I'm listening to Dusty in Memphis. The cd skips on my stereo box in the living room, but works fine on my boom box in my bedroom.

I'm not sure if it's time to get a new stereo box or if there's something wrong with the Dusty Springfield CD. I bought the CD from BMG, and I've had problems with their stuff before.

Damn! Dusty has a great voice too. It's a shame not to blast her music really loud. I love that song "The Son of a Preacher Man," only because I dated a presybyterian's minister's son in college.

He was a cool guy, but confused. He told me he was gay, and then dated one of my good friends which kind of messed with my head. During my senior year in college, he cornered me and told me I was the only woman he ever loved, and I was like "yeah right, whatever, get your hands off of me." The guy was like teddy bear hugging me really hard.

In my recent college bulletin, there was an announcement saying that the guy got married. I'm like what's up with that. I thought he told me was gay. Like whatever!

Having two cups of low calorie soup for lunch and toast is really filling. It's actually a lot of food for me, but I force myself to eat it all because it keeps from feeling hungry all afternoon.

I think what I love best about eating is eating something that tastes good and feeling full from it. That's got to be the best feeling in the world. It's also the reason why cutting back on calories really sucks the big one, because it's hard to get that feeling consistently every day.

Eating soup is the only thing that does it for me. It's what worked for me in the past, so I'm sticking with it.

That's my new thing these days, making lists of what's worked for me for how to do things and what's not worked. If I stick with what works then I get stuff done, I lose weight, I keep to my spending plan.

Now granted the lists have to revised every week, because of what's happening in my life, but as I long as I more or less stick to my list, I'm productive.

It's a sign of aging isn't it? When you have to constantly write everything down to get anything done. You know, no more "I'll remember it all and get it done". If I don't write it down, it doesn't get done. It's a necessary evil in my life right now, but it works.

I wonder if there's a correlation between my spending and my eating. When I overspend, I overeat. When I stay on budget, I maintain my weight. What's up with that?

I'm still recovering from my move, which cost me about $3,000, and my trip home for the funeral, which cost me about $1,500.

Then there's my weight, because I've gained back about 10-15 pounds since may, and I'm at 160 pounds instead of hovering at around 145. I hate this!

I'm back to my soup for lunch and seriously tracking what I put into my mouth, and meticulously writing down what I spend and keeping to my spending plan.

I've calculated that by October, I'll be financially and weight wise to where I was in May before my life went to hell in a hand basket. And if I keep on going with my food counting, I'll be at my goal weight of 135 right before Thanksgiving.

Just for fun, I added a link (on the left) for my Amazon.com wish list. I saw it at the "Hurtline Towards Obscurity" website and wanted to do the same.

On a lighter note, I bought a ticket to fly down to LA for the day to see three art exhibits at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

1. Old Masters, Impressionists, and Moderns: French Masterworks from the Pushkin Museum, Moscow

2. Modigliani & the Artists of Montparnasse

3. Classic to Modern: French Works on Paper, 1800–1950, from the Permanent Collection

I fly down in the morning, and come back in the evening. I'll be on information overload from seeing three art exhibits back to back like that, but I don't want to make more than one trip to LA and I didn't want to stay overnight. I'm sure I'll be exhausted!

Besides computer problems, I woke up with a scratchy throat this morning and my nose is all stuffed up. I felt it coming on last night in art class.

I haven't been sleeping well, and I think my immune defenses are down so I must be suspectible to germs. Or maybe I picked up germs from the barbeque I went to on Sunday. Who knows?

I've had computer problems all day. First, I had install some new patch for the new virus that's coming around on work laptop.

Then I decided to do the same on my home computer, and then all of a sudden my home email on Outlook 2000 stopped working. After reading all kinds of web pages about what to do, I finally ended up deleting the old mail account, and recreating it from scratch which seemed to fix everything.

I hate anti-virus software. Every once in awhile when you get an update, it knocks out something else on your computer that you have to spend a couple of hours trying to fix. Such a pain!

I can't believe people buy Anne Coulter's republican propaganda about "California being the failed petri dish of democratic policies".

Here are some facts first.

46 states have budget deficits for their 2004 budget.

There are only seven states where Democratic governors and legislators control both branches of government.

There are Democratic governors in 24 states, and Democrats control at least one legislative chamber in 28 states.

Republicans have 26 governors, and probably control one legislative chanmber in 28 states, and have control of both chambers in 22 states.

Republican governors and legislators seem to at least have control of both branches of government in 22 states.

If you take Coulter's argument to its logical conclusion, then those 22 states where republicans control the state shouldn't have deficits, because the republicans are like financial geniuses who wouldn't be stupid enough to get their states into budget deficits.

But yet, 46 out of 50 states are facing deficits?

What's the excuse for the republican controlled states facing budget deficits? Failed republican policies?

Granted, California's budget deficit is huge, but California is the 5th largest economy. We are like our own country here. Hello! Of course, we're going to have a relatively huge budget deficit. What's Japan's budget deficit? What about the other countries above California and in the top 10.

Oh yeah, I forgot. The USA is the largest economy. I mean talk about a huge budget deficit!

Wow, my contemporary art history class was packed. 50 people were in the class.

I so don't believe it when the "pundits" say culture is dead in America. I go to art museums now once a month, and every time I go it's so crowded with people, and they're mostly tourists.

My art class has 50 people. Okay, granted it's art class in downtown San Francisco, but still. A class on a Monday night, come on! I'm giving up Monday Night Football to study art. I am like so sacrificing, because I love watching football!

My art teacher gave an introductory slide lecture, and talk about current. His last slide was a shot of Burning Man, and he asked the class, "is Burning Man art? Can people, some who say they're not artists some who say they are, become artists by being part of an event that some people say is art?"

I love studying art history. Studying art feels so necessary for my work as a writer. I don't know why, but it does.

I like studying how other people are creative, and where they take their creativity, what they're reacting to, what they're rebelling against, what kind of statement they're trying to make.

So I'm wearing this outfit to class tonight, and I think it makes me look like some reject from a bad 80's movie. Should I be embarrassed?

I've got a yellow turtleneck on, an a-line skirt black skirt with gray flowers and vines on it, a black sweater, black tights, cotton socks scrunched down and my new black Born mary jane shoes. Like it's so 80's.

I think if I had sleeker black socks, the outfit would work, but all I could find were thick black cotton ones. I'm sure I look like I'm on a retro 80's nerd patrol or something, but I'm like I don't care.

I mean I do care, but I don't have time to go out and buy thinner black socks, and I want to wear this outfit.

All it will mean is I'll just look like any another weirdly dressed San Francisco chick on the train and in class tonight. Oh well!

I'm starting my art history class tonight on the "History of Contemporary Art". It's an in depth look at art after 1940. You know, all the really, really modern stuff.

I took a class from this professor before and he's very good, so I'm looking forward to being in his class again.

He's an artist as well as an art historian, which I think makes his teaching so much better because he's creating art in his life as well as studying it. He's not some frustrated wanna be artist teaching art, because he's a failure as an artist. He's a professional artist, who has shows, teaches painting class as well as the history of art.

The best yoga class I ever took was from a professional ex-ballet dancer, who also still taught dance classes. The guy knew everything about the body and how it worked and about how not to injure yourself. The man has to use his body professionally outside of teaching yoga, and he was just so knowledgable. I mean, I think you would have to be, to teach and as well as dance professionally.

He wasn't like some part time yoga instructor. The guy used his body 5-7 days a week, and not just for a year or two but for most of his life. If you're getting paid to dance and teach dance, I would think you know a few things about the body and how to get it to work.

I saw the movie Winged Migration over the weekend. It's a documentary about birds migrating all over the world.

It was so beautiful, because it just showed birds doing their migration thing. I love birdies!

The movie took four years to film, and it made you wonder how the film makers got that close to the birds. At one point, all you see are the birds flying in their 'v' formation and the only sounds you hear are of their wings flapping. This movie would be great to see in an IMAX theatre, because the camera is so close to the birds you can see their feathers moving and I got a sense of how tiring it must be for the birds to fly such long distances. It was so unbelievable! Click on the site and watch the trailer, and you'll see what I mean.

The movie does make you think about how the changes in the weather and the degradation of the environment may be affecting the migration of the birdies.

My aunt and uncle had a memorial service for my grandmother at the catholic church they attend in Alameda. There were members of my family there that I don't see very often, which was nice.

I get there early, and my aunt tells me I missed Rich Gannon, the Oakland Raiders quarterback. Gannon attends their church with his wife regularly, and even hangs out to talk to the parishioners afterwards. What a scream! They say he's a really, really nice person. Gannon goes to church there when it's football season, but lives in some other state the rest of the time.

Her sister said Gannon's two kids attend some catholic school there. The San Francisco Bay Area is such a small world.

Afterwards, there was a barbeque at the priest's house, the rectory, which is right next to the church. Their priest seems like a really nice guy, and my aunt and uncle and their friends hang out with him and play cards (rummy) sometimes.

Father Fernando even gave me directions on how to get to my friend's house in Oakland, whom I was visiting afterwards. He drew a map and everything, which I thought was very sweet.

Some nun was also there that everyone knew, only she wasn't dressed in a nun outfit. I guess they don't have to do that anymore. She lives in her own house near the church.

