I had my Wednesday night bible class tonight, and of course there was some discussion about the war for Iraq. The pastor of my church, as is right I think, is definitely anti-war. One man in class who is a war veteran is for the war, as is this lawyer whom I totally respect and admire. The lawyer guys argued very persuasively that the war on Iraq is "just war", and like a lawyer he had several bible verses to back his argument up.

The pastor of my church admitted that Iraq may very well have weapons of mass destruction and that Hussein is a bad man, but he is against all forms of war because he said "violence begets violence". He agreed that Hussein needs to be disarmed, but that the US was going about in the wrong way.

After class I just had to ask him if he was against all wars, and would he be protesting against the war to free the slaves and end slavery. The pastor said he would be. He then told me that what we all needed to think about was, would we be willing to die for our ideas like Jesus. His question made me wonder if I would be willing to die for my country. I think I would, but I think my background has much to do with decision.

First, I have family members who have died as war veterans, and military service to country is a strong tradition in my family. Secondly, I was born and grew up in Hawaii, a state whose identity is so tied into the bombing of Pearl Harbour, that I was taught from Day 1 that patriotism is everything. Veteran's Day is a big deal in Hawaii, and all the islands have a visible military presence. In high school, we studied World War 2 zealously, and we had presentations in school by people who had experienced World War 2. The internment of Japanese people in camps was a big subject, and former camp members came to class to talk about their experience.

The pastor said something interesting at the end. He told me that he hoped he'd be willing to die for what he believed, but that you never know what you're going to do until you're faced with the decision. I think he's right.

I recently bought a new pair of glasses, which cost me over $300 including a custom built sun clip and coatings, and they don't fit. In fact, they hurt. It's so frustrating because I've had to go to the optometrists office three times now, and they still can't get it adjusted. I hate this! $300 is alot of money to pay for a pair of glasses that hurts my right ears.

And one of the adjusters there was so rude to me. She's young and doesn't seem to know what she's doing, and every time she's worked on my glasses, she sighs and acts like I'm the biggest pain in the butt. And I feel like telling her, "look, it's not my fault you don't know what the hell you're doing, but I just spent over $300 on a pair of glasses and I expect to be treated at least civily".

I've been trying to adjust the glasses myself, and I'm totally wrecking my glasses, but they really hurt my right ear. After I've been wearing them for an hour, my right ear starts to burn and hurt. I didn't want to go back to the optometrist's office to get my glasses adjusted again for the fourth time, but I'm going to have to. And I should do, just to make the stupid young chick mad. I'm going to keep on going back there, even though I can only get there on Saturday because the office is in downtown San Francisco, until they fix it.

And if they can't fix it, I'm going to ask for a refund or a new pair of glasses. I've never done that before, but I'm so frustrated right now. I'm sure the eyeglass adjuster is going to make a comment about how I've wrecked my glasses, but I don't care. I'm just going to say that I tried to fix it myself, since after three adjustments your office couldn't do it.

Wow! I just hate paying what is alot of money for me, $300+ , for something that makes my ear hurt and rude treatment from hired help. This is the first time I've ever had this kind of rotten experience from my optometrist, and this is the third pair of glasses in 6 years that I've bought from them.

I think it's just the glasses. I told the woman who sold them to me that I had concerns about the glasses fitting my wide head. She told me, "don't worry, we can adjust it." I'm like "yeah right".

What a pain! I have to rearrange my whole Saturday around getting my eyeglasses adjusted, with the possibility that the rude young girl who works will have to wait on me. I hate this! I so hate this!

Sometimes, I feel like this is the story of my life. I know it's not, but it sure feels like it right now.

I was so industrious tonight. I altered a pair of Calvin Klein shorts to fit my now smaller body. I was going to take them to my dry cleaners for alteration, but I decided to try it myself. It took me about 3 hours, but it's done and it doesn't look that bad. I'm so pleased with myself. All those years of sewing classes my mother sent me too may have come in handy after all.

I have two more pairs of CK shorts to alter, and I'll probably finish them up this weekend. It's not that I can't afford to buy new shorts, it's just that these shorts are only two - three years old and they don't make shorts in this style anymore. I'm only altering clothes that I totally love and cannot replace.

