I've spent the last two days at work redoing an analysis I did. My boss said that something was off in my methodology, and I told him I'd already checked it, but to reassure him I said I'd go over everything again. Sure enough, I think he was right although my program was still running when I left work and I won't find out till tomorrow.

I was dealing with a file with 2 million rows, and it was hard to work with because of its size. I decided to filter the data earlier instead of later, so my table would be smaller. The early filter skewed the results. I could have sworn though that I took the early filter off and reran the data last week, and the results were the same, but I got a different result today. I won't find out for sure till tomorrow though.

Because of the new computer, I'm two days behind in my word count. I'm current as of Monday, and to be two days behind is not that bad.

I have a ring of elfin power in the story, and it's turning out to quite interesting. Here's a taste of it. Please excuse the shitty first draftiness of what you're going to read below.

***************
Mother was lying. I knew it and I attributed the ring's heat as an indication that told me Mother was not telling the truth. But would she lie to me? To this day, I do not know what possessed Mother to lie to me like that. When I was able to question her before her death, she just smiled and said she didn't want to worry me with her fears.

The days for me are long for now. I am alone as everyone I know is dead. Mother's reluctance to tell me what her fears her is an issue that I cannot help but ponder over and over. The only conclusion that I have come to which makes the most sense, and which scares me still, is the strange blue ring was already starting to influence the people around me, without me or anyone else knowing it.

I still wear the ring. Now that everyone is dead, I do not see harm in wearing it since it can longer influence anyone nor can I use my powers for anything other than taking care of tired and broken body.

Mother was right to be afraid of the power of the ring. In her wisdom as a healer, she saw intuitively that the incredible power the ring offered would not just stop at herself, but would exert its power and influence over other people as well. I wish I had Mother's wisdom when I was her age.

But I was foolish, and the ring fed into my desire for power, and to avenge the family honour. The ring also fed into my hatred of Cashani, and used it against me.

That such a beautiful thing could be so deadly still amazes me. But what is still amazing is that there are no family legends about the absolute power of the ring. As Mother reminded me on her death bed, the family histories and legends were often written by the head priestesses in our family. I am sure that the power of the ring would not allow its wearer to disclose its power. So I went blindly into my destiny, and I cannot help but think how different things would have come out were it not for my ambition, my lust for power, and strange blue stone elfin ring.
*******************************

I saw Gerhard Richter's painting retrospective at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art on Saturday. Gerhard is a german painter, and the exhibit showed thirty years of his paintings. Richter was an interesting painter. The man can definitely paint, and there two portraits, one of his wife and his daugher, that looked like photographs. His brushstroke work was amazing and very, very fine. When I looked closely at these paintings, I was amazed at how Richter achieved such fineness in his strokes. The rest of the Richter's paintings are abstract, and I could see how Richter was trying to explore the medium of paint. There was even a set of painting sthat was commissioned by the Vatican to depict St Francis of Assisi, that was on exhibit because the Vatican thought the five paintings were too abstract.

Richter often painted over canvases first, and then repainted them over and over again, and sometimes scraping off the paint. There was set of paintings from 1999 which exemplified this technique of Richter's. It was my favorite part of the exhibit, only because I did that witih my collages. I used to make collages, and sometmes I would take either a knife or scissors and just slash the collage up. It was a violent act, but I just felt the urge to do it especially for the more disturbing of my collages.

As a side note, there was guy walking around SFMOMA who looked exactly like Weird Al Yankovic. I didn't think it was him, but I kept seeing him. When I went into the SFMOMA store, I heard the clerks talking about meeting him and how he was here in San Francisco for some animation festival. I was right, it was him, and I was sort of tempted to go up to him and say "you're that guy who does all the songs spoofs aren't you?" But I didn't. That's so rude. Weird Al is very thin in person, and really does have longish very curly brown hair, and he really does look like he does in his videos.

I finished updating everything on my PC last night, except for a free printing program that came with my printer and a free graphics software program an Aussie coworker gave me in 1999. I decided to name my PC, just to give it a name. I named my care Siegfreid or Sieggy for short, because my VW Golf reminds me of german husky boy.

I've named my PC, Clive Lord PerCy, because my computer is my lord and master. Wasn't Percy the name of the Scarlet Pimpernel? I loved the Scarlet Pimpernel movies on A&E.

