Downloaded some new iTunes songs this morning. Listening to "The Diary of Jane" by Breaking Benjamin.

Chicago was fun, although the fun and glamor of travelling for work is definitely gone. I don't know how people do it because it really is very tiring, but it does have its perks. On Tuesday July 18, I went to the hotel gym and worked out for 30 minutes then sat in the jaccuzzi for 1/2 an hour.

Now listening to "The Kill" by 30 seconds to Mars

In morning, I went to the front desk to get a cab to take me to the conference at the Swissotel in downtown Chicago, and instead I get a car and a driver. Talking about living the high life. My driver was nice and gave me his mobile number in case I wanted to have dinner later that night. I thought that it was pretty funny that my driver guy was hitting on me.

I wasn't sure how people were going to dressed for this conference and was going to go very business casual, but at the last minute I decided to pack a couple of normal work outfits for me which is a silk skirt, shirt and sweater. Sure enough, I get to the conference and most of the guys are in suits and so are the women. I felt appropriately dressed and was glad.

There was a cocktail party after the first day and I indulged myself and had a couple of glasses of wine, and then the three women I ended up talking to invited me out for dinner and we took a cab to Navy Pier to have dinner and to see the fireworks show.

Navy Pier is right in downtown Chicago and was only built in the last five years. It's kind of like SF's Pier 39 but much more fun because they are more things to do. They had this huge ferris wheel which we all went on. For $5 you get on and go around once. The ferris wheel never stops so you have get and get off fairly quickly. It offers some amazing views of downtown Chicago which was very cool at night.

Now listening to "Beautiful Soul" by Jesse McCartney

From Navy Pier, you can take boat cruises. If I ever go back to Chicago again, I'd like to take an architectural boat tour of Chicago. It's weird because it looks like Chicago is on an ocean coast but it's on the shores of Lake Michigan. I never quite noticed that about Chicago before.

We at some restaurant called "Riva's" and then saw fireworks but it started to sprinkle so we cabbed back to the Swissotel. Those sprinkles were a bad sign but I didn't know it yet.

Thursday morning I'm watching the morning Chicago local news and it's storming and causing quite a traffic mess. The conference ended and I'm at O'Hare at 5:30 pm and the place is a zoo and a half. The thunderstorms closed down O'Hare for most of the day. Some girl told me they had only allowed three flights all day. My 8 pm flight back to SF was delayed and if I was thinking right, I should have realized that since the two fights in front of mine were delayed that my flight would be delayed as well, and that I should have tried to go standby on one of the earlier flights.

But I wasn't thinking and the monitor up until 7:30 pm said our flight was on time. What a joke! My flight didnt' take off from Chicago till 11:30 pm and we touched down in San Francisco at a little after 2 am.

Now listening to "Leave the Pieces" by The Wreckers. It's a country song and I only purchased it because I was perusing the iTunes top 100 list and playing every song and I liked this one instantly.

I had already decided to take a cab from the airport to home because my original flight was arriving at 10:30 pm and I didn't want to be stuck in Super Shuttle hell getting home. So at 3 am I was in bed and wondering what time should I get to work in the morning because it wasn't going to be early. I made it into the office by 11 am, and only went in because I had some analysis due that afternoon. Otherwise I think I would have just stayed home.

I was telling someone about my flight back from Chicago and they told me that if I arrived in SF at 2 am, with the time change, it whould have 4 am in Chicago, so I was basically up for almost 24 hours as I had gotten up at 5:30 earlier that morning.

So that was Chi-Town Trip. I was still in recovery all this week and my suitcase is still out waiting to be put away. I'm thinking it must get easier if you travel all the time because then you get into a routine. Travelling by plane somewhere almost feels like commuting if it weren't for the time change I think. I never used to think way and it's only lately that I've equated plane flights with commuting and thinking it's really not bad, except for waiting to get on a plane at the airport of course.

I am blogging from the Windy City - Chicago. I'm staying at a hotel right outside the airport and I can see the Chicago skyline from my hotel window. I was trying to stay in a hotel in downtown Chicago where my conference is being held, but every hotel in the downtwon area was booked.

I am exhausted as I am not a very good traveller. My work Outlook is taking forever to send and receive messages and I am hungry. I don't know why because it's only close to 5 pm in Cali ut it's almost 7 pm here.