The priest had a really nice house, and there was a Mercedes in the garage, which I'm assuming was his car. My aunt and uncle say their priest is really cool, and very open minded. I had a fun time, and it was nice to see family that I don't see very often.

I took a writing seminar today from this woman named Barbara Rose Booker. She was very good, and I got so much out of what she said.

Afterwards, I went to Starfreaks and wrote out 9 pages of outline and notes for my novel "Following in the Dark". I started it in 2001 with Nanowrimo, but then I couldn't finish it because I didn't know how to outline the novel. I think I learned that today.

I wrote a preliminary outline, and a structure which might be a little too complicated, but at least it's down on paper.

Most of my novel notes were trying to figure out what story to tell. Here's the new log line for my novel that I created in class today.

A religious woman with stigmata fantasies is trapped in a s&m relationship with her boyfried. She meets a mysterious itinerant preacher who holds the key to her freedom.

I think I'm trying to tell two stories. The first story is about an ex-catholic woman, who wanted to be a nun, wanted stigmata, some proof of God's love and existence. When none came, she gave up on God and years later finds herself in a physically abusive relationship with her current boyfriend.

Somehow in her mind, sex, religious pasion, and love all got fused together, making an s&m driven relationship not only normal but in a way very desirable. But lately the s&m stuff has become more violent, more dangerous, more risky.

I want to show the woman's descent into the dark side, like why would someone even want to be a sexual relationship where alot of pain was involved.

This is a subject that has always fascinated me, being very pain-phobic myself. I hate physical pain of any sort, but I know from experience, given the right circumstances, sometimes pain can be exciting, even incredibly desirable. I've always wanted to explore in a fictional character, when the line between pain and pleasure gets crossed to where it's the only thing that will satisfy a person.

But I also want to write about how you get out of that mode, that darkness, because I don't think being in a relationship where sexual pain is the only thing that satisfies you is all that healthy. I don't know. Maybe it is for some people, but for my fictional character, the s&m thing is not good.

So the second half of the book is how she gets out of the s&m relationship she's in. I wanted her to meet someone who shows her the light. I sort of thought I wanted her to meet Jesus, but I know that's hokey. I like it, but it's just a bit too much for people and really not that realistic.

So I think I want her to meet a mysterious itinerant preacher who untangles her thinking. But then I decided to add a Stephen King twist to my story, and make him supernatural in some way. And then I even decided I wanted a funky happy ending, and I mapped that out too.

My ending might be a little too neat and pat, but I think I can make it work.

So I'm writing out my notes about what I think about my new novel structure and this is what came out, "I don't think anyone is going to want to read this or publish it, but I don't care because I really like the story and want to finish it."

I think it's a wild story. I love the mysterious itinerant preacher, who may or not be Jesus in disguise. It's like the total religious fantasy I've had for years, meeting Jesus for real, and which later translated into wanting marrying someone jewish like Jesus, and which is currently wanting to marry a Jesus follower who helps me to further my relationship with God.

I also wrote to myself, "what if the only way I can sell this book is to have it be a bible banger type christian book?" That would freak me out, because I'm so not a bible banger, but if a christian publisher wants to publish it and pay me money, I'd take it.

But I'm also thinking, maybe this is the kind of book I write just to write, and never sell. This book is for me, just for my own pleasure and enjoyment, my story, no one else's, just to have, just because I like it and I don't care if everyone think it's horrid, it's mine, my creation, my fun crazy novel.

I know this is so Martha Stewartish of me, but I love making my own croutons for salads. The croutons you buy in the box in the store are so gross compared to the croutons I make myself.

It's so easy too. Use good italian or french bread, like baguettes or pugliese. Cut the bread up into cubes, drizzle with olive oil, and for seasoning, use McCormick Salt Free Garlic and Herb Seasoning. Bake in the oven till desired crunchiness at around 350 degree or so, and store for use with salads.

YUMMY!!!

In between watching the 49ers beat the Raiders in a pre-season football game, I watched the news coverage on the East Coast blackout.

I was so amazed by how much I still like Aaron Brown. He's just got the most amazing voice. He's so calm and steady. Like I said before, he's the Mister Rogers of broadcast news and that's his main appeal.

The conspiracy radio programs were having a fun time speculating on whether the blackout was caused by an electromagnetic pulse weapon, and whether it really was a terrorist attack or a secret US test of a new weapon gone haywire.

And I agree with other conspiracy boards I visit, the Shrubmeister looked very tired and worried in his taped response from San Diego. The man has really aged since since he took office.

And what was up with the Prime Minister of France saying it was caused by a lightning strike in upstate New York, when later reports said he was totally wrong?

A friend called and we both joked how we were freaking out in the first five minutes when we heard the news, thinking it was a terrorist attack. Before 9/11 we would never have dad that thought about terrorism.

I told her it's karma for the rest of the country laughing at California when he had our blackouts. Cheney the head Orcmeister said it was Cali's fault. We wouldn't be having a governor recall if it wasn't for the criminals like Ken Lay and Enron who messed with California's energy market.

The energy experts have been predicting blackouts would be happening on the east coast, just like they were in California, and of course, like the early reports of terrorists wanting to take down the World Trade Center again, nobody believed them.

Talk about conspiracy theories. Did you see the electrical grid maps for the US? Why is the Texas region on its own grid, and all the other states are connected on one of two other grids?

Huge power outage on the east coast. What is going on? It sounds like it's moving to the Midwest as well.

This is scary!

I heard an interesting interview last night with Don McAlvany, who has his own newsletter about the financial markets. He's definitely a doom and gloomer kind of guy, and here's some interesting factoids he let loose, which of course the major news media outlets are not even talking about.

There were 1.6 million personal and corporate bankrupticies last year, the largest number in US history.

With the collapse of the and internet and tech stock bubble in 2000, $8 trillion dollars of wealth evaporated, although $2 trillion of that loss has come back since then.

Stocks right now are trading at 32 1/2 times earning, which means in a bear market they're still overvalued. They should be trading at 5-8 times earnings.

10-12 million Americans are currently unemployed, and the Fed is understating the unemployment rate saying it is 6.5%, when it should be closer to 9.5%.

Boeing by the end of the year will lay of 40,000 people.

The US is losing its manufacturing base, and these jobs will not be replaced in the US.

There's a real estate bubble with over $5 trillion invested in real estate mortgages. The mortgage interest rate has gone up from 5% to 6.5% in 1.5 months, which isn't a good sign.

The long term bond market collapsed, and saw its lowest prices worldwide since 1927 in the last 90 days, and lost $6 trillion in value.

Currently, there is $200 trillion invested in the derivatives market, which investors use as a hedge against the stock market, rising interest rates, etc. The collapse of the long term bond markets is sending shocks waves through this sector.

The Feds are flooding the markets with printed money, hoping to ignite another stock market bubble, which could lead to rising interest rates and hyper inflation.

If interest rates rise, watch for the real estate market and derivatives markets to both collapse, along with the stock market.

Now I'm listening to my favourite Grateful Dead songs, Scarlett Begonia and Fire on the Mountain.

Jerry .... Jerry, we love you, they scream!

I have cds in my collection that I haven't listened to in years, and sometimes I forget the group even sounds like.

I'm playing this cd from Rusted Root entitled When I Woke.

It's good. Here's what the Amazon review says, "Imagine the Gypsy Kings as hippies from Pittsburgh and you'll have a handle on Rusted Root. Energetic, largely acoustic worldbeat jams like "Ecstasy" and "Martyr"."

I was afraid I was going to put music on that I don't even like anymore, but I still like it. It's definitely an homage to the hippie stoner world beat phase of my life. Brenda the elf girl hippie chick ... what a hoot!

I went out for a walk at lunch time, and here's an example of stupid things I wonder about.

I once watched a porno movie with a boyfriend, who kept going on and on about how he liked when the porn chick's breasts moved. Like it really made him excited. Why this was such a big deal to this guy is something I've never been able to figure out to this day, but that's neither here nor there.

So I'm wondering on my walk if the breasts of women who have fake racks, the big plastique kind, shake when they're having sex. Do they jiggle, do they bounce up and down? And if not, are guys like my ex-boyfriend not getting turned on by pornos anymore, or at least that aspect of the porno movie? I mean, it's so interesting to me, only because the exboyfriend freak was so entranced by the whole breast movement thing.

I wished I'd kept in touch with the freak, because I'm totally wondering about this issue right now.

Here's the SI report from Tom Verducci on poor Ted Williams, Ted's tragedy unfolds. Rome's interview with Tom Verducci was very, very strange.

And here's the link about Williams' head in a lobster pot, What happened to Ted?

Funniest lines heard today on Jim Rome's show.

Jeff Kent needing a Mach 3 to drive over his pornstache.

Bubba at a Mets game, and no Bubba, the Mets clubhouse isn't a wild as it used to be when they won the world series back in the day (or something like that). This is a reference to a recent book about the crazy Mets Team, and the stuff they did in the dugout with fan chicks and cats.

I'm back to listening to Jim Rome's The Jungle. The show is back to its orignal timeslot on the Ticket 1050 at 9 am, and I am so BORED with the recall. I got into listening to Jim Rome because I was so SICK of the Florida election debacle.

