I went to Well last night at ACT.

The SF Chron had the little man jumping up in his seat and clapping, and it was a big hit off-Broadway in New York and was name of the ten best plays of 2004 by the NY Times and other publications. It's also apparently heading for Broadway sometime soon.

It was a good play, funny as heck, but in the end I left vaguely feeling unsatisfied. I kept also looking at my watch, something I almost never do in a play performance. People clapped at the end and a few people stood up, but the audience response was less than what I've seen it for other plays.

Afterwards I kept thinking, you know the play should have worked and I should have walked out feeling like it was a good play. I laughed, I was entertained, but the ending left me flat. There was no big revelation at the end, no "AHA" moment, no lifting of veil to take a peek into the universality of human behaviour, no Aristotelian cathartic moment, just a gentle, gentle let down.

"Caroline or Change" had the same effect of me, only to a lesser degree. The character Caroline's last song was heartbreaking and really, really touching, and as she sang it I knew she was knocking for a few seconds on the door of some great universal truth, but then the truth wasn't sustained and the ending was flat.

Great art takes on a wild emotional ride, and at the end you feel complete, you feel full, and there is no flatness.

And it's not that these two plays weren't good, they were, they just weren't great and great art is such a mysterious thing.

I've had the urge to shop for weeks, and I finally gave in tonight. So I'm shopaholicking at Macy's and I find two silk skirts and two silk dresses that actually fit. They were all on sale and I was expecting to spend about $175 or so.

Much to my surprise, the bill came to $98.07. And I'm like "OH MY GOD!" I'm paying under a hundred dollars for four, count them four, 100% pure silk pieces of clothing, two of which are dresses. I'm buying silk housedresses to wear to work. You just pop them over your head, throw a jacket, pearls and heels on and you're ready for work. They are so comfy too!

I just love shopaholicking. I could have bought those trendy mini tweedy/boucle skirts that everyone seems to wearing, but you really have to have the right figure to get away with all that bumpy and textured fabric on your big old rear. And right now, I feel fat and I'm sure my bum does too.

You know the US economy is in bad shape when Thomas Friedman of the NY Times writes in his column about the dollar falling.

North South Korea's Central Bank is diversifying out of the dollar, which will probably have a domino effect through Southeast Asia. Once China decouples its currency from the dollar, it will be a wild ride on the markets. Sadam Hussein tried to do it before Gulf War 2 when he wanted Iraqi oil payment in Euros instead of dollars, but since his demise no other Arab country has followed suit.

Oil is heading up to $50 a barrel and expected to go to $60 by Spring, and my energy mutual fund is up $4 since I bought shares in December. Of course my nasdaq stock is tanking, but that's why I bought into an energy mutual fund to offset any losses that are bound to be expected when oil prices go up.

Noah's Bagels raised their prices and so did the cafeteria in my building. I would expect consumer prices to spike up in relation to how gas and oil prices rise. Is it any wonder no one is shopping? Once people stop shopping, prices will drop. I hear GMC has already lowered the price of their cars and trucks to get business going. Of course, they manufacture nothing but gas guzzling cars and trucks so I don't think their discounting will help their bottom line much.

I'm exhausted and cranky. I only got maybe three hours of sleep last night. I just couldn't fall asleep and ended up reading till 2 am, and when I finally lay down to sleep I passed out and the next thing I hear is my alarm going off.

I have to go to a play tonight, and I know I won't enjoy it because I'm exhausted. I had lunch with a friend and I thought maybe some Cadbury chocolate would cheer me up, but I ended up buying a dark chocolate bar by mistake and I hate the taste of it. I'm more of milk chocolate girl.

Another friend broke up with the guy she's been seeing off and on for about a couple of years. She didn't want it to get to the point where she hated him, but then it went that way. Sometimes I think that's the best way to break up with a guy. Get the point where you hate the guy so much and then when you break up with him you're not grieving and wondering if you've done the right thing. People say this is the unhealthy way to break up because then you can't be friends but you know, the whole "let's be friends" idea is so overrated. Who wants to be friends with an ex?

