I'm a scene away from plot point two in my script. God, I've been dreading writing this all weekend. Talk about fear of the unknown. This is the scene where my character has the big blow out with his dad and has to get through years of anger and make peace with him before I kill the father character off the next day. God, this is the conversation I wish I had in 1992 with my dad and I don't know how to write because I never had it.

I'm afraid it will turn into one big emotional crapshoot with me as the victim. This is the part of art that scares me, when you have to lay your soul bare and out there for others to see. It's what stopped me from acting. I just couldn't get to the point where I could reveal myself on stage like that. I got past this point in my collage artwork but it took alot out of me to do that. I don't know if I can do this in my writing. I know I've done it before, but each time I've had to face this point, I freak.

I keep telling myself it's not too bad and that once you're through it, your through it. And that it's not even me speaking, it's some baseball player character guy I made up, so it's not even my story, it's really his story.

I feel like that character in Shakespeare in Love, who keeps saying "it all works out, it always does, not quite sure how, but it always works out."

I added two extra scenes and I was upset because I over my scene limit, but then I remembered and I had made four scenes out of two when they could really be condensed into two. Actually, there could two more scenes that I could combine into two, but I think I'll wait unitl I really need to do it. I was so paniced, but it all worked out. It always does. Never mind that my script is turning into a bad lifetime movie of the week and that my screenwriting classmates will just hate the shit out of it. This is the hardest project I've ever done in my life. It's so close to home, too close.

Well, I guess the only to the other side is through it, I guess. I normally would say to go around it, but in writing, you have to go through it, you can't go around. At least, I haven't found a way to do that yet. Maybe someday.

Meanwhile that Vertical Horizon song keeps playing on my computer to give me inspiration to write this emotional plot point two. It's fiction though, I have to remember it's fiction and I can lie as much as I want. It's fiction.