I went down to Pacific Grove to attend a seminar. The weather was gorgeous and the monarch butterflies were there for their migration. A volunteer at the Monarch Butterfly Sanctuary in Pacific Grove that last year there were 17,000 butterflies, and this year their number had increased to 23,000. There were flying overhead in the grove of eucalyptus trees and it was amazing. I had never seen so many butterflies in one place before. It was hard to get a photo of the butterflies, but I did manage to take a photo of one.

My digital camera is not the greatest, but I did get a decent photo. If you are passing through the area, the monarch butterflies are going to be there through I believe mid-December. It is so worth seeing them. The volunteers had a telescope set up and I saw the monarch butterflies clinging together like a daisy chain. It was so unreal to see them like that, all close together and just hanging on to each other. It was like I was looking a live butterfly curtain, which felt so surreal and yet it was right there in front of my face.

Then we drove down to Carmel and walked down to the beach to watch the sunset, so here's my Carmel beach at sunset pic.

The weather was warm which was so unexpected since it was rainy and cold just a couple of days ago. Okay, one more photo.

We were at a gallery afterwards and asked the gallery person for a recommendation for dinner, and she said to go across the street and try the newest restaurant in Carmel called Cantinetta Luca http://cantinettaluca.com/, which is located on Dolores Street between Ocean and 7th Avenue. The woman at the gallery said the pumpkin ravioli was to die for.

We were able to only able to get a table because it was 6 pm and very early for dinner, otherwise the restaurant was all booked up with dinner reservations. For appetizers, we tried 1) Arancini - fried risotto balls with mozzarella and prosciutto and 2) Grilled local sardines, eggplant crostini, teardrop tomatoes and balsamic Vinegar and the Tricolore salad of bitter greens, green apple, gorgonzola, walnuts and honey vnaigrette. I loved the fried rissota balls, very inventive, and the local sardines were out of this world. I'm not a big sardine lover, having only ever had the canned variety, but I could get used to eating fresh grilled sardines.

We each had the pumpkin ravioli with brown butter, sage and saga and just a glass of wine each of the Sangiovesse, Remole " Marchesi de Frescobaldi" 2003. The sangiovese was like a pinot noir only a little more earthy, and a very good wine.

We were thinking of eating at the Merlot Bistro on Ocean at Lincoln. I've eaten there a couple of times before, but it's nice to try new restaurants especially when one that's been recommended. And it wasn't that expensive either I think. We paid around $80 with tip for dinner for two; not cheap but not outrageous for great food and very, very nice wait staff. And I love that they had dishes I'd never seen before and wanted to try.

Never give money to your political party or to a candidate you like, because they will sell your identity and at election time your home will be bombarded by pollsters and voicemails from party freaks wanting your vote.

Okay, I'm one of those crazy people who permanently votes absentee ballot but who totally waits till the night before the election to vote. Nutty, yes!

And there were so many things to vote for this time, what a bother! I'm thinking this is the first time, but I know it isn't, that I'm voting for the other party! I am still peeved at the Phil Angelides people for booting Steve Westly from the demo primary for Governor, so I absolutely cannot vote for him. In fact, I'm still so peeved I voted for his opponent. Oh well, the Governator will sweep Cali big time so one more vote won't hurt.

I've also never voted for either Dianne Feinstein or Nancy Pelosi. I cannot stand either of them. I detest Dianne Feinstein for her performance as mayor of San Francisco, and feel she is directly responsible for SF's homeless problem. Nancy Pelosi is way to left of center to ever get my vote, plus whenever I hear the woman speak or give a speech I totally cringe!

And just to be incredibly anti-Feinstein and anti-Pelosi, I voted Republican in both races. It's a wasted vote since they will probably both sweep.

I also could not vote for Cruz Bustamante and had to sadly vote for Steve Pozner. Boy, maybe the pundits are right when they say that the older one gets, the more conservative one votes.

Plus since I'm in a major contrary mood today, I whipped out the Bay Guardian guide to voting and voted against everything and everyone they endorsed! Actually, that was the fun part of my voting experience.

I am so looking forward to the elections being over because I've been bombarded by voicemails from people asking me to vote for this or that. I received voicemails from Bill Clinton and Al Gore, and didn't even listen to the message and hit the delete button. The Democratic Party sold my identity and had all kinds of democratic freaks calling my home. I even received a voicemail from Nancy Pelosi; talk about scary!

I heard a phrase in a meeting today that I thought was very intriguing - "dollar curtain". It's a variation of the phrase "iron curtain", which was coined by Winston Churchill to define the boundary between the Soviet bloc countries of Eastern Europe and the West European countries.

"Dollar Curtain" means a town that defines the boundary between the rich and riff-raff/have-nots. Mission Viejo was described as a "dollar curtain" town in Orange County.

Is it like totally weird that one of my ex-boyfriends has his own entry in Wikipedia? I knew there was a reason I named him "the one that got away".

I had a dream about him last night where I was kissing his neck and it tasted very salty!

Men are like so dang emotional! I can't stand it! There's this guy at work, the one I took a two-hour coffee break with a couple of weeks ago, and he is like so mad at me. I don't want to work for him, and I have been avoiding not telling him because I hate conflict. So tonight there was like an Octoberfest outing for his group that I got invited to, and I went thinking I could talk to him. Big Mistake! It was not the right time and place and there were way too many people, and I got so triggered so I like flirted with whoever was sitting next to me and this guy like gave me the evil eye the whole time. God I hate that!

Okay, I know the guy is mad at me because I haven't fessed up to him that I don't want to interview for a position in his department, but does he like have to give me the evil eye at a company outing. I was only going to stay for one beer and instead ended up drinking three beers, and finally I couldn't stand it and had to tell him on the way out that I needed to talk to him.

How dang awkward! Oh my god! I'm not his fiance and I don't need him being all mad at me because I'm too chicken to talk to him and tell him that I don't want to work for him. He wants to talk to me in person and so I'm going to have to take him to lunch next week and break the news to him, like he doesn't already know that I don't want to work for him. What a bother!

But I totally like this guy and he's like a soul mate and everything, and if maybe things were really different and he wasn't like that much younger than me and not spiritual, I might go for it somehow. But god! The guy has got a fiance whom he totally loves, but for whatever reason the guy totally loves talking to me and we can talk to each forever and feel like there's no one else in the world but the two of us. It's a weird situation and I can't deal with weird right now.

But I guess he has a right to be mad at me because I'm like such a wuss, so I'll take him to lunch next week and face the music and hopefully salvage our friendship.

So like I am wondering if I should torture myself again and do the National Novel Writing Month. I was so good in 2001, 2002, and 2003. I failed in 2004, and completely skipped it in 2005.

It's such a great exercise for a writer to see what your capacities are for novel production. Lessons I've learned:

I can write every day, but it is very challenging with a full-time job.

I can only write for 2-hours at a time and then I burn out.

I can do three writing segments with each segment lasting 2 hours, if I have a 1-2 hour break in between each segment.

Four writing segments is way too much for me. I tried but I couldn't do it.

I need to write with an outline with the story loosely plotted out, otherwise I will get lost and take detours and spend hours writing about one thing.

What a busy weekend! Missy L and I and her mom drove down to Pacific Grove to a seminar on Soulmates, and then we went to my favorite restaurnat "Fishwife". After lunch we walked to Asilomar Beach and hung out It was a beautiful day and there was a ton of people at the beach. The weather was so gorgeous!

Then we took a drive around 17 mile drive. The waves were so picture post card perfect, breaking at around 2-4 ft which is great for those beaches. The light was hitting everything at an incredible angle and everything just looked so beautiful.

We drove back on 1 and stopped at a veggie stand. Missy L bought a cinderella pumpkin and brussel sprouts. I bought 5 just picked artichokes for 50 cents.

Then we stopped at this new restaurant in Half Moon Bay called Red Ginger. a new pan asian fusion restaurant that just opened six months ago. The food was delicately flavored and pretty amazing. We were pretty darn impressed and definitely want to go back. They had fun japanese vodka maritinis. I had something called a "rose petal martinini, which we think was vodka and rose water. I loved it. Missy L had tangretini, which was like a tangerine flavored martini and her mom had something called a "geisha girl martini". The restaurants also served flights, which are three small glasses of either red or white wine. Flights are great if you're into a little mini wine tasting.

All in all it was fun day. And I can't believe the Red Ginger restaurant had a whole menu of vodka martinis, and not gin martinis which I abhor. The smell of gin makes me woof my cookies, which is kind of sad since I used to drink gin straight out of the bottle like any proper flapper girl. It's what always happens when you abuse something for too long. I totally abused my gin drinking in college and now cannot absolutely stand the smell of it.

I've been drinking vodka martinis since my first love introduced them to me in a bar in Washington DC the semester I was interning there. God I remeber that night like it was yesterday, which is shocking since I think I drank about 7 VMs. I hadn't seen MN since he transferred to Oberlin the year before and it was just so cool that he was still in town when I landed in DC. Had I known he was going to be home in Bethesda Maryland, I wouldn't have stopped in New York for a few days before flying down to DC.

Wow, talk about regrets. I used to think I had very few regrets but I so regret not going to DC right away. If I had gone early maybe MN and I would have gotten to know each other intimately, instead of my roommate walking in on us just was were getting really comfortable. Talk about a spoilt moment and a wasted opportunity. He was leaving to go back to Oberlin the next day. We would never have a moment like that again.

Oh well, probably just as well we didn't. MN was such a soulmate, but I think he was only supposed to be a non-romantic soul mate and not a romantic one. He was my best friend in college my freshman year. We did just about everything together but that. I still remember MN telling me once "if you can't trust me, who can you trust?"

