Another group for the Paul Haunting list - Dada. They had that one hit Diz Knee Land. The whole album was actually quite good.

10 at 10 from 1982, heard last night on KFOG during my workout.

1. Bill Nelson - Flaming Desire
2. Flock of Seagulls - I Ran
3. Alan Parsons Project - Psychobabble
4. Jon Anderson - All in a Matter of Time
5. XTC - Senses Working Overtime
6. Marvin Gaye - Sexual Healing
7. Huey Lewis & the News - Workin' For a Livin'
8. Men at Work - Overkill
9. English Beat - Save it for Later
10. Split Enz - Six Months in a Leaky Boat

So many memories from that year. I forgot how much I loved the song "Senses Working Overtime". I'll have to figure out how to get it. I haven't heard Psychobabble since I was with Paul, my dead exboyfriend. Every time I hear a song I associate with him, I feel like I'm getting a "Paul haunting". Groups associated with Paul: Pink Floyd, Jesus Jones, Guns N Roses, 4 Non Blondes, Joe Walsh, The Grateful Dead, and the Wish album by The Cure. Other groups too but I can't remember them all. Only know I'm having a "Paul haunting" when I hear the song. I think I owned A Flock of Seaguls album. Whenever I hear "I Ran", I think of that summer I spent in San Diego being a nanny to my two nephews. I poddy trained my nephew Brandon and he grew up to be such a sweet young man. I still love The English Beat and wished they were still making hits. You can't find a good ska band or record anywhere. I heard a good ska band once at Miss Pearl's Jam House years ago. My girlfriend and I stood on our chairs and danced and nobody said anything. I guess pretty girls dancing on chairs at a nightclub is always tolerated, no matter how dangerous or how wasted the girls are. The bartender guys just stared at us and smiled as did every other man in the place. I guess we were quite a sight. Dare I admit I used to love Men at Work? My two friends from Australia, Maree who ran her own day care center and Cathy who worked for the government, hated them. They never understood what my attraction to that group was. Maybe it was the singer's voice. I never much cared for Huey Lewis and the News but they did make okay music if you're in that kind of mood. I don't remember who Bill Nelson or Jon Anderson were? I didn't listen to anything except new wave and techno pop and disco. But of course, I totally remembered that Marvin Gaye song. I think I even had sex to that song once. Whatever happend to Split Enz?

Three semi good-looking guys stopped by to talk to me in the coffeeshop while I was working on my screenplay. There were so sweet and I got the distinct feeling that they were very happy just to speak to me. The cutest of the bunch said to me "See ya later" as he left, like he really meant. There were very young though, probably too young for my taste, but hey, I still get a thrill when guys get a thrill just speaking to me. It's so cute!!! Never mind that I would never ever go out with any of them. It's just cute that just speaking to me made them so happy. Boys are funny aren't they?

It doesn't pay to be so spacey. I was trying to update my United Airlines Mileage Plus account today with my West Virginia flight information. I haven't flown on United Airlines in a long time and I haven't been paying attention to their Mileage Plus program. I was reading the brochure today when I realized that I could have earned mileage on car rentals. This bums me out so much!!! I had a car rental in 1998 when I went to Hawaii and in 2000 when I went to Carmel and last July when I went to Hawaii for that wedding. I could have been earning mileage the whole time. And they have hotel partners too, so I could have been earning mileage at the Hyatt in Dallas in 2000 and maybe even the hotels in Hawaii and Dallas that I stayed at in 1998 and 1999.

I'm telling myself I shouldn't feel so bad because I usually charge travel expenses on my American Express card and I earned points on their travel program, but still. I definitely missed an opportunity to get a free trip.

I used to fly at least four times a year awhile back and totally made out like a bandit on triple mileage. I earned free trips on all the airlines. I was really into my mileage plus cards then. But when I stopped travelling, I stopped paying attention and I'm paying the price. God, I hate when I get spacey about stuff like earning points for some program I'm on.

I was thinking that I could put in for the car and hotel rental in Hawaii last year, but I'm too late. You have to do it in a year or they won't do it and it's been about 13 months. Man, I'm bummed, so bummed. I could have had a free trip on United Airlines by now!

It so doesn't count to be spacey about your frequent flyer programs.

Information comes to me strange ways. On the way back to my place from doing laundry, the free magazine "Bay Area Parent" was strewn across my steps. The cover story was on Tim Hudson "Huddy", star pitcher for the Oakland A's and the caption read "A's Hurler Tim Hudson: On Being a Big League Dad". How fortuitious since part of my screenplay is about my baseball player dude's relationship to his young son. The article definitely goes into the research folder.

I read the headlines on SF Gate and was shocked to find out that Nasdaq was at April 1997 lows. I knew the stock market would tank and go down to 98 levels, but never in my wildest dreams did I think the Nasdaq sink that low. Just think in 1999, there were all these articles everywhere about how great the stock market was, especially the Nasdaq. In early 2000, the Nasdaq volume was at 5,000. Now in mid 2002 it's quarter of that volume at 1200.

I wonder how many poor people bought the hype about the stock market. I know so many peopel who lost money. I started telling people in 1999 to get out of the market while the market was still high. All my friends, even the really good ones, laughed at me. I wonder who's laughing now. I made money in 2000 and then got the hell out and switched everything over to a money market fund. My investment portfolio value is higher than it was in 2000 and keeping pace with inflation. I can't say the same is true for all of my friends' investment portfolio. Silly people!!!

And what's worse is that I don't think people in general will make the connection to not believe what the papers and TV are telling them. No matter what the newspapers and TV people are saying, you've got to research the stuff and come to your own conclusions. I knew the market was overhyped. I had put together a financial business plan for a startup company before and had to predict when a company would make money. The thing that should have been obvious was none of these overhyped tech stocks had much of revenue stream but a hell of an expense stream. Way too much money being spent and not any money coming in. The tech people spent wildly and lavishly without revenue to pay for it. They were reckless and arrogant but the biggest fools were the people who bought their stock and believed their messed up business plans and models. These tech stock people broke every business rule on how to start a company, rules that have worked since humankind invented businesses. Is it any wonder they all failed and everything came crashing down in a serious way? Silly people who hosed investors and themselves and sillier people who bought the hype and the serious flaunting of basic business rules. Part of me feels sorry for the people who lost money and the other part says "there's a sucker born every minute" and I'mj ust glad that some of the time, I'm not one of them.

I saw Reign of Fire on Friday and I really liked it. Too bad the movie didn't have much of a story line, but the idea was great. I've always loved dragons and I like the fact that this movie mentioned that the dragons of legend were actually real.

I loved the special effects, even though some reviewers thought there were hokey. I loved the prayer they made the children say, which was eerie and spooky, because instead of praying to god they prayed to escape the dragons.

If that movie maybe had half an hour of exposition on how Matthew McConaughey came to England, how the chopper chick joined and how the Christian Bale character came to the castle. They had the characters tell you key elements of the story which was boring, but probably is a lesson to me for my screenplay. Characters telling you the important stuff is boring!!! Show don't tell. But it's hard in a screenplay because you want to avoid flashbacks at any cost. I think they could have fit it all in half an hour more of movie footage. Maybe tell two parallel stories of Matthew and Christian Bale.

Best part of the movie of course was when the dragon fried everyone on the outskirts of London. The movie was nice and violent and I loved it.

I'm debating on whether to see The Bourne Identity since I'm a big fan of the Bourne trilogy of books. I can't imagine Matt Damon as Jason Bourne, but the movie is supposed to different from the book. Jason Bourne was a totally brilliant southeast asian scholar turned assassin zealot in the book. He was the ultimate soldier and his intelligence made him totally lethal. I learned alot in that book. The first book especially read like a handbook on how to be spy and top guy terrorist.

I guess I'll break down and see The Road to Perdition since there's such a review buzz around it and maybe even Minority Report, only because it's Tom Cruise and I've seen all of his movies in the theatre. I'm debating Men in Black 2 but friends have told me the original was way better. I hate bad followup movies!

I went to the Michael Sweerts exhibit at the Legion of Honor on Saturday. I don't really care for flemish style of painting with so much of it being dark and flat, but Sweerts was brilliant at painting cloth. His portraits, which I think were revolutionary for the time, were painted with so much feeling and expression, like photographs. His portraits didn't just stare at your front and center, doing all dour, probably because they had to stand stock still for hours on end. Instead, his subjects were in action, looking off to the side, anywhere but staring straight at you. One guy was even getting dressed, the kind of scene nobody else was painting at the time.

The exhibit was small, but that because he's only recently been discovered as a great artist. Perhaps in the future, more of his paintings will show up and a museum will be able to mount a large exhibit.

I love going to museums and people watching. I'm alway amazed at the types of people who actually go the museums. You see the whole range from art experts to the people who are there because they think looking at pictures in a museum is a good thing. I suppose everyone has their reasons for going. I think I go because I like looking at art, having studied some of it but definitel not enough of it to be an expert, and I also love marvelling at artists who draw well.

I've tried to do the art thing by taking art and drawing classes, but I just ended up frustrated at my rather limited drawing ability. The best I ever did is I drew a coffee pot in charcoal that to me, actually looked like a coffee pot. I never got light and shading and I definitely still can't figure out perspective very well. So I envy people who have the gift for drawing and I love marvelling at their skills. Looking at art, great art is like reading a great book, because there is so much pleasure in seeing a master, a genius at work.

