That screenwriting seminar I took today from the UCLA professor was fantastic! It was definitely worth every penny. The guy is a tenured professor and has taught at UCLA for over 25 years. He knows George Lucas and helped write "American Graffiti". The Wall Street Journal calls him one of Hollywood's powerbrokers in the world of screenwriting. The works of his students include recent movies like Spiderman, Panic Room, The Road to Perdition, Repo Man, Real Women Have Curves and Highlander.

I loved the guy. He is so spiritual. In fact, he's the most spiritual writing teacher I've ever come across, which is so shocking and ironic since Hollywood is considered by some one of the most unspiritual industries on earth. Here's some things that he said, and I'm using my own words.

Don't afraid to put God in your work. I recently discovered God myself in the last few years. Why should God only belong to the right wing conservatives?

I was in Washington DC and heard Martin Luther King Jr. give his famous "I have a dream speech."

A movie is a romanticization and idealization of the human experience.

Writers get paid to daydream, and the writer's job is to get the daydream into the head of your reader/audience.

The beautiful thing about being a writer is you can be anybody. (He didn't spout the political correctness drivel that you can only write personal experiences that you've had, like if you're white you can't write about the african american experience, or if you're a woman you can't write about the male experience.)

Art is the lie that tells the bigger truth. Writers get in trouble when they try to be too truthful to the data. Play fast and loose with the experience. Lie about the data, but be completely truthful about the feeling. (This is why you don't have to always base your writing on personal experience. Writing fiction like a screenplay is a lie. The "real" truth only applies if you're writing a documentary."

Art is about reaching as many people as possible. Film is a populist art. The great works like the Greek dramas and Shakespeare were all popular in their day in the lifetime of the writer, and were commercially successful. A successful screenwriter reaches as many people as possible. Your script has to raise enough money to support the enterprise. (He debunked the whole myth of art having to be obscure and commercially unsuccessful to be good.)

Kramer vs Kramer is about how commitment to love can make your career soar. Love and commitment is not a trap, lt will not limit you; it will expand you.

To be a successful writer, you need a litte bit of talent, a lot of discipline and a ton of courage.

I loved it when he said "Don't be afraid to put God in your work." Wow, what he said is so refreshing. My screenwriting teacher in SF told me my screenplay is my take on the Prodigal son story from the bible. She even reads the book of Proverbs to get story ideas.

But in a recent screenwriting group meeting, someone said that a film was "too christian" for them, and said it was such disdain and disgust. That person totally freaked me out. I started to get discouraged about the way I write, because I can't help be influenced by my christian upbringing and christian beliefs. I was afraid to be part of that group, and have my screenplay critiqued by that person. I let her remark make me feel ashamed of my work, which I know is bad and wrong, but that's what happened.

And now here comes this guy, who is intimately connected with the Hollywood film industry, saying that "it's okay to put God in your work." That person from the screenwriting group has never sold a script to Hollywood, but did write and produce a self financed independent film. This guy from UCLA has influenced Hollywood screenwriters with successful films for over 25 years, and has helped write successful commercial films himself. I think I believe the UCLA guy more than I believe the person from my screenwriting group. The UCLA professor totally validated me and my way of writing, and that validation was so worth the money I paid for the seminar and them some. In fact, what he said was "priceless" to me.

I finished watching the last episode of the SciFi Channel series "Taken". I loved the story structure, and how everything was strung together. The story takes places over 50 years, and it was a good lesson in making sure elements that were in the beginning of the story are carried through the years. The writer of "Taken" did it with phrases, and a simple thing like earrings made into the shape of the Texas lone star.

I wonder what all the UFO people are thinking about "Taken". What about the reaction of the people who are actual alien abductees? I really enjoyed the story, and the ending leaves it open for the SciFi channel to do sequels or even a series.

Do aliens exist? I don't know. Whenever I think about this question, I think of that line from the movie "Contact" where Jodie Foster says I think, "If it's empty up there, it's a hell of a waste of space."

Here's some news on a republican pundit whom I actually kind of like, Mary Matalin Leaves White House Post. I don't why I like Mary Matalin, but I just do. Maybe it's because I love the fact that she's married to Democrat consultant, James Carville. I don't agree with any of Matalin's views, but I like watching her argue, especially when she's arguing with her husband. It's great how those two can fiercely argue like that, and still be married and raise a family of two daughters.

I just spoke to a friend of mine, whose faith is much stronger than mine. He told me the following, which makes so much sense:

1) maybe I'm having problems with my apartment because God wants me to move out my apartment and into a better place;
2) maybe I'll get laid off from my job because God wants me to work on the two novels that I started and never finished;
3) I don't know what God's plan is for my life, but I'm not helping myself any if I fight and fear the changes in my life, which in the end may be better than what I've got in my life right now;
4) personal growth techniques can only take you so far, but so much of it depends on your own inner strength. But what if sometimes your strength gives out? That's where faith comes in. God is so much stronger than we are. It's like when you're watching a scary movie, and you get so caught up in the movie and you get all scared because you forget you're watching a movie. God can help you step back, and remind you that it's only a movie. Your faith in God can help you step back and see options that you hadn't thought of before, or see roads that you thought were closed to you.

Thank god for my friend whose faith is way stronger than mine. I also went to the Wednesday night prayer service, and it was a healing service. I don't usually ask for healing, but I went up last night and asked that my living situation be prayed for. The prayer thing totally works! I only do it when I'm totally desperate which isn't very often, but the few times I've done it, my situation either radically improved or my outlook completely changed. Prayer definitely works!

Another great article from the LA Times, Searching for a happiness strategy. I definitely need a "happiness strategy" right now.

Hear's a great story from the LA Times on Nancy Pelosi and San Franicisco Politics.

If you believe the republicans when they say that San Francisco is out of step with the rest of the country, then why does San Francisco always win as the place most people want to move to? If the rest of the country hates San Francisco politics so much, then why do people want to move here? Every day on my commute I see license plates from all over the country, which tells me that people keep moving here, even though the economy is not doing that great right now and the everything here is so very, very expensive.

It's a conundrum.

More on Guam from the FEMA webisite, Federal Agencies Mobilize To Assist Guam After Devastation By Super Typhoon.

The remnants on the storm are on its way to California. They're forecasting a serious storm on Saturday and on Monday. I'll be in a screenwriting seminar all day Saturday, and I'll probably have to deal with the storm coming home. My life is getting better every day, isn't it?

I just heard on the radio that there was typhoon that hit the island of Guam, and 2,000 homes were destroyed. The radio reporter said they were flying in a hospital to the island, because the Guam Memorial Hospital is not functioning. This sounds bad.

The noisy upstairs neighbours are driving me crazy. Last night they came and stomped about in their shoes. I ended up hitting my ceiling with the broomstick to tell them to quiet down, but of course they didn't. I hate my apartment, and it's freaking me out. I need the place where I live to feel safe and secure, and they've completely destroyed it for me.

For the first time ever, I don't even feel like buying a tree for Christmas. I usually buy a tree, decorate it, and even put up colourful Christmas lights. But I'm so upset about hating my life and apartment right now, that I can't do it.

I remember visiting a friend's apartment, and it was undecorated. My friend said the apartment didn't feel like home to her, so she didn't feel like putting up pictures or investing money to make it look better. At the time, I didn't understand her feelings. Now I do. Why should I spend the money to buy a tree, and put up Christmas lights, which are a big in the wazoo to hang anyway, when I don't feel like happy in my apartment, and it's not the sanctuary from the world I thought it was.

I won't pull a total Scrooge for Christmas. I always buy a couple of poinsettias anyway, and they're festive enough. I decided not to even give gifts to my building manager and building owners, which I've done every year since I moved in. I complained about the people upstairs being noisy, and nothing has changed. They probably wouldn't even notice or care that they don't get a present from me or not.

God, I'm in such a bad mood. I need the place where I live to feel safe, secure and like a sanctuary, and now it's turned into one humongous hell hole. I'd love to move, but things are still unstable at work. Rumors are going around that they might close the office. I'll be okay financially, but only if I can keep paying the same amount for rent.

I used to be afraid of getting laid off, but with unemployment and at least three months of severance and my vacation pay, if I got laid off in March 2003 (which is the month the rumor mongers are saying the office will close) I could afford to stay home and not work till 2004. The last time the company laid people off, they gave everyone three months severance. I hope they do the same if they close my office. The economy in the SF Bay Area is so bad right now, I might not have a choice but to stay home and be unemployed. At least I'll be able to afford it. I mean, I'll have to lead this incredibly frugal, cheap and budget driven life, but at least I'll be to do it. It's my one and only bright spot in these uncertain times.

I've never not worked. The most I've ever gone without working is six weeks, at least since I've been on my own, and I spent those six weeks on vacation. I was in Hawaii for two weeks, and then I flew to Bali for a month. I'm glad of glad I made my Bali trip when I did. I would be afraid to travel there now, because of the recent terrorist bombing and all of their civil unrest. Bali was such peaceful country when I was there; there was no violence whatsoever. Now that's all changed, just like my living situation.

I guess it's not going to be that much of merry Christmas for me.

I found this on a site I visit every day. It's very funny.

A few observations on newspapers:

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

Let's see. I read the SF Chronicle, it's the local paper, the New York Times, The LA Times and sometimes The Washington Post. So what does that make me?

I'm debating whether to buy those Lands' End size 10 pants. I hate the way my pants look. The butt part does not fit at all, and they look so baggy. If they don't fit in four or five months, then I'll just have to buy more pants.

I'm trying to hold off buying clothes until I decide to stop losing weight, but it's hard with everything I own starting to look too big and baggy on me. The extra large clothes I own are just hanging on me.

