This is so creepy! I was reading the headlines on SFGate.com when I see the name Darren Mack refusing to surrender in Mexico, and I'm like I know that name. Around 10 or so years ago, I took a Communications course from a guy named Darren Mack. He was dating someone named Charla, who also worked for the organization giving the course. I even saw Charla one night, and she had this stop you dead in your tracks diamond engagement ring on her finger. Darren said that Charla was the perfect woman for him. He also told the class that he was going through some terrible child custody court case with his first wife and their two kids.

I wasn't sure it was the same guy until I saw his picture, and it was him. How freaky! He was a very intense guy, and we kind of had a little run in on a conference call once. I had to hug him once after a seminar just because everyone was doing it, and I don't know ... it was very awkward ... I gave him a hug anyway but it was so awkward. He kind of creeped me out for whatever reason. No one else I knew was freaked out by him, but I was. I read in another news article that he and Charla left the organization I was taking classes from back in 2002. I stopped taking courses from that place in 1998.

Now Charla is dead, stabbed by Darren and he is being hunted by the police. Wow! You never know what people are capable of, until you read about them in the news or see them on TV wanted for murder.

This quote is from an article in the LA Times that came out on June 14 on A Wok With Jesus: Saving Souls in Chinese Kitchens: Thousands of Chinese kitchen workers live on the margins. A former restaurant owner tends to a subculture most Americans never see.

"Nationwide, more than 1 million immigrants work in 41,350 Chinese restaurants — from mom-and-pop takeouts to mammoth buffet enterprises employing hundreds, according to the Fremont, Calif.-based Chinese Restaurant News.Though many restaurants hire non-Asian workers, Lou's ministry concentrates on the Chinese — the people she knows best.It's a subculture hidden from most Americans. Speaking little or no English, many Chinese immigrants must settle for dispiriting kitchen work — laboring 12 hours a day, seven days a week.Many, here illegally, have no access to labor unions or social service networks. They live in cramped restaurant-owned dormitories or in rented garages without cooking facilities, bathrooms or running water.To cope with their harsh living conditions and mind-numbingly mundane work, many fall prey to gambling, drugs, alcohol and prostitution.Among the worn wooden chopping boards and flashing meat cleavers, hissing deep-fryers and walk-in freezers, the desire for a higher calling is fierce.

"In every kitchen, there's always the same tired old man hiding in the corner near the stove that is his life," Lou said. People in the restaurant business acknowledge a regimen called going "from the pillow to the stove," with no other life. Sadly, it's true," said Betty Xie, editor in chief of the Chinese Restaurant News. "Workers are lonely. They came from far away and don't have family with them. With no English skills, they don't have any choices."They're trapped by the restaurant life. They see no hope."

The phrase I red-fonted just brings tears to my eyes ... I don't know. Somehow I so relate to this image of the old man hiding in the corner. I feel like this in my job right now. My job is not my life, but I am so unhappy at my current job. It hasn't felt like home for these last years, and I keep getting distracted from leaving. It's all been for the best I know. There were lessons I needed to learn, people that I needed to meet, but I had such high hopes for this job that it was going to be a place where I could stay for awhile.

I know I need to give up this hope of ever being at home in job, and that my true job, my true life purpose is to focus on creative writing and not my job business writing of drafting a quality update for a regional medical directors meeting.

I"m listening to New Releases on Yahoo Music, and these are the songs that have caught my ear:

Through Glass by Stone Sour
In the Beginning by The Still
Beautiful by Nick Lachey
Leave the Pieces by The Wreckers
I need you love to love me by Barlowgirl

I was reading this on a chatboard I belong to and I think I fit into this "box".

