Does this mean you're on the verge of an emotional nervous breakdown when this song gives you crying jags?
Malibu by Hole
Crash and burn
All the stars explode tonight
How'd you get so desperate
How'd you stay alive
Help me please
Burn the sorrow from your eyes
Oh, come on be alive again
Don't lay down and die
Hey, hey
You know what to do
Oh, baby, drive away to Malibu
Get well soon
Please don't go any higher
How are you so burnt when
You're barely on fire
Cry to the angels
I'm gonna rescue you
I'm gonna set you free tonight, baby
Pour over me
Hey, hey
We're all watching you
Oh, baby, fly away to Malibu
Cry to the angels
And let them swallow you
Go and part the sea,
yeah, in Malibu
And the sun goes down
I watch you slip away
And the sun goes down
I walk into the waves
And I knew
Love would tear you apart
Oh and I knew
The darkest secret of your heart
I'm gonna follow you
Oh baby, fly away,
yeah, to Malibu
Oceans of angels
Oceans of stars
Down by the sea is where you
Drown your scars
I can't be near you
The light just radiates
I can't be near you
The light just radiates
Monday, June 30, 2003
Sunday, June 29, 2003
The cute strawberry blondie boy was in my bible class this morning, and I was so shocked and freaked out. I was thinking I should've plunked my fat arse right next to him and start up a conversation but I'm way too stressed about my grandma dying to be thinking about getting to know some guy.
At least I was dressed okay, with my thigh high silk short skirt, two inch heels and hose, and semi-fitted sweater. I would've been felt worse if I was dressed like a slob, and at least I looked good I think.
Then after class he was right there in the social hall before the service started, and I was willing myself to go over to him and say something, but I just can't deal with the stress of having to meet someone new right now.
That old bible phrase kept going through my head, "knock and it shall be opened unto, seek and you shall find, etc". I had a perfect opportunity to introduce myself to the cutest single man I've seen walk into that church in years, and I blew it because I'm stressed out.
I'm bad, I'm so bad. So what do I do instead? I start talking to the ex-catholic brother guy who attends church, and I start telling him about the bad catholic sermon I heard on Thursday.
It was a total missed opportunity on my part, and another example of how my timing is so bad when it comes to men most of the time.
My only hope is he comes to bible class next couple of Sundays, and hopefully I'll get used to him being there and I'll calm myself down enough to introduce myself.
Too bad ex-catholic brother man isn't that attractive because I really like him. He's so spiritual, and really, really smart and really, really sweet guy to boot. Who knows if he even has thoughts in that direction anyway, since he was a catholic brother for 25 years.
This is all a moot discussion for me anyway. I'm like way to stressed out to even be thinking about starting a relationship.
I know when I go see my grandmother, I think I am leaving in two weeks, that emotionally I'm going to be a mess. I'm already an emotional mess as it is, and it can only get worse because even though I know I'll still see my grandma while she's still alive, it's only a matter of time before she dies.
And when she dies, I know I'm going to turn into a basket case and need time to mourn and reassess my life, and do all the things you need to do when someone you've loved all your life dies.
The next three months are definitely going to be an emotionally trying time for me, just when I thought my life was starting to calm down a little bit. The last thing I need is to get involved with some guy right now.
At least I was dressed okay, with my thigh high silk short skirt, two inch heels and hose, and semi-fitted sweater. I would've been felt worse if I was dressed like a slob, and at least I looked good I think.
Then after class he was right there in the social hall before the service started, and I was willing myself to go over to him and say something, but I just can't deal with the stress of having to meet someone new right now.
That old bible phrase kept going through my head, "knock and it shall be opened unto, seek and you shall find, etc". I had a perfect opportunity to introduce myself to the cutest single man I've seen walk into that church in years, and I blew it because I'm stressed out.
I'm bad, I'm so bad. So what do I do instead? I start talking to the ex-catholic brother guy who attends church, and I start telling him about the bad catholic sermon I heard on Thursday.
It was a total missed opportunity on my part, and another example of how my timing is so bad when it comes to men most of the time.
My only hope is he comes to bible class next couple of Sundays, and hopefully I'll get used to him being there and I'll calm myself down enough to introduce myself.
Too bad ex-catholic brother man isn't that attractive because I really like him. He's so spiritual, and really, really smart and really, really sweet guy to boot. Who knows if he even has thoughts in that direction anyway, since he was a catholic brother for 25 years.
This is all a moot discussion for me anyway. I'm like way to stressed out to even be thinking about starting a relationship.
