It is so hard to watch the news without crying. I didn't anything could be worse than 9/11 but now I wonder. So many lives lost, so many people having to relocate, anarchy abounds, this is what happens when civilizations goes. I've seen it in tv shows and movies but never thought to see in real life played 24/7 on the news.

Someone at work is challenging everyone to donate one day's pay to the people of New Orleans. Gas today for premium was up at $3.19 and regular at $2.99. I feel like people are scared and emotions are high at the consequences for our economy.

And in the midst of this I am so happy with M-Square and so excited to see him tomorrow. I feel ike we are really connecting after two months. It's been building ever so slowly and gradually that we each don't have time to panic yet about what we're doing. He is just the coolest, coolest, smartest guy! He is so quick on the draw and he remembers everything I've told him about myself, which is kind of scary.

He told me he thought my mind would be hardest thing to pin down, and I told him he was right. We are so alike and yet so different ... and we're both in transition which is kind of frightening.

I want it to work with him very, very badly! More than I've ever wanted it to work with any guy in my life. I'm even starting to think love doesn't necessary mean enslavement especially when you really love someone, and that compromise can be a good thing. But above all that kindess for another person's well being is the most important thing and that I have to remember this fact at every moment especially in this relationship with M-Square. We're so connected that I have to stay balanced because he'll feel it when I'm not, and probably more because I sometimes am so in denial about what I'm really feeling.

My prayers go out to the people of New Orleans and my friend at Wall of Sleep, and everyone else who is suffering from the effects of Hurricane Katrina.

Just watching the news is so depressing and frightening. I've never been to New Orleans and now who knows if I'll be able to visit it now and see a real Mardi Gras. I think that there will be serious consequences for the US economy because of the possible damage to the oil refineries and the loss of a major city like New Orleans.

M-Square is so great! He said he wanted to make sure he talked to me tonight because he sensed that I was having such a hard day. He is the perfect sweetie! And at the end of our conversation, he said that he was glad that he got me stop thinking about work for awhile.

I brought work home. That's how busy I am. I still have a proposal to read before I go to sleep because we're having three vendor presentations tomorrow. And in between the three presentations, I'm having a meeting and possibly one more meeting at lunch time. This is the busiest I've been in a long time. And I'm kind of freaking out about it because I'm interviewing to leave.

Plus dummy me scheduled a dentist appointment tomorrow afternoon so I could get my dental checkups out of the way before I changed jobs.

My boss' boss wants me to fly to DC for a conference next week to take the place of a medical director who may not be going. I was kind of interested in going because it's fun to travel for business, but now I don't want to. I think the medical director is going to end up going anyway and I don't want to go to a conference where I'll be the only non-clinician in the room. That's just way to embarrassing for me to not have the depth of knowledge that a clinician might have. It's something I don't think you can BS your way out of either.

Here's my job hunting update. I've had three phone interviews with this one company, and they've all been very positive. This Friday I will have phone interview # 4 with the same company, and if that goes well then someone will fly in to interview me in person and after that they'll make a decision.

I have a friend who is pyschic and when I told her about this job, she said that she was picking up good feelings about it. I am too. I like the company philosophy, they are publicly traded and very team-oriented. I really want to go back to working for a company that is team-oriented and where's not that much infighting among divisions.

Even if I don't get this job, I've been getting great practice at interviewing and I am grateful for the opportunity. It's been a year and a half since I've had to interview, and I think you just forget how to do it. But I'm getting good at it now. I can work on my rap and see where I need to brush up on what I need to talk about to sell myself.

I'm hoping I get this job. I just want to get out of my current job and my therapist agrees with me. She thinks my current job, with the exception of my boss, is just chock full of toxic people who are negative. She thinks I need to get out as soon as I can.

And with an eye on the future, this company has an office in LA which makes me happy in case things with M-Square work out and I want to move to LA so we can really date and get to know each other. I'd move down to Laguna Beach or some place near there, get my own place, and then do the dating thing with M-Square. Having a job to move to would give me a sense of security and an instant social work group.

I'm adding the requirement that any company I work for has an office in LA, so if I want to move I may be able to just transfer within the same company.