Saturday was busy! Finally after two months, my acupuncturist tells me it looks like I've lost some weight. He was very happy, but told me I need to lose more. At least he noticed which pleased me immensely!

Then I went to my hair guy to get a haircut. My hair was getting too long and it was starting to look straggly and I was thinking I was looking like a little too witchy with my fried ends or stuck in some hippie chick timewarp. My hair guy is so great! He is outrageously expensive, but he is worth every penny. He took about a couple of inches off my hair, and layered my hair so it doesn't look too heavy. Too much hair I think weights my face down. He knows I like to put my hair in a pony tail, so he tries to make sure that when it's all bound up like that my tail looks straight and even and not uneven. I love my new cut. My hair feels lighter and more managable, even though it's still long.

Then I asked the girls at the front desk if the salon did waxing. My brows and lips were practically frightful! They said no but gave me a business card to the place they all go to, which just so happened to be down the street.

What a gerat recommendation! The woman was great and my browns look amazing. She also did my lips and got all the hair off fairly quickly. She also does facials and said if I come in for a facial, she'll do my face waxing for free. She costs twice as much as what I normally pay, but I was very impressed by how fast and efficent she was and how she got my brows to arch a little more. There were women in the salon paying for $200 worth of beauty treatments, which made my jaw drop. What are these girls paying for? Sure, they looked great but $200 worth of treatments? They must have had full-on body waxing like legs, bikini line, back, brows, lips, back, you name it. I hope they didn't pay for underarm waxing because it's so not worth it. The hair grows back in like 4-5 days, and you feel so cheated because it hurts and it's not cheap.

Then for whatever reason, I headed down to the Ghiradelli Square to watch the Blue Angels show. I haven't seen a show in years, and it was to watch them again. Everyone was saying there were going to be a million people watching the show over the weekend, and it sure felt like it. I walked from Union Square to Ghiradelli Square along the Embardero and it was packed. I found a spot at the center stage and sat on the pavement next to this couple that were doing the same.

The show was supposed to start around 3 pm, but an announcement was mnade that some idiot had too many margaritas and fell off a boat in the bay and the coast guard was doing a search and rescue. And I'm like, they should have just let the fool drown. It was pretty funny though hearing the announcer trying to fill in the time and interview like totally boring official types.

When the show finally started, there was 15 minutes of some huge airplanethey call "Fat Albert" and people were getting restless, like "come on show us the real stuff!" When the Blue Angels finally appeared the crowd's mood seemed visisbly lightened. I don't remember ever hearing this before, but they were played some really good tunes during the show.

The most memorable song I remember was that song from "Top Gun" called "The Danger Zone". That was cool because as soon as that song came on, I started flashing on that movie. I'm sure everyone was doing the same thing.

Getting home was a nightmare. I hadn't eaten lunch and was there from 2-4:30 pm, so I stood in a long line at In and Out Burger and bought a burger, fries and a chocolate shake. I was totally starving and my weight watchers diet went out the window. Then I tried to take a bus home, which took forever. I think it took me two hours to get home.

I was tired and didn't want to walk back downtown, so I took a bus which was horrid. The traffic to get out the Fisherman's Wharf area was congested and Van Ness was so slow. ANd I could tell I was tired and not thinking straight because I couldn't figure out which bus to take. The easist thing would have been to catch the 30 stockton right outisde of Ghiradelli Square and then hop on the 28 home. But made my life hell and first waited for a 47 to go downtown. Then after waiting 20 minutes for a bus which was a block away becuase the traffic was so backed up, I decided to take a 47 in the opposite direction to get the Van Ness Station. It didn't hit me until I was 30 minutes on the 47 and seeing a couple of 30 Stockton buses go by that I should take a 30 Stockton because Van Ness was going to be as backed up as the Embarcadero. What a nightmare. Once the 30 Stockton turned off of Van Ness it moved pretty quicky and in was home in half an hour.

I saw this article last week from the Guaurdan UK, "Top 10 Sci-Fi Films. Supposedly all these scientists came up with this list. Okay, like "Blade Runner" is a great movie but does it really rate being number one? I have friends who have told me "Blade Runner" is on their top 10 favorite movie list of all time. They all like that ending line which goes something like "And who lives forever" or something like that.

At least The Matrix made the list, and yes one of the Star Wars, and I think the movie that should have been number one, "2001 Space Odyssey", but which came in at numnber two.

Good news today! One of the places I sent my resume to called for a job interview. That's not bad huh? I applied to four jobs and two called back now for interviews. I interview next Thursday on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.

I probably shouldn't be interviewing on one of the highest holy day of the jewish calendar, but it felt like a good day. The woman I spoke to and I were laughing about it. I said I know it's an important holiday because it's on my calendar but I'd forgotten what it was about, and she said she wanted to write on my application, "good sense of humor". Cute huh?

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't fly down to the OC to be with M-Square. This company has lots of offices in Southern California, so if I move down there next year hopefully I'll be able to transfer within the same company and already have a job if and when I move.

My poor M-Square. When I tune into him I keep getting the feeling that he's so afraid of losing me. I couldn't keep the hurt and disappointment out of my voice yesterday when he told me not to fly down. But it's all good. I even started remembering how easy it was to fall in love with him those two months before we met, and how meeting him just cemented my feelings.