I know when I go see my grandmother, I think I am leaving in two weeks, that emotionally I'm going to be a mess. I'm already an emotional mess as it is, and it can only get worse because even though I know I'll still see my grandma while she's still alive, it's only a matter of time before she dies.
And when she dies, I know I'm going to turn into a basket case and need time to mourn and reassess my life, and do all the things you need to do when someone you've loved all your life dies.
The next three months are definitely going to be an emotionally trying time for me, just when I thought my life was starting to calm down a little bit. The last thing I need is to get involved with some guy right now.
Friday, June 27, 2003
Grandma Update
They took her off the respirator yesterday, and she seems to breathing fine. Angioplasty was successful, and now they just need to watch her. Still it's touch and go I guess, until the doctors say she can fly home.
I'm planning a trip home in the next month or two, depending on what happens next with her care.
After 9/11, the media reported that people were feeling the urge to merge and were merging like there was no tomorrow, I guess because that's how some people felt.
I had the opposite reaction. If things had gone from bad to worse after 9/11, I knew I would survive better on my own than with someone I barely knew.
Now with this family tragedy, I'm feeling this overwhelming urge to merge. But I've had crisis boyfriends before, and although they've provided wonderful soft landings, the question becomes what do you with them after the crisis is over.
Because after every crisis, I started to not like every crisis boyfriend I was dating. It's not like I did it on purpose, it just happened that way. Crises tends to impair my judgement in a serious way, and I'm not sure I want to go through a stress of a lapse of judgement.
They took her off the respirator yesterday, and she seems to breathing fine. Angioplasty was successful, and now they just need to watch her. Still it's touch and go I guess, until the doctors say she can fly home.
I'm planning a trip home in the next month or two, depending on what happens next with her care.
After 9/11, the media reported that people were feeling the urge to merge and were merging like there was no tomorrow, I guess because that's how some people felt.
I had the opposite reaction. If things had gone from bad to worse after 9/11, I knew I would survive better on my own than with someone I barely knew.
Now with this family tragedy, I'm feeling this overwhelming urge to merge. But I've had crisis boyfriends before, and although they've provided wonderful soft landings, the question becomes what do you with them after the crisis is over.
Because after every crisis, I started to not like every crisis boyfriend I was dating. It's not like I did it on purpose, it just happened that way. Crises tends to impair my judgement in a serious way, and I'm not sure I want to go through a stress of a lapse of judgement.
I just saw the movie "2 Fast 2 Furious", and I totally loved it. I think I'm going to have get both "The Fast and the Furious" and it sequel "2 Fast 2 Furious" on DVD.
They're probably the kind of movies I should be embarrassed to own, but I love them like I love the movies "Predator 1 & 2". I don't know why, and I don't really care either.
"2 Fast 2 Furious" definitely makes it to my top chick flick list, along with "Black Hawk Down". "Top Gun", "Matrix", "Matrix Reloaded", "The Fast and the Furious", "The Crow", "Triple X", and both "Lords of the Rings" movies.
Wow, the blondie boy was so cute, and Tyrese had this unbelievable body. And all those great racing scenes, car chases, and car crashes, and a killer soundtrack with bump and grind rhythm and groove. What's a girl not to love?
They're probably the kind of movies I should be embarrassed to own, but I love them like I love the movies "Predator 1 & 2". I don't know why, and I don't really care either.
"2 Fast 2 Furious" definitely makes it to my top chick flick list, along with "Black Hawk Down". "Top Gun", "Matrix", "Matrix Reloaded", "The Fast and the Furious", "The Crow", "Triple X", and both "Lords of the Rings" movies.
Wow, the blondie boy was so cute, and Tyrese had this unbelievable body. And all those great racing scenes, car chases, and car crashes, and a killer soundtrack with bump and grind rhythm and groove. What's a girl not to love?
Thursday, June 26, 2003
I'm starting to doubt whether I should order shoes online. I ordered a pair of shoes which I just received, and I specifically ordered them because the website said the heel was 2 inches. I love 2 inch heel shoes; I feel so tall in them and they look fantastic with short skirts.
I received the shoes today, and the heel is not 2 inches but 1.5 inches. I even measured it myself with a ruler and compared them to my other shoes with 2 inch heels.
So I'm on the phone with customer service, and a guy answers, and I'm like having a apoplectic fit because I don't think he gets that half an inch makes all the difference in the world for a woman's shoe.