Okay, I know it was probably all for the better but it's making me cry all the same. I'm also listening to the song "Too little, too late" by JoJo that I just bought from iTunes, so maybe that has something to do with the tears.

I did have a weird dream about my first love a couple of weeks ago. I haven't had a dream about him in years. God, I hope he's safe and sound and alright. He's like some president of some organization right now in New Jersey.

MN was the standard I used to measure all my boyfriends in my 20's. MN was so cool! He was the I think, the number one singles player in Maryland in high school tennis, was first violin chair in his school orchestra, he had his pilot's license, he was smart and so darned cute, and he played a damned good bass on his Rickenbacker. I still remember the time he played one of Rachmaninoff's piano concerto for me. I mean how bizarrely romantic is that!

I know it's way too late for us, but he's my first love, my soulmate, and we finished our karma together in this lifetime, which makes him so special for me. I would have converted for him back then if we had gone in that direction. But it's way too late for all that.

Today was supposed to be a day to wish for what you want. I read several articles about the "cosmic trigger event".

So I thought about what kind of guy I would want and came up with the following:

red-hair, spiritual, surfs, played college football, earring, lives in the SF Bay area, connection to Hawaii, lots of light, no addictions, my universal soul partner and soul mate.

And then I'm like thinking, in my wildest fbombing dreams!

Took a weekend trip with two girlfriends to attend a seminar in Sacramento, so now today at work I'm exhausted. We rented a huge suite and shared a room, so it was like a slumber party except we were all adults.

One of my friends love to gamble, so we went to Thunder Valley Casino every night and gambled and drank. Our hotel had happy hour every night and we each got two free drink tickets, so we started partying right after the seminar. It was cool though because then we got to socialize with people from the seminar outside of class.

I even got a Thunder Valley Casino travel mug and card. Gambling is entertaining if you can make your money last. It's a fun way to kill a couple of hours if you're with friends because we sit around and watch one person play and laugh and cheer if the person is winning.

We even had to go to Thunder Valley for lunch on Monday, because they had a sign that sais "Best buffet in a casino in California".

But I am so tired now. I had to come in to work early for an 8 am meeting, and I was planning to leave early but there's a division meeting this afternoon and I guess I have to attend.

And my week is not over yet. I'm going to meet my writing group for drinks tonight. Wednesday is my writing get together day. Thursday I have a massage appointment, and on Friday I have to get ready to go to Monterey to go to another seminar on Saturday.

Missy L and I are thinking we might stay at Esalen on Saturday night, but it's still all up in the air.

I love being busy but I am looking forward to quiet weekend alone!

This has been a good year for meeting new girl friends. I am becoming very good friends with this project manager that I was assigned to work with, in fact we are going away next weekend to Monterey to take a seminar on soulmates.

Missy L is so fun! She's a USC grad and has direct TV so she can watch USC football games. She's so lucky because her dad bought her this huge flat screen TV for her house. Nice dad huh? He also bought her this cute Rolex watch that I love.

She had an amazing spiritual experience when she went to Argentina over the summer, and when she was telling me about it as we were driving to a meeting I told her "now I know why we get along so well, you are spiritual. I only get along really well with spiritual people."

She has the cutest house in San Francisco in my old neighborhood. I am so jealous that she is a homeowner in San Francisco, and in a damn fine neighborhood too. She said she only got it because she bought a house in Menlo Park years ago and sold it when market was hot.

She's like from Long Beach and very tall, and she reminds me of what they used to call the "LA Poodle" stereotype. She's going a mile a minute, has kind of big hair, is very bouncy and laughs and laughs. She loves to wear fur and high heels, even though she probably is over 6 ft when she wears her heels.

We drove to a meeting in Sacramento together last month and then went shopping at Costco, Ross' and some carpet place that she wanted to check out afterwards. We just had so much fun, but I think she got bummed because she wanted to stop at a wine place and grab a couple glasses of wine but I had to go home to meet friends.

We were at a vendor conference together about a couple of months ago, and we drank way too many glasses of wine which was so much fun. We had way too many glasses the night before as well because there was a cocktail party before the conference. She is a hoot when she drinks too much.

She's got the cutest pomeranian dog who is quite friendly, and made me want a rat dog for a first time my life. Pomeranians are so fluffy and loving.

I want my own house in San Francisco and a dog!

I have this guy friend at work Mr. CE and we've been chatting off and on since March, and he is so cool! He is one of those rare guys who I can talk to for ages and ages and never realize how much time is actually passing. The conversation is just so amazing and you're so engrossed in each other that it's like no one else is around.

Like take Monday for example. We went out to get coffee together to talk about some work stuff and we were only supposed to be gone for 30 minutes. It was so weird because it didn't even seen like that much time had gone by, but we were gone from the office for 2 hours. Talk about a heck of a long coffee break.

Mr. CE is soooo cool! He has an MBA from U of Michigan and is so smart. Okay, the boy is much younger than me but is just the bomb! A friend at work thinks he is too intense, kind of nerdy and talks way too much, but I don't think so.

I think we were soulmates in another life, and it's so cool that we met at work. I am so impressed with Mr. CE's intelligence. He's the smartest guy I've met since my friend Brian from Texas in 1999. He's got tons of integrity too, which is so rare in guys these days.

But can Mr. CE eat! We went out for lunch last Friday and it was my turn to pay, so I took him to this great dim-sum place and I almost died when I got the bill for lunch which was about $70 something. He offered to pay for some of lunch, but I told him not to worry.

It's just weird how we can gab and gab and never run out of things to say or talk about, and time flies by so fast and I never notice anyone else in the room. I think there could a gun battle going on and we wouldn't even know it.

I don't know about you, but there is something very amusing about researchers giving mice California cabernet sauvignon. The questions I have are: 1) what was the brand? 2) how many points from wine spectator? 3) cost?


A glass a day: Cabernet Sauvignon may help ward off Alzheimer's disease (from The Advisory Board - News for Healthcare Executives, Sept 26, 2006)

A first-of-its-kind study by New York City-based Mount Sinai School of Medicine researchers appears to support the suspicion that a glass or two of red wine daily lowers the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease, WebMD reports. For the study—to be presented at next month’s Society for Neuroscience meeting in Atlanta—researchers investigated the impact of California-grown Cabernet Sauvignon on 11-month-old transgenic mice that possessed genes that govern amyloid-beta protein production, which has been linked to brain plaque in Alzheimer’s patients. The mice were given water “spiked with red wine,” water mixed with ethanol, or plain water and allowed to consume as much as they liked for seven months, at which point they were placed in a maze and left to find their way out. Researchers found that mice in the red wine cohort fared the best and also had the lowest levels of amyloid-beta. The researchers say that although the findings offer no “direct experimental evidence” of red wine’s protective effect, the study may help guide future disease prevention efforts. —WebMD/CBS News, 9/20

I miss going to football games. It's been years since I've gone and I really, really miss it. I've been to Sunday games, Thursday night games and Monday night games. They are so much fun. It's just such a slog to get home.

There is nothing like the excitement of a close football game!

There is really no privacy on the internet, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I know what my ex's are doing, at least the ones who are posting their lives on the internet. I found an ex on myspace. How bizarre is that? And being the natural investigator that I am, I looked read through the comments on his profile and the comments he made on his friend's myspace profiles and found out what the guy's been doing for the past year.

Of course, my ex's could read about my life if they about my blog but I try to keep that part of my life private. And if they did stumble across my blog accidentally, at least it's impersonal enough I think for someone to not know it's me.

In other more happy news, the Oakland A's have beat their first round curse and have made it to the American League Championship Series. Go A's!

And the 49ers beat the Raiders in today's Battle of the Bay. Go Niners!

So North Korea had a nuclear test tonight, and a news commentator remarked "our world has changed overnight." Do you think it's true? Is this another 9/11?

My prediction about the automakers unloading their retirees to Medicare is sadly coming true.

From Kaiser's Daily Health Policy Report:
Ford Motor, as part of an effort to reduce costs, will offer 75,000 hourly workers buyout packages, some of which will include the loss of health and pension benefits, the Washington Post reports. According to United Auto Workers summary, Ford will offer eight early retirement and buyout packages to workers that range from $35,000 to $140,000, based on seniority and age. Workers have from Oct. 16 through Nov. 27 to consider the buyout packages, and those who accept the highest buyout packages will lose health and pension benefits. Ford also will offer as much as $15,000 annually in tuition assistance for workers who decide to attend two- or four-year college programs. Workers who accept the assistance will retain health and other benefits during their time in the college programs. Ford declined to comment on details of buyout packages. According to the Post, Ford and other U.S. automakers, "reeling from global competition and high gasoline prices, have initiated massive programs to slash costs." Last year, Ford entered an agreement with UAW that for the first time will require union retirees to pay monthly premiums and annual deductibles for health benefits (Freeman, Washington Post, 9/15).

Yes, I am still around but work has been crazy these last few weeks and I've been tired to write anything in my blog. I've been however busily taking notes on my next novel, and I think I am almost ready to start writing it.

This will be Book 1 of my elfgirl series, which I've renamed to "The Elf Chronicles". Oh well, no elf girl because my new writing partner said I was alienating boys from reading the story.

The title of Book 1 will be "The Price of the Future". I've got so many notes, and I think I have the plot almost all fleshed out.

I write with my new writing partner every Wednesday. We eat, and then go to her place and seriously write for an hour. We've been doing it all September, although now we're thinking of changing the day to maybe Tuesday and adding another day.

