I wonder if writing as a profession will be like my job now, where I spend two days working on one thing, trying to solve one problem, only to find out the problem is unsolvable because I basically wrote the program wrong in the first place and I delivered wrong information to the customer. Only a part of the information is wrong, but it's an important piece of information. I did a check to see how much I was off and it turns out I was off by 5%. That's alot though and probably unacceptable in any other industry except the one I'm in now.

God, I hate making mistakes. I try to be so careful but I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote up this analysis. It sucks too because now the customer wants to see more detail and I can't give out detail without letting them know the original number we submitted was wrong. I told my boss about it and he acted like it was nothing, but I knew he was pissed. I know he's like thinking, I really need to check that girl. I told him I could give the customer the names they wanted but not give them the detail, after all, they didn't ask for it. He agreed so I sent the information off tonight. It's bad customer service, but for me I guess it's I'd better save my ass first customer service.

I've really got to be more careful. I'm lucky to even have a job and my own office to boot. So many people I know are unemployed right now and having a hard time trying to find a job. I'm not exactly thrilled by my job, but I stay put because the job market is so bad right now.

I decided today that I just need to finish my screenplay and be done with it. I have so many other stories to write. I was thinking about the feedback I received in class about my story. I was going to make some changes based on the feedback I heard, but I decided not to. It's my story. I like that my characters are inconsistent. I like how my characters act one way with one person and act a completely different way with someone else. That is real life. I've seen it at work and I've seen it in my own family.

I've seen guys at work act like total dicks in meetings and then call their wives and talk and act all lovey dovey or cower and simper when their wives are reading them the riot act. I'm like, close your door for god's sake, or call your wife where nobody can hear you, because you sound like a total wussy on the phone. I've seen my own brother who's a jerk and half treat people like shit, but totally act like some little boy when my dad scolded him. I've seen my uncle do that too with his dad and he's 50 something and it was kind of sad, to see him talk to like some little boy to his dad.

I want to see that in a movie. I don't care if it's consistent, it's real life. The people in my screenwriting class said that my characters should act consistently throughout the movie. And I was agreeing with them. But today, I'm like, NO WAY! Who the hell acts consistent? No one. I know I don't. If people in class think they act consistently all the time, they're dreaming. And don't tell me that when they're with their parents, they aren't reduced to grade school children. Well I guess if they're not from a dysfunctional family, that maybe they're mature, but not my characters.

The people in my screenplay are like totally dysfunctional, like with a Capital D. Oh well. I don't care. I'm going to write it the way I see life. It's my world, it's my point of view, it's my damned story. Then I'm going to register the damned thing and be done with it. There are other stories that need telling besides this one.

I guess I should be glad because at least I have other stories in other formats to tell. For some people, this might be the only story they have to tell. I think I have at least two more screenplays in my head besides the one I'm writing now. And at least a couple dozen stories to write in either short story, novella or novel format. Then there's that play of mine that I started in 1998 and only just got the ending to a few weeks ago. I know I should finally finish the play and get that over and done with too. God, then there's that novel of mine.

The my love and S&M novel and my screenplay about first love are my story ideas from 1998. Crazy Eddie and the baseball screenplay are story ideas from 1999. I haven't even gotten to the other story ideas from the rest of 1999, not to mention 2000, 2001 and 2002. God, my production is so slow. I think I could be writing 8 hours a day, five days a week, at least until age 65 and still not run out of story ideas. And I think this is a good thing, right?