I wish I had broken up with the red-haired guy the old fashioned unhealthy way. I'm the one who broke it off because it was not a good thing for me, and I'm the one who is still grieving and wondering if I did the right thing. It's like been way too hard to break the pattern of unhealthy emotional behaviour because I don't usually break up with anyone in a healthy way and I'm not used to having so much regret about letting someone go. I hate the emotion of "regret". I've had very few regrets in my life,and I'm not used do dealing with this emotion.

I swear the next time I break up with some guy, I'm going back to how everyone else does it; unhealthy with no regrets because you hate the person so much.

I had a sleepless night and it's only 10 am and I'm already having a horrible, horrible work day. I put someone's phone number instead of their fax on a letter that went out to clients, and now my boss and his AA are so mad at me.

So my company just announced its fifth business unit reorg since December. Executive heads are getting chopped, but not anyone else.

The business unit that pays my salary reorged in December, but the business unit that I'm a part of has yet to reorg. I think our group is next, although no one is saying anything.

I guess the worse that could happen is I get a different boss, which would be a bummer, or my boss and I move to another section, which means I'll probably have to move to different floor.

Changes are definitely coming, it's just a matter of when.

A couple people in the department brought in homemade treats to eat for the whole group, and without thinking I gobbled the cookies and brownies up. Boy, what a mistake. I was sick as a dog last night! This is why I fear company potlucks. You just never know the cleanliness level of your fellow coworkers when it comes to cooking. This will teach me never to eat food at work unless it is packaged or from a store.

Silly isn't it ... but having the runs at 3 am in the morning is not a fun experience.

It was a work holiday today, but I woke up early to take my car into the shop to get my right headlight fixed since it was out. I thought there were going to charge me a ton for it and I was going to have a wait a long time, but they got it done in an hour. Times must be tough at my car dealership when they're handing out roses to their customers to thank them for taking their car in for repair. In the five years I've been dealing with them, they've never been that nice.

Then I was off doing errands all morning. I went to Target to buy some cleaning supplies and ended up with a new lamp and Brita water filter to fit over my faucet. I've been wanting a Brita filter for my kitchen faucet for a long time, and when I saw it on sale I had to buy one. I also ended up with a new paper shredder, since I burnt out the small one I had. So much for just picking up a few things at Target.

Then I went to pick up gas at $2.09 a gallon, and I'm thinking to myself I'm so glad I don't drive to work anymore. Gas is so expensive! I wonder how families with huge gas eating cars are doing with these gas prices. They're only going to go up too, and not go down.

I love Target so much! They've always had great stuff, and now they're stuff is so much better because they do knockoffs of the merchandise at stores like Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrel. Since I regurlarly browse in these kinds of stores, I know an imitation when I see one. And Target does it for much cheaper and unless you're really looking close, sometimes you really can't tell the difference between the merchandise.

I actually saw a quilt I liked at Target. I've been wanting to change my bed quilt for a long time, and just can't seem to find a pattern I liked. Target had a lovely quilt, but only one pillow sham. I would have had to go to another store to find a second pillow sham, and I decided it wasn't worth the bother on the holiday even at Target's oh so cheap prices.

Then it was off to the mall to visit Nordstrom to buy some makeup, and then I was supposed to go to Macy's to buy a thank you present for someone but I decided it was better to buy it online so I could have the online retailer mail it for me, so I would one less errand to do.

And then it was back home to do my cleaning chores that I skipped all weekend, so much for a fun three days off from work.

Does it seem like the economy is really bad to you? It does to me. I don't think people are buying as much stuff, and shoppers aren't certainly out in droves like they used to be for a holiday. But I did my part today to support our consumer driven economy and came home with a ton of stuff.

Sometime I hate that I love to shop. I have so much stuff, and I keep buying more of it. I feel like paring down my stuff and just throwing everything out. I just threw out out a $80 shirt I bought years ago because it was looking frayed. I could have fixed, but I haven't worn it in five years and it's not really my style anymore.

I want to go through my whole closet and throw everything out, and just start from scratch. But it takes money to do that, and I really can't afford it right now. Besides I feel really fat right now, and I know I shouldn't be shopping for clothes until I lose some weight. I'm just so sick of all of my clothes right now.

