My third day on Kauai. Yesterday, my aunt and cousins took me to the Hyatt for brunch. I thought it was the Sheraton that had the good brunch, but I was wrong. It's the Hyatt. The brunch they served wasn't as good as when I was there a few years ago. Oh well, it was better than most. There was an omlette chef who made them anyway you wanted them, and a crepe chef as well. This brunch, probably because of all the japanese tourists, had sushi and tempura as well.

One thing I noticed about the brunch here at the Sheraton and at the Hyatt, is that they always have miso soup. You'd be surprised at how many non-asian people eat miso soup with floaty bits of tofu for breakfast.

There are alot couples here and it's interesting to observe their breakfast routine. Some couples just eat an don't say anything. Some couples read the paper. Some couples are very chatty and chat the whole time. The one time M-Square and I went out to breakfast, we were the chatty couple. The longer we stay together, I wonder what kind of breakfast couple we will turn into.

I'm in the lobby of the Sheraton Kauai hotel and blogging on one of their computers. They have four computers set up for people to use in an area, where you can also read the paper. I might not even have to use my laptop to log into my room.

My room is great. I can't see the beach close up, but from the balcony I can see the ocean and it's very quiet. I think the hotel is pretty empty. My flight getting here was very empty as well. People were lying down and taking naps in the seats.

For dinner I had this excellen taro encrusted snapper with a mixture of sweet and regular mashed potatoes. There was also some kind of yummy brown and cream white served on the side to go with it, along with some delicious wilted greens. I love hotels with good food.

I ordered a banana and pineapple tropical smoothie with icecream for dinner, but when it came it tasted too sweet and strawberry. And I was like, whatever. I guess I'm not ordering this type of drink at this hotel. Two of the hotel staff afterwards came up to ask me if I was okay, because I guess I was like the only person dining by themselves in the restaurant. But then the waitress came over and told me that she had mistakenly given me a drink called "menehune magic". So I was like drinking some disgustingly sweet cocktail instead of my smoothie. She said I could keep the drink after she brought over my smoothie, but I told her to take it. And thank god, my smoothie was delicious. It tasted like a pina colada without the alcohol.

I'm exhausted. I've been up since 5 am and and it's around 10:45 pm Cali time. I think this vacation will be very relaxing for me. My room is great and the bed is huge, and I just M-Square was with me to share it. Someday.

My aunt and cousins are coming here to meet me for brunch tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to seeing them. Did I mention my cousin is a DA here on the island? She wants to be a judge someday, and will probably end up mayor of the island as well. At least that's what my aunt and uncle want. I think my cousin just wants to be a judge. Although I don't know how she's going to be a judge when she's got a star trek tatoo on her leg.

Aloha! I am blogging from gate 49 at the Aloha Airlines terminal waiting for my flight to take me to Kauai. I saw this internet kiosk charging 15 cents per minute, and I couldn't resist sticking five dollars into the slot just so I could blog from the airport.

It's 81 degress and cloudy. When you're outside the weather is great, but inside of the airport which keeps more and more smelling like a bar to me, they keep it cold. So I am in Hawaii but I have my sweatshirt on because as an island girl, I hate air conditioning! Everyone else is walking around in flower leis, shorts and t-shirts, and all manner of tacky hawaiian wear.

So I left rainy San Francisco about 7 hours ago and I'm still not at my destination. I guess I could have taken an earlier flight, but I wasn't sure how long everything was going to take. Oh well. I had a kahlua pork sandwich at the only decent place to eat inside the interisland termina, which was the bar. There people were knocking back huge tropic drinks. One drink even came with a complimentary back scratcher. The drinks are about a foot tall and chock full of booze.

I was good and had a ginger ale because I have to drive to my hotel. But I guess this resort I'm staying at has a mai-tai free cocktail hour. I told my family I would stop by as soon as I checked in to my hotel, so no sipping cocktails tonight while watching the sun set.

I managed to get some writing done on the plane, but not much. I read my latest New Yorker and listened to the music on iTunes on my laptop. I loved listening to "Scarlet Begonias" while flying hight above the Pacific ocean.