I may go through my closet and get rid of everything that's too big, too old, and I don't totally love. I could donate the clothes to charity for the tax deduction.

Part of me wants to hold on to my big clothes, just in case the weight come back, but I'm determined that the weight will never come back. I just don't know what size I'll eventually end up being, but it will definitely never be an extra large.

Size 10 or 8 wouldn't be too bad. I could live with either size.

A rabbi from an adult jewish learning programs website down the Peninsula came across my blog rants about Rainbow Grocery on Google. He thanked me, and then asked if he could pass it on for others to read. I'm not sure what rant of mine he was referring to, but I told him feel free to pass it along. I'm flattered that he found one of my posts worthy of passing on to someone, and of course, so touched that he thanked me for what I wrote. A rabbi too, how flattering is that!

Of course now I'm like panicing, because I'm like such a bad editor of my own posts. I hope if he finds grammatical errors, he fixes them before he passes my posts on.

More on Rainbow Grocery's boycott of Israeli made products A definition of anti-semitism from Thomas Friedman, a NY Times columnist, from his 10/16/2002 column on "Campus Hypocrisy."

"How is it that Egypt imprisons the leading democracy advocate in the Arab world, after a phony trial, and not a single student group in America calls for divestiture from Egypt? (I'm not calling for it, but the silence is telling.) How is it that Syria occupies Lebanon for 25 years, chokes the life out of its democracy, and not a single student group calls for divestiture from Syria? How is it that Saudi Arabia denies its women the most basic human rights, and bans any other religion from being practiced publicly on its soil, and not a single student group calls for divestiture from Saudi Arabia?

Criticizing Israel is not anti-Semitic, and saying so is vile. But singling out Israel for opprobrium and international sanction — out of all proportion to any other party in the Middle East — is anti-Semitic, and not saying so is dishonest."

This is exactly what Rainbow Grocery has done.

I need to trust my intuition more about people. I thought the janitor guy at work was really creepy, and I just didn’t feel like even saying hi to him. I felt really guilty about being snobby, then I find out that the guy is truly creepy. At my company party I was told that he made a pass at one of the women in the company. The woman was coming out of the bathroom, and the janitor guy was standing right outside the door and asking where his kiss was.

How creepy! And in front of the bathroom too. Was he expecting to kiss her in the bathroom? All she said she did was talk to him and be friendly to him. So darn creepy that some men think they can behave that sexually inappropriately with you just because you talk to them. Some other person saw the whole thing, and they both reported him to the building management people. The guy is still on the job, but he doesn’t lurk around the lobby like he used to. Now whenever I see him, I can't help but think “CREEP”.

Before my kergyma bible study class on Wednesday nights, I attend a half an hour evening prayer service. The service calms me down, and I find it relaxes me enough so that I can sit in bible study and really ponder what the bible means for my life right now.

The evening prayer service on Wednesday varies from week to week, and last week there was incense burning and we read and sang psalms for half an hour.

This line from Psalm 17 struck me during the service, and it's been bouncing around my head all week and I can't figure out why. This is the line.

"Weigh my heart, summon me by night, melt me down; you will find no impurity in me."

I think I like the "melt me down" part, although it occurs to me that being melted down is probably very painful. Sometimes I feel like I am being melted down, but for what purpose and to what end is a big mystery.

If you've been wondering about the picture on the left, no that's not a picture of me, here's the scoop.

That's a picture of a "Hula Barbie", which was a christmas gift from the all-male finance group I worked for a long time ago. The gift was given to me before sexual harrassment in the office was such a big deal. The guys said they gave it me because 1) the Barbie reminded them of me and 2) I told them I liked Barbies and complained about never having a Barbie growing up that looked like me. When I was growing up, Barbies were all blonde and blue eyed.

At the time I thought how cute and flattering, that the guys thought I looked like a Barbie. Secondly these guys weren't the gift giving types, so for them to get together and buy me a christmas present was unusual.

A couple of girlfriends of mine thought the guys were insulting me by giving me the Barbie, but I thought it was given with good intentions. Besides, I worked with these guys and they were nice to me and I was the only woman in the group.

I don't think I look like a Barbie. One of my acting teachers called me a "giant Barbie" once, but what does he know, he's an acting teacher. A friend from NYC, while we were in Hawaii together, said I looked a "giant doll", and this guy from my jujitsu class called me "doll face". I love that name, "dollie face". I also used to use the Hula Barbie face when I would chat on AIM, with a friend of mine. He used Spider Man.

The Hula Barbie face has grown on me over the years, and it amuses me to no end that people think I look like a doll. I must be plastic looking or something, and have a vapid and shallow expression on my face. Whatever.

I saw "Die Another Day" yesterday. I haven't seen a James Bond movie in the theatre in a long time. I forgot how fun movies like this are. I loved the opening surfing scene! The beach scene looked a little familiar to me, and then I found out during the credits that part of the movie was filmed in Maui. I wonder if that opening scene was filmed in Maui. The last scene with the house may have been filmed in Maui as well.

I loved Halle Berry, and I loved the part where she was fighting with the english chick, and Halle Berry called her "bitch" before she killed her. Everyone in the theatre was clapping and laughing.

James Bond movies are so much fun. You know you're going to great special effects, pretty girls, fun spy gadgets, great cars and car chase scenes, and it always end happily with Bond saving the world. There's something very comforting about the whole Bond movie genre. In our ever increasingly complicated world, it's nice to spend a couple of hours in a world where issues are black and white, where there are bad guy and good guys, and where moral ambiguity is nonexistent. It's escapist entertainment at its best.

I wish I could write a movie script with special effects like a James Bond movie. I love special effects in a movie. I love the violence, the fast car chase scenes, and the daredevil stunts. Special effects makes spending the money to watch a movie totally worth it, because special effects on a big screen look so darn good. Unless you have a killer sound system and huge screen TV at home, you just can't have the same movie watching experience at home that you do at the theatre. You also don't get the audience reaction at home, which most of the time really adds to my movie viewing pleasure. It's fun to laugh out loud at a movie's jokes with people you know and don't know.

Die Another Day was definitely worth my money.

Below is a statement from the Jewish Community Relations Council on Rainbow Grocery's boycott of products made in Israel.

December 4, 2002

RAINBOW GROCERY ISRAEL BOYCOTT

The following statement was issued today by David Steirman, President of the Jewish Community Relations Council, which represents more than 80 synagogues and Jewish organizations in the Bay Area on public affairs issues of concern to the organized Jewish community.

The Jewish Community Relations Council is deeply disappointed and angered that Rainbow Grocery, which has been patronized by a significant number of our community members and has a strong reputation as a progressive institution, has chosen to boycott Israeli-made products.

The explanation on the store's website that only "two departments decided to remove the Israeli products that they carried from the shelf" and that they "allow our departments wide latitude in their purchasing decisions" is disingenuous at best. The store's leadership is permitting a boycott to take place on its premises and bears responsibility for that decision.

This boycott is not only deeply offensive; it is also misguided. Economic warfare against Israel in the form of boycotts is a failed tactic that has been employed by Israel's detractors and enemies since the establishment of the State of Israel. According to Rainbow Grocery's public relations department, the store is not boycotting products from any other country, even though there are dozens of countries whose human rights records are, by any objective standard, abysmal.

The singling out of the democratic state of Israel is nothing short of an antagonistic and discriminatory act. The damage cannot be mitigated simply by stating, as the store has, that it will continue to carry kosher and other Jewish products from other countries or that other departments within the store do not support the boycott.

We call upon Rainbow Grocery to rescind its boycott immediately. We have offered to meet with the management of the store to convey our concerns. Until such time that the store eliminates its double-standard against Israel, we urge members of the community - Jewish and non-Jewish - to contact the store by telephone, email and fax to send a strong message of protest.

Jewish Community Relations Council of San Francisco, the Peninsula, Marin, Sonoma and Alameda Counties
121 Steuart Street, Suite 301 San Francisco, CA 94105
(415) 957-1551 www.jcrc.org

Below is an email I received from Rainbow Grocery about the boycott of Israeli products. Rainbow Grocery says there is no boycott, but what they don't say is that individual departments are independently run and can choose to not sell Israeli products, which they have done by not selling gelt, the gold coins for Hannukah. Why don't they just say this? Why lie or skirt around the truth? They really need to get a better PR person.

Dear Customers and Concerned Neighbors,

We apologize for those of you who may be receiving a second mass mailing. Unfortunately, we are simply unable to respond individually to all who have emailed, called or faxed letters to us. We would like to set the record straight for those of you who have heard conflicting stories about this issue.

There is no boycott at Rainbow Grocery Cooperative against Israeli products. At no time did a boycott of Israeli products come up for a vote by the Membership. Our policy requires 51% of the membership to approve a boycott.

We want to emphasize the following point: in no way do we tolerate any workers at Rainbow Grocery who support hatred, racism or any form of religious oppression in or outside of our workplace.

We feel compassion for all parties in the Middle East, intense pain for the losses suffered and dreams unfulfilled. Our ultimate and paramount hope is and has always been peace in the Middle East.

It is dialogue that ultimately will provide the avenue for resolution of the difficult and complex issues in the Middle East. Your feedback and commentary are important to us. We hope that the outpouring of intense communication in the past week can be a step in the process of peace, not a step towards the escalation of conflict.

Sincerely,
Board of Directors
Rainbow Grocery Cooperative

Berkeley Politics at its best. The mayor of Berkeley has admitted to stealing and throwing away copies of the UC-Berkeley student newspaper that endorsed his opponent, Berkeley Mayor Admits Stealing Newspapers.

