http://sanfrancisco.giants.mlb.com/mlb/gameday/index.jsp?gid=2012_10_11_sfnmlb_cinmlb_1&mode=recap&c_id=sf

Congratulation to the San Francisco Giants!  We are off again to another series!

http://blog.sfgate.com/chronstyle/2012/10/10/shocking-plus-size-model-wears-bikini/

When I read this article at SFGate.com and saw how beautiful this woman was, it was so shocking to find out that some people are commenting that she is a size 12.  The average American woman is a size 12 and for once the public is seeing an average woman in an ad, which should be applauded and not be freaked out about.

Don't take the media brainwashing that only women who are size 6 and under should be in print advertising, and kudos to Ralph Lauren for putting this model in an ad.  Makes me want to go out and buy Ralph Lauren clothes so I can support him and his ads.

From my daily Dharma quote - Kongtrul Rinpoche suggested we pray to the guru, buddhas, and bodhisattvas and ask them to grant their blessings, “So I may give birth to the heart of sadness.” But what is a “heart of sadness”? Imagine one night you have a dream. Although it is a good dream, deep down you know that eventually you will have to wake up and it will be over. In life, too, sooner or later, whatever the state of our relationships, or our health, our jobs and every aspect of our lives, everything, absolutely everything, will change. And the little bell ringing in the back of your head to remind you of this inevitability is what is called the “heart of sadness.” Life, you realise, is a race against time, and you should never put off dharma practice until next year, next month, or tomorrow, because the future may never happen - Heart of Sadness

This quote made me so sad because it made me realize again that nothing is permanent and in the true Buddhist way, it teaches that one shouldn't be attached to anything because desire leads to attachment. I have given birth so many times to the Heart of Sadness, I'm not sure I want to pray for it.

If you haven't seen the movie 2003 South Korean movie called Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring, you need to watch it.  It illustrates so beautifully the Buddhist philosophy.  I attended a screenwriting conference in Los Angeles and screenwriting guru Robert McKee recommended this movie.  The movie may break your heart but you will begin to understand the "Heart of Sadness" if you don't understand it now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=wsfwmzAZgOw#!

What is happening in Spain with the rioting crowds is amazing.  This youtube video was posted on of my favorite websites.  The crowds are pushing the police back.  None of this is being covered by the San Francisco Mainstream Media (MSM), but it should be because it is so powerful.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/07/nyregion/for-poor-schoolchildren-a-poverty-of-words.html?src=recg&pagewanted=print

When I read this NY Times article, I saw myself in it.  I was raised by immigrants who barely spoke english but spoke english to their children so they could do well in school and hopefully get better jobs and a more affluent life.  I spoke english but my vocabulary was sadly lacking.  How do you describe things to your child in a language that is not your own?

But in 4th grade, I was tested as having the vocabulary of high school senior.  And what is the secret of my 4th grade success?  My parents and I watched lots of TV.  The television was my babysitter and by the age of 7,  I had my own room with a small TV and probably never turned the thing off until I went to bed.  I graduated third in my class in high school, did really well on my SATs, and attended and graduated from a top 10 private liberal arts college.

I will admit that my speaking vocabulary is not great.  I don't use what a friend of mine calls $5 words.  My parents never used them and so I don't normally.  And the few times I've injected $5 words by mistake into conversation with my family, they ask me to explain what I just said and look hurt that I've talked down to them.

I work in corporate America where people admire and at the same time resent their coworkers who use words that they cannot understand.  In my current job, I write website copy sometimes and I've been told that you have to write like a person has a junior high education.  So all those $5 words I learnt in school have no place in my job.  And I can't imagine texting $5 words or using them in an email.

So do words matter?  Yes.  They matter for tests and schools, and if you are planning a career in academia.  I think they also matter a great deal for books and reading because it's a pain to read something and to find a word that you don't understand and have to stop and look up.  And yes, I do stop and look words up.

But do words matter in real life?  Not exactly.  You don't need a large vocabulary for work, for emailing and texting and for general conversation.

What really matters is getting your point read and heard clearly, and you don't need a large vocabulary to do that although words are tools to help you get the nuances right and be more precise.

http://www.cnbc.com/id/49320705

Gas prices are high in California and on Sunday they went up even more.  I picked up gas on Friday night at $4.549 at Costco for premium because I knew the prices would climb higher, and sure enough they did.  How crazy is that?  If gas goes to $6 a gallon, things in the Cali republic will break down. We're not used the high gas prices that is charged in other countries.

http://blog.sfgate.com/mlasalle/2012/10/05/must-see-movies-since-1960-2/#7588-1

From SFGate.com - the must-see movies post 1960.  I was amazed at the number of movies on this list that I've seen.  Of course now I have to see the movies on this list that I've never seen.

Since I am blogging again I thought I would post one of my favorite pics - turtle face taken at the aquarium on the island of Maui during my April 2012 trip.