I found my screenplay last night, but it was bittersweet. I'm glad that I was able to retrieve it, but the last three critical scenes that I was working on right before my PC crashed weren't saved. I'll have to check if the program has ten minutes saves.

I still have to upgrade the virus software. I installed my old one, even though a message keeps popping that it might not work properly. I think I'm okay for awhile as long as I don't upload any files from a disk into my computer. My ISP screens my mail for viruses, so thankfully I'm protected from email viruses at least.

I'm listening to Amadeus, the soundtrack from the movie. I loved this movie, especially the music. I loved how Tom Hulce potrayed Mozart as hearing complete finished musical pieces in his head, and how he never made corrections on his music. I wish my writing could be like that. I also have Immortal Beloved, a movie about Beethoven's life, which I also love.

I love the character of Salieri. I think that every writer, composer, any kind of artist runs into many Salieris in their life. Art is a weird thing. It's sort of like money and food. One either has it and then some, or one does not, and there doesn't seem to be very few inbetweens. And what's sad is, the ones who don't have it often have the unfortunate gift of recognizing when others really do have "it". I think what is also the case, is the artist who has it, doesn't know they have it, and are constantly plagued by doubts and insecurities no matter how much money or fame may come their way.

I think everyone has talents, some definitely more than others, and then others, it's like it's their destiny or something that they are going to reach the pinnacles of their profession. Mozart definitely was one of those who was born with it, and seemed destined for greatness. I think of the Beatles in the same way. Musical Genuises.

I think I picked up the flu bug that everyone seems to be coming down with lately. I woke up, and my throat was all scratchy and I felt blah. I called in sick at work, which is just as well, since I can now spend the whole upgrading my computer.

I figured out last night that I probably didn't have to go through all the trouble of uninstalling IE6, just so I could keep my bookmarks. I could have probably just copied them, but that's not what the support pages would have you believe. There is so much disinformation on the Net about computers, it's amazing.

I installed Outlook 2000, and imported my old .pst files from Outlook 98. The support pages basically say you can't do that, but I did it. That's when I figured out I could have just copied my bookmarks. So I probably wasted two hours last night downloading "stuff" from the Windows Update. Oh well, live and learn. I should have just listened to my instincts.

After two hours this morning, I finally got my old scanner to work. I found some website called www.driverguide.com. It's database for all kinds of drivers. It took three tries, and four downloads of different files, but I finall got the thing to work. I have an old Optrox Photomaker 6E scanner.

I can't get my virus software or my fax software to work, both products of Symantec, who got smart and went the Microsoft way and started making their products obsolete so you're forced to upgrade and spend money.

Supposedly, Windows Office 2000 comes with some kind of Symantec fax software that you can use, so I must hold off on upgrading my Winfax Pro 9.0. My ISP now automatically scans emails for viruses, which is nice, but I think I still need to upgrade my virus software. I had McAfee for while, and there was this program called Guard Dog which I really liked. I think it was a simple prototype for personal firewall. I like having a personal firewall, and am debating whether I need to spend another $50 for a new personal firewall software and new virus software.

Now I know why people hate upgrading their pcs, and why businesses loathe it. Once you upgrade the operating system, everything else needs to be upgraded.

I wonder if I can donate all my now so obsolete software to some charity and get a tax write-off?

Woohooo! I picked up the new computer today, and everything is working. I'm bad though. I wanted to export my Favorites and Cookies from Internet Explorer, but the new machine has version 6, and I had version 5

I checked on the Microsoft Knowledge base, and I found a sheet that said I could uninstall Explorer 6, if I uninstalled Windows 2000 service 3 pack 3. So I did that, and like magic, I was able to unistall version 6. I copied my Favorites internet shortcuts and cookies from my old drive, which is now a secondary drive on my new computer, and pasted them into my new drive.

It worked, so I tested a few shortcuts and they worked. Then I exported all my Favorites and cookie into a file, and now all I have to do is reinstall Explorer 6 and Windows 2000 service pack 3, and I'm back in business.

I love all those support documents on Microsoft's support page, that says I can't do stuff like this and I do them anyway and they work. Now my only thought is, I wonder if I had just copied my Favorites and Cookies, would they have worked in IE6 without having to do all the uninstalling? The Microsoft support pages said that internet shortcuts in IE5 might not work in IE6, but how much can you trust those support pages. I'll never know. I'm probably going to be spending the rest of the night dowloading and reloading all my software.

