Is the universe standing in the way of my move? I'm supposed to half move this weekend, and there's this huge storm due in tomorrow night. The cable TV person is coming on Saturday to set up my cable at my new apartment, and turning off the cable in my old apartment. The phone guy is set to be at the new place on Monday to hook up the phone, and turn off the old phone. But the movers aren't coming till next Friday.
I should have moved this Friday, but the office is closing on Friday and it felt weird not be here to say goodbye to everyone. Starting Monday I'm officially supposed to start working from home, except I took Monday off because the phone guy is coming over.
I wanted to spend Friday night sleeping in my new place, and move over what I need for the week before the movers arrive on Friday. What a drag though to move your stuff in the rain. I need to move as much as I can over the weekend, because my only free nights next week are Tuesday and Thursday.
How did I do all of this in the past? I don't think I had as much stuff as I do now. My stuff all has to be in boxes for the movers, and getting everything into a box is so hard. There is just so much stuff. I've made two trips to Uhaul to buy boxes, and I still don't have enough. I was even able to obtain four boxes from work yesterday, but I still need more boxes.
I'm moving my clothes in suitcases, and just putting the clothes on hangers into a garbage bag and taking them over to the new place. But there's only so much you can do each night after work. I wish I could justify hiring people to pack for me, but it's just too expensive. I don't mind paying for movers, but it feels wasteful to have a company pack up my personal stuff. Still if I had the extra cash, I think I'd do it because I'm getting so sick of moving.
My worst nightmare is I'll need something that I've packed away in a box, and I won't remember which box I put it in. Then I'll be tempted to open up each box to find what I need.
This is why moving is so stressful and traumatic. There's just too much to do and there doesn't seem to be enough time to do it all in. And it's even worse when the weather doesn't cooperate.
Wednesday, April 30, 2003
I am bad. I get hooked on TV shows when I should be packing up my apartment and getting ready for my move.
I started watching "Manor House", and now I can't help it. I have to see it all the way to the end. The last episode is tonight, thank goodness.
My favorite character is Kenny the cute young hall boy. The boy says the funniest things. He's got a thing going with the scullery maid, and here's what he said about her.
"She's a stunner, a real fetching (sounded like catching) bird." At first I thought he said "catching bird", and I'm like driving to work thinking "what the heck is a catching bird". Now I think he really said "fetching bird", and that makes more sense. "Bird" is cockney for girl.
I like the kitchen maid as well, although I can't rememer her name. She said if she was alive during Edwardian times, she would have chosen to be prostitute because at least she'd be on her back all the time and her feet and body wouldn't hurt.
I started watching "Manor House", and now I can't help it. I have to see it all the way to the end. The last episode is tonight, thank goodness.
My favorite character is Kenny the cute young hall boy. The boy says the funniest things. He's got a thing going with the scullery maid, and here's what he said about her.
"She's a stunner, a real fetching (sounded like catching) bird." At first I thought he said "catching bird", and I'm like driving to work thinking "what the heck is a catching bird". Now I think he really said "fetching bird", and that makes more sense. "Bird" is cockney for girl.
I like the kitchen maid as well, although I can't rememer her name. She said if she was alive during Edwardian times, she would have chosen to be prostitute because at least she'd be on her back all the time and her feet and body wouldn't hurt.
Tuesday, April 29, 2003
I'm watching American Idol again. Man oh man, I love Simon Cowell. He is so witty, honest and cute! He's the only really honest judge on the whole panel.
I think I want Ruben to win. He's got the best voice, but I don't honestly don't know if he's pop star material. I liked the marine guy Josh, but he was tense tonight and his voice just wasn't up to par. I think Clay and Kimberly have great voices, but Ruben totally outshines them.
Neil Sedaka has written so many hits, it's amazing. He also seems to be such a nice person, and that was unexpected after all his success and fame.
I'm not a voter though, I'm just a watcher. I don't know, I just can't bring myself to vote.
I think I want Ruben to win. He's got the best voice, but I don't honestly don't know if he's pop star material. I liked the marine guy Josh, but he was tense tonight and his voice just wasn't up to par. I think Clay and Kimberly have great voices, but Ruben totally outshines them.
Neil Sedaka has written so many hits, it's amazing. He also seems to be such a nice person, and that was unexpected after all his success and fame.
I'm not a voter though, I'm just a watcher. I don't know, I just can't bring myself to vote.
Monday, April 28, 2003
My church is offering a seminar next Sunday entitled, "The Moral Education of Children". I wasn't even thinking of attending but I do someday want to write children's books and I guess I should see what this seminar is about.
The seminar will be taught by Professor Steve Johnson, director of education programs at Santa Clara University's Markkula Center for Applied Ethics. He comes to my church services on Sundays and Wednesdays, and I always see him, although he' s not a member. I hear he's still trying to decide on whether to join my church, so it's interesting to see that he will be leading a seminar. I am very curious to see what he has to say.
The seminar will be taught by Professor Steve Johnson, director of education programs at Santa Clara University's Markkula Center for Applied Ethics. He comes to my church services on Sundays and Wednesdays, and I always see him, although he' s not a member. I hear he's still trying to decide on whether to join my church, so it's interesting to see that he will be leading a seminar. I am very curious to see what he has to say.
I've been thinking about the guys I've been in love with since 1999, and they've all been strawberry blondie boys with brown eyes. I'm a on red-headed boy kick. Steve was strawberrry blondie with brown eyes, Brian was brown/red-headed boy with hazel green eyes, and now I have a crush on some guy from church, and guess what, he'sa strawberry blondie boy with brown eyes.
The only exception was Chris, the screenwriting cutie, but he possessed my other favorite look for guys, dark hair and blue eyes. I'm a sucker for that look.
What is going on? Strawberry blondie boys? What's up with that?
The only exception was Chris, the screenwriting cutie, but he possessed my other favorite look for guys, dark hair and blue eyes. I'm a sucker for that look.
What is going on? Strawberry blondie boys? What's up with that?
Saturday, April 26, 2003
Citizen Kane is on TV. I saw Citizen Kane on my first date with the ex-hubbie. They say during a mercury retrograde that your past comes back to haunt you. I haven't seen Citizen Kane since that first time with my ex.
We both loved the movie, and spent the whole night talking about it afterwards. I don't remember what we said but we were definitely falling in love at the time. What a trip!
We both loved the movie, and spent the whole night talking about it afterwards. I don't remember what we said but we were definitely falling in love at the time. What a trip!
My dentist removed the part of my tooth that was starting to separate from the cavity. He recommended I try and get the dental surgery right away, so he can put a crown on the tooth. He took xrays of the tooth, and the tooth is cavity free but my filling was just old and deteriorating.
He said if it didn't hurt too badly when I ate food, he wouldn't have to rebuild the tooth before the dental surgery. He knows my insurance only covers a certain amount of dental work per year, and he wants to make sure that I have enough insurance to cover the dental surgery and the crown.
My pre-tax medical flexible spending account will cover most of the crown, but not all. I put away $1,500 for the year, but I've been using it to pay for other expenses. My new glasses costs me $400, I bought $100 worth of contacts, I expensed all my medical doctor visits, the consultation visit to the dental surgeon, and all my chiropractic visits as well. The money went so quickly.
My dental insurance will only pay for 80% of the dental surgery, so the balance will paid with flex spending money. By then, I'll only have enought left to cover about 70% or less of the crown.
I wish I could put off getting the crown till next year, but with part of my tooth gone and some gum area exposed, I can't. My dentist is very good about the dental insurance thing. He said something about charging today's visit to last year, so I don't use up my dental insurance money for this year. I'm not sure how he's going to do that, but he said he could. He then said he was only doing it because I was long term patient. My dentist is so nice. I'm really grateful to him for doing that.
My dentist asked me if I lost weight, and I told him yes. He said I looked really good. He was happy with me and not his usual cranky self today, because he said I was taking better care of my teeth. He requested that I buy an hour glass egg timer, and brush my teeth until the timer was done. The timer goes for about three minutes, and I've been doing it because he was scolding me during my last visit about the state of my teeth.
He says it's really made a difference in my teeth and gum care, that I now brush longer. So if your having peridontal problems, buy a three minute egg timer and brush your teeth for that long. It seems to really help.
He said if it didn't hurt too badly when I ate food, he wouldn't have to rebuild the tooth before the dental surgery. He knows my insurance only covers a certain amount of dental work per year, and he wants to make sure that I have enough insurance to cover the dental surgery and the crown.
My pre-tax medical flexible spending account will cover most of the crown, but not all. I put away $1,500 for the year, but I've been using it to pay for other expenses. My new glasses costs me $400, I bought $100 worth of contacts, I expensed all my medical doctor visits, the consultation visit to the dental surgeon, and all my chiropractic visits as well. The money went so quickly.
My dental insurance will only pay for 80% of the dental surgery, so the balance will paid with flex spending money. By then, I'll only have enought left to cover about 70% or less of the crown.
I wish I could put off getting the crown till next year, but with part of my tooth gone and some gum area exposed, I can't. My dentist is very good about the dental insurance thing. He said something about charging today's visit to last year, so I don't use up my dental insurance money for this year. I'm not sure how he's going to do that, but he said he could. He then said he was only doing it because I was long term patient. My dentist is so nice. I'm really grateful to him for doing that.
My dentist asked me if I lost weight, and I told him yes. He said I looked really good. He was happy with me and not his usual cranky self today, because he said I was taking better care of my teeth. He requested that I buy an hour glass egg timer, and brush my teeth until the timer was done. The timer goes for about three minutes, and I've been doing it because he was scolding me during my last visit about the state of my teeth.
He says it's really made a difference in my teeth and gum care, that I now brush longer. So if your having peridontal problems, buy a three minute egg timer and brush your teeth for that long. It seems to really help.
SARS gossip on Muni. I took the bus to Union Square, and heard this chinese woman coughing. The couple in back of her jokingly said "I hope you don't have SARS". Then the woman said that her mother was in the hotel in China on the 9th floor when the breakout happened, but said her mother was fine.
How scary is that? I was sitting only two seats away from that woman thinking, her mother might have brought back SARS and gave it to her daughter without even knowing it. Every time somebody coughs and tells me they have a cold, I also jokingly say "I hope you don't have SARS", but perhaps it's not a laughing matter anymore.
It was fun bopping around Union Square, and sitting in every couch I could find. Sofas are so expensive. I did find a couple I like, but they were comparable to the one I liked at Ikea, so I'll probably end up getting my sofa there one day.
I tested out the firmest mattres I could find at Macy's, the extra extra firm one, but it still didn't compare to my hard futon. The salesman told me that I wouldn't find a mattress as hard as a futon, and I think he's right. I think he was sneering at me because I told him I sleep on a futon. How rude! I love sleeping on a futon, and I rarely have problems, which is like the most common ache in the world.
My chiropractor keeps asking me if I have lower back pain, because he says everyone else does. It makes me wonder what kind of mattress the people with lower back pain sleep on.
The only time I had lower back pain was when I took a yoga class, after not having done yoga in a long time. I took the yoga class, and then went to the gym to do a serious weight lifting session, and it was the combination of using back muscles during yoga that hadn't been used in a long time and the weight lifting that threw my back out.
I didn't even know what was wrong with me at first, having never had a back pain before. I called a friend of mine to tell her what was happening, and she said I threw my back out. I called my doctor, and he said the same thing. He told me to take some aspirin, lie on the floor for awhile and rest. In three days it was gone, and I haven't had any back pain since, and I continued to take yoga class and lift weight afterwards.
How scary is that? I was sitting only two seats away from that woman thinking, her mother might have brought back SARS and gave it to her daughter without even knowing it. Every time somebody coughs and tells me they have a cold, I also jokingly say "I hope you don't have SARS", but perhaps it's not a laughing matter anymore.
It was fun bopping around Union Square, and sitting in every couch I could find. Sofas are so expensive. I did find a couple I like, but they were comparable to the one I liked at Ikea, so I'll probably end up getting my sofa there one day.
I tested out the firmest mattres I could find at Macy's, the extra extra firm one, but it still didn't compare to my hard futon. The salesman told me that I wouldn't find a mattress as hard as a futon, and I think he's right. I think he was sneering at me because I told him I sleep on a futon. How rude! I love sleeping on a futon, and I rarely have problems, which is like the most common ache in the world.
My chiropractor keeps asking me if I have lower back pain, because he says everyone else does. It makes me wonder what kind of mattress the people with lower back pain sleep on.
The only time I had lower back pain was when I took a yoga class, after not having done yoga in a long time. I took the yoga class, and then went to the gym to do a serious weight lifting session, and it was the combination of using back muscles during yoga that hadn't been used in a long time and the weight lifting that threw my back out.
I didn't even know what was wrong with me at first, having never had a back pain before. I called a friend of mine to tell her what was happening, and she said I threw my back out. I called my doctor, and he said the same thing. He told me to take some aspirin, lie on the floor for awhile and rest. In three days it was gone, and I haven't had any back pain since, and I continued to take yoga class and lift weight afterwards.
So my busy Saturday continues. I bought a futon cover for my futon so it won't get too dirty when the movers take it to the new place. The sales guy made a sales pitch for buying my bed at his futon shop. He had a futon which I really liked the feel of, and which looked great sitting on a bed frame since it's shaped like a regular mattress. He also had a cherry wood bed frame that with free delivery, which costs about the same as the one I was thinking of getting at Ikea.
I have slept on a futon for years, and now I'm used to very firm mattresses with no give. I don't know if I could go ever go back to sleeping on a regular mattress. I think the reason I rarely have back problems, unlike most of my friends, is because I sleep on a hard as the ground futon.
I have one of those old fashioned japanese futons, which my friend says is basically like sleeping on a wooden plank. I really like it though, and can't imagine sleeping on anything else.
I wasn't planning on buying a bed until the end of year, but the futon guy is selling the futon bed I tested for 50% off. It's so tempting. I told him I was moving, so he said I could put 20% down, and pay it off in three months. It's tempting, but after the cash outlay for my car accident, the thought of plunking down another $1,000 for the futon and frame in three months is just too much for my finances right now.
It's not like I don't have a bed, because I do, but I was thinking of buying a new bed and frame, just not until the end of year. My intuition tells me to wait. It's a Mercury retrograde, I haven't even gone to check out the regular mattress stores, and I think if the economy keeps tanking the way it is, by the end of year, I'll be able to get the same deal.
Now, I'm off to Union Square to get my hair trimmed, and to see my dentist about my tooth that's about to come apart from my cavity. I'll check out all the stores as well, and look at couches and bathroom accessories.
It's only 12:30 pm and I'm exhausted. I've been running errands since 9 am, and I still need to make a trip to the new place tonight to move some fragile items. By the time the day is over, I'll be ready for bed I think.
I have slept on a futon for years, and now I'm used to very firm mattresses with no give. I don't know if I could go ever go back to sleeping on a regular mattress. I think the reason I rarely have back problems, unlike most of my friends, is because I sleep on a hard as the ground futon.
