I'm listening The Byrds greatest hits. I heard their song "8 miles high" on the radio the other day, and it reminded me of my friend B from Chicago, whom I lost touch with when she moved to NYC. "8 miles high" was her favourite song, because she loved being high and walking around in her hip huggers and skimpy shirts with all the guys staring at her.

She was really tall, couldn't gain weight to save her life and had a naturally flat tummy. Chick never exercised at all. She was hypoglecemic and had to constanly eat, and it was ill how she just never gained weight. She had the opposite problem of most women. She had to be careful she didnt' get too thin because she lost weight so easily. The woman ate like a horse because she had to, not because she wanted to.

She was always telling me she wished she didn't have to eat so much, and how her health was such a problem. She was a total trip! B had the problem most women would kill for, I would kill for, and to her it was the biggest pain in the butt!

The Byrds are such stoner music! Or tripping music, if your prefer. Them and Jimi Hendrix.

The Byrds are mood music for my novel. The parents of of my female character were anti-war protestors during the Vietnam War and met at an anti-war demonstration at Cal on Shattuck Avenue. Her dad was a member of SDS, that group that used to blow up things during the late 60's. SDS blew up the B of A at UC Santa Barbara.

My character still has the dog tags that her mother gave her, that belonged to a missing POW. People use to wear them during the Vietnam War as a form of protest.

I saw these doggies at the Asian Art museum a few weeks ago. There were so cute and life like.

So I finally got around to seeing the movie "Bend it like Beckham", and it was so cute. I was surprised how attractive Jonathan Rhys Meyers turned out.

I've seen him in movie roles before, and I wasn't that impressed. But this movie actually made him look quite attractive in his own way, and his acting was very good as well.

I loved the soundtrack to the film, and am seriously thinking of getting the CD. I love all that modern indian music.

All that football/soccer reminded me of those soccer guys I dated; the fun english bloke from Southport who used to play in the English minor leagues and that really tall guy (6ft 5 in) from Austin whom a friend of mine tried to fix me up. Tall Austin guy played for various minor league soccer teams throughout Europe.

I didn't write yesterday, and I got behind in my word count but I'm all caught up today. I'm on chapter 5, and it's taking longer to write than expected. I'll probably at least another on it. This may mean chapter 6 may take three days to write as well.

I'm trying not to be too rigid about chapter length. I'm getting into the heart of my story, so it makes sense that these next chapters are going to be longer because more of the story is unfolding.

My story is so far 34.5 pages single spaced. I'm aiming for 120 -125 pages.

Don't know why, but I've been thinking about books recommended to be my past loves.

M - first love, wanted me to read "Invisible Man" by Ralph Ellison, said it really changed his life.
J - poet, wanted me to read Dylan Thomas.
B - first guy who was a total best friend and love interest, recommended "A Prayer for Owen Meany", any Dickens and "Moby Dick".
J - the ex-husband, recommended Will Durant the historian, Sri Aurobindo, Plotinus, and Marcus Aurelius.

So I signed up for Film History, because I was talking a guy friend of mine last night and he said it would be a good class to meet guys. My guy friend is always bugging me about dating, and trying to get me to go back to online dating. He says I'll never meet anyone if I don't put myself out there.

So after arguing about online dating, we compromised and I said I would take the film history class.

Well now I'm freaked out. The last time the birdies tried to talk to me, I got into a car accident a week later. Those darn robins were knocking on office window daily, like they were trying to tell me something or warn me.

And now this little greenish brown birdie was doing the same thing on Saturday. I don't like it.

On Saturday I was sitting and eating pizza in the alley way between Embardero 4 and The Hyatt Regency, when a birdie landed on the chair next to mine.

The birdie was so cute. It just plopped its birdie butt on the chair like it was a person. The birdie was looking at me and chirping like it was trying to start a conversation. The birdie was so frickin' adorable!!! Such a little bitty thing in a big wooden chair. And it looked like a cartoon birdie too.

The the birdie flew off, and I was wishing it came back. Five minutes later it landed on another chair across from mine, and started chirping at me, and flapping its wings. I loved that birdie, it was so cuuuute!

I was looking at what class to take next year, because I'm supposed to register tomorrow.

My choices were:
Musical Appreciation - I used to always wonder what they teach you in this class.
Film Study - A friend took it and said it was really cool because you get to watch movies during class
Intro to Astronomy - always a fascinating subject
Intro to Physics - never took it in college, so why not.
Tragic Dramas of Greece - took the class in college and I feel like reviewing.

I'll probably sign up for Tragic Dramas of Greece, since it relates to screenwriting and writing. But Film Study and Musical Appreciation are tempting as well.

I'd really like to take a class on Japanese Art or Japanese Literature, but I can't find a class.

Now I know why I think today is Veteran's Day. I don't have art class tonight, because for the college today is Veteran's Day. Duh!!!

I just saw the trailer for that new movie that's coming next year called The Day After Tomorrow. It looks like it's going to be a cool movies, at least the awesome special effects portion of it. I love the title too!

The Day After Tomorrow
Logline: A climatological disruption of inconceivable proportions ravages the world, sending millions of terrified survivors surging South. Heading in the other direction, however, is a brilliant paleoclimatologist whose own son may still be alive in New York City, now a frozen wasteland.

From The Mercury News today:

"Bravo has announced it will be doing a spin on its hit show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'' in which five straight guys will offer manly advice to a gay guy. (The one-hour special will be called, naturally, "Straight Eye for the Queer Guy.'')

Among the things the straight guys will offer tips on: power tools, proper garage decor, the basics of pro football, doing your hair in less than two minutes and, of course, sports event etiquette."

What about "Queer Eye for the Straight Girl"? I want the guys to tell women "Say No to Crack (butt crack). G-String Sightings, and Belly Hangings."

I worked out for an hour at the gym this afternoon on the elliptical trainer, and for forty minutes on Saturday. I'm trying to exercise more, because the weight is not coming off despite the fact that I'm eating very little. My jeans are also getting really tight, and it's freaking me out.

When I was working in an office, I walked on my breaks and ended up doing 4-5 miles a day. I don't walk as much now that I work from home, and it's really making a difference in my ability to lose and maintain my weight.

I can't wear tight jeans anymore, not after all these months of them being nice and loose.

I'm trying to do the Oprah/Bob Greene way of exercising. Greene wrote that the only way to lose weight was to exercise at your correct training rate. The gym machines are good for keeping track of my heart rate, since my dinky heart rate monitor is a joke.

I try to exercise with my heart rate at 126-143 beats, which is 70% of 80% of my training rate something that Greene recommends. My gym shirt was soaked today, and the machine said I spent 52 minutes in the 70% to 80% zone. Greene also says that if you're not sweating, you're not working.

I'd like to work up to start running again, but even on the treadmill, running is really hard on my knees. The elliptical trainer is supposed to simulate running, without all the pounding and stress on your legs and feet, so it's what I'll use for now.

So I'm finally caught up to my day 9 Nanowrimo word total. I've written 15,000+ plus words, and finished four chapters.

I had to force myself to sit down and write. I had to keep telling myself that I had chosen to do this, that I wasn't a victim. That I signed up to write 50K words in a 30 days, because it's a good thing, because it proves to me that I can write practically every day if I choose to, and that I can get a ton done if I put my mind to it and choose it.

That's one of the gifts of the Matrix Trilogy for me. To remind me that I choose to do all the things I'm doing, that I'm not a victim, that all of this (my writing obsession) is my choice, and I can choose differently if I want to at each and every moment.

And boy, do I need reminding constantly that I'm choosing to be a writer, which means I have to write, write more, and then write some more, and then keep writing every day of my life probably, until I get a great product.

I just logged into the VPN at work to check if Monday really was a holiday for my company. Damn! It's not. I'm like so bummed.

I don't know why I thought we were going to get Veteran's Day off. Good thing I checked.

I saw "The Matrix Revolutions" at the Imax theatre this morning. Wow, I loved it. I was shopping at Macy's Union Square afterwards, and having non-stop insights, and thinking this isn't really the best place to have philosophical insights.

You can't help but think that everyone is just a program when you're walking through the center of the Macy's cosmetics aisle, or when you're listening to a Green party long haired hippie boy nut case trying to chat up some chick on Muni. I'm not sure which program is scarier.

I definitely need to see the movie again in about a week, when I've had a chance to properly think about everything I've seen.

One question keeps coming up repeatedly in my head.

Chocolate or Vanilla? Choose.

I'm behind in my word count, but I have the weekend to make up for it. I only finished half my word count for Thursday, and now I'm too tired to write. ARGH!!

It really helps me to think about what I'm going to write about before I sit down. I haven't been doing that, so I got stuck and came up with a blank.

Thank god for weekends, and Monday is a holiday at work as well.

I've been having strange dreams every night. Maybe it's because of the lunar eclipse that's happening this weekend, Stargazers Await Weekend Lunar Eclipse, or because of the Harmonic Concordance or because of all those darned sun flares.

If you're so inclined, this is the weekend that's supposed to very good for wishing and or meditating for what you want out of life and for the world.

I'm going to wish for good things to happen for everyone and for peace for our troubled world. And for myself, I'm wishing what I've wished for since I was young child; to fulfill whatever purpose God has planned for my life, to do what I born to do.

There must be some divine reason out there, why my life turned out the way it did.

