I was telling a friend of mine last night how much I'd always wished I had a guy who said "I love you" constantly, or "love you" as a sign off after a phone conversation. You spend years wishing for this kind of stuff to happen to you, and when it finally does, it's like "whatever".

Red-haired guy did it first. Tossing the L word around like it was so common. I still remember one of our last conversations where I was so mad at him and he told me "I love you" three times on the phone and I just didn't say anything back.

Well, M-Square said the L word very casually of course on the phone on Wednesday. We were hanging up and he said "love you", and my reaction was like "whatever". I didn't say that of course and just hung up the phone. But inside I'm like thinking don't use the L word unless you really mean it. Don't profane the word that way because it really means something. I never use the L word unless in the moment I think I really mean it.

But it's so ironic because after all these years two guys in a row have fulfilled this little fantasy of mine, and I'm not as happy nor as thrilled and ecstatic as I thought I would be. It's sad and very close to tragic I think.