On the weekends, I've been going to the coffee house to write or type up my notes. And now this week I've gone back to working out.

What else? Oh yeah, I am job hunting again. I applied to six jobs last Tuesday, and have gotten two call backs this week. I had one phone screening interview today only to find out the job doesn't pay what I make. Oh well.

I had another screening interview right afterwards, and again found out they don't pay what I make but the woman said she was going to try and see what she could do. I'm not hopeful because it's a small place, but I told them I'd like to interview anyway. I need to start practicing my interviewing skills.

This job that I may interview at is going to administer the health plan that Mayor Gavin Newsom is proposing for residents of San Francisco. It's an exciting opportunity I think, and I would take a lateral to work for this place. I am still a firm believer in socialized medicine and would love to work for a company that is involved in bringing it to San Francisco residents.

OH NO! My liberal streak is showing! Yikes ....

Watching Monday Night Football made me wish I could date a pro football player. I dated a semi-professional soccer player from England and one from Texas who played semi-professional soccer in Italy. I dated a guy who played football for Santa Clara State and M-Square played football for the University of Hawaii. Cute guy from screenwriting class whom I had a huge crush on, played college football for University of Pennsylvania.

Now Chris Berman is on, and I really like him. When Red-Haired guy had a tryst in LA, it was so awkward I made him put on ESPN and we were doing it and listening to Chris. I figured that if the sex got kind of boring for either of us, we could at least catch up on sports scores. I love multitasking, don't you?

It's the 5th anniversary of 9/11 and I'm at home surfing the net and watching Monday Night Football on ESPN and not on ABC. I can't even remember how I spent my 9/11 five years ago. It's all a blur. I was probably watching TV all night long and listening to pundit after pundit trying to explain what happened.

The Oakland Raiders are getting their butts kicked by the San Diego Chargers. The 49ers got their bums kicked yesterday in Arizona. It doesn't look like it's going to be a good football season in the San Francisco Bay Area. I know I am being pessimistic because it's only the first game sof the season, but it would have been nice for both teams to win their first games.

Not sure if I like Monday Night Football on ESPN. I was watching the Redskins/Viking games and I was annoyed by the announcers. I recognized the voice and I was wondering if it was Joe Theisman. I can't stand his voice. It's so weird because I heard Joe speak at a company meeting. The guy sells himself as an inspirational speaker. I don't think so.

I think the only reason they had him speak was because the execs at that company were all football crazy. Fantasy football was a big deal among the executive leadership and they took it very seriously. The Booard Room with the $250K silk rug was used for the draft meeting and I heard it was a very serious event.

All the execs always played in the March Madness pool as well, but it was as serious as Fantasy Football.

Oh well. At least football fans must be happy because it's a double header. And one good thing about not havingn MNF on ABC is I don't have to watch promos for TV shows. It's been mostly Superbowl type commercials. This works for me. I hate watching TV show promos during a game. They are so annoying!

The guys that dress up in the Oakland Raiders Black Hole crack me up. When I attended the Jim Rome's The Jungle Oakland tour stop a few years ago, those guys were there all made up and in full custume. They really made me laugh. You gotta love a crowd that boos the warm up band. How funny is that. I tried to fit in and wore a push-up bra and tight t-shirt. I knew if I looked semi-decent, the guys would leave me alone. Plus, I dragged a good guy friend with me and Charlie was good looking enough to scare guys. We ended up talking to other couples there who all assumed Charlie was the Jim Rome fan and not me, which ended up being kind of awkward. But Charlie was a good BS'er so he could hang and not look too dumb. I had no idea he liked sports so much. That was a side of him I wasn't aware of until that day.

I'm back on a writing roll. I wrote on Monday, and then for a little bit tonight. And tomorrow, my friend S and I are going to write together.

I'm a bit bored editing my finished novel, so I'm now plotting out Book 1 of my elf girl chronicles. I sketched out a couple of new characters and now I am beginning to write the plot for book 1. Even though the chronicles will be in 7 books, I'd like each book to be distinct and be able to stand on its own.

I believe Tennessee Williams wrote his novels this way. He wanted every chapter to stand on their own like a short story, and thinking this way made it easier for him to write.

Book 1 will set up the conflict that drives the whole series, and so many things have to be introduced including the characters. An acting director I know does this. He has all his actors in his play appear in the first scene to 1) make the actors feel comfortable on stage right away and 2) introduce by sight all the people in the play to the audience. Book 1 will have to introduce, even if it's just for a page or two, all of the major characters in the story. Even the evil characters will need to be introduced.

Wow, this is getting so complicated. I have to write out so many notes, and keep track of so many things. But I think it will be fun because it will be like a detective puzzle trying to figure out what comes next. It' s a good thing I"m a pretty darn good detective on some level, and enjoy figuring out how things works, because it's going to tough to figure this all out.

The Dallas Morning News is reporting that Mark McClellan, who is currently the head of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS), may be resigning on Tuesday. I heard him speak at the conference I attended in Chicago last month. Mr. McClellan was articulate and interesting, and he definitely knew his stuff. I was very impressed with his Q&A style. He was relaxed and not easily fazed by the barrage of questions sent his way.

I'm always telling my boss that CMS or Medicare is a trendsetter for health care. In the next 10-20 years, I think the stats are 50% of the country will be on Medicare because of the baby boom retirees. That's a lot of people on the government plan. The sheer volume of people expected to be on Medicare make the current levels of payment unsustainable for the U.S. economy. The US cannot fight a war and have that many people receiving social security benefits and health insurance.

I would expect for Medicare to start some serious cost containment programs soon. CMS already has a few in place, but they will need to have them at all levels to try and control costs. Some exec at one of the plans, can't remember which, predicted that the pool of businesses that offer health insurance will start to seriously shrink and more and more people will have to turn to the government for health care.

Walmart started the trend by not offering health care, and other companies will soon follow. I have been predicting for some time that when, not if, the big three automakers (GM, Ford and Chrsyler) declare bankruptcy, the first thing to go will be the retiree health insurance. In fact, I can see the execs of each corporation recommending bankrupty as a way to unload retiree costs, since it looks better to dump them in bankruptcy than when the company is still solvent.

A bankruptcy would give them the cover they need to unload the retirees, get concessions from the unions, and restructure the company. And those poor retirees will have to turn to Medicare for their health care, and Medicare won't be able to handle it. The gloom and doom health exec then said that Medicare will contract with the individual health plans to take of the sudden influx of retirees into the government system.

This will be a recipe for disaster because right now the easier and in the short term cheapest way to reduce health care costs is to have everyone on medication. Preventative care requires too much manpower, and the CMS payment system does little too reward preventative care although they are trying to reverse this trend. In the long run however, I think that people on medication will cost the government more because who knows what the side effects will be for people on continual medication. I can only relay what what people have been predicting for the last 10 years, which is that 3 out of every 5 americans will be suffering from some debilitating disease and that there will more people requiring care than people paying into the system to pay for the care and people healthy enough to take care of the sick.

I had an idea to throw out some old furninture I had by posting for dirt cheap prices on Craig's list, but being the tech idiot I am, I didn't even think about posting pics of my stuff. Someone just emailed me asking for pictures. How dumb, huh?

I was going to have The Salvation Army come and pick it up, but they only take certain items, none of which I seem to have. If I can't get anyone to buy it, I will do the typical San Francisco thing and just leave it out on my sidewalk and pray that someone takes it. Someone always does. I just didn't want to haul the stuff out there. Or maybe even post it as Free on Craig's list and hope someone wants it. And then as a last resort, call 1-800-JUNK and pay to have them get rid of it for me.

Ahhh ... the joys of living in a modern disposable culture where everyone is giving stuff or selling it 24/7.

I'm back to reading my novel out loud into a tape recorder and then listening to it to see if it sounds alright and if there are any obvious gaps. I really like my guy character. He is such a hoot. He is so arrogant and full of himself. I modeled him after someone I knew from Texas, and I made a note that I have to change more details. I don't want that guy, if my novel ever gets published, to get mad that I took details of his personal life and gave them to my male character. You'd think he'd be flattered, but I can't take any chances.

My guy character has such a distinctive voice and speaking style compared to my female character. That was the fun part of writing this novel, writing in a guy's point of view. I have my doubts if the conversations I wrote between my guy character and his best friend are authentic, but it sounds really good even with me reading it out loud. I made a note that a conversation between two guys wouldn't be complete without some sports reference. How could I forget about men and their sports obsessions?

Other than that I think the only thing I need to be careful of is repeating myself and the usual, which is my worth thing, telling and not showing. I also made a note to myself to make sure I was revealing new information in this chapter and not repeating stuff from the first chapter. Although I kind of like the idea of repeating information but with a different spin each time, depending on what's happenning and who is speaking and to whom the character is speaking to.

I'm back to reading my novel out loud into a tape recorder and then listening to it to see if it sounds alright and if there are any obvious gaps. I really like my guy character. He is such a hoot. He is so arrogant and full of himself. I modeled him after someone I knew from Texas, and I made a note that I have to change more details. I don't want that guy, if my novel ever gets published, to get mad that I took details of his personal life and gave them to my male character. You'd think he'd be flattered, but I can't take any chances.

My guy character has such a distinctive voice and speaking style compared to my female character. That was the fun part of writing this novel, writing in a guy's point of view. I have my doubts if the conversations I wrote between my guy character and his best friend are authentic, but it sounds really good even with me reading it out loud. I made a note that a conversation between two guys wouldn't be complete without some sports reference. How could I forget about men and their sports obsessions?

