Is it like totally weird that one of my ex-boyfriends has his own entry in Wikipedia? I knew there was a reason I named him "the one that got away".

I had a dream about him last night where I was kissing his neck and it tasted very salty!

Men are like so dang emotional! I can't stand it! There's this guy at work, the one I took a two-hour coffee break with a couple of weeks ago, and he is like so mad at me. I don't want to work for him, and I have been avoiding not telling him because I hate conflict. So tonight there was like an Octoberfest outing for his group that I got invited to, and I went thinking I could talk to him. Big Mistake! It was not the right time and place and there were way too many people, and I got so triggered so I like flirted with whoever was sitting next to me and this guy like gave me the evil eye the whole time. God I hate that!

Okay, I know the guy is mad at me because I haven't fessed up to him that I don't want to interview for a position in his department, but does he like have to give me the evil eye at a company outing. I was only going to stay for one beer and instead ended up drinking three beers, and finally I couldn't stand it and had to tell him on the way out that I needed to talk to him.

How dang awkward! Oh my god! I'm not his fiance and I don't need him being all mad at me because I'm too chicken to talk to him and tell him that I don't want to work for him. He wants to talk to me in person and so I'm going to have to take him to lunch next week and break the news to him, like he doesn't already know that I don't want to work for him. What a bother!

But I totally like this guy and he's like a soul mate and everything, and if maybe things were really different and he wasn't like that much younger than me and not spiritual, I might go for it somehow. But god! The guy has got a fiance whom he totally loves, but for whatever reason the guy totally loves talking to me and we can talk to each forever and feel like there's no one else in the world but the two of us. It's a weird situation and I can't deal with weird right now.

But I guess he has a right to be mad at me because I'm like such a wuss, so I'll take him to lunch next week and face the music and hopefully salvage our friendship.

So like I am wondering if I should torture myself again and do the National Novel Writing Month. I was so good in 2001, 2002, and 2003. I failed in 2004, and completely skipped it in 2005.

It's such a great exercise for a writer to see what your capacities are for novel production. Lessons I've learned:

I can write every day, but it is very challenging with a full-time job.

I can only write for 2-hours at a time and then I burn out.

I can do three writing segments with each segment lasting 2 hours, if I have a 1-2 hour break in between each segment.

Four writing segments is way too much for me. I tried but I couldn't do it.

I need to write with an outline with the story loosely plotted out, otherwise I will get lost and take detours and spend hours writing about one thing.

What a busy weekend! Missy L and I and her mom drove down to Pacific Grove to a seminar on Soulmates, and then we went to my favorite restaurnat "Fishwife". After lunch we walked to Asilomar Beach and hung out It was a beautiful day and there was a ton of people at the beach. The weather was so gorgeous!

Then we took a drive around 17 mile drive. The waves were so picture post card perfect, breaking at around 2-4 ft which is great for those beaches. The light was hitting everything at an incredible angle and everything just looked so beautiful.

We drove back on 1 and stopped at a veggie stand. Missy L bought a cinderella pumpkin and brussel sprouts. I bought 5 just picked artichokes for 50 cents.

Then we stopped at this new restaurant in Half Moon Bay called Red Ginger. a new pan asian fusion restaurant that just opened six months ago. The food was delicately flavored and pretty amazing. We were pretty darn impressed and definitely want to go back. They had fun japanese vodka maritinis. I had something called a "rose petal martinini, which we think was vodka and rose water. I loved it. Missy L had tangretini, which was like a tangerine flavored martini and her mom had something called a "geisha girl martini". The restaurants also served flights, which are three small glasses of either red or white wine. Flights are great if you're into a little mini wine tasting.

All in all it was fun day. And I can't believe the Red Ginger restaurant had a whole menu of vodka martinis, and not gin martinis which I abhor. The smell of gin makes me woof my cookies, which is kind of sad since I used to drink gin straight out of the bottle like any proper flapper girl. It's what always happens when you abuse something for too long. I totally abused my gin drinking in college and now cannot absolutely stand the smell of it.

I've been drinking vodka martinis since my first love introduced them to me in a bar in Washington DC the semester I was interning there. God I remeber that night like it was yesterday, which is shocking since I think I drank about 7 VMs. I hadn't seen MN since he transferred to Oberlin the year before and it was just so cool that he was still in town when I landed in DC. Had I known he was going to be home in Bethesda Maryland, I wouldn't have stopped in New York for a few days before flying down to DC.

Wow, talk about regrets. I used to think I had very few regrets but I so regret not going to DC right away. If I had gone early maybe MN and I would have gotten to know each other intimately, instead of my roommate walking in on us just was were getting really comfortable. Talk about a spoilt moment and a wasted opportunity. He was leaving to go back to Oberlin the next day. We would never have a moment like that again.

Oh well, probably just as well we didn't. MN was such a soulmate, but I think he was only supposed to be a non-romantic soul mate and not a romantic one. He was my best friend in college my freshman year. We did just about everything together but that. I still remember MN telling me once "if you can't trust me, who can you trust?"

Okay, I know it was probably all for the better but it's making me cry all the same. I'm also listening to the song "Too little, too late" by JoJo that I just bought from iTunes, so maybe that has something to do with the tears.

I did have a weird dream about my first love a couple of weeks ago. I haven't had a dream about him in years. God, I hope he's safe and sound and alright. He's like some president of some organization right now in New Jersey.

MN was the standard I used to measure all my boyfriends in my 20's. MN was so cool! He was the I think, the number one singles player in Maryland in high school tennis, was first violin chair in his school orchestra, he had his pilot's license, he was smart and so darned cute, and he played a damned good bass on his Rickenbacker. I still remember the time he played one of Rachmaninoff's piano concerto for me. I mean how bizarrely romantic is that!

I know it's way too late for us, but he's my first love, my soulmate, and we finished our karma together in this lifetime, which makes him so special for me. I would have converted for him back then if we had gone in that direction. But it's way too late for all that.