I feel the same way about people who can dance well and play instruments. Having tried to do both dance and playing an instrument and failing miserably on my own, I have nothing but great admiration for people who excel in these skills.

I also went to my holistic healer chiropractor who told me my life force was at 93-94% but that I still had some fungal infection in my stomach and kidney. I asked him what he meant and he said there probably fungal growing in those organs. Like how gross is that!!! He said there were no new infestations, but he needed to strengthen my stomach and pancreas to kill off the fungal eggs and larvae. Apparently, when he was working on me before, he didn't want to treat my stomach until I had gotten rid of most of my fungal and parasites, because my system was already in overload. But now that I was practically fungal and parasite free, he could strengthen the organs that he didn't heal completely.

I was happy that no new infestations were being hatched in my body, but when he mentioned the eggs and larvae hanging out in my stomach and pancreas, I freaked out. Just the image of what he said put me on edge. Who wants to go through the rest of the weekend thinking that your heart and pancreas are jam packed fully of fungal eggs and larvae?

Thank god he healed me!!! He also said that instead of the ADD that I had as a child, I had a different sort of brain dysfunction. He told me that the connection between my right and left brain was weak and what this meant was I was fine if I was given a project to work on, but wasn't very good at switching gears and being interrupted. This is so true. It's very stressful for me to being in a situation where I all of sudden have to switch gears and be creative.

Like say I was working on a project and then all of sudden, I find out that something has come up that has to be changed on the project. The stressful part comes in when I have to figure out a new thing, a new change for the project and then going back later and incorporating the new thing in my existing project.

I've had these type of experiences at other jobs before and I've hated them. I hate adding to something at the last minute when I'm on a deadline. I get sloppy and I make mistakes and I freak out because it' s hard and I know I just cannot work under that kind of pressure. I know some people thrive on being able to turn something around that quickly and easily, but I don't. It's just all one big stressing event for me. It's like trying to figure out left from right, which is a way stressful event for me. I have to really think about it sometimes and I hate that I just can't automatically figure it right out.

So, I'm glad about not having the ADD and I'm also glad that in a few months, he said he'll be able to fix this weak connection of mind between my right and left brain. I wanted him to do it but he said I need to get rid of my fungal eggs and parasite before he fixed my brain synapses misfiring. I was glad at least, that he said he could fix it. Not that I'm in a job that has last minute deadline pressures, but I don't think I need my brain synpases misfiring. That so doesn't sound so good.

My healer said the brain glitch happened from some mental trauma and scarring I had as a child. Was it all those horrible experiences I had in first grade of not being able to put together puzzles? Now that's an experience that will scar any child for life that's for sure. I wish I knew.

What's ironic is that now I'm very good at problem solving in my adult life. It's what I think I do best at work, solve problems. Someone hands me an outcome and then I figure out how tot get to that outcome. I even like the challenge of figuring out puzzles and problems because it's so satisfying to figure sometihing out. Will I still get the same thrill if my healer guy fixes my misfiring brain synpases? I hope so. Problem solving is the only thing that keeps my rather dull and boring job interesting.

I rented Oceans 11 and High Fidelity this week. A friend of mind said that Oceans 11 was worth watching because it was boy eye candy. And it is eye candy if you're a Brad Pitt and George Clooney fan. Unfortunately, I'm not. I mean they're good looking and all and I wouldn't kick them out of bed, but they so do not get my pulses racings. The person I loved in Oceans 11 was Elliot Gould. God, the man is so funny. I think I still have a crush on him from his performance in MASH. The guy has definitely aged, but he's aging very, very well.

I liked High Fidelity, although parts of it was kind of boring. I think I need to read the book by Nick Hornsby to really appreciate this story. The two nerd boys working at the record shop just totally annoyed me. Especially Jack Black. Half way through the movie, I totally wanted to kick him to death. I guess he played the annoying music nerd very well for me to have that kind of reaction. The skinny guy, whoever he was, was annoying as well, but not as annoying as the skanky chubby guy.

The funny thing about High Fidelity was that John Cusak's character could actually have all those pretty women as girlfriends. I mean, yeah, like only in a Hollywood movie. His character did try to explain how he manages to get very pretty women by being a SNAG, sensitive new age guy, but he even admitted it was a total lie. God, I hate guys like him!!! I hate guys who pretend to be sensitive, which is 99.9% of all guys, and in reality really aren't. It's so bad!!! I'd rather know up front I'm dating an insensitive freak, so at least I'm prepared and there are no surprises.

Most women will tell you that the jerkiest guys they know are the ones they thought were nice and sensitive, and ended up treating them like shit anyway. Them boys are the worst, only beacause it's shocking. Better to date the non-sensitive types who are more honest about who they are instead of faking their personality to get chicks. I stay away from the sensitive types as a rule now, just for this very reason.

I knew that High Fidelity was originally set in London, so for me the american adaptation didn't quite work. American women just aren't like English women and anyway, two of the actresses, the actress playing John Cusak's girlfriend and Catherine Zeta-Jones had accents.

I liked the idea of the top five list, although I think alot of men use it as a line. I find it particularly suspect when a guy tells me after sex that I've made some top 5 list. Like I'm sure the guy says it to every woman after sex. I think there's the public top 5 list and then there's a a secret top five list that that only they and their guy friends know about. The public top five list is just a ruse to either impress chicks or convey some kind of false impression.

But does every guy have a lists of their top five whatever in their head? What a concept. Every once in awhile I think about what top 5 cds I would take if I got lost on a desert island, but my list keeps changing depending on my mood. Then I tell myself I wouldn't be so stupid as to get lost on a desert island, so making the stupid is futile.

I heard this song on NPR this morning. I love how NPR pimps CDs now. Frank Sinatra was singing this song from a 6-cd box set I think called "Sinatra at the Movies". The old guy had a great voice and okay, maybe the pimping does work or maybe because I'm in that "new class of people who listen to NPR", but I am seriously thinking of buying this box set.

*********************************
"Someone to Watch Over Me"
Writer(s): Gershwin/Gershwin

There's a saying old says that love is blind
Still we're often told, "Seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind
Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet

He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret
I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could always be good
Someone who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key
Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me
********************************

I would add to this song, make him a workaholic so I don't have to feel guilty about my own workaholic ways, make him love to watch football, baseball, basketball, tennis and hockey, well, all sports in general, make him smart and someone who knows how to write decently so I don't freak out when he sends me emails, make him someone who enjoys the outdoors but whose idea of camping is slow room service, make him tolerant of visits to art museums, ballet, opera, theatre, broadway shows, make him cute cute, clean, smell nice and not a sloppy dresser, make him love to travel, tolerates foreign movies but loves to go to movies in general, likes to read, doesn't have extreme political views that will freak me out, did not for Nader in the last election, pragmatic and fiscally conservative politically, idealists from either party need not apply, and please make him drive a car from the acceptable car list (either a bmw, vw, mercedes, saab or other european brand as first choice and japanese brand as second choice and please no suvs or american cars, although a jeep cherokee is borderline acceptable and definitely no trucks). A dog is a plus.

It's my pet theory that mediocre looking men become instantly cute and attractive in my eyes when they're walking my favorite kinds of pet dogs, like german shephards, giant standard poodles, pugs, retrievers, and of course, luscious chocolate brown labradors.

I just added another story to my ISP website. It's my infamous shitty first draft of a screenplay, "Playing Catch with Dad". I didn't inlcude the whole thing since it's 120 pages, but just my personal favorite scenes and other scenes my reviewers have liked.

I really just had one favorite scene in the whole thing, which is when my baseball player dude is walking around Pac Bell Park. I don't know, something about this scene is so great. I still remember my first thrill of walking around Pac Bell Park and how cool it was to see the Bay and downtown scenes from the park. I love that south of market view of downtown and looking out into McCovey Cove and seeing the people in their boats and the occassional ship that floats by.

The best way to see the park is get a seat on the bottom where they serve you food in your seats. Talk about couch potatoing it at the baseball stadium. With that ticket, you have an all access pass to all the levels. You also run into all the sports announcers in the hallway or the bar, if you're into that sort of thing. And there's no line for the bathroom. How hot is that!!! Then there are those freaks at the bar, who just sit in the bar and watch the game all night. What freaks! They can't even be bothered to go outside to see the game. I mean, what's to the point of being at the game? Plus, depending on your seat you'll see Larry Baer or maybe even Peter Magowan walking around, not to mention whatever famous and local celebs are watching the game. Sitting on the field level seats are the only way to go!

I added two more stories to my ISP web page, which can be found at the "My Stories" link at your left.

The first new story is an introduction to a seven volume story I'm planning to write one day called "The Elf Girl Chronicles". I posted the story in my blog sometime last year, but I decided it needed to be on its own web page.

The second story is one I wrote for a writing class assignment in 2001. It's called "Rodeo Spurs on My Heart". I know, stupid title but it's sort of a silly story anyway. We had to look through the paper and find an article that caught our attention and I picked one about rodeo cowboys. I think the rodeo was in town at the time. We then had to write a story using the article as inspiration. My story ended up being about a former cowboy from Texas now living in Cali. His childhood best friend is in town for the rodeo and my cowboy guy takes his family to see him. The two guys have always been friendly, and sometimes mean rivals. This story is a continuation of their childhood rivalry, only cowboy dude's best friend takes the rivalry a little too far. I think sometimes people do that, do things for silly reasons and then end up wrecking friendships and lives in the aftermath. But that's life isn't it?