I have one of those old fashioned japanese futons, which my friend says is basically like sleeping on a wooden plank. I really like it though, and can't imagine sleeping on anything else.
I wasn't planning on buying a bed until the end of year, but the futon guy is selling the futon bed I tested for 50% off. It's so tempting. I told him I was moving, so he said I could put 20% down, and pay it off in three months. It's tempting, but after the cash outlay for my car accident, the thought of plunking down another $1,000 for the futon and frame in three months is just too much for my finances right now.
It's not like I don't have a bed, because I do, but I was thinking of buying a new bed and frame, just not until the end of year. My intuition tells me to wait. It's a Mercury retrograde, I haven't even gone to check out the regular mattress stores, and I think if the economy keeps tanking the way it is, by the end of year, I'll be able to get the same deal.
Now, I'm off to Union Square to get my hair trimmed, and to see my dentist about my tooth that's about to come apart from my cavity. I'll check out all the stores as well, and look at couches and bathroom accessories.
It's only 12:30 pm and I'm exhausted. I've been running errands since 9 am, and I still need to make a trip to the new place tonight to move some fragile items. By the time the day is over, I'll be ready for bed I think.
Friday, April 25, 2003
I picked up my new apartment keys this morning, and I was planning on spending Sunday moving a few things over to the new place after church, but I forgot that I bought tickets to attend a workshop at the New Living Expo.
I love the New Living Expo. It's like a fair for new age living with over 250 exhibitors, over 150 speakers, natural foods dining, expo bookstore, all connecting body, mind and spirit. I especially like visiting all the exhibits. All the alternative cures and vitamin people will be there, the crystal people, healers; it's new age california woo woo galore.
I also forgot that after the Sunday church service, the deacons have an ice cream social, which is always held on the Sunday after Easter. It's a deacon fundraiser, and a way I think to celebrate all the restrictions churchgoers have put on themselves for Lent, like Lent is over so now you can eat and enjoy yourselves. I'll definitely have to attend this event, even though I'm not a big ice cream eater since I'm supposedly allergic to dairy products. Ice cream gives me a runny nose.
Saturday is another busy day. I have to go to the chiropractor for another ultrasound treatment, and then I have to go to the dentist so he can looked at my cracked filling. I was hoping to spend the rest of Saturday relaxing, but with my Sunday now booked, I may move some stuff late Saturday afternoon instead. The electricity won't be turned in the new place until May 1, so if I move anything it has be during the day while there's still light. I'm definitely going over tonight after work, to measure the rooms so I can figure out where my furniture needs to go. I'll probably start moving some of my office stuff to my new place, just to start that process as well.
OY!!! It's already started raining too! Such yucky weather for an April, but I don't mind because it's been a dry year and we definitely need the rain.
I love the New Living Expo. It's like a fair for new age living with over 250 exhibitors, over 150 speakers, natural foods dining, expo bookstore, all connecting body, mind and spirit. I especially like visiting all the exhibits. All the alternative cures and vitamin people will be there, the crystal people, healers; it's new age california woo woo galore.
I also forgot that after the Sunday church service, the deacons have an ice cream social, which is always held on the Sunday after Easter. It's a deacon fundraiser, and a way I think to celebrate all the restrictions churchgoers have put on themselves for Lent, like Lent is over so now you can eat and enjoy yourselves. I'll definitely have to attend this event, even though I'm not a big ice cream eater since I'm supposedly allergic to dairy products. Ice cream gives me a runny nose.
Saturday is another busy day. I have to go to the chiropractor for another ultrasound treatment, and then I have to go to the dentist so he can looked at my cracked filling. I was hoping to spend the rest of Saturday relaxing, but with my Sunday now booked, I may move some stuff late Saturday afternoon instead. The electricity won't be turned in the new place until May 1, so if I move anything it has be during the day while there's still light. I'm definitely going over tonight after work, to measure the rooms so I can figure out where my furniture needs to go. I'll probably start moving some of my office stuff to my new place, just to start that process as well.
OY!!! It's already started raining too! Such yucky weather for an April, but I don't mind because it's been a dry year and we definitely need the rain.
Here's my horoscope for the week talking about how mercury retrogrades are a good time to start "new things".
Weekly Indepth Horoscope
AQUARIUS
April 24-30
© 2003 Linda Rankin
Forecast
Mercury adds another retrograde period to the scenery this week, Aquarius, and brings your intellectual focus into your home. Conversations can suddenly shift to the past, your thoughts can be inundated with nostalgia and important others can show up at your door with tales and stories to tell. Keep your mind open...and be willing to hear someone out.
With plenty of incentive to talk matters over you can reach mutually agreeable understanding around partnerships and important life commitments. While many astrologers advise avoiding important contracts and commitments during a Mercury retrograde I have always used them to initiate new things..."new" things that are built on a thorough understanding of the past. Work with "what was"....it will enhance "what can be."
A strong focus on your home should be met with as little resistance as possible. Refuse to hold a static mindset and don't fall into stubbornness as a line of defense. Stay flexible and eager to explore unusual options. Don't make your mind up until you've seen every side of the picture.
Weekly Indepth Horoscope
AQUARIUS
April 24-30
© 2003 Linda Rankin
Forecast
Mercury adds another retrograde period to the scenery this week, Aquarius, and brings your intellectual focus into your home. Conversations can suddenly shift to the past, your thoughts can be inundated with nostalgia and important others can show up at your door with tales and stories to tell. Keep your mind open...and be willing to hear someone out.
With plenty of incentive to talk matters over you can reach mutually agreeable understanding around partnerships and important life commitments. While many astrologers advise avoiding important contracts and commitments during a Mercury retrograde I have always used them to initiate new things..."new" things that are built on a thorough understanding of the past. Work with "what was"....it will enhance "what can be."
A strong focus on your home should be met with as little resistance as possible. Refuse to hold a static mindset and don't fall into stubbornness as a line of defense. Stay flexible and eager to explore unusual options. Don't make your mind up until you've seen every side of the picture.
I got sucked into watching "Helen of Troy". It was filmed in Malta, which looks like a such a great place to visit.
The show reminded me I've had a hankering to restudy the greek dramas for about three years now. I read them all in college, but that was so long ago that I've forgotten most of them. A screenwriting book I read said that if you want to write a good screenplay, you should first study greek plays.
I'm not taking any classes this summer, so maybe I could do a self study of all the greek plays, all the other greek books I've never read like Herodotus, Cicero, Virgil, Ovid and Plutarch, and review the ones I've read like Homer and Plato.
It will be fun to be immersed in ancient greek literature for the summer. Then maybe I'll be inspired to read a book I've always wanted to read, "Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire".
The show reminded me I've had a hankering to restudy the greek dramas for about three years now. I read them all in college, but that was so long ago that I've forgotten most of them. A screenwriting book I read said that if you want to write a good screenplay, you should first study greek plays.
I'm not taking any classes this summer, so maybe I could do a self study of all the greek plays, all the other greek books I've never read like Herodotus, Cicero, Virgil, Ovid and Plutarch, and review the ones I've read like Homer and Plato.
It will be fun to be immersed in ancient greek literature for the summer. Then maybe I'll be inspired to read a book I've always wanted to read, "Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire".
Thursday, April 24, 2003
I get the keys to my new place tomorrow. I'm excited. It feels like my life is just zipping by with all these changes I'm making in my life.
Most astrologers are saying that a Mercury Retrograde is starting on Saturday April 26, and you're not supposed to sign contracts or move. Mercury retrogrades mess everything up and it's retrogarding till May 20. I did read a site where the astrologer said a mercury retrogrades is also a good time to start new things, and that's what I'll definitely be doing with my move to a new place and starting to work home.
There are so many things involved with moving, that I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. I'm almost done with telling all the people you're supposed to inform about my move, so at least this phase of my move is out of the way. Now I just need to keep going through my stuff and decide what to keep and thrown out. I have so many books!
I'm not only moving my apartment, I'm moving my office stuff to my new apartment. There are so many tasks involved with this move as well.
Then there's the stuff to do with the car accident like getting my car fixed, going to the chiropractor twice a week for ultrasound treatment. And on top of all this, add this to my list of bad things happening to me this year, one of my fillings is cracked.
The tooth was starting to hurt, and I had a feeling there was something wrong with. I told my dentist, and he said it needed to be capped. My dentist was concerned about my gums, so he sent to me a dental surgeon and she recommended lifting the gum line on the tooth before he puts the cap on. I finally received the approvol for the procedure from my dental insurance a couple of weeks ago, but I was going to put off the dental surgery till June. With my tooth starting to separate from my filling, I'm not sure I can wait that long.
OY!!! It's just one more thing to deal with. I see my dentist on Saturday to see what he wants to do. I've already told him I'm moving and too busy for any serious dental work until after May 17. There are way too many things going on with my life right now.
And what's interesting is, I'm finally feeling in the mood to write again. I can't wait to set up my computer and my desk at my new apartment so I can write. I want to finish my screenplay, finish that short story I started rewriting, and begin work again on my two half completed novels. And, I want to be done with it all of it by the end of the year.
Being in the mood to write is kind of exciting, because I haven't been in the mood to write since I started that fantasy novel in November. I've had such a long dry spell, five months, of absolutely no creative writing. It's like the creativity spark just dried up, but I think I was so stressed about my job, my health and my apartment that I couldn't even think about writing.
Maybe that the job is set, my health is better, and I have a new apartment, the stress that I've been under is lifting and my creativity is flowing again. I hope so. I miss writing, but it's hard to write when you're constantly freaking out and worried about your life.
Wow, who knows. Maybe I'll even be relaxed enough to think about having a relationship. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
Most astrologers are saying that a Mercury Retrograde is starting on Saturday April 26, and you're not supposed to sign contracts or move. Mercury retrogrades mess everything up and it's retrogarding till May 20. I did read a site where the astrologer said a mercury retrogrades is also a good time to start new things, and that's what I'll definitely be doing with my move to a new place and starting to work home.
There are so many things involved with moving, that I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. I'm almost done with telling all the people you're supposed to inform about my move, so at least this phase of my move is out of the way. Now I just need to keep going through my stuff and decide what to keep and thrown out. I have so many books!
I'm not only moving my apartment, I'm moving my office stuff to my new apartment. There are so many tasks involved with this move as well.
Then there's the stuff to do with the car accident like getting my car fixed, going to the chiropractor twice a week for ultrasound treatment. And on top of all this, add this to my list of bad things happening to me this year, one of my fillings is cracked.
The tooth was starting to hurt, and I had a feeling there was something wrong with. I told my dentist, and he said it needed to be capped. My dentist was concerned about my gums, so he sent to me a dental surgeon and she recommended lifting the gum line on the tooth before he puts the cap on. I finally received the approvol for the procedure from my dental insurance a couple of weeks ago, but I was going to put off the dental surgery till June. With my tooth starting to separate from my filling, I'm not sure I can wait that long.
OY!!! It's just one more thing to deal with. I see my dentist on Saturday to see what he wants to do. I've already told him I'm moving and too busy for any serious dental work until after May 17. There are way too many things going on with my life right now.
And what's interesting is, I'm finally feeling in the mood to write again. I can't wait to set up my computer and my desk at my new apartment so I can write. I want to finish my screenplay, finish that short story I started rewriting, and begin work again on my two half completed novels. And, I want to be done with it all of it by the end of the year.
Being in the mood to write is kind of exciting, because I haven't been in the mood to write since I started that fantasy novel in November. I've had such a long dry spell, five months, of absolutely no creative writing. It's like the creativity spark just dried up, but I think I was so stressed about my job, my health and my apartment that I couldn't even think about writing.
Maybe that the job is set, my health is better, and I have a new apartment, the stress that I've been under is lifting and my creativity is flowing again. I hope so. I miss writing, but it's hard to write when you're constantly freaking out and worried about your life.
Wow, who knows. Maybe I'll even be relaxed enough to think about having a relationship. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
I miss my car. The rental they gave me is a Mazda four-door protege. It's a decent car, but it's not as luxurious as my little VW Golf. The ride isn't as smooth and the engine isn't as powerful either.
I always thought Mazdas were great cars, but when compared to my car it doesn't compare.
I know my little car Siegfried misses me. I can tell he's scared because he's in the car hospital, and that he misses his mommy. The autobody repair guy told me my car would be ready sometime onFriday. I can't wait. I so miss my little car.
I always thought Mazdas were great cars, but when compared to my car it doesn't compare.
I know my little car Siegfried misses me. I can tell he's scared because he's in the car hospital, and that he misses his mommy. The autobody repair guy told me my car would be ready sometime onFriday. I can't wait. I so miss my little car.
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
So I went to my chiropractor today and I told him about my car accident. He doesn't think I have any serious injuries, but he wants to do a full exam and give some ultrasound treatment. I just have to call my insurance agency to find out if they're going to pay for it.
He adjusted my neck, and my neck pain went away. But when he touched my right shoulder, it was very painful and bruised.
The funny thing is I wanted to quit going to my chiropractor and try another person. My other chiropractor, who is the only person I would drive all to Berkeley to see, told me that he didn't think my San Francisco chiropractor was very good. The SF chiropractor has never been able to release my hips, and I know it can be done because my former chiropractor used to do it. I wish I had kept on with him.
I was going to use the excuse of moving to stop seeing the SF chiropractor, but when I told him he got kind of upset. I chickened out and told him I would keep seeing him, especially now that he's treating me because of the car accident. He said I would only need a few treatments.
I'm such a wimp, but I didn't have the heart to just tell him he's not doing a good job. What could I say? My other chiropractor in Berkeley who has a posh office across from the Claremont Hotel thinks you suck rocks.
I rationalized my behaviour by telling myself that I get what I pay for, and since my SF chiropractor's services is contracted through my HMO I only pay $10. My Berkeley chiropractor costs about 10 times more that, so of course Mitchell is like 10 times better right? My Berkeley guy is also a kinesiologist, and his skill set is very different and more expensive.
I think just to be safe, I'll see my Berkeley chiropractor after I finish the car accident treatment with my SF chiropractor. I have money set aside in a pre-tax flexible spending medical account, and that money pays for dental and medical services not covered by my insurance.
I guess the good news is my body wasn't seriously injured by the car accident, which I kind of knew but was worried about anyway. Everyone I know who has been in a car accident, has had their bodies seriously messed up for life. I have a friend who was in a car accident when she was little, and she swears to me that her body is still messed up because of it. Another friend was in a serious car accident in high school, and he throws out his back constantly.
I guess only time will tell. I was in a playground merry go round accident when I was around 10 years old, and I swear my left hip still hurts to this day. I was playing chase master on the merry go around with friends, while it was spinning. I fell and my left leg got caught underneath it and all I remember is being dragged round and round, and feeling like my left leg was being pulled out of its socket. I think the accident permanently lengthened my left leg and I've had hip pains ever since. I definitely don't need another nagging little pain in my body.
He adjusted my neck, and my neck pain went away. But when he touched my right shoulder, it was very painful and bruised.
