I saw my friend Marilyn tonight. I haven't seen her since my friend Amy died. I only got to know Marilyn because of Amy, and now that she's dead, I don't really see or hear about Marilyn and her husband very much.

I decided tonight that sometimes I'm so resistant to my life, that my soul partner could probably be sitting right next to me and I'd never know it. Like what if he's not like what you pictured. Amy used to have such a big thing about not wanting to get involved with a man who was low on the evolutionary scale. I used to think she was full of it, but what if she was right. I was talking to this guy I used to have a serious crush on. It's been a long time so I'm over my crush and now we're just friends. Right in the middle of talking to this guy, I realize that this guy is really not smart and not that cultured either. God, that freaked me out because I'd always thought of him as this sophisticated and cultured guy and now I found out that he only seems that way to impress people. It was so shocking. I felt physicall revulsed. The guy likes the symphony because he thought it was a good way to meet a network of people. He didn't like it because he wanted to listen to great classical music plaid live, but for this totally opportunitistic reason.

I can't imagine liking something like art for any other reason than you liked the art. The same thing goes for music, theatre and the opera. It's shocking to think that peope would like this stuff because it's the the thing to do, or to meet people or be snobby or some shit reason like that.

I think it's so unevolved to like a creative thing for any other reason other than the love of the creative thing. But who am I to know what's evolved and what's not evolved? I guess I was just so shocked by this man's admission. You never know about people until you really start to interview them about issues. God, then you find out and you spend the rest of the conversation wishing they hadn't told you their true opinions.