I have another cowboy story brewing which I will finish one day. It's about an aging cowboy rodeo star who falls in love with a cowgirl horse trainer from Cali. He's about to retire when he falls in love and he has to decide whether to leave his ranch in Texas or to move to Cali. He's a 7th generation Texan native who loves his ranch and his state and she's a new age Cali bred horse trainer. It's like a clash of cultures story because I think Texas culture is like a foreign country. All that land, all that heat, all that history makes for a very different breed of man.

The story is still knocking around in my head and it's been about 2 years now since I came up with the idea and if a story sticks with me this long then I feel obligated to write it. When, I don't know. I'm writing a screenplay and a short story at the same time and both projects are taking up all of my writing time. I have two more short stories scheduled to be completed in the next two months and then there's the novel I started last November that I would really like to finish. But the aging rodeo cowboy story is definitely next in line.

I am having such a strange month. Things that I've wanted for a very long time, I'm finding and at decent prices too. It's like having buying fantasies come true and it's a strange feeling.

First, I finally bought the bag that I've been wanting since January. I wanted a messenger style bag in leather, in any colour but black. I wanted a messenger bag to carry my baby laptop and a tablet when I go on my writing forays. The strap had to be long enough so I could wear it across my body, but I didn't want a boring breifcase bag. The bag also had to be stylish and not boring.

My first choice was a Coach large duffle sack bag, but I was unwilling to pay the $300 price. I started searching through tons of stores and websites for similar type bag, but I couldn't find anything that wasn't black and under $300. And believe me, I've looked everywhere.

Then last week, I went to the Coach store factory outlet in Petaluma and there was my large duffle sack in beautiful dark brown nubby leatherfor $199. I coudn't believe it. I had to buy it. And it's so damned perfect. It fulfills everything I've wanted in a bag and it was at price that was pretty darn decent, considering the bag is all leather.

Then today, I found this children's book that I've been searching the Net for since last July. I read the book as a child and I fell in love with the drawings and for whatever reason, I've been wanting to have the book. There are no pictures of the book anywhere and all I remember about the book is it had drawings of a japanese scarecrow named Joji. Well, today I struck gold and I found the book. It's called "Joji and the Dragon" by Betty Jean Lifton. The drawings of the scarecrow are so cute and I loved the story of the japanese scarecrow who was too nice and couldn't scare the crows away. In fact the crows would torture Joji and take the straw out of him and every night, at least this is what I remember, he had restuff himself with straw. Something about this scarecrow story has stayed with me all these years, although I'm not sure why.

I loved that scarecrow and I think a part of me totally relates to his story, which is an interesting thought. I felt so sorry for Joji the japanese scarecrow, but at the end of the book things always worked out for him. Maybe a part of me thinks that my life is like the poor scarecrow and that in the end, I hope it will all turn out and I'll have my happy ending. In the meantime, I have to put up with the crows, the people who torture me in my life and every night, I have to pick myself up and restuff myself with straw and love.

I'm not sure about the nice part though, since I don't think I'm all that nice, but maybe it's Joji's incompetence that I relate too. I mean, he was built to scare off the crows and he obviously can't do his job, so you could the scarecrow is incompetent, although the author of the book wrote that Joji was just too nice to do his job.

So I found the fantasy bag and bought it and I found my favorite child book and I bought it. Two buying fantasies fulfilled in two weeks. How cool is that?

I'm wondering if I need to start writing with pen and paper again. I redid my interview with the main character in my baseball story screenplay and I came out with a totally different interview. I was thinking of changing my story, thinking I needed to make my baseball player a minor league player instead of a major league player. My baseball guy wasn't coming across as a very likable character. He was too brash, too arrogant and I wasn't sure if a regular person would relate to my spoiled baseball millionaire character.

But if made my baseball guy play in the minor leagues, I would have had to take Pac Bell park out of the story and I don't want to do that. Pac Bell park was such an inspiration for my screenplay that I can't bear to take it out. I need Pac Bell park to be in the story to be a symbol for renewal, old fashioned values and that simply all baseball players started out with a parent playing catch with them in the backyard.

So, I decided to make my baseball player less brash, more of a utility player, a journeyman type of player, who has good numbers but was never a star. He's still 38 years old and he's still on the last leg of of his career, but he's batting .250 maybe .200 and he's seriously thinking about retirement. I made him more resigned, tired and older. He wants to give up the game, but baseball is the only thing he knows and if he quits at 38, what the hell else is he going to do with his life. I made him more ordinary, but I think this new characterization makes him more sympathetic to an audience.

I want him to be an everyman in a sport like baseball, which is becoming full of players who are increasingly removed from ordinary people with their arrogant attitudes and their multimillion dollar salaries. I see my baseball player as a hold out from a different era. He's never been on a team that's won a world series. He's played the sport because he was good at it, he loved it and it was better than becoming a construction worker or painter like his dad and brother.

He still has a troubled relationship with his father, which became exacerbated when he left home at 18 with his college baseball scholarship. His father supported him, pushed him into baseball early on and then when he became successful, the father started to resent his success because of his own failure in the sport. My baseball guy feels that he would have been a better player if his father had behaved differently. Doesn't every child think this? And now that his father is dying, my baseball guy has tried to make up with him, but can't cross the chasm of time and bitterness that's developed between him and his dad.

I think this story is better, closer to my original short story idea. I think in the first draft of my screenplay I got caught up in the fact that my main character played baseball. But really, the story is about a father and son struggling to resolve their differences before time runs out for them. The fact that my main character plays baseball is incidental to the story, I think. I liked the idea of my main character being a baseball player only because I see sports as one of the few ways that men and their sons bond together from a very young age. Sometimes, I think sports is the only way men bond.

I think I have to interview all the other characters in my screenplay and then I'll be ready to write. I'm still debating about writing by hand versus computer. For the interviews, writing by hand is definitely the way to go beacause I can't sensor my thoughts when I write by hand. By the time I write the screenplay, I will be following my new outline so I'm hoping writing by computer doesn't make that much of a difference. I hate writing by hand because I have really unreadable handwriting and transcribing my own work is such a pain in the wazoo. But, I'll guess I'll to wait and see what comes out when I finally sit down and start writing.

Here's the blog page for a friend of mine, who wrote this totally funny and snarky take about Lady Fest:

Lady Fest Rant.

Being snarkily funny is such an art and this guy has it down and then some.

I consider myself a feminist, but I'm not into the movement at all, ever since I had that experience in college, where I was told I couldn't be a feminist because I waxed hair off my body and wore nice expensive clothes. Like what kind of bullshit is that?

And what's so ironic is I lived the feminist's dream of power and equality with men. I was the only female in an all male finance department for a company that was trading at $80 per share on the New York Stock Exchange before the market went bad. I sat in countless meetings where I was the only female at the table surrounded by men, men who were either vice presidents or the directors, men who ran the stupid company I worked for. And I was the only chick there and I was respected, well respected. And I wasn't a mannish female. I wore totally rocking suits with thigh high skirts, silk scarves, pearls, pantyhose, heels, and I wore make up and had nice looking long hair! I was in a position of power that most men, and I think women, dream of who work in corporate America.

So all those feminists can say whatever they like about me. I lived the damned feminist power dream and I wasn't even trying to do it. I fell into it by accident, I think, because I'm kind of cute and I was damned smarter than alot of guys I worked with. Most feminists types talking about wanting to enter the sacred world of male power, but 99.9% of them couldn't hack it. Hell, I lived it for 8 years of my life. And my corporate life was never about wanting gender equality or wanting power. I was just trying to do my job and this attitude took me far, very far. I didn't rant and rave about wanting power or equality. I shut my mouth, did my job, worked hard and you know what, the power and the equality came. And if I wasn't so bored with it all, I probably could have gotten alot more of it too.

So all those feminst types can talk about wanting equality with men and power, but I dare any one of them to actually try to have it, to go for it and to see how far they actually get. My guess is not far, not even through the damned front door.

I'm like, girls, women, feminists, put your money, your life, where your mouth is and try to make it in a male dominated world and see how your philosophy, your ranting and your ravings get you!

I guess I'd feel better about Lady Fest if the actually had women there who were women with power. I mean, the Bay Area has tons of female executives, women running their own companies, women like Carly Fiorina who run or are executives at Fortune 500 or 1000 companies, women CFOs or CEO or CIOs. These are the women who are blazing the trails, are in the trenches, fighting the real war of gender equality. But Lady Fest did not. Instead most of the women there didn't have any real power and besides, what women who had any kind of power in America would be caught dead at something like Lady Fest. I mean, come on. Lady Fest is for the very naive young ones or the ones who don't have the guts to take the real male world on, so they can have a place to bitch and moan and complain. The real women who are fighting the real feminist war are out there too busy fighting to bitch and moan and rant and rave.

Lady Fest is for women who like to complain about gender equality but who do nothing to fight the war and who only make it hard for the rest of us who are actually in male dominated companies fighting for the things that these women who attended Lady Fest are complaining about. If you want to fight the war, fight it! Don't rant, rave and complain about it!

So I've been on a major sushi binge since coming back from West Virginia. I have to eat sushi at least every other day and it's such an expensive way to eat.

My favorite all you can eat japanese food restaurant, Todai, is opening a new place closer to San Francisco in August, but I don't know if I can wait that long. I could easily chow down $20-$30 worth of sushi every night easily!!! It's sick!!!

I just checked out the Todai website and they now have a place in Cupertino at Vallco Shopping Mall. I'm trying to resist the urge to go down there and stuff as much sushi into my body as is humanly possible. It's an illness, I swear.