The funny thing is I wanted to quit going to my chiropractor and try another person. My other chiropractor, who is the only person I would drive all to Berkeley to see, told me that he didn't think my San Francisco chiropractor was very good. The SF chiropractor has never been able to release my hips, and I know it can be done because my former chiropractor used to do it. I wish I had kept on with him.
I was going to use the excuse of moving to stop seeing the SF chiropractor, but when I told him he got kind of upset. I chickened out and told him I would keep seeing him, especially now that he's treating me because of the car accident. He said I would only need a few treatments.
I'm such a wimp, but I didn't have the heart to just tell him he's not doing a good job. What could I say? My other chiropractor in Berkeley who has a posh office across from the Claremont Hotel thinks you suck rocks.
I rationalized my behaviour by telling myself that I get what I pay for, and since my SF chiropractor's services is contracted through my HMO I only pay $10. My Berkeley chiropractor costs about 10 times more that, so of course Mitchell is like 10 times better right? My Berkeley guy is also a kinesiologist, and his skill set is very different and more expensive.
I think just to be safe, I'll see my Berkeley chiropractor after I finish the car accident treatment with my SF chiropractor. I have money set aside in a pre-tax flexible spending medical account, and that money pays for dental and medical services not covered by my insurance.
I guess the good news is my body wasn't seriously injured by the car accident, which I kind of knew but was worried about anyway. Everyone I know who has been in a car accident, has had their bodies seriously messed up for life. I have a friend who was in a car accident when she was little, and she swears to me that her body is still messed up because of it. Another friend was in a serious car accident in high school, and he throws out his back constantly.
I guess only time will tell. I was in a playground merry go round accident when I was around 10 years old, and I swear my left hip still hurts to this day. I was playing chase master on the merry go around with friends, while it was spinning. I fell and my left leg got caught underneath it and all I remember is being dragged round and round, and feeling like my left leg was being pulled out of its socket. I think the accident permanently lengthened my left leg and I've had hip pains ever since. I definitely don't need another nagging little pain in my body.
Here's a strange coincidence. I called my HMO to change my address, and when the operator asked me for my birthday she said that she and I share the same birthday, which is January 24.
That's unusual isn't it? Is this a sign of something? How weird is that to talk to a total stranger and to find out you share the same birthday. TRIPPY!!!
That's unusual isn't it? Is this a sign of something? How weird is that to talk to a total stranger and to find out you share the same birthday. TRIPPY!!!
Monday, April 21, 2003
The car insurance adjuster and I finally connected, and I decided to go through one of their repair shops instead of my car dealer. The car insurance company guarantees the work for as long as I own the car, and that seemed like a good deal plus there is less paperwork to deal with if I go through one of their authorized repair shops.
I was going to go through my car dealer, but their service is bad and they charge alot for their work, so better to go the no paperwork route.
I picked a place near my office, drove over to the repair shop, and the man was so sweet and nice. There was a silver BMW in the shop in for repair for being hit by a big rig, and somehow that made me feel better, like I wasn't the only one getting dinged by big trucks. The autobody man said he would prepare an estimate, and give me a call tomorrow. He said he would also arrange for my rental car. In short, he told me he would take care of everything, order a new door which should hopefully take a couple of days, and after that he would need 3 or 4 days to fix my car.
I was so happy to hear the autobody repairman say that. I think by the middle of next week, I'll have my car back and fixed. I'm so impressed by his customer service, that if he follows through I will definitely tip him. He even thanked me for choosing his garage. How cool is that.
Of course, my more cynical side is saying he's probably suffering economically like all other businesses, so of course he's happy to have my business, but even so, he treated me very well and I got a good feeling about him and his work ethic. I'll find out for sure when I finally get my car back, but I think it's going to work out.
Of course, I'll be out $500 which is upsetting, but for what happened to me and my car, that's probably a small price to pay. Once again, thank god for car insurance. I looked up my car insurance policy documents, and I'm not covered for All Risks. When my renewal comes up in July, I'l have to ask about what that covers. I so want as much insurance for my car as I can get now, and I don't mind paying for it.
The car insurance adjuster was so nice and easy to work with. He didn't hassle me, and he called back right away. I thought he wouldn't call me till Wednesday, but he called me Monday morning. I will have to write a nice thank you note to him and copy his boss, and if the autobody repair guy does a great job, I'll write a thank you note to him as well and copy my car insurance company so they know he's doing a good job.
My car insurance company, California Triple A, has really been great so far. When my old car got broken into in 1999, they arranged for me to go to a window repair place and my car was fixed by the next afternoon. I was expected to be hassled about my car accident, because of stories people have told me about their car insurance experiences, but so far no hassles and good customer service.
I felt blessed and relieved for once, instead of damned and punished. I needed a good experience after my horrible Good Friday. I keep thinking that if I hadn't skipped Good Friday service, I wouldn't have had the accident. That if I wasn't so not into being part of worship service, I wouldn't be out $500 dollars with my car all damaged.
I should feel grateful that people ask me to be part of the church service. But I'm just so not into it and I don't know why. This is the second time in a month I've turned down being part of a service. My pastor asked me to do Prayers for the People, and I turned him down. I write really good prayers too, but I just wasn't feeling up to to it.
Truthfully, I wasn't into it because I was afraid that I would say the wrong things because of the war. My church was split down the middle on the war, and since I was pro-war, I knew I would pray for the troops and their safett and I knew that would be such a touchy issue among some of the anti-war members of my congregation.
And yes, it has upset me that we didn't pray for the troops at every service like I think we should have. No matter what your feeling was about the war, we should always pray for the safety of our troops. But that didn't happen, and when that didn't happen I knew that the person praying was vehemently anti-war, and couldn't even bring themselves to pray for our soldiers. Like how un-christian is that or what?
Hearing the Prayers of the People by various members was so revealing to me, because it really told you alot about the individual member, maybe a little too much. I think I was embarrassed a little to be so pro-war myself, because I've been a peace dove for all of my life. But 9/11 really profoundly affected my view of the world, and it's something that I think will continue to influence me whether I want it to or not.
I get tears in my eyes when I think about the events of 9/11, I think because I have such good memories of the World Trade Center. I visited there, listened to lunch time concerts during the summer in the plaza at the very bottom, and I even still own clothes that I bought in the shops there. I spent so much in New York City for awhile, and was practically living there three months out of every year.
I even for a time paid my friend a rental fee for a room she had in her house, so I wouldn't have to worry about not having a place to stay whenever I visited New York. That was cool, paying for an apartment in San Francisco and at the same time paying for a space in New York City. My friend needed the money and I needed a place to crash.
What a life I lived back then. I thought nothing of flying to New York City for the weekend to hangout with friends and enjoy the city. New York City has always felt like home to me, from the first time I went there. That's strange coming from a girl who grew up on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, but it's true. I'm not sure if NYC is familiar to me because of all the movies, tv shows and books that have taken place there, but for whatever reason, I've always felt the city was my home.
I had to get used to living in San Francisco, and after all these years it now feels like home, but I instantly felt so at home in New York. I never get lost in New York, and I still get lost here in San Francisco all the time.
I know I need to rethink why I'm so shy with my fellow church members. I know I shouldn't be but I am. I'm even thinking of joining a small bible study group, something I've resisted since I first joined. I tried to join a bible study group when I first joined, but the people just freaked me out. They were so ignorant about other religions, and I think thought anyone who wasn't christian as damned to hell. I'm way too universalist for that.
I've been studying other religions since junior high, and I'm one of those who thinks as long as a person who believes in some form of god, what does it matter what religion it is. However, I don't think my view as far as I can tell is that accepted in any american mainstream denomination church.
I've had such an interesting spiritual journey myself, and have such a hodge podge of beliefs that I feel incapable of judging a person's route to god. Who cares how you get to God, as long as you're interested in wanting to meet him. Radical view for a supposed christian, I know.
I was going to go through my car dealer, but their service is bad and they charge alot for their work, so better to go the no paperwork route.
I picked a place near my office, drove over to the repair shop, and the man was so sweet and nice. There was a silver BMW in the shop in for repair for being hit by a big rig, and somehow that made me feel better, like I wasn't the only one getting dinged by big trucks. The autobody man said he would prepare an estimate, and give me a call tomorrow. He said he would also arrange for my rental car. In short, he told me he would take care of everything, order a new door which should hopefully take a couple of days, and after that he would need 3 or 4 days to fix my car.
I was so happy to hear the autobody repairman say that. I think by the middle of next week, I'll have my car back and fixed. I'm so impressed by his customer service, that if he follows through I will definitely tip him. He even thanked me for choosing his garage. How cool is that.
Of course, my more cynical side is saying he's probably suffering economically like all other businesses, so of course he's happy to have my business, but even so, he treated me very well and I got a good feeling about him and his work ethic. I'll find out for sure when I finally get my car back, but I think it's going to work out.
Of course, I'll be out $500 which is upsetting, but for what happened to me and my car, that's probably a small price to pay. Once again, thank god for car insurance. I looked up my car insurance policy documents, and I'm not covered for All Risks. When my renewal comes up in July, I'l have to ask about what that covers. I so want as much insurance for my car as I can get now, and I don't mind paying for it.
The car insurance adjuster was so nice and easy to work with. He didn't hassle me, and he called back right away. I thought he wouldn't call me till Wednesday, but he called me Monday morning. I will have to write a nice thank you note to him and copy his boss, and if the autobody repair guy does a great job, I'll write a thank you note to him as well and copy my car insurance company so they know he's doing a good job.
My car insurance company, California Triple A, has really been great so far. When my old car got broken into in 1999, they arranged for me to go to a window repair place and my car was fixed by the next afternoon. I was expected to be hassled about my car accident, because of stories people have told me about their car insurance experiences, but so far no hassles and good customer service.
I felt blessed and relieved for once, instead of damned and punished. I needed a good experience after my horrible Good Friday. I keep thinking that if I hadn't skipped Good Friday service, I wouldn't have had the accident. That if I wasn't so not into being part of worship service, I wouldn't be out $500 dollars with my car all damaged.
I should feel grateful that people ask me to be part of the church service. But I'm just so not into it and I don't know why. This is the second time in a month I've turned down being part of a service. My pastor asked me to do Prayers for the People, and I turned him down. I write really good prayers too, but I just wasn't feeling up to to it.
Truthfully, I wasn't into it because I was afraid that I would say the wrong things because of the war. My church was split down the middle on the war, and since I was pro-war, I knew I would pray for the troops and their safett and I knew that would be such a touchy issue among some of the anti-war members of my congregation.
And yes, it has upset me that we didn't pray for the troops at every service like I think we should have. No matter what your feeling was about the war, we should always pray for the safety of our troops. But that didn't happen, and when that didn't happen I knew that the person praying was vehemently anti-war, and couldn't even bring themselves to pray for our soldiers. Like how un-christian is that or what?
Hearing the Prayers of the People by various members was so revealing to me, because it really told you alot about the individual member, maybe a little too much. I think I was embarrassed a little to be so pro-war myself, because I've been a peace dove for all of my life. But 9/11 really profoundly affected my view of the world, and it's something that I think will continue to influence me whether I want it to or not.
I get tears in my eyes when I think about the events of 9/11, I think because I have such good memories of the World Trade Center. I visited there, listened to lunch time concerts during the summer in the plaza at the very bottom, and I even still own clothes that I bought in the shops there. I spent so much in New York City for awhile, and was practically living there three months out of every year.
I even for a time paid my friend a rental fee for a room she had in her house, so I wouldn't have to worry about not having a place to stay whenever I visited New York. That was cool, paying for an apartment in San Francisco and at the same time paying for a space in New York City. My friend needed the money and I needed a place to crash.
What a life I lived back then. I thought nothing of flying to New York City for the weekend to hangout with friends and enjoy the city. New York City has always felt like home to me, from the first time I went there. That's strange coming from a girl who grew up on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, but it's true. I'm not sure if NYC is familiar to me because of all the movies, tv shows and books that have taken place there, but for whatever reason, I've always felt the city was my home.
I had to get used to living in San Francisco, and after all these years it now feels like home, but I instantly felt so at home in New York. I never get lost in New York, and I still get lost here in San Francisco all the time.
I know I need to rethink why I'm so shy with my fellow church members. I know I shouldn't be but I am. I'm even thinking of joining a small bible study group, something I've resisted since I first joined. I tried to join a bible study group when I first joined, but the people just freaked me out. They were so ignorant about other religions, and I think thought anyone who wasn't christian as damned to hell. I'm way too universalist for that.
I've been studying other religions since junior high, and I'm one of those who thinks as long as a person who believes in some form of god, what does it matter what religion it is. However, I don't think my view as far as I can tell is that accepted in any american mainstream denomination church.
I've had such an interesting spiritual journey myself, and have such a hodge podge of beliefs that I feel incapable of judging a person's route to god. Who cares how you get to God, as long as you're interested in wanting to meet him. Radical view for a supposed christian, I know.
So I guess I'm still in shock. I stepped on the scale this morning, and I've lost four pounds since Friday. I must be really be stressed out to lose weight like that. I just don't feel like eating, or when I do eat, I can't eat very much.
At work today, I bought a cup of soup with crackers and I had to force myself to finish it. My stomach is churning so wildly. I haven't felt this uneasy since I ran my first marathon and couldn't stomach the smell of grease or eggs.
I went to the CHP this morning, and it wasn't as dreadful at all. A nice CHP officer helped me to fill out my claim, and the whole process took about 20 minutes. I don't know why I was so worried.
The insurance adjustor has already called me this morning to ask me where I want to get my car fixed, but I was away from my office, and now I'm just waiting for him to call back.
I still feel so uneasy though. Maybe I'm going through some major post traumatic stress disorder or something. I don't know. I usually have such a healthy appetite, but I just can't eat anything right now. My stomach feels so jumpy, and sometimes I still break into tears and I want my mommy.
I'm so used to thinking of myself as an independent person, and now I feel like such a wimpy weakling female. It's an odd feeling. I really want my mommy, and I haven't had this feeling since high school. I hate it. I know if I told my mom she's be her usual brusque self and say something like I should have waited in my car, or why didn't I get the license plate of the truck down.
My mom is like a super practical cold Virgo, and she has really bad bedside manner. I know if I called her, I doubt I'd get much sympathy. It's what mommies are for, but not my mom. If I wanted cash, she'd write a check in a second, but love, sympathy and care, she's the wrong person. My mom just doesn't have a mommy nature, and I don't think she got any training from my grandmother, who she never got along with anyway.
But I want my mommy anyway, and it's a very, very strange feeling.
At work today, I bought a cup of soup with crackers and I had to force myself to finish it. My stomach is churning so wildly. I haven't felt this uneasy since I ran my first marathon and couldn't stomach the smell of grease or eggs.
I went to the CHP this morning, and it wasn't as dreadful at all. A nice CHP officer helped me to fill out my claim, and the whole process took about 20 minutes. I don't know why I was so worried.
The insurance adjustor has already called me this morning to ask me where I want to get my car fixed, but I was away from my office, and now I'm just waiting for him to call back.