Newsweek - June 5, 2006 issue

It's a Lohasian moment. The term for these 21st-century New Agers derives from an acronym created by marketers on the West Coast—LOHAS, as in Lifestyles of Health and Sustainability. The movie "The Celestine Prophecy" is opening, based on the 1993 book that may be the most popular alternative-spirituality book of the past few decades. Next comes the film version of Dan Millman's book "Way of the Peaceful Warrior," about a lost young gymnast who is guided through a mystical transformation by a wise mentor. And Al Gore's movie on global warming, "An Inconvenient Truth," is bound to be popular with the ecologically minded Lohasians. LOHAS consumers (or Lohasians, as they're called at Beliefnet) represent 17 percent of the U.S. population, according to a report released by the Natural Marketing Institute at a LOHAS conference held in April in Santa Monica, Calif. The study said Lohasians are "dedicated to personal and planetary health." Seventy-three percent buy recycled-paper goods, and 71 percent buy natural or organic "personal care" products. They pay more to get foods without pesticides and want their cars fuel-efficient. Among the products and services offered at the conference this year were detoxifying pine oil, organic body lotion, ecofriendly spas and recycled-cashmere sweaters. A decade ago, one attendee said, the conference vendor room offered only "broccoli and tomatoes."Lohasians shop just as widely for spiritual practices. From Buddhism: meditation and admiration of "nothingness." From Hinduism: yoga, gurus, color and chanting. From paganism: an emphasis on honoring nature. From Asian cultures: feng shui and acupuncture. Lohasians devour heaping doses of Western psychotherapy, plus the ideas of the recovery movement ("one day at a time"). They identify as "spiritual, not religious," and many believe in "synchronicity" or "meaningful coincidences" that might be guided by a spirit world. Does this sound like someone you know? If you have a yoga mat and "singing bowls," if you chant or do polarity therapy or energy healing, if you consume goji berries or biodynamic organic wines, you just might be a Lohasian.

—Steven Waldman and Valerie Reiss

I own a yoga mat and took a class in energy healing, but I don't own singing bowls nor do I consume goji berries although I have a friend who is selling them. I think I still qualify.

I went to a seminar with Julia Cameron tonight. She wrote "The Artist's Way" and "Vein of Gold." The woman sounded exactly like Joan Cuzak. She even had the same mannerisms. Cameron said she lives in Manhattan, a block away from Central Park, but her voice is soooo Chicago.

It was fun that she named dropped. She was engaged to Martino Scorcese and worked at The Washington Post during the Watergate era and knew Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein.

Cameron talked about morning pages, and I decided I needed to start doing them again. It's been years since I've done them, and I know I so rebelled against doing them. But it got the feeling that it was time to do to them again.

I went to Walgreen's after the class and picked up these really cool notebooks and new pens. I love buying new equipment when I'm about to start a project.

I was talking to a woman about one of my novels, and she told it was selfish to not want to write if I had the gift of writing. She told me she couldn't even imagine writing a fictional novel. I don't know. Maybe I am being selfish for not writing especially when I seem to easily make up stories. It's an issue that I am seriously pondering tonight.

Am I being selfish when I don't write because I was given the gift of writing?

Just finished filling out my absentee ballot for tomorrow's election, which I will hand into my polling place tomorrow. In all my years of living in the City and County of San Francisco, I have not once voted for Dianne Feinstein or Nancy Pelosi. I just leave those sections blank since I can't stand either person.

I voted for Fiona Ma only because voting for Janet Reilly would be like voting in Katie Couric for public office. An ex-television reporter married to a one-time political consultant great does not make for a great politician I think.

I voted No on every San Francisco measure especially the one concerning money. I thought the city was out of money. Guess not!

And for whatever reason Phil Angelides just bugs me. I think Steve Westly is more my kind of democrat because I like my politicians to have business experience.

And yes I voted for Jerry Brown for Attorney General, but not Deborah Ortiz for Controller.

I know I haven't been posting much, but I just don't feel like writing in my blog these days. I'm not doing any kind of writing at all, so it's not just my blog. It's been a strange month. It feels like I made a ton of spiritual progress, which has sadly shaken my core beliefs about who I am and what I need to make me happy.

I've had the feeling this month, which I only felt once before in my life, that I don't really know who I am anymore. It is not a very pleasant feeling. I think I would have been more frightened by these feelings, had I not experienced them before. My friend S is convinced that my health has been so poor lately because all these new revelations about myself has shaken my being to such depths, that it has affected my health.