Other than that I think the only thing I need to be careful of is repeating myself and the usual, which is my worth thing, telling and not showing. I also made a note to myself to make sure I was revealing new information in this chapter and not repeating stuff from the first chapter. Although I kind of like the idea of repeating information but with a different spin each time, depending on what's happenning and who is speaking and to whom the character is speaking to.

I took a friend and her friend who was visiting to Ikea last Saturday. I'd always wanted to see the newer Ikea in Palo Alto so we trekked down the peninsula instead of to Emeryville. I was really good last Saturday and only walked out with $20 worth of stuff. But the Ikea bug bit me big time and this Saturday I went to store again in Palo Alto just to check it out and ended up buying all kinds of stuff.

I bought this shelf thing for my hallway didn't like it where I thought it was going to go, and ended up putting it my bedroom where it has made an incredible difference to the room. That got me into a huge decorating kick on Sunday which led me to rearrange my closet and my drawers and get rid of a dresser. I've had that dresser for over 10 years so it's gotten alot of use. It didn't cost me much money, but it's lasted so I definitely got my money's worth. Now it is sadly falling apart and I've been wanting to get rid of it for awhile, and I finally took my chance. My closet actually looks a lot better I think and for whatever reason it feels like I have more room.

Now I want to throw out the desk that I have in my bedroom since I never use it. I think I've had that desk for a few years as well. It's not falling apart of anything, but I bought another desk when I was working at home and I don't need two desks.

I've decided to make my bedroom more of a bedroom and move all my paperwork stuff to where my work desk is. The only paperwork stuff I want to keep in my bedroom is my wriitng stuff because I write in bed alot and my financial papers. Everything else will go towards my designated office space. And Ikea is going to help me achieve this goal because I think, I"m not sure yet, I'm going to buy one of their larger shelvie things. It will be tall and have lots of room for files in baskets and book and all my other paperwork stuff.

But I'm not done yet. I need another cd tower thing to hold dvds and videos as I don't quite have a proper place for them, and because I took a bunch of kung fu videos from my dead uncle's collection. My aunt was going to throw them out so I took a bunch I'd never seen before.

And then I decided that the space in my hallway which I was trying to fill with the book case that's now in my bedroom, needs to have something there after all and I'm thinking it needs a bench with a cushion and a place for shoes. I heard some guy say in the Ikea store that the bench would be a great thing for his hallway so he could have somewhere to sit when he took off his shoes. And I'm like, you know, that's not a bad idea. I'm running out of shoe space anyway, so the shoes that use everyday could go in the shoe shelves, there are 8 of them, and I could have a place to sit or set things down in the hallway.

I was thinking of an armoire because I need more hanging space, but I don't know. My friend whom I took to Ikea last week now thinks she could use an armoire, and I told her I was thinking of buying one as well.

So I think from now until the end of the year, I will be on a huge Ikea spending binge trying to bring some order into my apartment.

I think I am going to go through withdrawals now that the only show I watched regularly on tv, "The 4400", has ended for the season. Thank god it's been renewed for a fourth season. The writing is brilliant plot wise because it's all twisty and turny and how they end things really make sense. I might not like them but the payoff makes sense to me. To have to be thinking that far ahead all the time seems unimaginable.

I wonder if JK Rowling did the same thing with the Harry Potter series, where she had to think that far ahead to have things pay off. In the first screenplay I wrote, reviewers said I paid things off well and answered questions that they had in the screenplay. I didn't do it deliberately though, it just kind of happened that way. But a 110 page screen play is easy compared to a seven-book series for three seasons of a 13-episode show.

Conferences are so disorienting. My health care conference was at the Omni Hotel on Montgomery and Calfornia and was only for 1.5 days, and I didn't think it would be a big deal to attend. But it really was. You're in an enclosed environment for that time period, so you're participating in your normal world which means coming back is like so weird. I didn't travel to the conference, I took the train to work like I normally do, but it does feel like I've been away for a couple of days. It's a very, very strange feeling.

I do like conferences though because they do feed you very well. We had breakfast, lunch and dinner at The Waterfront Restaurant on the first day, and then breakfast and lunch at the half day. The food at the Omni Hotel was very good and I was surprised how good the food was at the Waterfront. There was also a constant stream of snacks and drinks, and the hotel even had a basket of Power bars, Luna Bars, and Cliff Bars for snacks and Numi teas. Talk about a swanky hotel. They were were real cloth towels to dry your hands in the bathroom along with nice smelling soap and lotion. And they must have drained a whole quarry of marble because it was everywhere in the hotel.

I was just at a 1.5 day conference with a bunch of healthcare folks from around the country, and it was such a strange experience for me. I work in health care, and it's really a job and not a career for me, so it's really a bit uncomfortable for me to be in a healthcare conference when I don't necessarily believe in the efficacy of western medicine.

I am a big believer in alternative health care treatment because I don't think western medicine has all the answers to keep me healthy. Western medicine is great when you break a leg or when you have a chronic condition like diabetes, but western medicine seems to be completely clueless about how to keep a person healthy.

The cash incentive in the U.S. health system is to treat really sick people, with more than one disease. That's where the cash is. The pharmaceutical industry has their share in U.S. health care as well, because if it was up to pharma, every single person in the U.S. would be on one or more pills. Doctors don't make money on people who are healthy and not on drugs.

CMS is trying to change the medical cash incentive somewhat by paying more for preventive care, but we're talking a huge behavioural change in the way doctors do business. No doctor likes to see their patients get sick, but they don't have a lot of monetary incentive to keep their patients healthy either. And frankly, I don't think a western medical doctor would know what to tell their patients anyway about how not to get sick other than the usual crap of exercise more and eat healthy. I mean, lots of people do that, exercise and eat fairly healthy and they still end up getting diseases.

So if western medicine doesn't quite know why the body breaks down and gets sick, how can a person place faith in their dcotor for keeping them healthy? I mean, you can't. That's why I am open to alternative health treatments. It's not that everything western medicine tells you is wrong, they just don't have all the answers. After all, if western medicine had all the answers we'd all be disease free wouldn't we?

The work person I went to the health care conference with told me "well, you didn't drink the Kool-aid of western medicine and besides you're from California and it's hip to be into alternative medicine". I don't even consider myself being hip about my health, but instead just prudent and practical about my health.

But it is weird to be with people who have "drunk the Kool-aid of western medicine". And the assumptions of most companies is that the majority of the American population will at some point as they age be on a ton of medications and have any number of chronic diseases that need to be constantly managed. It's a bleak picture of the health of our country, but I have to admit myself, they might be right and that it's a future that most Americans will be realizing very soon.

U.S. News and World Report just released their college rankings for 2007 and my old alumni, Grinnell College, came in 10th for Best Value in a Liberals Arts College and 14th in Top Liberals Art College.

I just checked my Dell laptop batteries and found out that I do not have the exploding batteries. I entered by battery part numbers and they came up "no need for replacement". I was looking forward to getting new batteries but oh well.

So I had all these cherries that I bought and knew it would takes for me to eat, so I looked through all my recipe books and found a recipe called "cherry clafoutis". It's some kind of french dish I found out when I googled it later. There are apparently several ways to make it which is good, because the recipe I have is not very sweet. I'd love to eat it at a restaurant because I have no idea what it's supposed to take like My clafoutis rose but it was like so custardy in the middle. I thought it was going to be more like a light cake and not like clustard, but there are several variations on the recipe and it could be either way.

I should have stuck to what I know how to cook and made a cherry cobbler. Fruit obblers are easy to make every if you're making it for the first time, especially if you are using just picked fresh fruit.

As I'm typing this I am watching an Eagles Farewell concert in Australia. Those guys do have amazing harmonies. They're doing interviews of the band members and I'm like what is up with Joe Walsh's voice. The guys sounds so retarded. Did he like have a stroke or something? Or has the guy always talked like that. I mean, he sounds the same when he sings and everything, but he just sounds like he took way too many drugs or something.

Joe Walsh used to so cute when he was younger. The rest of the Eagles don't look like they aged that much other than getting older, but Joe Walsh looks like a completely different guy. I had a boyfriend who was such a huge, and I mean huge, Joe Walsh fan.

Of course "Hotel California" is their best song and I think my favorite. It's so weird to see these Aussies singing along to the song. I think of the Eagles as such a Cali band. Don Henley and Glen Frey have aged so well. I love that I live in "the hotel California". Henley's drums still sound amazing. I wonder if he tunes his own drums or does have someone do that for him.

Well Joe Walsh can definitely still play guitar, but his voice so reminds me of freaky "Brian Wilson". Now there's a guy who definitely fried his mind. Poor Brian Wilson. He was such a musical genius and then I don't know, the guy just went through something. I saw an interview with Brian Wilson once, and some blonde bimbo chick with an obvious fake rack was with him. I don't know who was more scary, him or her. The bimbo blonde chick was like channeling Yoko Ono or something because she never took her eyes off Brian Wilson. Girl must have thought that's how a rock star girlfriend needs to look and took page from Yoko Ono's playbook. Yoko looks like so spooky in the films of the Beatle recording an album, when she looked like she and John Lennon were literally glued at hip.

Didn't Yoko's behavior just so send feminism back like two centuries? Women as adoring pets who never leave their men's side.

Woke up this morning, very early this morning since I had to be in the office by 7:30 am, that I thoroughly enjoyed the process of listening to my novel read out loud. I hated hearing it in the sound of my voice, but it was a fantastic way to hear which parts of the chapter worked and didn't work. It was fun to do as well and it's been a long time since I've had any fun with my writing process.

