outside. The soldier on the bus kept repeating no talking if someone said something, so we were not being allowed to talk about what was happening to us.

The process to get the whole building into these buses went quickly, and soon as bus was full of people the book took off. There was no military escort so as not to draw attention to the bus, and the bus was one of those commuter buses that were taking employees down the peninsula to Yahoo or Google, so there was nothing to indicate to the outside world that my whole building was being kidnapped by the US government for some crazy random genetic testing.

I started to feel sleep and noticed that people around me were starting to feel sleepy as well. I vaguely wondered if the Army was pumping the bus full of gas to make us sleep. I had the wild urge to stand up to see if the soldier who had remained on our bus had put on a gas mask, but I was too afraid. I looked down at my watch and saw that it was 10:30 am and then I blacked out.

I heard a loud noise and jerked awake. For a second I didn’t know where I was, and then it all came back to me. I looked down at my watch and saw it was 11:30 am. Wherever the bus had taken us, it was an hour away from downtown San Francisco. I looked outside and saw that the bus was parked in some kind of building. A voice came over the bus speaker system and told us to stand up and to move outside of the bus. I stood up and saw people lining up to get off the bus.

We were herded by another solider as soon as we stepped off the bus into a long line of people who heading towards a room that was located almost to the end of the large building where the buses were parked. I looked around but there was not much to see. Anything that would distinguish what this building had been taken down, and the place looked very empty like it had hardly been used.

I looked at the faces of the people in line some of whom I knew from work, and all I could was fear. This experience was so out of our realm of experience that I was sure some people were in shock. I think I was in shock as well because I felt like I was in the middle of some bad dream and that I was going to wake up at any time. And if it was a dream, why was my dream full of people from work. I hardly dream about people from work, and if people from work are in my dreams, it is only the ones that I know very well or who are in charge like the CEO or VP of my division.

The room where we being led to was also large. There were people lined up and being made to stand in front of a large scanner. On the other side of the scanner, were three groups of more people. Once you were scanned, you were led into one of the groups.  The first group had 10 people. The middle group had numbers that looked to be twice that size, and third group was the largest. I wasn’t sure what group what was what, but I assumed that the smallest group were the people who had the largest amounts of alien DNA. I didn’t think there could be that many humans with much alien DNA. I looked at the people in smallest group, and there was nothing to indicate that there so called reptilians types of Nordics.  They looked like ordinary people. I had even been meetings in some of them and they didn’t stand out in anyway. They were smart but everyone at work was smart.

When it my turn to turn in front of the scanner, I saw there was a person in a lab coat turning on the scanner.  Behind the person in the lab coat were two soldiers who looked to be overseeing the process.  I felt somebody staring at me and looked up and was surprised to find another room high above where we were with glass windows.  I didn’t notice it when I was scanning the room earlier. Looking down on me were a group of military types in more formal uniforms, and some of the uniforms were covered in medals.  Then I saw another odd looking person on the right of the medaled group of soldiers. He was very tall and blonde and looked to be wearing some kind of robe. He was dressed like a character out of a Star Trek movie or maybe even Star Wars because the robe looked like something a monk would wear.

The monk-robed man started staring at me, so I looked down feeling a little creeped out. I felt the air around me vibrate and I looked up to see the shocked faces of the people in front of me. The vibration stopped, and the man in the lab coat smiled at me. All of a sudden there was the sound of a ringing phone, and the man in the lab coat reached into his pocket and took out his cellphone. He didn’t say anything but I watched as he nodded while staring at me the whole time. The man in the lab coat dropped his phone back into this lab pocket coat, and walked over to one of the soldiers and said something to him. Something was going on.

The soldier walked over to me and told me come to follow him.  He led me past the man in the lab coat and went to stand near a set of doors. I looked back to see if anyone had noticed, but there was another person standing in front of the scanner so they were continuing on as if nothing had happened. I scanned the line of people and some of were looking in my direction, but then a group of soldiers came up and lined up in front of them them blocking their view.

I heard a noise and the door opened and the solider told me to step into the room. As I entered the room I saw an elevator open and another solider standing there. The door closed being me. The soldier told me to step into the elevator. I stepped into the elevator and the door closed, and the elevator went up with just me in it.

The elevator door opened and standing outside the elevator was the monk-dressed tall blonde man. He nodded and gestured for me to step outside. The men in the uniforms with the the medals were there studying me.

I heard a voice in my head saying don’t be afraid. I looked back at the monk-dressed tall blonde man and he nodded as if to acknowledge that he was the voice I was hearing in my head. As he was able to read my thoughts, he said in my head, “Don’t worry about the others. They will not be harmed. But they will be categorized. Don’t use your mouth to speak. Use your mind.”

“Why am I here?” I said in my mind wondering if he could hear me. “Your percentage of alien DNA is the highest we have tested so far. The generals are all wondering why no one has flagged you. Your military keeps track of people that they suspect of having high percentages of alien DNA. You were looked at but never flagged, and that bothers them. Why you ask? Because they are now wondering how many people they have missed. Your presence has caused a national security emergency.”

“But I am not an alien. I am human like everybody else.” I screamed in my head.