For my Christmas/bday present, a friend took me to see the Broadway play "Caroline or Change". We had orchestra seats which were nice, and despite the fact that I'm not a big Tony Kushner fan, I really enjoyed the play. It's fun to see a Broadway musical in San Francisco, without having to go all the way to NYC. One of the characters in the play even won a Tony last year for best support actress in a musical for her role in this play. She's a local favourite, and my friend reminded me that we saw her in "Tartuffe" and "Resurrection: Changing History" at ACT. She even thanked ACT in her acceptance speech at the Tonys last year.

I liked the musical a lot, although the end left me very unsatisfied somehow. But all Tony Kushner's plays have that affect on me so I shouldn't be surprised. Sometimes I think he tries to be a bit too clever and intellectual for his audience, and it robs his plays of what the greeks would call a "cathartic ending." Oh well, whatever, it was a fun play to watch and singing was phenomenal.

I've been in a weird mood lately. Everyone at work has been out with the flu, and I've been tired and feeling like I'm fighting the flu as well.

I've been sleeping a ton which is weird, because I am usually a total insomniac and can only sleep for 5-6 hours at at time. Not anymore. Who knew I could sleep so much and not feel tired during the day?

My anxiety is back, but kind of at a low level. It was gone all of January it seemed and now it's back, or trying to come back. Every day it feels like something is going to happen, but nothing ever does. Just little things the right headlight going out in my car over the weekend, and then on Tuesday I lost one of the books for my greek drama class and had to repurchase the book.

I went out with a really good friend of mine on February 5, and we bopped around and went to the Asian Antique Art Show and then to China Town for the Flower Fair for Chinese New Years. I had a great time with her, but then I got kind of bummed when she told me she called her wedding off.

My friend told me she's been in love for like two years and last fall got engaged with a $6K platinum diamond engagement ring and wedding planned for June. I've been really sort of jealous only because I was wishing it could happen to me. But now the whole thing is off and my friend is freaking out because the guy is like living with her, and she doesn't know what to do with him. She loves him and all, but is having serious doubts about marrying him.

She had a laundry list of his faults, and I kept saying to her "didn't you notice these things in the two years you were together?" and she said no. It's only been since the engagment that she's noticed what an unsuitable partner he is. Part of her misery is driven in part by the fact that she's unemployed. It's amazing how lack of money can really put a damper on your life. But part of it is, and I didn't want to tell her this from the beginning, that he really is opposite to any guy she's told me she's ever dated. Her fiance is so not her type, and I knew that when I met him but I kept my mouth shut because she seemed so in love and like I was anyone to give advice to my best friend on being in love.

But like any good friend, I told her to stick with him because she loved him and maybe when she got her finances in better shape he wouldn't be so bad. And besides, breaking up is hard and painful especially if you've been living with a guy for over two years. I didn't know what else to say.

So I'm having a Marcel Proust "Remembrance of Things Past" week where I'm eating foods that I've loved in years past.

I had tuna sandwiches for lunch the last two days, which so reminded me of growing up and eating home packed school lunches. Then today, I went to Baja Fresh because I had a craving for nachos. I used to live on nachos and ate them at least once a week. I'm not sure why or when I grew out of my nachos phase, but I hardly eat them any more. Pizza is the same say. I love eating pizza but I hardly do it unless I'm with friends.

So I'm ploughing through my Baja Fresh nachos and I'm thinking to myself, I can't believe use to eat this dish regularly because it's really not that tasty. I get the same way with tuna sandwiches. I crave them for awhile and then end up thinking it's just not a very good lunch. It's kind of sad really.

I went to see the kineseologist I've been seeing every two months, and he said I was doing so much better with my health that I could stop seeing him every two months and had to only visit him once every three months.

This was such good news to me since I felt like all the work I've been doing with trying to be healthy was finally paying off. Not sure if I feel the difference healthwise but my kineseologist saw a big difference, which means less visits to him and less money spent by me.

So I've been a good couch potato and spent the last two Sundays at home being such a lazy girl, but this is a good thing. I haven't felt comfortable in my own place for a long time and definitely could not write there, which has been such a drag since I need to be able to write at home. Hopefully that's all changed now since last night I finally felt comfortable being at home for the first time in ages.