He then tells me that if I had ordered the shoe by phone, I would have gotten the correct the heel height because his order screen said the shoe had 1.5 inch heel. And I'm like, why is it wrong "your website", is that my problem or yours?
So of course, I had to order another pair of shoes with a 2 inch heel, and I asked him three times to make sure the shoe had a 2 inch heel.
The shoe I ordered with the wrong heel height is so cute too, that I can't decide if I want to return it. I'm thinking the shoe might look great with pants or jeans but never with skirts, long or short.
I'm sure the male customer service rep was thinking, half an inch, what's half an inch on a shoe. But half an inch makes all the difference in the world on a shoe worn with a very short, thigh high skirt, and even a long skirt as well. Ask any woman!
Here's the shoe, Isabel; stylish but from a comfy brand.
I received the shoes today, and the heel is not 2 inches but 1.5 inches. I even measured it myself with a ruler and compared them to my other shoes with 2 inch heels.
So I'm on the phone with customer service, and a guy answers, and I'm like having a apoplectic fit because I don't think he gets that half an inch makes all the difference in the world for a woman's shoe.
He then tells me that if I had ordered the shoe by phone, I would have gotten the correct the heel height because his order screen said the shoe had 1.5 inch heel. And I'm like, why is it wrong "your website", is that my problem or yours?
So of course, I had to order another pair of shoes with a 2 inch heel, and I asked him three times to make sure the shoe had a 2 inch heel.
The shoe I ordered with the wrong heel height is so cute too, that I can't decide if I want to return it. I'm thinking the shoe might look great with pants or jeans but never with skirts, long or short.
I'm sure the male customer service rep was thinking, half an inch, what's half an inch on a shoe. But half an inch makes all the difference in the world on a shoe worn with a very short, thigh high skirt, and even a long skirt as well. Ask any woman!
Here's the shoe, Isabel; stylish but from a comfy brand.
Facing the death of a loved one and silly childhood thoughts
My aunt in Florida got me started on this track. My aunt is convinced that if she goes to see grandma, that grandma will die. She said that grandma told her she wanted to see her one last time before she died, and that was two years ago.
My aunt got me all freaked out, because here's what grandma said to me. She said she would stay alive until I got married again. Grandma is old fashioned, and she thinks that women can't survive in the world unless they're married.
So I'm thinking, because this is what you do when you're indirectly staring death in the face, that I wonder if I've stayed unmarried all this time to keep grandma alive.
It's a silly thought and very childish I know, but I wonder if this belief is living somewhere in my brain. I mean after all, who wants to see their grandma, my second mommy die.
See the problem is, when you have two mommies you have to experience your mother's death not once but twice. Mom # 1 is dead, and that experience haunts me to this day.
I know there's some childish part of me that wants to delay the death of mommy # 2 as long as possible, and if mommy # 2 said she wouldn't die until I get married again, why not just not get married. Then mommy # 2 will live forever.
Childish, isn't it?
My aunt in Florida got me started on this track. My aunt is convinced that if she goes to see grandma, that grandma will die. She said that grandma told her she wanted to see her one last time before she died, and that was two years ago.
My aunt got me all freaked out, because here's what grandma said to me. She said she would stay alive until I got married again. Grandma is old fashioned, and she thinks that women can't survive in the world unless they're married.
So I'm thinking, because this is what you do when you're indirectly staring death in the face, that I wonder if I've stayed unmarried all this time to keep grandma alive.
It's a silly thought and very childish I know, but I wonder if this belief is living somewhere in my brain. I mean after all, who wants to see their grandma, my second mommy die.
See the problem is, when you have two mommies you have to experience your mother's death not once but twice. Mom # 1 is dead, and that experience haunts me to this day.
I know there's some childish part of me that wants to delay the death of mommy # 2 as long as possible, and if mommy # 2 said she wouldn't die until I get married again, why not just not get married. Then mommy # 2 will live forever.
Childish, isn't it?
My friend, who I went to West Virginia with and who I play "spot the mullet with whenver we go out, are going to see this movie called American Mullet.
My friend always wins because she's totally into mullets. She even sends me mullet haikus whenever she finds them on the Net.
West Virginia was fun because we could play "spot the mullet" every day. Best places for mullet sightings in the SF Bay Area are at sporting events like Giants and A's baseball games, football games, and county fairs.
My friend always wins because she's totally into mullets. She even sends me mullet haikus whenever she finds them on the Net.
West Virginia was fun because we could play "spot the mullet" every day. Best places for mullet sightings in the SF Bay Area are at sporting events like Giants and A's baseball games, football games, and county fairs.
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