I will blog more later ...

I went to lunch with a co-worker I've known for about 10 years. We worked together from 1997-1999, and she just started at the company I worked for a few months ago. We were both remembering how we loved our boss John. We liked him and he liked us, and how rare it's been for both of us since then to have a boss whom we like and likes us.

I hope I get one of these two jobs that are in front of me. The two people I want jobs with like me and I like them. It's not that I don't like my boss now, I just don't like her in the same way I do these two people. There's an empathy missing with my current boss that I have with the other two people. I think it's that I like my boss as a work boss but I'm neutral about her as a person, whereas the two people who are offering me jobs I like both as bosses and as people. It's so hard to explain because it's so intangible.

I know for sure that the new person my boss is reporting to does not get me at all, which so bothers me. I think it's such a post 9/11 feeling for me, but it so doesn't make sense to work for people who don't get you and whom you don't like in and outside of work. Life is way too short for that kind of B.S.

My coworker thinks it is very rare for an employee to really like their boss, and that we were so lucky when we met in 1997 because we both had a boss we respected and liked and who respected and liked us. If only John didn't get sick, I would probably still be working for him. But he did get sick, and I just recently found out he died about three years ago. I knew he had a very decidedly uncertain future, and I guess I was right. It's such a shame because John was so smart and so nice, and the perfect boss in a ton of ways.

I may have posted about this before, but in going thru my writing notes I ran across an idea I had for christian writer's class.

Class Title: Riffing on the Bible: Adventures in Christian Storytelling

Using well-known biblical verses and/or texts of the discples' interaction with Jesus as a jumping off point, participants will explore the art of storytelling by telling stories of their own or a character's faith journey.

I even wrote biblical verses to use:
Matthew 4: 18-22 - Jesus invites his disciples to join him saying they will be a fisher of people
This story could be about when you were called to follow Jesus, when you had an evangelizing moment, when your faith inspired someone to christian action, etc.

Matthew 14: 25-34 - Jesus walking on the sea, "Take heart, it is I, do not be afraid."
This story could be about witnessing miracles or when there was a miracle in your life, or when Jesus came to you and pulled you out of a dark situation.

Matthew 26 - Peter's Denial of Jesus
Maybe these are stories about the ways you deny Jesus in your ife, the way you deny your faith, your humanity, your higher self.

Luke 9: 18-20 - Jesus asks his discples who am I and Peter says you are the "messiah of God."
These could be stories of recognizing who Jesus is in your life, recognition of your level of faith.

John 20-21 - the story of Doubting Thomas (the biblical character I relate to the most next to Father Abraham when he is about to sacrifice his son
These could stories about what else, doubt, I'm sure people could write volumes about their doubts about faith and Jesus

Acts 9 - Paul's conversion on the road to Damascus
These stories could be about conversion, faith and doubt.

So like out of left field, the only woman I get along with in my whole group asks me if I wanted to work for her. She's been assigned the creation of this huge writing project and says there is no way she can do it herself. She's going to ask for headcount and she immediately thought of me. She wanted to ask me first so she mentioned it to her boss, so very late on Friday she asked me.

It would be so cool if I could work for her. She and I get along really hell. She's been meditating for years and years like I have, and we think very similarly about a lot of things at work. I already sit in a cube next to her, so I w0uldn't be disrupted by moving. I think politically taking a job with her will be less freaky than taking a job with the guy I spoke to on June 23.

That guy would be great to work for as he is so smart and we also really get along, but he won't be hiring till September. If y cube mate gets headcount, I would probably be able to start as soon as the job is open.

So please pray for me that my cube mate gets headcount and I can transfer my job. I want to hedge my bets and apply for two jobs I found on Friday, because whether my cubemate gets the position or not, I will definitely leave my job one way or another. I don't like the new person my boss and I are now reporting to.

I don't know. Life since 9/11 is way too short for me to be in a job with someone I don't like and whom I definitely know doesn't like me. I stayed in my last job because the economy was bad after the dotcom crash. It wasn't the best job but at least I was liked.

