So we're in a mercury retrograde, and during one people from your past are supposed to show up so you can review your past. Yesterday I was thinking to myself that no one from my past has shown up yet, and wasn't I lucky. The last time there was a mercury retrograde my ex-boyfriend from 1995 called and left me a voicemail asking if we could get together.

I went out with this guy off and on for a period of six months, and he still calls me to go out. And I know he had to search for my phone number because when I moved I didn't tell him I was moving. I didn't even tell him I changed email services either.

I think the last time I saw him was maybe three or four years ago when I ran into him on Union Square when I getting a haircut. We went out to dinner that night and it was okay because it so reminded me why I broke up with him. Why this guy keeps calling me is such a mystery.

Anyway, after I had the thought that I wasn't going to have an ex-from-the-past experience I decided that I better not think that because everytime I've reassured myself that something isn't going to happen it always does. Then I got the intuition that the red-haired guy would call me this week.

And sure enough, he left a message on my home voicemail today saying he was going through some old email and found mine, and that he wanted to get together for a cocktail and hoped life was treating me well. I so knew he was going to call even though I haven't heard from him since December when I lied and told him I met a new guy after we broked up. I only lied because I knew it was the only way he was going to stay away from me and it worked.

But then I broke down in June and told him about my December lie in an email because I was trying to clear him out of my space and I always felt guilty that I lied to him that way. So now two months later he decides to call me.

I really want to call him back to find out how he's doing. I mean, the guy said when we first met that we would be friends for a long time, "for life". He said that then and even when we were breaking up, so I guess it's not that out of character that he would call.

But I don't know. As much as I want to talk to him, I don't want to get entangled up with him again even it was just to be friends. I don't think it's good for either of us. And I don't want to ever tell the red-haired guy that I found out on June 23 that I never really loved him and that everything I said to him last year was just one big delusion. That would so hurt him and I'm not into doing that right now. I know the red-haired guy loved me as much as it was possible for someone like him to love anyone, and part of me will always feel grateful for that experience.

I mean, I don't feel anything inside. I was teary-eyed just for a nanosecond, but then the feeling passed. M-Square put my whole love life in perspective for me, and hearing the red-haired guy's voicemail confirmed it.