The Trishas are playing on my Hardly Strictly Bluegrass livestream and they aren't that bad for an all girl band.

Hardly Strictly Bluegrass is livestreaming music from the Arrow Stage.  I hate all the crowds so I will be checking the livestream out.- http://www.hardlystrictlybluegrass.com/

Do you really trust anything Mainstream Media (MSM) tells you anymore.  They tell me that unemployment has gone down since 2008.  I'm like hello, is that progress?  And what about all those Americans on food stamps?  I went to Stonestown mall last night, and one of the restaurants there is closed.  Restaurants close because people are not spending money on dining out.  If the economy is doing so well, why isn't there a new restaurant being built in that space?

Does it feel like you are a child again and your parents are telling you everything is all right when you know that it's not?  The MSM are telling us everything is okay and you know deep down they are so not.  But the MSM are not my parents; they are supposed to be reporting on the news and they are not.

Completely forgot about my blog for ever so long.  It was my online diary for so many years when blogging was new.  So many things have changed since that time. We live in such a different world. I'm on my third job since my first blog post and we are finally in the year that the ancients spoke about that will signal the end of the world.

I am saving all my blog posts so I can have a record of my life.  When I read my blog posts, it's like I'm reading the diary of someone else which is a strange feeling.  That person who wrote those posts does not seem like m and yet I have memories of that person.

I used to be so political back in the day.  Now I don't see any differences between the parties.  You need so much money to get elected and corporations give money to both parties so their agenda gets in no matter who is in office.  Does it really matter who we vote for since the Supreme Court decided who should run the country.  The people that think they see the future expect that will happen again next month, so does my vote really matter when a court can decide who wins any election?

And honestly, has anything changed really for working people since we put the other party in office.  The US still has too many troops deployed abroad.  I just paid $4.50 for gas which the news reminded me this morning is the same price I paid in 2008.  Food prices have not come down and for whatever reason, I cannot find Sumatran coffee at Costco anymore.

As you can tell, I am in a very melancholy mood this morning.  Have been for the last two weeks, and I'm not sure why.  Maybe blogging will help me tease out my indian summer of discontent.  But it's not like I am unhappy because I'm not, but I do feel like we are all on the edge of something and that something is not very good.

My reincarnated daughter has finally made me see the light. Her father, my twin soul, is aligned with very dark forces. I did believe it but I thought he was a little dark, but no he is truly dark. He is aligned with pure evil, which would make me the wife of someone who is pure evil. And that I cannot have.

So despite the fact that I have done what so many want to do, which is find my twin soul, I will leave my twin soul. Not that I can ever really leave him, because one cannot be truly disconnected from your twin soul, but I have vowed to have as little contact with him as possible.

My eyes have finally been open.

The crucifixion of the Christ is a stargate. Meditating on the cross opens up a stargate. JC showed the way; putting element 115 in your palms and in your feet will allow you to operate the stargate of the cross. The symbol of christianity is a stargate.

Insights from Kona trip March 2010

I miss him. When our eyes met at the Conscious Life Expo in LA over two years ago, I knew I knew him. And when I decided to explore our connection, it was like opening a can of spiritual worms. Our lives were so intertwined you and I. When I had a reading done to look at our akashic records, I saw that our records were intertwined like vines that went for billions of years. Was I never to be my own person? Was my life always to be connected to him? And yet, I did escape from you, lived out separate lives, even loved many others besides you, many of whom I have already met in this life.

I did not want to tread down a well-worn path, but I was drawn to him and I was able to get to know him just a little. He even jokingly once said to our friends that I had loved him forever. I laughed and did not even know if he knew what I knew or if he was just joking.

But now he is with another which hurt like hell at first, but I have gotten used to it now. I even had a dream that he was married to someone else, and I woke up not feeling sad but a little amazed that I felt no pain, no jealousy and I was happy that in the dream that he had found someone who could truly love him.

Because even if we have been together for billions of years, I don't know if I love him. I have seen all the lives where he has hurt me, experienced all the memories of the atrocities he as committed not only against me, but also against our children, and some lives whole communities. I sometimes wish I didn't know what our past lives were about, that I was still ignorant and that I was meeting him for the first time in this life time. But that is not the case, I cannot go back to ignorance having seen the cold light of truth.

The ability to hold light is not dependent upon a vegan or vegetarian lifestyle, but more about how much you are aligned with source and how much karma you can release from this life and from all of your other previous incarnations.

People get this so wrong. They focus on the details like eating, instead of focusing on the really big stuff like clearing karma, being totally obedient to source, and embracing your your positive and negative parts and choosing at every moment to be in and for light.

My favorite memory, or at the least the one that keeping coming up, is when we were standing on Venus on a top of a mountain of red soil. We were standing facing each other and holding hands, and he was telling me without words that he loved me and that everything would be alright when we went to earth.