This job hasn't been a good fit, and I knew it three months after I took the job. But then I was distracted by the red-haired guy and then by M-Square, and then when I met my new friend S I thought it was well worth it because she has become such a close friend. She's a writer as well and wants to collaborate with me on writing projects. I think she's also much more visual than I am and would probably be an ideal person to adapt my novels into screenplays. She even wants to do it, which is so cool.

I know most novelists want to adapt their novels into screenplays, but I'm not one of them. If I wanted to write the story as a screenplay I would do it. I know how to write screenplays. If I'm writing the story as a novel, it's because it's coming to me as a novel and not as a screenplay. And at that point, I want someone else to adapt my story for the screen.

Anyway, my new friend S and I are going to try and write every Thursday for a couple of hours together. We both need the inspiration and discipline of writing with a partner, and we both think we would make good writing partners for each other. I hope so.

I knew I had to stay in my job for a reason, and I think all of those reasons are now gone. I would love to stay in my job ony if I could transfer my job and work for my cubemate. If I can't then I don't think I should even take the job with that guy I spoke to a couple of weeks ago. I don't know. I feel like it's time to move on to another company. I get bad feelings about my company. We lost some market share this year and even though we won a big contract this year, strategically we are really floundering. Our competitors are so aggressive and we are so conservative. Our competitors are coming up with innovative products and bringing them to market quicker than we can.

My division hired a consultant to regorg our division, and when I met him I wasn't very impressed. The leadership in my company seem to be so lacking in vision and direction that everyone is basically running around like chickens with their heads cut off. It's too bad because my company is a good company, they have a great mission and all, but they are just floundering and I think everyone knows it but no one knows what to do about it.

They're also doing this weird thing with finances because invoices are taking forever to get paid. Having been in finance, this behaviour is never a good sign. There is no reason for companies not to pay their invoices on time, unless there is a good reason like they're having problems with cash flow or because they're watching the balance on the books. I just get a bad feeling about the place and I don't think I'm the only one becuase our attrition rate is so high, so high that they are basing VP performances on whatever attrition rate they promised. Can you imagine a VP not getting his bonus because too many left their division? Employees are bailing the ship like rats, and I'm like what are the rats smelling that I can't smell very clearly.

Maybe going back to writing morning pages really does work. I started writing them regularly on June 6, after I got back from the Julia Cameron seminar and about a month later I finished my first novel. I only seem to be able to write them during the week, and not on the weekends. I want to write my morning pages 7 days week, but on weekends I am way too lazy.

My life has been in a fog these last few months. My friend S gave me really good advice on how to restructure my SGVA screenplay, better advice than advice I was getting group from the screenwriting group I paid $600 to be a part of. And I thought for sure I had written it down, but I didn't. I am so upset because the advice she gave me was great and I didn't write it down. I hope she remembers what she said because I'm going to ask her if she remembers what she told me. I hope she does because I know I was amazed at what she said because it made such perfect sense.

My friend S wants to us to write screenplays together. She gave me a book to read so we could collaborate on a TV series she wants to pitch based on the stories in the boo.. Neither of us have written for television and I had no interest in writing for TV, but I would be interested in writing a two-hour movie pilot for a series. That I think I could do. I told her if she was interested in writing for TV she would have move to LA, because you need to be in LA to write for TV. She said she was willing. I think for the kind of tv series we are writing, you would have to write the weekly tv scripts in advance because of the production involved, so maybe she wouldn't have to move to LA. We'll see. These stories will make for a good two-hour pilot to a weekly series, but the real work would be creating new plots on which to base the series.

That Ivory Madison we heard last week told us that she writing a comic for DC comics. I'm like, how do you get a job writing a comic strip for DC comics? I never even thought of going in that direction, but it would still fall under writing. Granted the comic strip doesn't lend itself to long prose, you would still have to know how to plot pretty darn well to make a story work in a comic book.

Maybe going back to writing morning pages really does work. I started writing them regularly on June 6, after I got back from the Julia Cameron seminar and about a month later I finished my first novel. I only seem to be able to write them during the week, and not on the weekends. I want to write my morning pages 7 days week, but on weekends I am way too lazy.