It's a rainy night in San Francisco, and I went to First Thursdays with a friend of mine. Here's the SFGate's review of First Thursdays, Art's not the only thing on display 'First Thursdays' draw scores of people for galleries, free wine . . . and each other.

Drank way too much bad white wine, and now I have the munchies. All that art, and still I didn't see anything I'd by dying to have if I had the cash to buy it. Sad!

Nanowrimo progress. I'm still a day behind, but I've caught up now for Day 5 count at 8,381 words. I'm now on Chapter 3, and hopefully tonight I'll finish the chapter.

I'm trying to decide if I want to post my novel somewhere, so people can read it if they want. But I don't know. It's a first draft, and a production oriented first draft at that, which means I don't have time to edit or go back.

I'm thinking, there's enough bad writing on my blog page and one the web. Do people really want to read more bad prose?

Plus, then there's the pain of uploading the darn thing every day. Issues of copyright. Not to mention the endless bad punctuation, bad spelling, bad dialogue, bad everything that makes up a first draft of a novel.

On the Nanowrimo site, people are posting excerpts of their novel. Some people are even posting their whole novel on the Net. I like the idea of it for sure. Seeing a novel unfold is fun, akin to reading a blog journal I suppose. But I don't know.

The Chano Dominguez concert last night was amazing. Dominguez is a fantastic pianist. I loved how he fused jazz with flamenco. The juxtaposition of the two different worlds for me was mind boggling.

Listening to Dominguez play jazz last night made me realize all the associations I make from jazz. When I listen to jazz, in my mind I see cities like NYC, Chitown and Philly, I see smoky bars, I see dark alleys and streets, and I hear the noise of rush hour traffic.

I also kind of think of bad sex, but that's only because I was introduced to jazz when I was 18 by this guy I was sleeping with occassionally in college. It wasn't a dating thing. He lived on my floor, I was a freshman, he was a senior, he had a mercedes, and if the two of us happened to run into each other late at night on the floor, we'd eventually end up in bed. It was all very light, very casual, and mildly amusing at times.

Anyway, he had a huge jazz record collection (he was a total purist) and a to die for stereo set up in his room and he'd always have the music going during our interludes. The sex was awful, but the music was fantastic and since he knew I didn't know anything about jazz he decided to educate me. The whole thing with him probably wouldn't have gone as long as it did without his music and his willingness to share it with me.

Back to Chano Dominguez. So I'm hearing Dominguez play these jazz riffs, and I'm thinking NYC, and then I hear his singer belting out a flamenco style song and his dancer doing the flamenco hand claps and then getting up and dancing during the piece. It was wild.

Jazz combined with moorish influenced flamenco music is just a bizarre combo, but I loved it.

While listening to the music, I kept thinking of a modern Spanish city filled with tall buildings and all the trappings of any major metropolis. And if I was going to film a movie in Spain, I would have to have Dominguez's music on my soundtrack.

Here's a link to one of his cds, Hecho a Mano. Listen to Retailia, which is a bulerias, to see what I mean.

I would love to see Dominguez play his music in Spain, just to see what his hometown crowd thinks of his flamenco/jazz fusion.

There's also another cd of his worth checking out called 10 de Paco, especially the track "La Tumbona".

Is it ill if to get in the mood for a jazz/flamenco performance, I listen to Enrique Inglesias' song "Escape" in english and spanish? It's like a favourite song for me.

Si decides dejarme
No te voy a suplicar
Alla tu si mas tarde
Aunque corras, te escondas
No puedes escapar
Aunque corras, te escondas
No puedes escapar

Did I tell you my fifth generation West Texas man speaks, reads and writes french and spanish fluently? I've already got digs in about leftist San Francisco politics, dotcomers, and the french.

And yes, he's a tobacco chewing, whip cracker smart, SUV driving, former bull-riding rodeo wannabe, ex-Dallas the series extra, single malt scotch whiskey sipping, life long, Bush voting republican, oozing with heaps and heaps of guy-guy non-metrosexual animal charm.

He's somebody any Cali girl worth her salt knows she shouldn't be attracted to, but is anyway because it's like an animal and/or a karmic thing.

For looks, think Steve Croft from 60 Minutes, or Tom Ridge, Director of Homeland Security, only younger, with reddish hair, but not so chubby and wrinkled.

I didn't write yesterday, but I just finished chapter 2 and I'm now caught up for my word count for Day 4. I'm at 6,700 words. I still have to write for Day 5, which means the start of Chapter 3. That's 13 pages of single spaced text. Yikes!

Chapter 3 and 4 is Day 1, first meeting in Dallas, lunch at the Hyatt Regency Dallas. I stayed at this hotel the last time I was in Dallas. It's a great hotel, and within walking of the site of the Kennedy shooting, the book depository and the infamous grassy knoll.

So it's finally starting to dawn on my ultra thick head, that the only way I'll ever make significant process as a writer is to work like a bow wow, a doggie.

I had the same realization when I was working at one of my corporate jobs, that if I worked my bunnies off I would get promoted and make more money. And it worked. I worked 60-80 hours, went into the office every weekend, and got promoted and huge raises every year.

Writing looks like it works the same way. Maybe other people have it differently, but my karma is definitely to work like a dog to get anything I want.

And I hate my work karma, because I'm essentially an incredibly lazy, lazy person. That's what the Dreamworks SKG guy talked about, working hard and having passion. Mostly he emphasized the working hard part. That's the only thing you can control in life, the amount you work. Everything else is fate and being in the right place at the right time.

I'm still in the beginning stages of writing my new novel, and already I'm thinking what I need to do to improve what I've written, never mind that the novel writing is actually going really well.

The work I need to do on my writing seems never ending There are things I left out in chapter 1 and 2 that need to be put in, and I want them to revealed by action or conversation bit by bit to move the story forward. The groundwork is there, but I'm still going to have to do a ton of rewriting and filling in and work.

Writing is work, work, work, just like all my jobs, and I hate it, I totally hate it!

For tonight's entertainment, I'm off to see to see a jazz/flamenco performance at the Palace of Fine Arts in the Marina.

A friend called me and said I had forwarded her a NYTimes article about one of the performers awhile ago, and now that same man is here in town performing.

My friend is an avid student of flamenco dance, and even spent a couple of weeks in Spain studying flamenco last year.

The performers we're seeing tonight are Chano Dominguez with special guest Jerry Gonzalez.

If the mayoral candidate that I've voted for doesn't get in, it wouldn't be the first time. I hated Willie Brown, and never once voted for him.

Is San Francisco that progressive? I've lived here for a long time, and I don't even know the answer to this question.

The ex-catholic brother, who goes to my church, was telling me that the majority of San Franciscans call themselves catholics, and attend very conservative catholic churches. He said he was even surprised by this fact, since San Francisco has a such a vaunted reputation for being a liberal city.

I was shocked by this little factoid myself, and I've lived here for a long time. I still don't know how to fit the whole catholic conservative thing with the way the city votes. It's a mystery that I'm trying to figure out.

It shouldn't have been that shocking I guess, because I did see more than a few Bush/Cheney signs here during the 2000 presidential election. And there's still a ton of people who are flying high their american flags.

But I like that we're a mix of all kinds of people. It's the way a city should be, diverse and full of people with different opinions, who have to work together to get things done.

But I grew up in an ethnically and politically diverse neighborhood, so I'm used to it.

If the democrats can't win the mayor's seat for the city and county of San Francisco, then you can bet the mortgage that Bush will win reelection in 2004. It's what happened in 2000. Bush got in because in the split of the left between the Greens and Demos.

The battle for the soul of the democratic party continues, while the rest of the country is electing republican governors. Heck, the state just elected a republican governor. The democrats are imploding from the inside out, and that's a sad thing for democratic candidates across the country and in California.

I got invited to hear an interview tonight, like how it's done on Inside the Actor's Studio, with some exec from Dreamworks SKG.

The guy serves as Steven Spielberg's primary executive reviewing projects that Spielberg is considering as a director. "Bottom line, Adam is at the heart of the decision making apparatus for one
of Hollywood's flashiest studios.  He is one of the most savvy, creative, and accomplished executives at any of the majors."

His credits include preDreamworks, Home Alone, Pelican Brief and Get Shorty, and Dreamworks, Galaxy Quest, Gladiator and Meet the Parents.

Screenplays aren't my thing anymore, but I'm going because I'm curious to hear what he things make a bankable Hollywood movie. And it will be interesting because Dreamworks SKG isn't the multimedia behemoth it promised to be.

I got tired to listening to news talk radio, so I'm listening to Live 105 and they're playing all this 80's music like The English Beat, Depeche Mode, and The Smiths. They call the program Flashback Rewind.

The music makes me want to go DC and listen to ska bands at the 9:30 Club, which is across from the National Portrait Gallery. It's so weird that the club is still there. They had the best bands, and a really great tarot card reader upstairs.

Here's some website said about the place.

The 9:30 club is an alternative rock club that can accommodate large crowds, with a moveable stage that can change capacity instantly. A four year old state of the art facility, it has three levels, three bars, and a full food menu. Once located in downtown Washington, the club has become legendary for hosting every alternative or modern rock band that has been around for the last sixteen years.

I used to hear on the news stories about people who never received their absentee ballot, and had to vote on a provisional ballot. It used to make me wonder what was up with these people, like did they lose their ballot or accidentally throw them out.

Well, now it's happened to me. I went to the polling place, and they told me that I was supposed to have voted by absentee ballot. I was so shocked because I never got one in the mail. I tried to explain my situation to the polling people, and after much discussion they let me vote by provisional ballot.