I shall have to write more about this when I've processed it all. I think I am just now processing my break-up with M-Square to where I can talk about it rationally to my friends without inventing a story or making an excuse for what happened.

And I think the universe, just to make it really clear to me that my world is being turned upside down, sent me a clear message today. One of my favorite pastimes is to shop in Victoria's Secret. They are the only underwear stores that I've been able to find that sells decent cotton underwears and bras. So I walk to VC today and I notice that all their cotton bras are gone. The cotton undies are still there, but not the cotton bras. Of course you can still buy them online, but not in the store anymore. Can you tell my world is like seriously changing? It is to me when I can't shop in any Victoria's Secret store anymore.

The world is turning into a plastic polyster nightmare! Even Lands End is giving in to plastic clothes and hardly selling anything 100% cotton or other natural fabrics. It is beyond my comprehension why people would want to wear plastic bags around their body, because that is what you do when you wear polyester. Yes, poly folly does not wrinkle and is easy to take care of, but it also traps smells and is ghastly uncomfortable when it's hot.

I mean, why would any woman want to wear plastic undies and plastic bras unless they like underwear that will stink and make them sweat. So scary! No wonder men complain about certain odors when doing certain intimate acts - it's the chick's undies!

I saw "The Da Vinci Code" last night and loved the movie. It's not the book, but I thought Akiva Goldsman did an excellent job of translating the book into a movie. Even if you haven't read the book, you still the get fundamental story.

There were so many things that Ron Howard added visually which enhanced the book. My friend and I think that the critics hated it, because let's face it, the critics hate anything to do with spirituality. The critics hated "The Passion", and that was definitely an excellent movie and Mel Gibson made his money back and a ton more. Hollywood critics will never love a movie that has anything to do with Jesus.

Just because the critics hated the movie, I think people who read the book will still be interested in watching a movie made from the book just to see what was left in and what was left out.

My friend and I thought that some parts of the movie were very, very moving. And I think that if your faith is shaken by this fictional work, then your faith wasn't very strong to begin with because it's not like any of this information is very, very new. The filmmakers made it clear that no matter what you think Jesus did or didn't do, you cannot deny that he was an amazing spiritual master who changed the world for the better.

I give the movie a B+. "The Passion" is still my favourite modern Jesus movie after "The Last Temptation of Christ", but "The Da Vinci Code" is definitely worth seeing.

My money market account interest rate at my credit union is so far below what other banks are offering, I took about 2/3 of the money out and put it into one of those competitive money market accounts paying over 4%. Okay, the rate is not great but I need the fund to be as liquid as possible and still make a little money.

My friend said a CD isn't a bad way to go for since I rarely touch the money in my money market now, but I don't know. I just don't like the idea of my money being locked away from me for any amount of time.

What little money I have, I want to have access to sadly 24/7. This new money market fund comes with checks and an ATM with no charges too!

Thank god my gold and oil funds have doubled since I bought them last year. I am hoping oil goes to a $100 a barrel and gold goes up to $1,000 an ounce. I know this is bad because if oil goes to $100 a barrel, our economy will seriously be up the creek without much of a paddle.

I don't buy that many groceries, but I have been noticing these last few months that shopping at Trader Joe's is now becoming very, very expensive, almost as expensive as Whole Paycheck. I don't know how people are coping if their financial situation is already stretched. And gas is way out of control. I am so glad I don't drive to work anymore. I always picked up gas at a Costco out the city anyway, which retails gas about $0.20 below San Francisco and about $0.10 below the gas price in the area the store is located.

And yes, I am happy that I am used to being a vegetarian because buying food if you're a vegetarian is a hell of a lot cheaper than buying food if you're not. I'm used to eating like a poor vegetarian person who's always on a diet; it's been my MO since I was 19 years old. Going back to eating protein has only been a recent thing. It's probably good I don't drink very much now as well, since drinking adds up. I have an amazingly well-stocked liqour cabinet anway, so it's not like I need to ever buy the stuff for another year or two.