My life has been in a fog these last few months. My friend S gave me really good advice on how to restructure my SGVA screenplay, better advice than advice I was getting group from the screenwriting group I paid $600 to be a part of. And I thought for sure I had written it down, but I didn't. I am so upset because the advice she gave me was great and I didn't write it down. I hope she remembers what she said because I'm going to ask her if she remembers what she told me. I hope she does because I know I was amazed at what she said because it made such perfect sense.

My friend S wants to us to write screenplays together. She gave me a book to read so we could collaborate on a TV series she wants to pitch based on the stories in the boo.. Neither of us have written for television and I had no interest in writing for TV, but I would be interested in writing a two-hour movie pilot for a series. That I think I could do. I told her if she was interested in writing for TV she would have move to LA, because you need to be in LA to write for TV. She said she was willing. I think for the kind of tv series we are writing, you would have to write the weekly tv scripts in advance because of the production involved, so maybe she wouldn't have to move to LA. We'll see. These stories will make for a good two-hour pilot to a weekly series, but the real work would be creating new plots on which to base the series.

That Ivory Madison we heard last week told us that she writing a comic for DC comics. I'm like, how do you get a job writing a comic strip for DC comics? I never even thought of going in that direction, but it would still fall under writing. Granted the comic strip doesn't lend itself to long prose, you would still have to know how to plot pretty darn well to make a story work in a comic book.

Yeah me! I finished my first novel, finally. "Texas is a state of mind", the novel I started in November 2003 with Nanowrimo is complete. So what, that's like 2 years and 8 months to finish a novel of 77,740 words or 138 pages single spaced. Talk about slow production.

I went to a seminar last Monday called "Stop Dreaming and Start Writing" at The Learning Annex given by Ivory Madison, creator of The Red Room, and Ivory said that a typical first novel is 75,000 words. I guess my novel is typical then. Her contention was that a person could write 1,000 words in one hour and that if you had that kind of production, you could finsih a novel in 75 hours. That's kind of like two weeks of work or 8 hours a day for two weeks.

If I had written one hour a week for 75 weeks, my novel should have taken me 18 months to write. Instead it took me 30 days to write 50,000 words and 31 months to write about 28,000 words. And this is just my lousy first draft!

There is seriously something wrong with my motivation to be a writer. Writing the first draft is supposed to be easy part. It's the editing that is going to be the hardest.

So I'm doing the math in my head and if I had written one hour a day, say five days per week and my word count was about 5,000 words, I would be able to finish a 75,000 word novel in about four months.

I've always wondered how people can take the time to get so many degrees. Now I know. The time just goes and you might as well do something useful with it like get another degree or my case, write my novels. And I only need to dedicate maybe 5-7 hours a week to write 5,000 words a week. It doesn't matter if I do it in 5 days with 1,000 words a day, or a I have a marathon writing session on the weekend, as long as I stick to the 5,000 words a week production rate, I should be able to finish my novels quicker.

Well, at least I have a fnished novel under my belt. Now there are the other two novels to finish that I started, "The Crow Priestess" and "Changing Timelines". I haven't forgotten about my first novel attempt "Following in the Dark", but I decided that I was going to write that novel for my own pleasure and never let anyone else read it. The Texas novel is the third novel I started.

""Following in the Dark" was the first, started in 2001. "The Crow Priestess" was started in 2002. "Texas is a State ofMind" was started in 2003, and "Changing Timelines" was started in 2004. I did some writing in 2005 when I started working on my second screenplay, "Silicon Valley Gold Diggers Anonymous." I never finished it, but at least I outlined a fairly decent plot from beginning to end for the story.

This is what happens when you watch reruns of MTV's "The Hills" ... you fall in love with songs from the show. Like this one - "Unbelievable" by Kaci Brown.