I still feel so uneasy though. Maybe I'm going through some major post traumatic stress disorder or something. I don't know. I usually have such a healthy appetite, but I just can't eat anything right now. My stomach feels so jumpy, and sometimes I still break into tears and I want my mommy.
I'm so used to thinking of myself as an independent person, and now I feel like such a wimpy weakling female. It's an odd feeling. I really want my mommy, and I haven't had this feeling since high school. I hate it. I know if I told my mom she's be her usual brusque self and say something like I should have waited in my car, or why didn't I get the license plate of the truck down.
My mom is like a super practical cold Virgo, and she has really bad bedside manner. I know if I called her, I doubt I'd get much sympathy. It's what mommies are for, but not my mom. If I wanted cash, she'd write a check in a second, but love, sympathy and care, she's the wrong person. My mom just doesn't have a mommy nature, and I don't think she got any training from my grandmother, who she never got along with anyway.
But I want my mommy anyway, and it's a very, very strange feeling.
Sunday, April 20, 2003
The member of my church whose son was sent to Iraq attended Easter service today. It was nice to see my fellow church member happy to be sitting with his young 21 year old son. Ever since his son was sent to Iraq, I watched the poor man cry during every service. He was so heart broken. Now today he was all smiles.
What a trippy thing though to see the young man who had been in the war with Iraq, the war I watched every night on CNN, to see him sitting in a pew, knowing he had been fighting in Iraq. He looked very young, and yet very soldierly with his military buzz cut. The person who did the prayers today, had us pray for the the troops and for their protection in Iraq, and to pray for the families of service people.
The Iraq war was fought by our nation's young men and women, as has happened in all our wars. They are not fought by the old or the sick. Wars are fought by the youth of our nation, the best, brightest and certainly the strongest. Perhaps that's what makes war so tragic, that it is fought by people in the full bloom and power of their youth, and that such a loss of someone so young is so wrong.
I'm still tripping out. I kept looking at him thinking, wow, that kid was just over there fighting in Iraq, and now he's here sitting a few pews away from me. His presence made the war seem so real for me. I prayed for him and his fellow soldiers who were still there, and I thanked them inwardly for their service to our country.
What a trippy thing though to see the young man who had been in the war with Iraq, the war I watched every night on CNN, to see him sitting in a pew, knowing he had been fighting in Iraq. He looked very young, and yet very soldierly with his military buzz cut. The person who did the prayers today, had us pray for the the troops and for their protection in Iraq, and to pray for the families of service people.
The Iraq war was fought by our nation's young men and women, as has happened in all our wars. They are not fought by the old or the sick. Wars are fought by the youth of our nation, the best, brightest and certainly the strongest. Perhaps that's what makes war so tragic, that it is fought by people in the full bloom and power of their youth, and that such a loss of someone so young is so wrong.
I'm still tripping out. I kept looking at him thinking, wow, that kid was just over there fighting in Iraq, and now he's here sitting a few pews away from me. His presence made the war seem so real for me. I prayed for him and his fellow soldiers who were still there, and I thanked them inwardly for their service to our country.
It's times like these, I wish I was part of a couple, part of a stable and happy relationship. It's hard to bear the hard times alone. I have a good support group of friends, so it's not like I'm totally alone, but it's not the same as being part of a couple.
The sermon today was how people are like children playing a chase game with their parents or other adults, except as adults we're running from death or fear of death and all the little deaths that come in between. Then the minister said just like children we turn around and charge towards death in the form of addictions or anything that numbs us from the fear of death, but these addicitons and numbers are just like death.
The sermon was apt for me. I was running from a Good Friday service, the service of Christ's death where he dies on the cross and they him in the tomb, and I encountered a near death experience on the Bay Bridge.
Now I'm freaking out again that I didn't die on the Bridge or have a more serious injury. These are the times I wish I had someone who would put their arms around me and tell me over and over again that everything is going to all right. It's been my fantasy and dream to have this kind of person in my life for a long time.
Only one person in my life ever understood I needed this, but we were just friends and he was very unavailable. And even if he were available, it wouldn't have worked because he would have been very hard to live with. Still, I really appreciated that he would always tell me soothingly that everything would be okay. I miss this guy, but he said he couldn't be friends with me without wanting something more, so we parted.
I went through my life since January and I was wrong. Since my bathroom sink got plugged up, I'm on bad incident number 9. But since bad things come in threes, and I've had 3 bad incidents times 3, I think I'm due for a bad incident free next few months.
The sermon today was how people are like children playing a chase game with their parents or other adults, except as adults we're running from death or fear of death and all the little deaths that come in between. Then the minister said just like children we turn around and charge towards death in the form of addictions or anything that numbs us from the fear of death, but these addicitons and numbers are just like death.
The sermon was apt for me. I was running from a Good Friday service, the service of Christ's death where he dies on the cross and they him in the tomb, and I encountered a near death experience on the Bay Bridge.
Now I'm freaking out again that I didn't die on the Bridge or have a more serious injury. These are the times I wish I had someone who would put their arms around me and tell me over and over again that everything is going to all right. It's been my fantasy and dream to have this kind of person in my life for a long time.
Only one person in my life ever understood I needed this, but we were just friends and he was very unavailable. And even if he were available, it wouldn't have worked because he would have been very hard to live with. Still, I really appreciated that he would always tell me soothingly that everything would be okay. I miss this guy, but he said he couldn't be friends with me without wanting something more, so we parted.
I went through my life since January and I was wrong. Since my bathroom sink got plugged up, I'm on bad incident number 9. But since bad things come in threes, and I've had 3 bad incidents times 3, I think I'm due for a bad incident free next few months.
Thanks for all the words of encourage everyone. It's very highly appreciated!
I know I'm pretty lucky that I've gotten to the age I have, and having never been in an accident with another car until now. It's so shocking when it happens. There I was driving along, when I all of a sudden I felt another car hit mine. It felt like just a bump, but my passenger door got scraped and dinged up badly.
I didn't think I was hurt, but now the left side of my neck is hurting and my right arm is a little tingly. I think I have a pinched nerve. It just so happens I have a chiropractor appointment on Monday, so maybe he can fix it. I can still move my arm, it just feels tingly, like I slept on it or something. My health plan offers self referral chiropractic care, so now's the time I guess to use up those visits.
The car accident feels like the way I get half flus. I get the symptoms, but I never get sick. Bad things seem to happen to me, like they do to everyone else, but then when I look back at the incident I think to myself things could have been alot worse.
Okay, but now I have catholic/presybeterian guilt because I skipped Good Friday service to go shopping at Ikea. Someone at church even asked to be part of the service on April 9, but I wasn't into it so I said now. Now I'm thinking if only I'd said yes, I wouldn't have been in my accident. How weird though isn't it? Like maybe I was meant to be on the bridge and to have an accident, but why? What was the point of that?
My friend who met me at Ikea told me it meant to be because now I can't buy the desk at Ikea that I wanted. I wanted this closed workstation at Ikea, but now with having to pay the car deductible, I don't think I want to spend the money. I just hate having to tap my savings, even though I know it's for emergencies like this.
My friend hated the desk anyway, and said it looked like a coffin. Now I'll just buy some cheap desk and hide it away with a screen. I'll save $200 this way, and my friend said I won't have a coffin in my apartment.
I'm one of those types who think that everything that happens in my life happens for a reason, so of course now I'll spend a considerable amount of time trying to figure out why I had to have an accident on the Bay Bridge on Good Friday during rush hour.
I know I'm pretty lucky that I've gotten to the age I have, and having never been in an accident with another car until now. It's so shocking when it happens. There I was driving along, when I all of a sudden I felt another car hit mine. It felt like just a bump, but my passenger door got scraped and dinged up badly.
I didn't think I was hurt, but now the left side of my neck is hurting and my right arm is a little tingly. I think I have a pinched nerve. It just so happens I have a chiropractor appointment on Monday, so maybe he can fix it. I can still move my arm, it just feels tingly, like I slept on it or something. My health plan offers self referral chiropractic care, so now's the time I guess to use up those visits.
The car accident feels like the way I get half flus. I get the symptoms, but I never get sick. Bad things seem to happen to me, like they do to everyone else, but then when I look back at the incident I think to myself things could have been alot worse.
Okay, but now I have catholic/presybeterian guilt because I skipped Good Friday service to go shopping at Ikea. Someone at church even asked to be part of the service on April 9, but I wasn't into it so I said now. Now I'm thinking if only I'd said yes, I wouldn't have been in my accident. How weird though isn't it? Like maybe I was meant to be on the bridge and to have an accident, but why? What was the point of that?
My friend who met me at Ikea told me it meant to be because now I can't buy the desk at Ikea that I wanted. I wanted this closed workstation at Ikea, but now with having to pay the car deductible, I don't think I want to spend the money. I just hate having to tap my savings, even though I know it's for emergencies like this.
My friend hated the desk anyway, and said it looked like a coffin. Now I'll just buy some cheap desk and hide it away with a screen. I'll save $200 this way, and my friend said I won't have a coffin in my apartment.
I'm one of those types who think that everything that happens in my life happens for a reason, so of course now I'll spend a considerable amount of time trying to figure out why I had to have an accident on the Bay Bridge on Good Friday during rush hour.
Saturday, April 19, 2003
I got into a fender bender on the Bay Bridge last night driving to Ikea in Emeryville. It was a frightening experience, and my passenger door on the driver's side got scraped and dinged. I'd go into it it more, but it's a long story and I think I'm still in shock and trauma. This is my first car accident, and I wish someone would put out a manual on what you're supposed to do, because obviously I'm stupid and clueless. Thank god for car insurance.
I have to go down the CHP on Monday because the driver who hit me didn't get off the freeway with me. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? Pull over to the side of the road when you can to exchange insurance company info and names. There was no place to pull over on the bridge, and I was so freaked out that by the time I was looking for a place to pull over, I was already on the 80 split heading towards Berkeley. I pulled over at the nearest exit thinking the driver who hit me would follow me, but he didn't. It was a big semitruck hauling something so maybe he couldn't do it. I called my insurance company and waited for the guy to show up, but he never did.
Then my car insurance company told me to call 911, so I did that. I was so shocked, I didn't even think to write the license plate of the vehicle down before I drove off the bridge. I just thought the guy would follow me off. Now I'm thinking I should have just stayed in my car and waited for the CHP to show up, and cause on hell of a traffic jam on the bridge. I didn't because the truck driver guy, who didn't even get out of his truck to talk to me, waved me off and I automatically assumed he was telling me to drive off the bridge so we could pull over and talk. It was so all so confusing, and it was Friday rush hour traffic.
The 911 operator said I was a victim of a hit and run, since the truck hit me and I have to file a counter report. I wanted to wait for the police to come and talk to me, but she said there were already so many other accidents already that I might have to wait two hours before the police showed up. I was so unnerved I think I started freaking out on the phone, and the 911 operator tried to calm me down and told me that the best thing was to file a claim on Monday.
I went to Ikea, where I was supposed to meet my friend. She came and we ate in the Ikea cafeteria and I told her my story. I was in shock and babbling, and she just listened me me and let me talk. She said she had had a bad day at work, so she could only listen and I was fine with that. I just needed someone to listen to me. She shopped and I whined and babbled on for two hours.
I was so afraid to get back on the freeway, that my friend suggested I come over and have a drink with her to her house. I went to her house, but decided I couldn't even have half a beer if I was going to drive, so I just drank some juice and we talked some more, or rather I whined some more.
I wanted to spend the night at my friend's house because I was so afraid of gettting back on the freeway, but I made myself leave and somehow I drove home, parked my car and went home. As soon as entered my apartment, the tears fell. I just felt so sorry for myself, and so stupid like I did the wrong thing getting myself into an accident.
I think what happened is the truck driver and I were trying to get into the same lane from opposite sides. My car is so small, he probably didn't see mes so he ended up hitting me. I like to think of myself as a very careful driver, but I guess accident happens.
My friends say it could have been worse. My car could have been totalled instead of just dinged and scraped. The truck could have hit and my car could have swerved and smashed into the car in the other lane, or I could have been seriously injured or killed. Instead, I'm just out $500 for the deductible on my car insurance and freaked out. I wonder if my insurance will go up. Probably. I wonder what the CHP will say on Monday. I am in such unfamiliar territory because this is my first accident.
I'm trying to look on the bright side, but it's hard. I have so many expenses from moving, that I didn't need one more. And to make it worse, my bathroom sink blocked up this morning and won't drain, and who knows when that will get fixed.
Bad things come in threes, and I think I'm up to number six since the year started. What a life huh?
I have to go down the CHP on Monday because the driver who hit me didn't get off the freeway with me. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? Pull over to the side of the road when you can to exchange insurance company info and names. There was no place to pull over on the bridge, and I was so freaked out that by the time I was looking for a place to pull over, I was already on the 80 split heading towards Berkeley. I pulled over at the nearest exit thinking the driver who hit me would follow me, but he didn't. It was a big semitruck hauling something so maybe he couldn't do it. I called my insurance company and waited for the guy to show up, but he never did.
Then my car insurance company told me to call 911, so I did that. I was so shocked, I didn't even think to write the license plate of the vehicle down before I drove off the bridge. I just thought the guy would follow me off. Now I'm thinking I should have just stayed in my car and waited for the CHP to show up, and cause on hell of a traffic jam on the bridge. I didn't because the truck driver guy, who didn't even get out of his truck to talk to me, waved me off and I automatically assumed he was telling me to drive off the bridge so we could pull over and talk. It was so all so confusing, and it was Friday rush hour traffic.
The 911 operator said I was a victim of a hit and run, since the truck hit me and I have to file a counter report. I wanted to wait for the police to come and talk to me, but she said there were already so many other accidents already that I might have to wait two hours before the police showed up. I was so unnerved I think I started freaking out on the phone, and the 911 operator tried to calm me down and told me that the best thing was to file a claim on Monday.
I went to Ikea, where I was supposed to meet my friend. She came and we ate in the Ikea cafeteria and I told her my story. I was in shock and babbling, and she just listened me me and let me talk. She said she had had a bad day at work, so she could only listen and I was fine with that. I just needed someone to listen to me. She shopped and I whined and babbled on for two hours.
I was so afraid to get back on the freeway, that my friend suggested I come over and have a drink with her to her house. I went to her house, but decided I couldn't even have half a beer if I was going to drive, so I just drank some juice and we talked some more, or rather I whined some more.
I wanted to spend the night at my friend's house because I was so afraid of gettting back on the freeway, but I made myself leave and somehow I drove home, parked my car and went home. As soon as entered my apartment, the tears fell. I just felt so sorry for myself, and so stupid like I did the wrong thing getting myself into an accident.
I think what happened is the truck driver and I were trying to get into the same lane from opposite sides. My car is so small, he probably didn't see mes so he ended up hitting me. I like to think of myself as a very careful driver, but I guess accident happens.
My friends say it could have been worse. My car could have been totalled instead of just dinged and scraped. The truck could have hit and my car could have swerved and smashed into the car in the other lane, or I could have been seriously injured or killed. Instead, I'm just out $500 for the deductible on my car insurance and freaked out. I wonder if my insurance will go up. Probably. I wonder what the CHP will say on Monday. I am in such unfamiliar territory because this is my first accident.