I had this whole fantasy that we would like have a porno-type love fest in the car in the parking garage at LACMA when we got to the King Tut exhibit, or we would find some deserted spot in the exhibit and have a quickie. What a laugh! King Tut was like totally packed and we ended up parking outside. But M-Square must have had the same idea or else he picked up on thoughts because at some point while I was getting stuff out of the backseat of the care I was on all fours and he asked me "are you assuming the position?" So funny.

Then at the King Tut Exhibit he sent me desire vibes which freaked me out because meeting him after two months was just so weird. Plus he was doing the typical guy thing and totally finding any excuse to put his hands on my body, something I normally can't stand but with him it was fun and very, very erotic. And then when we walked down to the beach from his place to watch the sunset, he held my hand going down the stairs and I was like "Ahhhhh, just like in the love movies." And then I spoiled the moment by stepping in the dog pooh, and then I started freaking out because I was afraid of ruining my shoes.

And then our final goodbye kisses were so hot! From our goodbye kiss I finally understood that phrase "they kissed like lovers on the edge of a void" ...such good memories!

I hope this job pays more than what I'm making because it will cost me about $150 to commute to work now instead of the $45 I pay now. I really, really like this company that I will be interviewing with. There are doing well and they have about 30-40% of the California health insurance market. I asked a really, really good friend of mine who is a pediatric nurse about this company, and she said the company is doing some great things. My ex-boss from two jobs ago also works for the company but not at their corporate office.

I'm also looking forward to getting my PCP and OBGYN back as well, since they are with this company. I can't see them now because of the way health insurance works in this state, but if I get the job I'll have access.

M-Square and I had a huge fight this week. He's going through a really hard time at work and being very non-communicative. I was supposed to fly down to see him on Septemer 24, but he was going to work that weekend. And then I wanted to fly down next week to see him but he's just way too stressed from work and other things going on his life.

I was so pissed at him. He says I leave him too many voicemails and it's like he's talking to me so he doesn't feel like calling. Then when I finally talk to him he's like so stressed out and says I'll call you back and never does. The boy is just so wiped out every day. He's hired three new employees and training new people is very stressful to him. He said the new people never show up for work on time and it pisses him off.

I stopped calling him at work because I knew he was training new people, so I don't get to talk to him during the day. Lack of communication just totally freaks me out. I think he's also having a hard time with the owner of the company, who brought M-Square in to take the company international. But it's hard I think for an owner who's had his own business for 30 years to all of a sudden bring in another person and expect to give up control, even if the new person is a long time friend of his. His boss wants do two seminars as well and wants M-Square to help him do it. He said something about maybe doing the seminars in New York and Florida.

M-Square has a degree in physics and can explain the science of the products they're selling. He's been a pharma rep before, and taught seminars to doctors on drugs so he's good at leading seminars. But this is a new field for him and it's a totally different thing than getting docs to use and buy drugs.

So my baby boy is all stressed out and says he feels pressured by me and I just about lost it on Tuesday and was so ready to break up with him. I called him on Tuesday after not hearing from him for a whole week and he said something like "didn't I tell you that?" and I just got riled and didn't know why. When I finally figured it on Wednesday, it was pretty silly.

I got mad because I hadn't heard from him for a week and then we he said he'd told me something already it was like "who the hell are you talking to, what woman has my exact same voice that you think you are talking to me?" I was jealous and didn't even know it. Then I had to call him back and grovel and beg for forgiveness.

I know the guy isn't seeing anyone else. I just hate that he doesn't call enough and he hates that I leave too many voicemails. Then he said that I don't give him a chance to call me. I felt bad when he said that because other guys have said this to me before.

I finally figured it out that he was thinking I didn't trust him enough to call me and it was really getting to him. He gets enough of that "no trust" stuff at work and now he has to deal with it with me. But I spoke to him and we made up and then I was happy again. He just needs his space because he's so stressed at work, and I think I was focusing too much on him and not enough on my own life.

I've stopped writing and I've stopped job hunting. I was becoming way to co-dependent and not being the independent person I normally am. That was a hard lesson for me to learn, but at least I got it now and we're still together.

I'm just happy we're still together, but disappointed that I can't see him. With all the work stress he's under, it's taking a toll on his health and he can't sleep and he's not eating right. He says he comes home and tries to read but can't relax and totally does not feel like talkking to anyone. I so know what he's going through. Work stress is really, really difficult. He says he misses me terribly and he's afraid of losing me, and I guess me wanting to break it off just doesn't help things much. He says he's under a lot of pressure at work and having me stress on him is another pressure-stressor in his life.

My poor boy! He always sounds so exhausted and whiny when I talk to him. He doesn't want to be that way with me, but he says he can't help it. I think I just have to calm down and get back to my own life, because not writing and not job hunting is making me unhappy as well. I also stopped working out, which never, never helps.

I was amazed at how easy it was for me to become so co-dependent on him, which is unhealthy for me and for our relationship. I feel bad too because my total instinct is to mother him and make his pain go away, and I know I shouldn't do that. He's an adult and doesn't need me mothering him and care-taking him like that.

But this is hard because I want to see him and I can't. My idea of heaven would be to just lie in bed all day and have sex with him all weekend, but in his state of mind and health he said it probably wouldn't be very satsifying. I'm sure he has performance anxiety running through his head as well.

But at least we're still together and holding on, and that's the most important thing. Work stress can't last forever and hopefully soon he'll be better soon and I can fly down to see him. My therapist said I need to take things one day at a time with him and be in the moment with him until his work pressure eases off. She said work stress is everyone's number one stressor with relationship stress running a close seocnd, so he's got a double whammy with me in the picture.