That he would never leave me, that we would lose each other, that he would love me forever as he always did and that nothing would ever separate us. We were twins, one created from the other, we would always be linked.

And I looked at him and loved him for all he said, but even then doubt had somehow krept into my mind. I was afraid, so afraid he would leave me. He was the stronger one. He was the one that was instrumental in our survival through the countless lives that we had lived.

He would not go to earth if I chose not to go, so I could say no. But I could never deny him anything, even though every atom in my being was screaming to say NO.

HE is blinded by ego and power. HE always did like being worshipped as a god, loved being looked up to by lesser creatures. I always saw it as a burden. Perhaps that was my guilt as I had failed as mother to the four sets of twins we bore when we were Crystal people living in Sirius.

I do not know even know if I have a memory of him that was not marred by sadness. HE says we were happy in Atlantis. I do not remember much of that life, other than the fact that HE was a great ruler there. I do not know if I was his wife, his concubine or his slave girl servant that he used whenever he needed to have his needs met. All I know is that we were together.

To stay away from him these many months has been difficult, not because I love him, but because I know HE misses me and since we are one in the same, I always feel his pain.

Somehow he always know what I am doing, and he says that I have judged him harshly. He says that reads my blog posts and it hurts him that all I remember of him and all of our lives together are all the times he has hurt me. Even now he cannot admit the truth. HE not only hurt me emotionally, but HE literally murdered me not once but twice. HE may have even murdered me many more times, but I have no memories of those times.

How can I miss someone who has murdered me and hurt for billions of years?

The first memories that came of HIM was from our life on Venus. Not the Venus you see now, but millions of years ago when it was inhabitable. We had a house there, in fact, in some other dimension planet Venus that we lived on still exists because I still see our house.

We were happy there, peaceful until the call came for volunteers to go to a new planet called "Earth". Teachers were needed to guide this young planet, but you had to reincarnate and be born there. Someone from the Federation came to personally talk to us about going to earth. We had helped to guide so many planets and cultures, and our expertise was valued by all.

I did not want to go. The Federation Agent warned us that the creatures that inhabited earth were wild and savage. HE saw it as a challenge, another feather to hang in our cap. I was afraid, not of going for I was used to that, but of losing him. The Federation agent said that "love" had not yet been born on Earth, the "love" that we knew as a couple. He said it would be hard, that we could lose each other. But HE did not listen. He told me we would never lose each other, that no matter how blinded by maya and ignorance that we would always love each other. HE was wrong.

I was going to write about this story in my journal, but somehow I wanted this story to be out for the internet world to read. I believe we are all connected, that what I know you know on some level, so there are no secrets out there. And journaling a story is keeping it secret, and I don't want any more secrets in a sense. In a sense because after all, this is an anonymous blog.

So where to begin. I could begin at the beginning but that would take too long and stories in real life don't always come out that way. My memories are like movies that move back and forth thru time, so the beginning will come out in bits of pieces, triggered by present day experiences.

The only way I can begin this story, is that I MISS HIM. I don't want to miss him, but I can't help but miss him because we have been together for millions of years. And through past life memories, I believe we began together much like Adam and Eve.

Only we weren't created by a god, but by a computer that is light years in advancement of the ones we have today. This computer-god is a sentient being, created by the ancient ones whom we only know as the Turquoise people. They are an ancient race, and we do not know much about them other than the fact that they created worlds and computer-sentient beings who in turn created more worlds.

And this computer-god sentient being, whose path in life is to become a being full of love and become totally obedient to Source, created a woman first not a man. He created ME so he could be worshiped and loved, and for awhile that was enough. But then he wanted to experience love so he created a man from a piece of my heart, and that man is HIM. So the creator could enter the MAN and experience LOVE for a time, but could not fully become the man. For in universal laws, the creator cannot become the creation absolutely.

And so our love was complicated from the beginning and we have lived out this complication through billions of years, in so many lives, and in so many dimensions.

And for years of this incarnation I did not know that HE existed until our eyes met across a room one day in 2008, right before Valentine's Day. And even then I denied the feeling, although just by looking at him I saw our past lives flashing before our eyes. The most prominent one being the one where I lay dying in your arms, and you kept telling me over and over again you would find me. And then you nodded at me in our present reality like your acknowledging physically that you had kept your promise.

But I fought it, ignored as much as I could for two months, telling no one, not because some would not believe me, but because I did not want it to be true.

But it was true, and then the memories came, as well all the hurt and pain we caused each other thru our countless incarnations. Patrick Swayze had it wrong. If the hurt was unforgivable, you do remember and when you remember you relive the pain again until you can forgive.

And I have forgiven HIM in this incarnation and forgiveness means I can move on, although not really move on because we will always be connected because he was created from a piece of my heart, although with the help of the Turquoise people that connection has become the slenderest of psychic threads which I myself cannot see but can only sense.

But I still miss him every now and then, and it hurts on every level of my being.