So that Thursday interview didn't go well at all and I received a message on Friday that they weren't going to go forward with a second interview. I took Friday off as well so I didn't pick the message up till today. I was very bummed until I spoke to a woman who I remembered worked for this company. I took her out for coffee this afternoon, and she told me horror stories about the group I interviewed with.

I even showed her the names of the people and projects they sent me and she said "I had dodged a bullit because those people were insane." I probably would have taken the job because I so desperately want to get out of my job. I really trust this woman at work. We have become good friends and we have many of the same interests in common. She is also a writer, a really, really good writer! The woman can write circles around me, so I really respect her opinion.

So now I'm rethinking whether I even want to keep applying for jobs at this company. The woman at work who used to work there says she knows a ton of people there and they're all very unhappy and trying to get out. Wow! Our conversation was so eye-opening. She said the company where we're at now is heaven compared to that hell-hole.

I felt so relieved talking to my friend at work this afternoon because I interview very well, and I didn't know why I was struggling with this interview. C, the woman I had coffee with this afternoon, said it was my guardian angels making sure I didn't get the job. Cute huh?

I think I'm going to have rethink my job search. I mean, if I'm moving sometime next year hopefully to Southern California to be with M-Square, does it even make sense to get a new job. I was thinking that if I got a job with a company that had offices in Southern California, I could transfer. But now that I think about it, most companies probably want you to be with them for awhile before they let you move like maybe six months to a year. Do I really want to wait that long to move? Wouldn't it be easier to just move down there and then job hunt?

There are just so many things up in the air right now. I spoke to another friend tonight and she had an intuition while I was talking to her on the phone that she saw me working in Southern California next year. Interesting huh?

Well, the universe has put up road blocks in my job search. I'm like one of those people who never has a problem geting a job, even in a bad economy, so I think I need to rethink what I'm doing. My job isn't that bad. It's not the best, but I do have the freedom to leave at the end of the day and focus on other things. I love my boss and the work is relatively easy. And yes, there are issues and personality conflicts but as I was told this afternoon by my work friend, there are always going to be issues at every job.

And now I'm wondering if all this job stuff is just another way I have of distracting myself from focusing on my writing. It's been months since I wrote. With my job going south and then things happening with M-Square, writing has been the farthest thing from my mind. And when I don't write, I know I start to get really, really unhappy.

My mind is all jumbled right now. I really need to regroup, rethink, and restrategize what is going on with my life. I think at this point in the past, I would have blamed the guy I was dating for my unhappiness and dumped him first just to clear the decks. But no way am I doing that with M-Square although it's tempting only because it's my modus operandi.

I think for now I'm going to stay in my current job, but maybe mix it up a bit like going to work earlier and leaving earlier. Sometimes even a little change in your work routine will do wonders for a job. I'm also going to write every day. I'm going to do Nanowrimo in November so I might as well start practicing writing every day. My intuition tells me if I just start focusing on my writing, everything usually works better for me. It's always worked that way in the past, so let's see if history repeats itself.

I had my interview yesterday and it made me remember why I hate interviews. I can't tell whether I did well or not, and I hate that feeling. That group has a ton of openings, and the interview I had yesterday was just a screening interview. I don't even know if I'll make it past the screening. Oh well.

I just applied for two more jobs at the same company. I like the location a lot. The commute will be an hour but it's near Lake Merritt and my gym is right there.

I don't even know why I'm even looking for a job. Part of me just wants to stay at my current job until I decide that I need to move down to SoCal to be with M-Square and then just look for a job down there. But the other part is just plain fed up with my current job and it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to even go to work.

What's really sad is that the woman at work whom I don't get along with has such a bad reputation in the company now. I was in a meeting a couple of weeks ago and people sniggered when her name was mentioned. That's a bad sign isn't it? Even the relatively new guy laughed about her. You get the feeling that everyone thinks she's a piece of work, and she is. Even the newest person in group whom I walk with twice a week has heard she's a terrible manager. Boy, when you've got a bad rep in a company word spreads fast even among the newbies.

I know there's a better job for me out there somewhere. I just have to find it. I think I got spoiled because the current job I have was so easy to get. But now that I've been in the job I can see why it's had such a high turnover rate. They have to really careful about who they hire because there a nut jobs running the department.

I've been driving myself nuts searching thru iTunes for this song I used to really like. I thought if I looked at iMixes I would instantly spot it, but that was a bad idea. Finally tonight the song lyrics came back to me and the song was "Possum Kingdom" by the Toadies, which I googled and found. When I finally typed the song name into iTunes, it didn't make into anyone's iMixes yet. I must be the only person in the country who liked this song, still remembered it and then spent two days trying to find it. But I'm excited I have it, although as I listen to it now I'm not quite sure why I liked it so much.

New songs bought from i-Tunes:

A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall by Bob Dylan
A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall by Joan Baez
Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground – Willie Nelson (M-Square is my angel)
California Dreamin' – The Mamas and the Papas
Dedicated to the One I Love – The Mamas and the Papas
Monday, Monday – The Mamas and the Papas

So because I'm a glutton for punishment, I signed up to Nanowrimo for 2005 even though I didn't my 50,000 word novel last year. I don't know if I want to start a new novel, which you're supposed to do or try to finish one of the unfinished ones.

Oh, psychological angst of my unfinished novel pile not to mention my short but still still unfinished short story stack! Boohooo, boohooo, boohooo!