I just finished reading Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. The writing is beautiful and very lyrical but it's very dense and not an easy read. I shall probably have to go back and reread it again just to see what I missed the first time. It's fun for me to read a book then go and look at all the reviews about the books just to see what other people say about it.

There is a lot of violence in the book but because the writing is very stylized and lyrical, it cast an artistic sheen for me over what I think others would considers overwhelming and grotesque. I dislike violence in real life but in wriitng, plays and movies, violence if done right can actually be quite beautiful. I'm not surprised by the cruel and evil acts in this book but then I read this book after the tragedy of 9/11, so maybe nothing violent shocks me anymore, nothing man can to do to other men shocks me anymore. What's that famous phrase, man's inhumanity to man, a phrase that is so descriptive of the characters in Blood Meridian.

I suppose the only slightly surprising thing for me was the ending, but I suppose what happened at the end was logical and inevitable and I congratulate McCarthy for taking the end to its most logical extreme. Very few writers do that.

I don't think finishing Blood Meridian and then going to see Amy Freed's play "The Beard of Avon" was probably a good idea. God, it was hard to sit through this very funny comedy of a play and to hear people laugh after spending the last week and half trying to get through what some critics have called the "great american novel".

I liked "The Beard of Avon", it was very cleverly written and very entertaining, but I found it derivative of all the sight gags and jokes in Shakespeare in Love. And Tom Stoppard is a much better writter than Amy Freed. I also found it annoying that Freed used the same device of putting cliche lines in the play like they did in Moulin Rouge. God, I found that so ghastly and annoying, but people in the theatre loved it and laughed at every old and tired line. I had a friend who saw Moulin Rouge when it first opened and she loved the movie because it used all those old lines.

I find it odd that this play was the most produced play in regional theatres across the country in 2001 but there are no backers for a broadway version. Why? I thought all great plays if they are that good are bound for Broadway. I don't know. There was a lot humanity in Shakespeare in Love, something about the wriitng of that movie touched a human chord in me and I think in many others who saw it. I saw no such thing in "The Beard of Avon". Oh, the play is very well written to be sure, but great, I'm not sure. For me, the play did not strike me deep in the heart like Shakespeare in Love did and for me to really like a play, it has to do that.

But the play is very funny and entertaining and part of me thinks I might have enjoyed it more had I not finished Blood Meridian the night before. I did a brief search on reviews for this play and found critics who thought the same. Isn't it gratifying when you find a critic who agree with your assessment. It makes me feel like I'm not crazy, especially when a respected reviewer has the same thoughts I have.

I felt the same way about that movie, Erin Brockovich. I really was not enamored of the movie and when I read Roger Ebert's review which nearly mirrored my own thoughts, I felt so much elation. An entertaining movie to be sure but not great art.

I did enjoy reading Amy Freed talking about her process of writing in the program though because when I do write, my inspiration is the same as hers. But of course, all the published writers say that to write great things, you must first write horrible things. But my question is, how do you know what' s good and what's horrible? Who's to say?

I had the weirdest dream this morning. I was on a yaht with of all people Russell Crowe. So strange. I think I had a dream about him because I am dying to see his new movie but I can't find someone who wants to see it. Most of my friends think he's a total pig and can't stand him. I think he's such a great character actor. I loved him as the fat corporate freak in The Insider. His walk, how he held his body, his facial expressions, everything was so perfect and he reminded me of many of the corporate VIPs that I used to sit across from in meetings.

I wasn't that impressed with him in LA Confidential, although one of my friends loved the "mook", the name we gave him for playing the hunky dumb cop. I wasn' even that impressed with him in Gladiator but The Insider really convinced me what a great actor he is and I think he won the Oscar more for The Insider than for Gladiator.

But who the hell cares if he's a pig in his personal life. He's an actor and he's an aussie actor and according to my aussie girlfriends, most aussie men are pigs anyway. Remember most of the aussie men in Muriel's Wedding. My aussie girlfriends tell me that those casual portrayals of horny stupid men were very accurate. So what's the big deal if Russell Crowe is being true to his aussie male roots. He's a very good actor and in a film that's really all that matters.

Anyway, in my dream Russell Crowe and I were on this yaht and he was my friend and we got to know each other and we started liking each other even though at first we weren't really attracted to each other. I don't think he's that attractive. I wouldn't kick the guy out of my bed if he suddenly popped in there one night, but he's not as attractive as say Keanu Reeves or Johnny Dep or even Tom Cruise for that matter. That's why it's so strange for me to have a semi-erotic dream about an actor who I don't find that attractive but whom I think is just one hell of a great actor. But then again, I did have a very erotic dream about me and Howard Stern. I don't think he's attractive at all, but part of me thinks it would be great fun to have sex with him just to hear his commentary afterwards on my performance. Sick, isn't it?