Clothes and anti-aging products like vitamins are my money drainers, and books too! Especially clothes that are on sale as I can't resist a sale; I think it's a genetic thing. And I hate not feeling good and not feeling healthy, and any amount of money is so worth spending to always feel like you're doing the latest and greatest to feel good and be healthy. I'm not sure how this attitude jives with my inability to keep my weight at a reasonable level, since being fat is not healthy. Perhaps it could have something to do wtih the fact that purchaseing another vitamin is so much more pleasurable than denying myself a large McDonald's french fries when I'm cranky and tired.

Just my luck! The first time I decide I actually needed to vote for someone on "American Idol", Chris the cool alternative rock guy, my nominee gets booted off. I think the chick should be have been booted off.

My prediction is it will be either be Elliot or Taylor. Elliot has a great voice, but Taylor is like the typical band singer guy you always see in small and dark bars. I think people would love to see a guy like that get a chance to make it big.

At the New Living Exp over the weekend, I bought something called Rejuvenizer in Shimmering Mint.

The Rejuvenizers® – Subtle energy protection for today's living.
The Rejuvenizer® line, created by Dr. Phyllis Light, is designed to help protect your physical and subtle bodies from the harmful effects of electromagnetic fields (EMFs) and to help repair subtle damages to those bodies from all such negative energies, as well as from drugs, surgical procedures, and other people's negativity directed at you. The Rejuvenizer website

Two friends had purchased them and said they worked. It was so cool because Dr. Phyllis Light was at the booth when I bought I was there, and she actually touched the Rejuvenizer I bought. The one I purchased was made by an artist who doesn't work for them anymore, so her pieces are rare. Dr. Light told me she was wearing one by the same artist, but here was in a different color.

I feel so naked now without my super receptor. I've been wearing one continously for so long. I want to say 2002, but I don't remember now. I just checked. I started wearing my receptor in December 2002. I'm hoping my Rejuvinezer will help, but just in case I'm going to wear the first receptor I bought.

So I found out why my stupid pleiadian technology necklace doesn't work anymore. I decided I needed to change the stone on my necklace from an amethyst to a garnet, and when I took it to a jeweler at lunch time he said I had somehow crushed the amethyst and the stone was worthless.

I have no idea how I crushed the thing, but I guess I did. It was time to change the stone anyway, but just in case it's not, the jeweler is going to change the prongs so I can change the jewel myself. I am buying a 4.5 mm amethyst and garnet to see if changing the stone makes a difference, cool huh? The jeweler said it was the same price. I wonder how much a 4.5 mm ruby would cost? I'll have to ask him when I pick it up next week.

The jeweler guy was nice and told me he would change the diamond earrings my grandma gave me into screwbacks so I wouldn't lose them and change me only $110. He was such a nice guy and the only jeweler who does jewelry repairs in the Embarcadero and probably downtown San Francisco I would have taken it to the jeweler in my neighborhood who did some repairs for me last year, but he takes way too long. This Embarcadero jeweler is probably very expensive, but at least he's fast.

And yes, it is going to cost me a very pretty penny to get my prong redone and everything else I'm doing, but it's worth it my alien technology starts working again.

James Redfield and his wife Salle, the guy who wrote the book and the screenplay for "The Celestine Prophecy", was speaking tonight at the expo about the deeper meaning of the book. I was too tired to wait for him because he wasn't speaking till 9 pm, so I came home. I think the tibetan healing treatment wiped me out.

My friend S and I weren't that impressed by the movie right after we saw it, but something in that movie must have disturbed us because that night we both had bad dreams. That movie must have stirred up something in our subconscious which made my friend S sick and have bad dreams, and made me just have bad dreams.

Then last Saturday at a healing group we've both been going to we met a woman, a pediatrician endocrinologist from Children's Hospital in Oakland, who remembered seeing us the premier of the movie on Tuesday. What a small world huh? The woman had attending John of God, some big old healing center in Brazil. Her friend had made an amazing recovery from some debilitating disease from being treated by John of God, so the woman had flown down to Brazil with her friends to check these people out. The lady doctor said she felt them the healer do some spiritual psychic surgery on her, and a few days later awoke and felt them taking her sutures out. She said she knew what the procedure was, had done and had it done to her, so she knew what it felt like. It blew her medically trained mind.