Sports is so much more interesting in its own way sometimes than politics anyway. This morning there was a great interview with Tom Watson, and SI reporting that Ted Williams' head has been separated from his body and is sitting in some cryonics lab in a lobster pot. Williams' heirs are fighting over what to do with his dead body. Now that's fun stuff to listen to and speculate about.

I heard Bill Simon on the news this morning, and I so hate him. He was practically saying he would win the governorship. What a freak! Simon reminded me of Dusty Baker handing the winning ball to Russ Ortiz before Game 6 of the World Series ended. And we all know what happened to the Giants after that.

Jim Rome is the bomb and so incredibly funny! One of my girlfriends said that Rome sounds like a typical frat boy, and I'm like "so, what does that mean?" I don't have a problem with frat boys, but I do know lots of women who do. I have friends who are so afraid of frat boys and their kind. God only knows why.

I date frat boys, been doing it since college and I haven't stopped. They're cute, they're clean, charming as hell and they're a ton of fun.

When I can't work on my current writing pieces, these days I've been writing out notes for my Elf Girl Chronicle stories, which I'll work on one of these days.

They're kind of interesting to me, because I just jot down whatever comes into my head about these stories. Here's a sample:

Thoughts about Elf Stories
-stories takes place 550,000 BCE
-DNA rules everything, the code to a being resides in the DNA
- Question to ponder for story, how many forms of beings first existed in the world besides the current day humans and animals?
-In the movie, The Matrix Reloaded, one of the characters said that humanity can be destroyed and the earth can be repopulated, and memories can be implanted.
-The Elfin Kingdom was destroyed because of politics. There were member of the Elfin High Council who thought that an alliance with the triumverate of evil (everything in the universe comes in threes) would spare the kingdom, or at least certain parts of it. An agreement was made to kill the elfin population and, but to spare the royal lines and families of the high counsel, who were anyway related to the royal lines. The rest of the population would be killed and/or enslaved.
-The High Council's rationale was 1) their own families would be saved and 2) the elfin population could be rebuilt from scratch with a stronger genetic line, a strong DNA chain. The Elfin essential DNA would be saved, since the original elfin DNA came from the royal line and their families.
-The High Council was wrong. The Triumverate renigged on their agreement, and instead of being saved, the royal family lines were enslaved and then cursed and turned into humans.
-The Elfin light body template was destroyed, and the human DNA was grafted over the Elfin DNA. With no light body template, elfin souls could not be born into their original elfin form and instead were born as humans.
-But the grafting of the human dna over the elfin dna caused health problems, especially on the left side of the body and with food and digestion.
-Elfin DNA has twelve strands, human DNA has two strands.
-At the start of the story, there is trouble in the world. For the last 12 years, whole tribes of elves, fairies, dwarves and other beings have been disappearing. There are rumors of death squads and prisons. There are rumors of a new race of humans being created to repopulate the earth. The humans, who used to be 10-12 ft, were going to be replaced by a smaller, more fragile being
-The multi-strand human DNA (need to reread what SDM said about human DNA changing in the future) is being changed to a more simple 2-strand DNA, making the humans easier to manipulate, breed with less room for variations and mistakes, and easier to control.
-need a history of world of elves
-need a history of the evil triumverate, an early form of the anti-christ
-need a history of the plan to seed the world with more fragile humans, and to wipe out the rest of the other worldly beings like the elves, the fairies and dwarves.
-there was a prophecy that the members of the High Council saw before they made an agreement with the evil triumverate. They saw the dawning of the christ/cross consciousness in the future. Some members of the Counsil, including the King, wanted to start aligning the kingdom for the new christ consciousness to insure survivial of the kingdom in the future. They wanted to merge the Elfin ways with the ways of new way to come.
-the members of the High Council who made the agreement with the evil triumverate wanted no part of the Christ consciousness. They did want to change the Elfin Culture. The evil triumverate assured them that in the future, the evil triumverate and the anti-christ would win and reign in the future, and elfin culture would not be changed.
-Parts of the story will take place at the Elfin Knowledge Schools. These schools were created to teach the use of the individual being powers to children starting at age 15. Beings from all over the world attended these schools including fairy and dwarf children. Each race of being had special powers, which needed to be learned and controlled. Powers started to intensify after the age of 12, so children were sent off to special schools at around age 15.
-need to know what the knowledge schools taught

This is a good article from the LA Time on the ramifications of the Episcopal Church's decision to ordain an openly practicing gay bishop; Episcopal Church Plays Russian Roulette on the Gay Issue.

Two good quotes from this article:

"He recalls: "I had someone there say to me, 'If you don't believe in the Bible, why did you bring it to us?'"

"There are all kinds of empty churches that tried to attract people to attend for nonreligious reasons," says Rodney Stark, University of Washington sociologist of religion. "People go to a church for religion, and if it's not religion that's being offered, they go to other places."

I'm listening to a new fave CD, Legends of the Scottish Fiddle.

This kind of music makes me so happy. I almost think I need a cd of bagpipe music as well.

Here's the list of artists and their music.

Cuts Artist
1. Celtic Society's Quickstep - 42 Highlanders Farewell John Cunningham
2. Cutting Ferns - Alex Dan MacIsaac's - Brenda Stubbert's - Mutt's Favorite - Bernadette's - Lady Gordon of Gordonstown Jerry Holland
3. Rosemary Brown Aly Bain
4. Samuel The Weaver - The Panda - Thunderhead - The Cannongate Twitch - Allan MacDonalds Reel The Tannahill Weavers
5. Fair Warning John Cunningham
6. Morag's Reels Wolfstone
7. Reels For Carl Jerry Holland
8. Mrs. Jamieson's Favourite Aly Bain
9. The Smokey Lum - Maggie's Pancakes - Dancing Feet - The Mason's Apron The Tannahill Weavers
10. The Turnpike Capercaillie
11. Hector The Hero John Cunningham

My company's computer systems was hit by that msblast.exe worm. My system kept shutting down every five minutes for an hour. What a pain!

I just checked my home computer, and so far so good.

I hate the whole recall election. What a waste of money and time. I'm going to vote No on the recall, but just in case vote in Cruz Bustamante.

Arnold "The Terminator" is a joke. He knows nothing about politics, and he's only running now because no way would he even be endorsed by his own party. I so agree with Rush Limbaugh on Arnold.

Chris Matthews on "Hard Ball" used to always quote someone in politics as saying "All politics is local". So with that, I'm going to concentrate on the city and county of San Francisco mayoral election.

Now that Matt Gonzalez has thrown his hat in the ring, he almost guarantees the election of Gavin Newsome to become the next mayor of San Francisco.

Newsome is the only centrist candidate running, and everyone else is running to the left of him. Gonzalez will split the left wing vote, and Gavin will win. YEAH!!!

What galls me about the current crop of San Francisco mayoral candidates is politically stupid they all are. They remind me of the how the media totally misjudged the whole Clinton/Lewinsky scandal.

Most of the general public, me included, totally did not care about Clinton and Lewinsky getting on. That was between him and Hilary, not us. And I'm so sure Clinton was the first president to bag an intern. Come on, get real people! I still remember the Senate page boy scandals of the 80's, or have people forgotten that married senators were getting it one with pages of both sexes. Talk about adultery times two.

It was the media and the right wing conservatives who kept whipping up the issue to death.

The majority of the left wing mayoral candidates in San Francisco, in the same way, are misjudging the San Francisco electorate. We're not all left wing as the media makes us out to be.

There's been a slow but steady gradual movement to the center and in some cases to the right. It might be feel like the center or the right to anyone outside of the city limits of San Francisco, but it is for someone who lives here.

Witness the passage of the Newsome's homelessness initiative. That thing won hands done in almost all districts except in I think three left wing bastions.

San Francisco is getting conservative. In fact, all of California is moving towards the middle and to the right. Why don't the San Francisco politicians see this?

And the fact that they don't get the swing in voter sentiment, tells me that they don't pay attention to the city as a whole, but to themselves and to their very small constituencies. And that is what's so wrong about San Francisco politics, and is so illustrative of what's wrong with the democratic party in general.

Oh well. They'll figure it out come election time. I think Newsome will win by wide percentage, and the left wing strategists will be deer caught in the headlights.

The party of "the people" can't even figure out how people are voting. The party of the people totally buy into their own BS, their own dogma so much, they can't see anything else. And that's sad.

And it's so symptomatic of the left as a whole, like those left wing professors who believe that their truth is the only truth and only teach their side of the issue. What stupidity! And it's such bad karma too, since to deny the reality of another's truth is wrong no matter which side of the political spectrum you're on.

Do you want people running government who are that out of touch with the electorate in the first place? I think not.

It's not that people don't want social justice and social programs and all the good things that the left has come to stand for, it's just that you can't just have ideology and good intentions and bankrupt yourself as well. It just doesn't work in the real world that way, at least not now with the economy the way it is, and I think will be for the next few years.

I brought home with me some of my grandmother's videos. She had quite a collection of action movies, kung fu movies and even religious movies.

One of my grandmother's most prized video sets was Franco Zefferelli's "Jesus of Nazareth". I watched part one of the three video set over the weekend. Franco Zefferelli is one of my favorite directors. He's an incredible romantic and very passionate in his story telling.