Now if the guy was republican there'd be major honking protests on Shattuck Avenue calling for the guy's resignation. But in the messed up way politics works in the SF Bay Area, the Berkeley City Council are trying to play down what the mayor did. It's so ironic to me because Berkeley is the birthplace of the free speech movement, but obviously that's not the case anymore and I don't think has been for a very long time. One Berkeley Council member said he was stressed out, and wasn't responsible for his actions. The guy destroyed property! Come on! He should resign.

Normally I wouldn't care, it's Berkeley after all and they're a political joke around the country as well as in the SF Bay Area, but I can't help but think that if the Mayor of Berkeley was a republican, the Berkeley Council member would impeach him in a serious nanosecond. Now that a republican would ever stand a chance of getting in Berkeley, but it's the hypocrisy of the Berkeley Council that really gets to me. It's really sad too because Berkeley used to be such a relevant politcal force, and now the city has become such joke and they don't even know it. They've protested themselves into irrelevancy, like the rest of the extreme radical left.

Here's the story from the Daily Cal, the Berkeley paper that broke the story, Police Say Mayor Stole Newspapers, Bates Apologizes to Daily Cal for Role in Pre-Election Day Theft.

I popped over to Sears at lunchtime, because I received a flyer in the mail from Lands End saying that they were selling their clothes at Sears. I've been wearing Lands End forever, and I love their clothes.

I tried on a size 12 pairs of pants, and they were comfortable in the waist but way too loose in the seat and thighs. Then I went over the petite section, and on a whim tried on a size 10 petite pair of pants. I have worn size 10 pants, in about 5 years. And OH MY GOD, they fit. The pants was a little snug in the waist, but fit in the seat and thighs. In fact, the seat and thighs were still a little loose. I can't believe it. I'm like WOW! I was tempted to buy the pants, but I'm afraid if I buy the pants now, in a few months they'll be too loose.

The weight loss thing is so working, even though it's going extremely slow. I'm going ot take the weight loss stats off the bloggie, because I decided after Thanksgiving that I'm going to eat 1,400 calories per day and not worry too much about trying to lose a certain amount of weight every week. At 1,400 calories my weight loss is going to be so exceedingly slow, that it's probably not worth tracking my progress on my bloggie right now.

I'm a total wussy! It's really hard for me eat less than 1,400 calories. I can do it, but then I go into major deprivation mode and I start binging. It's a huge problem, and I don't where it's coming from, and until I figure it out I'm sticking to 1,400 calories a day. I can eat 1,400 calories a day with no problem. 1,400 calories a day is probably close to the amount I'd like to eat on daily basis for the rest of my life. Binging is not good for me, because when I binge I end up binging for a few days.

I'm still floored that I fit into a size 10 petite pants. Okay, the waist was snug, but I could still button it. And the thighs. The thighs of the pants on me were so loose, and I am so not used to seeing pants fit on my like this. It's so totally wild!

I know I have to keep going with my eating plan. I'm starting to seriously think that I will fit into a size 8 pants in a couple of months. And if I keep going, maybe I'll go back to my college size which was size 4-6. That would be hot!

On another somewhat sour note for me, I tried on a petite large cardigan sweater and it fit just right. It's my rack! The sweater was loose all over, except for over my chest. I hate that! I know, I know, there are women out there paying big bucks to be the size rack I am, but to me it's kind of depressing in a way. A way too big rack totally spoils your line when it comes to clothes. Don't those women getting plastic racks know this about clothes?

A size 10 petite pants. It's my christmas present to myself.

I've been trying to update the look of my blog for the holiday season, but I can't seem to get colours that I like or that look good.

I just installed Front Page 2000 on my pc at home, and I'm going to try and come up with a new template and new look for my bloggie over the weekend. I should probably just stick with one colour scheme, and decorate my bloggie with seasonal holiday images since I've finally figured out how to have images show up. I'd love to have some holly and candy cane stripped letters on my bloggie for Christmas. I love being festive for the holidays!

The following is from the SFChroicle/SFGATE.com's only "conservative" columinst, Debra J. Saunders, Food fight in tofu-land.

This is the second time I've agreed with her. That's spooky! What's interesting is how it was started by one angry consumer; talk about the power of one person. Who says your one voice doesn't count in our country?

The day after reaction on the Rainbow Grocery Coop's ban on Israeli products,Ban on Israeli goods has shoppers in uproar Some demand Rainbow co-op end boycott .

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees Rainbow's decision as anti-semitic. These are the same people, who after 9/11, said that the terrorists had a right to crash commercial jets into the World Trade Center because of America's international policies. These are the same people who approve of and justify the use of terrorism to kill innocent civilians to make a political point.

If the guy in the article organizes a protest, I am so there! When I was interning in Washington, DC, I loved going to protests! There hasn't been anything to me worth protesting about since I left college, but this issue is definitely worth it. It will be my way of honoring the people who died on 9/11, and to say that terrorists acts where innocent people are killed to prove a political point, is SO WRONG!

And if you disagree, think about what your reaction would be if you were to read in the paper one day, that a terrorist went into a busy mall or on a commuter bus somewhere in the US and blew themselves up to protest American policies abroad. Or, if a terrorist blew themselves at a church on a Sunday. This is what Israelis have to read about practically every day in their papers, see on their televisions, hear on their radios, talk about in their places of worship, sermonize about at their endless funerals.

Think about it really hard, then tell me if you still support the Palestinian cause. Think about it really hard, beacuse if all the reports are true, then we in the US will one day live just like the people in Israel. And I'm afraid that day is not that far away.

I think I may have fixed the permalink problem, but I'm still checking.

I'm trying to put permalinks in, but they're not working. The link does go to the actual post, and I can't figure out why. Please be patient! I'm researching how to fix this problem.

I'm not sure what to think of all these scandalous catholic church priest sexual abuse stories. I just read in Cleveland, they indicted all these people including a catholic priest on a child pornagraphy ring. So scary! What is is with the attraction to children for sex with some people? It's sick, sick, sick! It's beyond sick. It's pure evil, nothing more and nothing less. And I don't care what kind of psychological crap people are giving for justifying sex with children; it's just pure EVIL.

Then there was that story over the weekend about the Boston Diocese thinking about declaring bankruptcy, because of all the lawsuits being filed against them from people who were sexually abused by priests.

Everyone doing their tell all about catholic priests, so I may have to do my own blog tell all since I have four of my own catholic priest scandal stories.

This first one is benign at least. I put an relationship ad in the Bay Guardian, a SF bay area weekly paper. This was before online dating, and all my friends were doing it and meeting really cute guys to date, so naturally I had to put an ad in too.

One of the guys who answered my ad said he was ex-catholic priest. Of course, I had to go out with him. I was one of those typical catholic young girls who used to have crushes on priests and fantasize about dating one, so this guy was my chance to fulfill my sick teeny girl fantasy. Now who knows if he really was an ex-catholic priest because as I was to find out later, people totally lie about themselves like crazy when they answer personal ads for relationships. But that was his rap.

We met for dinner at a greek restaurant on Polk Street, and we didn't really hit it off which was fine, but I had to just ask him why he left the priesthood. He wasn't embarrassed at all, and told me that he found some things about how the catholic church put together bible which freaked him out enough to leave the church. He was like some kind of biblical scholar type priest, and he was doing research on the bible. He said he found out things, which so rocked his faith, he had to leave. He wouldn't say what he found, only saying that the Catholic Church withheld information in the bible that was supposed to be there.

At the end of dinner, I wished him luck in his new profession of therapist and we said goodbye. But what he said has always intrigued me. I mean what did the guy find that he wouldn't even talk to me about and was so serious that he would leave his chosen profession, a profession and faith that he said he loved, still loved very much?

More Catholic Church priest scandal stories later.

I'm boycotting one of my favorite health food stores in San Francisco, Rainbow Grocery Coop, because some of their departments have stopped selling products made in Israel. Here's the article, Middle East unrest hits grocery store.

I've been shopping at Rainbow for years. They're one of the best stores for vegetarians in San Francisco, and since I've been an off and on vegetarian for most of my adult life, I spend at least $300-$500 there a year. Now I know that's not a lot of money, but in this competitive tight economy, every dollar accounts.

As soon as I read the article, I sent an email to Rainbow telling them their politics disturb me and that I will no longer be shopping at their store. The destruction of the Jews at the hands of Hitler's Nazi party, started with the boycott of jewish products. What's next? Yellow Stars of David on stores that sell jewish products? Anti-semitism scare me, and what Rainbow is doing freaks me out.

The best thing about capitalism is you can vote with your economic dollars. If you don't like something, you don't buy it. Now my $300-500 might seem like teeny weeny sum, but it's a large sum of money to me. I'm also telling all my friends to boycott Rainbow Grocery, and if they do it, then that's more voting economic dollars. And since the San Francisco Bay Area is in a recession, maybe me and people who think like me will have an effect. It's not like Rainbow Grocery is the only health food store in San Francisco.

Now I'm not the kind of person who boycotts stores, but this whole anti-semitism thing so disturbs me. They make me think of Nazis and the Holocaust. They make me think of friends' relatives who were in the Nazi death camps during World War II, and had unbelievably horrifying stories to tell. They make me think of how the world just watched as six million jews were systematically killed. They make me pay attention to all the articles I read about the rise of anti-semitism. They make me think that if I don't individually act to stop it now, then I am as guilty of anti-semtism as the Nazis were.

The "Taken" series on the SciFi channel by Steven Spielberg was hyped so much in the paper here, that I decided to watch it. I'm hooked. The sets are wonderful and so is the acting. Plus, it's all about alien abductions, government black ops, conspiracy theory, psychic powers, reversed engineered alien technology, etc. These subjects are so fascinating to me only because if it's not real, you've got to hand it to the fantastic imaginations of the people coming up with this stuff. I wish I had their imagination, and could write books about it because I could totally make bucko loads of cash.