I think if I just move my computer to where my work computer used to be and get a new lamp, I'll be good to go. And when I get my new laptop which will be in a month, I'll put my laptop where my computer is now and have two places where I can write in my apartment.

It was the start of Chinese New Year's yesterday and it's the year of the rooster, so how weird was it when I walked out of the shower this morning and heard a rooster crowing. I'm like, did one of the neighbours buy a rooster for the new year or was that noise coming from the television? The weather report was on so I don't think it was coming from my tv, and the rooster crowed only once and it was already daylight.

So I'm like what is this supposed to mean? Is it like a good sign or what? Hearing the rooster crow reminded me of growing up because one of the neighbours kept chickens and roosters and I could hear them crowing every morning at the crack of dawn. I've been living at my place for almost two years and this was the first time I heard a rooster making a noise. Very very strange ...

There probably aren't very many people weeping, but I'm saddened by Carly Fiorina's resignation from HP. Fiorina has always been a sort of role model for my corporate self. The crusty old HP board booted her out. If she was smart she built herself a grand old golden parachute to make her leaving very soft and cushy. I wonder how much they offered her to take a hike?

I still remember when she first got hired and she was scrutinized by the media up and down and all over, from her choice of husband to her hairstyle to her clothes. If she had been a man, the media would have kept the coverage about business and would never have made a comment about the man's choice of wife.

Thank goodness Oprah is still going strong and earning a ton of money.

I know the network wanted to play it safe and all with the music and even though I like Paul McCartney and everything, I couldn't help but think that I was watching teh "Geriatric Music Super Bowl". OY! I'm so bad, but god was that music old and dated. Okay, maybe not the Black Eyed Peas but everything else, come on! They even had had John Fogerty on. I felt like I was watching the modern version of The Lawrence Welk Show. So, so, very, very scary....

Well, my personal life may be depressing me as heck but my work life is looking a lot better. One of my bosses just assigned me back to an old project that I was working on when I first started, and I told him I needed training. He didn't bat an eye and said okay. So now I'll get either Business Objects or Crystal database training or hopefully both. Maybe even SAS if I'm lucky. I love learning skills like these that I can stick on my resume.

I'm excited because the doctor that I worked with last year specifically requested me saying I had good positive energy and was great to work with. She said this to my boss and I'm hoping this will help when it comes to my boss figuring out my merit raise.

Plus, what I'm really excited about is I'll be learning new things because the earlier project has springboarded into another new project and will probably generate future projects in years to come. And it's a cutting edge project in my business and that's always a fun, fun thing.

Maybe it's not just me, but everyone at work is saying that this week has been really hard and it's only Wednesday. Everyone here is in such a bad, bad mood.

Lots of people out with the flu, and thank god I've got zero symptoms.

Blogger is slow today ... guess the people at Google are too busy celebrating their great stock results to mind the servers.

Apologies for not writing. I had the worst dream on Sunday morning. I dreamt a friend of mine was dying and he was calling out to me to save him. It was so real and creepy, and it's put me in a blue mood that I can't seem to get out of. I've lost touch with this person, and have no idea how to get a hold of him to find out if he's okay.

I guess I'm spooked because I've three friends die in the last four years, and I was thinking a little about two of them before I heard the news of their demise.

I can't write, and I'm basically just holding on hoping to get through the day and then I go home and lie in bed all night. I felt like I was on the edge of a void, some kind of abyss on Monday night, and by Tuesday morning it felt like I had fallen in. Wednesday morning I woke up feeling like I was still hurtling down the hole like Alice from "Alice in Wonderland".

My intuition tells me to expect shocks, upheavals, and seeds of karma that must and will be harvested. I wish I could turn my intuition off because it's been so wrong before. And of course, my anxiety is going through the roof big time. It's not as bad as it's been in the past, but it's getting up there.

I wish I knew what was going on or how to dig myself out of this blue funk I'm in.

I was suppose to finish Chapter 11 of my Texas novel this weekend, which was one of my writing goals for the month, but it's only half written. I did manage to finish Chapter 10 of the Texas novel and then finish chapter 2 of my "Changing Timelines" novel. Still, it would have been nice to say I wrote three chapters in a month because it would have been a bang up way to start the new year.