I'm trying to look on the bright side, but it's hard. I have so many expenses from moving, that I didn't need one more. And to make it worse, my bathroom sink blocked up this morning and won't drain, and who knows when that will get fixed.
Bad things come in threes, and I think I'm up to number six since the year started. What a life huh?
Friday, April 18, 2003
So I had this thing in my head that since I will be working at home, I didn't want my home computer in the same room as my work computer. My home computer would be in my bedroom, because after all I don't need the distraction of TV when I write, and my work computer would be in the corner of my living room.
Now that I'm getting DSL though, it's all become complicated. The easiest thing to do would be to have my home and work computer in the same room, so I could share my DSL modem/router/hub. I could connect my home computer via a USB port to the hub and connect my work computer via ethernet connection to the hub. But I wasn't planning on this configuration.
I wanted to buy one of those computer desks where you can close the door, so at 5 pm at home I could literally close up my office and be at home. I wouldn't have to look at my work stuff or my work computer or even my work phone.
I don't know. I think having two computers side by side just doesn't look that good. How geeky is that?
One alternative is to keep the home computer in the bedroom, and either drill a hole in the wall and run an ethernet cable along the wall and under the rug in the living room to the work computer.
The other alternative is to buy an HPNA adapter, which costs about $50, to plug into the laptop's USB Port and then plug the laptop in the phone line. The home portal device I'm buying from SBC Pacific Bell turns your existing phone jacks into a home based LAN network. The only drawback with this method according to other users, is a loss in a download speed. Like I would even notice, since I've been accessing the Net with my 56K modem for years now.
I have no idea what I'm going to do. The cable under the rug solution is starting to look really attractive, and probably cheaper. All I'd have to do is buy a very long ethernet cable. How much can an ethernet cable cost? I might be able to even take one from work.
I'm very intrigued by the HPNA solution and being able to use an existing phone line as a home LAN idea though, but I'm not in the mood to spend the money to get the HPNA adapter.
It's just one more thing to think about.
A friend called today and wants to go to IKEA tomorrow night. God, I love IKEA but so does everyone else in the SF Bay Area. On the weekends, it's like everyone is there. The parking is horrendous, and it's wall to wall people. IKEA had to build more parking structures to accomodate the hordes of people who shop there. Like who knew people had to buy so much cheap scandanavian furniture. I think I even read once that the IKEA store in Emeryville is one of the best performing stores in the chain. I believe it.
My friend thinks Friday nights are the best night to go, since Ikea won't be so crowded. It's an idea, but then I'd have to drive over the Bay Bridge on a Friday night during the evening commute and I hate doing that. It's not a bad commute if there are no accidents, and I even drove from San Bruno to Vine Street in Berkeley in an hour once starting at 5 pm. But I think that trip time was an exception. There are always accidents during the evening commute.
There's a scene from the movie "Fight Club", one of my favorite scenes from a movie, where Edward Norton's character talks about decorating his apartment. He decorate his apartment with what looks like IKEA furniture, which he said he orderd all through a catalog. That scene makes me laugh everytime.
It's like the time I went to a baby shower at a friend's brother's house. The brother's wife was a Pottery Barn fiend, and the whole place looked like it came out of a Pottery Barn catalog. What looked great in the Pottery Barn catalog, looked sadly stark and unimaginative in someone's home. The house was in a good part of Berkeley as well, which was even more ironic, since I think Pottery Barn to so antithetical to the stereotypical left wing Berkeley life style. Pottery Barn? How consumer nation can you get?
Now IKEA, that's a different story.
Now that I'm getting DSL though, it's all become complicated. The easiest thing to do would be to have my home and work computer in the same room, so I could share my DSL modem/router/hub. I could connect my home computer via a USB port to the hub and connect my work computer via ethernet connection to the hub. But I wasn't planning on this configuration.
I wanted to buy one of those computer desks where you can close the door, so at 5 pm at home I could literally close up my office and be at home. I wouldn't have to look at my work stuff or my work computer or even my work phone.
I don't know. I think having two computers side by side just doesn't look that good. How geeky is that?
One alternative is to keep the home computer in the bedroom, and either drill a hole in the wall and run an ethernet cable along the wall and under the rug in the living room to the work computer.
The other alternative is to buy an HPNA adapter, which costs about $50, to plug into the laptop's USB Port and then plug the laptop in the phone line. The home portal device I'm buying from SBC Pacific Bell turns your existing phone jacks into a home based LAN network. The only drawback with this method according to other users, is a loss in a download speed. Like I would even notice, since I've been accessing the Net with my 56K modem for years now.
I have no idea what I'm going to do. The cable under the rug solution is starting to look really attractive, and probably cheaper. All I'd have to do is buy a very long ethernet cable. How much can an ethernet cable cost? I might be able to even take one from work.
I'm very intrigued by the HPNA solution and being able to use an existing phone line as a home LAN idea though, but I'm not in the mood to spend the money to get the HPNA adapter.
It's just one more thing to think about.
A friend called today and wants to go to IKEA tomorrow night. God, I love IKEA but so does everyone else in the SF Bay Area. On the weekends, it's like everyone is there. The parking is horrendous, and it's wall to wall people. IKEA had to build more parking structures to accomodate the hordes of people who shop there. Like who knew people had to buy so much cheap scandanavian furniture. I think I even read once that the IKEA store in Emeryville is one of the best performing stores in the chain. I believe it.
My friend thinks Friday nights are the best night to go, since Ikea won't be so crowded. It's an idea, but then I'd have to drive over the Bay Bridge on a Friday night during the evening commute and I hate doing that. It's not a bad commute if there are no accidents, and I even drove from San Bruno to Vine Street in Berkeley in an hour once starting at 5 pm. But I think that trip time was an exception. There are always accidents during the evening commute.
There's a scene from the movie "Fight Club", one of my favorite scenes from a movie, where Edward Norton's character talks about decorating his apartment. He decorate his apartment with what looks like IKEA furniture, which he said he orderd all through a catalog. That scene makes me laugh everytime.
It's like the time I went to a baby shower at a friend's brother's house. The brother's wife was a Pottery Barn fiend, and the whole place looked like it came out of a Pottery Barn catalog. What looked great in the Pottery Barn catalog, looked sadly stark and unimaginative in someone's home. The house was in a good part of Berkeley as well, which was even more ironic, since I think Pottery Barn to so antithetical to the stereotypical left wing Berkeley life style. Pottery Barn? How consumer nation can you get?
Now IKEA, that's a different story.
Thursday, April 17, 2003
Who is the Elfman that keeps commenting? Are you really an elf? There are no elves left. They were all imprisoned during the time of Atlantis, and made into slaves. We were a slave people, and when we died we were cursed and could no longer reincarnate (our light body template was destroyed) as elves but only as humans. We lost our 12-strand DNA, and all our powers since humans only have 2-strand DNA.
But in 2002, elfen souls who were banned from heaven for centuries were allowed to move into the light and rest in peace and be with god. If there are any of us left, we are now humans with health problems related to being elfen first. But we remember, we remember our elfen life when we had our own land, our own culture, our own society, before the great wars, before we were betrayed, destroyed, systemically hunted down and killed. Those who survived were enslaved, cursed for centuries, cursed for all time, with no hope until 2002 when a liberator by the grace of the god freed the elfen people, freed them from centuries of not being able to move into the light and be with the one who created us all.
But in 2002, elfen souls who were banned from heaven for centuries were allowed to move into the light and rest in peace and be with god. If there are any of us left, we are now humans with health problems related to being elfen first. But we remember, we remember our elfen life when we had our own land, our own culture, our own society, before the great wars, before we were betrayed, destroyed, systemically hunted down and killed. Those who survived were enslaved, cursed for centuries, cursed for all time, with no hope until 2002 when a liberator by the grace of the god freed the elfen people, freed them from centuries of not being able to move into the light and be with the one who created us all.
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
So I ordered the SBC Yahoo DSL. My local phone company, Pacific Bell is now SBC, so the dsl bill will be part of my phone bill. I also ordered the home portal device. It's a combination dsl modem and router/hub. You can hook up 10 computers to it. Since I'm a new customer, I'm getting a $99 rebate, so it's only costing $60, which is the price someone at the office paid for their router/hub last week.
The order person on the phone said the best thing about the home portal device, is I can get a dsl connection at any phone line and I don't have to worry about physically cabling the other computers to my main computer. Now I'm going to pay Pacific Bell a ton of money to put a phone jack in every room in my new apartment so I can get a dsl connection no matter what room I'm in. Oh boy!
The order person on the phone said the best thing about the home portal device, is I can get a dsl connection at any phone line and I don't have to worry about physically cabling the other computers to my main computer. Now I'm going to pay Pacific Bell a ton of money to put a phone jack in every room in my new apartment so I can get a dsl connection no matter what room I'm in. Oh boy!
This is a strange experience. I have an office with a window on the second floor of a building, and there are trees outside. I heard a thump on the window, and when I looked over I saw a robin bird sitting in the tree. About a minute later, the robin bird flies into my window. I've been in this office for a long time, and robin bird or any bird for that matter has never done that before.
Then, another robin bird came over and sat next to the first robin bird. The first robin bird takes off and flies into my window again. The other robin bird just watches. The first robin bird does this a couple more times, then they both fly off.
What is going on? It's a cold foggy day here, so it's not like this is spring weather. Why would a robin bird try to fly into my window over and over again?
Then, another robin bird came over and sat next to the first robin bird. The first robin bird takes off and flies into my window again. The other robin bird just watches. The first robin bird does this a couple more times, then they both fly off.
What is going on? It's a cold foggy day here, so it's not like this is spring weather. Why would a robin bird try to fly into my window over and over again?
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Been spending the last two hours searching for this totally hot song I heard on the radio this week. It combines an indian man singing with rap music. It's like so cool! Indian music and rap, what a great combo.
The song is called "Beware of the Boys" by Punjabi MC featuring Jay Z. It's just so great! I just downloaded it from Kazaa and I'm listening to it now. I don't have the version they play on the radio, but I still like the song.
From the MTV website, here's the scoop on my favorite new song.
Jay-Z has broken his silence about the U.S.-led coalition's war with Iraq. In the remix of European artist Panjabi MC's overseas hit "Beware of the Boys," Jay mixes his Brooklyn braggadocio with anti-war sentiments.
"We rebellious, we back home/ Screamin' 'Leave Iraq alone,' " Young Hova rhymes over a sample of the theme from the "Knight Rider" TV show. "For all my soldiers in the field/ I will wish you safe return/ But only love kills war/ When will they learn?"
Jay, who is part of the Musicians United to Win Without War coalition along with Russell Simmons, Outkast, Zap Mama, R.E.M. and Sheryl Crow, had been relatively quiet about the war until now.
"It's all good," Panjabi MC said Tuesday from London about Jay's flavoring of the remix. "Originally this track was about something [different]. The track has become more of symbolic vibe of how it's crossed over to the East and West markets."
Translated, Panjabi MC's lyrics, which are sung in Punjabi, are a warning to a 16-year-old girl to be leery of guys who are trying to take her innocence. "Be careful of the boys/ You've only just grown up./ It's not your fault that you've got beautiful eyes/ Once you've realized this, you will become shy/ Look after your youth/ This time won't come again."
Jay and Panjabi were hooked up through their managers after Jay became aware of the track on a recent trip to Switzerland. "He heard the song three or four months ago when this thing started blowing up in Europe," Panjabi MC remembered. "On the radio, in the clubs [and] even on the underground out here, it's been blowing up. He seen the reaction to it and wanted to get involved. He jumped on, basically."
The original and the Jay-Z remix of "Beware of the Boys" will be sold in U.S. stores as a single on April 15. A week prior, Jay-Z will put out The Blueprint 2.1, setting off a bevy of Roc-a-Fella releases that will carry on through the summer (see "Jay-Z Cutting Away The Fat And Releasing Blueprint 2.1").
The song is called "Beware of the Boys" by Punjabi MC featuring Jay Z. It's just so great! I just downloaded it from Kazaa and I'm listening to it now. I don't have the version they play on the radio, but I still like the song.
From the MTV website, here's the scoop on my favorite new song.
Jay-Z has broken his silence about the U.S.-led coalition's war with Iraq. In the remix of European artist Panjabi MC's overseas hit "Beware of the Boys," Jay mixes his Brooklyn braggadocio with anti-war sentiments.
"We rebellious, we back home/ Screamin' 'Leave Iraq alone,' " Young Hova rhymes over a sample of the theme from the "Knight Rider" TV show. "For all my soldiers in the field/ I will wish you safe return/ But only love kills war/ When will they learn?"
Jay, who is part of the Musicians United to Win Without War coalition along with Russell Simmons, Outkast, Zap Mama, R.E.M. and Sheryl Crow, had been relatively quiet about the war until now.
"It's all good," Panjabi MC said Tuesday from London about Jay's flavoring of the remix. "Originally this track was about something [different]. The track has become more of symbolic vibe of how it's crossed over to the East and West markets."
Translated, Panjabi MC's lyrics, which are sung in Punjabi, are a warning to a 16-year-old girl to be leery of guys who are trying to take her innocence. "Be careful of the boys/ You've only just grown up./ It's not your fault that you've got beautiful eyes/ Once you've realized this, you will become shy/ Look after your youth/ This time won't come again."
Jay and Panjabi were hooked up through their managers after Jay became aware of the track on a recent trip to Switzerland. "He heard the song three or four months ago when this thing started blowing up in Europe," Panjabi MC remembered. "On the radio, in the clubs [and] even on the underground out here, it's been blowing up. He seen the reaction to it and wanted to get involved. He jumped on, basically."
The original and the Jay-Z remix of "Beware of the Boys" will be sold in U.S. stores as a single on April 15. A week prior, Jay-Z will put out The Blueprint 2.1, setting off a bevy of Roc-a-Fella releases that will carry on through the summer (see "Jay-Z Cutting Away The Fat And Releasing Blueprint 2.1").
Today I'm shopping for a DSL service.
My current ISP, AT&T offers DSL service and I am tempted to get their service so I don't lose my email addresses. It pays to research though. I was reading through this website called broadbandreports.com, and a user posted a message saying that if subscribe to AT&T DSL you have to switch to AT&T local phone service. I hate this! What freaks! I've never had a problem with my local phone service, and now I'm supposed to switch.
My other option, SBC Yahoo, isn't that great either. If you subscribe to SBC Yahoo DSL, and you have another long distance carrier, you have to switch.
What a royal pain!
AT&T DSL service, I found out, entered into a contract with Covad for DSL service. AOL Broadband has the same contract with Covad. I hate having to go through a third party.
These are my issues:
1) I don't want to switch email addresses again. I just switched in May 2002, and I hate having to swtich email addresses again.
2) My windows ce laptop won't work with SBC Yahoo DSL dial up, so when I travel, I won't be able to get internet access service. If I get around to getting a laptop, this problem is solved, but until then I'm stuck.
