So I have so "instant karma". Like I can't get away with anything bad without instanly getting caught. I wouldn't wish instant karma on my worst enemy, it's that bad.

Anyone who says San Francisco is a big city has obviously never lived here. San Francisco is a city made up of small towns/neighbourhoods linked together. It totally feels like you're living in a small town sometimes instead of a city with a population of over 850,000.

There is no anonymity in San Francisco because you run into people you know all the time. It's horrifying. I stopped going to Whole Foods for awhile, because I kept running into guys I had dated or people I knew but didn't want to have conversations with.

There is nothing more embarrassing than hiding in the back of some store, hoping your ex doesn't see you and praying that he leaves the store right away so you can get your grocery shopping done.

At church today, someone came up to me and said she saw me walking up Fillmore early this morning going to the sister church. I didn't say anything, because I was like so shocked. Then she laughed and said, "it's good to go church shopping." How embarrassing!

The only reason she saw me was because her mother attends our sister church and teaches preschool there, and they live in the neighbourhood.

It's a time like this that I wished I had moved to Manhattan instead of San Fran. I grew up in a small town, where everybody knew who you were and knew your business. One of my biggest youthful dreams was to a move to a big city where I could be anonymous, and not be somebody's daughter or somebody's relative. I wanted to live freely and not have anyone know what I was doing.

But in San Francisco it's practically impossible. I can't even church shop without members of my own church finding out. I so hate this small town living! I hate life in the San Francisco fishbowl.

I bought a three-ballet ticket series with a friend of mine, and instead of me having to pay, my friend paid for my portion and said it was her Christmas present to me.

Ballets tickets for Christmas ... tres cool!

In the NY Times Online edition this morning, there was an article entitled, Judging 2003's Ideas: The Most Overrated and Underrated.

This idea was considered underrated, and I think it's the most exciting political movement I've read about in ages.

"Hip-Hop Politics

Countless local hip-hop activist groups around the country are on the cutting edge of grass-roots activism and politics that matter most to the hip-hop generation. Organizations like the San Francisco-based Ella Baker Center for Human Rights; the 21st Century Leadership Movement, based in Selma, Ala.; and the Hip-Hop Political Action Committee in Chicago have been in the trenches laying the groundwork for organizing the hip-hop generation into a concrete voting bloc. Four signs point to their growing influence: Active Element Foundation's publication of the "Future 500," which documents grass-roots youth activists nationwide; presidential candidates arming themselves with hip-hop to reach out to young voters; the much-discussed National Hip-Hop Political Convention in the works for June 2004; and the often-overnight platinum sales of hip-hop CD's that, once channeled into votes, will mean the end of politics as usual."

I wonder if Howard Dean will suddenly admit he likes rap/hip hop music, like the way he's now saying he's a JC believer.

I just remembered that while I was at that one corporate job during the Clinton years, I had to keep my mouth shut at meetings that I was a Clinton supporter.

I would be at these meetings with corporate directors, vice presidents, executive VPs, and the president/CEO of the company, and they were all republican hating Clinton people. And there I was, a lonely analyst, and probably the only Clinton supporter. Those guys would after awhile would start Clinton bashing, and I would just sit there and say nothing and smile.

Those guys all outranked and outearned me 4 or more times to 1. My boss, my boss' director, and the VP our oof our department were all there, and they Clinton bashed their hearts out. What could I have said? They signed my paycheck.

Not that they cared what I thought anyway. I was a woman and a lonely analyst. What did I know?

My boss knew and he used to tell not to pay attention to any of it. It was all just testerone flying around and the guys were one upping each other, and besides, they all figured I was a Clinton supporter anyway.

This was his way of trying to make me feel better, but it didn't help except I did learn to smile and agree and keep my mouth shut when I didn't agree with someone. A lesson that has served me very well in corporate america, I might add, because I kept getting promoted yearly at that place.

I had one manhattan too many at a cocktail party, given by a friend of mine who is obsessed with "Sex and the City", but I have to relay this story.

My friend, who hosted the cocktail party and who founded her own theatre company and runs another theatre company as well, told me I had convinced her to vote for Gavin Newsome. She was all set to vote for Gonzalez, but we had a long talk and she said what we discussed made her change her mind. I thought for sure that what I had said had no effect on her vote. She voted for Ammiano, so I was sure she would vote for Gonzalez. Besides she lived in Gonzalez' district, so I expected her to vote for her supervisor.

So when told me tonight she had voted for Newsome I was happy. But as the party progressed the talk turned to politics, and I started to feel bad. Most of the people were there had worked for my friend, because she directs as well as produces play in the city. The actors and other theatre types had all voted for Gonzalez, and my friend hadn't told them she had voted for Newsome.

I couldn't participate in the Newsome bashing, but then I thought I was safe because the discussion turned to Bush. I don't mind a good Bush bashing discussion myself, but then everyone there seemed to be anti-war freaks.

Feeling out of place I decided to leave, and as I was leaving I told my friend I was feeling uncomfortable with all the political talk. My friend looked at me and said, "What about me?" I felt guilty then.

I felt good that I had helped to convince her to vote for Newsome, but I felt bad that I had put her into an awkward position with her friends. My friend told me not to worry about it. None of the people there except for her directed or produced plays; they were actors or technicians. They had no power over her in the theatre world, and in her position as a director or producer who has hiring/firing power over actors and technicians, she has the upper hand.

But then she reminded me that directors and producers have all power, and that's why she became one. Actors and technicians have to suck up to directors and producers to get jobs.

Still I felt bad though. I didn't mean to get her in trouble with her group of friends. I didn't even think I had any influence over how she was going to vote, but she told me I had.

Elections are lost one vote at at time, but in these partisan times that we live in, voting seems to be hazardous unless you're in a position of some kind of power. That's horrible isn't it? My friend doesn't care that she voted for Newsome, but she wasn't going to announce it to any of her acting friends either.

I decided that I didn't want to offend anyone either, so I just left the party. Too many manhattans had made me way too bold, and I didn't want to say anything I would later regret.

Maybe our parents were right when they said that "one shouldn't discuss politcs in polite company." It's way too dangerous.