I'm definitely getting a pair of pants and my capris altered as well. If the person does a good job, I'll let her tackle my wool and linen pants.

A friend who lost 50 pounds threw out all her old fattie clothes, and is slowly rebuilding her wardrobe.
I'm throwing out many of my formerly fat clothes but not all. Clothes older than two years old are thrown out, unless it's "love" item. Clothes costing more than $70 are kept only if they can be altered. Clothes with broken anything or impossible to remove stains are also tossed. Clothes that

Mostly it's my pants and shorts that are grossly oversized now, but not my tops. I did notice my favorite gray silk shirt was hanging on me over the weekend, but it wasn't that bad. The only tops I'm getting rid are the extra large sweaters, and some of the tops. I'm consistently fitting into a medium size top now, so my larges are starting look less then spectacular. Stil, they're not too bad and I can probably keep wearing them until I throw them out.

From a 3/11/2003 article on SFGATE on the anniversary of NASDAQ's all time high,

"The past three years have seen the Nasdaq lose more than 70 percent of its value and more than $4 trillion in investor wealth, closing Monday at 1,278.37."

Where did all this money go? Granted it was all paper wealth, but what about people whose retirement plans were invested in this $4 trillion that has now disappeared? And what about companies who invest some of their capital in the stock market?

So like how many times has Sharon Stone been married? She's now married to Phil Bronstein, the editor of The San Francisco Chronicle. But according to the KGO News director Greg Tantum in an interview, he used to be married to Sharon Stone. Does Sharon Stone have a thing for news guys?

I'm feeling so poorly these days that I only have the energy for the small decisions in life like whether I need to buy these shoes, Dansko Jade. Now that I've lost a bunch of weight, I can once again fit into all my skirts. Unfortunately, I now need comfortable shoes to wear with my skirts. Ever since I had the heel pain, plantar fasciitis, in both feet no less I can only wear very comfortable well built shoes. Acupuncture cured my plantar fasciitis and I don't have the heel pains anymore, but I'm afraid of it coming back. I won't go back to wearing normal heels, and I refuse to wear comfortable but ugly flat old lady shoes.

European shoes are so comfortable, and stylish as well, even though they're painfully expensive at over $100 per pair. I now own Danskos, swedish Born, german Theresia, and ECCO shoes. I'd wear american shoes if they were built better. I love Dansko shoes. There are so comfortable and so stylish, plus you can get them in heel heights of two inches which make the shoes look so mod and trendy.

Does this mean you're shallow as heck when your most pressing decision in life is trying to decide whether to buy a pair of $100+ european shoes?

But check the shoe out. Isn't it cute? Don't you think it would so cute with long skirts as well as thigh high skirts with black opaque tights? I could wear them and walk around and be so comfortable.

I decided not to go to my church retreate this weekend. I was really looking forward to attending this year, but the topic for the retreat was something like "Globalization in World: A Christian Perspective", or something like that. There's been two anti-globalization seminars at church, and I didn't know if I could sit through a weekend of anti-globalization rhetoric.

I feel so bad about not wanting to go on the retreat, but I hate the topic. It's kind of typical of my church though, because after all the church is in San Francisco and I wonder how many other churches have a "Peace and Justice Committee". I am very pro-globalization. I love that the world is coming together, being connected, becoming one. I think whether you agree with globalization or not, it's already happening.

Part of the church retreat weekend was discussion of how the different religions respond to the globalization and the influence of western modern, and modern is American culture. Islamic countries fear the influence of the West, and one could argue that terrorism is a response to the invasion of American culture.

Plus, I am cautious supporter of the President's war on Iraq. My life is stressed out enough right now, and why would I want to add to the stress by a spending the weekend having to talk about the war. I think my church is 50% for the war and 50% against, so it's not like I wouldn't find people who won't support my position, but the anti-war people are so vocal and emotional about the war.