I wonder if it's because I'm craving salt and with soy sauce, sushi is so salty and very, very tasty. On a day like this, I wish I was still living at home where raw fish is half as much as what it costs here and readily available and fresh.

With all the people bieng laid off in Sili Valley and San Francisco, the traffic on 280 is so light right now. In July, I drove to Stanford Shopping Center in Palo and it only took me half an hour. I really like shopping at Stanford, only because it's so not crowded and they have lots of stores. At Christmas, Stanford Shopping Center was a ghost town compared to Union Square or even Stonestown. You'd think with all those stores, people would totally flock there and shop. But every time I've been there, the place is totally empty.

Well, I had my sushi fill for today, but it might just be time for a trip to Todai on Saturday, just so I can stuff my face with sushi and get rid of these darn sushi cravings.

I guess I am really lucky because I have a job that pays well enough for me live pretty darn comfortably and yet doesn't suck up all my time. Sure I could be making more money but then I would mostly likely be in a job where I would have to work 60-80 hours a week, instead of my normal 40 hours. I worked for about 8 years straight like that and it was exciting but not very fun. I breathed and lived my job. I would come home at 10 pm, eat and go to sleep. I didn't have time for anything else. My only friends were the people I worked with and when I did relax, I totally overdid it. I was living from one extreme to the next.

But when I figured out there was more to life than getting a raise and promotion every year, I had to seriously think about finding a job that would still pay well but not eat up most of my time. I think I've found that, at least for now. Now that the transition wasn't difficult. During that first year, I freaked out and felt like a total corporate failure because I wasn't working 60-80 hours a week. What kind of corporate drone was I, if I wasn't living and breathing my job? But now that I'm used to it and finally appreciating the job of coming home at 6 pm, I can't imagine working those crazy work hours ever again.

I mean after all, nobody says on their death bed that they wished they had worked more hours at work. It's hard to get this concept, but it's totally true. If you don't set your life up to follow your dreams, your fantasies then on your deathbed you will be lying there and thinking about all the things you'd wish you'd done, all the fantasies and dreams you put aside because you were busy working too hard. And who wants that? How dang depressing! If I thought I'd be lying on my deathbed thinking horrible thought about what I didn't do in my life, I would kill myself today. I mean, what would be the point of living, why not get it over with now because at least I would have less regret.

This is my new mantra. Be proactive about avoiding misery now and in the future, especially on that dreaded deathbed!

So I'm reading over the interview I just typed up and I'm like, I think I did the whole exercise wrong. I don't know. Character work is so hard. I thought my guy was going to start telling me the story so I would know what to write. Instead he's like telling me that in reality, his father did die but he thinks that if I tell his story over, then his story will change as well. God, maybe I've been watching too many twilight zone episodes, outer limits or even amazing stories.

I'm thinking right now that I need a new character. I like the old Jim Reilly from my first draft better. This new Jim Reilly is bitter, too bitter. I mean, you're supposed to care about your movie character, not think he's the biggest jerk in the world. I thought I wanted my baseball character to be more like a lost soul looking for hit father. Instead he's turned out to be some hustling scumbag in the game for the chicks and the jack. I want him to be different. I want him to rediscover his love for the game of baseball through his interaction with his father, but I don't know how to get him there.

I heard on NPR today that the movie Animal House took 7 drafts before it was complete. And Animal House turned out to be such a great movie. I guess I shouldn't be complaining. I'm only on my second draft. I definitely need more character work though on Jim and the rest of the cast. It will be interesting to hear what his father, his mother, his wife, his brother, his son, his sister in law and all their kids have to say about Jim and what's going on. Especially the dad. Was the dad as mean as Jim says, or is he just looking at life through his 9 year old eyes still at age 38. He wouldn't be the first if he was.

Below is a transcript of me interviewing Jim Reilly, the baseball player in my screenplay. I was trying to do more work character work and one exercise is ask 12 questions of your character. I'm not sure I did it right. I wrote it on my computer instead of by hand. Maybe if I did it by hand, it would have been more stream of consciousness. I think I need to interview him some more, but this is what I've got so far. My questions are in parens. This was really hard to do and I felt so schizo doing it.

Interview with James "Jim" Reilly, lead character in my screenplay, Playing Catch with Dad.

1. (What's your name?) James Samuel Reilly. Most people call me Jim
2. (What is your occupation?) Professional baseball player
3. (How long have you been in your occupation?) Forever. I played little league, high school ball, got into college on a baseball scholarship, then I got drafted into a minor league team. Spent a couple seasons in the minor league before going up to my first pro team at age 25.
4. (I was interested in writing a story about a baseball player who has a dying father and your story popped into my head. Why is it so important that I tell your story as opposed to someone else's?) Because my story is important. I mean, everyone has an important to tell, but mine is exactly what you're looking for. I've had a strained relationship with my father since I was little. My old man pushed me, pushed me hard. And not only me, but my brother too. See my old man used to play the game too, but he never made to a pro team, he only played minor leagues. Then he met my mother and they got married and my mother got pregnant and that was the end of the old man's baseball career. But he never forgot it. I think he always thought in his head that if only his own father had been more supportive or maybe if only he'd never fallen in love with my mother, he would have been a great player, gone to the world series, broken a record or something. Baseball was all my father had. He didn't go to college or nothing, so when he married my mother, he did what his father did before him. He became a painter and started his own business. You know not a big business, but small time stuff. Sometimes I think if maybe my father had made some other dream in his head other than being a hot shot baseball player, he wouldn't have been so hard on my and my brother Michael.
5. (So you father was hard on you?) Oh yeah. It's like the old man was trying to make up for his own father not supporting him, so he went overboard on the support. He came to all our games, argued with our coaches. Even when we were little, he would argue with our little league coach Mr. Riordan. And it was baseball all the time. I don't even remember playing anything else. And I was a good athlete. I would have like to play other sports, maybe play some football or basketball, but my old man wouldn't hear of it. (And you resented your father for this?)
Yeah, I did. Because I'm living his dream and not my own.
6. (Did you have a dream of your own? ) I don't know. I don’t remember. It's been so long. But the point is I wasn't even allowed to have my own dreams. Everyone takes freedom for granted. The freedom to choose who you are, who you want to become, to fail or to succeed, to know that it's your dream and your vision alone and no one else's.
7. (So, why are your still angry after all these years? You're a professional ball player. You've made great money over the years. You've been a great player all your life. It sounds like your father did you a favor?)

