Just when I feeling really good about my life, something happens to destroy that feeling. It's always that way isn't it? It's not that my life has gone completely to hell in a hand basket, but I get totally freaked out when I don't feel secure about my job.

And right now I'm stressed about my job, and I've been waking up at 5 am sometimes 4 in the morning, worrying about what will happen to me. I haven't felt that way in a long time.

Even when my company was moving location last year and the possibility of being unemployed was real, I wasn't as freaked out as I am now. Last year in my old apartment, I could have handled being unemployed. It would have been hard, but I could have survived on unemployment and savings for a long time.

With the new apartment, surviving on unemployment and saving is still possibilty but not for very long. The new scenario scares me, and makes me wonder if I should have listened to my friend when she said not to move until I knew for sure that working from home was going to work to work out mutually for me and company.

I've gotten used to working from home but with my new boss who is a control freak, my remoteness is irksome to him, very irksome.

He doesn't know me, he's relatively new to the company and he's trying to prove that he deserved his VP promotion. And I get to be the sacrificial goat for his trial by fire. It's not a pleasant feeling. He's toned down his initial "lordiness", but it's still there. And I don't think he's going to forgive me for complaining to my old boss who is also his boss, about him pressuring me to move. In fact, he's already started to torture me in little ways.

And it's not like I haven't faced this situation before because I have, and when it happened I was able to find another job fairly quickly, so quickly that the new boss was so shocked that I resigned.

But I have fears. The economy is bad right now out here. There are a ton of jobs in my field right now and for my particular skill set, but it's a employer's market out there and I'm competing with bunches and bunches of people who are looking for jobs. Employers can pick and choose.

I mean, I have good feelings about my job prospects. I've never had problems finding employment before, but I don't I've ever had to look for a job in this tight of an economy.

I've dug out all my positive thinking books, and am reading them nightly. Those books helped me get through all my other job crises, and their principles do work. Let's just hope they'll work even now.

Here's my latest film hearthrob, Damian Lewis. He's the actor who plays "Soames" on The Forsythe Saga 2.

Not quite sure if he's a femme brit boy or why I find him so maddeningly attractive, other than the fact that he looks so much like "one that got away". I can hear dogs barking, and I always associate barking dogs with "the one that got away" because he used to tell me "he was the dog and I was the cat".

He was referring to the fact that I was a cat person, and he was a dog person. I tried to tell him I liked dogs as well, but as a person I related to cats more. He said as a person he was more of dog, and besides he detested cats.

It's that red hair ... it's like catnip to me ... very, very bad but I must have it.

I think my new boss figured out that I wasn't happy with the new move. He called me today and said he wanted me to come spend a week at the Sacramento office, when he would be in town in March. Like big whoop getting to go to Sacramento for a business trip for a week.

I told him I had classes on Monday and Thursday night, and he didn't even moan and groan like I thought he would. He said fine, and that I should plan on being there from Tuesday thru Thursday but that I could leave early on Thursday to get to my class.

I'm like I hate this. I'll probably be staying at the same hotel he stays at, and he'll want to do the business socializing thing. It's only for two nights which means one of those nights or at least lunch times will be a group eating event.

I think he said he would be there Monday, which means he'll have his own car and I don't have to chauffer him around. That would be the worst!

The guy is a total control freak, and he hates that I work at home where no one can keep an eye on me and report on me when I'm slacking off. Whatever!

I've been checking it out, and the job market for my field isn't as bad as I thought it would be given the sorry state of the economy. In fact, I haven't seen this many ads for jobs in my particular line of work ever. That's got to be a fortuitous sign yes? It might take awhile, but one of these days I'll be moving on.

So I went to the phone store to upgrade my cell phone, and I ended up nging to a cheaper plan with less coverage. I stopped travelling for work, and I started to think I was paying for coverage that I never really used.

I have the cheaper plan, so if I want to upgrade I won't get penalized. I did sign a two year contract, but I never switched phone contracts in four years so I'm not too worried.

Of course, now I'm just worried about getting hit by roaming charges. I used to get those all the time before I switched plans, and roaming charges can really, really add up. I have a national plan, but it only covers major cities.
Damn! I shouldn't have switched plans, but I've been thinking for a long time that I'm paying way too much for expensive coverage that I'm not using.

Oh well. The rumor is my carrier is up for sale, and it looks like it will happen. I'll probably get better coverage once that happens.

So here's the new phone, Nokia 3100. I have a Nokia 6162 before, and that phone lasted me about four years.