The monk-robed tall blonde man smiled. “If you didn’t have a high percentage of alien DNA, we wouldn’t be having this mind to mind conversation. A normal human would take years of training to do what you are doing without any training. But don’t worry. It will all be explained. There have been legends, rumors really, about the reptilians hiding their offspring in plain sight. The reptilian children often do not know they are reptilian and go about their normal lives until something happens to trigger their abilities. In your case, your government had been tracking you because at age 9 you were tested and had the reading level of an 18 year old. Such intelligence anomalies in children are automatically flagged and case files are opened up to study these children. I have read your file and although you had an intelligence anomaly and some physical anomalies like extraordinary eyesight and better than average physical abilities, there was nothing that out of place to warrant testing further. Oh, you were always watched and your file is full of observations about your life but there was nothing to suggest that you had the high percentage of alien DNA that the scanner found. In fact, until my people made the modifications last year, you probably would have tested into group 2. Group 2 is for people with a high amount of alien DNA but not enough for the government to be concerned about for national security.”

“And what exactly is my percentages of alien DNA?” I asked again in my head. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know the answer to this question, but I felt that I needed to ask.

"67%, which means 2/3 of your DNA is not of human origin. And for your information, the highest we have found is 40%. And those people that have the 40% alien DNA could not have a mind to mind conversation because I have tested them myself. We much to talk about you and I. You will need to undergo further testing. Your government wants to make sure we find those that are like you, and they want to use you as the test experiment.”

A past life memory from ancient Egypt.

I looked at the head priest from the Anubis temple, and wondered why he had asked to have an audience with me. My husband was away with the overseer for a few days to check on the granaries, so I knew he felt safe coming to the palace. Although my husband had diminished the influence of the head priests and their many gods, they were still well-respected members of our kingdoms. I looked at him kneeling before me patiently, and sighing I raised my hand so he could stand up and speak.

“My Queen, may the God Anubis bestow many blessings upon you for your health and happiness, and may Ra forever bless you.” I nodded and smiled. He always started sessions with those blessings, which always sounded so sincere but which always left me wondering whether it was all just an act.

“How is my daughter doing in her schooling? I trust she is not giving you any trouble.” My oldest daughter had begged to be taught at the Anubis temple, and after many months of persuasion, my husband had finally agreed to let her go and study there.  The temple schools were the best in the land, and although he had launched a campaigning to stamp out the influence of the ancient gods in hopes of instilling in the country his one true God, even he had to admit that our daughter would receive the best education if she was educated in a temple.

“She is a wonderful student. She has  already been talked about by the teachers as being at the top of several of her classes.” The head priest recited with pride.

“Good. Then can I assume you are here for another reason although I cannot understand what that reason would be”

The head priest nodded, and then clapped his hands once. I felt the air shift a little, and when I looked back at the Anubis head priest I saw that he had assumed the visage of Anubis himself. “Daughter, know who I am?” Anubis growled at me. I think he was trying to intimidate me, but I was not afraid.

“You are the great God Anubis” I said matter of factly.Anubis smile and bowed. “To what do I owe the pleasure of you being here at court.”

“Your daughter will one day be my head priestess. And for giving me your daughter, I would like to offer you something that I have never offered outside of the temple. I wish to give you the gift of being able to call on me for protection, and for the gift to reincarnate with you so you will always have it.”

“What does that mean exactly?“

Been going out after work so I haven't felt like writing. It takes a lot to get into the space where I can remember a past life memory. But I do want to keep up the habit of writing every day, so here goes.

A past life memory from Dogon

We were alone finally, and I felt exhausted. There were too many people to attend to. Too many people who were following us around, wanting us to touch them so they could be blessed. This was not why we came here. We did not come here to be worshipped as gods. We came here to teach, to lead. He told me were coming to teach and lead.

I looked at the man, my twin, whom I had been for so many lifetimes. When did he change I wonder? He wasn’t like this when we first came to this planet. He only wanted to teach these people that we found.  So we taught them about our planets. We thought them what we knew. We told them about our four sets of twins, who would come later. We told them about the water beings that lived on our twin planet, that had come here ahead of us to live in the sea. We told them that these water beings would stay here and help guide them, if they were ever in the water.  We went to the sea and summoned them, and the people marveled at the dolphins and whales who came close enough to shore to be seen.

But after two years, something changed in how these people regarded us. I sometimes wonder if people started treating us differently when they realized that after two years we hadn’t changed, we hadn’t aged like they did. I wanted to explain it them, but he told me not too. He said it would confuse people if they knew nothing could harm us. It wasn’t really true that we could not be killed, but it would take a lot to kill us and we doubted anyone had the knowledge to kill us.

So instead of treating us like teachers, as honored guests of their culture, the people started treating us as special people. We were moved to a larger living dwelling. I protest but he said that we needed the extra space anyway. Our daily classes became larger as more and people wanted to learn what we were teaching. I was actually quite happy that more people wanted to lear, so I rationalized to myself that this new elevation in status was for the good.

But I think I knew deep down that this was all wrong, that we were heading down a path that if not stopped now, would be harder and harder to leave once started.But the changes the villagers were making were so gradual, that I think I could be forgiven if I said it was hard to complain when only gradual changes were being made. Besides, I did not blame these earth people. I blamed my husband. He knew exactly what he was doing. And what’s more, I knew that he was welcoming these changes.