Did he? Yeah, I guess I had a great life. But look I'm 38 this year. I'm on the last year of my career and I feel like shit. Some dream huh? To tell you the truth, I don't even like baseball. It's a stupid game. It's like I'm in this dream job and I hate it. Do you know what it's like to have done something your whole life that you hate but that you're good at and make a lot of money at? It's fucked! And you can see it in my attitude too. I'm what's known as a problem player. I've got great skills so teams hire me, but I'm a troublemaker. (how so?) I get into fights. (You mean you cause fights?) Nah, I'm not that stupid. But let's just say I’m not the friendliest guy on a team. (And that causes fights?) Yeah. Guys on the team want this togetherness team crap. It's all total bullshit of course. Guys play ball for the money like me, because if they weren't playing ball, they'd be nothing. Half the guys on any given team would be total losers if it wasn't for their baseball skills. But because they've got skills, from a very young age, they're fussed over, chicks flock to them, everyone treats them like royalty. You grow up thinking the whole world is your oyster and you're just a long for the free ride. And for what? All you gotta do is hit the ball out of the park every now and again, catch the stupid ball, and give interviews and say stupid things like you're doing it all for the team. What bullshit! If it wasn't for the money and chicks, most guys wouldn't even be playing ball.
8. (Is that why you're playing ball, for the chicks and the money?) Yeah. I've been playing the stupid game all my life. I've don't know anything else. From the time, I was able to walk my old man put a glove in my hand and told me I would be a great player one day. I mean, can you imagine your old man telling you every day of your stinking fucking life that you were going to be great one day? It sucks. And when I made a mistake, but my old man would tell me I was lazy and not living up to my potential and I was blowing my future and I was only 7 years old when I first heard this. He totally brainwashed me. Well, I showed him. I walked out on him when I left for college. He thought he was going to harass me all through college, but I left, walked out of the house and never looked back.
9. (Did you cut off contact with your whole family?) No, I still had my mother and my brother. But I haven't had said two words to my dad since I walked out.
10. (And now that he's dying? How does that make you feel?) I don't know. Part of me doesn't care. And the other part feels bad you know, like I shouldn’t be that way with him. At least that's why my shrink and my wife say. (What do you say?) I don't know. The old man pushed me so hard. I didn't need to be pushed like that. Other guys had it differently with their fathers. Their fathers encouraged them, stood by them, didn't continually tell them what failures they'd be when they make a mistake.
11. (I still don't get why your story is important for me to tell. You sound like a spoiled white guy who's taken for granted a life that most guys have fantasized about all their lives. So your story doesn't get told, so what?) Because the real story is my dad died and we never made up and I regret it to this day. This is my chance to tell the story the way I would have wanted it to go with my dad. Look my dad died and I wasn't there. I wouldn't even see him the last two years. He made me so mad, so angry. I still remember that day my mom called and told me the old man died. You know I felt nothing inside. Nothing. But when I went home for the funeral and I was staring at the old guy in the box, I realized that I wanted to tell him so many things. I wanted to thank him for teaching me about ball. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for walking out on him in high school. I wanted to tell him so many things and I couldn’t. Do you know what's that like to know that you can never tell somebody you love them because they're dead. You go to sleep at night after that and you feel so much guilt for all the things you didn't say, you wished you'd said, you wished you'd done. It weighs on you, affects your life, your family. Look, after my dad died, I went into a tailspin. I was on last year of my career, I was causing fights in the locker room. They benched me the last year of my career. I sat on the fucking bench the whole last year of my career. I mean you talk about a hell of a way to end a career. And my marriage went to hell as well. Shit, me and my wife were having problems anyway and when my dad died, things just got worse. She moved out a month after my dad died and then filed for divorce. She claimed that I was violent and that I shouldn't be allowed to see my own kid because I might harm him. I would never harm my kid Sammy. But sometimes the kid would just do things and it made me furious. But I would never seriously harm him. Anyway, it doesn't matter, I never see him or my wife anymore. The lawyers take care of everything including sending the child support checks. That bitch robbed me blind in the divorce and custody battle. My shrink says I have a lot of left over anger about my father and I would take it on my kid and my wife. Maybe she's right. (So what you do you now?) Nothing. I sit at home and drink. Don't got nothing else to do. The shrink wants me to go AA but I told her I just drink like normal guys.
12. (So you think if told your story a different way, your life would turn out differently?) Yeah, I think so. You're a storyteller. If you tell my story a different way, my life would have a different ending. (And you think if I let you make up with your father your life would turn out differently?) Yeah, I do. Look, most people never get a second chance in life. They fuck up and then they've got to live with the consequences of that fuck up for the rest of their life. With you telling my story over the way I would have liked it to happen, I get my second chance. (And how would you change your story?) I would have made up with my father on the weekend I was back in San Francisco for a a three header game that last year. I had a chance that weekend and I blew it. I went home that night, my dad and me got into a fight. I knew he was dying, hell everybody knew he was dying, but I just let it go and walked out. The next day, my father died right after my game. If I could relive that weekend again, I would have listened to Michael. I would have marched into the asshole's bedroom and had it out with him. And ask him why he pushed me so hard. Maybe if I understood why, I could forgive him. You know he threatened to pull me out of little league once when I was about 10 years old, said I wasn't working hard enough. Got mad at coach riordan and threatened him saying he would get him fired. I remember my mom crying about it the whole incident too. That whole incident with coach riordan was the start of all my anger at him. My old man was totally jerking with me and causing mom to cry and my coach to get angry. Over the years, he just got worse and worse. How my mother put up with him all these years is a mystery, but she loved him to the very end. After that time, my mom stopped coming to games too, like she lost interest in anything I did. I blame my old man for that. He made it so hard for her. By the time I was a senior in high school, I couldn’t take it anymore so I walked out. I didn't want my old man manipulating my life anymore. But now I want that second chance to make up with him. I know that if I could make up with my dad, my life would turn out so differently. (And what if it doesn't? What if it all ends up the same, even after you make up with your dad? Sometimes, life is like that you know.) I know, but I know myself. I know if I had just had it out with him that night, I know my life would have turned out differently. You won't know till you tell the story. I might surprise you. I'm not the jerk, I know I come across as. Write the story and find out.

I've been thinking about my writing process today. Berating myself at my lack of self discipline. I want to write but it's a total act of iron will for me to sit down and write for an hour every day. I mean, I do get stuff written, but only if I'm on on external kind of schedule. I really want to be able to get to the point where I can follow my own schedule, but how I do that is such a mystery to me. I'm driven but I guess I'm not driven enough.

In Stephen King's book on writing, he said he wrote about 10 pages a day and he's very regular about his writing. Joyce Carol Oates is the same way. She's totally self disciplined about her writing, writes about three books a year and has a full time job I think teaching at Princeton. Both have been writing since they were kids, so they're been writing for years. I've only been writing seriously for four years, which means I don't have the years of discipline and habits that they do. I wonder if I'll ever get this way.

I keep thinking I will one day, if I just work at it. But then another part of me just thinks I'm fighting this losing battle against my own laziness and inertia. When I do sit down to write, I really enjoy it. I read somewhere today that Joyce Carol Oates said writing is another way to tell yourself a story and I think it's true. When I write, I tell myself a story. So writing has never been a painful, pulling ideas out of thin air kind of thing for me. Writing for the most part has mostly been very enjoyable for me. But it's the discipline of doing it every day that I don't like and that's the painful, hard part; the forcing of myself to sit down and work. It's bad enough I have to do it at work to earn a paycheck, but it's another thing to do it at home when I could be doing all sorts of other things that are equally enjoyable and not such a pain.

But I have to break through this not writing every day barrier and I guess I'll keep reading and trying different techniques till I do.

I wanted to be alone today, so instead of inviting anyone to go see the Ansel Adams exhibit at Sonoma State University, I went by myself. Sometimes, I just like my own company. Sometimes, I just like to drive in my car, with the moon/sun roof open, and listen to tunes. I think it's some habit from high school I haven't lost. When I was 16 and had the family car, which instead of being thrown out it was given to me, I used to drive all around the island without going anywhere in particular. It was my favorite form of escape in high school. It still is.

Of course, now that I'm older and have money and am more cultured I guess, I drive to museums to look at art and then go outlet shopping and spend tons of money.

In the summertime, it's worth driving out of my neighborhood since I'm on the coast and it's always foggy. It's usually sunny everywhere except where I live, it seems. I love the fog but it can get depressing during the summer, when it's supposed to be warm.

I love Ansel Adams. Doesn't everybody? I was tempted to buy a poster of his or a matted picture, but I still haven't hung the pictures and poster I bought on a vacation seven years ago, so I stopped myself. Adams was such a brilliant photographer and he was self taught too. I loved what he said about art and that a photo should show the photographer's feelings about what he's seeing and not just reality. How do you take pictures like that? I wonder if you can apply the same principal to writing.

I suppose writing does have some kind of point of view if you're writing essays. But what about fiction? I'll have to think about this to see if Ansel Adams' theory fits my writing. My fictional characters do have their own particular point of view, but I don't think they necessarily show how I view the world or what I feel about the world But maybe they do. Or if they don't, they should.

Take my baseball story screenplay. I guess my main purpose in writing the story is to show that it's easy for a father and child to think they don't love each other. That events can be misinterpreted by both the father and son and then if you never talk about what's happening, your story about what happened becomes the truth of the situation. And they you go through life thinking that your point of view is how life really is. When in reality, you might have completely misinterpreted the situation. And then if you're unlucky, either the father or the child dies, then you realize too late, that you had it all wrong and there's no asking for forgiveness, because that person is dead. Then you spend your life in guilt and regret, for not talking, not speaking, not communicating and on your dying day, you say to yourself, if only I'd told so and so how I really feel and then you die with regret and guilt on your mind. Not a pleasant way to go, I think.

But my characters are lucky. I give them that second chance to rewrite their history so they don't die with longing and regret. And they are really lucky, because I think most people when they're about to die, have so much regret and guilt for things they did or didn't do. I hope I never die like this.

If I were to drop dead right now, there isn't really anything in my life that I seriously regret, have guilt about or wish I did or didn't do. But I've made it a point of not being miserable. Misery is not an option for me. Besides, being miserable is such bad karma. I mean, I think there are people who are walking around who are in their 30's and older still angry and hateful about what happened to them in high school. And I'm like why? Get over it! Everyone was miserable in high school. It's not like you were the only one. I think all that misery and hate is like bad energy and that if you don't get rid of it, it causes health problems when you're older.

I mean, it takes so much energy to be angry and to hate people. I don't think people or even one person is worth that much of my time and energy. Honestly! If I do hate someone, I try to get over it quickly. I need all my energy for me and my stuff and my habits and my goals. I'm sure as hell not going to waste it on hating someone I don't even care about and who I won't be thinking of on my death bed, unless of course, I'm on my death bed still hating them. And like the people I hate or the person I hate really gives a rat's ass that I hate them. I mean, they probably don't even remember who the hell I am. And here I am devoting a considerable amount of time and energy hating them when they don't even care. I mean who's the fool then. Hate is such stupid emotion. And it really is bad karma in more ways than one. And I repeat, no one is worth all that time and energy, no one!!!

I feel so restless today. I watch Pollock last night, because Jackson Pollock is one of my favorite painters. I think the movie captured how the great man painted and how revolutionary his painting was for his day. But boy, was he messed up in the head. The movie really showed what an mean drunk Pollock was. I mean, really mean and nasty, like a total Jekyll and Hyde kind of guy. It's too bad too because he only seemed to paint well when he was sober.

The last hour of the movie was really hard to watch because you had to watch this great artist destroy himself with his alcoholism. I mean, Pollock would drink and totally binge drink and end up, who knows how many days later, dirty and passed out in some alley. It's really sad because he died at age 44. Who know what other art ground he would have broken had he just been able to keep shit together?

I think I feel restless becaus I feel this incredible urge to shop. But every time I go shopping, I can't find anything I want to buy. Clothes look really boring to me and cheap looking. The things I really want I don't really want to spend the money on right now, like a new laptop.

All of a sudden, I have this major urge to buy a laptop. And not one of those sleeek new ones either, but a workshorse that I can take places that is 5 pounds and under. In my job in 1999/2000 I had an IBM laptop, which was such a workhorse. When I would bring the laptops on trips, I would totally abuse it and it would still work. I think I need a laptop that's veruy strong and won't crumble after lots of heavy use or being jostled around in my bag.