Recently I read about a famous author who writes their first draft very quickly, reads it once, and then throws it away and then writes the story again from scratch. I'm not sure if I'm ready to do this, but it seems like an appealing way to rewrite your novel. The first draft, if you write it very quickly, is just a vehicle for getting one's ideas on paper. Quick first draft writing is never very good anyway and the plot always seems to need some major reworking. It makes sense to just start over sometimes instead of doing a lot serious surgery on your novel.

I rewrote my first screenplay like this and ended up altering the characters and the thrust of the story, although the plot was basically the same. I know I have to redo the plot for my Texas novel since it doesn't have enough drama to keep a reader interested. My main character doesn't have alot at stake and that makes for a very boring read. It's so funny because you hear people say all the time "too much drama in my life". However in writing, drama is essential to keep the story line moving and to make the story interesting enough for the reader to care what happens to the character and to keep reading.

Decided to try this technique tonight I'd read about, where you read a chapter of your novel into a tape recorder and then listen to it to hear how your wriitng sounds. First of all, I hate listening to the sound of my own voice but you know I didn't sound too bad. I don't sound like the Valley Girl I've been accused of being and maybe that semester of Stage Speech actually helped because my voice actually sounds decent and normal.

My first chapter is good but needs some fine tuning. The first part has to go because it's boring. I know it's a cliche to open up stories saying "here's an event that changed my life", but I love this technique. Maybe it's my acting background coming through but I want the narrator to reflect in written form this part of her life. She is looking back, kind of like she is almost speaking into a tape recorder and preserving her own memories. She knows this momentous thing happened to her which was life-altering, but she's still processing it. The novel then becomes a story of her trying to understand this part of her life, what part or role she played in what happened to her, what was in her control and what as not. The telling of the story is like a kind of therapy for her. If she tells someone else the story, she will be able to figure it all out. If one can ever really figure anyting out that is.

Listenng to the first chapter read out loud, I also saw how to add an obstacle into the story that I never thought of before. My character has to do her job well because her boss has promised her that if she nails the story then he'll promote to her dream job as in investigate journalist.

Now there's a great dilemma for you. Do you do well in your job and get promoted or do you chuck it all for love, for a crush, for a childhood fantasy that was importnant to you only you'd forgotten it until he came along. That's got to be a romantic story. Good looking rich guy reawakens your childhood fantasy and dreams, only thing is you are interviewing him and your boss wants a hit piece. I was after all trying to write a love story, you know.

I don't know, I like the conflict. It's mild and interesting. God, I hope I'm not writing chick lit. I never read books like that, but I'm a chick and it would kind of be natural for me write chick lit. Maybe I need to go back to writing science fiction and fantasy. I kind of don't want to be known for writing chick lit. I am so jumping the gun here thinking I'll even get the darn thing published. Haven't the book people called for the end of chick lit? How exquisitely like my bad instant karma karma to be writing in a genre I really don't know anything about.

It's been awhile since I've posted and so many things have been happening.

I had some minor surgery last week to have some things growing on my body that shouldn't be growing. It was all very quick and took only an hour in my doctor's office, and did hurt a bit. It's a pretty common procedure and tons of people have had it.

What else ...

I went to a gem and mineral show on August 6 in Golden Gate Park and bought all kinds of fun stones. I will never buy beads in a bead store again after seeing the prices. There was a woman selling pearls for 60% off. I haven't take the class on how to knot pearls, but I think I will so I can make my own pearl necklaces.

Afterwards a friend met me for a late lunch and we went to this italian place on Judah and had a New York maffioso experience. There we were sitting in the restaurant when a bunch of italian maffioso types walk in. Who knew there were maffioso types in San Francisco living in San Francisco. Those people are everywhere!

I kept having flashes of "The Godfather" movie because the mafia guys always knew where to eat at the best italian restaurants in the New York City/New Jersey area. I had always fantasized of eating in some obscure italian restaurant in New York city and having maffioso types walk in, which would be the clue that the food in the restaurant would be fantastic and authentic. I just didn't think I would be having the experience in San Francisco.

And yes, the food at this italian place was great! The portions were amazingly generous and cheap, totally cheap! I had a half sized order of spaghetti with marinar sauce and it was like a normal full order. I wanted to try the spaghetti to see how authentic it was. If an italian restaurant makes a decent spaghetti then you know the rest of the dishes will be very good. The spaghetti was very good and very authentic tasting. I am definitely eating at this place again.

I've seen this place for years and it doesn't look fancy but it's definitely a culinary gem of authentic italian food with maffioso types as an added attraction to boot. The italian boys were noisy which only added to "I must be in an italian restaurant in New York city somewhere". And these guys were big like you definitely wouldn't want to get into a fight them because they looked like they would beat the pulp out of you and then tremendously enjoying the experience of seeing blood squirt out of you.

I'm sitting in bed reading and all of sudden things started shaking. There was a 4.4 earthquake at around 8:12 pm somewhere in Sonoma County, which is about 2 hours away from San Francisco, but I definitely felt it here. I got up to look around to make sure nothing had fallen. It was short but things were definitely shaking.

The summer is zipping by and I'm in the process of editing my newly completed novel. Boy, does it need some major rework. Oh well, this is what editing is for right?

I was fantasizing about going to visit Jerusalem about a couple of months ago, but that's not going to happen now with the war and everything. I am not paying attention to news about the conflict because it's just too much for me to taken in right now. I've got my own horrid life to deal with without having to pay attention to world events.

Check these shoes out, they are so cute but so expensive!

http://www.coach.com/content/product.aspx?product_no=8507&category_id=159

Other songs I downloaded from iTunes this morning:

Obsession (no es amor) by Frankie J
One Thing by Finger Eleven
So Yesterday by Hilary Duff

Downloaded some new iTunes songs this morning. Listening to "The Diary of Jane" by Breaking Benjamin.

Chicago was fun, although the fun and glamor of travelling for work is definitely gone. I don't know how people do it because it really is very tiring, but it does have its perks. On Tuesday July 18, I went to the hotel gym and worked out for 30 minutes then sat in the jaccuzzi for 1/2 an hour.

Now listening to "The Kill" by 30 seconds to Mars

In morning, I went to the front desk to get a cab to take me to the conference at the Swissotel in downtown Chicago, and instead I get a car and a driver. Talking about living the high life. My driver was nice and gave me his mobile number in case I wanted to have dinner later that night. I thought that it was pretty funny that my driver guy was hitting on me.

I wasn't sure how people were going to dressed for this conference and was going to go very business casual, but at the last minute I decided to pack a couple of normal work outfits for me which is a silk skirt, shirt and sweater. Sure enough, I get to the conference and most of the guys are in suits and so are the women. I felt appropriately dressed and was glad.

There was a cocktail party after the first day and I indulged myself and had a couple of glasses of wine, and then the three women I ended up talking to invited me out for dinner and we took a cab to Navy Pier to have dinner and to see the fireworks show.

Navy Pier is right in downtown Chicago and was only built in the last five years. It's kind of like SF's Pier 39 but much more fun because they are more things to do. They had this huge ferris wheel which we all went on. For $5 you get on and go around once. The ferris wheel never stops so you have get and get off fairly quickly. It offers some amazing views of downtown Chicago which was very cool at night.

Now listening to "Beautiful Soul" by Jesse McCartney

From Navy Pier, you can take boat cruises. If I ever go back to Chicago again, I'd like to take an architectural boat tour of Chicago. It's weird because it looks like Chicago is on an ocean coast but it's on the shores of Lake Michigan. I never quite noticed that about Chicago before.

We at some restaurant called "Riva's" and then saw fireworks but it started to sprinkle so we cabbed back to the Swissotel. Those sprinkles were a bad sign but I didn't know it yet.

Thursday morning I'm watching the morning Chicago local news and it's storming and causing quite a traffic mess. The conference ended and I'm at O'Hare at 5:30 pm and the place is a zoo and a half. The thunderstorms closed down O'Hare for most of the day. Some girl told me they had only allowed three flights all day. My 8 pm flight back to SF was delayed and if I was thinking right, I should have realized that since the two fights in front of mine were delayed that my flight would be delayed as well, and that I should have tried to go standby on one of the earlier flights.

But I wasn't thinking and the monitor up until 7:30 pm said our flight was on time. What a joke! My flight didnt' take off from Chicago till 11:30 pm and we touched down in San Francisco at a little after 2 am.

Now listening to "Leave the Pieces" by The Wreckers. It's a country song and I only purchased it because I was perusing the iTunes top 100 list and playing every song and I liked this one instantly.

I had already decided to take a cab from the airport to home because my original flight was arriving at 10:30 pm and I didn't want to be stuck in Super Shuttle hell getting home. So at 3 am I was in bed and wondering what time should I get to work in the morning because it wasn't going to be early. I made it into the office by 11 am, and only went in because I had some analysis due that afternoon. Otherwise I think I would have just stayed home.

I was telling someone about my flight back from Chicago and they told me that if I arrived in SF at 2 am, with the time change, it whould have 4 am in Chicago, so I was basically up for almost 24 hours as I had gotten up at 5:30 earlier that morning.

So that was Chi-Town Trip. I was still in recovery all this week and my suitcase is still out waiting to be put away. I'm thinking it must get easier if you travel all the time because then you get into a routine. Travelling by plane somewhere almost feels like commuting if it weren't for the time change I think. I never used to think way and it's only lately that I've equated plane flights with commuting and thinking it's really not bad, except for waiting to get on a plane at the airport of course.

I am blogging from the Windy City - Chicago. I'm staying at a hotel right outside the airport and I can see the Chicago skyline from my hotel window. I was trying to stay in a hotel in downtown Chicago where my conference is being held, but every hotel in the downtwon area was booked.