It's been a strange week anyway, this first week of this new year. I was in Target the other day on my lunch break and I came across this old couple buying laxatives. In November, Susan, my spiritual healer, said that my clairsentient ability was going to kick into his gear in the next three months. Clairsentience is the ability to feel things through your body. As I was standing in the aisle with the old couple, I got a flash, some kind of feeling, that the old man was going to die soon. Isn't that an odd thought to have about somebody? I mean, I don't go around thinking people are going to die every day. But I got this feeling with this old man and that he was going to die soon. Then I had another feeling that there were angels around watching him, like Nicholas Cage in that movie with Meg Ryan. The angels come and watch and take care of you when you're about to die so they can guide your spirit when you finally leave your body.

I was so creeped out that that I left the aisle, bought what I needed to buy and then went to the post office. Then in the post office, I felt the feeling of the angels again and I quickly looked around the post office but I was afraid to look at anyone's face because I didn't want to think that one of them was going to die soon.

I remember in college I had a friend named Karen and she was very psychic and could tell when people were going to die. She told me it was a very disturbing feeling and now I know what she means. Karen said she had started getting these feelings in her early teens but by her late teens, she had learned to turn it off. It's not a cheery feeling walking around knowing that random people who you don't even know are going to die soon.

In church, I had the same feeling but I quickly turned it off. I don't really want to know when people are going to die. It's really none of my business and it's an awful feeling because you can't tell them. I don't even feel like telling them because after all, those angels are there and I think that means that it's okay and all ordained, but still, how depressing.

The neurotic part of me thinks that maybe it's me the angels are visiting, and that I'm going to die soon, but I know that's not true. I think 2002 is going to be a wild year. I think it's going to full of trauma for people and if karma been speeding up starting in 1998, then it' s just going to go into overdrive in 2002.

I get the sense that great things are going to happen in the world, in my life but also great traumas, big decisions that I'll have to make, that other people will have to make. It's a bit frightening really, knowing that changes are going to take place and wanting yet fearing the change, because change brings new worlds and and an end to old worlds. I've read that one door cannot open until another door has closed. I guess my biggest fears are more to do with what doors in my life will close than what new doors will open. But whatever I feel, what's sure is change will come and all I can do at this point is pray that when change does come, I don't freak out too much

The New Year is here and that' s great isn't it? I was calculating my numerology year and this is year 2 for me in a 9 year cycle. It did sort of feel like a beginning last year, I suppose. I got my health in order and finished the last of my excruciating lemonade cleanses. It's true, it's really like ammonia going through your body and cleaning you from the inside out. I got rid of all my parasites, except for my yeasties, but I'm working on them right now.

My spiritual healer Susan called me this morning and thanked me for the Christmas card I sent her. She then asked me if I had gone to a party two days earlier, which I had. And she said, she knew it because when she picked up my card she felt all this residue and chaotic energy coming out of my card. So strange. She then asked me if I'd felt depressed and melancholy and I said yes, but I thought it was just a massive hangover. She said no, it was the chaotic energy but she cleared it and that I should feel better today. And she was right, I did. I even did an hour of yoga today which I haven't done in ages.

It freaks me out to wonder where I picked up all that chaotic energy. I knew most of the people at that party, old friends from my acting days, most of whom I haven't seen or spoken to in about a year. Something odd did happen though. A very good friend of mine, who is often completely negative towards me which I've put down to the fact that she's a native New Yorker, she still hasn't gotten over her mother and she really is quite jealous of me but would never admit it even on her death bed, hugged me as I was leaving, kissed my check and asked me if I knew how much she loved me. Very odd for her, such behaviour, but then she was on her 6th Manhattan. The instant her lips touched my cheek I felt instant coldness, an odd feeling to feel when being kissed like that by a very good friend of yours. Was she throwing all her negative energy into me with that kiss? I don't know. I just know it felt very, very odd for her kiss me on the cheek like that, so odd in fact, that it creeped me out then and creeps me out now.

It's hard to reconcile the feelings that sometimes your dearest, dearest friends are often your harshest critics, and they say and do the worst things to you, worst things than any enemy has ever done. And what's horrible is you really can't get back at them without feeling guilty. My friend is so negative towards me sometimes, telling me I'll never make any money as a writer, that I'll never have a child or even get married for that reason. Why she does it, I don't know. When she does do it, her voice changes and I get the feeling that she's just parroting things her mother said to her and I feel sad about that God, she'd just die if I ever told her that she acts like her mother. That would send her over the deep far end because she really, really hates that women still.