As I watched the video, I started to remember that I had seen the series on TV sometime in my childhood. The memories are very vague and fuzzy, but they're there.

The wedding scene between Mary and Joseph brought back all my childhood fantasies of wanting to be jewish.

Having been influenced by the Zefferelli movie which depicted Jesus' life as a jew, I always wanted to have a jewish wedding and raise my children jewish just like Jesus. I knew I wasn't jewish, but I also knew if I married a jewish person I could become jewish.

As a young child I had no idea that christians and jews were different and lived in different worlds. If I had a baby, I wanted my child to have covenant by blood. I didn't know about covenant by faith. If had a boy child, I wanted my boy child to be barmitzvahed so he could be a part of jewish temple life.

I also remembered in college telling my first love that I wanted to have a wedding ceremony where I jumped over a broom, which I think is an eastern european jewish custom.

Watching that Zefferelli movie years later was so bittersweet, because in the process of growing up I had to give up that jewish dream. I had to to own that being jewish and being a follower of christ were not only two different things, they were diametrically opposed.

And it really became all very clear to me when I told my grandmother about my jewish first love, and she told me I was dating a "killer of Christ". What a very rude awakening!

Watching that Zefferelli movie made me realize that I had even forgotten I had that fantasy of being jewish like Jesus. And I think I cried because I had to finally admit to myself that I had given up that dream a long time ago, but never really acknowledged the loss of this strange childhood fantasy of mine.

I didn't even know that deep down in some part of my consciousness I even still had the dream, and I only still had my jewish fantasy dream because I never acknowledged giving it up.

What can I say? Kids think the strangest things don't they?

And it's not like if I fell seriously in love with a jewish person, I wouldn't raise my children jewish. I know for certain I would feel guilty if I didn't raise a jewish child in the jewish culture. Being jewish is both an identity of blood as well as culture, and I would not dream of denying my part jewish child his or her identity.

But then the Jesus thing would be problematic down the road, and as this stage in the game I'm a little practical to want religious stress in home life. Not that it couldn't be done, because I have friends who are raising their children with both christian and jewish customs.

It's just harder and more added stress than I would ever want.

Still it's so very sad to let go of a childhood wish and fantasy, no matter how silly the wish and fantasy are in real life.

I watched the movie "Jerry Maguire" on TV just to see the line where the girl says "You had me at hello." So many men love that line, and I so don't know understand why that's a great line.

I mean, I guess how to a guy a girl saying that line, would be the equivalent of saying "you don't have to explain yourself, you don't have to say anything, just your mere presence makes me fall back in love with you."

What guy wouldn't love that he doesn't have to talk, he doesn't have to say anything, he doesn't have to have some rehearsed explanation. What guy wouldn't love to just be able to walk about into a relationship and just have a woman unconditionally love him.

It would be kind of like having a dog. No matter how long you've been away, as soon you as you walk through the door the dang dog is wagging its tail and jumping on you because it's so glad to see you.

So does that hello line mean that woman should act like loyal dogs, who are after all, man's best friend?

On Saturday, I wen to see "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen", which was so much fun. People in the movie theatre even clapped at the end. The movie had a good story, great special effects and it wasn't boring.

I loved how all the characters were literary figures I'd read as a child. It made me want to go back and reread those stories. I loved Peta Wilson, of La Femme Nikita fame, as Mrs. Jonathan Harker.

She has this one scene where does her vampire thing and the men watching have to act like it's not a freaky thing. Only a group of men would have that reaction. What a laugh and how true to life. With some guys, a girl can pull all kinds of stuff and the guy does not even blink an eye.

I can't believe Sean Connery is like 70 something years old. He still looks very good and fit for someone his aage. They had a pretty boy playing Dorian Gray as well. He was a little too thin for my taste, like say rock star heroin skinny, but he had a beautiful face.

On Friday I went to see Lara Croft, Tomb Raide: The Cradle of Life. I know it's a silly movie, but I love it. I wish I was like Lady Lara Croft. I love shows with cute girls who are tough and do great stunts. Plus Lara Croft's character is so intelligent, and I love the whole historical antiquities thing. The movie had amazing special effects and stunts as well.

I suppose I should go and see the new Charlie's Angels movie, but those girls are so silly. I wish they were all a little more intelligent and not so girlish. I much prefer Lara Croft who's more mature, not so silly and girlish but still beautiful, feminine, intelligent and able to kick any guy's butt.

My writing group met at my new apartment tonight. It was so much fun! I am so paranoid about having come over to see how and where I live, but my writing group liked my new place.

I even cooked three appetizers, but only one went over well. I'd made one of them before, the others were new.

One of of my appetizers turned this icky shade of brown and green which made me feel like Bridget Jones, but oh well. It was a mushroom, stilton, and bleu cheese dip. I'll make the leftovers into an omelette over the weekend.

How fun to have my close writing buddies see my new place, and to be able to be entertain and cook for them! I'br forgottrn how much I like entertaining.

Here's the link for the grenades and mortars in my neighbourhood, Explosives found in Inner Sunset home force evacuation S.F. bomb experts detonate 3 grenades, 2 mortar rounds.

This isn't good. They're going to detonate the hand grenades and whatever else military equipement they found in the home.

I wonder how loud the noise will be and if my electricity will be affected. YIKES!!!

Hearing those choppers overhead is freaking me out!

I suppose I should go downstairs to check it out, but what a bother!

Choppers are flying overhead. I just heard on the radio that hand grenades were found about 7 or so blocks from where I live. The bomb squad is somewhere in the vicinity, and I'm sure this is all messing up the traffic.

When I find a link for the story, I'll post it.

Here's a great article from Scotland on Sunday on the left's disenchantment with Mr. Hitchens, The trial of Christopher Hitchens.

Just added a new site to my list of "Sites to See". It's the site for my favourite left wing commentator Christopher Hitchens.

I'm not even sure if he would be considered left wing by the left, since he did support the US led war on Iraq. He and The Nation had quite a falling out over the Iraq issue.

I love Christopher Hitchens. He is so brilliant and so funny. I don't always agree with everything he says, but he's very thought provoking.

He's like a chubbier and scruffier version of Simon from American Idol. They're both English, scathingly honest and nasty, and I totally adore them both!

I just made this dish today from Epicurious, and it was very easy and very tasty. I think it would be worth about 4-5 points per serving for Weight Watchers. I never follow recipes exactly, and use less oil and butter than what the recipe calls for. I also used skimmed milk instead of cream, and it still tasted fine. I had it plain, but would probably serve it over pasta when I make it again. I also added red pepper flakes for an added kick.

Epicurious has the best recipes, and they're very simple. Just type in the ingredient you want to use, and then choose a recipe. Peruse the reader reviews and comments as well, for added tips on how to cook the dish.

BRAISED CHICKEN BREASTS ON CREAMY LEEKS
We adapted this dish from a recipe in La Cuisine Spontanée by Swiss chef Frédy Girardet. Braising the chicken breasts over the leeks keeps them satisfyingly moist and tender. Crusty bread is a good accompaniment.
Active time: 25 min Start to finish: 35 min

2 lb medium leeks (white and pale green parts only)
4 boneless skinless chicken breast halves (1 1/2 lb total)
1/2 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/3 cup dry white wine
1/3 cup chicken broth
1/3 cup heavy cream

Halve leeks lengthwise, then cut crosswise into 1-inch pieces.

Pat chicken dry and season with salt and pepper. Heat oil and 1/2 tablespoon butter in a 10-inch nonstick skillet over moderately high heat until foam subsides, then brown chicken on both sides, about 4 minutes total. Transfer to a plate.

Add wine to skillet and deglaze by boiling over high heat, stirring and scraping up brown bits, until reduced to about 2 tablespoons, 1 to 2 minutes. Add leeks and remaining 2 tablespoons butter and salt and pepper to taste, then simmer over moderately low heat, covered, stirring occasionally, until leeks are wilted, about 10 minutes. Stir in broth. Top leeks with chicken breasts and juices from plate, then gently simmer over low heat, covered, until leeks are tender and chicken is just cooked through, about 8 minutes .

Transfer chicken breasts to a plate. Add cream to skillet and boil over high heat, stirring occasionally, until thickened slightly, 1 to 2 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Serve chicken on top of leeks. Makes 4 servings.

Gourmet, February 2001

I got in touch with the ex-husband after my grandmother died, and he was very sympathetic and sweet. He's a nice guy, and it's too bad we just couldn't live together very peacefully.

Anyway, he told me he was researching his family tree and found out that his mother's side of the family first emigrated to California in 1850. His mom's ancestor was the captain of a ship that sailed from Liverpool to San Francisco, and then stayed for the gold rush.

His mom's ancestor sailing captain was one of the founders of the town of Redwood City, which is on the peninsula south of the city of San Francisco. What a trip!

I typed up the "Spooning with My Mother" story from my notes. I was so excited to finish writing it, but as I was typing it up I realized that it needs a ton of work.

I'm good with the plot thing, because at least I have a beginning, a middle and an end. But the story reads like it's too choppy and very disjointed. My character keeps going to back to a memory she had in the past, and I'm not liking the transitions from present to past and back.

I started to get confused reading it, which is bad. If the author is confused, what about the reader?

I need some way to let the reader know the story is now taking place in present time as opposed to the past, and visa versa.