While I was waiting for my ballot, one of the workers said I was the 5th person today that didn't receive their absentee ballot. When I heard that I didn't feel so bad, but they told me to make sure to call the Department of Elections to make sure.

When I talked to the Department of Elections, they said they had sent one to me on October 6 and that my ballot probably got lost in the mail. I told the person I received my absentee ballot for the Recall election, and I wanted to make sure I received an absentee ballot in case there's a run-off election in December.

I was assured that they had my correct address, and if there is a run-off election I would get an absentee ballot. I hope they're right. I totally flustered the poor polling people.

But I wasn't the only one. As I was leaving, some woman was in there wanting to vote but forgot to reregister when she moved. They told her she couldn't vote, and she was making a big fuss. Poor polling people. I'm sure it's going to be a fun day for them.

Time to vote for the next Mayor of the City and County of San Francisco. Yes I'm a real San Franciscan, and not one of those people who say they're from San Francisco but live in some other part of the SF Bay Area. You're only a real Frisco person if you get to vote in the city elections.

And I'm bad and can be a tough as nails fiscal conservative when I feel like it, because I'm voting down any proposition that increases city spending. The City is financially strapped, yet there are props on the ballot to increase spending.

How whacky is that? Where the hell is the money going to come from? Silly people!

Day 3 Nanowrimo word count - 5,096 (day 3 should be 5,001).

I'm in the middle of chapter 2, and it's okay. The beginning went well, and then I kind of got bogged down in a conversation I wanted him to have with his ex-wife.

Now I just have to figure out how to end the chapter tomorrow. The first two chapter are supposed to introduce the two main characters, so the reader gets a feel for the two different viewpoints of the story being told.

I'm not sure if I'm getting their personalities across all that great, but I'm writing too fast to worry about it. The writing for each chapter sounds different anyway, so I think that's a good thing considering they're supposed to two totally different characters.

It's an opposites attract love story after all.

A friend just signed us up for a 3-performance ballet subscription for the San Francisco Ballet next year.

We signed up for their two full length features, Don Quixote and Sylvia, and a short program with ballets we don't think we've seen yet.

I love ballet. It's so beautiful to watch.

Stephen J Cannell said in his writing lecture that if what you conceive in your head doesn't match what you've written down, then it's just a matter of improving your writing skill and craft. I've been thinking about what I've been writing these past two days, and I can see that my writing skills are improving. Maybe not by much, but they're definitely getting better.

What I'm coming up with in my head is kinda sorta starting to look like what I'm writing. It's definitely not 100% there, but it's so much closer than it's ever been.

Maybe it is true what all the books and writers have been saying. To write well you have to write a tremendous amount, more than you thought you'd ever want to.

Day 2 Nanowrimo update - 3,388 words. Still ahead of scheduled word count total of 3,334, but not by much.

I think I'm at also at the end of Chapter 1, which is where I expected to be. I start the story from the guy's point of view next. I get to be a 5th generation west Texan man for a couple of days. Lucky me, huh?

I was supposed to start writing my Nanowrimo novel last night, but went to bed instead. It's a good thing, the novel started writing itself in my head yesterday on the train ride home.

I was trying to think about what I was going to write about last night, and then all of a sudden my main character Jane started talking in my head and dictating the novel. I think about the character, and all of a sudden it's like I hear them talking in my head and telling me their story.

My first chapter is on Jane and introducing her character. The second chapter will be introducing Marshall, the other main character. I actually have how his chapter starts in my head as well.

So this morning I sat down at my computer, and tried to remember and type up what Jane said last night. I ended up typing up 1,811 words, which is way past my daily word count of 1,667. I need to type another 1,667 words this evening for my day two count.

So far so good with the novel. I woke up freaked out that I didn't start it yesterday, but now that I've started writing I think it will go okay.

I had the worse headache yesterday. I kept thinking I needed to drink some coffee or have some kind of caffeinated drink, and I was even craving a latte which I have done in ages.

But I ignored by caffeine craving, thinking that maybe I had a hunger headache instead because I had a busy morning and hadn't really eating anything by 5 pm.

But by 9 pm, I had the worse headache and went to bed. I don't even think I drink that much coffee, just two cups a day every morning before work. But if I don't have it every day, I sure as heck get a headache.

Because I'm trying to watch how I spend my money, I had to stop myself from going out and buying pumpkin lights which I've been seeing ighting up windows all over the city.

The orange pumpkin lights are so cute, and I so wanted to have them to hang up in my window. They are so festive, and I love the little jack-o-lantern faces on the pumpkins.

I get enough crap from friends about the halloween turtleneck (it was on sale at a Talbot's outlet), the halloween socks and my "BOO" earrings I'm wearing, and how I spent money on an clothing and jewelry I can reall only wear one day out of year.

It's so not true that I can only wear my Halloween clothes one day a year, because if I plan it right, I can wear them at least three more times before the big day.

I know if I got the so dang adorable orange jaco-lantern pumpkin lights, to go with my scarecrow man, bat and pumpkin statue (it was gift), indian corn and the little baby pumpkins that are strewn around my place, I'd really be in trouble.

I found an online version of Krapp's Last Tape by Samuel Becket on the net. It's a short play, and very famous and if you feel like reading it, here it is.

One reviewer of this play said, "Krapp does in eight pages what took Proust 2,000".

I went to see Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett at ACT last night. Where I sit is normally pretty empty on a Thursday night, but I was surrounded by kids from Sonoma State on a field trip to the city to see the play.

One of the girls told me they were all in a general theatre study course, like a 300 level course, and that they made regular field trips to the city to see plays.

I wonder what their teacher told me about Samuel Beckett and his famous play. I took a whole course on Samuel Beckett in college, and we studied and even acted out "Waiting for Godot", since my theatre professor was a Stanford grad Beckett scholar.

I had already seen the Gate Theatre of Dublin's production of "Waiting for Godot" a few years in Berkeley along with "Krapp's Last Tape", which is a play about an decrepit old man listening to tapes he made of himself as a young man. Talk about a frightening and depressing play!

Imagine yourself as a toothless lonely drooling old codger listening to tapes of yourself as a young man, where you talked about your life and the girlfriends you had. So scary!

I liked this version of "Waiting for Godot" because they really concentrated on the vaudevillian aspect of the play. You could see echoes of Laurel and Hardy, Charlie Chaplin, and other famous vaudeville routines which Beckett loved. I'd never seen a production emphasize the more comical aspects of the play, although when you start to really listen to the play you realize how depressing it really is.

Didi and Gogo together for 50 years, waiting for Godot in some god forsaken place, doing anything to amuse themselves to make the time pass and then continually saying "Nothing happens".

If you think about it, so much of life is like that really. Nothing happens, and we keep waiting for death, some say God to save us, to tell us that all of it has been worthwhile. That we haven't been traisping around in the barren wilderness for nothing, that the promised land is somewhere out there for us to get to, if only "God-ot" (this is how the irish say it" will come.

But he doesn't come and so we wait, and we go on, and nothing happens.

A friend called today, and I mentioned to her that I thought my dead grandma was visiting me. My friend, who grew up catholic and even graduated from catholic high school, told me that my grandma was visiting me because she wanted to me to go to mass on either Day of the Dead or All Soul's Day and light a candle for her.

She said I should go to the Mission and find a catholic church, but then she said I may not find any candles to light so I should just pick any catholic church and go to a service and light a candle.

Grandma always did lov e buying those candles and lighting them. I checked out a couple of services. The Mission Dolores Church in the Mission has a Saturday vigil service at 5 pm on Saturday, and the huge St. Mary's Cathedral near Civic Center has an earlier service at 12:05 pm.

I'll decide on Saturday which one to attend. I think my grandma would have loved both churches.

Do people still flock to Georgetown to party on Halloween? When I lived there it was place to party on Halloween. They closed the streets down, so even if you drove you had to park far away and walk. People really get dressed up.

The Castro used to be fun to go for Halloween, but in the last ten years it's become so touristy, crowded and violent. More people are going just to gawk and drink, and they don't even dress up.

From the History Channel, Halloween around the World.

Another history of Halloween site: The Real Origins of Halloween.

I rented "Kate and Leopold", and was glad I didn't see it on the big screen. The movie is cute and all, but so not worth a big screen movie ticket.

Hugh Jackman was so adorable, but Meg Ryan. Oh my god! I kept thinking the whole time, what happened to her face. She used to be so cute, and now she just looks old and haggard. What's up with that bad haircut of hers too?

I loved the Leopold character, and I hated Kate. The ending would have been better if I could have figured out why Jackman's character fell in love with her, because Kate was a stereotypical nasty career "bitch". Why any mad would want to sleep with her character much less marry her is a mystery, other than she's your typical blonde blue eyed girl.

Updated the site with the National Novel Writing Month 2003 logo. Yes I'm doing it again, writing a novel in 30 days. I've got an outline, characters, and I think I can write it from start to finish this time. It's love story, and those stories are short.

I also updated the two new books I'm reading:

Paradise Park by Allegra Goodman and
I Heard the Owl Call My Name by Margaret Craven.

Someone told me that I write like Allegra Goodman, so I decided to check her out. I wanted a shorter book to read on the train, so I picked up the Craven book from the paperback rack at the library. Smaller books fit better in my purse.

I'm still slogging through the Kafka book. He does take time to read.