Ah well, what can one do about one's negative friends. I've decided to not hang out with her as much. We've sort of been drifting apart these last two years anyway and I've felt so guilty about that, even though it was somewhat mutual. But now that guilt over all that has been erased by her incredible negative behaviour towards me and that's a good thing.

It just proves to me once again, that everything in life works out very mysteriously for the best.

Here it is, December 18 and still no creative writing. Actually, I had to write two papers for my asian art history class and those took forever to think about and write. So I have been writing, just not writing my stories that's all. One of the papers was very creative though. I wrote a page from the diary of someone viewing the Taj Mahal in India right after it was completed. I pretended I was an indian man from the Kashatriya class, the farmer caste. Well, you can't expect a woman to be travelling alone at that time. I suppose I could have been the wife of some upper caste man but I didn't even think about that. Well here it is below, just to prove that I've been writing. God, I love asian art history. It makes me want to travel to see all this stuff. Too bad most of the great art are in countries where there's so much fighting going on.

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March 1649, Agra, Uttar Pradesh

My dearest family,

I have made this pilgrimage to see what everyone has said is the most beautiful palace in India. Their descriptions are no exaggeration It is hard to express in words the wonders and beauty of this place, but I will try. I wish you could have all traveled with me to see the Taj Mahal and it will be my lifelong goal to be able to bring all of you to experience this amazing place. The Taj Mahal is located on the banks of the river Yamuna and you can see the river on the on the other side of the Taj.

When you first arrive at the Taj Mahal, you are confronted with a massive red sandstone gateway. They say it is 150 feet wide and nearly 100 feet high and faces south. The gateway is beautifully decorated with precious stones and jewels in a way that I have never seen before in my life; you can even touch the walls and the large jewels. They are cold to the touch but they are so beautiful and so big that one does not think they are real. There are writings on the walls, which I am told are passages from Islamic book called the Holy Koran. There is also a heavy door which seems to be made of many metals and studded with many knobs. I am told there are many rooms and hallways within the gateway but no one is allowed to view them. When you look up, there is a marvelous archway. From the gateway, you can see the beautiful tomb that Shah Jehan constructed for his beloved wife Mumtaz Mahal. It seems so small when you stand in the gateway and you have no idea how large it is till you are standing in front of it. They say that the whole complex is on 42 acres of land.

As you leave the gateway, a large garden runs from here to the tomb. The garden itself is divided into four sections by two marble canals. Along the canals are fountains and the two canals cross in the center to “The Al-Kawthar” or “The Celestial Pool of Abundance.” Cypress trees have been planted around the edges of the grounds and along side the canals. They say that the cypress trees represent death but they will be beautiful to behold when they are grown. Each quadrant of the garden has been divided into sixteen flowerbeds. As it is spring, one can smell the scent of the flowers everywhere since they are just starting to bloom. I should like to turn some of our precious farmland into a garden like this. As a member of the Kashatriya class, even I am moved by this wonderful display of nature. In the great pool, one can see the reflection of the Taj. I have walked all around this wonderful garden and the way it is designed; you have an unobstructed view of the Taj Mahal.

From the gateway to the great white tomb, I believe there is a distance of about 900 feet. As one walks from the entrance towards the Taj, it looms larger and larger. I have been told that the Taj Mahal itself is almost 200 feet in height. The whole tomb has been carved from white marble that seems to change color when the light changes. Again, precious jewels and stones such as agate and jasper have been inlaid into the walls of this wonderful tomb in the design of flowers. The tomb itself consists of a huge white domed building flanked by four smaller domes. At each corner of the domed building are four slender towers. The main archway has been painted with passages from the Islamic book the Holy Koran. On the inside of the tomb, one sees the same type of decorations. Even the floors below are beautifully decorated in black and white marble tile.

On either side of the Taj Mahal are two buildings made of red sandstone. One is a mosque with three domes, which faces towards Mecca and is used for prayer. Four towers are on each corner of the mosque. On the inside of the mosque, the walls are decorated with calligraphy and passages from the Holy Koran. People here have told me that 539 prayer carpets have been marked out on the floor. There is also a small reflecting pool between the mosque and the tomb. The other building is called the “jawab” or “answer”. It looks like the mosque but it walls are decorated with flower designs on the inside instead.

This is such a beautiful place and as a humble Hindu farmer and landowner, I can appreciate that this structure was built with a husband’s undying love and devotion. I wonder if Lord Krishna will bestow on me such a love. I think even Lord Krishna himself would look favorably at this Mughal monument of love and I think that only in our great land of India could such a monument be built. Such exquisite craftsmanship could only have come from artisans who were descended from the Indian artists who created our great temples. Such a tradition of excellence in art, sculpture and decoration must have been handed down from generation to generation.