I'm taking a writing class in a couple of weeks which focuses on how to structure your stories better, which should help my short story because it definitely needs it.

No wonder I can't lose weight. Since I got back from vacation, I've spent about $200 on food. The money is leaving my checking account and sitting on my fat tummy forever. I hate that.

I hate this expression but it's so true; "a second on your lips becomes a lifetime on your hips."

I started a new excel spreadsheet to track my calories today. I'll start modestly and eat 1,400 calories per day.

There are daily Weight Watcher's meetings at several different times at a nearby shopping mall. My friends who are doing the program like it because 1) you can add more points if you exercise and 2) you can bank points for special occassions.

I'm going to see how I do with my calories this week, and if I can't hack it I'll go to a Weight Watcher's meeting.

I found a copy of The Economist at the gym, and read it on my train ride home. It's a good magazine, and easy to read. They had some really good information on what's happening in the world from a financial perspective, and I was surprised how fascinating it all was.

I think you can really learn alot about what drives people, companies, organizations and even countries when you study their finances. How neo-marxist of me huh?

I'm trying to decide if I need to subscribe to this mag. I registered at their site, and I'll get a newsletter via email once a week from them on their current articles. If I find myself reading The Economist online constantly, I'll get a subscription.

On Saturday, another friend called and we went to the Aloha festival at the Presidio. It's a two-day festival dedicated to everything Hawaiian.

We stood in line for half an hour to get shaved ice and malasadas. Malasadas are portuguese donuts rolled in sugar. They are so yummy. At highschool football games on Kauai, along with the usual sporting event food the vendors sold bags of malasadas and boiled peanuts.

The sun even came out and it was warm and muggy, just like in Hawaii. We even got to see some hula. There was a maori dance troupe with poi balls, and for sentimental reasons I bought a pair. I remember learning to do a hula with poi balls when I was a little girl.

Then my friend and I ate a plate of hawaiian food, like I didn't eat enough hawaiian style pork when I was home. Afterwards, my friend left to meet her boyfriend and I went to the gym to workout and lift weights.

My friend, whom I spent the day with, told me she was doing Weight Watchers. She's lost 10 pounds so far with little effort. She said she liked the feeling of having to be accountable to someone for her weight.

I'm wondering if I too need to go to Weight Watchers to lose these last 10-15 pounds that I've been struggling with all my life. I like the weight I'm at now because it's comfortable for me to maintain, but I know I'm not at my goal weight of 135 pounds.

It would so great to achieve my goal weight, but I'm totally worried about trying to maintain that weight. 145-150 pounds has been such an easy weight to maintain for me, but I am still so fat. I have clothes in my closet that still don't fit, and I still have a poochy tummy.

I'm thinking I could at least try Weight Watchers for a month just to see if I like it, and if it makes a difference. I was able to lose 30 pounds on my own, but maybe now I need a little extra push to get to my goal.

A friend came over for dinner on Friday, and I had my first dinner at my new place where I actually cooked.

I made an italian rissoto with chicken, leeks, mushrooms (white, crimini, portobello and and porcini) and spinach. It was a bit salty because I used this refrigerated chicken stock, which I've never used before. My friend seemed to like it though, and I topped the dish with grated romano cheese.

I watched the rissoto being made one of my favourite TV cooking shows, Lydia's Kitchen. She is a great italian cook and her dishes are always so easy.

It was fun to cook and make food for my friend. For an appetizer, I heated up some brie to eat with slices of my favorite italian bread - pugliese.

I bought an expensive chocolate sauce to pour over vanilla ice cream for dessert, but we were so full from dinner and the bottle of chardonnay we drank that we skipped it.

Other catholic literature I found in my grandmother's house, and kept as family relics.

A booklet for the "Perpetual Novena in honor of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal". I remember having to go to novena every Wednesday.

A book - "My Communion: Devotions Before and After Communion", copyright 1935, 1942

A book - "The Saint Joseph Daily Missal", copyright 1961.This book is cool because it had the mass in Latin and in English. What an antique! And the pictures look so familiar to me.

A book - "My Sunday Missal Explained by Father Stedman", with a mass calendar from 1953 - 1959.

A book - another old prayer book in Latin and English, on the page for the "Prayers in great sorrow" my grandmother wrote "He is not happy with me.

A booklet - "The Way of the Cross by Saint Alphonsus Liquori". I remember this book being used for Stations of the Cross, which my family attended every Friday during the Lenten season.

I found a bible in my grandmother's dresser, which I think was hers. It's very, very old with brown pages and a bit termite eaten. The edition is the "The Holy Bible: Red Letter Edition". There isnt' a publication date, so I have no idea how old it is.

I found the following passage highlighted.

Isaiah 65: 21-23
And they shall build houses, and inhabit them; and they shall plant vineyards, and eat the fruit of them. They shall not build, and another inhabit; they shall not plant, and another eat: for as the days of a tree are the days of my people, and mine elect shall long enjoy the work of their hands. They shall not labour in vain, nor bring forth for trouble; for they are the seed of the blessed of the Lord, and their offspring with them.

I wonder if this was a favourite passage of hers.

On my bloggie stats, someone typed into Google "elfgirl in the city" to find my bloggie. Who is looking for my bloggie?

I saw three movies while on vacation.

Plane movies

Agent Cody Banks - a kid's movie, predictable and boring, but I suppose good for the young ones. The CIA is recruiting children in this one, watch out!

Down with Love - Ewan McGregor and Renee Zellwegger in the early 60's. Love the clothes, the story was tired and boring, the woman who played 7 of 9 in Voyager is in it, Ewan as a swinging early 60's bachelor (probably modelled a little on a young Hugh Hefner) is worth the price of the video rental because he does a great southern accent.

Theatre Movie

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
This movie is so worth seeing just to see close ups of Johnny Depp's face, but then again I'd see any movie starring Johnny Depp. Depp is just so darn good looking, and he's aging very, very well!

My star trek crazy cousin and I agreed that Orlando Bloom (the beautiful elf boy from LOTR) looked so much cuter as a blondie, so we weren't quite as enamored of him this time around. Geoffrey Rush was his excellent acting self.

Pirates was a great movie and lots of fun. Not sure why the critics panned it because everyone in the theatre in Lihue loved it, and clapped at the end. The special effect are great as well.

Didn't everyone grow up wanting to be a pirate, reading about pirates, or playing a game of pirates as a kid?

At Ala Moana Shopping Center in Honolulu, there are three great surf shops that I love; Island Snow, Hawaiian Island Creations and Town and Country Surf Hawaii.

HIC and T&C have been around since I was in high school, and Island Snow is relatively new. The stores carry the latest in surf, skateboarding and snow board fashions, as well as equipment and accessories for the various sports.

While in Honolulu, I saw so many people carrying "DaKine backpacks", I just had to have one. They looked so trendy there, and even my chiropractor today told me I had a really cool looking backpack. Check the site out, DaKine.

Da Kine is hawaiian pidgin english for the phrase, "the thing" or "that sort of thing". People say "you know the da kine", then they would go on to explian what "da kine" really means. It's like a catch all phrase, like "whatever".

Anyway, so I bought a "varial" pack, which can be found under Skate packs. Like supposedly, if I had a skateboard I could attach my skateboard to my backpack. Like whatever. It was the cutest, coolest looking and most reasonally priced backpack in the store.

Another idea for a new story from read a book on greek and roman mythology.

Apollo, roman and greek god of the Sun. Also manifested in Egypt as Amen-Ra, god of the sun. Although Apollo/Amen-Ra don't exist, their spirit lives on. Didn't Star Trek find some planet where Apollo lived? My cousin is a serious trekkie, who just had the logo of Star Trek tatooed on her leg and attends the convention in LA every year.

Apollo keeps track of all his followers in their various incarnations. The story takes place in modern day. A dark aspect of Apollo takes over the family of one of his priestesses, and causes havoc and health problems. Apollo uses human bodies to experience life, but the use of a human's body causes harm to the person health and their mind. Apollo can only be banished by an ancient greek exorcism ritual, and the young people in the family travel to Greece to learn how to exorcise Apollo from their family. But of course, he's a god and he's not going to leave without a fight.

Someone in the comments was asking if I had come up with new story ideas, and I did.

While on vacation, I was reading about "devas" or nature spirits. This the name for gods or goddesses who rule over things, usually nature type stuff.

Story idea # 1
Title - Living in the Glass

A story about a woman who is married to the deva (god) of glass and light transmission. The deva of glass and light transmission rules the world of light tranmission. The deva of glass and light transmission has the ability to steal souls of spirit who use light to transmit themselves. Think of the transporter from Star Trek. That's a form of light transmission.

Story Idea # 2
Title - Lady of the Tiger

A story about a woman married to the deva of the saber toothed tiger. Through marriage, she acquires the tiger's ability to sense danger and predators. But the deva of the saber tooth tiger is cruel, he lives in darkness and not in the light. The deva of the saber tooth tiger takes over an unsuspecting tiger and has the tiger kill people. The life of the lady of the tiger is spent avoiding curses put on them by the angry people and other natural tiger predators.

The first day back at work is always difficult.

I typed my password in and I couldn't log into the system. I was on on hold with the IT help desk before I remembered that windows xp is case sensitive and the first letter of my password is capitalized. DUH!!!