I read somewhere that on Halloween, All Soul's Day and Day of the Dead, the veil between the realms of the living and dead become loosed. I wonder if it's true, because I've been missing my dead grandmother a whole lately.

It started on Tuesday, and every day it gets worse. Maybe she's trying to visit me or something. I was going to go out and hang out with friends on Halloween, but I think I should stay home in case my grandmother is trying to visit.

My cousin said grandma was haunting and visiting her when I was at home for the funeral. My aunt said the same thing was happening to her, and we were sharing a room together. I never had the feeling I was being visited or haunted. Why would grandma visit them and not me?

But maybe Halloween is my chance, especially because I'm missing her something awful right now. I just want to see and talk to her one last time, even if she is a ghost.

I'm addicted to this online game called Hexic. I started playing it last night, and I couldn't stop. I have no idea why I like the game or why it's so addictive, it just is.

So I thought I'd blown my modern art history mid term and gotten a B or some other lower grade, because the last part really threw me. I thought I had studied everything I was supposed to, but I was I wrong.

The last part consisted of writing one of two essays. I thought he was going to give an essay on comparing AbEx-Colour Field and AbEx-Action, so I studied for that question. He said he was going to give an essay on comparing AbEx NYC and Art Informel, but I didn't study for it. I thought the AbEx movement comparison was a more compelling argument.

Why study for two, when you only have to do one right?

So I was right about the AbEx NYC comparison to Art Informel being on the mid term, but I wasn't expecting the other question to be about Pop Art. And of course, I didn't really devote much time pop art.

I could have written the Art Informel essay, but you had to compare works of art and I couldn't remember the names of any of the Art Informel pieces at the time.

So I wrote this two page BS rant on Andy Warhol and Roy Lichtenstein, where I said Pop Art was not a reaction to AbEx or fulfillment of NeoDada, but was brought about by changes happening in American and British Culture. I cited the invention of television, the media and Hollywood, and the growing interest in Hollywood stars and stardom as birthing Pop Art stars Richard Hamilton, David Hockney, Roy Lichtenstein and Andy Warhol.

Talk about making it up as you go along. I thought for sure he wouldn't buy my argument and give me like maybe 5 points on a 20 point essay.

So it was so shocking that I got 100/100 and an A, and a comment that he agreed with me and that I really understood pop art.

He even held on to my test along with a few others, and said he was going to read from some of them as examples for what people should have written, but thank god he ran out of time and decided not to do that. That would have been embarrassing to hear my own BS read out loud in class. How scary is that?

But I guess I shouldn't be so surprised by my grade. I managed to convince my art history professor one night after class, that Jackson Pollock's AbEx Action paintings birthed conceptual art because of how Pollock showed tme in artwork.

You don't have to right about art, you just have to argue it well.

So I told a bunch of girls in art class to go see Kill Bill, but I did warn them that if their only exposure to kung fu movies was Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and The Matrix, they wouldn't like it.

Maybe I should have warned them about all the blood and gore, but oh my god, those were the best and funniest parts of the movie. Of course, I was the only one in the theatre laughing my head off but still. Gotta love a movie with tons of squirting blood and cut off limbs flying all over the screen.

People take stuff so seriously. It's just typical asian movie crappy special movie effects. It's so fake looking, that I can't believe people think it's real blood and get all grossed out. See this is what happens when you watch a movie that's an homage to a genre that you know nothing about, or you've never been exposed to.

You don't get how cool the awful special effects are. You don't get how great the stitled dialogue and sappy music is. You don't get how hard it is to actually write stuff this bad on purpose and not by accident or because you're in a hurry.

But if you have, you realize that Quentin Tarantino is an absolute genius!

So back to the dentist today because my crown still doesn't fit right. I hate this I get jaw headaches now. I think my dentist hates me because it's taking forever to get the crown to fit right.

He wasn't too happy the last time I came in, and I'm like I'm not happy either. My jaw hurts, and I wake up with headaches constantly. Please just fix it!

My horoscope for today:

Don't underestimate your talent. Don't discount your ingenuity. Don't overlook your perspicacity. You're a smart cookie and you have many resources to draw on. You may lose the odd battle in your ongoing struggle with adversity but there's no way you are ever going to lose the war. Lately you have accomplished something truly excellent. You ought to be proud of yourself yet you are too conscious of the other areas of life that this victory did not seem to touch. Fear not. Now, you can turn your attention to those.

It's a great horoscope, but I have no idea what it's talking about.

I'm trying to save more money, and it's so hard. I'm like so struggling at 10%, I don't know how people do it.

I'm also going to try and up my 401(k) percentage as well. If I increase my withholdings, I can up my 401(k) percentage and not feel it too much.

I wish I could be like my brother. The man has an empty house, very few clothes and books, very few of anything, but he's got a Scwab One account with $50K in it, and that's just his regular savings. I'm sure his retirement accounts have even more money than that.

He's so cheap on everything except for eating out, travelling first class and collecting antiques and old books. I don't know how he does it. I don't how he lives with so few things, but that's why he's got way more money than I do and he owns his own house.

I'm glad I just rented "Once upon a Time in China" before I saw "Kill Bill Vol. 1". "Once upon a time in China" starring Jet Li is your classic Hong Kong Kung Fu movie. The kung fu fighting is just amazing, but parts of it are really, really bad.

The dialogue is bad and stilted, but all Hong Kong kung fu action movies have bad dialogue. The movie music is like this bad 70's drivel, and I laughed when I heard it because I'd forgotten how bad the music gets in these kind of movies. And some of those characters, you just want to slap them all sometimes because they're so silly and stupid. But overall, "Once upon a time in America" is one of the better Hong Kong kung fu action movies.

Talk about time warp though. Watching the movie made me feel like I was 14 years old again, and in a movie theatre at home with my parents.

So I'm watching "Kill Bill Vol 1", and I get the same thing; bad stilted dialogue and horrifying yucky 70's music. And I'm like, this is cool, this is just like watching a Hong Kong kung fu action movie, especially the really, really bad music.

If you're not used to watching Hong Kong kung fu action movies, you'd never get why the bad stilted dialogue and bad cheesy music are so great. The reviewer for the NY Times didn't get it.

And all that blood spurting and limbs flyjng around, I mean that was really funny, and again classic Hong Kong stuff. In fact the whole movie looked so familiar, like I'd seen those scenes somewhere but it's been a long, long time.

Watching "Kill Bill" makes me want to watch every Hong Kong kung fu and japanese samurai movie I can get my hands so I can get the references I know Tarantino is making in this film.

There's even a japanese teenage assassin that I know is a ference to something. She's the stereotypical looking girl that's depicted in japanese movies, even in the porno ones. Guys love to fantasize about young japanese school girls in their uniforms, with those big eyes, straight hair and bangs, and those long eye lashes. She was such a classic.

I went to check out the Nanowrimo party in the Mission this afternoon. I'd never been to any of the Bay Area events before, and it was fun to see all the people from the forums.

Chris Baty, the founder of Nanowrimo, was there and gave a little talk about how Nanowrimo founded in 1999 during the heady days of the dotcom boom. Did anybody even guess back then that about five months later the dotcom boom would all come crashing down and a trillion dollars would be lost in the market, and many more trillions to follow.

Lots of businesses and ideas are gone now, but Nanowrimo is still going strong, five years later with people participating from all over the world.

There were writers from all over the Bay Area, with municipal liaisons for San Francisco, the East Bay and the South Bay. The liaisons organize writing parties at cafes all over the Bay Area, as well as other get togethers.

Writing is such a lonely endeavour, and if you're a group person Nanowrimo is a great thing to do. You can write in groups, participate in online forums, go to informal get togethers, and be part of huge write group for a month.

I've never gone to the writing parties. I've written with other people before in cafes, but it hasn't been that productive for me. I have to be by myself, with my thoughts, in my head to write.

What I like about Nanowrimo is the thought of other people all over the world, struggling to do exactly the same thing I'm doing. I don't have to know them, I don't have to meet them, I just have to know they're there struggling along like I am.

Because writing is lonely, and you always feel like you're the only who is struggling, who is trying to write and be creative with a full time job and a thousand other life distractions.

But just for one month, I'm one of thousands of participants (14,000 did it in 2002) and I don't feel so lonely anymore.

From the Fox Sports site:

For New Yorkers, what McKeon and the Marlins did was almost that disastrous, given that Florida ($54 million payroll) defeated the most celebrated team in sports ($164 million payroll).

I'm glad the Florida Marlins won the world series against the game's highest paid team. I'm glad that money can't buy the best team in baseball.

It's been two years now that the NY Yankees have lost to lesser paid younger teams. I wish I knew where the Marlin payroll stands compared to the rest of the league. I hope they're a small market team like the Oakland A's. I know from the news stories that their payroll took a big hit in 1997, and they had to rebuild from scratch.

Heads are probably going to roll in Gotham City, but who cares! The Florida Marlins won the world series and the Minnesota Twins won the central division chapionship after being on the verge of almost having their team closed down.

Maybe now things will change in major league baseball. Maybe now they'll think about revenue sharing and even parity in the league. Maybe that huge steroid scandal brewing in Burlingame that the mainstream sports media seems to be avoiding like the black plague will really shake the league up. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Talk about having Watergate like overtones; that steroid scandal will be huge,

Tonight I listened to a 3-hour seminar on writing given by Stephen J. Cannell. He's the guy who came up with all those TV shows like Wise Guy, The Rockford Files, Hunter, etc. He's also written and published 10 novels.

