So maybe this is what you do when you're a wannabe writer. It's a Saturday night, and you're in bed polishing your half finished stage play that you wrote years ago but could just never seem to finish, and you're saying to yourself, this dialogue is really, really bad.

The Zatoichi movie over so I can go back to writing my blog. I started on Chapter 12 today and I wrote about 1,300 words. Then I went to library and I borrowed two more John Grisham books and another Michael Crichton book, that I think was made into a movie I saw.

I'm going have to figure out what to tell my friend about her screenplay. I really need to read more screenplays, so I can tell what's good and what's not good. Her characters are so stereotypical and there's no, how do you "oomph" to her story. It's not that her story isn't good, it is, the story is just a little trite and it's really not that original although she does have a good angle. It's not a Hollywood movie, but more of a movie like you'd see on the Lifetime channel.

Still I envy her because I know she worked hard on her screenplay, and I'm jealous that she completed another one. And you know I would love to write a movie for the Lifetime channel. I'm going to try to more tonight.

I just found out my screenwriting software can be used to write stage plays. I didn't know this, and I have a play that's been sitting around that needs finishing. I just thought of a new way to write it as I walking back home today too. There's so much to write and there's never enough time.

I got kind of depressed on Wednesday, well more than a little depressed, and depression definitely sucks away my creative energy. But even though I woke up depressed again this morning, I made myself get up and out of the house to write. And once I was sitting at Starfbombs drinking my venti latte, I was fine.

I guess I need to stop calling the place Starfbombs since I write there a lot. I even took my new laptop with me and was typing away. I'm definitely loving my new laptop, and I'm glad I'm using it alot.

I went to Starfbombs to read a friend's screenplay and write. My friend told me it was a Bridget Jones type screenplay, but it really wasn't. The writer of Bridget Jones wrote Bridget tongue in cheek, and it was always a take off on "Pride and Prejudice". Bridget was always supposed to end up with Mr. Darcy, despite her quirkiness and her fat. My friend got the fatness and quirkiness of Bridget right, but the story ended up being more of a stereotypical feminist rant about leaving a marriage where you're not treated right and claiming your singlehood, which Bridget Jones was never about. The character resembles more the "Nurse Betty" or Geena Davis' character and marriage in "Thelma and Louise".

I don't know, I just couldn't relate to the woman. But then again I have a hard time relating to female characters who don't have fun in the sack, because thank god bad and depressing sex has never been something I've experienced in a long term relationship. But that's just me I think. Sex has always been fun for me and if it wasn't, I wouldn't be in the relationship in the first place. But I know my attitude towards sex is a little different than the average girl's.

I'm trying to watch "Zatoichi 8", and it's hard to write to wach a movie that's subutitled and write at the same time. So more later.

I learned this new kind of therapy technique over the weekend, and it's bringing up all kind of stuff. You know, one would think that if you've been in and out of therapy since you were 21 years of age (and yes I've been in therapy that long) you would have solved alot of the big emotional issues in your life. Apparently this is not the case.

I have stuff coming up now about my parents that I had no idea was in my subconscious programming and this stuff is huge!!! This stuff has been lodged in my brain since I was six years old. You would think after having spent thousand and thousands of dollars on therapy and growth and development courses that this stuff would have come up. I mean, it's like so major and it explains patterns that I've noticed in my life since 1998. I hate that it's taken what, seven plus years for me to figure it out. That is like so slow!

I just made one connection last night, and then everything else fell in place. I'm like what else is in that black hole of my subconscious that is ruling my life. I feel like I'm in the matrix and I've created this messed up world, and I want to start over and recreate everything. But first, I have to keep digging through my subconsious programming. I'm afraid to know what else has been there.

Here's a new technique that I received in a newsletter today about money. Get a money bill in a large denomination and hold it and see what comes up in your mind about having it and whatever else you have going on about money. Or, hold your paycheck and see what issues you have about your career. Or, write a huge, huge check to yourself and see what comes up about money and worthiness.

The mind is a wild thing, and it's amazing what kind of interesting ideas are knocking around in there, that support and don't support you.

So I made the mistake of reading a John Grisham book "The Summons" that someone had given to me, and now I'm hooked on reading all of his stuff. Grisham's books are great bus-reads. You can go through a book in 2-3 days, and they are fast reads and very entertaining. I read the "The Firm" a long time ago but wasn't that intrigued by Grisham, but I guess I'm hooked now. That same friend also gave me Grisham's book "The Testament", so I'm plowing my way through it.

It's got some sad but hilarious sections on how people think about money. I know you're not supposed to say this as as writer, but I would love to write books like Grisham. I know as a writer you're supposed to want to write the next great american novel and not the next great beach/bus read, but what if you can't? What if my level of writing is on the level of the next great beach/bus read? I don't care, I'm not fussy ... I just want my stories published, and hopefully lots and lots of people will want to read my stuff. I would love to be the kind of writer that makes the reader unable to put novel down until they get to the end. That would be cool!

Up very early again trying to write. Wow, I'm finished with chapter 11 of my Texas novel. Three more chapters and I'll be done. Chapter 12 is a full chapter and chapters 13 and 14 are more lke epilogoues for each character.

Maybe there is something to this getting up at 5 am every morning thing. I'm awake and I can write. I'm tired and it's a little difficult, but that's because I'm not using to getting up at this hour. I'm amazed though how my brain is still quite functional at this early hour.

So it's after 5:30 am and I'm and in bed typing on my laptop and trying to write. I hate this! But the words are coming, which is nice. One thing that I noticed that I thought was impossible. My wireless network is working even though my main computer is powered off. I thought my main computer had to be on for me to pick up any internet connection. I guess not. Wow, this is new. I guess this means I can surf the net without me having to turn on my main computer. This is good.