I am exhausted as I am not a very good traveller. My work Outlook is taking forever to send and receive messages and I am hungry. I don't know why because it's only close to 5 pm in Cali ut it's almost 7 pm here.

I will blog more later ...

I went to lunch with a co-worker I've known for about 10 years. We worked together from 1997-1999, and she just started at the company I worked for a few months ago. We were both remembering how we loved our boss John. We liked him and he liked us, and how rare it's been for both of us since then to have a boss whom we like and likes us.

I hope I get one of these two jobs that are in front of me. The two people I want jobs with like me and I like them. It's not that I don't like my boss now, I just don't like her in the same way I do these two people. There's an empathy missing with my current boss that I have with the other two people. I think it's that I like my boss as a work boss but I'm neutral about her as a person, whereas the two people who are offering me jobs I like both as bosses and as people. It's so hard to explain because it's so intangible.

I know for sure that the new person my boss is reporting to does not get me at all, which so bothers me. I think it's such a post 9/11 feeling for me, but it so doesn't make sense to work for people who don't get you and whom you don't like in and outside of work. Life is way too short for that kind of B.S.

My coworker thinks it is very rare for an employee to really like their boss, and that we were so lucky when we met in 1997 because we both had a boss we respected and liked and who respected and liked us. If only John didn't get sick, I would probably still be working for him. But he did get sick, and I just recently found out he died about three years ago. I knew he had a very decidedly uncertain future, and I guess I was right. It's such a shame because John was so smart and so nice, and the perfect boss in a ton of ways.

I may have posted about this before, but in going thru my writing notes I ran across an idea I had for christian writer's class.

Class Title: Riffing on the Bible: Adventures in Christian Storytelling

Using well-known biblical verses and/or texts of the discples' interaction with Jesus as a jumping off point, participants will explore the art of storytelling by telling stories of their own or a character's faith journey.

I even wrote biblical verses to use:
Matthew 4: 18-22 - Jesus invites his disciples to join him saying they will be a fisher of people
This story could be about when you were called to follow Jesus, when you had an evangelizing moment, when your faith inspired someone to christian action, etc.

Matthew 14: 25-34 - Jesus walking on the sea, "Take heart, it is I, do not be afraid."
This story could be about witnessing miracles or when there was a miracle in your life, or when Jesus came to you and pulled you out of a dark situation.

Matthew 26 - Peter's Denial of Jesus
Maybe these are stories about the ways you deny Jesus in your ife, the way you deny your faith, your humanity, your higher self.

Luke 9: 18-20 - Jesus asks his discples who am I and Peter says you are the "messiah of God."
These could be stories of recognizing who Jesus is in your life, recognition of your level of faith.

John 20-21 - the story of Doubting Thomas (the biblical character I relate to the most next to Father Abraham when he is about to sacrifice his son
These could stories about what else, doubt, I'm sure people could write volumes about their doubts about faith and Jesus

Acts 9 - Paul's conversion on the road to Damascus
These stories could be about conversion, faith and doubt.

So like out of left field, the only woman I get along with in my whole group asks me if I wanted to work for her. She's been assigned the creation of this huge writing project and says there is no way she can do it herself. She's going to ask for headcount and she immediately thought of me. She wanted to ask me first so she mentioned it to her boss, so very late on Friday she asked me.

It would be so cool if I could work for her. She and I get along really hell. She's been meditating for years and years like I have, and we think very similarly about a lot of things at work. I already sit in a cube next to her, so I w0uldn't be disrupted by moving. I think politically taking a job with her will be less freaky than taking a job with the guy I spoke to on June 23.

That guy would be great to work for as he is so smart and we also really get along, but he won't be hiring till September. If y cube mate gets headcount, I would probably be able to start as soon as the job is open.

So please pray for me that my cube mate gets headcount and I can transfer my job. I want to hedge my bets and apply for two jobs I found on Friday, because whether my cubemate gets the position or not, I will definitely leave my job one way or another. I don't like the new person my boss and I are now reporting to.

I don't know. Life since 9/11 is way too short for me to be in a job with someone I don't like and whom I definitely know doesn't like me. I stayed in my last job because the economy was bad after the dotcom crash. It wasn't the best job but at least I was liked.

This job hasn't been a good fit, and I knew it three months after I took the job. But then I was distracted by the red-haired guy and then by M-Square, and then when I met my new friend S I thought it was well worth it because she has become such a close friend. She's a writer as well and wants to collaborate with me on writing projects. I think she's also much more visual than I am and would probably be an ideal person to adapt my novels into screenplays. She even wants to do it, which is so cool.

I know most novelists want to adapt their novels into screenplays, but I'm not one of them. If I wanted to write the story as a screenplay I would do it. I know how to write screenplays. If I'm writing the story as a novel, it's because it's coming to me as a novel and not as a screenplay. And at that point, I want someone else to adapt my story for the screen.

Anyway, my new friend S and I are going to try and write every Thursday for a couple of hours together. We both need the inspiration and discipline of writing with a partner, and we both think we would make good writing partners for each other. I hope so.

I knew I had to stay in my job for a reason, and I think all of those reasons are now gone. I would love to stay in my job ony if I could transfer my job and work for my cubemate. If I can't then I don't think I should even take the job with that guy I spoke to a couple of weeks ago. I don't know. I feel like it's time to move on to another company. I get bad feelings about my company. We lost some market share this year and even though we won a big contract this year, strategically we are really floundering. Our competitors are so aggressive and we are so conservative. Our competitors are coming up with innovative products and bringing them to market quicker than we can.

My division hired a consultant to regorg our division, and when I met him I wasn't very impressed. The leadership in my company seem to be so lacking in vision and direction that everyone is basically running around like chickens with their heads cut off. It's too bad because my company is a good company, they have a great mission and all, but they are just floundering and I think everyone knows it but no one knows what to do about it.

They're also doing this weird thing with finances because invoices are taking forever to get paid. Having been in finance, this behaviour is never a good sign. There is no reason for companies not to pay their invoices on time, unless there is a good reason like they're having problems with cash flow or because they're watching the balance on the books. I just get a bad feeling about the place and I don't think I'm the only one becuase our attrition rate is so high, so high that they are basing VP performances on whatever attrition rate they promised. Can you imagine a VP not getting his bonus because too many left their division? Employees are bailing the ship like rats, and I'm like what are the rats smelling that I can't smell very clearly.

Maybe going back to writing morning pages really does work. I started writing them regularly on June 6, after I got back from the Julia Cameron seminar and about a month later I finished my first novel. I only seem to be able to write them during the week, and not on the weekends. I want to write my morning pages 7 days week, but on weekends I am way too lazy.

My life has been in a fog these last few months. My friend S gave me really good advice on how to restructure my SGVA screenplay, better advice than advice I was getting group from the screenwriting group I paid $600 to be a part of. And I thought for sure I had written it down, but I didn't. I am so upset because the advice she gave me was great and I didn't write it down. I hope she remembers what she said because I'm going to ask her if she remembers what she told me. I hope she does because I know I was amazed at what she said because it made such perfect sense.

My friend S wants to us to write screenplays together. She gave me a book to read so we could collaborate on a TV series she wants to pitch based on the stories in the boo.. Neither of us have written for television and I had no interest in writing for TV, but I would be interested in writing a two-hour movie pilot for a series. That I think I could do. I told her if she was interested in writing for TV she would have move to LA, because you need to be in LA to write for TV. She said she was willing. I think for the kind of tv series we are writing, you would have to write the weekly tv scripts in advance because of the production involved, so maybe she wouldn't have to move to LA. We'll see. These stories will make for a good two-hour pilot to a weekly series, but the real work would be creating new plots on which to base the series.

That Ivory Madison we heard last week told us that she writing a comic for DC comics. I'm like, how do you get a job writing a comic strip for DC comics? I never even thought of going in that direction, but it would still fall under writing. Granted the comic strip doesn't lend itself to long prose, you would still have to know how to plot pretty darn well to make a story work in a comic book.

Maybe going back to writing morning pages really does work. I started writing them regularly on June 6, after I got back from the Julia Cameron seminar and about a month later I finished my first novel. I only seem to be able to write them during the week, and not on the weekends. I want to write my morning pages 7 days week, but on weekends I am way too lazy.

My life has been in a fog these last few months. My friend S gave me really good advice on how to restructure my SGVA screenplay, better advice than advice I was getting group from the screenwriting group I paid $600 to be a part of. And I thought for sure I had written it down, but I didn't. I am so upset because the advice she gave me was great and I didn't write it down. I hope she remembers what she said because I'm going to ask her if she remembers what she told me. I hope she does because I know I was amazed at what she said because it made such perfect sense.

My friend S wants to us to write screenplays together. She gave me a book to read so we could collaborate on a TV series she wants to pitch based on the stories in the boo.. Neither of us have written for television and I had no interest in writing for TV, but I would be interested in writing a two-hour movie pilot for a series. That I think I could do. I told her if she was interested in writing for TV she would have move to LA, because you need to be in LA to write for TV. She said she was willing. I think for the kind of tv series we are writing, you would have to write the weekly tv scripts in advance because of the production involved, so maybe she wouldn't have to move to LA. We'll see. These stories will make for a good two-hour pilot to a weekly series, but the real work would be creating new plots on which to base the series.

That Ivory Madison we heard last week told us that she writing a comic for DC comics. I'm like, how do you get a job writing a comic strip for DC comics? I never even thought of going in that direction, but it would still fall under writing. Granted the comic strip doesn't lend itself to long prose, you would still have to know how to plot pretty darn well to make a story work in a comic book.