I don’t think it matters that it was built by the Mughals and not the Hindus for in end we are all Indians. Surely our Lord Krishna and his consort Radha and their love for each other must have inspired this Mughal emperor. I wonder what future generations will think of this place. If it is still standing hundreds of years from now, I am sure that a man visiting it today as I am will have the same reaction. And what will future generations think of the country that has produced such a building. Surely, they will look favorably upon us. The Vedas says beauty and love are timeless and eternal and this Taj Mahal is certainly living proof of these ideas.

I cannot but help feel a sense of pride that such a place exists in our country. To be forever associated with this kind of eternal love is perhaps not such a bad thing. The day has been long and I am longing for sleep. I will perhaps be here another day or two and will write another letter before I return for home.

Your loving son, Sujantra Ghose
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I have a friend name Sujantra. He lectures around the world under the name SG McKeever. Nice guy, very tall and very good looking with beautiful blue eyes, SF native, SI boy, grand dad helped to build the GG Bridge, grew up in St Francisco Woods. He was living in San Diego the last time I saw him, but that was years ago now, so who knows if he's still there. I hope he doesn't mind I used his name for my story.

I thought I would keep writing after I finished the Nanowrimo but something inside of me has rebelled and I have been forced to take a writing vacation. I sort of feel guilty but I know it will be only be a short vacation since I am anxious to write. This one of those lessons I learned from doing this 30-day writing challenge; after reaching a goal, you need to recuperate before going on to your next project otherwise you'll get burnt out.

I did write an 850 word piece on my vision of hope for the new year for the church that I go to and I actually had fun writing it. The piece is emotional and maudlin and I don't think it''s very well written. I had to submit it to a committee to let them decide if they want to do something with it. They'll probably give me the big Ceasar thumbs down. In the piece, I said I support the US war efforts in Afghanistan, and in oh-so-left-of-center San Francisco, that's almost like telling people I'm a Nazi or an ax-murderer. A friend told me he's so over the flag-waving patriotism thing. And I think some people in California are definitely over it.

But I guess I'm not over it. I think I will be angry for a long time over what happened at the WTC and the Pentagon on September 11 and then the subsequent reaction of the radical left in the SF Bay Area, who said the US deserved it. No one deserves to die, not like that, without warning. Maybe I'm getting too conservative for San Francisco. Well, at least for the groups I've been associating with here. Conservative groups exists and despite what the media says, there are more middle of the road people here in San Francisco than there are left wing radicals. Don't believe the media hype.

During the 2000 election, I found out that the neighborhood I live in is 30% republican and I even saw signs for Bush/Cheney on my regular walking route through the neighborhood. The media would have the rest of the world believe that we are all left wing radical liberals, but that's so not true.

I heard an interview on the Pete Wilson show by this think thank in DC that's run like a new economy venture capital company. Two people from that think tank wrote a book called "The Radical Center: The Future of American Politics". I think this is where I am as far as my politics. I'm a centrist democrat and not a closet republican as I have been so often accused. Maybe it's because for a part of my working life I worked as part of corporate management and I had to learn to be pragmatic about making decisions. Maybe because I sat around in too many meetings where all people did was complain and complain how bad the system was but when asked how they thought they could make it better, they had nothing to say.

In my opinion, the inability of the liberal left to propose practical real world solutions to our every day problems is what has moved more towards the center. Sometimes when I listen to the liberal left, I scratch my head thinking what world do these people live in. I live in the real world. I don't live in academia. I'm a human being and I don't behave according to what the theorists say. I want solutions that work in the real world and won't bankrupt our government. Is that too much to ask? Fiscal responsibility combined with a caring but firm government. Not a big daddy government who bails you out when you get in trouble and keeps bailing you out so you never get a chance to learn. But a good parent government, who is there when you're at you're at your wit's end and who has the wisdom to know when not to help.

Most people around the country except on the coasts vote republican. Having listened to Rush Limbaugh on the radio a few times, I can understand why. Rush talks in plain simple language and he does it from a reasonable viewpoint. He says what he says in a logical manner and when he gives you his takes, they so appeal to your common sense. He seems to give you no nonsense common sense opinions. At least, that's what it seems like on the surfface until you really listen to what he's saying and when you do, only then do you realize that he's really out there. But he sounds so reasonable, so real world, so common sense.

When you listen to a radical left wing liberal, they sound so out there like they're on Mars or at least California. And what plays in California, doesn't always play outside the state.

My piece about my vision for the new year will probably be loved in any state in the US except California. I know that if I ever publish my writings, I will never be popular in the SF Bay Area. My stuff is just not hip enough, but then neither am I, so I guess it doesn't really matter. I know my writing will be appreciated, I just have to find my audience.