This is probably really old and I know I've seen it before, but I found it on a site about Kauai and I still think it's very funny.

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other
system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks, Joe
=================================
Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that life 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0,
so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 4.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.6. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.

Tech Support.

One of the things I do miss about home is the hourly "Surf Report". How can you live without knowing what the waves are doing?

Here's a fun surfing site I check out when I feel homesick and need to see some wave action; Surfline.

I love the cam shots of waves all over the world! Note to self: check out all the surfing stores to buy 1) surfing dvds and videos and 2) long sleeve surfing brand t-shirts with writing on the sleeves. I love long sleeve t-shirts with designs and/or writing on the sleeves.

Anti-americanism may be popular in Europe and the rest of the world, but it's not stopping fashion designers for men's clothes in Paris from using american-style clothes in their current collections; Macho America Storms Europe's Runways.

This article sounds like it comes right out out of a science fiction story, and will probably have ramifications for the future of genetic research, Scientists Produce Human Embryos of Mixed Gender.