And we stopped praying for the troops in the middle east, despite the fact that several members now have children or relatives stationed there. It's so bad karma! I mean didn't Christ say "love your neighbor as you love yourself and do unto others as you have them do unto you". That's karma, which says for every action there is an reaction or as you sow, so shall you reap. So bad karma is when you treat someone in a way you wouldn't treat yourself, only karma says there will be reaction whereas christianity says "leave it to God's justice." To me it's all the same, because karma just says there will be a reaction to any action and assumes that God will decide the reaction.

I just know if I went to the church retreat, I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing my views for fear of being shunned. It's not that the church people are bad or anything, but the Iraq issue is so emotional for some people. I never understood the republican irrational hatred of Clinton, but there's an irrational hatred of everything Bush among some of my church members.

It's too bad, but maybe all for the better. I made an appointment to see that health practitioner in Berkeley on Saturday, whom I saw last year. He really helped me with some of my health issues, and I'm hoping to ask him what I need to do so I can stop getting colds and allergies.

Then on Sunday morning, I'm going to a preview event for the new Asian Art Museum. I became a member last year, and I'm really looking forward to viewing the location before it opens to the general public. The museum has more space now, and it will be displaying objects that have never been on display before. So exciting! I just love asian art!

Sorry about not blogging. I've been under the weather lately. I don't know if it's my allergies or if I'm fighting this flu that's going around. I sneeze lots and walk around with a stuffy nose, and then blow my nose lots. IT'S AWFUL!

My favourite sports tournament, March Madness, is starting and I'm so not in the mood for it. This is not good!

Did Bush's press conference change the anti-war minds of the SF Bay Area? KGO Radio did a poll on their morning news show, and surprisingly the people who agreed with President Bush were closer to those of the rest of the nation. Is this real or were those Republican Freepers calling way too much and messing up the radio poll results?

Here's an interesting theory on why time seems to go faster as you get older, Time of our lives is going faster, ever faster.

I went to the Lenten church class on confessions, and what a trip! A man who used to be an ex-catholic monk/brother taught the class. I've seen the man before in service on Sundays, and he also attends the Wednesday night prayer service I go to before my kerygma class.

Check this out. This man was a monk brother for 25 years, used to be the principal of a catholic high school, and still gets up at 4 am every morning to pray. He says it's out of habit. The man has apparently left the catholic church, and is exploring joining my presbyterian church. I don't think he's officially joined yet, because he said he was still in the process of leaving the church. He laughed when he told us this, and said it wasn't because of a sexual abuse scandal or anything like that, and that everything was okay with his leaving the catholic church. In my mind I was thinking, "really? they'd let you go that easily?"

I mean, what a trip, to be a brother monk for 25 years and then leaving the catholic church to come my very mainstream protestant church. I am dying to ask him why he left, but I can't. It's too rude and private. But my mind is full of questions!

He's also a very good lecturer. Tonight's session was on the early history of confession in the christian church. The man definitely knows his early church history backwards and forwards. He's supposed to teach next week's class which is on the modern history of confession. I already have plans to meet a friend, and I'm disappointed I'll miss his class. He's only teaching two classes, because he teaches another class on Thursday nights. He got someone to sub for him, because he really wanted to lead the first two classes on confession. No one else in our church is probably qualified to teach the history of confession, except this ex-catholic brother monk person.

I bet in next week's class, more of this ex-monk's history will come out. Man, I am dying to know his story and to ask him questions. I can just tell from the way the man led class tonight, that he is totally and utterly spiritual and has like the biggest heart of a gold. He comes across as such a gentle soul, and really forgiving. I bet he made a great brother monk person in the catholic church.

I am do so dying to know the story of why he left. He did speak very fondly about the reformed tradition, and what a great tradition it is. Did he leave over theology? What sparked him to leave the catholic church? The whole thing boggles my mind, and my imagination is running over time.

What's interesting personally as well, is how did he find my church? What makes my church so special that this ex-catholic brother monk would consider joining us? I mean, it's not like we're the only presbyterian church in town. We're not even the biggest; we're medium sized to small.

So many questions, and I'll never get them all answered. Still, I'm happy this man has perhaps found a home in my church. It makes me happy that he feels at home where I worship.

This is how crazy gas prices are getting here in the San Francisco Bay Area. On February 20, I picked up gas at Costco at $1.76/gallon. Today March 5, about 13 days later, gas at the same station is now $1.96.