Twenty hours of a series. That's alot of TV. I was thinking about taping it, but that's alot of TV to tape, so thank god the SciFi channel is repeating all the shows so I can get caught up if I miss a show.

The SciFi channel is also advertising a new movie, Frank Herbert's "Children of Dune". I so love The Dune Series by Frank Herbert, and wish I could create such strange and beautiful worlds the way he does.

I watched Monsters Inc on video last night. I wish I'd seen it on the big screen because it's a great movie. The monsters were so cute. I loved how Sullie, the big blue monster, was so hairy. If I was a little girl, I'd think he was a kitty too. I loved the woman who had the snake hair like Medusa, only her snake hair was so cute.

One of the funniest parts of the movie was when Mike, the one eyed monster, was asking Sullie for cologne and he put on "wet dog." Wet dog is one of the worst smells in the world.

I don't remember if I had any monster out of the closet fears when I was a kid. If I did, those memories are gone now.

It's Christmas and I totally love Christmas music! I have this really old version of Handel's Messiah, that's sung in english and not german by the London Symphony Orchestra, that I'm listening to right now. It came with this 5-cd set I bought of Christmas music a long time ago.

The sound quality is really bad, like I'm listening to some old TV program, but it's kind of cool and so cheesy because maybe you're supposed to pretend it's Christmas eve and you have the TV on and some choir is doing Handel's Messiah. Only who needs to wait till Christmas eve and TV, when I have the CD. And it's not my stereo, because my little baby has great sound.

I definitely need a new version of Handel's Messiah in stereo.

I love these long weekends. They really make me feel like I've gotten away from the office, even though I didn't leave town.

I've got the "I finished my writing project" blues. I always feel so "blah and bleh", after I finish a writing project. That sense of urgency to complete my writing total for the day is gone now, and I've stopped living in that heightened sense of every day is a deadline. It's kind of an emotional let down really. Writing that intensely for me is like being on some kind of weird drug and when I stop, it's like I've crashed down to earth with a big thump and I can't get up again. Maybe the best thing is keep writing, or at least plan to start another writing project as soon as I finish one.

I know I should enjoy my writing time off when I have them, because there's the screenplay to finish before December 14. But it's hard not to feel like I've ground to a halt, because I've stopped writing. I wonder if I'm one of those people who has to be in perpetual motion to feel worthwhile.

I know I used to feel that way sometimes at work, that if I wasn't getting promoted every year there was seriously something wrong with me and I was failing at my job. Because what I'm going through right now, which is a vague sense of dissatisfaction, is sort of how I used to feel after I got my promotions. It's not exactly like I'm dissatisfied, but there's definitely a feeling of some kind of letdown. It's hard to explain.

I just saw "8 Mile" with Eminem. The reviews were right. It's a standard Hollywood plot, updated for the Detroit 313. What makes this otherwise boring movie a standout is Eminem. He has the same kind of intensity I've seen in Sean Penn's film, and which I saw up close when Penn was in a Sam Shephard play with Nick Nolte at the Magic Theater a few years ago.

Eminem is very watchable. You see all these emotions wash across his face, which is great for a movie audience. I loved the guys arguing in the car about the difference between west coast and east coast rap styles, and how Tupac Shakur influenced rap style. I'm sure half the people in the audience with me, had no clue what these guys were talking about.

And Kim Basinger. She looked almost too natural, too familiar playing Eminem's trailer trash mom role. The music was great, but I wished it had more of Eminem's own music. I'm not sure Eminem would do well in another kind of movie role, but he was great in this semi biopic of himself.

"Contact" the movie was on TV last night, and every time it's on TV, which seem like once a month, I have to watch it. I love the Ellie Arroway character. I so relate to her focus, her single mindedness, her intensity and how her driven qualities lead to her inevitable incredible loneliness. But in the movie, she's at least got her JC man, Palmer Joss, the ruggedly beautiful Matthew McConaughey. I'm like so jealous! Like where's my spiritual, beautiful JC man?

WOOHOO!!! I finished National Novel Writing Month a day early, and wrote 50,184 words. I'm not even done with my story, but I do intend to finish it soon.

I even figured out how to post a graphic to my bloggie. I'll have to post more pics soon.

I'm exhausted from writing like a fiend this whole month, but now I have to get back to writing my screenplay. I'm taking a class from Richard Schultz, who I believe is the head of the screenwriting department at UCLA and has taught most of the current screenwriters who have Hollywood films out. The class is in two weeks, and last year in a radio interview, Schultz said he would read screenplays if people brought them to class. I would so love to get feedback from him on my screenplay.

I can't believe I completed another year of Nanowrimo. It's so hard, so maddening, yet in the end I always feel good that I've pushed myself and accomplished something really cool like write 50K plus words in 30 days. Now that's great writing production.

I've got the day off, and I can't decide if I want to venture outside and brave the shopping hordes. I need a new watchband for my Timex Ironman triathlon watch, and would love to pick it up today but I'm not in the mood to deal with crowds.

Today is the supposed to be the best day to shop for deals at the stores, but it's you and everybody else in your neighborhood doing the same thing.

I feel like such a slug though. I finally made myself take a shower, after lounging around in my jammies for most of the day and picking at my leftover Thanksgiving food. I feel like I should at least get out, and do something like maybe go see a movie or something or run some errands. But I've got two more days of my weekend to do it, and part of me just wants to kick back and relax like a stuffed whale at the beach. Too bad there's no blazinlgy hot sun for me lie around in, to make the image complete.

There are three movies I want to see; Die Another Day, 8 Mile, and the new Harry Potter. But even these aren't temptation enough for me to want to leave the comfort of my own home.

There's a Mervyn's up the hill from where I live, and I'm pretty sure they sell watchbands, so I might just take the bus up there. If I go to Union Square, it will be a crazy zoo and crawling with way too many people. I feel to do just one productive thing today.

God, and I really have errands to do. My company Christmas party is next Friday, and I want to see if there's anything out there that I absolutely need to wear for Christmas this year. I want to see what's in style, what's hot and trendy, and then decide if what I have in my closet is still okay for another wearing. Now that I've lost some pounds, I can wear some holiday clothes that I haven't worn in a few years. Maybe they'll look kind of new because no one has seen me wearing them for quite some time.

I also want to look at Christmas decorations. I always buy at least 4-7 ornaments every year, just to have new things on the tree. But those darn crowds!

And then there's christmas shopping. I haven't even started that yet, although I did buy some stocking stuffer type things a few months ago.

Maybe if I just go for an hour, it won't be so bad. I just hate shopping when it's crowded.

Wow, Stars Wars Phantom Menace is on TV. God, I love Ewan MacGregor as Obiwon Kanobi! He is so darn cute!!! And I so don't care what the politically correct people say, I love Jar Jar Binks! Bring back Jar Jar!

I just got back from my aunt and uncle's house in San Jose. It's nice to see the relatives, since we don't get together very often. I brought a green bean and onion dish that I found at Epicurious that I debuted last Christmas. It's simple, easy to make and very tasty.

I arrived at my aunt's house at around 1:00 pm, and helped her with some last minute preparations. We ate at 3 pm, watched the football game on TV, and gossiped about the family. My other aunt and uncle from Oakland also were there, and it was nice to see them as well.

Then armed with leftovers, I drove home. I would have stayed longer, but my aunt wasn't feeling well so I decided to leave. I think she has the flu that everyone is getting. I hope she didn't cough on the food. She made a ton of food, and there was so much desserts to eat, I kissed my eating plan goodbye for the day.

I was so sleepy on the drive home, probably from the turkey. I was glad I only had a glass of wine with appetizers and a glass of wine at dinner, and no beer during the football game, even though I really wanted one. We were done eating by 4 pm, so I had a couple of hours to sober up before the drive home.

Maybe I got sleepy from the pumpkin pie, apple pie, chocolate cake, pumpkin cream cheese cake and ice cream that I had for dessert. Yes, I really did eat all those desserts and they were so heavenly and yummy. I thought I was going to burst at the end, and felt like a distended fat cow couch potato watching the football game .

Thank god I wore stretchy waist pants. I had better exercise double tomorrow, so I can work all that dessert off. I don't know how I fit a plate full of thanksgiving food and all that dessert into my tummy, but I did.

Speaking of football? What is up with Steve Spurrier and the Washington Redskins? Wasn't he that great college football coach who was supposed to make a splash in the NFL? At least, that's what all the sports talking heads were predicting about him. My uncles were bitching about their fantasy football league teams, and how they thought for sure Spurrier was going to be a winning coach in his first season. One of my uncles was pissed because he picked a couple of players from the Redskins teams for his fantasy football team.

Fantasy football sounds like such a trip. One of the companies I worked for had their own Fantasy Football League. It was run out of the Finance department that I was a part of. The draft was like such a big deal, and was very serious business. All the VPs played, and the directors, and what other football nuts they could find. Everyone took it so seriously.

I asked if I could join, and the director that I worked for said I could join up with him and this other guy. But then he started telling me about all the work involved and I was like "NO WAY". You have to watch the games, and keep track of the stats. Then when your players are doing badly, you have to research trades. Everyone did their research at work of course, but then you have to watch a ton of football games. So much work, and for what? A little money and prestige. It's such a guy thing.

Pet peeves of mine this morning. God, I hate that SF Chronicle radio ad for classified ads, only because it bugs me that the woman answering the phone says “chello”? I mean who the hell says “chello” Isn’t it Hello? Is this some new way of saying Hello that I’m blissfully unaware of?