Cannell started out by saying he is severely dyslexic, but it didn't stop him from being the successful Hollywood writer he is today. He writes five hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, even on vacation. The guy is definitely a workaholic. When he's working on a novel, he writes a chapter a day.

Because of his dyslexia, Cannell writes with a selectric typewriter, then has his secretaries type the pages into a computer document. He said that David E. Kelly, creator of Ally McBeal and The Practice, writes all his episodes in long hand.

In the middle of listening to his seminar, I realized what was wrong with my second screenplay and why I was having such a hard time finishing it. Thank you Mr. Cannell.

Cannell said you know you're a professional writer, when you can finish your writing projects whether they're good or bad.

My revised second screenplay definitely sucks. It's not fully developed, my second act drags, it's too talky and I don't show enough. And I think deep down I knew it, but I didn't know why. And even if I knew what was wrong, I didn't have enough skills in craft of storytelling to fix it last year.

Now I know, but I would have to completely replot my whole screenplay to fix it and start over from the beginning.

So I'll finish the sucky second version of my screenplay, just to practice the art of finishing my work. Afterwards, I'll rewrite another outline, treatment and beat sheet, and start what I hope will be a third and final rewrite.

I went to a screenwriting seminar last night taught by James Dalessandro, a working writer and teacher who has had over 500+ pitch meetings and selling 25 screenplays to Hollywood in about 21 years. The guy had some serious screenwriting street cred.

He just sold a screenplay called "1906", about the San Francisco earthquake, to Hollywood. His screenplay was the subject of a bidding war by the studios and sold for around half a million to Warner Brothers. Barry Levinson is directing the film.

The screenplay was based on a fictional novel he also wrote called "1906", which is due out in Spring 2004. Dalessandro said he thought the movie would outsell James Cameron's "Titanic".

He is currently in the process of creating some kind of TV show for Court TV called "Citizen Jane", which he says was paying $75,000 per episode. Dalessandro also went to the UCLA film school.

The seminar cheered me up considerably about my own writing and where I was in the process. Three things he said which struck me:

1. According to him, Aristotle said that "we cannot understand art before we understand its science." I love this because I was good at science and I'm very good at learning. Maybe one day I'll figure the writing thing out.

2. The best story to write is never the story you know, nobody cares and nobody is interested. I love this! I hate writing stories which too closely resemble my life. I don't want my private life opened up for criticism like that.

3. A character doesn't necessarily have to change or transform, but can just have a realization at the end of the story. I like this because real life is like that. Things happen in your life, and you don't always change. You get realizations, insights, maybe even epipanies, but you don't necessarily change your behaviour.

I have my modern art history mid term tonight.

Does it really matter that I know by heart Harold Rosenberg's theory on abstract expressionism - action painting?

Does anyone still care about Harold Rosenberg's abstract expressionism - colour field theory, or any of the art that came out of this movement?

Will I get extra points at a cocktail party because I can tell you the similarities and differences between Ab-Ex Action and Ab-Ex Colour Field?

What about extra points for knowing the differences and similarities between Ab-Ex New York and Art Informel in Europe?

I received a hooded sweatshirt from BloggerPro today. Should I wear it out? Do I want random strangers to know I have a blog? Does the general population even know what a blog is?

No writing today, and I feel guilty. I was on such a roll this week. I may write in my journal before I go to bed.

I did read two essays on writing by Octavia E. Butler, a black female science fiction writer. I think I want to eventually concentrate on fantasy/science fiction writing.

It's the the most thought provoking type of writing there is, and I love how as a writer you will have the ability to create brand new worlds.

I don't think I've seen any classes on learning the craft of fantasy/science fiction writing, and I missed the JR Tolkien seminars that the Learning Annex ran this year. Hopefully they'll have the seminars again. They were booked up, so I'm sure they were very popular.

I'm lazy today. I'm still in my jammies, and I haven't left the house or taken a shower. I had planned to do so many things today.

I'm trying to decide if I want to write or give myself a day off because I finished a short story. I didn't think I'd be done writing the story this quickly. It's such an accomplishment for me to finish any writing piece! I definitely must celebrate and goof off.

I also came up with two new short story ideas, since I've been trying to do the daily writing habit.

This one was inspired from a freewrite I did yesterday afternoon.

A struggling woman writer is dying of some kind of cancer. She had on radiation treatment, but the doctors are unsure if it was successful. Her health is bad and the prognosis is not good.

An old friend, a famous writer, comes to visit her and gives her a pen and inkwell. The friend tells her that the pen and inkwell saved her life, when she too was diagnosed with cancer. The famous writer friend tells the woman to make sure to write every day because writing is healing.

The woman thanks her friend, and starts to write with the magic pen and inkwell that night in her journal. The woman followed her firend's advice and remarkably, she starts to feel stronger and in the next few weeks her health improves dramatically. The doctors are amazed and declare the radiation treatment a success. There is still some chance that the cancer could come back, but the doctors say that the chances are very, very slim.

Relieved by the good news, the woman calls the famous writer friend to chat and finds out her friend is dying. The woman goes to visit her friend in the hospital, and finds out that it was the magic pen and inkwell that kept her friend alive. That she too had cancer, and the writing instruments kept the cancer at bay as long as she wrote every day.

Guilt ridden, the woman vows to give the pen and inkwell back but the famous writer friend refuses. "I have had my success and my fame, it's your turn now. And after you have your success and fame, there will come a time to pass on the pen and inkwell to another dying writer friend, as I have done to you as was done to me." The famous writer friend dies a few minutes later.

Racked by guilt, the woman goes home that night and doesn't write. After a week of not writing, the woman feels her body becoming weaker. She goes to the doctor, and after testing the doctor tells her that the cancer started growing again.

A few more weeks pass and the woman is now very weak, and contemplating another round of chemotherapy. Unable to face more treatment, she decides to start writing again and instantly feels better.

A week passes, and the woman's health improves dramatically and the doctors tells her that miraculously she had a spontaneous remission.

In a year the woman starts publishing and becomes a famous author, which was her childhood dream. The woman decides that while the pen and inkwell are a gifit, they are also a curse. She doesn't know if she's a famous writer because of her writing, or because of the writing instruments.

But she decides to keep on writing, in hopes that one day be able to pass the writing instruments to someone else.

I finished a short story last night. It's one I started in 2000 called "The Blue Haired Buddha on Union Street", but never finished. I rewrote an outline on 9/3/2003, and started writing it onTuesday.

Writing for me is much easier if I have an outline. It takes awhile for me to come up with an outline, but once it's done the writing is relatively easy.

Sticking to the outline was hard in the beginning. My first writing attempt on Tuesday went off outline, and my writing became bogged down. I think I wrote myself into a corner.

On Wednesday, I reread my outline and did a freewrite about what the story was supposed to be about. Then I did another character interview, and I was able to get back on track.

I was reading some material on Joyce Carol Oates, and how productive she was, is. The woman is manic about writing. One of my writing teachers knew her when she was young, and he said that Oates could write a short story in a day, and on a typewriter at that.

Some critics have said that she may be too productive, and that perhaps if she slowed down her quality would be better. Quality can be debated, but I don't think anyone can deny that she is one of the finest writers of her generation.

I don't think I'll ever have Oates' work habits, but she is a role model I can learn from and emulate.

I went to the art exhibit, and spoke to the guy from art class for a bit. He and his wife, who is also in the class, recognized me.

I teased him and said that I might write a paper about him and his exhibit, if I could figure out a way to tie into class. He said if I did, to make sure I gave him a copy.

Art class guy and I started talking about his exhibit, and he said something about what his exhibit meant, and I ended up countering, "No I think this is what you meant ..." I wonder if all artists cringe when a total stranger contradicts you and says "no your art doesn't mean that, it means this." I hope I didn't freak him out.

While walking to the bus stop, I started composing a very political art review in my head. His exhibit was very anti-Iraq war. I tentatively titled my essay, "Were Satre and Warhol right? The Celebrity of War: Reflections on the art of so and so".

It would be fun to write a SF Bay Guardian type, left wing political review of art class guy's exhibit. Never mind that I supported the US led war in Iraq, I could write an anti war piece. That ultra left wing hippie education of mine has to come in handy for something.

I told art class guy that my dad took me to my first political protest when I was 12, and I wore black armbands when Reagan was elected. I got hippie left wing street cred!

If I write it, I'll post it. I think it will be fun for me to exercise my writing brain and try to write an essay about what some guy's art exhibit means. I could quote Sartre, Warhol, and I might even throw a David Mamet quote in because I'd love to fit a "Wag the Dog" reference in, and argue how Andy Warhol's pop art birthed that concept and movie.

My modern art teacher loves to say that art and society in general is still influenced by Andy Warhol's pop art philosophy and vision, so I've got to work those Andy Warhol references in when I can.

I'm having adventures in faxing. I just tried faxing 18 pages to my screenwriting teacher, who happens to be surfing in Hawaii at the moment.

My stupid company fax machine cannot seem to fax more than 2 pages at a time. I should have just stuck with Winfax Pro software, instead of asking for a printer/fax/copy combo machine.

It prints and copies fine, but fax. Hell no! Unless faxing is some kind of gift from God that I just never got because I was too busy standing in the "great writer" gift line, which by the way I'm starting to think was one of those scam in heaven lines because writing is just way too hard for me.