I think she has a difficult job because she told us she treats children with diabetes. I can't imagine being a young child and having diabetes. What an awful disease to have as a young child. And I think if you have diabetes disease as a young child, it's not curable like adult onset diabetes. At least the technology is better these days for checking your blood sugar than it was a few years agol.

Wow, it's been awhile since I've posted. Things just go so crazy! My stupid throat thing hung on forever and I only managed to get rid of because I had a visit with my kineseologist last Saturday, and he found a ton of bacteria in my lungs which he cleaned out. He checked for viruses as well, but thankfully he didn't find any. My throat thing was gone the next day which was so amazing!

Everyone told me the throat thing would last at least three weeks, but mine lasted about 11 days, thanks to my acupuncture chinese herbs and my kineseologist and all without heavy duty drugs except for some drug store meds for sinus inflammation. At least I didn't have to go to the doctor and it didn't turn into strep throat. There's been a rash of people getting strep throat at the office.

Around a couple of weeks ago, the Saturday before Easter, I had some filling replaced and my intuition about my health was right on as usual. My dentist found out that the two silver fillings I wanted replaced were cracked and the teeth underneath were getting decayed. He said they both look liked there were on the verge of collapsing in my mouth so it was a good thing I had them replaced. I think taking those two mercury fillings out contributed to my run down health these last two wees, what with the mercury flooding my system.

My kineseologist told me to come and see him after my dental appointment so he could take the mercury out of my system. He thinks I should see a great improvement in my health now that my merucy leaking fillings are gone.

Still I spent this week recovering since I think my body was recovering from being invaded by nasty throat germs and mercury running through my system.

It's another busy weekened for me because I've been at the New Living Expo. It's fun to see what's out there in the new age world. There weren't very many new things to see as there were last year, except for lots of Tibetan booths. I had a Tibetan healing today, and the healer told me I was bloated on my right side andI needed to do some serious cleansing because my plumbing was all backed up. I bought some blood purification tea which tastes divine and hopefully will help.

On Friday and I went with a friend of mine and she boughts some crystals from Brazil and bought for me a Himalayan Salt Crystal lamp as a belated birthday present. I've been wanting to get one for awhile now but just hadn't gotten around to purchasing one. The Himilayan Salt Crystal lamp is supposed to give off negative ions, which means if you had one in the room it would be like you were sleeping on beach as the ocean waves give off lots of negative ions. She got a good deal at the booth because she bought two lamps, one for herself and one for me, and booth people gave us free himilayan salt crystal tea light. The tea light is a smaller version of the lamp salt crystal, with a hole to put a tea light in it.

I ran into so many people that I knew at the Expo on Friday. I had no idea I knew so many people in the new age community, but I guess I do.

I bought tickets for my friend S (from work) and I to go and see the San Francisco premier of "The Celestine Prophecy" movie. James Redfield and his wife Salle are going to be at the movie theatre and I am dying to see what they're like in person.

I love the whole "Celestine Prophecy" book series and own all the books. It's so weird because my friend S went to see the literary agent Peter Miller at a Learning Annex seminar yesterday, and found out that Peter had helped to produce the movie. Peter said that he wanted Redfield to make the script more understandable to an audience who had never read the original book, but redoubled declined. I am interested to see the movie because I read the book in 1995 and haven't read it since.

A girl in a growth and development seminar gave me her copy of the book and then moved to Monterey to go to law school. We lost touch with each other so I never gave the book back. The woman who gave me the book decided in that seminar she wanted to be a child rights advocate lawyer, and I believe within three months found a law school in Monterey, applied, got accepted, found a place to live and was able to relocate her job with the same company to the area. Talk about an amazing self transformation!

I couldn't sleep so I decided to rebalance my meager IRA. My gold mutual fund has doubled and my energy mutual fund is about to double, but my poor treasury fund was going nowhere so I cashed out and sold it it on Monday.

