I'm listening to John McCain's speech. You gotta hand it to the republicans. The demos make you feel darn guilty you're an american, like it really is all your fault. Such thinking is really a simplistic view of the world and politics. The GOP makes you feel proud to be an american, which can feel good. But like the Demos, another childlike and simplistic view of world and politics. Neither side is right.

The truth as always is somewhere in the middle, and neither side owns it. Yes, America does bad things, but so do a ton of other countries, and I don't doubt that if other countries were in our position, they would be acting probably the same way. History is replete with non-American countries trying to take over the world. The Brits tried it, the Spanish tried to, the russians, any country that was dominant in their time tried to spread their influence. It's not just an american trait, it's a human trait. And surprise, surprise, Americans are human just like everyone else.

Since the GOP convention is going to be on TV this week, a friend of mine pointed out some personal good news to me. "At least the red-haired marina frat boy is a registered democrat ... it's about time you dated someone from your own political party...wink, wink, nudge, nudge."

I don't know, but this comment makes me chuckle.

My life is full of virgos. I was raised by two of them, and somehow I've fallen in love with three of them in the last five years.

Today is Grandma's birthday, so Happy Birthday to Grandma up in heaven!

It's either today or tomorrow (can never remember which), but here's wishing my former best friend/love of my life, a 5th generation West Texan whose family helped settle the panhandle, a big ole' Happy Birthday!

So I guess if I was really serious about my writing, my schedule would look the one I have planned for this week while I try to finish my screenplay.

0.5 – 1 hr eating – 6-7 pm
2 hours writing screenplay 7-9ish - by 9 pm republican convention is over
1 hour workout - 9 – 10 pm
1 hour meditation – 10-11 pm
1 hour misc – 11-12 midnight

Does like my schedule look bleak or what?

My schedule is usually this:
5:30 - 7 pm - write/snack
7-9:30 workout
9:30 - 10 pm - eat a late dinner
10-11 pm - 1 hour meditation
11-12 midnight - misc

I'm not sure my regular schedule is that much better.

So I'm back to tracking my calorie count on an excel spreadsheet. I'm amazed at how much I actually eat. I'm such a snacker. I could probably graze all day on food like a cow, and eat full meals as well and be pretty happy. But then my clothes won't fit and that would upset me.

I started on Saturday, and I can already see a difference when I try on my jeans. I kept thinking I was at the point where I could eat whatever I wanted and my weight would stay stable. Boy, was I ever wrong! I'm going to have to watch my calorie intake for a long time, until I guess I just get used to eating less, if that day ever arrives.

Updated the books I'm reading at the left, and some of the information. Just finished reading "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Other Tales of Terror" by Robert Louis Stevenson." Stevenson is an interesting writer, and I want to read all his books. I kind of remember reading "Treasure Island" and "Kidnapped" as a kid, but it's all very fuzzy so I borrowed them from the library and plan to reread them.

Stevenson wrote this one short story called "Olalla", and there some amazing lines about love at first sight in it.

"My foot was on the topmost round, when a door opened, and I found myself face to face with Olalla. Surprise transfixed me; her loveliness struck to my heart; she glowed in the deep shadow of the gallery; a gem of a colour; her eyes took hold upon mine and clung there, and bound us together like the joining of hands; and the moments we thus stood face to face, drinking each other in, were sacramental and the wedding of souls. ... The thrill of her young life, strung like a wild animal's, had entered into me; the force of soul that had looked out from her eyes and conquered mine, mantled about my heart and sprang to my lips in singing. She passed through my veins: she was one with me. ... I could not doubt but that I loved her at first sight, and already with a quivering ardour that was strange to my experience."

I especially like the phrase "...drinking each other in, were sacramental and the wedding of souls". It made me think about that fateful flight when I met red-haired guy ... was our meeting sacramental, and did we drink each other in and had a wedding of souls? Red-haired guy said our first meeting and conversation was like "soul-mates". I actually remember seeing him in line, while I was waiting at the gate at Southwest. He got my attention because of his red-hair. He doesn't remember seeing me until he was about five rows from my seat, and he said to himself "I'm going to sit next to that cute girl, and I hope she has personality."

I also picked up the book "Story" by Robert McKee, the screenwriting guru in the movie "Adaptation". He has a seminar in LA in December that I'm thinking of going to, just to see what he's like.

I read through McKee's book, and then got really, really depressed. Screenwriting is such hard work for me, and there's just so much work involved than I have the energy to put into right now. I just don't think I see stories visually. David Mamet said the same thing too, when he talked about translating his stage plays to screen. You have to be able to come out with a visual way to telling the story, instead of having the actors speak on stage.

At this point I just want to finish my baseball screenplay, send it off to that screnwriting teacher in LA to get an opinion, rewrite it based on his feedback, and then register the screenplay with Writer's Guild, and then finally submit it to this website for consideration, maybe send it off to a couple of agents in LA, and then be done with forever! And go back to working on my unfinished, count them, three novels.

I kind of feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall with the screenwriting thing. It's just not an easy style for me to write in. The only reason I'm writing the baseball story as a screenplay was because it made sense as a movie, rather than as a short story or a novel. It just intuitively felt like it was a visual story. If I could turn it into a novel, believe I would because screenplay writing is just no fun.

I will write one more screenplay, my endless love reincarnation comedy, because that's another story that only can only be told as a movie and not as a short story or novel, but that's it, no more screenplays. And no adaptations either of my novels either, let somebody else slave over that work.

I want to watch the GOP convention this week, and to write a screenplay I have to write at my computer at home, so I'll have the tv on in the background and I'll be writing away. Red-haired guy is on the road at some other trade show, so he won't be a distraction, and then he's going to see dad and brother out of state on Labor Day weekend, so I have all week and weekend to finish the screenplay.

I missed my red-haired guy, but at the same time I do have the freedom to work on my writing if he's not around. I mean, either way with him would be hard. If he was here and worked close by, I think I'd resent the amount of time I'd have to spend with him and how much it would take away from my writing. But he's not here and works in LA and travels for business a ton, and I resent how limited time we have to spend together. I can't win either way.

Red-haired guy's birthday is coming up, and I'm going to tell him how much I love him on his birthday. It's such a corny present I know, but I don't know, it feels like the right thing to do. He's already told he loves me and I haven't ever returned the favour, although I did say it a couple of times when I've left him voicemails.

And I do love him, because somehow in the last couple of weeks I felt my heart opening up physically and red-haired guy just kind of stepped in and now he'll be permanently lodged. Love is such a gift from god, and red-haired guy is definitely my gift. He came so unexpectantly, when I was really, really depressed at my wit's end in July, and I really didn't care about meeting another guy and was pretty much resigning myself to being single and alone. I don't know whether we have a future or not, but for the short time I've known him he's totally made me happy, plus he's already fulfilled some long held fantasies of mine. Gotta give the guy credit for that.

He's just so refreshingly honest, says whatever is on his mind, doesn't try to pull the Mr. Mysterious John Wayne thing, wears his heart on his sleeve, is so affectionate, doesn't hold back, and is just plain fun and exciting to be with. I never met a guy like him before, I didn't know guys like him existed, never knew what a joy and open person can be in one's life. He just totally opened himself up to me, and it's been impossible for me not to fall for him.

But just because I love him, doesn't mean we have a future. It takes more than love unfortunately to make a relationship work. And I want "bashert", my perfect fit, my perfect puzzle piece, and I won't settle for anything less. Red-haired guy may not be my perfect fit, but he'll always have a piece and place in my heart for the rest of his life. Now that's a nice birthday present isn't it? to know that someone out there totally loves and adores you for the rest of your life?