3) AT&T just rolled out their Covad contract in January 2003, and from what user groups are saying they are having a ton of problems.
4) From user forums, Covad has a bad reputation for being an unreliable DSL service. SBC Yahoo DSL, which most of my friends have, seems to work fine.
5) Covad as a company, seems on shakey grounds financially. They were almost bankrupt, until they swung these deals with AT&T and AOL. Companies in an iffy financial situation probably have reduced staff, which translates into bad customer service and network upgrades being put off.
Problems, problems, problems.
I really need to have a reliable DSL service, since I'm going to start working at home in May. I can't afford to have any down time. It's so strange that SBC Yahoo dial up service doesn't work with windows CE. I ran across another person commenting on this issue. Supposedly handheld devices are the way of the future, and since many handheld devices run off the windows ce platform, one would think that SBC Yahoo dial up would want a piece of that future pie. I guess not.
What I'll probably end up doing is geting SBC Yahoo DSL, and keeping my AT&T dial up service for when I travel. SBC Yahoo DSL is offering a good one-year deal, so over all I'll end up spending only about $80 more to have both services. In a year, I'll have to revist this issue.
I'm thinking a lot of stuff can happen in a year. Maybe I'll buy a regular laptop, so I won't have the windows ce problem. Or, maybe SBC Yahoo will realize that they need to have their dial up work with windows CE service. A year will have passed, and maybe I won't feel so bad about changing my email address again.
Either way, I can see myself giving my AT&T account, which is too bad. I never had a significant problem and it works fine for a dial up.
Switch to SBC long distance isn't a problem. It's only 5 cents per minute. Besides, I use my wireless phone for all my long distance calls. I get 450 minutes per month on my cell phone, which includes roaming and long distance, so I haven't had long distance charges on my phone bill since I bought my cell phone. Using the cell phone for long distance calls works out well for me, since I pay for my cell phone minutes every month whether I use them or not. I even use my cell phone to call out of my local calling area, which is anything out of the 415 area code.
What a royal pain in the wazo the phone and DSL issue is!
My current ISP, AT&T offers DSL service and I am tempted to get their service so I don't lose my email addresses. It pays to research though. I was reading through this website called broadbandreports.com, and a user posted a message saying that if subscribe to AT&T DSL you have to switch to AT&T local phone service. I hate this! What freaks! I've never had a problem with my local phone service, and now I'm supposed to switch.
My other option, SBC Yahoo, isn't that great either. If you subscribe to SBC Yahoo DSL, and you have another long distance carrier, you have to switch.
What a royal pain!
AT&T DSL service, I found out, entered into a contract with Covad for DSL service. AOL Broadband has the same contract with Covad. I hate having to go through a third party.
These are my issues:
1) I don't want to switch email addresses again. I just switched in May 2002, and I hate having to swtich email addresses again.
2) My windows ce laptop won't work with SBC Yahoo DSL dial up, so when I travel, I won't be able to get internet access service. If I get around to getting a laptop, this problem is solved, but until then I'm stuck.
3) AT&T just rolled out their Covad contract in January 2003, and from what user groups are saying they are having a ton of problems.
4) From user forums, Covad has a bad reputation for being an unreliable DSL service. SBC Yahoo DSL, which most of my friends have, seems to work fine.
5) Covad as a company, seems on shakey grounds financially. They were almost bankrupt, until they swung these deals with AT&T and AOL. Companies in an iffy financial situation probably have reduced staff, which translates into bad customer service and network upgrades being put off.
Problems, problems, problems.
I really need to have a reliable DSL service, since I'm going to start working at home in May. I can't afford to have any down time. It's so strange that SBC Yahoo dial up service doesn't work with windows CE. I ran across another person commenting on this issue. Supposedly handheld devices are the way of the future, and since many handheld devices run off the windows ce platform, one would think that SBC Yahoo dial up would want a piece of that future pie. I guess not.
What I'll probably end up doing is geting SBC Yahoo DSL, and keeping my AT&T dial up service for when I travel. SBC Yahoo DSL is offering a good one-year deal, so over all I'll end up spending only about $80 more to have both services. In a year, I'll have to revist this issue.
I'm thinking a lot of stuff can happen in a year. Maybe I'll buy a regular laptop, so I won't have the windows ce problem. Or, maybe SBC Yahoo will realize that they need to have their dial up work with windows CE service. A year will have passed, and maybe I won't feel so bad about changing my email address again.
Either way, I can see myself giving my AT&T account, which is too bad. I never had a significant problem and it works fine for a dial up.
Switch to SBC long distance isn't a problem. It's only 5 cents per minute. Besides, I use my wireless phone for all my long distance calls. I get 450 minutes per month on my cell phone, which includes roaming and long distance, so I haven't had long distance charges on my phone bill since I bought my cell phone. Using the cell phone for long distance calls works out well for me, since I pay for my cell phone minutes every month whether I use them or not. I even use my cell phone to call out of my local calling area, which is anything out of the 415 area code.
What a royal pain in the wazo the phone and DSL issue is!
Monday, April 14, 2003
From Gordon Zaft, yet another Blog Quiz.
You are Dilbert.
You're hard-working, missunderstood, used and
abused, ... well to be brief : You're an
engineer.
Which Dilbert character are you ?
brought to you by Quizilla
I love Dilbert!!!
You are Dilbert.
You're hard-working, missunderstood, used and
abused, ... well to be brief : You're an
engineer.
Which Dilbert character are you ?
brought to you by Quizilla
I love Dilbert!!!
Some Keanu Reeves movie is on TV. I totally adore Keanu Reeves. He looks like guys I grew up with, he's the ultimate cutie, and he sounds like guys I grew up with too, a combination of valley boy and surfer dude speak, plus he sounds like he could be in the Jetsons cartoon (like oh my god, he's like so tubular, so dealer's high, so heavenly scrummy and sometimes he can even act!)
I can't wait for the Matrix sequel. Bring that Neo boy back!!!
I'd take Keanu Reeves over Tom Cruise, Nicholas Cage, Legolas from LOTR (have to think about this one -he's an elf boy afterall), Matthew McConaughey, Colin Farrell, Russell Crowe (the man can act), The Fiennes Boys (Ralph and Joseph), Ewan McGregor, and perhaps even Mr. Darcy - Colin Firth (maybe not).
I can't wait for the Matrix sequel. Bring that Neo boy back!!!
I'd take Keanu Reeves over Tom Cruise, Nicholas Cage, Legolas from LOTR (have to think about this one -he's an elf boy afterall), Matthew McConaughey, Colin Farrell, Russell Crowe (the man can act), The Fiennes Boys (Ralph and Joseph), Ewan McGregor, and perhaps even Mr. Darcy - Colin Firth (maybe not).
Sunday, April 13, 2003
Boy, do I just love conspiracy theorists. Here's one I found on the coincidence of having SARS break out at the same time we go to war with Iraq, SENDERBERL NOW SEES AND EXPLAINS CHINA’S MOTIVE BEHIND SARS.
I had a fun day today. I went to check out the Cherry Blossom festival in Japantown, and ended up watching 1) taiko drumming 2) japanese court dances 3) a demonstration in Ikebana the art of japanese floral arrangement and 4) a martial arts demonstrations from two dojos.
We had many japanese neighbours on our block, so I grew up with japanese culture. Our next door neighbour always gave up japanese sweets (they're not very sweet) on New Years day, and other japanese holidays. On Boy's Day May 5, they call it Children's Day in Japan now, our japanese neighbours flew carp/koi fish streamers from bamboo poles. I always thought if I had a son, I would celebrate Boy's Day and fly carp/koi fish for him. As a child, I always loved the carp fish flying on May 5.
Girl's Day is March 3, and on that day our japanese neighbor always gave me a handmade japanse doll.
We also had a japanese television station in Hawaii with subtitles, and I sometimes watched the shows. I still remember some of their tv movies I saw growing up, which were mostly about the effects of the nuclear bomb on the families of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. One show that I remember was about how all the children of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were sent into the mountains before the nuclear bomb attack, and came home afterwards to find out they had only one parent or were orphans.
In the movie, one of the children now grown up remembered vividly what her life was like before the bomb attack and how happy and rich it was, and how depressing and impoverished her life was afterwards. Her dad was so shell shocked, he never talked about what happened or her mother's death either. He just worked very hard to take care of the both of them. It was such a sad, sad show.
You don't see shows on American TV, where they dwell so much years later on the effects of war on our country. Maybe with 9/11 they will, but I wonder if they will show it on TV all the time like they used to in Japan.
I'm too young to remember, but I wonder if they has tv shows about what life was like after World War 2 and the Vietnam War in America. But then America was not attacked in those wars.
I love japanese food as well, even more so than chinese food, only because I grew up eating japanese food more than I ate chinese food.
The japanese culture is so full of contradictions. On the hand, much of japanese culture is so refined, ordered and delicate like Ikebana, the tea ceremony, japanese court dances and bonsai. But then there's the wild and tribal stuff, like sumo wrestling, which is so fun to watch, and taiko drumming. On the one hand, you have the big noisy cities like Tokyo, and on the other hand, you have the buddhist temples and giant peaceful buddha statue at Kamakura.
I've never been to Japan, and I'd love to go. Everybody I know that's gone says it's just an amazing place. Perhaps my next vacation will be to Japan. I wonder how much this trip will set me back.
We had many japanese neighbours on our block, so I grew up with japanese culture. Our next door neighbour always gave up japanese sweets (they're not very sweet) on New Years day, and other japanese holidays. On Boy's Day May 5, they call it Children's Day in Japan now, our japanese neighbours flew carp/koi fish streamers from bamboo poles. I always thought if I had a son, I would celebrate Boy's Day and fly carp/koi fish for him. As a child, I always loved the carp fish flying on May 5.
Girl's Day is March 3, and on that day our japanese neighbor always gave me a handmade japanse doll.
We also had a japanese television station in Hawaii with subtitles, and I sometimes watched the shows. I still remember some of their tv movies I saw growing up, which were mostly about the effects of the nuclear bomb on the families of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. One show that I remember was about how all the children of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were sent into the mountains before the nuclear bomb attack, and came home afterwards to find out they had only one parent or were orphans.
In the movie, one of the children now grown up remembered vividly what her life was like before the bomb attack and how happy and rich it was, and how depressing and impoverished her life was afterwards. Her dad was so shell shocked, he never talked about what happened or her mother's death either. He just worked very hard to take care of the both of them. It was such a sad, sad show.
You don't see shows on American TV, where they dwell so much years later on the effects of war on our country. Maybe with 9/11 they will, but I wonder if they will show it on TV all the time like they used to in Japan.
I'm too young to remember, but I wonder if they has tv shows about what life was like after World War 2 and the Vietnam War in America. But then America was not attacked in those wars.
I love japanese food as well, even more so than chinese food, only because I grew up eating japanese food more than I ate chinese food.
The japanese culture is so full of contradictions. On the hand, much of japanese culture is so refined, ordered and delicate like Ikebana, the tea ceremony, japanese court dances and bonsai. But then there's the wild and tribal stuff, like sumo wrestling, which is so fun to watch, and taiko drumming. On the one hand, you have the big noisy cities like Tokyo, and on the other hand, you have the buddhist temples and giant peaceful buddha statue at Kamakura.
I've never been to Japan, and I'd love to go. Everybody I know that's gone says it's just an amazing place. Perhaps my next vacation will be to Japan. I wonder how much this trip will set me back.
Saturday, April 12, 2003
I signed the lease today on my new one bedroom apartment with the ocean viws.
Lions and tigers and bears, OH MY! I'm scared.
Experts say moving is one of life's biggest traumatic events. I've been in my place for almost 8 years. I've been happy here for the most part, except for probably the last two years. Things just became progressively worse over the two years, and then circumstances lined up which made living here intolerable as well as impractical. I probably wouldn't have moved had it not been for the noisy neighbour upstairs and my needing to work at home.
I can see myself at the end of my life musing that the path and journey I took to get to my new apartment was fated to be. I was ready to make the change, but change is hard so life got in the way and forced me.
I know I am moving to a roomier and quieter place. I have parking, which is just unbelievable. Most apartments in SF don't come with parking, or landlords charge you extra for it. My parking was included as part of the rent. I am on the top floor of a two-story, four apartment building, so there are no apartments on either side of me and no need to worry about noisy neighbors except for the person below me. The place is carpeted, but I'm putting my own carpet in anway just to block noises coming from below my apartment.
I met my new neighbour who lives across the hall from me. He seemed a nice older man. He was wearing a puka shell necklace, which he told me he got as a present from a friend in Hawaii. Just seeing the puka shell necklace and hearing Hawaii mentioned made me think maybe this was a good sign that I had found a good place to live. I hope so.
Lions and tigers and bears, OH MY! I'm scared.
Experts say moving is one of life's biggest traumatic events. I've been in my place for almost 8 years. I've been happy here for the most part, except for probably the last two years. Things just became progressively worse over the two years, and then circumstances lined up which made living here intolerable as well as impractical. I probably wouldn't have moved had it not been for the noisy neighbour upstairs and my needing to work at home.
I can see myself at the end of my life musing that the path and journey I took to get to my new apartment was fated to be. I was ready to make the change, but change is hard so life got in the way and forced me.
I know I am moving to a roomier and quieter place. I have parking, which is just unbelievable. Most apartments in SF don't come with parking, or landlords charge you extra for it. My parking was included as part of the rent. I am on the top floor of a two-story, four apartment building, so there are no apartments on either side of me and no need to worry about noisy neighbors except for the person below me. The place is carpeted, but I'm putting my own carpet in anway just to block noises coming from below my apartment.
I met my new neighbour who lives across the hall from me. He seemed a nice older man. He was wearing a puka shell necklace, which he told me he got as a present from a friend in Hawaii. Just seeing the puka shell necklace and hearing Hawaii mentioned made me think maybe this was a good sign that I had found a good place to live. I hope so.
Friday, April 11, 2003
I added a new link under Sites to See. I found The Moonlit Road site a long time ago by chance. Here's what the first page says, "Ghost stories and strange folktales of the American South, told by the region's most celebrated storytellers."
You can either read the stories or listen to them with Real Audio. If you like ghost stories and oral storytelling, you'll love this site. On the site right now is a story called "A Mother's Love" from North Georgia. It's a good story and very eerie!
You can either read the stories or listen to them with Real Audio. If you like ghost stories and oral storytelling, you'll love this site. On the site right now is a story called "A Mother's Love" from North Georgia. It's a good story and very eerie!
It's probably sick jokesters, but still this is so not funny - Envelopes containing a white powder were opened Tuesday at three Alameda County law enforcement agencies, prompting hazardous material teams to respond in each instance.
This is daily devotional from the Upper Room - www. upperroom.org.
KEPT IN LOVE
Quite dramatically it dawns upon you: There is a God. There's more to life than what I have been seeing. There is a God. And God makes a claim on my life.
Perhaps at the very same moment, you get a whole different view of yourself. Scales fall off. It is horrible. "I've been living for me. I've been curved in on myself all these years. ... All the love lost!