The price of gas rose $0.20 in 13 days. It's crazy! I decided that if I start paying $180 for gas every month, which is about $5/gallon, I will take the bus to work. If I add up the price of gas and my hourly rate at work, it will be cheaper to take the bus even though the trip adds 2 hours to my commute time every day.

At the rate the gas prices are going, it might not be long till it reaches $5/gallon.

For Lent, I decided to give up chocolate chip cookies. I've been on a chocolate chip cookie binge since December. I fit them into my calorie count for the day, but I'm just totally addicted to eating two freshly baked chocolate chip cookies every night. It's very strange. I've tried to wean myself off the cookies, but I can't. There's just something about eating freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that is just so heavenly to me.

If I can give up chocolate chip cookies for the six weeks of Lent, maybe the addiction will stop. I rearrange my daily eating so I can fit in the chocolate chip cookies into my calorie total. How serious is that!

I baked what was left of the package of Nestle Toll House premade cookies in my fridge last night, and ate a dozen cookies. Horrible isn't it? I stepped on the scale this morning, and gained a whole pound from my binge.

I wonder if I'll be like a friend of mine who gave up drinking for Lent, and at 12:01 am on Easter morning popped open a bottle of champagne to celebrate. Does this mean on the morning at 12:01 am on Easter morning April 20, I'll have baked a whole package of Nestle Toll House cookies and have a chocolate chip cookie feast? I can't wait!

I'm already missing my cookies. I think I'll be cranky wanky till Easter! Yikes!

There was an owl hooting outside my bathroom window this morning. The owl was so loud! Usually I hear crows cawing and it makes me happy because crows are my favorite birds, but this morning it was a noisy owl.

I looked up "owl" in my animal totem book, and the book said owls are messengers. When I was brushing my teeth, I came up a great idea to open my screenplay. The second draft opening of my screenplay has my baseball player dude guy getting into a tax in front of Pac Bell Park, and we see the taxi taking him from the high rise luxury of downtown San Francisco and the South of Market to the lower to middle class neighbourhood of the Outer Sunset. I wanted to show the difference between my baseball player dude's professional world and his family's world. Plus, I thought it would be so cool to have the opening credits rolling over scenic shots of San Francisco.

Originally, I had a voiceover as my opening scene. I love voiceovers in movies. So what if it's overdone and overplayed, it's a tried and true Hollywood storytelling device. American Beauty had a Kevin Spacey doing a voice over, and The Quiet American has Michael Caine doing a nice voiceover. A voiceover sets the mood and tone for the movie, gives you background information, and tells you right off what the main character is thinking.

My screenwriting teacher suggested that I take it out, saying that voiceovers were so overdone. Well, they're overdone because they work. Reluctantly I agreed, but only because I didn't want to fight with her on my opening scene.

I love how the movie "About Schmidt" opened. We see Jack Nicholson's character sitting in his empty highrise office, with all his stuff boxed up, and just waiting for the clock to get to 5 pm. It's a great metaphor for Nicholson's character thinking that life will begin again for him after retirement. The movie then goes on expose the lie of Nicholson's view.

This is my new idea for the opening for my movie. I’ll have the baseball player dude talk to the cab driver. Like maybe the cab driver recognizes him and says he was a famous local player. And then at the end of the conversation, the cab driver says something like the more things change, the more things stay the same” or something like the “the sunset never changes – it’s stuck in a time warp”.

The conversation with the cab driver will give the audience background on the player, and the last line once I figure it out, will set the tone for the movie. I think I like the cab driver guy saying "them frenchies think the more things change, the more they stay the same. Maybe they've got a point. The Sunset hasn't changed since you left it".

The rest of my movie will then explore whether the cab driver was right. Does your relationship with your parents change after you've left home and made a name for yourself? Or do you get stuck in a time warp once you enter your parents' house, and you replay over and over again the same fights you had with them as a child, only now you're an adult. And, if you take the question out wider can you escape your past, your roots, your socializations, can you forge a new life and identity for yourself once you leave home, or are you bound to end up like your parents no matter how hard you try. I mean, ending up like your parents is fine if they're great parents, but what if you had totally dysfunctional parents? Are you doomed to be as dysfunctional as your parents?

