Grandma Update

They took her off the respirator yesterday, and she seems to breathing fine. Angioplasty was successful, and now they just need to watch her. Still it's touch and go I guess, until the doctors say she can fly home.

I'm planning a trip home in the next month or two, depending on what happens next with her care.

After 9/11, the media reported that people were feeling the urge to merge and were merging like there was no tomorrow, I guess because that's how some people felt.

I had the opposite reaction. If things had gone from bad to worse after 9/11, I knew I would survive better on my own than with someone I barely knew.

Now with this family tragedy, I'm feeling this overwhelming urge to merge. But I've had crisis boyfriends before, and although they've provided wonderful soft landings, the question becomes what do you with them after the crisis is over.

Because after every crisis, I started to not like every crisis boyfriend I was dating. It's not like I did it on purpose, it just happened that way. Crises tends to impair my judgement in a serious way, and I'm not sure I want to go through a stress of a lapse of judgement.

I just saw the movie "2 Fast 2 Furious", and I totally loved it. I think I'm going to have get both "The Fast and the Furious" and it sequel "2 Fast 2 Furious" on DVD.

They're probably the kind of movies I should be embarrassed to own, but I love them like I love the movies "Predator 1 & 2". I don't know why, and I don't really care either.

"2 Fast 2 Furious" definitely makes it to my top chick flick list, along with "Black Hawk Down". "Top Gun", "Matrix", "Matrix Reloaded", "The Fast and the Furious", "The Crow", "Triple X", and both "Lords of the Rings" movies.

Wow, the blondie boy was so cute, and Tyrese had this unbelievable body. And all those great racing scenes, car chases, and car crashes, and a killer soundtrack with bump and grind rhythm and groove. What's a girl not to love?

I'm starting to doubt whether I should order shoes online. I ordered a pair of shoes which I just received, and I specifically ordered them because the website said the heel was 2 inches. I love 2 inch heel shoes; I feel so tall in them and they look fantastic with short skirts.

I received the shoes today, and the heel is not 2 inches but 1.5 inches. I even measured it myself with a ruler and compared them to my other shoes with 2 inch heels.

So I'm on the phone with customer service, and a guy answers, and I'm like having a apoplectic fit because I don't think he gets that half an inch makes all the difference in the world for a woman's shoe.

He then tells me that if I had ordered the shoe by phone, I would have gotten the correct the heel height because his order screen said the shoe had 1.5 inch heel. And I'm like, why is it wrong "your website", is that my problem or yours?

So of course, I had to order another pair of shoes with a 2 inch heel, and I asked him three times to make sure the shoe had a 2 inch heel.

The shoe I ordered with the wrong heel height is so cute too, that I can't decide if I want to return it. I'm thinking the shoe might look great with pants or jeans but never with skirts, long or short.

I'm sure the male customer service rep was thinking, half an inch, what's half an inch on a shoe. But half an inch makes all the difference in the world on a shoe worn with a very short, thigh high skirt, and even a long skirt as well. Ask any woman!

Here's the shoe, Isabel; stylish but from a comfy brand.

Facing the death of a loved one and silly childhood thoughts

My aunt in Florida got me started on this track. My aunt is convinced that if she goes to see grandma, that grandma will die. She said that grandma told her she wanted to see her one last time before she died, and that was two years ago.

My aunt got me all freaked out, because here's what grandma said to me. She said she would stay alive until I got married again. Grandma is old fashioned, and she thinks that women can't survive in the world unless they're married.

So I'm thinking, because this is what you do when you're indirectly staring death in the face, that I wonder if I've stayed unmarried all this time to keep grandma alive.

It's a silly thought and very childish I know, but I wonder if this belief is living somewhere in my brain. I mean after all, who wants to see their grandma, my second mommy die.

See the problem is, when you have two mommies you have to experience your mother's death not once but twice. Mom # 1 is dead, and that experience haunts me to this day.

I know there's some childish part of me that wants to delay the death of mommy # 2 as long as possible, and if mommy # 2 said she wouldn't die until I get married again, why not just not get married. Then mommy # 2 will live forever.

Childish, isn't it?