I hate when people say “often” and they hard pronounce the “T”. This is a relatively new phenomenon. No one in England says often with an over annunciated “T”, and no one said the word this way ten years ago. Why are people saying it now? I asked my acting speech teacher, who was a stickler for speaking correct English, and he said it was so totally wrong and people are over annunciating the “T” to sound intelligent. Whenever I hear someone saying it, and everyone seems to be saying it lately, I think of that person as snooty and snobby, and trying to prove to other people that they’re intelligent. And if they’re trying to prove they’re intelligent, it must mean they think they’re stupid. And you know what, they’re right.

I'm at 41,881 words for Nanowrimo and back on schedule. Unlike last year when I only was behind a couple of times in my word count, I've spent most of this year's Nanowrimo always being behind and having to play catch up. The loss of a fully functioning computer for three weeks didn't help me either.

So many participants have already passed the 50K mark. I have half a mind to write more every day, just so I can finish early. My writing limit seems to be 5,000 words. I think Stephen King said in his book "On Writing", that he wrote 10K words a day. I don't know how he does it, and the only explanation I can come up with is 1) his only job is to write and 2) he's been doing it so much longer than I have.

Working a full time job really does take up alot of my energy, energy that I could be devoting to writing. Still, 5,000 words a day isn't that bad for a day's worth of writing, but those 5,000 words don't come easy. The first 3,000 words pretty much flow out, and the last 2,000 I have to really figh to get out. 1,667 words a day is by comparison relatively easy compared to the 5,000 word days I've been forced to do.

And on November 30, I still won't be done with my novel. I think the Nanowrimo folks wanted a fully completed novel, and my novel will be completed, but the story just isn't finished yet. By November 30, I will have finished the the first part of the story, but I still have parts 2 and 3 to go. Part one of this story could stand on its own as a mini novel or be part of serial novel. Dickens wrote this way I believe.

I definitely intend to finish parts two and three though, only because I'm curious to see how it all works out. I mean I know how the story ends, I just don't know the details and it's the details that I'm most interested in knowing.

Interesting article from the National Revie Online about The Possible Collapse of the Government in Iran. There are many whispers around the net, that the true source and supporter of the all the muslim terrorists and Bin Laden, is Iran.

The following was taken from a DOD transcript of Secretary Rumsfeld En Route to Prague, Czech Republic. It's interesting to hear Rumsy speak about what other countries are offering to do, in the event we go to war with Iraq.

I love reading the DOD transcripts whenever Rumsy speaks. You learn so much more about the Iraq situation by reading these transcripts, than you do reading or listening to the news. My college profs were right when they said, always use original source materials and never trust secondary sources.

<[Q: Mr. Secretary you said you'd been getting offers every day from other countries to help disarm Iraq by force could you talk at all about the details of those offers? Do you expect further such offers at the NATO summit]?

Rumsfeld: I don't know that I've said we're getting offers everyday. I may have, if I did, I think we're getting more accurately to say we're getting responses every day. And they fit into a variety of categories, one category is That we would like to be helpful and start planning now in the event that force is used with or without the UN resolution. Another category is we would like to be helpful and begin planning now but only if there is a UN resolution indicating that it's appropriate for member states to use appropriate force. Still others are saying we are not in a position to cooperate with Iraq but on the other hand we would be willing to provide assistance in other ways. That might be force protection in a host country. It might be back-fill and support for some of the things we're doing elsewhere in the world where as they don't feel they'd like to be involved in the event force is used in Iraq but they could be helpful to us and free up some of our capabilities.

A forth category would be we don't want to help. A fifth category would be in the event force is used and the regime is changed we would like to cooperate with a coalition of the willing after the fact to assist Iraq from a humanitarian standpoint, and that type of thing, like so many countries are doing in Afghanistan. So they're these various baskets and a large number of countries have responded to those and a recently some additional inquiries have gone out and there are a number of countries that are in the planning process.

I think one of the reason so many countries are currently involved with planning that they recognize that there would not have been a UN resolution absent the potential of the use of force. That the build up that's taken place and the cooperative arrangements that are being fashioned among a coalition or the willing reinforces the diplomacy and creates a much better environment for the united nations because it ought to persuade the Iraqi's that the united nations and the coalition countries are serious. >

I'm dying to know which country is in what basket. Like who would volunteer to rebuild Iraq in the case of a regime change, but wouldn't to get involved in the war? To the victor goes the spoils? Who is the victor in Iraq's case, and who would have the most to gain by being involved in Iraq's rebuilding. My guess is Iran, Saudi Arabia maybe.

I just got through reading a post over at Dietchick's Blog about losing weight. It made me think about why I'm losing weight.

I decided to lose weight, primarily because of health reasons. I used to have very low blood pressure, 110/70 and a very low resting heart rate, 60. About two years, my doctor noticed that my blood pressure was slightly elevated (130/90). He was very concerned for my health, because it had been below normal for so long. He basically told me to lose weight and exercise, or he was going to put me on high blood pressure medication. He told me normally he wouldn't be concerned because it wasn't like I had really high blood pressure, but because my old pressure was so low the increase was too much to ignore. A normal blood pressure is 120/80.

I got so freaked out. I also started to notice that I was having pains in the bottom of both heels, when I walked. My left hip, which is a little high because of my scoliosis, started to really hurt. I told my doctor about these various pains, and he said my increased weight was causing all these problems.

I've never believed in losing weight just for the sake of appearances, and I'm a big believer in accepting yourself for who you are, but I also noticed that I wasn't as self confident as I had been when I was thinner. In fact, my self confidence around men was practically zero, and I would freak myself out whenever I went out on first dates or met really cute guys. I couldn't help but think, why would anyone be interested in me at this heavy weight person, especially now that I was unhealthy and having pains all the time. Talk about feeling geriactric in a serious hurry.

So I went about trying to lose weight last year, and I took off 20 pounds, and my blood pressure came back down to normal, not my normal low pressure, but normal enough, and the pains in my heels for the most part disappeared. And my self confidence improved a wee bit, but not enough where I felt that good about myself. Still, I felt a whole lot better than did the year before.

It wasn't until I met the really cute guy in my screenwriting class in the spring, that I realized my self confidence was still too low, I still felt totally unnattractive, and sadly, very unworthy around a man I was wildly attracted to. I didn't put it all together until around July or August, but once I did, weight loss became essential not only to continue my journey towards better health, but also towards feeling better about myself. I don't think I would have even contemplated losing weight, unless my health and my general well being about myself weren't being threatened somehow.

Losing weight is so not easy. It's much easier for me to eat all the food I want and not worry about my body. I envy people whose bodies can take all that extra weight, and not feel physical pain or have their health or their self esteeem compromised. I'm not one of those people. My extra weight put my health in jeopardy, and put me on a totally bad trip about who I was, what I was, and what I looked like. I can't believe I let "my weight, my fat" take control of my life like that, and threaten the very things I had always taken for granted; good health and well being.

That's my weight loss story for now. Maybe it will change in a few months when I finally reach my goal weight, maybe it won't. But I already feel better with the weight that I have lost, and although my left hip still hurts (will probably always hurt a little), all the little physical pains that I thought were part and parcel of life are gone. And that's been the biggest and best benefit of my weight loss plan so far. Everything else after that for me right now, is gravy, extra. And what's great is how much happier I am, knowing that my body works again without pain and that I'm doing something to make my life better.

My company just hired four temps last week. They've all come from well paying jobs, and things must really be hard out there if they're taking temp jobs in a call center. I don't blame them. If I was in their position, I think I'd take any kind of temp job I could get just to make rent or have extra.

I have a friend who's been out of work since January, and now she's working in a retail store for the holidays since her unemployment checks stopped. She can reapply unemployment next year, but she has to make a certain amount of money this year or she won't qualify. She seems to be taking it all in stride, but I wonder.

God, I hate downloading software from the Internet. I was trying to install this book/cd I bought a few years ago called "Wingmakers", and I kept getting a failure message. From the research I've been able to do, I have to make sure all the drivers on my pc are updated.

I have an Nvidia GeForce sound and graphics card, that have pages and pages devoted to they mess up other games. Nvidia just put out a driver fix on 11/20, and I've been trying to download it all day. Me and everyone else who owns the Nvidia graphics/sound card. What a pain.

I found the ebook/cd on my old hard drive, and I can actually run it from there, but I'd like to install it on my new hard drive. I'd like reformat my old drive just to clean it out, but I may just leave it just in case there's something else I can't install.

While doing my research on my pc problem, I found a website called www.annoyances.org. It's a website for people who use Microsoft products. People post rants and tips on how to solve various Microsoft annoyances. Very funny but frightening due to the large volume of messages. Spooky!

Wow. I'm under the 150 pounds mark. I'm showing big weight losses because of all the cleanses I'm doing. Cleanses will clean your insides out, and if you have a tendency to retain water like me, it gets rid of the water as well.

After last week's cleanse, I was afraid I would gain all the weight back but I didn't. YEAH!!! I'm also going strictly vegetarian for awhile, except for the Thanksgiving weekend and possibly Christmas, and my company Christmas party. When I go strictly vegetarian, it's easier to stick to my eating plan,

One thing about this weight loss that I totally love is I now can wear some of the tighter fitting clothes in my closet. The necks on my turtlenecks, even the really tight ones, are loose, and it's so cool.

I'm dying to buy some clothes, especially now with all the christmas catalogs flooding my mailbox, but I feel like I should wait until I'm done. Everything looks baggy on me, except for waistlines which are loose but not that loose.

My extra large sweaters are definitely going to have to be thrown out or just used to wear around the house, because those sweaters are just hanging on me now. The loose necks on my turtlenecks is definitely the coolest thing though.

I did another cleanse yesterday. This cleanse is from the"The Cure for All Diseases" By Dr. Hulda Clark. This juice cleanse is designed to cleanse your liver of gallstones and cholesterol.