And the betrayals -- by neglect as much as anything! The blindness! Woe is me. I'm a mess that can't be fixed. I've got to close all these thoughts up and get out of here." The boat is sinking.
But then, if you are blessed, just as soon as the horror of self-knowledge is embraced, there comes another feeling of presence. A gentle voice which speaks from the depths of the soul, even from the depths of the universe. "It's all right. Do not be afraid. I know who you are. Forgiveness is mine to grant. I'm not here to destroy your life. I'm here to remake it." It feels like death at first, but then there is new life. "See, this coal upon your lips makes them clean. I
remove your sins."
The sudden apprehension of God's reality creates a sudden knowledge of self. And you perceive a horrible gap between yourself and God. But immediately into the breach God pours love and forgiveness. There is an intuition that God knows full well who you are and loves you
anyway. Beneath the crisis of the meaning of life, whatever form it takes, God gives a sense that all is well and you are kept in love. God lifts you out of the sinking boat.
-- Gerrit Scott Dawson
HEARTFELT
Here's what The Upper Room is about:
From its beginning, The Upper Room® magazine has been interdenominational. We seek to build on what draws us together in Christian belief. The intent of the founders of the magazine was that it be non-sectarian and non-doctrinaire, and we work to include many perspectives in what we publish. The magazine was created in response to a call from a Sunday-school-class prayer group in Texas, who asked the church to provide for families a devotional resource to use for home worship each day. It was the time of the Great Depression, and these people felt that prayer and Bible study could help people face the difficult times with faith.
The magazine was begun by the Home Missions Board of the Methodist Episcopal Church South in 1935. This is a predecessor denomination of the United Methodist Church, which still owns the magazine. Though the magazine is owned by the United Methodist Church, it is financially separate from it. We receive no grants or subsidy from the United Methodist Church or from any other denomination. Our income comes completely from sale of our magazines and books.
**************
I always see copies of the magazine at church, and sometime pick it up to read. Many members of my church write meditations for the magazine which have been published. Now I get a daily devotion by email.
The Upper Room website also takes online prayers. I totally believe in the power of prayer, and there's nothing like a group of people praying for you for your hard times to turn around. After I submitted my prayer request, within a couple of days I swear I could feel people praying for me. It's an intense feeling that is just amazing!
KEPT IN LOVE
Quite dramatically it dawns upon you: There is a God. There's more to life than what I have been seeing. There is a God. And God makes a claim on my life.
Perhaps at the very same moment, you get a whole different view of yourself. Scales fall off. It is horrible. "I've been living for me. I've been curved in on myself all these years. ... All the love lost!
And the betrayals -- by neglect as much as anything! The blindness! Woe is me. I'm a mess that can't be fixed. I've got to close all these thoughts up and get out of here." The boat is sinking.
But then, if you are blessed, just as soon as the horror of self-knowledge is embraced, there comes another feeling of presence. A gentle voice which speaks from the depths of the soul, even from the depths of the universe. "It's all right. Do not be afraid. I know who you are. Forgiveness is mine to grant. I'm not here to destroy your life. I'm here to remake it." It feels like death at first, but then there is new life. "See, this coal upon your lips makes them clean. I
remove your sins."
The sudden apprehension of God's reality creates a sudden knowledge of self. And you perceive a horrible gap between yourself and God. But immediately into the breach God pours love and forgiveness. There is an intuition that God knows full well who you are and loves you
anyway. Beneath the crisis of the meaning of life, whatever form it takes, God gives a sense that all is well and you are kept in love. God lifts you out of the sinking boat.
-- Gerrit Scott Dawson
HEARTFELT
Here's what The Upper Room is about:
From its beginning, The Upper Room® magazine has been interdenominational. We seek to build on what draws us together in Christian belief. The intent of the founders of the magazine was that it be non-sectarian and non-doctrinaire, and we work to include many perspectives in what we publish. The magazine was created in response to a call from a Sunday-school-class prayer group in Texas, who asked the church to provide for families a devotional resource to use for home worship each day. It was the time of the Great Depression, and these people felt that prayer and Bible study could help people face the difficult times with faith.
The magazine was begun by the Home Missions Board of the Methodist Episcopal Church South in 1935. This is a predecessor denomination of the United Methodist Church, which still owns the magazine. Though the magazine is owned by the United Methodist Church, it is financially separate from it. We receive no grants or subsidy from the United Methodist Church or from any other denomination. Our income comes completely from sale of our magazines and books.
**************
I always see copies of the magazine at church, and sometime pick it up to read. Many members of my church write meditations for the magazine which have been published. Now I get a daily devotion by email.
The Upper Room website also takes online prayers. I totally believe in the power of prayer, and there's nothing like a group of people praying for you for your hard times to turn around. After I submitted my prayer request, within a couple of days I swear I could feel people praying for me. It's an intense feeling that is just amazing!
I found this in my email. It's very funny. From MIT, Triolet Challenge.
In the continual effort of MIT to promote artistic abilities, students in Steve Ward's sections were invited to submit, as a weekly writing assignment, a triolet (in lieu of the 1-page writeup). The triolet did not have to address the specific question of the assignment directly, but had to relate (at least marginally) to the topic.
Poetry about computers ... something about this makes me giggle. Some of it is actually very funny.
Enjoy!
In the continual effort of MIT to promote artistic abilities, students in Steve Ward's sections were invited to submit, as a weekly writing assignment, a triolet (in lieu of the 1-page writeup). The triolet did not have to address the specific question of the assignment directly, but had to relate (at least marginally) to the topic.
Poetry about computers ... something about this makes me giggle. Some of it is actually very funny.
Enjoy!
Here's one for the conspiracy theorists. I was listening to a radio program last night and they were talking about the incident where the marine hung the American flag on the Saddam Hussein statue. Apparently, the Marine hung the flag upside down (blue stars section down) which mean "distress". The Marine was later interviewed on CNN by Larry King, and he said he was told by his superiors to hang the flag that way.
The person on the radio was speculating about the Marine's actions, since Marines are taught from the get go how the treat the American flag. The person on the radio also said that no one in the news media commented about it.
I remember hearing about this incident, and I thought the buzz on was that it was a mistake for the Marine to even put the American flag on the Hussein statue because it was like a symbol of America conquering Iraq. The coalition forces didn't want to send that message, so they quickly took the flag off. But why was it hung upside down in the first place? Wer the Marines sending a silent message about the "real state of the war in Iraq"? That maybe what those 600 embedded journalists, and all the other international media are reporting are not true, and it's a sham war and that particular Marine's boss wanted the whole world to know it. That, and this is what the radio person said last night, Saddam Hussein and those missing Iraqi leaders whose pictures are now on playing cards (Pokemon watch out) were cut a deal and are now living somewhere and enjoying themselves on a tropical island.
Conspiracy theorists, discuss amongst yourselves.
The person on the radio was speculating about the Marine's actions, since Marines are taught from the get go how the treat the American flag. The person on the radio also said that no one in the news media commented about it.
I remember hearing about this incident, and I thought the buzz on was that it was a mistake for the Marine to even put the American flag on the Hussein statue because it was like a symbol of America conquering Iraq. The coalition forces didn't want to send that message, so they quickly took the flag off. But why was it hung upside down in the first place? Wer the Marines sending a silent message about the "real state of the war in Iraq"? That maybe what those 600 embedded journalists, and all the other international media are reporting are not true, and it's a sham war and that particular Marine's boss wanted the whole world to know it. That, and this is what the radio person said last night, Saddam Hussein and those missing Iraqi leaders whose pictures are now on playing cards (Pokemon watch out) were cut a deal and are now living somewhere and enjoying themselves on a tropical island.
Conspiracy theorists, discuss amongst yourselves.
You need to sign up to read the NY Times online, but there's a great op/ed piece written by Eason Jordan, a CNN news executive, which was published today (4/11/2003). The piece is titled The News We Kept to Ourselves, and in it Jordan talks about the atrocities of the Iraqi regime that CNN never reported.
Some choice bits.
************
I came to know several Iraqi officials well enough that they confided in me that Saddam Hussein was a maniac who had to be removed. One Foreign Ministry officer told me of a colleague who, finding out his brother had been executed by the regime, was forced, as a test of loyalty, to write a letter of congratulations on the act to Saddam Hussein. An aide to Uday once told me why he had no front teeth: henchmen had ripped them out with pliers and told him never to wear dentures, so he would always remember the price to be paid for upsetting his boss. Again, we could not broadcast anything these men said to us.
We also had to worry that our reporting might endanger Iraqis not on our payroll. I knew that CNN could not report that Saddam Hussein's eldest son, Uday, told me in 1995 that he intended to assassinate two of his brothers-in-law who had defected and also the man giving them asylum, King Hussein of Jordan. If we had gone with the story, I was sure he would have responded by killing the Iraqi translator who was the only other participant in the meeting. After all, secret police thugs brutalized even senior officials of the Information Ministry, just to keep them in line (one such official has long been missing all his fingernails).
Then there were the events that were not unreported but that nonetheless still haunt me. A 31-year-old Kuwaiti woman, Asrar Qabandi, was captured by Iraqi secret police occupying her country in 1990 for "crimes," one of which included speaking with CNN on the phone. They beat her daily for two months, forcing her father to watch. In January 1991, on the eve of the American-led offensive, they smashed her skull and tore her body apart limb by limb. A plastic bag containing her body parts was left on the doorstep of her family's home.
*********
Such lovely people the Iraqi regime, something I'm sure the sign painter from Berkeley who wrote "We love you Saddam" would say. Well at least the Berkeley sign painter won't have to worry about finding a loved one's body parts in a plastic bag on their doorstep, since the person had no beef with Saddam.
When some of the anti-war protestors talk about how horrible America is, I think they need to remember that in places like Iraq things were much worse. Had these anti-war people protested against Saddam, I'm sure they would be missing what? fingernails, teeth, their children, their lives?
Some choice bits.
************
I came to know several Iraqi officials well enough that they confided in me that Saddam Hussein was a maniac who had to be removed. One Foreign Ministry officer told me of a colleague who, finding out his brother had been executed by the regime, was forced, as a test of loyalty, to write a letter of congratulations on the act to Saddam Hussein. An aide to Uday once told me why he had no front teeth: henchmen had ripped them out with pliers and told him never to wear dentures, so he would always remember the price to be paid for upsetting his boss. Again, we could not broadcast anything these men said to us.
We also had to worry that our reporting might endanger Iraqis not on our payroll. I knew that CNN could not report that Saddam Hussein's eldest son, Uday, told me in 1995 that he intended to assassinate two of his brothers-in-law who had defected and also the man giving them asylum, King Hussein of Jordan. If we had gone with the story, I was sure he would have responded by killing the Iraqi translator who was the only other participant in the meeting. After all, secret police thugs brutalized even senior officials of the Information Ministry, just to keep them in line (one such official has long been missing all his fingernails).
Then there were the events that were not unreported but that nonetheless still haunt me. A 31-year-old Kuwaiti woman, Asrar Qabandi, was captured by Iraqi secret police occupying her country in 1990 for "crimes," one of which included speaking with CNN on the phone. They beat her daily for two months, forcing her father to watch. In January 1991, on the eve of the American-led offensive, they smashed her skull and tore her body apart limb by limb. A plastic bag containing her body parts was left on the doorstep of her family's home.
*********
Such lovely people the Iraqi regime, something I'm sure the sign painter from Berkeley who wrote "We love you Saddam" would say. Well at least the Berkeley sign painter won't have to worry about finding a loved one's body parts in a plastic bag on their doorstep, since the person had no beef with Saddam.
When some of the anti-war protestors talk about how horrible America is, I think they need to remember that in places like Iraq things were much worse. Had these anti-war people protested against Saddam, I'm sure they would be missing what? fingernails, teeth, their children, their lives?
Wow, I'm on Blogshares whatever that is. I found it in my sitemeter report.
I've been spending the last two days playing with my company laptop. The Company finally gave me an IBM Thinkpad R31. What a pain in the butt the machine has been. I only got it because a salesman quit, so they had an extra one around. At least it's new. My coworkers got older ones.
I think I would preferred an older one, because mine didn't come with a docking station or port replication. Now we're trying to figure out how to connect a keyboard and a mouse, and it's a pain. The USB to PS2 connectors don't work, so now the solution is to buy a USB keyboard and mouse. Stupid IBM! They don't have a keyboard and mouse port on the back of the laptop. IBM is known for manufacturing their machines so you can only use IBM products. I hope this isn't the case, but I wouldn't surprised.
Then I spent the whole morning trying to figure out how to connect to the company VPN. That was another picnic. After two hours, I think we finally fixed it but I won't know till I take it home this weekend and test it out. I should have tested it here again, but I didn't. I've just about had enough of my laptop.
I asked my boss if I should just stick with a desktop, and he said to no. He had a hard time with the company IT department when he got his laptop, and he said just to stick it out and make the IT people fix it. I just have no patience for this kind of stuff, and I used to have to work at an IT Helpdesk. It's just so frustrating for me. I don't understand why things can't just work, or why the IT people don't test the machines they hand out.
The last two days at work have been so horrid for me that I haven't been able to work. I'm sure my bosses love that. I emailed our VP about all the laptop problems I was having, thinking maybe he would say something to the IT department. I doubt it though. He's probably thinking "didn't I tell her she could only have a desktop?" He works from a laptop, so maybe he knew the process would be this painful.
I've been spending the last two days playing with my company laptop. The Company finally gave me an IBM Thinkpad R31. What a pain in the butt the machine has been. I only got it because a salesman quit, so they had an extra one around. At least it's new. My coworkers got older ones.
I think I would preferred an older one, because mine didn't come with a docking station or port replication. Now we're trying to figure out how to connect a keyboard and a mouse, and it's a pain. The USB to PS2 connectors don't work, so now the solution is to buy a USB keyboard and mouse. Stupid IBM! They don't have a keyboard and mouse port on the back of the laptop. IBM is known for manufacturing their machines so you can only use IBM products. I hope this isn't the case, but I wouldn't surprised.
Then I spent the whole morning trying to figure out how to connect to the company VPN. That was another picnic. After two hours, I think we finally fixed it but I won't know till I take it home this weekend and test it out. I should have tested it here again, but I didn't. I've just about had enough of my laptop.
I asked my boss if I should just stick with a desktop, and he said to no. He had a hard time with the company IT department when he got his laptop, and he said just to stick it out and make the IT people fix it. I just have no patience for this kind of stuff, and I used to have to work at an IT Helpdesk. It's just so frustrating for me. I don't understand why things can't just work, or why the IT people don't test the machines they hand out.
The last two days at work have been so horrid for me that I haven't been able to work. I'm sure my bosses love that. I emailed our VP about all the laptop problems I was having, thinking maybe he would say something to the IT department. I doubt it though. He's probably thinking "didn't I tell her she could only have a desktop?" He works from a laptop, so maybe he knew the process would be this painful.
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
I woke up this morning, turned on the TV to get the traffic and weather report and watched in amazement as the Iraqis were trying to bring a statue of Hussein down. Very surreal!