Tonight or rather tomorrow I will be buying shares of:

BHP - BHP Billiton Limited, together with its subsidiaries, engages in mining, drilling, and processing mineral resources. It produces iron ore, copper, nickel metal, manganese, diamonds, silver, titanium, aluminium, and uranium. The company also engages in the exploration, production, and development of oil and natural gas in Australia, the United Kingdom, the United States, Algeria, Trinidad and Tobago, and Pakistan. The company also exports metallurgical coal for the steel industry, and energy coal. In addition, it has exploration interests in the United States, Australia, Trinidad and Tobago, Pakistan, Algeria, Brunei Darussalam, South Africa, Canada, and the Philippines. BHP Billiton Limited was founded in 1885 and is headquartered in Melbourne, Australia.

SSRI - Silver Standard Resources, Inc., an exploration stage company, engages in the acquisition and exploration of silver properties in Argentina, Australia, Canada, Chile, Mexico, Peru, and the United States. Its principal mineral properties comprise the Pirquitas Project in the Province of Jujuy, Argentina; and the Pitarrilla Project in Durango State, Mexico. Silver Standard Resources also owns interests in the Bowdens Project in Australia; the Shafter Silver Project in Texas, the United States; and in the San Luis Project in the Ancash Department of Peru. In addition, it holds tertiary mineral property interests in the Diablillos Project in Argentina, the Berenguela Project in Peru, the right to acquire the Veta Colorada Project in Mexico, the Challacollo Project in Chile, a 55% interest in the Maverick Springs Project in northern Nevada, the San Marcial Project in Mexico, the San Agustin Property in Mexico, the Silvertip Property in northern British Columbia, Canada, and the Sunrise Lake Deposit in the Northwest Territories, Canada. Further, the company holds long-term property interests in the Candelaria mine in west central Nevada and the Sulphurets Project in British Columbia, Canada. Silver Standard Resources has strategic alliance with Minco Silver Corporation to pursue silver opportunities in the People’s Republic of China, and an agreement with Esperanza Silver Corporation for the evaluation of mineral prospects in central Peru. The company was incorporated in 1946 as Silver Standard Mines, Limited and changed its name to Silver Standard Mines Limited in 1979. Further, it changed its name to Consolidated Silver Standard Mines Limited in 1984 and to Silver Standard Resources, Inc. in 1990. The company is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

BGO - Bema Gold Corporation engages in the mining and production of gold and silver; and the acquisition, exploration, and development of precious metals properties principally in the Russian Federation, South Africa, and Chile. Its principal assets include a 79% interest in the Julietta Mine, a gold and silver underground mine in Russia; a 100% interest in the Petrex underground and open pit gold mines, South Africa; a 50% interest in the Refugio Mine in Chile, a previously producing open pit, heap leach gold mine; a 24% interest in the Aldebaran property in Chile, which includes the Cerro Casale deposit, an development stage gold-copper deposit in Chile; and a 75% interest in the construction stage Kupol gold and silver project in northeast Russia. The company also has indirect interests in the East Pansky platinum-palladium exploration property in Russia; and the Mill Canyon and related gold exploration properties in Nevada. In addition, it has a 70% interest in a gold property at Monument Bay in Manitoba, Canada; the 100% owned Quebrada gold property in Chile; and the 100% owned Yarnell gold property in Arizona. The company was founded in 1988 and is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

XMSR - XM Satellite Radio Holdings, Inc. operates as a satellite radio service company primarily in the United States. It provides music, news, talk, information, entertainment, and sports programming for reception by vehicle, home, and portable radios, as well as over the Internet to approximately 6 million subscribers. The company provides XM NavTraffic, a satellite traffic data service that provides real-time traffic information; and XM WX satellite weather service that offers graphical data weather service to the marine and aviation markets. XM Satellite Radio Holdings also offers XM Radio for the automobile industry. In addition, it provides online service, including online music purchase and playlist management capability. As of January 31, 2006, XM Satellite Radio operated approximately 160 channels, including 67 commercial-free music channels; 34 news, talk, and entertainment channels; 39 sports channels; 21 instant traffic and weather channels; and 1 emergency alert channel. The company markets its services through various distribution channels, including automotive manufacturers and dealers, national and regional electronics retailers, car audio dealers, and mass retailers and rental car companies. XM Satellite Radio Holdings was founded in 1992 and is headquartered in Washington, District Of Columbia.

