Screenwriting class wasn' t that bad today. We read 10 pages of my story out loud and there some good compliments form people, who said my story was starting to gel, that the father/son conflict was still strong, that I was building tension into the scenes. Even the criticisms were what I already thought, my scenes are way to talky and way too long. Julie gave me a good hint on how to add more action to the scene. She also said my dialogue was too speechy, but I remember getting this criticism before with my half finished play, so I know I start out writing speechy and can hone later in a second draft.

Someone in class finished their screeplay in the second week and we had to take it home and read it. I gave the guy 3.5 pages of notes. I hope he doesn't freak out. I guess shouldn't have taken that class on how to be a film critic at UC San Diego, but I did want to be a film critic at that time. I'm like reading this guy's script and I'm already itching to write the preview monologue and I've got the montage of scenes all laid out. But then I told him, and other people agreed, that his script would be rated R for all the nudity scenes.

I'm so exhausted and desperately need to go to bed. I thinik I need to do more character work for the people in my script. I think I also want to read more scripts just to see how other writers have done it. I'm also dying to start rewriting, but I've decided that the best thing for me is write that top notch shittty first draft first. I've edited my pieces before and although the grammar thing is hard for me, I've done really well on edits. I wonder if I'm like one of those people who has to do a gazillion edits. With my luck probably. But I'm not afraid of the rewriting process as I used to be. I know I can tell a good story and I also know that my writiing needs major reworking and editing. I guess I should just feel glad that the words and the stories always come. It doesn't take me long to dip into that well that all writers keep talking about. In fact, most of the time, my stupid well is gushing an overflowing and haunting my thoughts and my dreams.

Speaking of haunting, I am being haunted by my fist love. I saw a Maryland license plate today and HE lives in Maryland. I keep thinking I need to get in touch with him, but honestly I can't deal with a stressful reunion in my life now and not ever. I want the past to stay where it is, in the past. This is such a change for me since I've fantasized over and over and then some about meeting him again. But now I'm like, get out of my life, get out of my thoughts, stay in the past where you belong and stop frickin' haunting me. I want to keep thinking of you as a beautiful 18 year old boy and I don't want the present to destroy that image. Maybe I'm just cranky because I'm so tired. Maybe I'm just getting older and growing up. Maybe I'm just afraid of what meeting my first love will mean to my current life. I don't want change right now. I want things to stay the same. I'm at a point in my life where I'm happy and I'm writing more and I just don't want that to change. It's selfish I know, but I don't care. I am being consumed by writing and I think it's a good thing.