I have to tackle moving my mail next. I'm sure that will be quite an experience too.

One thing. I had a bootleg copy of Microsoft Plus, and I miss my sounds, my pointers, and my icons. I think I might have to buy Microsoft Plus for Windows 2000 to get them back.

I'm half way through Nanowrimo and I've written 25,085 words. It has really been slow going, and I have ahd to force myself to write so I can make my word count. The story is really becoming interesting, and it's fascinating to see what's coming out.

It's an odd story because I'm having the main character tell it after it's already happening. This allows my main character to comment on her actions as she's telling the story, and to have regrets that she made certain decisions, but having to admit at the end that even in hindsight her actions made perfect sense at the time. I like a character who wishes things were different, and saying if only I'd known maybe my life would be different, but then having to admit that they'd do it all over again or that circumstances were such that they were forced to make that decision. A friend of mine thinks this is a depressing view of humanity, but I think it's realistic. I think if there was such a thing as second chances, most people would commit the same mistake over and over again. It's human nature.

I saw "Lackawanna Blues" at ACT last night. It's basically a one-man performance, with a guitarist to accompany him. The play was performed by Ruben Santiago-Hudson, with Bill Sims, Jr. on guitar. The performance was amazing! At the end, he received a standing ovation. It's hard for one person to be that entertaining for a long period of time, but Santiago-Hudson's storytelling skills were amazing. Having done a five minute story telling performance myself, I can tell you that it's the most difficult thing for an actor to do. The focus is all on you, and you're doing all the voices, and you have to be constantly be in high energy, otherwise you'd never get through the performance.

I saw Santiago-Hudson in August Wilson's "Seven Guitars" at ACT a few years ago, and when the production went to Broadway, Santiago-Hudson won a Tony award for his performance in the play.

L-Blues is the true story of his surrogate mother Miss Rachel "Nanny" Crosby, and it's a revealing look at a slice of African-American history in the Great Lakes region during the 50's and 60's. There is so much about African-American history that I don't know, that I don't think they teach in school, that I'm finding out through plays like his.

I decided I needed to do a juice cleanse starting today because I've been eating chocolate like a fiend since Halloween. The chocolate binge has not been great for my weight loss, and I've gained about 2.5 pounds since November 2. I'm a little freaked out about the whole thing, but it's been eye opening to see how much I really eat if I'm not keeping track.

I think the cleanse will get me back on track, and hopefully rid me of my chocolate binge. God, I love chocolate and I think I can still eat it, just not in the huge amounts I've been eating it since Halloween. Of course, it doesn't help that everyone at work brought their leftover candy to the office and I have absolutely no self control when it comes to free candy. Thankfully, the candy is now all gone, thanks in part to me.

A friend of mine says it's a mistake to try to eat right during the holidays She's given up herself starting right before Halloween. I told her I could handle it, but I'm starting to wonder. I saw an add for eggnog, and I'm addicted to eggnog. I only drink it at Christmas time, but last year I drank about a gallon a week until they stopped selling it in the store.

I'll have to figure out a way how I can drink eggnog, and still stick to my eating plan. I know there has to be a way.

I really want to see the movie "8 Mile" with Eminem. The reviews have been fantastic, and the critics are raving. I love the song from the movie, "Lose Yourself". When I listen to that song, I feel like I know what he means when says you only have one chance to make it and you have to lose yourself in the music. I feel the same way about my writing.

The kid has a gift for words and rhyme that is incredible. His song lyrics are controversial, but art is supposed to sometimes freak you out. Art brings out what is hidden in society, and it's not like Eminem is rapping about anything new. We all know people who have the same attitudes that Eminem has in his songs. The PC people want him banned, as if banning Eminem and sweeping him and his music and his attitudes under the rug is going to make the controversial issues he writes about go away. I think it's better that the controversial issues are out there front and center, so we as a society can look at them, talk about them, and maybe find a way to solve them or change them if we want. My attitude is controversial and so not PC, but I don't care. It's just my own personal opinion after all.

I'm trying to decide if I need to see more operas. The SF Opera is performing "Hansel and Gretel", which they haven't done since the 1930's. This version I think was done recently in Chicago, and is supposed to be a darker tale. H&G was one of my favorite fairy tales when I was a child.

SF Opera is also doing Handel's "Alcina". I really love Handel's music, and didn't know he wrote any operas. The flyer says it's a "baroque masterpiece", and I sort of like baroque type music.