How Nathaniel Hawthorne huh? How biblical! The theme of the sins of the parents being passed down to the children from generation to generation. And will there be a "christ figure" in my screenplay, who will stop the cycle of sin and destruction, and lead the baseball player dude to redemption and a new life?

How Easter and Lenten of me. Well it is Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras, the last call" before the expected reflection and abstinence of the Christian Lenten season.

It's interesting listening to the reasons why potential marriage partners on "Married by America" are being rejected the friends and family of the participants. I've heard some of these reasons before from boyfriends who broke up with me.

Some boyfriends have told me that I was too into my "career" and had too many outside interests like writing, and that they were afraid I would always be second in their life. They were right about this one, and I've had to really look at this one honestly.

Some boyfriends have said that I was too much into personal transformation and always changing, and that they were afraid that one day I would change so much that I would leave them. These guys were obviously too insecure to be with me. I'm very independent and into personal and spiritual growth, and some guys aren't into women with these traits.

A couple of guys said that they thought I might be smarter than they were, and they didn't know if they could be with someone who was smarter than they were. I never had guys say this to me, and although I was extremely flattered it freaked me out at the same time. I've decided that I could never be with someone who I didn't think was smarter than me. It would just be too strange and awful. I like guys who are very intelligent, and quick on the uptake. I dumped a guy once when he told me my conversations were too deep for him. It was hard to do, because frankly the man was playgirl gorgeous but talk about "dumb blonde". I just couldn't handle it, and when he got whiny that was it.

I'm bad. I'm watching "Married by America, but I can't help it. I'm finally doing my taxes, and I have the TV on as background. The show is so funny. They asked a group of the suitor guys about sexual appetite, and one guy just blurted out "that he's hungry, like he's at an all you can eat buffet". And the next guy afterwards said that he was "hungry too, and would do things like tear the wife's clothes off at the door." These guys are so funny! Cute as heck too.

I like the fact that they have roommates, friends, and or family choosing the person these people are supposed to marry. I mean, your friends and family should have your best interests at heart right?

I went to a screenplay reading by a friend from myscreenwriting class on Saturday. My friend worked really hard on his screenplay, and I know rewrote the thing 3 or 4 times and even went to two scene by scene intensive classes. But sadly, the new reworked screenplay from what I could tell wasn't that much different from the first draft I read.

I don't know. I'm freaked. I knew my friend had been really very hard on his screenplay, so I guess I expected to see a really improved verison. Instead it was more of the same. I know the written second draft of my screenplay is radically different from the first version, so I guess I expected the same thing to happen to my friend.

It must be such a bummer to have worked that hard, and still not have it your writing be any better. I think of how much work I've put into my screenplay. I write about 10 outlines before I even start writing, because it's so hard to get the plot just right. If I count the outlines I've written, which take 1-3 hours to write each, I'm on something like draft # 20. That's a heck of a lot of drafts.

I'm starting to freak out again about the strange concept called "talent". Do I have it? Does it matter? Everyone all my life who has read anything I've ever written said I have some talent, bad grammar but some talent. Like what does "some talent" mean? And when do you start admitting to yourself that you just don't have what it takes to make it, and that maybe writing is in the genes.

Like take weight. I'm never going to be model thin ever. I don't have the genes for that. I have the kind of genes where keeping my weight at a healthy level is always going to be a struggle.. I'm always going to have to be disciplined about what I eat and how much I exercise, but I have two sisters who don't watch what they eat and don't exercise and have never been above a size 4. Like what's up with that?

My poor screenwriting friend. I received an email from him this morning thanking everybody for attending the reading. He admitted he was disappointed, because he honestly thought he had a finished product. I can't believe he thought he had a finished product, and I have to wonder about the people in screenwriting group who may have told him he had a good product. Like what is up what the people in the screenwriting group? It makes me wonder if having other people read you work is even worth it.

Stephen King in his book "On Writing", that you should just have a few trusted friends read your work and that writing classes and workshops aren't really that useful. Is he right? I trust my long time writing group, but I don't know if I trust anyone else except my screenwriting and acting teacher to read my work.

