I had the weirdest dream this morning. I was out body surfing which I haven’t done since high school, and I was far away from shore like maybe out a mile. There were these huge waves that were coming out towards me, but instead of coming from the ocean they were coming from the shore. It’s like the ocean was backwards or something in my dream. When I woke up the first think I remembered was that the waves were backwards.

Anyway, the waves were huge and usually if a big wave like maybe a 10-12 footer is coming towards you, you need to dive under the wave to not get caught up in it. Instead of diving, I just kicked my legs back and forth like a ballerina and rose up above the wave watching it crest beneath me. In the dream I did this a bunch of times. Very strange! There was some surfer guy there next to me on an orange board and he commented on how huge the waves were. He ended up diving under the wave like you’re supposed with his board, and I just kicked my legs and fluttered up above the wave.

The water was also green and not blue. Not sure what this means and I can’t remember what color ocean water is when it’s really warm. I think the water was warm because I was wearing a swimsuit. But why the waves were originating from the shore and not from the ocean is so puzzling to me.

I haven't been writing much lately. Last Tuesday I had a midterm for my greek drama class. I'm not sure how I did because it was all essay. I'll find out tomorrow.

It's allergy season and my allergies while not too bad, leave me exhausted at the end of the day. By 5 pm, I'm tired and I want to sleep. I've been meditating again, this time in a completely new and different way that I'm thoroughly enjoying so much I try to do it for an hour when I come home.

I meditate on JC. This is completely new for me and something I didn't think was possible but it's definitely working and so, so cool. I was thinking today that maybe if my I hadn't been so depressed these last four months I might never have discovered this new way of meditation. I hate that though, that my heart has to break into a million pieces before I learn to make any kind of progress in my spiritual life. I wish I didn't have to learn everything the hard way.

I generally go through life thinking I'm a little aware and evolved and a little better off than most people walking around on this planet, and then something like this happens where I get the giant, hurtful, painful cosmic slap upside the head to make progress on something that should have been a no-brainer. I cannot help but wonder if my life would have turned out better had I learned to meditate on JC sooner in my life, which bums me out because I hate having regrets.

Oh well. I guess I wasn't ready and didn't know that I was seeking was always available to me from my own past and childhood. Now that I could have surrendered at any other time than right now, because I am forever "a doubting Thomas". I think I must have matured enough to have enough faith to believe in what I cannot touch or see. That was always my favorite player from my catholic girls days, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed." I never felt worthy and I never felt I would ever have that kind of faith, and as a little girl I knew it and saying that prayer used to always make me cry. Still does actually, even now.

So another announcement regarding a highly visible exec leaving was in my company email this morning. This means my company has been chopping one exec/VP a month since December. This new exec reorged my division, and I have a feeling that my division is about to go through another major reorg come April.

I keep asking my boss what is going on and she doesn't know. I don't think anyone knows at this point, and we just all have to wait till we get to work in the morning and see what email brings. Interesting huh?

I saw "Constantine" on Friday and totally loved it. The movie critic for my local paper panned it, but I totally loved the movie. Okay, yes it had Keannu Reeves starring in it and the movie was great just because he was in it, but the special effects were spectacular as well. And at the end the people in the theatre clapped, so they must have liked the ending. All my psychic friends who see "things" said that the movie depicted what they see some of the time.

I used to wish I was clairvoyant and had visions, but after seeing this movie I’m glad I don’t have this gift. Some things in this world are just not worth seeing since they’d probably scare me to death. It’s bad enough that there are some people I just won’t talk to or interact with because their "vibes" freak me out. It would be much worse I think, if I could actually see what they’re really like and why their vibes freak me out.