But I'm way too cheap and the most I think would spend is $700 or less. I saw a laptop at Costco for about $1,000 but I need to research the brand that was on sale. Ideally, I would like an IBM because, well I had one before and it worked for me. I had a Sony Vaio too but I hated the stupid mouse thing on it. The bottom of the Sony Vaio also would get really hot after two hours of battery use and it felt really flimsy. No, the IBM or maybe a Dell would work for me. I think the Costco laptop was a Compaq, but I haven't had any experience with this brand.

I don't know why I even need a laptop. My little baby laptop was great to travel with and I was able to log onto the Net without a problem. The laptop just seems attractive right now because I can't write screenplays on my baby laptop. I can't load screenwriting software unless it was built fo pocket word and no one makes software for pocket word. I can't import any macros to even write screenplays, because pocket word can't read the macros. But for eveyrthing else, like writing regular stories, the babY laptop can't be beat.

I'm think that if my company hands out the raises that were due this year in April, I'll have enought money to buy a really cheap one. If not, I'll have to wait for Christmas and hopefully laptop prices will have totally dropped by then.

I wanted to go see Reign of Fire today, but I have to go down to UPS to pick up my package. The company that I buy my vitamins decided to send my package by UPS instead of USPS, which is their normal procedure. I hate when companies switch carriers like that. It totally pissed me off because it's so much easeir fo rme to get packages via USPS then by UPS. Maybe I'll see Reign of Fire on Monday night instead.

What else? There was news on the radio that some plane was buzzing around the financial district today. How scary. I'm sure most people thought it was some crazy suicide bomber about to crash into the Transamerica pyramid or something. It turns out it was just someone taking pictures, but what kind of pictures is this guy taking. New places to bomb US?

I finally finished writing up my West Virginia trip journal. I had mostly scribbled notes in a little book to help me remember what I did and it was such a chore to go back to try to remember each day. I don't think I did a very good job, but at least I have a record of my trip. I've never kept such an extensive journal on a trip before. Most of my vacation trips just buzz by me and I never reflect or think about anything that happened to me. A trip journal is a good way to help me remember all the things I did or didn't do on vacation.

I never feel like I do enough on my vacation, but with trip I realized that I do tend to pack alot of things into my trips. If I had been travelling on my own, I would have packed more in, but since I was travelling with a friend, I coudn't impose my usual non stop on the go schedule.

I like travelling with friends since it's so much fun. But, I think I would like my next trip to be with a boyfriend. I don't know why. I just want my next trip to be with a boyfriend and I have a feeling, my wish will be fulfilled. At least, that's the plan.

My next trip though, I'm on my own. I'm off to LA in a couple of days to see the Andy Warhol exhibit. I've been wanting to take at triop to LA since last year summer and I'm finally doing it. I want to get used travelling to different cities to see art. That's what you have to do these days anyway. Most art exhibits don't travel like they used because of the expense and high insurance costs. If you want to see a good art show, you have to be willing to fly to it. I can see myself flying to New York or Boston just see art, maybe not now, but later. LA is close enough.

The last of my West Virginia Trip Journal

July 11
We took a trip into Virginia, which I found out is only an hour away, to go to the famous Jefferson Pools or Warm Springs Pools in Bath County. The pools have been around since 1761, the men’s bathhouse that is, and Thomas Jefferson supposedly bathed there. The woman’s bathhouse was built in 1836.

I didn’t think there was that much of a difference between West Virginia and Virginia but as soon as we drove over the border, the landscape changed. Virginia isn’t as mountainous as West Virginia, so the hills look a little flatter and the highways are larger.

We stopped at an antique store on the way and the differences in the prices were amazing. Antique shopping in West Virginia was so cheap compared to this place. And, instead of American antiques, this shop was full of English antiques.

It was close to lunchtime when we got to Virginia so we decided to get a quick bite to eat first. We went to some deli that was near the Homestead Resort. We were out with one of our hostess’ friend, whom we met earlier at her house next to the General Lewis Inn in Lewisburg. She said she liked the Homestead Resort and thought it was much more relaxed than the Greenbrier Resort.

The differences between the people I saw at the deli in Virginia and the kind of people I’d seen in West Virginia was like night and day. Now granted, the Homestead is one of those very expensive vacation resorts so we probably only saw people who were most likely staying there, but still. The Virginia deli women looked like ladies who lunch with perfect combed and dyed coifs, very expensive matching outfits with matching heels, and flawlessly manicure hands and feet. There was a woman wearing more gold than I’d seen in my 10 days in West Virginia.

The people in West Virginia were either back to nature hippies types or down home hillbilly types. And no one really dressed up, not even at supposedly dressy events like parties and concerts. The people in West Virginia also looked older too somehow with their lined faces and necks, like no one had ever told them about using sunscreen or getting that much needed eye tuck or facelift. The women especially, were much bigger, than the pencil thin ladies I saw at the deli in Virginia.

The Jefferson Pools ere cool. You can either wear “your suit, their suit or god’s suit.” You float around using these flotation toys and as you lie there, if you’re under a good spot, bubbles tickle your legs, your butt and slowly move over your whole body. It’s a totally weird feeling because it feels like a water bug is crawling up your leg. The pools are calm and silent and the water smells like sulphur, which is a little foul. I saw a tshirt with a picture of Thomas Jefferson on it, so I had to buy that. I mean how often do you see a shirt with Thomas Jefferson on it. Since I was swimming in the women’s bathhouse, I suppose it wasn’t the same as bathing in the same place that Thomas Jefferson bathed, but it’s the thought that counts.

Next we headed to the Homestead Resort itself, which like the Greenbrier Resort serves free tea and munchies at teatime. We found out when we got there that the Virginia Bar Association was having a meeting there, so maybe that explains all those well dressed women; lawyer’s wives.

The Homestead Resort totally freaked me out. All the serving people, except for the desk clerks at check in and a few of the valets outside were black. The whole scene felt so southern to me and I didn’t think places like this still existed, but then I’d never been to the real south either. I had never been at a hotel where all the serving people were black. It totally bothered me and it made me feel like I was back in the old south and I didn’t like it. It wasn’t like this at the Greenbrier Resort. At the Greenbrier you stood in line for tea and the munchies were laid out buffet style. At the Homestead Resort, you tea and munchies was served to you, so there was no mad rush for seconds, thirds and fourths for food.

The stores at the Homestead weren’t even that great compared to the Greenbrier. It’s like the people at the Homestead Resort had made an exact replica of the Greenbrier in West Virginia, but without the quaintness, the history and the charm. Even the burgundy and white striped shopping bags from the Homestead looked like the green and white striped bags of the Greenbrier.

July 12
We decided to check out Pioneer Days in Marlinton. Our first stop was at a book sale at the Marlinton library and I bought four books; a book on wealth, short stories that were made into movies, Alistair Cooke’s America and a civil war novel, A Stillness at Appomatox by Bruce Catton. My purchases cost me $5. Why I was buying book on my vacation is still a mystery to me, but $5 for books, two of which were hardbacks, was too good of a deal to pass up.

Our next stop was at a restaurant on the river and I had another barbeque pork sandwich. Those barbeque sandwiches in West Virginia are so delicious. I can see why my traveling companion always complained about the barbeque sandwiches in San Francisco.

Next, we went to the local flea market which was a part of the Pioneer Days activities in Marlinton. Unfortunately, the stuff was not as good as what we’d seen earlier in the week.

Pioneer Days in Marlinton was very small townish and there wasn’t much else going on, except for a frog jumping contest, a small quilt and crafts exhibit, more fair type food and freshly fried pork rinds.

On the way home, we stopped at Droop Mountain, which is one of the few civil war battle monuments in Southern Virginia. Because of West Virginia’s mountainous landscape, there weren’t many civil war battles there. The park itself had a newly built observation tower, but other than the picnic tables and benches, there wasn’t very much there.

July 13
Off to John Henry Days in Talcott. First a stop at some truck stop for a biscuit and gravy breakfast. The biscuit was great but the gravy was white and very peppery. Then at Talcott, we watched the local parade which consisted of cars by the police and fire and various Talcott groups and some people on horses. The parade participants threw out candy and I even got a free ruler to take home.

The streets of this very small town were lined with people selling their wares, which ranged from food to typical flea market stuff. I don’t know if less people are traveling since 9/11, but I heard a woman say that last year’s festival was better and better attended.

We took a walk to see Big Bend tunnel, where supposedly John Henry battled the steam drill machine. Next to Big Bend Tunnel is another tunnel, which the train now uses. Poor John Henry. All that effort and they don’t even use the tunnel anymore.

It started raining and we listened to a group playing Appalachian style music. The music was so good I even bought a CD. The band consisted of two older looking women, a man singing and playing guitar, two other really old looked dudes playing guitar and another woman playing drums. We would have stayed longer, but I couldn’t take the rain anymore.

I wished I’d finished that book John Henry Days, but I hadn’t. I guess I’ll finish it when I get back home to San Francisco.

For food, I ate my usual fair food of two corn dogs and lemonade and homemade fudge, which my friend had bought earlier

Next, we went to Hinton, Talcott’s sister city, which was bigger and much more developed. We found a railroad museum there and checked it out. They had a display of carved wooden figurines depicting John Henry and all the jobs that went into building a railroad. The display was long and almost 7 feet in length. I’d never really been on a proper railway journey.