Yeah me! I finished my first novel, finally. "Texas is a state of mind", the novel I started in November 2003 with Nanowrimo is complete. So what, that's like 2 years and 8 months to finish a novel of 77,740 words or 138 pages single spaced. Talk about slow production.

I went to a seminar last Monday called "Stop Dreaming and Start Writing" at The Learning Annex given by Ivory Madison, creator of The Red Room, and Ivory said that a typical first novel is 75,000 words. I guess my novel is typical then. Her contention was that a person could write 1,000 words in one hour and that if you had that kind of production, you could finsih a novel in 75 hours. That's kind of like two weeks of work or 8 hours a day for two weeks.

If I had written one hour a week for 75 weeks, my novel should have taken me 18 months to write. Instead it took me 30 days to write 50,000 words and 31 months to write about 28,000 words. And this is just my lousy first draft!

There is seriously something wrong with my motivation to be a writer. Writing the first draft is supposed to be easy part. It's the editing that is going to be the hardest.

So I'm doing the math in my head and if I had written one hour a day, say five days per week and my word count was about 5,000 words, I would be able to finish a 75,000 word novel in about four months.

I've always wondered how people can take the time to get so many degrees. Now I know. The time just goes and you might as well do something useful with it like get another degree or my case, write my novels. And I only need to dedicate maybe 5-7 hours a week to write 5,000 words a week. It doesn't matter if I do it in 5 days with 1,000 words a day, or a I have a marathon writing session on the weekend, as long as I stick to the 5,000 words a week production rate, I should be able to finish my novels quicker.

Well, at least I have a fnished novel under my belt. Now there are the other two novels to finish that I started, "The Crow Priestess" and "Changing Timelines". I haven't forgotten about my first novel attempt "Following in the Dark", but I decided that I was going to write that novel for my own pleasure and never let anyone else read it. The Texas novel is the third novel I started.

""Following in the Dark" was the first, started in 2001. "The Crow Priestess" was started in 2002. "Texas is a State ofMind" was started in 2003, and "Changing Timelines" was started in 2004. I did some writing in 2005 when I started working on my second screenplay, "Silicon Valley Gold Diggers Anonymous." I never finished it, but at least I outlined a fairly decent plot from beginning to end for the story.

This is what happens when you watch reruns of MTV's "The Hills" ... you fall in love with songs from the show. Like this one - "Unbelievable" by Kaci Brown.

I Wish you didnt love me I wish youd make this easy It was love that caught me Now it's fear that keeps me with you I want to be by your side So I can close my eyes To the growing emptiness inside that kills me When I'm with you You try to break me Try to hate me So you can fall out of love You want to make me believe that I'm crazy That I'm nothing with out you

It's unbelievable but I believed you Unforgivable but I forgave you Insane what love can do That keeps me coming back to you You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you Now I'm standing on my own Alone

I feel you in my shadow My heart feels cold and hollow No matter where I run I see Your eyes always follow me You try to hold me Try to own me Keeping something that's not yours You want to make me Believe that I'm crazy Make me think that you're the cure

It's unbelievable but I believed you Unforgivable but I forgave you Insane what love can do That keeps me coming back to you You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you Now I'm standing on my own Alone

You're still haunting me In my sleep You're all I see But I can't go back Cause I know it's wrong For us to go on And I'm growing strong To confront my fears

It's unbelievable but I believed you Unforgivable but I forgave you Insane what love can do That keeps me coming back to you You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you Now I'm standing on my own Alone

I am having a glorious four day weekend. We didn't get today off, but we got Tuesday off, so I'm like that doesn't make sense to come in to work on Monday and then take Tuesday off. So I decided to take Monday off and here I am watching reruns of "The Hills".

I got so much done on Saturday and Sunday. I got the oil changed in my car, which was kind of disturbing because I just had my oil changed in December and the oil change place said I didn't have any oil on my stick. What was that about? I think what happened is that when my dealer ran my air conditioning to dry out my car from the flooding, for a day they burnt thr0ugh all my oil, but I didn't realize it because it didn't register on my car as mileage. Thank god I'm on this plan to change my oil every six months regardless of the mileage on my car. It's just better for my car I think. But then the person at the oil change place said I could come in three months from now to get my car topped off with fluids, so I felt better but I think I'm going to have to check the oil in my car every month because it's so not good for my car to run out of oil like that. It scares me because I wonder how much I damaged my engine by not having oil in the engine like that.

I can't believe my car eats so much oil because it's only five years old, but the oil change person said that VWs burn through a ton of oil. I just googled about VW Golf oil consumption and it's a problem with all VW cars. Most webpages I've read said it's normal for a VW to burn through a quart of oil every 1000 miles. Damn! That's a ton.

I love my little german car to death, but I'm like I am getting a japanese car the next time. I was going to get a BMW, Saab or a volvo but I don't know about these european cars. You get a heck of a luxurious ride but they are so high maintenance. My friend says her BMW has given her nothing but problems.

What else? I did laundry and some handwashing and then I went grocery shopping and went to the vitamin store for some stuff. I think I got more accomplished this weekend than I normally do.

I think I know why I've become such a freak at my current job. Most of the people here don't have anything else in their life other than this job. This job is their life and some of them went to school and put themselves into debt because they are passionate about healthcare.

I could care less about healthcare. I stumbled into it and I stay in it because I can make a decent income in a job that is relatively stress free work wise and easy for me. Yes, I'm a good at my job and have become something of a subject matter expert in the two years I've been here, I mean some people think I'm a nurse which is such a laugh for me, but it's not my life and it's just a way for me to make money. I have a pretty good work ethic, so of course I try to do well at my job, but healthcare isn't my life, isn't my "mission".

I want to write novels and screenplays for a living. I am passionate about writing books that commuters like me want to read, a book that makes transports them to a different world and makes them forget for a few minutes the horrible job that they are in. I love books that make me forget about my commute, forget where I am so much that I miss my stop. Books that make me forget the freaks on Muni I come into contact with every day are rare, but when I find them it's a joy. I never want the story to end, and when it does end I am bummed out, so bummed out that I end up reading all the books that the author has written just to recapture that feeling again.

I love movies that do the same thing to me, movie make me forget my horrible life for a couple of hours.

I admire people who are passionate about healthcare, or at the very least can pretend very well to be passionate about their job. A friend of mine says people who are that enthused about their job are just faking it, and that every0ne is feeling the same way I do only they're better at hiding it than I am. I wonder about that. I think if you go out and get hourself a masters in healthcare, that must mean you are passionate and want to work in the field.

I wish I could afford to work in a bookstore or some other dead-end job, anywhere but here in healthcare where I am a freak and not a happy freak at that.

What else am I doing these days besides kvetching about my job. I am currently undergoing some aryuvedic treatment from a friend of mine who is studying to be a practitioner, and needed 10 volunteers to practice on.

She told me I was 48% kapha, 28% vata and 24% pitta. I am what they call a tri-dosha. I am on this new diet because she diagnosed me with a vata and kapha imbalance. I cannot eat cold foods, which is weird because this means no salads or cold sandwiches. This makes lunch very difficult for me since I usually eat a salad or a sandwich for lunch. I also am supposed to give sticky rice, but I can eat barley and basmati rice. I made barley rice last week and was surprised how much it tasted like regular rice. It's just hard to find barley rice at restaurant in downtown San Francisco.

For grains, I can also eat amaranth, brown rice, buckwheat, quinoa and wild rice. My friend thinks I might have a wheat allergy, which would suck because wheat is in everything. She told me I don't have to avoid it completely because I think that would be impossible. I knew someone who had a severe wheat allergy, and she basically couldn't eat out at a restaurant without freaking out because there wasn't anything there for her to eat. At Trader Joes I found two wheat free breads, spelt and kamut. Kamut is very dense, but spelt is not too bad. I'm not really supposed to eat oatmeal, but my friend said I could eat hot oatmeal for breakfast because it was better than eating cold cereal or the Balance bars I've been having for breakfast these past four years. I'm supposed to avoid corn flour as well, which bums out because this means no corn or flour tortillas!

The other food I'm supposed to be concentrating on is veggies. I cannot eat raw veggies. They have to be cooked. I can eat artichokes, beets, carrots, cauliflower, fresh corn, green beans, leeks, mustard greens, potatoes and tomatoes. I have to avoid my favourite veggie which is eggplant, which is okay because I haven't been in an eggplant eating mood for awhile. But no asparagus, sweet potatos or yams. I really like yams.

My friend says once my body gets back in balance I will be able to eat whatever I want, but until then I have to try to follow the new diet as best I can. I'm hoping the aryuvedic treatment will lead to some weight loss. My friend's first client lost 70 pounds, but she was very strict about her new eating rules. I am finding it hard to eat hot meals at lunch. I am so craving salads right now. But I know I have to change my eating habits. I feel so fat and all my clothes are tight, and I don't want to buy new clothes again.

But it's so hard to be healthy when I feel stressed out, and being in a job I don't like is a big stressor in my life right now. I am so whiny and unhappy these days.

What else am I doing these days besides kvetching about my job. I am currently undergoing some aryuvedic treatment from a friend of mine who is studying to be a practitioner, and needed 10 volunteers to practice on.

She told me I was 48% kapha, 28% vata and 24% pitta. I am what they call a tri-dosha. I am on this new diet because she diagnosed me with a vata and kapha imbalance. I cannot eat cold foods, which is weird because this means no salads or cold sandwiches. This makes lunch very difficult for me since I usually eat a salad or a sandwich for lunch. I also am supposed to give sticky rice, but I can eat barley and basmati rice. I made barley rice last week and was surprised how much it tasted like regular rice. It's just hard to find barley rice at restaurant in downtown San Francisco.