I'm sure the hotel people in Hawaii are having fun with the dozens of faxes I sent.

I'm trying to decide what I want to do tonight. I was out yesterday with a friend at the Asian Art Museum. They had a member's preview for their new Korean art exhibit, and we saw a woman performing Korean dance.

I kind of just want to stay home and vegetate, write, and watch one of my rented movies, either Asoka or The Four Feathers, but it would be nice to get out.

A guy in my modern art history class is having art opening tonight somewhere in the Mission. I think he does sculpture because it's an installaion. Our professor said if we liked his art, we could write a paper about him. I don't know him, but I am interested in seeing his art.

Some other girl in from my art history class was even featured in Pink Section of The SF Chronicle a few weeks ago. They had a picture of her and her paintings, and she's even showing some of her work at the new Danielle Steele Gallery.

She had an open house at her artist's studio last weekend, and I had planned on attending but it just didn't work out.

I also have a hankering to see "Kill Bill", Quentin Tarantino's new flick. The New Yorker ran a profile on him this week, and I do love his films. Plus it's a homage to Hong Kong martial arts action movies, which I totally love.

It would nice to stay home tonight and relax, because I'll be out all day Saturday, with a party to attend at night, and I'll be out all day Sunday as well.

And somewhere between now and Sunday, I've got to fit in 4.5 hours of writing. No wonder I don't get any writing done, I'm always out!

I think I've got a new plan for my writing. Hopefully this one will stick, be consistent and become a long time habit.

My goal is to write an hour to an hour and a half a day, with at total weekly goal of 8 hours. I like the 8 hours, because then writing will become like a part time job for me which is how I want to think about it.

I will try to write every day, but I'm not going to freak out if I don't. It will probably work better for me if I don't skip a day, but if I do I will be able to make up the time before the week is up.

For this week, I wrote for 1.5 hours on Monday and Tuesday, and then 2 hours today. That's five hours, so I have three more hours to go.

I also decided to try this new way of writing and editing. First an outline and some character work and interviews. Then I'll write the first draft by hand, then I'll type up my notes into the computer and that will be a second draft. I'll read the second draft and make any structural changes, and new outline if needed. After that I'll retype the second draft from the beginning, which will become the third draft. I will read and line edit the third draft, and the final draft will be typing up my corrections.

This is a variation on "the radical rewrite" technique I learned in screenwriting class. With radical rewrite, you write the first draft and then write a completely new second draft over, without looking at the first draft.

I think this variation is better because you can still look at your first draft, but you're not tied to it and you're not writing without it.

I still haven't decided if I'll do the second draft by hand or on the computer. It would probably be easier to do it on the computer, but I would start with a new document and not just try to rework the old one.

I've been trying to rework "Spooning with my Mother" using the original document, and I don't like it. I think it's better to start fresh with a new document, and not worry too much about what I originally wrote. If I want to use a particular line from the first draft, I can retype it from the printed copy.

By retyping sentences over, I will have the opportunity to see if the sentence makes sense, os necessary and is worth keeping. Starting with a fresh docment enables me to be more ruthless about throwing out what works and what doesn't work. At least, I'm hoping that this is the result of my new writing process.

I wonder if Arnold Schwarznegger will have a "Galaxy Quest" moment when he gets to the governor's office in Sacramento.

Galaxy Quest was such a great movie. Remember when the actors had to actually become the people they portrayed in the television show?

Will Arnie soon realize that he's not just an actor playing a governor, he is the governor of the 5th largest economy in the world and he's got to balance the budget without raising taxes and figure out out how to dig California out of its $38 billion deficit hole.

So I turned down the Deacon nomination for church. I came to the conclusion that my opinions are just too different from many of the members on the Deacon Board, and I didn't want to be stressed out having to either defend my opinions or keeping silent about them.

It's only going to get worse in the next three years as well. My church is going through the same thing as the Anglican/Episcopalian church, although we are not quite up to their level yet.

I know I will not support any actions that will split my church from the greater national body. My church did it once for slavery and split the denomination in two, but slavery was a different issue than the ones the mainstream protestant churches are facing right now.

I think I am going to catch a ton of flak for what I did, because I felt the need to explain myself to the person who called for the nomination. I think I will test the old adage of "honesty is the best policy".

I feel fatalistic about this whole issue right now. If I have to leave my church I will. Our sister church has been trying to recruit me for years, and they have a huge membership. It's terrible to think like this, but I don't care.

I hate that my church is becoming like the rest of the country, partisan, intolerant and politically correct. They never used to be that way. My church used to welcome everyone, and tried to stay on the middle ground on issues. But like the rest of the country and I think the world, lines are being drawn in the sand which makes it hell for anyone who likes the middle path.

My life is stressful enough without having the added burden of an ideological political fight happening in my church, and me being in the middle of it.

I ran across a article by a published author, Alex Keegan on writing and rewriting, and here's his take on writing:

"Becoming a writer is harder! I think it was Ray Bradbury who said we need to write at least a million words just to make it to the foothills. Seems like a lot? Not really. 3,000 words a day for a year or 1,000 words a day for three years and you're home free. What d'you mean it sounds tough? It IS tough!

Presume that one million words is a real goal. Write 300 words a day, every day, never miss, and nine years from now, you'll be able to write. That is WRITE, that is, as someone once wrote, you will have eaten your technique, absorbed it until it's in your blood, so that HOW to express your thoughts will be semi-automatic.

And now an old piece of OK advice -- write at least fifty short stories before you embark on a novel, do exercises, snippets, try rewriting great short stories or novel openings, experiment with poetry, flash-fiction, writing to tough word-limits. Burn off the obvious, the commonplace, the too-closely autobiographical stuff early on. (Writing shorts does this). You will learn so much and still be creating pieces worth submitting. "

50 stories! I was so bummed out when I read this. To see where I was on the 50 story scale, I went through my writing filebox which contains a gloriously unsorted morass of writing class notes and assignments since Spring 1998. That's about 5 years worth of paper mind you, for 6 writing classes and a number of one day writing seminars.

Here's my list in no particular order:

1. Playing Catch with Dad – screenplay
2. Spooning with my mother – short story
3. The Crow Priestess – unfinished novel
4. The Taste of Ice Cream – short story
5. Crazy Eddie – short story
6. Following in the Dark – unfinished novel
7. Art is Scary – short story written for performance
8. Bare Trees in Winter – unfinished play
9. Going Home Again – unfinished screenplay
10. Time and Distance – short story
11. Rodeo Spurs on My Heart – short story
12. Mother’s Heart Shaped Diamond Pendant – short story
13. Holding Hands in the Desert – short story
14. Past Connections Lost – flash fiction
15. Are you mad for it? – short story
16. The Princess who lost her voice – fairy tale
17. Princess Sushmita – fairy tale
18. The Forest of Forgetfulness – fairy tale
19. Kim and the Boys on the Beach – short story
20. Maggie and the Crying Freeman – flash fiction
21. A Hot Day in Dallas – short story
22. Theatre Audition: Five Minutes to Strut Your Stuff – essay
23. Dating Your Best’s Friend Ex – short story
24. Rules of Dating – monologue written for performance
25. Baseball was my Life – short story
26. The Secret Playboy Subscription – short story
27. Clasped Hands in the Desert – short story
28. 9/11 Remembrance - published on SFGate.com

Shock of shocks! I was so surprised that I managed to crank out 28 pieces. I think there might be more, but that's all I could find in the box.

I feel a little better now. So what, 12 more short stories and maybe I'll be able to finish a novel.

I heard a bunch of girls saying on the train today, on the way to the dentist for yet another crown adjustment, that they were going to watch the Yankees/Redsox game tonight because of "the fight".

The girls loved the drama of the fight. They so got into watching Don Zimmer cry in some press conference. They loved the melodrama of the whole baseball game, and now they want to see it through to the end.

I guess there's nothing like real life controversy and melodrama to get people to watch TV, and for women to watch a sporting event, huh?

JC is calling me to service. I just received a call from my church's nominating committee telling me I was nominated to be a deacon.

I was a deacon before, and it was tough. I took it so seriously, too seriously, humorlessly actually, that after awhile I hated doing it.

I never felt like I was doing a great job, although my parishioners said I was doing a great job.

My screenwriting teacher told me I have very high standards for myself, and some of them were very unreasonable. She's right, I do. But I know myself and I've seen myself when I've been very productive.

But maybe I need to change those high standards a little bit, because I also suffer from burnout constantly. I'm productive and then I burn out, and lately the burn out periods are lasting longer than the productive periods.

Maybe it's better that I work constantly, do a little bit every day, and for longer periods of time. Maybe I won't get burn out and feel consumed, and out of balance with my life. I could still have my high standards, but they'll be adjusted for the long haul.

I haven't decided about the deacon thing; it's a three-year commitment. I do feel called to serve, and my church needs more people to be involved right now.

In the past when I've had a lot on my plate, I became very good at scheduling my time. I was forced to because of the activities I was involved in. I'm thinking if I'm forced to become more efficient with my time usage, maybe I'll get better at scheduling time to write.

I have more time now, and I still can't come up with a consistent writing schedule. I'm willing to try anything right now.

I just watched "The Passion" trailer, which is the new Jesus movie by Mel Gibson. It was very graphic and it made me weep. It's like all those years of having to do stations of the cross at easter came back and I was in tears and so upset at JC being whipped, beated and crucified.