On the way back, we stopped at a store which said it had a taxidermy museum. The place was old and full of cobwebs but probably had the best collection of stuffed real animals I’d ever seen in my life. Looking at taxidermied stuffed real animals is a trip because the animals looks so life like, except their dead and stuffed to the gills and are dusty and have cobwebs and other small items all over them.

We also made a quick stop at Bluestone Dam. I’d never seen a dam up close before. It was huge and there were men flying fishing right in front of the dam. We were trying to figure out why they were fishing so close to the dam but there was no one to ask. We speculated that it was where the fish came out in schools, but who knows.

On the way back to Trout, we stopped at the General Lewis Inn to check out the inside. It was full of antiques and looked like a nice play to stay. At $100 a night, it was probably a good deal compared to places like the Greenbrier and the Homestead. And it’s so close to really the only shopping spot in the area.

I was told that if local people want to shop, they go to Beckley, an hour away, or two hours away to either Charleston or Roanoke, Virginia.

July 14
Finally, my vacation is at end and I have to unzip my expandable suitcase to fit all my purchases in. Our host gave me a copy of Southern Living’s Best Recipes from 1996, which I was admiring earlier, so I felt ready to go home and recreate some of the good food I’d eaten while on my trip.

On the way to the airport, we stopped at Tamarack, which is advertised as having the best of West Virginia goods. Tamarack does have great stuff, but nothing to what I’d seen in other small town stores I’d been to.

I was glad to be going home. 14 days is a long time to be on vacation, especially with not that much to do. If I ever have to come this way again, I’ll definitely stay at the Greenbrier Resort. You can get a standard room for about $200 a day, which isn’t bad considering all the activities they offer. As for the Homestead Resort, I don’t see myself going back there ever again, unless circumstances take me back there.

The trip back was relatively quiet, except for a long stop in Chicago. On the plan from West Virginia to Chicago, I sat next to a woman who I found out lives in my neighborhood with her husband and family. It made me realize that no matter where I go, the world is still a very small place.

I liked West Virginia but I don’t know if I could ever live there. It’s landlocked and I could never live in a place that wasn’t near the ocean. I’m not sure if I’d even go back to visit West Virginia, but I’m glad I went.

I just read an article which said that the past week has been a weird one because the moon was in Aquarius. And I laughed because I've had a pretty good week, but then again I'm an aquarian so having the moon in Aquarius doesn't bother me at all. It's like Hello World, welcome to my life!

I guess the stock market plunging back to 1997 levels wasn't all that fun for most people. I'm afraid to think what these losses on the stock market is doing to people's retirement plans and savings. And it's not the wealthy people I worry about. The wealthy people rode out the great depression. It's the average middle income people I worry about, which is most of us. The really poor people don't care about the stock market since they probably can't afford to invest in it.

I wish I could have a conversation with my Stanford MBA boss who laughed at me when I told me that the Nasdaq couldn't sustain it's 5,000 level. He said I was crazy, that even if the market did tank, the Nasdaq would always hover around 4,000. I wonder what he thinks now that the Nasdaq has been below 2,000 for the last 1.5 years. I wonder what his explanation is for its demise.

So let's see where we are economically. Commercial real estate in San Francisco has fallen to levels not seen since 1998. Now the Dow and the Nasdaq have fallen to 1997/1998 levels. And housing costs, they're still up, but then real estate changes tend be low and always six month behing everything else. Does this mean that real estate prices in the SF Bay Area will drop to 1997/98 levels. Half the experts are saying yes and the other half is saying now.

I think real estates prices will drop, just because everything else has. Real estate cannot sustain the kinds of losses the stock market has shown us this past week.

The only good thing about the slowing economy is my that drive to work is not as crowded anymore. There are fewer people going from San Francisco to Sili Valley now. Where they've all gone, who knows?

Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm just getting too old and I just don't undertand things the way other people do. I saw another movie today on a friend's recommendation and I totally thought it was really bunky. And then I read the movie reviews, and as usual, me and the NY Times always agree. But other movie reviewers liked it, especially Salon.com. And that's typical because I completely disagree with anything that's on Salon.com anyway.

I don't know. Maybe Salon.com is a magazine for young people, gen x'ers and I'm just a little old for that generation. I just don't like social angst just to show social angst. I think social angst should have some kind of meaning, otherwise a movie about social angst just becomes some kind of self-congratulatory, over indulgent, masturbation fantasy of some typically WASP male guy. No, the world does not fricking revolve around your protagonist who's usually wasting away in some upper middle class suburb and contemplating suicide, drugs or better yet paranoid schizophrenia.

And then at the movie end doesn't revolve itself and I hate that. I mean, Salon.com talks about this guy having a vision, yeah a vision to the toilet boil maybe, after he's taken a dump. Honestly, what passes for a good movie these days is mind boggling. After watching this movie, my baseball movie to me is infinitely more entertaining than the crappy movie I just watched.

I finished half the outline for the second draft of my screenplay. It's turning out quite different from the first one and I'm a little concerned because I really liked the original story. I'm telling myself I should just go with it because the new structure makes the story stronger, I think. I made my baseball player get into a fight in the locker room and I have him in a really strained relationship with this his wife. So basically my guy is a totally typical spoiled athlete on the last year of his career and going nowhere fast. I have to have him redeem himself somehow and I'm not sure how. The whole thing about fixing his swing is gone. Now he has to fix his whole life and I have less than 30 scenes for him to do it in.

I keep telling myself it's only an outline and once I start writing, I almost never follow my outline exactly. I don't know how my baseball player guy is going to redeem himself with his dad, his team and his wife. I guess I'll find out when I finish the outline. I think I'm going to have to have him fight with his brother and then maybe have a revelation that way. I don't know. The idea just flahsed in my head.

Once I get the outline done, I can start writing and the writing will go very quickly. It's getting the outline done first that's hard. I've been trying to correct things that people didn't like about the first draft and I think that's why my story has more conflict early on and less namby pamby stuff.

Still not sure how I feel about my original story changing, but my screenwriting teacher did say to start from scratch again on the second draft and that's what I'm doing, although I do refer to my previous outline.

Me and baseball, what a combo! I wouldn't have written about it except that I can't get this story out of my head and I hate when that happens. The story won't rest and I feel compelled to write it. Why baseball as a subject for my first screenplay is one of my life's biggest mysteries since it' s not like I'm even a big fan of the game. I mean I like going to watch baseball games, but I'm not a baseball fanatic. Shouldn't a movie screenplay about a cocky aging baseball player and his dying fathers be written by someone who's a real baseball fan?

More from the West Virginia trip journal.

Day 6
We made a trip to Beartown State Park, which is located on the eastern side of Droop Mountain. The park is named Beartown because the local residents claimed that many black bears used the cave like openings in the rocks as dens to sleep in during the winter. In the park, a path takes you along these massive boulders with deep crevasses. During the winter I was told when it snows, the boulders are buried in snow.

One sad note. When we got there, a car had been broken into by thief. The locals tell us this type of incident is rare. Perhaps the realities of our strange economic times are creeping into our vacation. West Virginia is one of the poorest states in the Union. The only state poorer is Mississippi.

Next, we headed off to Watoga Park for lunch. You can rent these cute cabins and stay in what looks like magnificent woods there. The lunch place is typical road stop fare, greasy and cheap.

On the way back through a town called Hillsboro, we stopped at a couple of shops. My friend's mom used to work in a clinic in town so she knows everybody. We even ended up going to some garage sale at the back of a general store in Hillsboro. That general store surprisingly is well stocked and carried some great tourist knickknacks, stuff that I ignored thinking I would see or buy them later on in the trip. Wrong! It's one of those vacation rules. If you see something you like, buy it, because chances are you'll either never find the place or again or never have the time to be at that particular shop again.

Day 7
Our hostess's boyfriend invited us all to lunch at his house along with my friend's mom and aunt. His mom, dad and daughter will also be there. The house used to belong to someone on his mother's side and is located in Renick. Another typical West Virginia feast. Think I already wrote about it earlier. The main attraction was a sugar cured ham that was so damned salty and good. There was also some great corn pone and beans and another fabulous cake made by our by baking hostess.

On the way home, we decided to stop at a couple of grocery stores, Foodland and Kroger's. I love going to grocery stores in the towns I visit on vacation. In the grocery store, you get a good feel for how people really live and how they eat. No big revelations here except I did see some turkey deep fryers for sales, that I was tempted to buy but didn't want the hassle of lugging the thing back to California. I wanted mineral water and I was hoping they had some. I was wrong. I guess West Virginians haven't discovered the joys of mineral water yet.

There was one thing in the grocery store that I was dying to take a picture but didn't want to be rude. They had the most awesome display of jello mix like nothing I've ever seen in California, or anywhere else for that matter. The display had all the different flavors and it took up alot of space on the shelf; from the top to the bottom. People must love their jello there and god forbid they ever run out of the stuff.

Day 8
We decided to make a shopping trip into Lewisburg. It's a small town and we thought we needed only two hours, but after two hours, we only covered half the town. We became enchanted with all the antique stores and probably spent way too much time in them. In one of the stores, I bought a 30's print of a mammy giving a little boy dressed up as an indian, a spanking. It seemed amusing somehow and I thought it would look great somewhere in my apartment. The tag said the print was from the 30's but who knows what period it originated from.

At 4 pm, we headed over to our hostess' friends house, which is located right next to The General Lewis Inn. This woman's grandfather started the West Virginia State Fair so the family is very well known. We drank fuzzy navels in the hot West Virginia afternoon sitting on her porch and staring at her squirrel. The animal is a pet of sorts and has adopted her and the house. Poor squirrel. Something happened to its tail and it was gone. We watched the squirrel take apart pistachios.