Opera is so expensive, even the cheapie up in the rafter seats. And with Christmas coming up, I know my budget will be stretched. I've tried making a budget for Christmas in the past, but I always overshoot the amount big time.

I love opera so much! It's so cool and the music is so great! Maybe next year I'll get subscription, which I think in the long run is cheaper. I love the story lines in opera as well, and find them very educational for how to create a tight plot structure. These opera stories have been told for years, and people never get tired of them since they are so universal.

So being bitchy and whiny sometimes does really work. I called CompUSA to find out about the progress on my new PC, only to find out that the tech who is supposed to build my computer didn't get the order till today. I put the order in on Friday, and I was a little put out at finding this piece of information out. Okay, I admit I was damned pissed as hell. So I'm trying to hold my temper with the poor tech guy, and he's profusely apologizing and trying to calm my whiny, bitchy self down. My mother is the ultimate whiny bitchy princess chick, so I've had terrific training.

The poor tech guy then says that for my trouble, he'll upgrade my 1.6 gig chip to 1.7 gig, and he'll also give me a faster hard drive for my trouble. I guess I should be happy, because hey - you can't knock faster equipment, but still. I now won't get my computer till Sunday afternoon.

The tech guy said something about Friday night, but he said he would have to rush to get it done. So I'm like, no way, I don't want any more mess ups. I told him I'd pick it up Sunday afternoon so he didn't have to rush, and he could make sure that my new PC is in perfect running condition when I come and get it.

Man, I hate to pull the whiny bitchy routine but if I don't do it, I never get the results I want. But when I act like a screaming crazy banshee I get my stuff and I get an upgrade. Go figure!

Books and Authors referenced by Russell Targ and Jane Katra. I'm adding them to my reading list.

Ingo Swann – any book
Carl Jung – Dreams, Memories and Reflections
Herodotus - The Oracle of Delphi
The Vedas
The Patanjali Sutras – Isherwood translation
The EPR Effect – Einstein, Podolsky, & Rosen 1935 - the theory of non-locality
Larry Dossey
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Victor Frankel – Man’s Search for Meaning
Carl Sagan – The Demon Haunted World
Longchen Rabjam (Longchempa) – Dzogchen Buddhism
Joe McMoneagle
Ian Stevenson
FW Meyers
Father Thomas Keating

I think I'll start on Herodotus first. I haven't read him in a long time.

My programs took forever to run today, so I had some down time. I'm now caught up in my Nanowrimo story, and my word count is at 20,132 words. YEAH! I'm back on the word count schedule for now. I have to keep up, because knowing me, it would be so, so easy to fall behind.

Maybe I should be happy our servers and systems at work are so darn slow!

One person from San Francisco has already finished Nanowrimo, and wrote 50K words. This person must not work for a living or something, because that's alot of writing to do in lesss than 15 days. Even if I try to write all day on the weekend, I can only write so many pages before I get burnt out. I really admire that person's amazing productivity.

I just read a Tolkien fan fiction story. It was so strange. I have never felt the urge to write fan fiction. Why would I want to make up a section for someone else's story, when I could write my own story? But that's just me.

Fan fiction is so interesting because you have to really know the characters from the story inside and out, to write a totally made up story about them. There's never been a fictional character who has inspired me enough to want to ever write fan fiction. I think fan fiction is a strange thing, but I do admire the people who do it. Some of them are terrific writers and have incredible imaginations.

I wrote all night last night and was almost caught up for Monday's word count, but then sleep overcame me and I went to bed. I'll be caught up by tonight, and I'm happy about that.

The story is kind of going all over the place right now, but I think that's okay. It's just a shitty first draft after all.

The weekend was so hectic and tiring, that I'm now two days behind in my word count for my novel. YIKES!!! I'm really going to have to sit down and write like a fiend these next few days to get caught up. They're still builidng my new computer, and I probably won't get it til Wednesday, so I'm still typing my baby laptop. I shouldn't whine so, at least I'm not handwriting my novel.

The seminar on Sunday by Sean David Morton was quite good. I learned more Tibetan meditation techniques and now have a new book called "The Tibetan Tradition of Mental Development" by the Dalai Lama. I was able to do a yoga position called "the wheel or upward bow pose or backbend" that I haven't able to do in a long time. You lie on your back and lift yourself up by your hands and your feet till you look like wheel basically. I was happy that I finally felt I had enough strength in my arms to do this position.