After reading a ton of email, I had two conference calls to attend and an analysis to put together. I know I shouldn't complain. At least I came home to a job and I'm busy at work and not looking over my shoulder wondering if I'll get canned.

Open enrollment happened while I was away on vacation, so I had to call HR to get some forms faxed to me. Luckily, I was only two days past the deadline. I wanted to change my health plan to a cheaper version. The company ended up changing insurance carriers, so new beneficiary forms had to be filled out by everyone.

I know about these things now since I've had to deal with they dying stuff at my grandmother's funeral.

Note to everyone. Put all your important papers in one place and mark it clearly. When you die, it will make things much easier for your family or whoever will be going through your stuff.

Cleaning out my grandmother's house made me realize very clearly that when you die, you don't take your stuff with you. Someone will have to throw it all out or sell your things. The less stuff the better. It's all going to end up at a charity, in someone else's house, or most of the time in the trash. Get rid of it now and save your family the pain of throwing your junk out after you die.

I got invited twice to go to Stern Grove for a picnic and to see the San Francisco Ballet perform. It would have been nice to sit in the sun and eat and watch the ballet, but I turned them down.

I went to the gym instead and started work on those 10 pounds I picked up on vacation. I definitely don't need to gain anymore weight by eating picnic food.

After working out, I shopped for food and things for the apartment. I bought a new mouse, because the Barbie mouse a friend gave me one christmas is driving me insane. I have no idea what I did with my old mouse. I bought a logitech mouse for $20.

Then I went on a hunt for this organic room freshener that I found. It comes in a can and the scent is called "desert jasmine". It's the best smelling and the only room freshener I've found that actually smells like a real flower.

I had to go three Targets to find it, but it's so worth it. It smells so good!

Then I came home and watched tv all night. I didn't watch tv while on vacation, so it was kind of fun to just sit and relax and flip channels all night.

I'm back at home tonight, checking email and getting caught up on my fave blogs and other news.

I meant to blog a bit more, but once the relatives started arriving on Wednesday things got very busy. Then I flew to Honolulu and spent time with one of my sisters who is the process of moving back to Hawaii.

I'm glad to be home. It's way too hot and humid in Hawaii for me now, and the fog in SF is so refreshing.

Spent way too much money as usual. Some of it was to buy presents for nieces and nephews and to help my sister get set up to live back home, but I did buy a bunch of stuff for myself.

I'm going to spend the next three months paying off my trip and trying to lose the 10 or so pounds I gained on vacation. I really went overboard with the eating and the no exercising thing.

I'm glad to be home, but sad to be leaving the islands. SF is my home now, but Hawaii will always be home too.

Greetings from Kauai. I'm blogging from the Hanapepe Public Library. For $10, I signed up for a 3 month visitor card, good for 50 minutes once a day of internet usage. It's probably cheaper than logging in at the internet cafe, which I still haven't found but which I'll probably look for anyway. Why not? I'll be here for 9 days.

I tried to log in with my baby laptop from home, but my connection kept dropping. I'm going to try to research the problem today.

There's a rosary every night at my grandma's house at 6:30 pm. People come and say the rosary and then everyone brings a dish to share and we all eat.

I'd forgotten how hot and humid Kauai is, especially on my side of the island. It's about 80-85 degrees, but there is a slight breeze. Still, it's way too hot for me.

Most tourists are in hotels on the north shore at Hanalei or Poipu. I live on the exact opposite end of the island, where there are no hotels, at least I haven't seen any so far.

The only people who live on this side of the island are the ones who actually live here, or are visiting friends and family. My West Virginia friend who visited with me in 1998, loved that my side of the island was tourist free.

I've been cleaning up my grandma's house, and threw out six bags of old clothes. I saw a shirt she had of mine from grade school. There is so much old stuff in the house. I need to clear out as much junk as possible before the other relatives arrive.

One of the few things I miss about Hawaii is the food. The fish here is so fresh, caught in the early morning in the ocean and sold at the supermarket later a few hours later. YUMMY!

My goal as always when I visit home is to eat a pound of raw fish a day, they call it sashimi here. Or, eat it prepared hawaiian style which they call poke. In fancy restaurants in San Francisco, they call it tuna tartare. It's just raw tuna fish, tossed with fresh seaweed, onions, and sesame seed and oil. It's totally heavenly.

They also have a similar poke dish made out of salmon and baby octopus. I just can't get food like this in San Francisco, so I have to take advantage.

If I figure out my internet problems from home, I may blog later tonight.

I've been busy all weekend trying to get ready for my trip home. I bought a new travel sleep pillow, not sure where my old one went. I bought some waterproof thing to keep my stuff in when I go to the beach.

Urinetown was great by the way. It was such a funny musical, very irreverent, riffing off a ton of old broad musicals. It was kind of like Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction. Every thing in the play referenced some familiar broadway musical. My friend from New York who's seen them all got all of it, I hardly got any.

An opportunity for me to possibly buy a place in San Francisco came up on Sunday in an informational meeting. I'd be living downtown at South Beach underneath the Bay Bridge. It's not the neighbourhood I would have liked to live in, but you can't be choosy when it comes to buying a place in the city and county of San Francisco. It's two blocks from Pac Bell Park and two blocks from the Bay if that helps you think of the neighbourhood.

The opportunity for housing is coming through an affordable housing project, something I thought I could never apply for because my income was too high. But they've raised the limits so now I qualify. Yeah for me!

It's a lottery system, and who knows if I'd get it in, let alone qualify for a home loan. I wanted to buy a place, but not till after 2004, and not until after my car and other debts are paid off.

A friend bought her place through an affordable housing project, and waited 5 years before she could get into a place and buy it. She told me it was good to start now, just to get my name out there and into the pool of people looking to buy property.

The meeting was valuable just as an informational tool for what it takes for me to even qualify for a home loan. This home buying thing is so far ahead of the schedule I set for myself, but my friend convinced me that opportunity is knocking and I need to answer the call.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to blog from Kauai. I found an internet cafe 5 minutes from house, and I'm my taking my baby laptop as well, so it's not like I won't have the opportunity.

I just know if I'll be in any kind of mood to blog much. I'm going to play the blogging thing by ear. Kauai is so out of it technologically wise, I think. It might be kind of nice to unplug from the world for a couple of weeks, and enjoy my birthplace.

My brother called and said my grandmother's funeral is scheduled for Saturday July 19 at 1 pm. He's going to have an orchid flower arrangement made for our branch of the family with all of our names. My brother is so very good at taking care of the things like this, and I am very grateful.

I'm going to the play "Urinetown" tonight, which has been on my schedule all year since I'm an ACT subscriber. "Urinetown" got a great review, and its run has been extended, so the show should be good.

I'm meeting a friend at California Pizza Kitchen before the show, since she also bought a ticket for tonight. The friend I'm meeting tonight was planning to go to Kauai with me later in the year to meet my grandma. She wanted to meet the woman who partially raised me. As they say, the best laid plans often fail.

The postal service delivered some natural healing remedies that I ordered last week to take to Hawaii for my grandma's recovery. I guess I'll just take them myself now. I don't think it will hurt me to take all the heart remedies I bought, since heart disease runs in the family.

It was weird to open the box and to see what I had bought. I was really looking forward to sharing my natural healing knowledge with my grandma.

Things I remember about my grandma

She was beautiful
She was smart
She wore ball gowns
She liked wearing spikey three inch heels
She loved to dance and was a great dancer
She made me watch wrestling and Lawrence Welk with her
She always wore pearls, and was a jewelry freak
She taught me how to tell good diamonds from bad diamonds
She loved Elvis Presley, Tom Jones, Engelbert Humperdink, Jack Jones, Don Ho, The Commodores especially Lionel Richie, The Police especially Sting, ABBA, The Temptations, and Barry Manilow
She was very emotional
She love Hong Kong kung fu action movies and has an awesome video collection
She loved Bruce Lee but thought Jean Claude Van Dame was a dud
She was a typical suburban housewife who popped valium, diet pills, drank sherry or vermouth, and for a time became a darvon (painkiller) addict
She was painfully catholic and we had giant crucifixes in every room, plus statues of Jesus, Mary, and a shrine to the Infant of Prague
She loved me

Things I remember about my biological mom:

She was beautiful
She was tall
She was smart
She was always laughing
She was always melancholy
She loved Jim Morrison and the Doors, and was freaked out when Morrison died
She adored Cat Stevens, Brenda Lee, Al Green, Bette Midler, and Maria Muldaur
She smoked hippie lettuce or tripped on acid while listening to the Doors
She had a thing for pretty boys (this must where I get this trait from)
She loved me

I've heard it said that you have "other worldly" experiences when a loved one dies. So here's mine.

I'm lying in bed crying thinking, "why didn't grandma wait for me, she knew I was coming to take care of her in a week?" I felt like moans were coming from deep inside of me somewhere and I hurt all over.

I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling and I saw this really bright light. First I thought it was the sun making a reflection through my window, so I closed my eyes again and went back to crying.

Then it occured to me that maybe I had seen some kind of vision, some kind of ghost. So I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling, but the light was gone. So much for ghostly visitations.