Who knows if cleanses really work, but it's amazing what I've been passing out of my body, and I say it's got to be much healthier to have the stuff outside of my body and in the toilet bowl, than inside of my body and cause who knows what kind of cellular damage.

The ingredients for this cleanse are 3 cups of fresh squeezed apple and grapefruit juice, 4 tablespoons of epsom salts, 1 big grapefruit and 1/2 cup of olive oil.

You start Friday and by Saturday afternoon you're done, so it's relatively painless except for the taste of some of the ingredients. The cleanse instructions tell you what to expect to pass, and sure enough I passed exactly what it said; tan and green tiny stones and tan colored chaff which is supposed to be cholesterol crystals. It's scary to think my body is storing this stuff, but it's coming out.

You can repeat the cleanse, which I'll probably do it once a month until I don't see that stuff coming out anymore. Your allergies are supposed to decrease as a result of this cleanse, so I'm hoping this will be my personal result.

The other cleanse that looks promising and not to difficult is a kidney stone cleanse, which is supposed to dissolve your kidney stones. That cleanse will have to wait until December.

This is old news from 9/19/2002, but a friend of mine told me to buy Apple Computer stock. He said that Apple is coming out with a 64-bit chip. This friend said it's the same chip that Silicon Graphics uses to do all the movie effects, and it will be the equivalent of having a cray supercomputer on your desktop. He said it will blow Intel and all the other chipmakers out of the water, and should boost Apple stock big time if they release it in 2003. But then he laughed and said, that Apple is notoriously late about delivering products to the market. But then he said, buy the stock now so when they do release the chip, I can make money when the stock shoots up.

This news make me cringe, since I just bought a 1.6 gig chip and a pc last week. I hate techhnology sometimes, don't you?

All the layoffs are starting to scare me. Do they frighten you as well? So many people being laid off, and I don't think they're done yet. Look to first quarter 2003 to see some real bloodletting if the economy doesn't pick up.

I'm very blue today. Maybe it's the blue meanies? I'm listening to Chant by The Benedictine Monks of Santa Domingo de Silos. I'm hoping the monks' Gregorian chants will soothe my nerves. I used to love to listen to Gregorian chants in college, and this music brings that part of my life all back. I probably need to rebuild my Gregorian chant collection again, since what I have is all on vinyl and I haven't had a record player in years.

I've got new upstairs neighbors, and they're totally noisy. My apartment building has hardwood floor and ceilings and floors are very thin. The couple walk around in their shoes when they're in their apartment at night and in the morning, and these past two nights I awoke in the middle of the night to crashing noises. Either someone fell out of bed, or they're doing it at 3 am in the morning and their bed is bouncing up and down. I can hear every step they take, and it's so horrendously annoying!

The whole thing makes me depressed about my living situation, and I haven't been willing to admit it to myself, but my apartment is just not a fun place to live anymore. I was having trouble writing in my apartment, and I attributed my malaise to me needing to sometimes change my writing environment.

It's now beginning to dawn on me, that my apartment is to blame. It's just too small, and it's noisy and I need more space. Now comes the part where I sometimes wish I didn't live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. If lived anywhere else, I could afford to by my own place.

I have a friend who lives in Portland, Oregon. She and her husband own their own home, and have two sons. She's a stay at home soccer mom, and her husband supports all of them on his salary, and I make 25% more than he does. I make more money than he does, and I can barely afford to support myself living here.

The city and county of San Francisco is just such an expensive place to live. I know if I lived outside of the city, my paycheck would stretch much further, but I hate living outside of the city.

The only reason I stay in my place is it's very cheap, and everyone says I should stay here until I can afford to buy my own place. But I don't know. Is it worth it to stay in a place and be miserable? If I move to a bigger place, I wouldn't be able to save as much money as I would want, but I'd still be able to save. It would just mean my plan to purchase a place would be delayed a year or two. And what's a year or two?

I was thinking about my housing situation at work today, and I got the feeling deep in my heart that it's time to move on. I've never gotten this feeling about my apartment before, and the feeling was very sure and strong.

This is partly why I'm so down. I think moving places is traumatic. I used to move every two years, and this is the first place I've been in for longer than two years. I love the location, I love the neighbourhood, I love my view, and I like all of my neighbors, except for the noisy freaks of nature upstairs. I have an odd feeling of comfort about where I live, which probably stems from the length of my stay here.

But it's time to move on. I'm definitely staying in this neighborhood though. I just have to find a bigger place that has lots of windows and light, a view, and is on the top floor so I don't have to hear lead foot smegheads shagging above me in the middle of the bloody night.

I just finished reading one of my favorite astrology websites, and it said that Sagitarius is a hidden epicure. The oh so beautiful screenwriting marina hottie boy whom I had a seriously secret major crush, was somewhat of a sommelier. The boy seriously knew his wine, and I think his food as well, although he said he was lactose intolerant.

I wonder what my favorite crush is doing these days. I wonder if he ever finished his screenplay. He didn't seem to be very good at finishing projects. I wished we could have stayed friends and kept in touch, but it was destined to be.

I'm caught up with my nanowrimo novel through Tuesday. It's getting harder and harder to write, because now I'm on the part where the women are going through four trials that they need to pass to become the Head Priestess.

The first trial was to build an a makeshift village, in case of a tribal disaster. This trial came out of the history of the tribe, when the tribe was attacked and their homes were destroyed. The Head Priestess at the time, put together a makeshift village in another location that the tribe moved to until they could rebuild a permanent village. The village had to be put together in 8 hours, which is how long it look that ancient Head Priestess to complete the makeshift village.

The details of the first trial actually came pretty easily to me. I saw it as kind of emerency camping. You put together tents, fire pits, a cooking space, and you gather food and herbs.

The second trial is much more complicated. Keep in mind, that I'm making all of this stuff up as I go along. The second trial consists of two parts. The first part is Magical Potions. Each candidate will make up several random potions. The second part is to prepare a feast fit for a Head Tribal Chief. The second part of the trial stems again from the function of the Head Priestess and their history. If the Head Tribal Chief is without a spouse, the Head Priestess becomes the Queen, the consort sometimes, until the Head Tribal Chief takes a wife. The Head Priestess must be able to demonstrate that she can prepare a feast for a Head Tribal Chief and any visiting Head Tribal Chiefs. In the tribal history, several Head Priestess had to fulfill the function of the Queen, and the trial is insure the candidate will make a good Queen.

Don't ask my why I put this part in, but it made sense at the time I was writing it. But the hard part now is trying to come up with the random magical potions for the test and the food for the feast. I don't think I can just sit down and write this part, without giving it some serious thought.

I have all weekend to get caught up, so I'm actually not that worried. And then I have two days off for Thanksgiving, so if I really get behind, I have that last weekend to write like crazy to get to the 50K mark. I'm at 32,000 words, so I'm not that doing that badly yet. I just hate falling behind like this, because then if I keep doing it, it gets harder and harder to get caught up again.

I finally got around to watching the movie "Clerks" the other day. God, the acting was very, very bad. I think I could have even out acted these people, and I'm not a very good actress myself. I think if the acting wasn't so bad, I would have really liked this movie more. Some of it was very funny that it made me laugh out loud, but in between the laughs was horrible, horrible acting. The Dante character was good, and at least he could deliver his lines. Veronica and the odd assortment of store customers were also quite good. It was the Randall character and the Caitlin character that made me feel like turning the movie off. Too bad too, because the Randall character had some great lines; he just delivered them in the worse way possible.

God, talk about unattractive people in a movie as well!

The other thing I noticed was how chatty some of the scenes were, and how utterly boring they were. Now I know what my screenwritng teacher meant when she said to not have pages and pages of dialogue. Oh my god, it's so boring to watch people talk and not do anything. And even if they are doing something, don't have them talk for very long because it just doesn't play well on a big screen.

I also decided to watch "The Fast and the Furious". I wished I'd seen this movie in a big theatre. Some of the car racing scenes were very thrilling, and would have looked great on a big movie theatre instead of my TV screen. The movie also had a great soundtrack, which again would have sounded great in a movie theatre.

I was supposed to see this movie with a guy friend of mine. We kept trying to come up with a date to see it, but something always came up, and he ended up seeing it by himself. Now I'm bummed, because he was right. It's a darn good movie.

Vin Diesel was of course fascinating, although not as sexy without those great tatoos from Triple X. Still, there's some very intriguing about him as an actor that make you want to watch him.

I loved how all those Nissan Sentras, Hondas, and Jettas were turned into very fast cars. My boyfriend in highschool was a car nut, and I learned to love fast cars and powerful engines from being with him.

There was a whole thing in The Fast and the Furious about driving at 140 mph. I can say honestly that I was in a car that was going 140 mph, with my car crazy highschool boyfriend driving.

There's one straightaway on the island of Kauai that is great for racing. The road is completely straight and flat, and people would often race down this little strip, or at least they did when I was in highschool.

My highschool boyfriend and I were taking a member of this singing group visiting my highschool from Spain to some event. I was in Spanish class so I was a hostess for one of the spanish singers, which is how my boyfriend got roped into being our chauffer. We were running late, and my boyfriend drove like crazy to get us to the event on time.

We were speeding down the straightaway, when I noticed that the scenery outside the car was whizzing by more quickly than what I was used to. I glanced at the speedometer, and it read 140 mph. I registered the speed in my mind, but my boyfreind was such an excellent driver that it didn't really bother me that we were going that fast.

It wasn't until we were getting out of the car at our destination, that the spanish musician asked about the speed of the car since he noticed the speed of the car as well. He just thought we were going 140 kilometers, and not 140 mph. When my boyfriend told him we were driving 140 mph, the guy kind of freaked out and had a hissy fit about the danger of driving so fast.

