It's interesting listening to the reasons why potential marriage partners on "Married by America" are being rejected the friends and family of the participants. I've heard some of these reasons before from boyfriends who broke up with me.

Some boyfriends have told me that I was too into my "career" and had too many outside interests like writing, and that they were afraid I would always be second in their life. They were right about this one, and I've had to really look at this one honestly.

Some boyfriends have said that I was too much into personal transformation and always changing, and that they were afraid that one day I would change so much that I would leave them. These guys were obviously too insecure to be with me. I'm very independent and into personal and spiritual growth, and some guys aren't into women with these traits.

A couple of guys said that they thought I might be smarter than they were, and they didn't know if they could be with someone who was smarter than they were. I never had guys say this to me, and although I was extremely flattered it freaked me out at the same time. I've decided that I could never be with someone who I didn't think was smarter than me. It would just be too strange and awful. I like guys who are very intelligent, and quick on the uptake. I dumped a guy once when he told me my conversations were too deep for him. It was hard to do, because frankly the man was playgirl gorgeous but talk about "dumb blonde". I just couldn't handle it, and when he got whiny that was it.

I'm bad. I'm watching "Married by America, but I can't help it. I'm finally doing my taxes, and I have the TV on as background. The show is so funny. They asked a group of the suitor guys about sexual appetite, and one guy just blurted out "that he's hungry, like he's at an all you can eat buffet". And the next guy afterwards said that he was "hungry too, and would do things like tear the wife's clothes off at the door." These guys are so funny! Cute as heck too.

I like the fact that they have roommates, friends, and or family choosing the person these people are supposed to marry. I mean, your friends and family should have your best interests at heart right?

I went to a screenplay reading by a friend from myscreenwriting class on Saturday. My friend worked really hard on his screenplay, and I know rewrote the thing 3 or 4 times and even went to two scene by scene intensive classes. But sadly, the new reworked screenplay from what I could tell wasn't that much different from the first draft I read.

I don't know. I'm freaked. I knew my friend had been really very hard on his screenplay, so I guess I expected to see a really improved verison. Instead it was more of the same. I know the written second draft of my screenplay is radically different from the first version, so I guess I expected the same thing to happen to my friend.

It must be such a bummer to have worked that hard, and still not have it your writing be any better. I think of how much work I've put into my screenplay. I write about 10 outlines before I even start writing, because it's so hard to get the plot just right. If I count the outlines I've written, which take 1-3 hours to write each, I'm on something like draft # 20. That's a heck of a lot of drafts.

I'm starting to freak out again about the strange concept called "talent". Do I have it? Does it matter? Everyone all my life who has read anything I've ever written said I have some talent, bad grammar but some talent. Like what does "some talent" mean? And when do you start admitting to yourself that you just don't have what it takes to make it, and that maybe writing is in the genes.

Like take weight. I'm never going to be model thin ever. I don't have the genes for that. I have the kind of genes where keeping my weight at a healthy level is always going to be a struggle.. I'm always going to have to be disciplined about what I eat and how much I exercise, but I have two sisters who don't watch what they eat and don't exercise and have never been above a size 4. Like what's up with that?

My poor screenwriting friend. I received an email from him this morning thanking everybody for attending the reading. He admitted he was disappointed, because he honestly thought he had a finished product. I can't believe he thought he had a finished product, and I have to wonder about the people in screenwriting group who may have told him he had a good product. Like what is up what the people in the screenwriting group? It makes me wonder if having other people read you work is even worth it.

Stephen King in his book "On Writing", that you should just have a few trusted friends read your work and that writing classes and workshops aren't really that useful. Is he right? I trust my long time writing group, but I don't know if I trust anyone else except my screenwriting and acting teacher to read my work.

Writing is such a mystery. You'd think it would be easy. but it's not. Talent is so subjective and fickle. I'm starting to wonder if it's really all worth it.

I was going through my papers, when I found a bone density report I had done at a health fair. My mom has osteoperosis, and broke her hip falling out of a chair a few years ago. The whole incident freaked me out, so when I saw the booth at the health fair offering bone density screenings I went for it.

For the bone density test, I lay down and went through a machine and had a dexa test. The test scans your body and measure your bones, as well as your body mass and your percentage of body fat. The report recommends what your weight and body fat should be, and then how many calories to eat to lose weight without losing your lean mass, and how many calories to eat to preserve your weight.

What's interesting is that the report recommends that my body weight should be 149.9 pounds or 27% body fat, and this is the weight I've been plateauing on for the last 6 weeks. According to my bone density report, I'm at the perfect weight.

The report also show what my body fat percentage will be at different weight. My goal weight was to weigh 130 pounds, but at that weight my body fat percentage will be 17%. All the health guidlines I've read say that a female should not go below 18% body fat, because there might be serious health consequences.

So now I'm like thinking, my weight plateauing because 149 pounds is comfortable for my body, and if I want to weigh less I'm going to have to fight my body. But I really want to lose more weight, because my tummy is still fat and I still have fat on my hips and thighs. Am if fighting nature at this point and is it worth it?

To have a 20% body fat percentage, I would need to weigh 136.8 pounds. I would need to lose 12 more pounds to have a boy fat percentage of 20%. The minimum body fat percentage I should have is 18%, which means I'd have to weigh 134 pounds. So my new weight goal is 134 pounds, which means I now need to lose 15 pounds. I don't know if trying to get to an 18% body fat percentage is going to work for me, but I'm curious to know what I would look like at that weight.

The bone density report recommended that I eat 1313 calories per day to lose weight. Anything less than amount will cause me to go into starvation, or so says the report. The figure is based on my lean body mass of 109.5 pounds multiplied by 12.0 So my new calorie average total until I lose the weight is 1313. I've never had a weekly calorie average that low before, and I'm not even sure if I can do it.

Rock star guy was very complimentary on my weight loss and new look, but then spoiled it for me by saying my jeans were too loose, and couldn't I buy tighter jeans. Men! I know rock star guy meant well, and probably just likes the look of a girl in a skin tight pair of jeans. I told him the jeans fit my hips, but were just loose on the thighs. Rock star smiled and said "thin thighs were a good thing." And I'm like "whatever".