I wanted to buy shares of SU or Suncor, but it was selling at around $88. I should have bought some shares last year when it was trading at $40 something. Oh well! Suncor Energy, Inc. operates as an integrated energy company in Canada. It operates through four segments: Oil Sands, Natural Gas, Energy Marketing and Refining, and Refining and Marketing. The Oil Sands segment offers light sweet crude oil/diesel and light sour crude oil/bitumen. The Natural Gas segment explores, develops, produces, and supplies natural gas, natural gas liquids, and crude oil. The Energy Marketing and Refining segment refines, transports, and markets petroleum and petrochemical products, such as gasoline, jet fuel, diesel, heating fuels, heavy fuel oils, and petrochemicals to industrial, commercial, wholesale, and refining customers. The Refining and Marketing segment refines and markets transportation fuels, including gasoline, jet fuel, diesel, and asphalt. The company was formerly known as Suncor, Inc. Suncor Energy was founded in 1953 and is headquartered in Calgary, Canada.

I have 30% invested in energy stocks which I think is fine for now, and about 40% invested in gold, silver and mining stocks, with the other 30% in some new technologies and pharmaceutical stocks.

Depending on how much money I have left after my trades tomorrow. I will probably pick another silver stock, PAAS. Pan American Silver Corp. engages in the exploration, acquisition, development, and operation of silver mines. It has mining operations in Mexico, Peru, Argentina, and Bolivia; and has non producing silver resources in the United States and Argentina. The company owns and operates the Quiruvilca silver mine, the Huaron silver mine, and the Morococha silver mine in Peru; La Colorada Mine, Mexico; and San Vincente, Bolivia. Its development projects include the Alamo Dorado silver project in Mexico and Manantial Espejo in Argentina. The company’s products include silver rich zinc, lead and copper concentrates, and silver/gold ore. The company, formerly known as Pan American Energy Corporation, was incorporated in 1979 and changed its name to Pan American Silver Corp. in 1995. Pan American Silver is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

I will also probably pick up some shares of NG or NovaGold. NovaGold Resources, Inc., through its wholly-owned subsidiaries and joint ventures, engages in the exploration and development of mineral properties in North America. As of November 30, 2005, the company had interests in Donlin Creek gold property, which contained a measured and indicated resource estimated at 14 million ounces of gold, and an additional inferred resource of approximately 14 million ounces of gold in southwestern Alaska; the Galore Creek property that included an indicated resource estimated at approximately 5.9 million ounces of gold, 6.8 billion pounds of copper, and 76 million ounces of silver, as well as an additional inferred resource estimate of 7.8 million ounces of gold, 5.2 billion pounds of copper, and 81 million ounces of silver in northwest British Columbia; the Rock Creek property, which comprised of approximately 100,000 ounces of gold in Nome, Alaska; Ambler project that contained resources of 817,000 ounces of gold, 3.2 billion pounds of copper, 4.2 billion pounds of zinc, and 6.2 million ounces of silver in Alaska; Big Hurrah; and Nome Gold properties in Nome, Alaska. NovaGold Resources also sells sand, gravel, and land. The company was incorporated in 1984 as 1562756 Nova Scotia Limited. It changed its name to NovaCan Mining Resources (l985) Limited in 1985 and to NovaGold Resources, Inc. in 1987. NovaGold Resources is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

I am recoving from a sinus infection. I've had it off and since Tuesday and spent a horrible weekend in bed coughing and hacking. I have that disgusting post nasal drip where hot stuff drips down into my throat (it's bacteria I'm told) and makes me cough till I cry. I went home early from work yesterday because people kept coming into my cube to ask me if I was okay. I think they wanted me to go home because I sounded disgustig and they thought I was flooding the floor with germs.

It's not so bad today, but I'm still hacking a bit.