I remember my boyfriend looking at me like, I was trying to help, you got me into this mess now get me the hell out. I smiled, interrupted the spanish musician and told him we were late so we had better get inside.

When I saw the 140 mph come up in the movie, it brought an amusing incident from my past back that I hadn't thought about in years.

I've spent the last two days at work redoing an analysis I did. My boss said that something was off in my methodology, and I told him I'd already checked it, but to reassure him I said I'd go over everything again. Sure enough, I think he was right although my program was still running when I left work and I won't find out till tomorrow.

I was dealing with a file with 2 million rows, and it was hard to work with because of its size. I decided to filter the data earlier instead of later, so my table would be smaller. The early filter skewed the results. I could have sworn though that I took the early filter off and reran the data last week, and the results were the same, but I got a different result today. I won't find out for sure till tomorrow though.

Because of the new computer, I'm two days behind in my word count. I'm current as of Monday, and to be two days behind is not that bad.

I have a ring of elfin power in the story, and it's turning out to quite interesting. Here's a taste of it. Please excuse the shitty first draftiness of what you're going to read below.

***************
Mother was lying. I knew it and I attributed the ring's heat as an indication that told me Mother was not telling the truth. But would she lie to me? To this day, I do not know what possessed Mother to lie to me like that. When I was able to question her before her death, she just smiled and said she didn't want to worry me with her fears.

The days for me are long for now. I am alone as everyone I know is dead. Mother's reluctance to tell me what her fears her is an issue that I cannot help but ponder over and over. The only conclusion that I have come to which makes the most sense, and which scares me still, is the strange blue ring was already starting to influence the people around me, without me or anyone else knowing it.

I still wear the ring. Now that everyone is dead, I do not see harm in wearing it since it can longer influence anyone nor can I use my powers for anything other than taking care of tired and broken body.

Mother was right to be afraid of the power of the ring. In her wisdom as a healer, she saw intuitively that the incredible power the ring offered would not just stop at herself, but would exert its power and influence over other people as well. I wish I had Mother's wisdom when I was her age.

But I was foolish, and the ring fed into my desire for power, and to avenge the family honour. The ring also fed into my hatred of Cashani, and used it against me.

That such a beautiful thing could be so deadly still amazes me. But what is still amazing is that there are no family legends about the absolute power of the ring. As Mother reminded me on her death bed, the family histories and legends were often written by the head priestesses in our family. I am sure that the power of the ring would not allow its wearer to disclose its power. So I went blindly into my destiny, and I cannot help but think how different things would have come out were it not for my ambition, my lust for power, and strange blue stone elfin ring.
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I saw Gerhard Richter's painting retrospective at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art on Saturday. Gerhard is a german painter, and the exhibit showed thirty years of his paintings. Richter was an interesting painter. The man can definitely paint, and there two portraits, one of his wife and his daugher, that looked like photographs. His brushstroke work was amazing and very, very fine. When I looked closely at these paintings, I was amazed at how Richter achieved such fineness in his strokes. The rest of the Richter's paintings are abstract, and I could see how Richter was trying to explore the medium of paint. There was even a set of painting sthat was commissioned by the Vatican to depict St Francis of Assisi, that was on exhibit because the Vatican thought the five paintings were too abstract.

Richter often painted over canvases first, and then repainted them over and over again, and sometimes scraping off the paint. There was set of paintings from 1999 which exemplified this technique of Richter's. It was my favorite part of the exhibit, only because I did that witih my collages. I used to make collages, and sometmes I would take either a knife or scissors and just slash the collage up. It was a violent act, but I just felt the urge to do it especially for the more disturbing of my collages.

As a side note, there was guy walking around SFMOMA who looked exactly like Weird Al Yankovic. I didn't think it was him, but I kept seeing him. When I went into the SFMOMA store, I heard the clerks talking about meeting him and how he was here in San Francisco for some animation festival. I was right, it was him, and I was sort of tempted to go up to him and say "you're that guy who does all the songs spoofs aren't you?" But I didn't. That's so rude. Weird Al is very thin in person, and really does have longish very curly brown hair, and he really does look like he does in his videos.

I finished updating everything on my PC last night, except for a free printing program that came with my printer and a free graphics software program an Aussie coworker gave me in 1999. I decided to name my PC, just to give it a name. I named my care Siegfreid or Sieggy for short, because my VW Golf reminds me of german husky boy.

I've named my PC, Clive Lord PerCy, because my computer is my lord and master. Wasn't Percy the name of the Scarlet Pimpernel? I loved the Scarlet Pimpernel movies on A&E.

I found my screenplay last night, but it was bittersweet. I'm glad that I was able to retrieve it, but the last three critical scenes that I was working on right before my PC crashed weren't saved. I'll have to check if the program has ten minutes saves.

I still have to upgrade the virus software. I installed my old one, even though a message keeps popping that it might not work properly. I think I'm okay for awhile as long as I don't upload any files from a disk into my computer. My ISP screens my mail for viruses, so thankfully I'm protected from email viruses at least.

I'm listening to Amadeus, the soundtrack from the movie. I loved this movie, especially the music. I loved how Tom Hulce potrayed Mozart as hearing complete finished musical pieces in his head, and how he never made corrections on his music. I wish my writing could be like that. I also have Immortal Beloved, a movie about Beethoven's life, which I also love.

I love the character of Salieri. I think that every writer, composer, any kind of artist runs into many Salieris in their life. Art is a weird thing. It's sort of like money and food. One either has it and then some, or one does not, and there doesn't seem to be very few inbetweens. And what's sad is, the ones who don't have it often have the unfortunate gift of recognizing when others really do have "it". I think what is also the case, is the artist who has it, doesn't know they have it, and are constantly plagued by doubts and insecurities no matter how much money or fame may come their way.

I think everyone has talents, some definitely more than others, and then others, it's like it's their destiny or something that they are going to reach the pinnacles of their profession. Mozart definitely was one of those who was born with it, and seemed destined for greatness. I think of the Beatles in the same way. Musical Genuises.

I think I picked up the flu bug that everyone seems to be coming down with lately. I woke up, and my throat was all scratchy and I felt blah. I called in sick at work, which is just as well, since I can now spend the whole upgrading my computer.

I figured out last night that I probably didn't have to go through all the trouble of uninstalling IE6, just so I could keep my bookmarks. I could have probably just copied them, but that's not what the support pages would have you believe. There is so much disinformation on the Net about computers, it's amazing.

I installed Outlook 2000, and imported my old .pst files from Outlook 98. The support pages basically say you can't do that, but I did it. That's when I figured out I could have just copied my bookmarks. So I probably wasted two hours last night downloading "stuff" from the Windows Update. Oh well, live and learn. I should have just listened to my instincts.

After two hours this morning, I finally got my old scanner to work. I found some website called www.driverguide.com. It's database for all kinds of drivers. It took three tries, and four downloads of different files, but I finall got the thing to work. I have an old Optrox Photomaker 6E scanner.

I can't get my virus software or my fax software to work, both products of Symantec, who got smart and went the Microsoft way and started making their products obsolete so you're forced to upgrade and spend money.

Supposedly, Windows Office 2000 comes with some kind of Symantec fax software that you can use, so I must hold off on upgrading my Winfax Pro 9.0. My ISP now automatically scans emails for viruses, which is nice, but I think I still need to upgrade my virus software. I had McAfee for while, and there was this program called Guard Dog which I really liked. I think it was a simple prototype for personal firewall. I like having a personal firewall, and am debating whether I need to spend another $50 for a new personal firewall software and new virus software.

Now I know why people hate upgrading their pcs, and why businesses loathe it. Once you upgrade the operating system, everything else needs to be upgraded.

I wonder if I can donate all my now so obsolete software to some charity and get a tax write-off?

Woohooo! I picked up the new computer today, and everything is working. I'm bad though. I wanted to export my Favorites and Cookies from Internet Explorer, but the new machine has version 6, and I had version 5

I checked on the Microsoft Knowledge base, and I found a sheet that said I could uninstall Explorer 6, if I uninstalled Windows 2000 service 3 pack 3. So I did that, and like magic, I was able to unistall version 6. I copied my Favorites internet shortcuts and cookies from my old drive, which is now a secondary drive on my new computer, and pasted them into my new drive.

It worked, so I tested a few shortcuts and they worked. Then I exported all my Favorites and cookie into a file, and now all I have to do is reinstall Explorer 6 and Windows 2000 service pack 3, and I'm back in business.

I love all those support documents on Microsoft's support page, that says I can't do stuff like this and I do them anyway and they work. Now my only thought is, I wonder if I had just copied my Favorites and Cookies, would they have worked in IE6 without having to do all the uninstalling? The Microsoft support pages said that internet shortcuts in IE5 might not work in IE6, but how much can you trust those support pages. I'll never know. I'm probably going to be spending the rest of the night dowloading and reloading all my software.

I have to tackle moving my mail next. I'm sure that will be quite an experience too.

One thing. I had a bootleg copy of Microsoft Plus, and I miss my sounds, my pointers, and my icons. I think I might have to buy Microsoft Plus for Windows 2000 to get them back.

I'm half way through Nanowrimo and I've written 25,085 words. It has really been slow going, and I have ahd to force myself to write so I can make my word count. The story is really becoming interesting, and it's fascinating to see what's coming out.

It's an odd story because I'm having the main character tell it after it's already happening. This allows my main character to comment on her actions as she's telling the story, and to have regrets that she made certain decisions, but having to admit at the end that even in hindsight her actions made perfect sense at the time. I like a character who wishes things were different, and saying if only I'd known maybe my life would be different, but then having to admit that they'd do it all over again or that circumstances were such that they were forced to make that decision. A friend of mine thinks this is a depressing view of humanity, but I think it's realistic. I think if there was such a thing as second chances, most people would commit the same mistake over and over again. It's human nature.