I spoke to M-Square this morning and he told me what he missed the most about Hawaii was the smell of plumerias. They are such fragile blossoms, I don't think they would make it if I sent some to him. I'm going to check with a florist on Kauai just to make sure. I want send him a maile lei, which is a flower lei made out of a sweet smelling vine that is native to Kauai. The last time I was here, a florist told me they were trying to grow some on the Big Island but the smell is different. But M-Square doesn't really remember what a maile lei is. Getting one was such a big deal when I growing up, but then again I did live on the island that it's grown on.

I will write more later. Till then as everyone says here "Aloha and Mahalo".

I had a great session with my screenwriting group. I brought my 7 page script and got great feedback on it. I also brought the screenplay I want to rewrite, and received many insightful comments on how to make that screenplay better.

I'm excited and can't wait to start writing. I'd like to write tonight, but I'm exhausted. I think I need to let the feedback I heard germinate in my brain. I don't want to get burnt out with my writing. That's my modus operandi, to dive in head first and let everything else go and I don't want to do that. When I do that, I get thoughts like "M-Square is a distraction to my writing and I can't have distractions in my life" or "I can't fulfill my writing goal and have a relationship at the same time."

Thoughts like these are bad for me. I've been down that road before, and I became resentful of my writing and stopped creating. I have to have moderation in my life, otherwise I become miserable. It's that compulsive personality of mine peaking through.

The "Or" world is a lonely world. The "And" world is much better. I can be a writer AND I can have a relationship with a man I love.

M-Square is so great! He totally trusts me and told me things about his life this week that he said he's never told anyone before. When he does this, I feel so loved by him. He also let me know early something that was going on his life this week, so I wouldn't worrry. This was a first for him, to tell me he was stressed out at work instead of him just shutting down and not telling me anything. We are definitely making progress! We are birthing a relationship that works for both of us. It is hard work, but at least we are making progress.

I am grateful for having him in my life right now. He rolls with my insecurities and foibles, and although I know it's not easy for him, he hangs in there with me. And I try to do the same for him. I am grateful that I haven't scared him off yet. Because god only knows, I am not the easiest person to be in a relationship with. It's been my pet theory for a long time that the person I end up with with in a long term relationship, is going to be a person that puts up with me and still finds it in his heart to love and appreciate the person I am.

It will 7 months for M-Square and I this month that we've been together. And yes I know we have a long-distance relationship and it's a little odd, but a really good friend of mine who has been happily married for several years started her relationship with her husband in exactly the same way. And today, they are the proud parents of adopted twin boys.

I don't know. As much as I want "normalcy" in my life, my life has been anything but normal. That has been my life, and I know I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for my "strange life". And I really like who I am, what I've accomplished in my life so far, where I am with my writing, where I am with my spirituality. So I'm like thinking why jinx it by wanting something different? It's been great so far.

Is this like a backwards thought or what? Somehow it sounds so untransformational and so strange coming from someone like me who has been pursuing self transformation since I was 13 years old. Maybe I am growing up a little. Maybe I am finally trying to accept who I am and trying to become comfortable in my own skin.

My first love Michael was right when he told me of this old french saying which goes something like "the more things change, the more they stay the same." I hate to think I haven't changed, but maybe I haven't. Maybe all I've done in my self-transformational journey is peel off all the layers of myself that I didn't like, that didn't fit, so I could reveal my true self. I like this explanation. Why should I spin a story about myself that's just going to send me the lowest depths of depression? Why shouldn't I spin a story about myself that makes me feel good? Why hit a strike when I can hit a run out of the ballpark? Life is all about how you spin it, isn't it? It's all about the spin.

Maybe this will be a good writing for year. As I was washing dishes earlier, I realized that I had fun tonight writing. I haven't had fun with my writing in a very long time. It's been such a chore these last couple of years, and my input has greatly suffered because of it.

I love that I left the world for about 3 hours. I didn't know that much time had passed till I looked up and noticed how dark it was outside and looked at my watch. I love when I disappear like that. It doesn't happen very often for me when I write, but when I do it's just an amazing feeling.

It's like I truly entered the world of my writing, and you know, it was an incredible trip! I hope it continues because I know I have so much damned hard work ahead of me to my writing to be very good. And if I'm having fun then maybe it won't feel so much like work and I'll write more. That's a thought huh?