I am still in mourning over M-Square. My angel reader from Southern California called me at work today and I told her that M-Square and I broke up. She said that although M-Square is my univeral soul partner and was created especially for me 5 billion years ago, he is no longer in the light. She said he left the light 700,000 years ago and because of this, our relationship will always be a struggle so she was not too surprised it was over. M-Square is very spiritual but I'm not sure he really believes in God, JC, a higher power or whatever. He has that "I can do it all myself" attitude, which is a sure sign of an "unbeliever" and does not make for very good relationship or marriage material. Relationships and marriage are hard enough, without a person thinking it's all up to them. I remember her warning me that M-Square needed to reconnect to God for it to ever work for us. I think he has a little, but maybe not enough.

My friend S at work told me last week (she's every intuitive) that M-Square misses me, but that he's very, very messed up. She kept asking me why I wanted to be with such a messed up person because I could so much better than him.

My angel reader told me that I have another universal soul partner out there, who was created 300, 000 years ago especially for me and that I will meet him in the next two years. She said she knew I must be suffering because it's hard to let someone go who's been around you for 4 billion and 300,000 years. No kidding! I had to run off to a meeting and she ended our call by saying "I hope what I've said gives you some peace."

My aunt called yesterday to tell me she will be a volunteer when the Dalai Lama visits San Francisco on Saturday. He is having some kind of private gathering with invited guests, and my aunt by marriage's sister is one the invite list. My aunt told me that the Dalai Lama has agreed to meet with the volunteers for the events, and even though my aunt hasn't the foggiest idea about meditation or tibetan buddhism, she is excited to be meeting him.

She also told me some disturbing news. My other aunt, who lives on Kauai, told her that she has been praying that M-Square and I break up. When I heard the news, I was like "what the fbomb?" Why would my aunt be doing that? I think the woman is just so evil. She knew I was so happy that M-Square and I were together, and I think she was jealous that I was happy because her two own two daughters are still living at home and not likely any time soon to be married. God, the whole thing just creeps me out and made me realize that I really can't trust my family. I was starting to think things were getting better since my grandma died, but the dysfunctional family dynamic is still alive and kicking.

My aunt and my real mother were rivals, and even though my mom has been dead these many years, I think my aunt is still carrying on the rivalry. Like whatever! All of my siblings, except for my one sister are living on their own. And my one sister can't help it because she has a learning disability that was never diagnosed or treated when she was a child, and we all think it was caused because my mother took some medical drug she wasn't supposed when she was pregnant with my sister and the poor kid's brain never fully developed.

Not my cousins. They were totally all born normal in a normal household with a mother and father and two dogs. My uncle was a doctor for crying out loud, yet my cousins still live at home. My cousin the lawyer doesn't need to live at home, and only does it because she's saving to buy a condo. But my other cousin who is older than me still lives at home with my evil aunt. My boy cousin doesn't live at home, but my aunt has to send him rent money every month because he doesn't make enough money to cover his expenses and the guy has to have his own apartment, so he might as well be living at home.

Right now I am so mad at my aunt. I just cannot tell these members of the family anything because they have never wished me well and whenever I hear what they're saying about me, it's never been very good. But my aunt praying that M-Square and I break up has to take the evil cake prize. She is like so catholic too, I don't know how she can sit in her church and not be struck down by god. She knew I was happy, and that I was looking forward to moving down to LA and marrying my M-Square. What a bitch that woman is! She had no good reason to pray for our breakup, other than her own evilness and jealousy!

I heard this song while driving around yesterday in the rain "Doing too Much" by Paula Deanda. I was googling the song and she has an official website where you can hear the song - Paula Deanda.

This is the theme song of my relationship with M-Square. The guys goes "just leave your name and number and I'm going to holler at ya". Yep, that's me.

I'm leaving messages and voicemails Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing to much
Why you tryna diss me When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing to much,
Tell me what's the issue Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing to much
This is turning into Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing to much

I remember a character in a televison show talking about losing his love and he said like "it doesn't matter if you've had a few months or four hundred years together, it's never enough time." I never knew what he meant until now.

It doesn't matter that M-Square and I only had a few months together. A few months or thirty years, at the end I think I would be thinking the same thoughts I am now - "that we didn't have enough time."