I saw "Lackawanna Blues" at ACT last night. It's basically a one-man performance, with a guitarist to accompany him. The play was performed by Ruben Santiago-Hudson, with Bill Sims, Jr. on guitar. The performance was amazing! At the end, he received a standing ovation. It's hard for one person to be that entertaining for a long period of time, but Santiago-Hudson's storytelling skills were amazing. Having done a five minute story telling performance myself, I can tell you that it's the most difficult thing for an actor to do. The focus is all on you, and you're doing all the voices, and you have to be constantly be in high energy, otherwise you'd never get through the performance.

I saw Santiago-Hudson in August Wilson's "Seven Guitars" at ACT a few years ago, and when the production went to Broadway, Santiago-Hudson won a Tony award for his performance in the play.

L-Blues is the true story of his surrogate mother Miss Rachel "Nanny" Crosby, and it's a revealing look at a slice of African-American history in the Great Lakes region during the 50's and 60's. There is so much about African-American history that I don't know, that I don't think they teach in school, that I'm finding out through plays like his.

I decided I needed to do a juice cleanse starting today because I've been eating chocolate like a fiend since Halloween. The chocolate binge has not been great for my weight loss, and I've gained about 2.5 pounds since November 2. I'm a little freaked out about the whole thing, but it's been eye opening to see how much I really eat if I'm not keeping track.

I think the cleanse will get me back on track, and hopefully rid me of my chocolate binge. God, I love chocolate and I think I can still eat it, just not in the huge amounts I've been eating it since Halloween. Of course, it doesn't help that everyone at work brought their leftover candy to the office and I have absolutely no self control when it comes to free candy. Thankfully, the candy is now all gone, thanks in part to me.

A friend of mine says it's a mistake to try to eat right during the holidays She's given up herself starting right before Halloween. I told her I could handle it, but I'm starting to wonder. I saw an add for eggnog, and I'm addicted to eggnog. I only drink it at Christmas time, but last year I drank about a gallon a week until they stopped selling it in the store.

I'll have to figure out a way how I can drink eggnog, and still stick to my eating plan. I know there has to be a way.

I really want to see the movie "8 Mile" with Eminem. The reviews have been fantastic, and the critics are raving. I love the song from the movie, "Lose Yourself". When I listen to that song, I feel like I know what he means when says you only have one chance to make it and you have to lose yourself in the music. I feel the same way about my writing.

The kid has a gift for words and rhyme that is incredible. His song lyrics are controversial, but art is supposed to sometimes freak you out. Art brings out what is hidden in society, and it's not like Eminem is rapping about anything new. We all know people who have the same attitudes that Eminem has in his songs. The PC people want him banned, as if banning Eminem and sweeping him and his music and his attitudes under the rug is going to make the controversial issues he writes about go away. I think it's better that the controversial issues are out there front and center, so we as a society can look at them, talk about them, and maybe find a way to solve them or change them if we want. My attitude is controversial and so not PC, but I don't care. It's just my own personal opinion after all.

I'm trying to decide if I need to see more operas. The SF Opera is performing "Hansel and Gretel", which they haven't done since the 1930's. This version I think was done recently in Chicago, and is supposed to be a darker tale. H&G was one of my favorite fairy tales when I was a child.

SF Opera is also doing Handel's "Alcina". I really love Handel's music, and didn't know he wrote any operas. The flyer says it's a "baroque masterpiece", and I sort of like baroque type music.

Opera is so expensive, even the cheapie up in the rafter seats. And with Christmas coming up, I know my budget will be stretched. I've tried making a budget for Christmas in the past, but I always overshoot the amount big time.

I love opera so much! It's so cool and the music is so great! Maybe next year I'll get subscription, which I think in the long run is cheaper. I love the story lines in opera as well, and find them very educational for how to create a tight plot structure. These opera stories have been told for years, and people never get tired of them since they are so universal.

So being bitchy and whiny sometimes does really work. I called CompUSA to find out about the progress on my new PC, only to find out that the tech who is supposed to build my computer didn't get the order till today. I put the order in on Friday, and I was a little put out at finding this piece of information out. Okay, I admit I was damned pissed as hell. So I'm trying to hold my temper with the poor tech guy, and he's profusely apologizing and trying to calm my whiny, bitchy self down. My mother is the ultimate whiny bitchy princess chick, so I've had terrific training.

The poor tech guy then says that for my trouble, he'll upgrade my 1.6 gig chip to 1.7 gig, and he'll also give me a faster hard drive for my trouble. I guess I should be happy, because hey - you can't knock faster equipment, but still. I now won't get my computer till Sunday afternoon.

The tech guy said something about Friday night, but he said he would have to rush to get it done. So I'm like, no way, I don't want any more mess ups. I told him I'd pick it up Sunday afternoon so he didn't have to rush, and he could make sure that my new PC is in perfect running condition when I come and get it.

Man, I hate to pull the whiny bitchy routine but if I don't do it, I never get the results I want. But when I act like a screaming crazy banshee I get my stuff and I get an upgrade. Go figure!

Books and Authors referenced by Russell Targ and Jane Katra. I'm adding them to my reading list.

Ingo Swann – any book
Carl Jung – Dreams, Memories and Reflections
Herodotus - The Oracle of Delphi
The Vedas
The Patanjali Sutras – Isherwood translation
The EPR Effect – Einstein, Podolsky, & Rosen 1935 - the theory of non-locality
Larry Dossey
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Victor Frankel – Man’s Search for Meaning
Carl Sagan – The Demon Haunted World
Longchen Rabjam (Longchempa) – Dzogchen Buddhism
Joe McMoneagle
Ian Stevenson
FW Meyers
Father Thomas Keating

I think I'll start on Herodotus first. I haven't read him in a long time.

My programs took forever to run today, so I had some down time. I'm now caught up in my Nanowrimo story, and my word count is at 20,132 words. YEAH! I'm back on the word count schedule for now. I have to keep up, because knowing me, it would be so, so easy to fall behind.

Maybe I should be happy our servers and systems at work are so darn slow!

One person from San Francisco has already finished Nanowrimo, and wrote 50K words. This person must not work for a living or something, because that's alot of writing to do in lesss than 15 days. Even if I try to write all day on the weekend, I can only write so many pages before I get burnt out. I really admire that person's amazing productivity.

I just read a Tolkien fan fiction story. It was so strange. I have never felt the urge to write fan fiction. Why would I want to make up a section for someone else's story, when I could write my own story? But that's just me.

Fan fiction is so interesting because you have to really know the characters from the story inside and out, to write a totally made up story about them. There's never been a fictional character who has inspired me enough to want to ever write fan fiction. I think fan fiction is a strange thing, but I do admire the people who do it. Some of them are terrific writers and have incredible imaginations.

I wrote all night last night and was almost caught up for Monday's word count, but then sleep overcame me and I went to bed. I'll be caught up by tonight, and I'm happy about that.

The story is kind of going all over the place right now, but I think that's okay. It's just a shitty first draft after all.

The weekend was so hectic and tiring, that I'm now two days behind in my word count for my novel. YIKES!!! I'm really going to have to sit down and write like a fiend these next few days to get caught up. They're still builidng my new computer, and I probably won't get it til Wednesday, so I'm still typing my baby laptop. I shouldn't whine so, at least I'm not handwriting my novel.

The seminar on Sunday by Sean David Morton was quite good. I learned more Tibetan meditation techniques and now have a new book called "The Tibetan Tradition of Mental Development" by the Dalai Lama. I was able to do a yoga position called "the wheel or upward bow pose or backbend" that I haven't able to do in a long time. You lie on your back and lift yourself up by your hands and your feet till you look like wheel basically. I was happy that I finally felt I had enough strength in my arms to do this position.

There were other things I learned in the seminar, and I may write about them one day.

Other things I did. I rented three movies to relax myself and saw: Blade, The Virgin Suicides and Hollywood Ending. I loved The Virgin Suicides. I thought Blade was a fun and modern twist on the vampire legend, and there were parts of Woody Allen's Hollywood Ending that were quite funny. Treat Williams was great as a movie mogul in the movie. Woody was his usual whiny self, and god sometimes that whine is just so boring. I loved Tea Leoni's clothes but thought she wasn't quite up to par for the movie, as say Helen Hunt. Leoni was almost too serious for the movie, and should have probably played it more tongue in cheek like Treat Williams.

I need to read the book The Virgin Suicides. What a strange and beautiful movie. I loved the 70's soundtrack and Josh Harnett, was like HOT!!! as a 70's stud complete with puka shell necklace, fuzzy 70's rock star long hair and a velvet tux. I never thought of Josh Hartnett as very good looking until I saw him swaggering down the halls in The Virgin Suicides. YOWSA!!! He'd turn my head double time if he was walking down the street. I think I'd be like women in the movie, and follow that boy with my tongue hanging out of my mouth. He was so darn cute and sexy!!! Hartnett looked almost too clean in his previous movies, even for my tastes, but in The Virgin Suicides he was a mouth watering treat! He was almost as hot as Vin Diesel, but in a completely different way.

What's weird is I kind of understood in a strange way, how the girls could kill themselves. I was disturbed that I could sympathize with the girls wanting to kill themselves, but being a teenage girl is the weirdest thing in the whole wide world. At least that's my memory of those years.

I think Sophia Coppola as a first time film director and screewriter adapter did a fantastic job. I wish my own screenplay was as visually expressive as hers was. I definitely could learn a thing or two from her.