There were other things I learned in the seminar, and I may write about them one day.

Other things I did. I rented three movies to relax myself and saw: Blade, The Virgin Suicides and Hollywood Ending. I loved The Virgin Suicides. I thought Blade was a fun and modern twist on the vampire legend, and there were parts of Woody Allen's Hollywood Ending that were quite funny. Treat Williams was great as a movie mogul in the movie. Woody was his usual whiny self, and god sometimes that whine is just so boring. I loved Tea Leoni's clothes but thought she wasn't quite up to par for the movie, as say Helen Hunt. Leoni was almost too serious for the movie, and should have probably played it more tongue in cheek like Treat Williams.

I need to read the book The Virgin Suicides. What a strange and beautiful movie. I loved the 70's soundtrack and Josh Harnett, was like HOT!!! as a 70's stud complete with puka shell necklace, fuzzy 70's rock star long hair and a velvet tux. I never thought of Josh Hartnett as very good looking until I saw him swaggering down the halls in The Virgin Suicides. YOWSA!!! He'd turn my head double time if he was walking down the street. I think I'd be like women in the movie, and follow that boy with my tongue hanging out of my mouth. He was so darn cute and sexy!!! Hartnett looked almost too clean in his previous movies, even for my tastes, but in The Virgin Suicides he was a mouth watering treat! He was almost as hot as Vin Diesel, but in a completely different way.

What's weird is I kind of understood in a strange way, how the girls could kill themselves. I was disturbed that I could sympathize with the girls wanting to kill themselves, but being a teenage girl is the weirdest thing in the whole wide world. At least that's my memory of those years.

I think Sophia Coppola as a first time film director and screewriter adapter did a fantastic job. I wish my own screenplay was as visually expressive as hers was. I definitely could learn a thing or two from her.

Blogging via email. Written on Saturday November 9 at around 8pm, but this post won't show up till sometime on Sunday.

I'm listening to my new cd, Edgar Meyer - Bach Unaccomopanied Cello Suites 1, 2 & 5, performed on double bass. The music is beautiful, sublime, and heavenly. The cello sounds so melancholy and plaintive and it suits my mood right now.

I just came from a seminar called "Remote Viewing and Spiritual Healing, Experiencing Expanded Awareness." The seminar was taught by Russell Targ and Jane Katra, who cowrote the books, "Miracles of the Mind: Experiencing Non Local Consciousness and Spiritual Healing" and "The Heart of the Mind: How to Experience God without Belief".

Russell Targ was great. Targ is a physicist so his part of the seminar was like a mini-lecture on physics and religion. We learned about the EPR effect (Albert Einstein, Podolsky, Rosen 1935) or non-locality , quantum mechanics, Ingo Swann, the Bhagavad Gita, the Patanjali Sutras, and Dzogchen Buddhism. Here's what his bio says. He's a physicist and author who was the pioneer in the develoment of the laser and its applications; and co-founder of the Stanford Research Institute's investigation into pyschic abilities in the 1970's and 1980's (x-files type stuff). Targ recently retired from his position as a senior staff scientist at Lockheed Martin, where he developed airborne laser systems for the detection of wind shear.

I never took physics in hig hschool my senior year, and took art instead, but I understood everything Targ talked out. He made physics sound so interesting, that I think I might try and take a physics in the spring if I can find one.

Jane Katra (from her bio) holds a doctorate in health education, and has been a spiritual healer for mor than 25 years. She taught nutrition and health classes at the University of Oregon. Jane was also very good, and I got the feeling that she's a true mission worker. I read somewhere that about 1% of the world's population is on mission from god, and she's definitely one of them. She talked a lot about Christ's healing miracles and the Holy Spirit, and we did a long healing session in class and then we all got to go up to her and have individual healings. I'm not sure if I felt anything, but I know it all helps in some way.

The Showtime Cable people came in at the end and were filming the Q&A session for some documentary, so I may show up on Showtime one day. It's too bad I don't get Showtime, because I'd love to see what Showtime says about all this stuff. I love learning about stuf like this. It's so strange and I think very cutting edge, and I love learning about the new and in things, although Targ said that healings and remote viewing (think Oracle of Delphi) have been around for thousands of years.

No time to blog today, and over the weekend I'll be in seminars most of the day.