Then it was off to Monday night at the movies in Lewisburg. Like any small town, an event like the movie is just an excuse to see who's sleeping with who, who's not talking to who, etc. Not that any of it interests me, but my friend was genuinely interested in all the small town machinations. Besides, there was nothing else to do in town that night. We saw The Cat's Meow, Peter Bogdonavich's retellng about what happened on some yacht where someone was killed. I think the famous people portrayed were Marion Davies who was dating William Randolph Hearst at the time and Eddie Izzard as Charlie Chaplin was divinely inspired casting.

Day 9
We decided to go the local flea market to look for cheaper priced antiques. I was not disappointed. I found a cast iron mammy. The guy even sold it to me for a dollar cheaper than it was listed. I also bought a book for one dollar, some Oprah Book Club selection, a catcher's glove the seller said was from the 50's. I'm not sure if the baseball mitt was that old, but I liked the look of it and it kept haunting me to buy it. The seller was also very nice to me so I felt obligated to buy the mitt.

The only creepy thing I did notice was the amount of swastika inspired stuff being sold. Everything from pins to hats and engraved knives. Very, very creepy. Well I guess I know where to find those skinhead types now.

Next, we headed to a restaurant for lunch called Harvest. There I had my first crab cake sandwich. I'm not a big crab cake eater but I was persuaded to try the sandwich. It was so delicious and I briefly wondered how many calories I was actually taking in.

Next stop was the Greenbriar Resort, America's Resort, in White Sulfur Springs. I'd never heard of the place before but it's supposed to be famous. Before the Civil War, the Greenbriar was where the southern aristocracy came to avoid the southern heat. The Greenbriar museum proudly displays the only picture in existence of Robert E Lee and all of his generals.

The resort is self-contained with tennis courts, a golf course, activities for children and it's own fitness/spa center. The Greenbriar even has it own set of shops on the grounds. The hotel lobby and dining room have high ceilings and beautiful carpets and furniture are everywhere.

The place must have been quite a place at one time because you can take a train from Washington DC to The Greenbriar. How convenient!

I loved the place and would love to stay there. If I ever have to go through West Virginia again, I'm definitely staying at the Greenbriar. I love the idea of a self-contained resort. It reminds me of Club Med and I always had fun at Club Med.

The Greenbriar serves free tea and cakes at 4 pm and we were there for the free munchies. My friend wanted to play backgammon and we found a table but an 11-12 year old boy is there. My friend manages to get rid of him and then we started vainly searching for backgammon pieces. The little boy comes back and says he has the dice. He seemed so eager to play, that I gave him my spot. I don't know how to play backgammon and I wasn't sure if I wanted to learn anything on my vacation. The game looks so boring to me somehow. I'm sure it's fun and I remember watching guys in college sitting around playing backgammon late at night, betting money and drinking gin and tonics.

The boy's mom and sister came over to talk to me as my friend and the little boy were so engrossed in the game. I found out that the little boy had 7 surgeries on the back on his brain to remove some growth. The kid did have some horseshoe type scar on the back of his head, but years of experience had taught me never ask about such things, unless you are prepared for the answers you will not want to hear. It was the little boy's wish to come to Greenbrir as a reward. I hope we made that poor little boy's day. The mom told me they weren't even sure at times that the kid was going to make it and he never cried or said he was afraid. The kid definitely had his act together.

When the boy's mom and I were talking, somehow the subject of 9/11 came up. It was interesting to hear her take on 9/11 since she was from Indiana. 9/11 affected so many people's lives, all the across the country I think, except of course here, in the hipper than the hippest city in the country, in the world maybe.

Day 10
My friend's aunt's birthday is on Sunday, so it was my friend and her sister decided to have a dinner party for her . Dinner was this exqusite tasting trout, which our hostess had been keeping in the freezer. We also had fresh white and yellow corn on the cob and a delicious three bean salad. And homemade wine too which was quite delicious once it was allowed to breathe or 20 minutes.

After dinner we watched Gone with the Wind since my hostess knew I 'd never seen the movie before. I was quite surprised how quickly the scenes ran and how fast paced the movie was considering it was written in the late 1930's. The visuals in the movie were stunning and it told quite a tale without a lot of dialogue and lots of action and images.

We drank moonshine that our hostess got from some local bootlegger guy who is now dead. Moonshine is weird because it’s clear like vodka and tastes like bourbon whiskey. Really bad whiskey too because the moonshine burnt my throat, my insides and my stomach. I never had a liquor do that before. I had moonshine in college but I don't ever remember it burning like that. Our hostess gave us moonshine shots the first night we were there, but maybe I was too tired to notice how the booze burnt my stomach.

I decide Ashley was a villain because he should have told Scarlett from the get go that he didn't love her and loved Melanie. But then Rhett was just as bad suggesting anything but marriage to a proper girl like Scarlett. Clark Gable was supposed to be a lot shorter than what he looks like in the movie, but you couldn't tell. And Gable had the best line of the movie when he said that the south would lose the war because it was arrogant to think that an aggrarian rural society like the south could take on the industrialized north, which was better supplied and better armed. 1 out of 4 southerners died in the Civil War and for what? For arrogance? To defend a way of life that was already changing anyway? I'm really still not sure. I think we will always live with the effects of the civil war, whether anybody understands it or not.

Wow, my blogs are back. YEAH!!! And I changed them a little bit because everything was starting to look so crowded. I'm sort of tempted to change the colours too, but that may take awhile.

Now that I've joined Blogger pro, I have spell check again which is so very nice, since it's obvious I'm not the best speller.

My spring crush still haunts me. Just when I thought I had gotten over that boy, I start daydreaming about us being together one day. My friend Francois, who was born in Paris and who read tarot cards but only the major arcana, since my crush boy is too wild for me. He's a fire sign and he does whip me up. But my rising sign is pisces, which is water, and water puts out the fire, so on some level, I don't think we're that compatible. Anyway, Francois said there is a third and better choice coming and that I should wait and that his reading was good for three months. I hope so.

Much as I think I adore my marina hottie boy, he's the type of guy that needs alot of maintenance and lots of care or he'll stray. It's kind of like high level babysitting. I heard him say he's not that needy, which may be true, but that doesn't mean he's not high maintenance, meaning that when he's in the room he's going to demand your attention and if he doesn't get it, he'll either pout, punish you or he's the type, he'll seek attention somewhere else. Talk about a stressful relationship.

I think I need someone who's not so wild and not so high maintenance. You know, easy going, but not a tshirt and jean wearing stinky, sensitive new age type of guy. SNAGs drive me insane. I would rather date a card carrying republican than a Sensitive New Age Guy, any day, and I consider myself totally one of those new agey woo woo type liberal girls. SNAGs, the ones I've seen seem so unclean, so skanky looking, like mangy dogs. And their hair, it's either way too long or greasy and uncombed. And their bodies! Hello! We live in California. SNAGs look like they've never been in the sun or played any kind of sport. And they are bony and way too thin. It's like touching or sleeping with breastless, hairy girl. And their skin! Most of them look so toxic and pimply, even the vegeterian ones. YIKES!!! And their "sensitivity" makes me ill. SNAGs, in my experience have never made good bed partners. Lots of chick dig them, but not me. I think SNAGs are regular guys in disguise who are pretending to be SNAGs because women do tend to like SNAGs, especially the one who've had bad experiences with jock types.

At least marina hottie boy was clean, well dressed except for that jeans and short sleeve shirt complete with hippie mojo necklace combo, he wore to class one night. I'm not still not sure what he meant by wearing that odd ensemble. I'm not sure what his politics were, but at least he was a jock, so he didn't act so clingy and sensitive. And he had a great body too which is an added plus, and for a guy, good hair and great haircut and skin. And he looked healthy, what a concept! And well he does yoga, so how could I not fall in love?

The only thing about SNAGs that I like is that they then tend to be huggie types, which is great if the guy is actually sort of attractive and healthy looking.

I don't mind SNAGs, I just want a cleaner version and a more jock type who's less sensitive and who watches sports on TV or in person. Most SNAGs are so not into sports, probably because most of them were nerds and got tortured by the jocks in high school.

Francois said three months and he's never wrong. He did say it could happen right away, but the prediction is good for three months. God, I'm hoping and praying. I love being in love.

My poor blog. I've lost all my archives and switching to Blogger Pro hasn't helped. I know they aren't lost but I just hate it when my blog doesn't work properly. It's so annoying!!!

So I updated to Blogger Pro because I got tired of losing my archives, but I still can't get them back. What is going on?

I saw a Chevrolet Tracker on the road today. That's the car we rented in West Virginia. It's such a gutless car! My little VW Golf could smoke that car on the freeway. It's sad too because we thought it would like the Toyota Rav4, but it had no power. Poor little car!

The stock market dive is scaring me, but I'm not the only one. My 401K is in stock, but I moved my IRA to a money market before the market dropped so I'm not losing any money. And my 401K is small enough where it really doesn't matter that I'm losing money right now. Besides it keeps buying stock at these now reduced, but not yet bargain basement prices, so when the market goes up, I'll be okay. And I do believe it will go up, I just don't know when.

And here’s a laugh,Berserkeley is offering a class on how to blog.

This is my experiment into linking. What a process! Still not sure why there's an extra space above, but at least it stopped underlining itself. I wonder what will happen when the Chron link disappears. We'll see.