For grains, I can also eat amaranth, brown rice, buckwheat, quinoa and wild rice. My friend thinks I might have a wheat allergy, which would suck because wheat is in everything. She told me I don't have to avoid it completely because I think that would be impossible. I knew someone who had a severe wheat allergy, and she basically couldn't eat out at a restaurant without freaking out because there wasn't anything there for her to eat. At Trader Joes I found two wheat free breads, spelt and kamut. Kamut is very dense, but spelt is not too bad. I'm not really supposed to eat oatmeal, but my friend said I could eat hot oatmeal for breakfast because it was better than eating cold cereal or the Balance bars I've been having for breakfast these past four years. I'm supposed to avoid corn flour as well, which bums out because this means no corn or flour tortillas!

The other food I'm supposed to be concentrating on is veggies. I cannot eat raw veggies. They have to be cooked. I can eat artichokes, beets, carrots, cauliflower, fresh corn, green beans, leeks, mustard greens, potatoes and tomatoes. I have to avoid my favourite veggie which is eggplant, which is okay because I haven't been in an eggplant eating mood for awhile. But no asparagus, sweet potatos or yams. I really like yams.

My friend says once my body gets back in balance I will be able to eat whatever I want, but until then I have to try to follow the new diet as best I can. I'm hoping the aryuvedic treatment will lead to some weight loss. My friend's first client lost 70 pounds, but she was very strict about her new eating rules. I am finding it hard to eat hot meals at lunch. I am so craving salads right now. But I know I have to change my eating habits. I feel so fat and all my clothes are tight, and I don't want to buy new clothes again.

But it's so hard to be healthy when I feel stressed out, and being in a job I don't like is a big stressor in my life right now. I am so whiny and unhappy these days.

My friend K and I went to the member museum preview of the Matthew Barney exhibit at SFMOMA last week. From the SFMOMA website:

SFMOMA is the only U.S. venue for this full-scale survey, the first to gather together Matthew Barney’s entire DRAWING RESTRAINT series. Spanning almost 20 years, DRAWING RESTRAINT is an ongoing, performance-based project exploring the notion that form emerges through struggle against resistance. A site-specific installation designed by the artist, the exhibition occupies the Museum’s entire fourth floor, which has been reconfigured to eliminate the gallery walls and so encourage a nonlinear experience of the art.

The opening was your typical San Francisco artsy scene. While we were waiting in line outside, there was a couple walking around dressed like some of the images in the Matthew Barney exhibit. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether these people were dressed up especially for the exhibit or whether they were just being themselves because at any given moment in San Francisco someone is always in costume, but at a typical art opening the number of people in costume expands exponentially depending on the magnitude of the event and gravitas of the artist. At the Matthew Barney member opening, it felt like about 40% of the people attending were in costume. I just found it so fascinating that SFMOMA had such a variety of members. Besides the artsy fartsy crowd in costume, the blue-hairs were there as well as people who look like they would never walk into a museum let alot a modern art museum. It always makes what Andy Warhol would have thought about us all had he been standing outside SFMOMA last Wednesday night.

I love Matthew Barney. He does such interesting work with with sculptural material. There pieces of scuplture that looked like foam or a blob of shaving cream, but which are in fact hard to touch. There was a piece that looked like someone had put a huge slab of butter or dough on the floor. It's all so fascinating!

The artist Bjork was in his photos and in his films, and she added the rock star phenomena to his pieces. I love the juxtaposition that he was a football player and wrestler in his youth and is now this avant garde NYC artist. There is something about that combo that is so very strange.

Then there was these weird videos about fawns doing strange things in a limo. I thought they looked like birdies myself, but my friend K said there were men dressed as fawns and doing lewd and weird things in a limo driving through the streets of NYC.

You can read what the SFGate had to say about the Matthew Barney exhibit,
Matthew Barney, In Glory all his own.

I am closing my AT&T dial-up account finally! I have been so ambivalent about keeping it because I had a personal web page with my stories and I was able to store pictures too, but it doesn't make sense for me to pay for a dial-up account and DSL. If only AT&T offered DSL in my neighborhood when I needed it, I would have stuck with them. But they didn't.

I will have to create a personal web page someday on the new AT&T (formerly SBC)/Yahoo. Ah well! Yes, I know my template is outdated and I need to update it more regularly, but well, who has time?

I am currently reading "Gods and Generals" by Jeff Shaara. I loved his father's book, "The Killer Angels" by Michael Shaara, which I recently read about two weeks ago. I am boning up on my War of Northern Aggression history, or as its learned in school, Civil War history. I would like to read all of Jeff Shaara's books, not to mention Shelby Foote's books.

I am posting my hula Barbie picture here, so I can store it on my blog.

I love watching the USA show "Monk". Monk is so funny and I so relate to him because he is so very strange. I know what it's like to be weird but still respected because you're smart.

There was an episode on Monk where he had to infiltrate an office. People in the office started liking him, and it was so poignant because you could tell that this was the first time Monk ever felt accepted by people. Then of course, Monk being Monk, it didn't last and in the end the office people thought he was weird and things were back to normal for him.

I am so having a Monk experience at my job. I heard the secretary who was promoted to an analyst whisper loudly to the summer intern "don't talk so loud, Brenda is here." I am such a freak at my office. I know I shouldn't care because I deliberately don't hang out with the office crowd, but for whatever reason it still hurts. I wish it didn't hurt and I thought I was too old for it to matter, but you know it still hurts and I'm like thinking "JC, why have you abandoned me?"

Okay, I know I am being dramatic but that's what I feel like right now. I know it's all my fault because I don't hang out and I don't gossip, and I'm one of those office workers who keeps to themselves and don't really hang with people in my group, but other than that, I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment. It's not like I snitch on people like the other people in my group, who are the biggest gossips and snitches I've ever come across in any office.

People in my group act like they're still in junior high or high school and it's like some popularity thing at work. I have not come across such clickish behaviour in an office in such a long time. It's like totally alien to me. I wish I could be like the two other women in my office who don't hang out and don't care, and are senior managers. But I'm not a senior manager and I guess some part of me does care.

Honestly, I have never worked in such an immature office before. I'm like, I used to be really well liked in other departments at other companies I've worked for, but not this one. I hear gossip about our group all the time, about how we're so strange. We are a strange group! I thought the new director would change our group dynamic, but I think it's gotten worse.

I have to get out of my job. I spoke to this guy in another division in muy company on Friday about an open position that he has, but the timing for me to move into his group will not be right until September. If I have to work with people, I want to work for someone who recognizes me and likes me and this guy so does. We can talk for hours and hours about healthcare and its problems. He treats me better than anyone in my current department. Sad isn't it?

I don't know why I feel so sorry for myself right now about my working situation, but I do. But you know, it's always like this before I make a change in my life. Before I moved apartment, things got really bad and I started to hate living in my old place. Before I change any job, things get really bad. It's almost as if the universe is pushing me out the door and moving on to my next step in my life. Things get so bad that when I do move, I have no regrets. It's an odd way to move on to your next step in life, but one that is probably necessary for me because I'm the type who tends to get rooted very quickly. It takes alot for me move one and things have to get really bad before I even consider. Once I make up my mind though to move one, then things happen pretty quickly for me whether I'm ready for it or not.

I expect the same thing to happen now. I am so ready for a new job that I know things will start to happen very quickly so I can get out of my current situation. I've been thinking for about a couple of months now that I will not be in my job for the whole month of July.

When I first had this thought, I was so confused! I wasn't actively looking for a job and things weren't so bad. But as the month of June has progressed, my job and my attitude towards it have gotten progressively worse. Things have gotten so bad that I want out of my job at any cost! God, I hope something happens soon! I don't know how much I can take my job anymore. I hate not fitting in and having people talk about me like how our ex-secretary spoke about me today. I'm like what the hell did I do to deserve this?

I think M-Square is sick or something. I haven't spoken to him since we broke up but I can still pick things up from him, and I get that he is really sick. I have no idea what's wrong with him, and part of me wants to call and ask but I know that would not be a good thing.

The man obviously did not want me in his life anymore and for once I'm going to heed my friends' advice and not beg him to take me back. S0 many good things have happened to me since we broke up anyway, things I know wouldn't have happened had we still been together. So I am in the firm belief that it was all for the best that our relationship fizzled out.

This is so creepy! I was reading the headlines on SFGate.com when I see the name Darren Mack refusing to surrender in Mexico, and I'm like I know that name. Around 10 or so years ago, I took a Communications course from a guy named Darren Mack. He was dating someone named Charla, who also worked for the organization giving the course. I even saw Charla one night, and she had this stop you dead in your tracks diamond engagement ring on her finger. Darren said that Charla was the perfect woman for him. He also told the class that he was going through some terrible child custody court case with his first wife and their two kids.

I wasn't sure it was the same guy until I saw his picture, and it was him. How freaky! He was a very intense guy, and we kind of had a little run in on a conference call once. I had to hug him once after a seminar just because everyone was doing it, and I don't know ... it was very awkward ... I gave him a hug anyway but it was so awkward. He kind of creeped me out for whatever reason. No one else I knew was freaked out by him, but I was. I read in another news article that he and Charla left the organization I was taking classes from back in 2002. I stopped taking courses from that place in 1998.

Now Charla is dead, stabbed by Darren and he is being hunted by the police. Wow! You never know what people are capable of, until you read about them in the news or see them on TV wanted for murder.