But then the light appeared again, and it was so strong it hurt my eyes. I kept looking at the light, and it was like a door had opened, and someone was peeking in at me.

People who have near death experiences say that when you die, you see this really bright light and the end of a tunnel.

Then the light and shadow faded like a door had closed. So I'm thinking maybe grandma died because she couldn't resist the light, she couldn't resist the heavenly light of god's love.

I'm sure she was thinking, "why come back to this world and my frail old body and few more months of life, and the loneliness I've felt these last 10 years after my husband's death. God's light and love is so irresistable, how can I not go?

I know I have loved ones who want to see me, but God's light and love seem so comforting. I can't resist, I have to go, it's too strong, and the only thing keeping me here is seeing my family.

But they'll understand, they'll know I couldn't resist the light, it's too strong, too inviting, too peaceful. I am tired, I am tried of fighting my body, I am tired of living, I want to go home, home to where I came from, home to God."

I know my grandma is happy where she is, wrapped in God's love and surrounded by angels and other loved ones who have also passed. I know she probably couldn't resist the light.

From a fave astrology site - forecast for Wednesday July 9:

"Mars is about to come closer to the earth than at any point in the past 73,000 years. Between now and September, it will be brighter in the sky than it has ever been before. Traditionally of course, Mars is the war planet."

Is this why the world is going on a helter skelter ride right now?

When it rains, it pours. Like we're talking monsoon here.

Just when I have to deal with my family thing, my work life goes bonkers (bonkie)!

I have back to back conference calls tomorrow morning starting at 9 am, and if I end up flying home on Thursday, I have a conference call an hour before my airport shuttle arrives.

I hate this! My life is stressing me on all sides. As an old boss used to day, "it's just another nail in my coffin."

My grandmother died a couple of hours ago. I am in shock. When we last spoke, she was very happy that I was coming home to take care of her and that we would be able to spend some time alone together.

The doctors put a stint in her heart today, and a few hours later she died.

So much for best laid plans and plans for a short future.

My only consolation is that my grandmother and I made our peace together many years ago. There was nothing I needed to say to her, nothing hidden, nothing unsaid that I needed to tell her before she died. Except "I love you, thanks for taking care of me, and goodbye." Things I'd already told her over the years many times.

At least I got to talk to her. Perhaps her last thoughts of me were that I was coming home to take care of her, and how happy this made her. I'm hoping for this at least. It makes the pain more bearable.

From the LA Times, a fun article on Trader Joe's; In the aisles of Trader Joe's, a culture all its own.

I love Trader Joe's. I've been shopping at this store for years! I remember telling my friend in Portland, Oregon about Trader Joe's years ago, and her husband didn't want her to shop there because it was "low-rent".

Now Trader Joe's is so trendy. What a laugh!

This is how the ex-catholic brother in my Sunday christian education class talked about the liberal christian scholar Marcus Borg.

"Borg theorizes that Jesus was just an ordinary man who was crucified by the romans. The early christian church used Jesus' death to create the metaphor of resurrection to break away from the absolute rule of the jewish temple. Borg says that he can't imagine resurrection being real because 1) he can't imagine Jesus as an ordinary human being could give himself up to death that way and 2) a man rising from the dead, come on."

I spoke to the ex-catholic brother about his Borg theory afterwards, and I told him that Borg made Jesus sound like an dupe, a doofus, an accidental saviour, a pawn of the early christian church established by Paul.

Borg is also an apologist for the christian religion, and the guy has obviously never read the journals of soldiers, who go into battle knowing they are facing death, but go anyway for a higher purpose.

What underlies Borg's whole theory of Jesus is back to what Jesus asks his disciples in the gospel; "who the people say that I am, and who do you say that I am?".

Borg doesn't seem to have much of an opinion of Jesus as a person, if he can't see Jesus in the model of a soldier dying for a higher purpose. And what really pisses me off about Borg is he must essentially reject the notion that "Jesus is fully human and fully divine."

The ex-catholic brother agreed with me, and said Borg angers him as well, but he does have good things to say for newcomers to the Christian faith (if you want a watered down politically correct jesus I suppose) and if you were like many people, abused by religion as a child by overzealous adults.

And I'm like whatever. Marcus Borg is a freak, with no imagination. An apologist I suppose, but a prime example of how the age of enlightenment and rationalism, and my personal favorite evil - political correctness, has harmed religion and the idea and practice of faith.

Faith cannot be proved scientifically. Faith cannot be researched historically. Faith is the Kierkegaardian leap of faith into the unknown.

Faith in the context of the christian religion goes back to Jesus' question: "Who do you say that I am?" The answer to this question is the lens (to borrow from Borg) through which you will view your faith, your religion, and your spiritual journey.

I just checked the US Census Bureau on Income; Money Income in the United States 2001.

The median income in 2001 for the US was $42,873. Alaska, Maryland, Connecticut, Minnesota and New Jersey had the highest median incomes. Alaska had the highest at $55,246.

Maybe we're in for a longer recession than I thought; Finance: the Downscaling of America.

Can't wait to see what other economic watchers have to say.

An unbelievable quote from the article:

"Middle income households, which in 2001 earned between $33,315 and $53,000, earn 14.6 percent of American income every year."

I can't believe middle income household salary range is that low, because that's not a lot of money. In San Francisco, the median income is $60,250.

I didn't end up going to the bullfights for the Fourth. I cleaned house, and then a friend called and he came over with food and we watched the fireworks on TV.

He'd just broken up with a longtime girlfriend, so he was as emotionally messed as I was. We sat around discussed each other's mutual woes. My friend's dad recently died so he understood.

It was nice to spend time with my friend and just be all weepy and emotional, because he was feeling the same way too. Plus, he brought over some great store bought fried chicken and potato salad, and he remembered that I liked diet pepsi. Got a love a guy that brings over good tasting food and remembers what kind of soda you drink.

Good thing too, I stocked up up on beer and wine because the boy can sure drink a ton.

I saw the opera "La damnation de Faust" by Berlioz on Thursday. I read the review afterwards, 'Faust' triumphs with or without orgy, and agreed with the reviewer that I couldn't hear the singing of the lead playing Faust.

I was up in the cheap seats, in the balcony and thinking, isn't this guy miked up? I've never had that experience before, and it was very annoying. I could hear the choir fine, and the other singers, but not Faust.

Then I felt bad because the last opera I'd seen was Laz Buhrmann's "La Boheme", and a big deal was made about the singers being miked in that production.

Oh well. When I saw "Turandot", I could hear the the prince perfectly, so it was definitely the fault of the opera singer playing Faust.

And yes, there was an S&M San Francisco style orgy going on, and one point a woman in the choir took off her her blouse revealing her black bra. Some guy in the choir also took off his tux shirt, but the choir chick in the black bra got the most attention, especially when she started kissing the woman next to her.

Now there's a way to pack people in to see the opera, especially the men of both persuasions not to mention the young ones, lesbian sex scenes, S&M threesomes, lots of black leather S&M get ups, and men in black leather jock straps with their hairy butts hanging out.

Plus there was that one scene in that men only tavern where two nuns and two priests come out, and then strip their clothes off to reveal themselves as men wearing fake breasts and jock straps (and yes more hairy butts) who then are groped by the men in the tavern.

But the singing was divine, except for that darned lead tenor! And the opera was short; two hours with no break.

There were many references to easter, and at the end children came out with the girls dressed like they were at their first communion and the boys were carrying crosses. It added a nice counter balance to all the sex scenes, I think.

Oh, and did I mention that the girl singer had short hair, which kind of made her look like a young boy, if you know what I mean. Or maybe she was supposed to have that Julie Andrews nun look from "The Sound of Music".

It was all very questionable, I think. But then this is San Francisco and you're going to have to play to all types of desires I think. A young boy, a young girl, what does it matter, because in the end Faust goes to hell and the young boy/girl, led astray by desire, is redeemed.

Subject: Fw: [SRL] quick before they take it down..

Go to http://www.google.co.uk

then type: weapons of mass destruction

Don't press Search!!

Next click the "I'm feeling lucky" button - read the

error message and read the page error page . .

This is probably really old and I know I've seen it before, but I found it on a site about Kauai and I still think it's very funny.

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other
system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks, Joe
=================================
Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that life 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0,
so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 4.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.6. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.

Tech Support.

One of the things I do miss about home is the hourly "Surf Report". How can you live without knowing what the waves are doing?

Here's a fun surfing site I check out when I feel homesick and need to see some wave action; Surfline.

I love the cam shots of waves all over the world! Note to self: check out all the surfing stores to buy 1) surfing dvds and videos and 2) long sleeve surfing brand t-shirts with writing on the sleeves. I love long sleeve t-shirts with designs and/or writing on the sleeves.

Anti-americanism may be popular in Europe and the rest of the world, but it's not stopping fashion designers for men's clothes in Paris from using american-style clothes in their current collections; Macho America Storms Europe's Runways.

This article sounds like it comes right out out of a science fiction story, and will probably have ramifications for the future of genetic research, Scientists Produce Human Embryos of Mixed Gender.

From the LA Times, a very interesting article on a play; The comedy "US and Them" probes the special but fraying relationship between Britons and Americans.

Two interesting points which I find very true.

