The bloggie is finally working, although I'm not. I've either had the worst stomach flu I've had in years or a case of food poisioning, not sure which. Monday night came home from class with the worst headache. I rarely have coffee at night, except when I have a class. Maybe it was the coffee and the ride on the 31 Balboa with all its twists and turns that made me nauseous. Finally, I get up at 3 in the morning to take some aspirin which knocks me right out

Next day, I have three loose movements before work, five when I get to work, and then I throw up in my wastebasket at my desk four times. Not a good sign. I had a project due that day by 1:30 pm. I tried to tough it out and even managed to answer email and get half way through the project. By 10:30 am, I'm about to pass out so I leave.

And now I've been in bed since Tuesday. I thought I might go in today but those loose movements this morning really stopped me. I wish I knew what was wrong. I stepped on the scale and I lost four pounds in three days. On Tuesday, I would eat and then throw everything up. On Wednesday, I ate and then had to run to the bathroom 10 minutes later. I wonder what today will bring.

It's no fun being sick, especially since I've decided that my bed sucks and it's not the right kind of bed to lie about in for days on end. I think I need a new bed.

Testing my bloggie - unable to post, then the bloggie disappeared. Testing, testing, testing.

I'm a scene away from plot point two in my script. God, I've been dreading writing this all weekend. Talk about fear of the unknown. This is the scene where my character has the big blow out with his dad and has to get through years of anger and make peace with him before I kill the father character off the next day. God, this is the conversation I wish I had in 1992 with my dad and I don't know how to write because I never had it.

I'm afraid it will turn into one big emotional crapshoot with me as the victim. This is the part of art that scares me, when you have to lay your soul bare and out there for others to see. It's what stopped me from acting. I just couldn't get to the point where I could reveal myself on stage like that. I got past this point in my collage artwork but it took alot out of me to do that. I don't know if I can do this in my writing. I know I've done it before, but each time I've had to face this point, I freak.

I keep telling myself it's not too bad and that once you're through it, your through it. And that it's not even me speaking, it's some baseball player character guy I made up, so it's not even my story, it's really his story.

I feel like that character in Shakespeare in Love, who keeps saying "it all works out, it always does, not quite sure how, but it always works out."

I added two extra scenes and I was upset because I over my scene limit, but then I remembered and I had made four scenes out of two when they could really be condensed into two. Actually, there could two more scenes that I could combine into two, but I think I'll wait unitl I really need to do it. I was so paniced, but it all worked out. It always does. Never mind that my script is turning into a bad lifetime movie of the week and that my screenwriting classmates will just hate the shit out of it. This is the hardest project I've ever done in my life. It's so close to home, too close.

Well, I guess the only to the other side is through it, I guess. I normally would say to go around it, but in writing, you have to go through it, you can't go around. At least, I haven't found a way to do that yet. Maybe someday.

Meanwhile that Vertical Horizon song keeps playing on my computer to give me inspiration to write this emotional plot point two. It's fiction though, I have to remember it's fiction and I can lie as much as I want. It's fiction.

I went to the new age expo yesterday just to see if I was up on all the latest developments in health, skin care and of course new age woo woo. There was nothing there I didn't already know about except a japanese massage technique called Shindo. I'll have to research shindo and find out what it is. They even had a booth for thai massage, a technique that I've been interested in exploring.

I went with a friend of mine and we even snuck into a John Gray lecture. John Gray of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus fame. We would have to pay $20 to see him but we snuck in at the last minute and participated in an angel healing with him.

It was so funny to see John Gray and other notable new age bookwriters walking around the fair talking to people. They look so different in person than they do in their TV specials or in their headshots for their books.

John Gray is a trip. He's definitely your typical new age guy woo woo guy with the way he talks and even his body shape. He's very short and thin. He was wearing a dark pink silk shirt and white pants; definitely the new age guy uniform.

There wasn't as much free stuff this year as there was last year and there were alot of groups that were at prvevious fairs in the past, but weren't there this year. There was a whole row upstair for people giving massages and healing and fortune telling. Their presence was new. I don't remember them from last year. They all seemed to have brisk business though, so there must be a need for them.

The new age expo was like a carnival for adults, where if you had lots of money you had a good time. For $15, you get a picture of your auras via some kind of polaroid camera, which you can proudly wear pinned to you for all the world to see. You can get your face painted, your palsm red, you chakras healed, your fortune told over and over again, in case you didn't like what one said, you can always get a second opinion, a third and a fourth, however many you like, because you know somewhere out there, there's the right fortune, the right future for you.

The food booth wasn't that that interesting except they had a raw food place and puerto rican place. They had fried bananas and I love fried b'nans so I had to eat Puerto Rican food. I haven't had good puerto rican food since my vacation to Miami and South Beach. I almost want to go back to South Beach so I can go eat puerto rican and cuban food. They serve you fried bananas at every meal. South Beach is more european than american. The girls sunbathe topless at the beach. The beaches at South Beach are really nice. It's all white sand and you can walk a long way and look at the South Beach skyline with it hotels and art deco feel.

My friend and I were suppose to go to the new age hoe down at 9 pm, but we decided we'd had enough. Besides, we didn't see many guys we'd even want to talk to, let alone dance with there.

But it's nice to know, we both thought on the way home, that we haven't missed anything and we have everything we need at home.