I felt like I was an overly hormonal 13 year old again, crying night after night over JC being crucified, and wondering how could people could be so cruel.

I still don't get it, the cruelty, mean thing. I see it all the time in people I know, it's very subtle but it's there. People crucify each other every day, and for no good reason. I don't understand it, even though I know I've done it myself.

My problem is, I know when I'm being intentionally mean and I feel bad about it for a long time. It's like I've crucified Christ when I'm mean to someone, and it freaks me out and makes me think if I was there, what would I have been shouting? Crucify him or have mercy on him? I can't honestly say what I would have said.

My new favorite term, "tush hog". While watching the Pittsburg/Denver football game, Phil Simms started talking to Greg Gumbel about a "tush hog", which is a football player with a huge behind. This wonderful asset apparently comes in handy for certain types of plays in the red zone.

I'm glad the big behind on a guy comes in handy for something because most women I know cannot stand a man with a huge bum, and will so make fun of it all the time. No bubble butts allowed except on the football field.

I went to see the movie Luther on Saturday. Only for Martin Luther would I pay full price for a movie.

I loved the movie! It starred the beautiful Joseph Fiennes, who played Shakespeare in "Shakespeare in Love" and Robert Dudlely, Earl of Leicester in Elizabeth.

And for Colin Firth fans, the movie also featured his brother Jonathan Firth. Who knew he had a brother? He looks alot like Colin, but not as cute.

I got so caught up in the movie, when Luther was on trial for heresy at Worms, I wanted to shout "No, don't recant, don't! The fate of modern western civlization depends on you!"

Here's the new 2-cd set I bought today from Virgin Records, Cocktail Hour: Dinah Washington. She's got such a great voice!

I've always had this fantasy of being a cocktail lounge singer, with a fabbie smoky dreamy voice, wearing some slinky figure hugging tight dress, and lying on a piano and singing some bluesy sad jazz song like "I've sold my heart to the junk man and I'll never fall in love again."

I went to the dentist this afternoon so he could put a new crown in. My jaw really hurts now. It doesn't matter how much they numb you up, all that poking of your gums still hurts for a long time afterwards.

Since my dentist's office is near Union Square, I went to the MAC counter at Macy's to buy some lipstick. Those MAC girls at the counter are so scary looking. They wear their makeup like they're trying to mimic a Christian Dior model in the ads I've seen in the high fashion glossy magazines.

What looks great on a model in a Chrstian Dior advert, sadly looks horrid close up in real life, especially on women who don't have model cheekbones or faces.

Those girls are doing MAC cosmetics such a disservice. I'd be afraid to buy makeup or having someone put make up on me who looked like these girls. They are truly frightening.

Someone needs to clue them in that the heroin waif look only looks good on actual heroin addicts from NYC or fashion models, and not on suburb girls who look they appreciate the taste of donuts way too much. That, and the herion addict clown waif look is just darn old.

It's the year 2003 ladies, time to move on to the next fashion trend. It's like seeing women wearing those black leather backpacks. God, that look is so over done, so tired, so old and so K-mart!

Those noisy Blue Angels are back and buzzing around the Bay for Fleet Week San Francisco.

This is one of the few times I wish I had a bay view instead of my beloved ocean view, but it doesn't matter I guess because I just saw two of them do a turn from the bedroom window.

I love the colour of the planes, all bright blue and yellow. The best spot to see them is from a high rise office building in downtown San Francisco. I swear those planes fly through the building just to scare people.

I did some google research, and searched through the US Senate's website and found the following substantiating The Economist's claim about republican senator Orrin Hatch.

Proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States to make eligible for the Office of President a person who has been a United States citizen for 20 years. (Introduced in Senate)

The bill was introduced by Senator Hatch on July 10, 2003. Arnold Schwarznegger became a US citizen in 1983, so if this amendment passes he will be eligible to be elected as president of the country.

The Economist's take on Arnold's victory, Hasta la vista, Davis.

Here's the scary part of The Economist's story:

"Should he succeed in taming the state’s grim finances, some Republicans may begin to dream of Mr Schwarzenegger following in Mr Reagan’s footsteps all the way to the White House. Having been born outside America, Mr Schwarzenegger is constitutionally barred from the presidency. However, that could change if Congress were to pass a constitutional amendment now being proposed by Orrin Hatch, a Republican senator."

I heard a rumor on the Net a couple of days ago about Hatch and this new constitutional amendment, but it looks like the rumor is true.

I finally finished reading Charles Frazier's "Cold Mountain". I really liked it, although the ending of the book disturbed me for awhile.

I have a bad habit of reading the ending of any book I'm reading before I finish it. It's horrible to do, and I tried to stop myself with "Cold Mountain" but I couldn't do it.

When I read the ending first I was so bummed out, but when I finally finished the book the ending made more sense and seemed more logical. Still, I don't much care for the ending of "Cold Mountain".

A movie based on the book starrring Jude Law and Nicole Kidman is supposed to be coming out in December, and Charles Frazier reportedly received millions to write a sequel.

Even Jim Rome of the radio program "The Jungle" and the ESPN's "Rome is Burning" is shocked and disgruntled about Arnold becoming governor of the world's fifth largest economy.

Yeah Jim Rome!

I read somewhere on the Net that in the movie "Demolition Man" with Sylvester Stallone, the characters said that Arnold became governor of California and then president of the USA.

That movie was made about 10 years ago, and I wonder if the Arnie as governor of Cali is really in the movie. I saw the movie, but I don't remember that part.

Well, at least I voted like most of the the voters of the city and county of San Francisco; 80.4% voted No on The Recall.

I am surprised by how high the percentage is, but it makes me feel good about the city that I call my home.

In fact, all the nine counties of the San Francisco Bay Area voted No on The Recall. The city and county of Los Angeles voted No on The Recall as well. Yeah LA!

I think I'm starting on a Hong Kong kung fu action movie kick. Last week I went to the video store and rented Iron Monkey.

What a great flick! "Iron Monkey was directed and choreographed by Yuen Wo Ping, who choreographed the fight scenes for "The Matrix" and "Crounching Tiger, Hidden Dragon".

I grew up watching and loving hong kong kung fu action movies, since my parents were fans and I went to the movie theatre with them. I don't think they were into the "let's shield the kid from violent movies" type of parenting. It's either that or they couldn't get or afford babysitting.

But then again, they also loved "The Three Stooges" and we always watched them when they were on television. A friend of mine just told me that most women don't like The Three Stooges" because they were too violent.

Were they violent? I thought they were a scream! They were always poking and beating up on each other, but in a brotherly and silly way which was very, very comical.

Iron Monkey reminded me so much of movies I watched as a child. It definitely resembled old hong kong kung fu action movies. And there wasn't any of that fake flying stuff like "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon", which was a hong kong kung fu action movie dumbed down and made for american audiences.

Iron Monkey delivered great street fighting action scenes, and lots of old style shaolin kung fu with more emphasis on technique instead of acrobatics.

I also rented Bulletproof Monk with Chow Yun-Fat, just to see what that movie is about.

Now I want to rent more kung fu movies! They are so much, and they remind me of my childhood. Maybe I'll see if I can rent a Three Stooges video as well, just to see if I still like them or if I'll think now that I'm older that they were violent.

Do people now think that Laurel and Hardy were violent as well? Hardy was always hitting Laurel. Those guys were so darn funny!

I was getting caught up on reading all my favourite blogs, when I read on Carol's Chaotic Collection on Curiousities that eggplant has more nicotine than any other vegetable.

Is this why I love and crave eggplant? Because it has nicotine? How shocking! I've been trying to figure out for awhile now why I crave eggplant, and I do crave it. I used to smoke ciggies, so maybe I'm just craving nicotine and somehow my body knew that eggplant has nicotine because my mind sure as heck didn't.

Eggplant has nicotine ... I'm still so shocked!

Just filled out my absentee ballot, and will take it down to the polling place in awhile.

I voted No on the Recall, No on 53, and No on 54, and for insurance I voted Yes for Cruz Bustamante. I almost protest voted for Tom McClintock but I could feel my dead dad, a dyed in the wool union democrat freaking out, so I let that feeling pass.

If The Terminator gets in, we wouldn't be the first state to put someone like him in office. Minnesota voted Jesse Ventura, the wrestler, as their governor a few years ago. Ventura turned out to be a lame duck governor.

I think it will be an interesting dilemma for the GOP party in California if Arnold gets in. Are they going to change their social platform because Arnie is a RINO (republican in name only) after all? There are no other republicans in the state with Arnie's moderate social views. If this was a regular election, Arnold wouldn't even had won a statewide GOP primary and everybody knows that.

Cali is a weird state though. It's so huge and hard to poll. In the 2000 election, the pollsters kept saying up until election day that Bush would win the state and they were so wrong. I mean wrong, big time!

If Arnold gets in, then people in Cali have gotten desperate and are willing to give the other party a try. My birth state, who I never thought would ever elect a republican governor, did so. Hawaii is so democrat, it's the only state that voted for McGovern in 1972.

But the demise of the Japanese economy and a few natural disasters wreaked the state's economy, and after many years of recession voters had enough and voted the republicans in.

Cali might be in a similar state. I don't know. We'll find out.

I just read a post on a bulletin board that said the world must be coming to an end because the Cubs and the Red Sox are in the post season?

For their long suffering fans, it's about time they have their teams end up as winners.