Writing is such a mystery. You'd think it would be easy. but it's not. Talent is so subjective and fickle. I'm starting to wonder if it's really all worth it.

I was going through my papers, when I found a bone density report I had done at a health fair. My mom has osteoperosis, and broke her hip falling out of a chair a few years ago. The whole incident freaked me out, so when I saw the booth at the health fair offering bone density screenings I went for it.

For the bone density test, I lay down and went through a machine and had a dexa test. The test scans your body and measure your bones, as well as your body mass and your percentage of body fat. The report recommends what your weight and body fat should be, and then how many calories to eat to lose weight without losing your lean mass, and how many calories to eat to preserve your weight.

What's interesting is that the report recommends that my body weight should be 149.9 pounds or 27% body fat, and this is the weight I've been plateauing on for the last 6 weeks. According to my bone density report, I'm at the perfect weight.

The report also show what my body fat percentage will be at different weight. My goal weight was to weigh 130 pounds, but at that weight my body fat percentage will be 17%. All the health guidlines I've read say that a female should not go below 18% body fat, because there might be serious health consequences.

So now I'm like thinking, my weight plateauing because 149 pounds is comfortable for my body, and if I want to weigh less I'm going to have to fight my body. But I really want to lose more weight, because my tummy is still fat and I still have fat on my hips and thighs. Am if fighting nature at this point and is it worth it?

To have a 20% body fat percentage, I would need to weigh 136.8 pounds. I would need to lose 12 more pounds to have a boy fat percentage of 20%. The minimum body fat percentage I should have is 18%, which means I'd have to weigh 134 pounds. So my new weight goal is 134 pounds, which means I now need to lose 15 pounds. I don't know if trying to get to an 18% body fat percentage is going to work for me, but I'm curious to know what I would look like at that weight.

The bone density report recommended that I eat 1313 calories per day to lose weight. Anything less than amount will cause me to go into starvation, or so says the report. The figure is based on my lean body mass of 109.5 pounds multiplied by 12.0 So my new calorie average total until I lose the weight is 1313. I've never had a weekly calorie average that low before, and I'm not even sure if I can do it.

Rock star guy was very complimentary on my weight loss and new look, but then spoiled it for me by saying my jeans were too loose, and couldn't I buy tighter jeans. Men! I know rock star guy meant well, and probably just likes the look of a girl in a skin tight pair of jeans. I told him the jeans fit my hips, but were just loose on the thighs. Rock star smiled and said "thin thighs were a good thing." And I'm like "whatever".

It's probably not a good thing, when your city's police chief and other top commanders in the force are indicted in a lawsuit by a grand jury and will shortly be arrested, SFPD Chief Sanders, Asst. Chief Fagan Indicted Plot To Obstruct Justice Charged.

I'm sure newspapers around the country and the world will have a field day with this one. I can hear the steak fajita jokes in the city of the fruits and nuts starting.

SF Bay Area Politics is strange. There was a survey which said that 41% of the SF Bay Area agree with President Bush and the push for war with Iraq. In San Francisco the number drops to 25%. Nationally, about 63% of the american people agree with President Bush.

From SFGATE.com
<"While a 52 percent majority of Californians supports the plan to take military action against Saddam Hussein, that percentage rises in the Central Valley and north-state regions to 63 percent and falls to 53 percent in Southern California and just 41 percent in the Bay Area.

Binder said researchers, for the first time, also broke down support within three subdivisions of the Bay Area region and found further disparities: In "core'' counties such as San Francisco, Alameda and Marin, backing for a possible war effort stands at 25 percent, while toward the south in San Mateo and Santa Clara counties the numbers add up to 39 percent and outlying counties such as Contra Costa, Napa, Solano and Sonoma registered the highest level of all with 54 percent. >

But when it comes to the disrespecting the flag, now that's another issue.

KGO AM radio ran a poll yesterday morning on whether its listeners agreed or disagreed with Toni Smith, the Manhattanville female basketball player who turns her back on the american flag during the playing of the national anthem. About 60-70% of the KGO listeners, or two to one callers, voted that they disagreed with Toni Smith's behaviour.