"I talked with Tamsin about what it must be like to grow up thinking that you live in the greatest nation on Earth," Darnell says, "For the American character to say, 'Every day I thank God for my country' — in certain parts of America, it would be seen as, 'Of course you do,' whereas from an English perspective, it's seen as something to laugh at. "

I think I do wake up and think I lived in the greatest country in the world.

" "I can't pretend it hasn't been difficult," she says with a sigh. "Anti-Americanism has become the only acceptable prejudice in the world, but I'm not in favor of anti-anythingism. We criticize American policies, but we all buy American things and watch American films and drool over American celebrities. We have to examine what it is about America that we don't like and how much of it is actually reflecting us.

The playwright concludes: "At the same time as we criticize America, we're all becoming more American. If we are victims of American cultural imperialism, then we have to look at what part we play in going along with it." "

The ex-catholic brother and I were talking last Sunday about being catholic. I told him that the priests serving at my childhood church were from the Marist order. He said "that explains everything".

I asked him what he meant, and he said that the Marists were originally from the Benedictine order, or something like that, and that the Marists were the liberal catholics.

He told me that most of the catholics churches in San Francisco were conservative, which he said was so strange since San Francisco has the reputation for being a liberal city.

I've been researching the Marists, the Benedictine order, and the history of catholicism in France. The Marists priesthood was born in the aftermath of the French Revolution.

There was an article on the Net about liberal catholicism coming out of France, after the French revolution. There's just too much to take in and to synthesize for me to make sense of it tonight. But I kind of the gist of what he's saying.

The ex-catholic brother also said that he thought the presbyterian church was a strain from the Benedicitine order. I have no idea what he meant when he said this, but I'm dying to find out.

Here's a site with some great touristy type pictures of Kauai: Kauai Image Galleries.

There's even a picture of Salt Pond, which is one of my favorite beaches near where I grew up. It's an enclosed pond, so you dont' have to worry about riptides when you swim. It was a favorite party beach when I was high school. One night my friends and I had a drunken moonlight swim, and then afterwards we laid on the beach in hopes of getting a "moon tan".

What To Expect On Kauai (from some internet site)

Location
Kauai is an island, part of the State of Hawaii and the United States. It is about 100 miles (160 kilometers) northwest of Honolulu, which is on the island of Oahu.

Air Transportation
Unless you have your own boat, or are on a cruise, the only way to reach Kauai is by air. United Airlines, American Airlines, Hawaiian Airlines and Aloha Airlines fly to the airport in Lihue on Kauai from Honolulu and various airports on the Mainland USA. There is also a small commuter plane that flies once a day from Honolulu to Princeville on the North Shore of Kauai. Flights from California directly to Honolulu or Lihue take about five hours. Please note that the Lihue Airport does not have any currency exchange services.

The Social Environment
Kauai is rural. The population is about 55,000 scattered mostly around the coast and concentrated in a few small towns. Overall, sidewalks and wheelchair ramps are very limited. It is the custom of most residents to remove their footgear when they enter a home, but not a store. There is not a great deal of evening entertainment. (no kidding! you are in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the pacific ocean and you can't drive off.)

The Physical Environment
Kauai is a tropical island, with all its implications.

Weather - at its best, a balmy 77F (25C), with blue skies, puffy white clouds, soft breezes and gentle waves. At its worst, either stormy and rainy with high waves, or very hot and humid with waves doing whatever they feel like. The weather is very changeable, and there is no guarantee of any kind for any season.
Swimming - you must always use caution, because the waves and currents are unpredictable, even on a calm day. The rules are "If in doubt, don't go out" and "If you do go out, look about." People are lost every year, either by large waves they weren't looking at or by riptides. If you should get caught in a riptide (a strong current that pulls you out to sea for up to a hundred yards or so) just go with it until it weakens and swim along the shore until you can get back in.
Wildlife - no snakes and nothing larger than wild boar, which you are unlikely to see unless you go hunting for it in the mountains. Lots of birds, and lots of insects. You are most likely to encounter mosquitoes, geckos (small lizards that often live indoors), cockroaches, spiders of various sizes, and, possibly, a centipede or two.

Information about my home island.

The tropical paradise of Kaua'i basks amidst the sparkling blue waters of the Pacific Ocean, about 20 minutes by air from Honolulu. Formed some six million years ago, the island encompasses roughly 550 miles and is the oldest and northernmost of the main Hawaiian Islands.

Here's one of the official sites: Discover Kaua'i.

Comments from the anti-semitic professor at Oxford on the Oxford University site; Comments by Professor Andrew Wilkie.

Is this anti-semitic? Outrage as Oxford bans student for being Israeli.

I spoke to my eldest aunt, who lives on Kauai, and she said my grandma will be home by the time I get to Hawaii. I think my aunt was happy to know I was coming, because she's the one who's going to be taking care of grandma since she lives nearby.

The rest of the family will see grandma at the hospital, but it's my aunt who will be the major caretaker until my uncle arrives in August to move in and take care of her. My aunt said it will be nice for her to have help and relief.

My grandma will probably freak out though because that means I'll be making her meals. She's an excellent cook, and she knows I'm not up to her skill in the kitchen. Oh well. My aunt can't really cook either, so I don't feel that bad.

I went through a Jack Benny fit trying to decide how to get home. I decided in the end to fly on Aloha, because they're partnered with United Airlines. With my airline mileage flying to Hawaii and back, I'll have enough for a free trip on United.

It would have been cheaper to go with Suntrips, and I've booked with them before and they're not that bad. But for an extra $200, I'll earn a free trip on United within the continental United Staes. Got to use up my United Airlines miles before anything else happens with them.

I'm spending 8 days on Kauai, then I'll fly to Honolulu to visit with my brother, shop and be a tourist. I have a hankering to see the Honolulu Zoo. I haven't been there since I was a kid.

This is the first time I won't be staying in a hotel on some part of my trip home. My brother told me I could stay at his house, and I said yes. He doesn't live that far from downtown Waikiki, the bus system in Honolulu is decent for a city its size, and it's only for a few nights.

I love staying in hotels, and I think I'm going to miss that part of the trip the most.

My screenwriting teacher is spending the summer surfing on the North Shore of Oahu, and I may send her an email to see if she wants to get together.

I'm relieved to have the logistics part of my trip taken care of. I bought a ticket, reserved my rental car, and even made airport shuttle reservations.

Now I have to get ready for the emotional part of my trip. I have a feeling grandma won't live past September, and this will probably be the last time I'll see her.

It makes me happy to think that I may be returning the physical love and care that she gave me growing up.

I wasn't planning to do anything on July 4th, because I'm really too emotionally raw to be with people, but a friend just called and I may end up going with her to a bull fight.

Bull fights in California? What a trip! I'm sure the PETA people are up in the arms. Here's the schedule, California Bull Fights.

There's a bull fight on July 4th somewhere in the Central Valley. My friend has been to real ones in Spain, but I've never seen one.

This is the friend I went to West Virginia with last summer, and we were reminiscing about spending last July 4th on the golf course at The Greenbrier Resort in West Virginia, and watching the guards trying the keep the riff raff trash like us from getting close to the clubhouse.

I don't know though. I don't know if I'll be good company even for my friend, and we're playing it by ear since her boyfriend may want to go instead.

Part of me just wants to spend the holiday lying in bed and being by myself. Depression makes me tired and sleepy, and not very good company for anyone but myself.

I'm depressed. No doubt about it. I feel like I'm living in the land of limbo.

I can't make my flight reservations to fly home because I don't know if grandma is going to be in Honolulu or on Kauai. My family just doesn't know. And I feel bad for betting on my corporate and financial instincts, which says her healthplan will boot her out as soon as possible to save money.

I work in the business, that's how it goes. I even designed a report for my healthcare organization which listed which of our patients were in the hospitals. Every morning the nurses used the report to make sure that patients didn't stay in the hospitals any longer than they had to. The financial model was always shorter hospital stays, because hospital stays are the number one expense driver.

Still I can't be sure, so I have to wait and waiting is depressing. So I watch TV, and lie on my bed thinking about life. Or I iron clothes just to keep busy.

I can't write. Writing feels stupid in a life and death situation. Who the hell cares if I have anything to say or any stories to tell. Life is ending for god's sake.

Or I think how my biggest fear was I would lead an ordinary boring life, and maybe I'm living my greatest fear. A friend from Santa Barbara had a word for this kind of life, but I can't think about it right now because thinking takes too much effort.

I wonder where my Santa Barbara friend is now. I'm sure she's living in New York City somewhere with her PR business, living the kind of life I thought I wanted but gave up. But if I was living like my Santa Barbara friend, I would have been living in NYC when 9/11 happened, and that wouldn't have been fun either.

But TV is fun, and watching old taped TV shows are fun.

I watched Witchblade last night. The creators of that show did such an incredible job of tying everything in the show together. They have to, it's part of the plot. Now that's a cool writing trick, making tying everything together part of the story.

The story of the Witchblade is it's an object of power which endows the wearer with special powers. When someone wears the witchblade everything in their life becomes connected, there are no accidents, everything in life becomes a lesson for the witchblade wearer to learn.

I wish I had something in my life that connected everything together. Maybe then I would understand what is going on in my life right now.

My thoughts are rambling like my life. All over the place, all at once, randomly going from one incident to the next, with no purpose. Sorry about that.