Now if the Cubs and the Redsox are in the world series, then what? It's really going to be the end of the world then.

Even if the A's win against Boston tonight, I don't expect them to go much further. Their pitchers aren't healthy, and their hitting has been spotty. But it's baseball, and it's been a wild season and anything can happen.

Poor Giants! Is there any satisfaction anywhere when their former manager takes his team to their first post season victory in 95 years?

At least the 49ers won a game over their old coach, so that's something to feel happy about at least.

For my modern art history class I went to First Thursday tonight. On the First Thursday of every month, many of the commercial art galleries around Union Square stay open late so working people can view the artworks in their galleries. Many of galleries serve wine and some even have snacks.

It's kind of fun if you're interested in viewing contemporary art and getting free glasses of cheap wine. Plus it's a great for people watching because some people definitely dress for the occassion.

My art history teacher said that if we went to First Thursday and saw artists that we really liked, we could write about them and maybe compare and contrast their styles.

One artist in particular really stood out, Travis Somerville whose work was showing at the Catharine Clark Gallery.

I really liked his work, and out of everything I saw tonight, his stuff really stood out. He definitely has singular vision, and it's very fascinating.

I saw one artist's work, who actually lives in my new neighbourhood, and it was kind of cool because I recognized many of landscapes she painted.

As I was looking at work, I started to get an idea for a story. Many of this artist's painting featured people, and I was thinking, you know how artists are always sketching people in public.

Well, what if you were to walk into a gallery one day, and you saw a picture of yourself on the wall as one the background people in a painting. How interesting would that be.

And what if unbeknownst to the artist, she had capture some kind of dramatic moment in your life. Does this kind of thing even happen? Would the artist have to have permission from someone if they wanted to hang a picture of that person in a gallery. What if it was some kind of random crowd scene, that you just happen to be in?

I don't know. I think it would make for some kind of interesting story line to have a character discover the art in a gallery and then tell the artist that they're the one in the picture, and what was happening that day with them.

Was it american indians who didn't allow pictures to be taken of them because a picture captures your soul? Or was this some kind of Hollywood myth? Anyway, if a photograph can capture your soul, why not a painting?

I suppose I could have the artwork be a photo show instead of a painting show, but I like the idea of a painter rendering the likeness and emotion of the character with paint and brushstrokes.

An artist would just be interpreting the character and what they saw, but the question would be, did the artist get the character right? Or does it even matter that the artist got the character right, it's just an intepretation right?

From Gordon Zaft's blog, I read about this game called "In the Bag" which was from a blog by Terry Teachout, the drama critic of the Wall Street Journal and the music critic of Commentary.

Here are the rules "you can put any five works of art into your bag before departing for a desert island, but you have to decide right this second. No dithering: the body snatchers are banging on your front door. No posturing: you have to say the first five things that pop into your head, no matter how embarrassing they may sound. What do you stuff in the bag?"

Here are my picks as of this second.

1. cd - The Cure - Wish
2. artwork - Vincent Van Gogh - Vase with 15 Sunflowers (London, National Gallery)
3. book - Japan at the Dawn of the Modern Age, Woodblock Prints from the Meiji Era (MFA publication from Museum of Fine Arts, Boston)
4. book - The Bible, NRSV
5. book - The Riverside Shakespeare

Interesting, huh?

There was a man strumming his guitar and singing "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd at the Powell Muni/BART station last night around 10 pm. He had a pretty good voice, and could definitely play guitar.

Memories of other troubadors crooning in public places flooded my tired brain.

The guy with the beautiful dreadlocks at the Picadilly tube stop in London, singing "Wonderwall" by Oasis. The escalator leading down into the station was steep and reminded me of the escalator at the Dupont Circle station in DC.

The man's voice drifted up to me as I rode the escalator down, and his beautiful face came into view at the bottom. I smiled at him and he smiled back, and the I hurried on my way to catch a train to Earl's Court.

When I was vacationing in Bali for a month, I stayed at a hotel in Kuta Beach that had a piano in the foyer. There was a man from Boston, playing "Knocking on Heaven's Door" on the piano at all hours of the day and night. He didn't sing, but played beautifully, slowly, meditatively.

Hearing the song at night was beautiful, and it blended wonderfully yet at the same time eerily with the sounds of the gamelan player who played in the gardens at night.

Then of course, I have many memories of hearing some guy playing a saxaphone in downtown San Francisco during the evening rush hour, serenading the commuters home. There is nothing like hearing a jazz saxaphone soundtrack with its music floating to the top of the highrises to make you feel like you're really lucky to be living and working in a big city.

Where there's a will, there's a way. I was all set to buy a usb to parrallel cable to connect the free office printer my friend gave me, when I decided to try to connect it to my ethernet 10/100 base_tx network and the home portal device I bought for my DSL connection.

After much searching on the internet and stumbling around, and even calling the people who made my home portal who blithely told me that they don't support printer sharing, I figured it out and now I have two printers. YEAH!!!

I used to curse the time I worked for that startup and had to work the helpdesk for six months, but not anymore. The best thing I learned from the "Hi I'm the helpdesk" experience" was how to troubleshoot a computer problem.

I mean, it was the three of us at the startup and if we couldn't figure it out it's not like we could ask anybody else. I learned how to fix things out of sheer survival. It would take all day sometimes, but at least I got it fixed.

The laserjet printer is great. It prints so fast!

As a California resident and voter who remembers all the media hype during 2000 election about Bush winning California, I wonder if the same thing is happening again with Schwarznegger and the recall election.

I remember Senator John McCain even saying one week before the presidential election that Gore would lose California and Bush would win. The polls even showed Bush winning. Yet, Gore won California by a huge margin.

I mean this is the same media after all, who hyped the dot com market and never said anything about it the stocks being overvalued or even talking about the possibility of a crash. We didn't get any of that, except maybe the mainstream media scoffing at the doom and gloomers who said to get out of the market before it crashes.

So let's see ... in March 2000, Nasdaq was at what 5,000 + and today it closed at 1,824.

Does the mainstream media ever get anything right?

I saw "Underworld" on Friday night, and loved it. The critics hated it, and I can see why, but I don't care. Word has definitely gotten around about its suck factor, because there were only about ten people in the theatre.

I think I loved "Underworld" because I love vampire movies. I've seen every single one of them including the original silent screen edition of "Noseferatu", which made weep at the end.

I was googling the movie afterwards, and there's like all this gossip about the movie. At the time the movie was being filmed, Kate Beckinsale was living with the head werewolf guy, Michael Sheen. They also share a daughter Lilly. She probably helped to get him the part.

After filming, Kate breaks up with head werewolf guy Michael and says it was was because they were incompatible.

Months later, Beckinsale ends up engaged to the director of "Underworld" Len Wiseman, who was married to someone else during the filming of the movie.

I wish I'd known all this juicy gossip before I'd seen the movie, because it might have been fun to check out the interaction between the two actors.

Maybe I'm depressed because in the process of studying the modern art of Jackson Pollock, Willem de Kooning, Mark Rothko, Barnett Newman, Alberto Giacometti, art informel, Jean Fautrier, Jean Dubuffet, Antoni Tapies, Francis Bacon and Lucien Freud, I've had to read up on existentialism.

Reading the philosophy of existentialism will, I'm convinced, depress anyone.

Maybe I'm in a bad mood because I saw the ACT production of "Les Liaisons Dangereuses", by Choderlos de Laclos and adapted and directed by Giles Havergal, on Thursday.

When the Glenn Close/John Malcovich version of the movie first came out, I got a weird kind of intuition not to see it, like it was really bad or something. I did end up watching it years later on video, and didn't think it was that bad.

The Annette Bening/Colin Firth version which was titled "Valmont" didn't quite have the menacing feeling that came across in the Close/Malcovich version, but it was better at portraying The Vicomte as a more charming rogue.

"Cruel Intentions" with Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillipe, and Reese Witherspoon, was the updated teenage angst version of the story. And although enjoyable, there was something missing in translating the story to a modern day upper class prep school in NYC.

I also saw a play version by Christopher Hampton performed by some friends of mine a few years ago at City College, and they weren't the best but the playwright's adapation was amazing.

In ACT's production, Giles Avergal returned to the original version of the book, which was written in the forms of letters. Giles Havergal did a fantastic adaptation of Graham Greene's novel "Travels with My Aunt" for ACT a few years ago, and he did a good job with this book as well, although as some critics have pointed out he did simplify the plot probably more than was necessary.

The actors were great, and I thought this was the best version I've seen of the relationship between Vicomte de Valmont and the Marquise de Merteuil. The two were lovers first, and the play showed that the Marquise was more in love with him that she was willing to admit.

As an audience, you have to know that the two were lovers first so you can understand the extent to which their love, their attraction turned into pure hatred and evil. Havergal's adaption shows that evolution in its entirety and the actors give a great performance as well.

What's missing is the more seemy side of Valmont's debauchery as well the more treacherous aspects of the Marquise' libertine games.

It is disturbing to see love used so wantonly, so cruelly, with little regard to people or to feelings, but I think that was the whole point of Choderlos de Laclos' book. The kind of behaviour of portrayed in the book is common fare on soap operas, although not quite as elegantly done as the original french version.

But despite the shocking nature of the story, in the end the play and the book is a morality tale, and all the bad people get what they deserve. And it is maybe the ending which is the most disturbing part of the play and book. After all when in the real world do the villians ever get punished?