I bought a new computer today, and I'm kind of freaked about the whole thing, only beacuse I go all wonky when I have lay out a very large amount of cash. I spent about $1,500 for the new pc. Oh well. I think I bought myself a stable and fast machine that should last me another five years. The new PC won't be ready till either Monday or Tuesday, and part of me is very happy about having a PC at home again. And the other part, well, I'll let you know next week.

I may blog via email over the weekend, if I have something very important that needs to be on here.

So here's the news on my pc. My motherboard is fried, and my old Pentium 2 chip is probably damaged as well. As I suspected, the culprit was that power surge in my apartment that happened on Wednesday night (10/23). I've never had a power surge in my apartment before, and it not only blew out my computer but the fuse in my apartment as well. I have a surge protector, but the techie said that the one I probably have was too small to handle all the devices that I have connected to it.

I think my hard drive is okay, but I'll find out today when I go to the shop.

I have two options regarding my computer.

1) Find a Pentium 2 motherboard and 233 chip to put in my old computer
2) Have a computer built from scratch at the computer place, and have my hard drive if it's still alive installed as a second drive, so I can at least get the data off the computer.

Option 1 is cheaper, and it will take time to find these very old components. Option 2 is a lot more expensive, but at least I'll have a new computer and my old data.

After much discussion with friends, both techie and non-techie, I've decided to have a new computer built. My PC is five years and is on its last legs, and this whole experience has taught me that I need a stable computer system.

Damn! I hate spending money though, unless I absolutely have to!!! It's been one thing after another for me these last three months. In early September, my new car window broke. Thankfully I was so close to my warranty that the dealer fixed it all for free. In early October my refrigerator broke, but it was old as dirt anyway and the building manager replaced it for free. And now in early November, the trusty but ancient computer dies.

I'm like thinking, is there anything else that I own that is old and is ready to break and is going to break in early December?

I'm kicking myself a little because I wish I'd taken my friend's advice last year, and bought a new pc last year when my computer broke the first time. He would have built a computer for me for free, but I've lost touch with him now.

Because I'm buying a new computer, I won't be buying a laptop till I pay the computer off which won't happen till the spring of 2003. I'm still intent on buying a laptop because I don't ever want to go without a computer ever, ever again.

I keep telling myself it could have been worse and really, I'm okay, but I'm still a little unhappy about this new turn of events.

This is totally trippy. I had some down time at work, so I started writing from the point of view of Cashani. In my story, there was a Great Species War where the humans decided to take over the land and wipe out all the non human creatures. After the Great Species War, Cashani and Bianti's tribe decided to kill all the half human/half non humans to appease the gods and bring prosperity back to the tribe and land. It was Cashani's ancestor who advised the tribe to kill the mutant humans.

I didn't know this until I started writing the story from Cashani's viewpoint. I'm like, no wonder Cashani totally wanted to kill Bianti when she found out that Bianti was part elf and part human. It was an ancestor thing.

My stories are always so complicated and I don't know how complicated they are until I start writing them. Simple stories are easier to tell. Why this happens is so unknown to me, because I don't try to make my stories complicated on purpose, because then you have to work that much harder. But I know I need to go where the stories take me, I just sometimes wish the road to the end was just a little straighter.

So I'm writing my "Crow Priestess" novel, and I'm doing something I've never done before. Usually, I start a story and tell it from the protagonist's point of view all the way through. All of a sudden I'm getting the urge to switch it to one of the other character's point of view. It's a first draft so I figure I can do anything I want right now.

I have about twenty pages, two or three chapters I think, about the main protagonist - Bianti. She's 18 years old, and part elf and part human priestess. Now I want to start another chapter from the point of view of her main antagonist, Cashani. Cashania is 50 years old, and is the one who forms the alliance among the other priestesses to murder Cashani.

Here's the start of the Cashani chapter.

Am I bitter about what happened? I suppose in a way I am. Bianti is still alive, and me? I float around in the dark, disembodied, and dead to everything but the memories of what I went through that fateful summer. Would I have done it again knowing that what I did contributed to not only my death, but the death of my whole tribe? Absolutely. I was supposed to be the next head priestess, and not some child barely out of diapers. I was the one who should have been chosen to be the spiritual leader of the tribe, and not some subhuman mutant. But you must judge for yourself which one of us was justified, which one of us was right? If you were in my position, I know you would have done the same.