I agree with the prez. I think it's too early to declare a victory yet, but it was nice to see the Iraqi people happy with us being there for once. On CNN, even Al Jazeera was being apologetic. Funny, how the appearance of a victory changes one's attitudes suddenly.
What's frightening is the stories of the Iraqi regime put children in jail because they wouldn't join the youth party. What about those scary torture chambers and torture tools. Some man on the radio said there were earlier videos of the Iraqi resistance shooting people especially women in the back for running up to the Coalition soldiers. He was so angry.
I wonder if there will still be anti-war demonstrations now. I don't think the war will be over until most of our troops come home, and they find the missing ones.
Someone should document all the media spin about the war. Didn't some journalist say early on that the coalition forces were in a "quagmire"? It's a reflection of our society that the journalist wanted an instant war with instant results. War used to take years not weeks, so how can can you call state of the war on just a few days of battles. Don't journalists take history courses where they talk about all the wars that have gone through the years?
It was fun for me being a "pro-war" person to be on the cruise. I thought for sure the cruise would be full of anti-war people because it was mostly full of California people. Suprisingly, most people were "pro-war".
As soon as I told people I was from San Francisco, I think they expected me to go on sam anti-war rant. When I told them my views, people seemed to open and up and relax and we could talk about how worried we were for our soldiers, how biased and anti-american the media was, and how bad Hussein is.
We did run into a few anti-war people from the Bay Area, but they had the same opinion of the anti-war protests that I did. The anti-war protests were mostly being run by anti-american socialists groups, they were violent, and they were focused on a city that's mostly anti-war. These people refused to attend the anti-war protests and they were very anti-war.
One woman was a former Vietnam war protestor who found out through her father, who used to work for the government, that the FBI kept files on all the Vietnam war protestors. Her father found out she was protesting the Vietnam war because the FBI told him about it, and showed him her file. Her father had no idea what she was doing. The woman laughed when she said this and told us her father was a "big time republican".
She told me that the FBI were probably doing the same with the anti-war protestors. This piece of information was scary. When I was taking russian language courses in college, my professors used to joke that just by taking the class we the students were now under FBI scrutiny and we had "files". I'm sure with the Patriot Act, all this kind of stuff is now in hyperdrive mode.
Like I said, it's been a very surreal day. I've got lots more to write about, but I'm tired now. I feel like a witness to history and it's a very strange feeling. It's like a 9/11 feeling only weirder. Events in the world seem to be happening at a dizzying rate.
And SARS is scaring the heck out of me, only because it looks like China is covering up how many death and illnesses they have. Once the war is over, it will SARS, SARS, SARS all day and all night long. If you think the war news was worse, wait till the media gets a hold of SARS. We'll have pictures and videos of sick people, quarantined people and people walking around with masks on their faces, not to mention interviews with grieving relatives, tired doctors and other healthcare people, plus probably a SARS death counter. I'm hoping SARS doesn't turn into a media circus, but I have my doubts.
I agree with the prez. I think it's too early to declare a victory yet, but it was nice to see the Iraqi people happy with us being there for once. On CNN, even Al Jazeera was being apologetic. Funny, how the appearance of a victory changes one's attitudes suddenly.
What's frightening is the stories of the Iraqi regime put children in jail because they wouldn't join the youth party. What about those scary torture chambers and torture tools. Some man on the radio said there were earlier videos of the Iraqi resistance shooting people especially women in the back for running up to the Coalition soldiers. He was so angry.
I wonder if there will still be anti-war demonstrations now. I don't think the war will be over until most of our troops come home, and they find the missing ones.
Someone should document all the media spin about the war. Didn't some journalist say early on that the coalition forces were in a "quagmire"? It's a reflection of our society that the journalist wanted an instant war with instant results. War used to take years not weeks, so how can can you call state of the war on just a few days of battles. Don't journalists take history courses where they talk about all the wars that have gone through the years?
It was fun for me being a "pro-war" person to be on the cruise. I thought for sure the cruise would be full of anti-war people because it was mostly full of California people. Suprisingly, most people were "pro-war".
As soon as I told people I was from San Francisco, I think they expected me to go on sam anti-war rant. When I told them my views, people seemed to open and up and relax and we could talk about how worried we were for our soldiers, how biased and anti-american the media was, and how bad Hussein is.
We did run into a few anti-war people from the Bay Area, but they had the same opinion of the anti-war protests that I did. The anti-war protests were mostly being run by anti-american socialists groups, they were violent, and they were focused on a city that's mostly anti-war. These people refused to attend the anti-war protests and they were very anti-war.
One woman was a former Vietnam war protestor who found out through her father, who used to work for the government, that the FBI kept files on all the Vietnam war protestors. Her father found out she was protesting the Vietnam war because the FBI told him about it, and showed him her file. Her father had no idea what she was doing. The woman laughed when she said this and told us her father was a "big time republican".
She told me that the FBI were probably doing the same with the anti-war protestors. This piece of information was scary. When I was taking russian language courses in college, my professors used to joke that just by taking the class we the students were now under FBI scrutiny and we had "files". I'm sure with the Patriot Act, all this kind of stuff is now in hyperdrive mode.
Like I said, it's been a very surreal day. I've got lots more to write about, but I'm tired now. I feel like a witness to history and it's a very strange feeling. It's like a 9/11 feeling only weirder. Events in the world seem to be happening at a dizzying rate.
And SARS is scaring the heck out of me, only because it looks like China is covering up how many death and illnesses they have. Once the war is over, it will SARS, SARS, SARS all day and all night long. If you think the war news was worse, wait till the media gets a hold of SARS. We'll have pictures and videos of sick people, quarantined people and people walking around with masks on their faces, not to mention interviews with grieving relatives, tired doctors and other healthcare people, plus probably a SARS death counter. I'm hoping SARS doesn't turn into a media circus, but I have my doubts.
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
A week out of my routine daily blogging has made me not want to blog for some reason.
On Monday, I started apartment hunting. I want to move out of my apartment by May 1. I have to start working from home by May 5, and I need a bigger place.
Day 1 of apartment hunting was so depressing. I went to look at a place two blocks from where I live, and it was so small and dirty. The price was great and it came with parking, but it had no view and I think it was even smaller than my place.
Afterwards, I came home, freaked out and then cried myself to sleep. I woke up aorund midnight and read some of my inspirational books. One book said to not get stopped by what looks like negative events. There are no negative events. Every event has a message.
For me the message of that depressing small apartment with parking was I need to spend more money to get a nicer place with parking, and I need to find a place that makes me happy.
Today, I looked at an apartment that was the amount I thought I would have to spend but didn't want to spend. It wasn't in a neighborhood I was interested in, but the ad said the apartment was huge and it came with parking.
The apartment wasn't the greatest, but it did have two things going for it. The bedroom and living room have ocean views and I get my own storage closet. I put a bid in right away, but there were many people looking at the place so I'll have to wait and see if I get accepted.
I think I have another place to look at tomorrow in a neighborhood I wanted to live in, so hopefully I can do that tomorrow. The guy showing the ocean view place said he was going to be out of town tomorrow, so it's not like he's going to make a decision right away.
The place I'm looking at tomorrow is a neighborhood I want to live in and I'm familiar with. The ocean view place is not in a bad neighborhood, but I'm not that familiar with it. I looked around a bit, and it's got a nice little shopping district with coffee places, restaurants and stores.
Of course, now I'm freaking out and looking at my place and thinking about packing all this stuff up and moving it. I've been in my place for about 8 years, so I've accumulated a ton of stuff. I've been trying to throw stuff out, but I still have more to do. No wonder people hate to move. It's a nightmare to pack up all of your stuff.
At least if I get the ocean view place, I'll have a storage closet to store stuff but I don't want to move anything that I'm going to throw out later. Moving is so traumatic. I want to make three passes through my stuff. I've already made one pass through my stuff, and need to make two more passes.
The only good thing about moving is I get to simplify my possessions. I'm a pack rat and it's hard to throw stuff out. The last time I moved, I threw a ton of stuff out and I still felt I had too many things. I don't want that same feeling when I move this time.
On Monday, I started apartment hunting. I want to move out of my apartment by May 1. I have to start working from home by May 5, and I need a bigger place.
Day 1 of apartment hunting was so depressing. I went to look at a place two blocks from where I live, and it was so small and dirty. The price was great and it came with parking, but it had no view and I think it was even smaller than my place.
Afterwards, I came home, freaked out and then cried myself to sleep. I woke up aorund midnight and read some of my inspirational books. One book said to not get stopped by what looks like negative events. There are no negative events. Every event has a message.
For me the message of that depressing small apartment with parking was I need to spend more money to get a nicer place with parking, and I need to find a place that makes me happy.
Today, I looked at an apartment that was the amount I thought I would have to spend but didn't want to spend. It wasn't in a neighborhood I was interested in, but the ad said the apartment was huge and it came with parking.
The apartment wasn't the greatest, but it did have two things going for it. The bedroom and living room have ocean views and I get my own storage closet. I put a bid in right away, but there were many people looking at the place so I'll have to wait and see if I get accepted.
I think I have another place to look at tomorrow in a neighborhood I wanted to live in, so hopefully I can do that tomorrow. The guy showing the ocean view place said he was going to be out of town tomorrow, so it's not like he's going to make a decision right away.
The place I'm looking at tomorrow is a neighborhood I want to live in and I'm familiar with. The ocean view place is not in a bad neighborhood, but I'm not that familiar with it. I looked around a bit, and it's got a nice little shopping district with coffee places, restaurants and stores.
Of course, now I'm freaking out and looking at my place and thinking about packing all this stuff up and moving it. I've been in my place for about 8 years, so I've accumulated a ton of stuff. I've been trying to throw stuff out, but I still have more to do. No wonder people hate to move. It's a nightmare to pack up all of your stuff.
At least if I get the ocean view place, I'll have a storage closet to store stuff but I don't want to move anything that I'm going to throw out later. Moving is so traumatic. I want to make three passes through my stuff. I've already made one pass through my stuff, and need to make two more passes.
The only good thing about moving is I get to simplify my possessions. I'm a pack rat and it's hard to throw stuff out. The last time I moved, I threw a ton of stuff out and I still felt I had too many things. I don't want that same feeling when I move this time.
Sunday, April 06, 2003
Got back from my cruise yesterday. I was so tired. I napped all day and night. I had gotten so used to the motions of the ship, that it's taking awhile for me to find my land legs.
I gained about 5-6 pounds from my vacation, but that's to be expected since I didn't monitor my food. When I go back to eating the way I normally eat, the weight will come off.
I drank way too much on my vacation. I'm so not used to drinking like that anymore. I hated the way drinking made me feel. I felt so tired all the time and sluggish. Drinking alcohol so saps my energy. I don't mind maybe a half a glass of wine at dinner and a cocktail or two, and a night of drinking at parties, but not every day. Being tired from drinking was eye-opening. Maybe I'm turning into an old lady before my time.
It always amazes me how much people drink. More amazing because I used to drink like that. But now that level of alcohol consumption doesn't interest me. I always feel like I'm self-medicating, and it bothers me to think about what I'm self-medicating myself from. I think I use food as self-medication too, and shopping as well.
Why do shopping, food and alcohol make people feel good, when in reality they aren't good for you. Alcohol is a depressant, shopping empties your wallet of cash, and food makes you gain weight and causes health problems down the road.
I'm still tired, and I think a little depressed from the alcohol, so more napping today and watching the war go by on CNN.
I gained about 5-6 pounds from my vacation, but that's to be expected since I didn't monitor my food. When I go back to eating the way I normally eat, the weight will come off.
I drank way too much on my vacation. I'm so not used to drinking like that anymore. I hated the way drinking made me feel. I felt so tired all the time and sluggish. Drinking alcohol so saps my energy. I don't mind maybe a half a glass of wine at dinner and a cocktail or two, and a night of drinking at parties, but not every day. Being tired from drinking was eye-opening. Maybe I'm turning into an old lady before my time.
It always amazes me how much people drink. More amazing because I used to drink like that. But now that level of alcohol consumption doesn't interest me. I always feel like I'm self-medicating, and it bothers me to think about what I'm self-medicating myself from. I think I use food as self-medication too, and shopping as well.
Why do shopping, food and alcohol make people feel good, when in reality they aren't good for you. Alcohol is a depressant, shopping empties your wallet of cash, and food makes you gain weight and causes health problems down the road.
I'm still tired, and I think a little depressed from the alcohol, so more napping today and watching the war go by on CNN.
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
Things I've been doing on my cruise.
Getting all the drink specials at all the various bars on the ship. I am on a pleasant buzz from 3 pm on.
Eating 5 full meals a day. Food is plentiful and somehow sailing makes you very hungry. Today I had two breakfast meals. I'm not sure why other than the fact than I can.
I played Name that Movie Tune today in a team of three other passengers, and we took first place. What's scary is we all knew the words to some of the songs. They should have named it themes from movies before 1980. Our prize was keychains with the name of the cruise line. Yippee.
Reading "Phantoms" by Dean Koontz. Great vacation reading.
Sitting on the deck chair and reading for half and hour, then falling asleep for an hour, then reading again, and falling asleep. Repeat cycle all day.
Thinking about playing "Bingo" on board, but I keep stopping myself.
Watching people line dance after dinner. Some people really know how to do this stuff.
On formal night, sitting with my friend and doing a better than Joan and Melissa Rivers running commentary on the way people are dressed, and what mistakes they're making. We're thinking of starting our own cable access channel show and calling it "Badly Dressed People on a Cruise".
Deciding that after a certain age, a woman should never wear a sleeveless dress unless you're willing to spend 10-12 arms working on your arms and have less than 15% body fat.
Deciding that no matter how great your legs are, there comes a certain time where you should stop wearing skirt at mid thigh level.
Getting all the drink specials at all the various bars on the ship. I am on a pleasant buzz from 3 pm on.
Eating 5 full meals a day. Food is plentiful and somehow sailing makes you very hungry. Today I had two breakfast meals. I'm not sure why other than the fact than I can.
I played Name that Movie Tune today in a team of three other passengers, and we took first place. What's scary is we all knew the words to some of the songs. They should have named it themes from movies before 1980. Our prize was keychains with the name of the cruise line. Yippee.
Reading "Phantoms" by Dean Koontz. Great vacation reading.
Sitting on the deck chair and reading for half and hour, then falling asleep for an hour, then reading again, and falling asleep. Repeat cycle all day.
Thinking about playing "Bingo" on board, but I keep stopping myself.
Watching people line dance after dinner. Some people really know how to do this stuff.
On formal night, sitting with my friend and doing a better than Joan and Melissa Rivers running commentary on the way people are dressed, and what mistakes they're making. We're thinking of starting our own cable access channel show and calling it "Badly Dressed People on a Cruise".
Deciding that after a certain age, a woman should never wear a sleeveless dress unless you're willing to spend 10-12 arms working on your arms and have less than 15% body fat.
Deciding that no matter how great your legs are, there comes a certain time where you should stop wearing skirt at mid thigh level.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)