I Wish you didnt love me I wish youd make this easy It was love that caught me Now it's fear that keeps me with you I want to be by your side So I can close my eyes To the growing emptiness inside that kills me When I'm with you You try to break me Try to hate me So you can fall out of love You want to make me believe that I'm crazy That I'm nothing with out you

It's unbelievable but I believed you Unforgivable but I forgave you Insane what love can do That keeps me coming back to you You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you Now I'm standing on my own Alone

I feel you in my shadow My heart feels cold and hollow No matter where I run I see Your eyes always follow me You try to hold me Try to own me Keeping something that's not yours You want to make me Believe that I'm crazy Make me think that you're the cure

It's unbelievable but I believed you Unforgivable but I forgave you Insane what love can do That keeps me coming back to you You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you Now I'm standing on my own Alone

You're still haunting me In my sleep You're all I see But I can't go back Cause I know it's wrong For us to go on And I'm growing strong To confront my fears

It's unbelievable but I believed you Unforgivable but I forgave you Insane what love can do That keeps me coming back to you You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you Now I'm standing on my own Alone

I am having a glorious four day weekend. We didn't get today off, but we got Tuesday off, so I'm like that doesn't make sense to come in to work on Monday and then take Tuesday off. So I decided to take Monday off and here I am watching reruns of "The Hills".

I got so much done on Saturday and Sunday. I got the oil changed in my car, which was kind of disturbing because I just had my oil changed in December and the oil change place said I didn't have any oil on my stick. What was that about? I think what happened is that when my dealer ran my air conditioning to dry out my car from the flooding, for a day they burnt thr0ugh all my oil, but I didn't realize it because it didn't register on my car as mileage. Thank god I'm on this plan to change my oil every six months regardless of the mileage on my car. It's just better for my car I think. But then the person at the oil change place said I could come in three months from now to get my car topped off with fluids, so I felt better but I think I'm going to have to check the oil in my car every month because it's so not good for my car to run out of oil like that. It scares me because I wonder how much I damaged my engine by not having oil in the engine like that.

I can't believe my car eats so much oil because it's only five years old, but the oil change person said that VWs burn through a ton of oil. I just googled about VW Golf oil consumption and it's a problem with all VW cars. Most webpages I've read said it's normal for a VW to burn through a quart of oil every 1000 miles. Damn! That's a ton.

I love my little german car to death, but I'm like I am getting a japanese car the next time. I was going to get a BMW, Saab or a volvo but I don't know about these european cars. You get a heck of a luxurious ride but they are so high maintenance. My friend says her BMW has given her nothing but problems.

What else? I did laundry and some handwashing and then I went grocery shopping and went to the vitamin store for some stuff. I think I got more accomplished this weekend than I normally do.

I think I know why I've become such a freak at my current job. Most of the people here don't have anything else in their life other than this job. This job is their life and some of them went to school and put themselves into debt because they are passionate about healthcare.

I could care less about healthcare. I stumbled into it and I stay in it because I can make a decent income in a job that is relatively stress free work wise and easy for me. Yes, I'm a good at my job and have become something of a subject matter expert in the two years I've been here, I mean some people think I'm a nurse which is such a laugh for me, but it's not my life and it's just a way for me to make money. I have a pretty good work ethic, so of course I try to do well at my job, but healthcare isn't my life, isn't my "mission".

I want to write novels and screenplays for a living. I am passionate about writing books that commuters like me want to read, a book that makes transports them to a different world and makes them forget for a few minutes the horrible job that they are in. I love books that make me forget about my commute, forget where I am so much that I miss my stop. Books that make me forget the freaks on Muni I come into contact with every day are rare, but when I find them it's a joy. I never want the story to end, and when it does end I am bummed out, so bummed out that I end up reading all the books that the author has written just to recapture that feeling again.

I love movies that do the same thing to me, movie make me forget my horrible life for a couple of hours.

I admire people who are passionate about healthcare, or at the very least can pretend very well to be passionate about their job. A friend of mine says people who are that enthused about their job are just faking it, and that every0ne is feeling the same way I do only they're better at hiding it than I am. I wonder about that. I think if you go out and get hourself a masters in healthcare, that must mean you are passionate and want to work in the field.

I wish I could afford to work in a bookstore or some other dead-end job, anywhere but here in healthcare where I am a freak and not a happy freak at that.

What else am I doing these days besides kvetching about my job. I am currently undergoing some aryuvedic treatment from a friend of mine who is studying to be a practitioner, and needed 10 volunteers to practice on.

She told me I was 48% kapha, 28% vata and 24% pitta. I am what they call a tri-dosha. I am on this new diet because she diagnosed me with a vata and kapha imbalance. I cannot eat cold foods, which is weird because this means no salads or cold sandwiches. This makes lunch very difficult for me since I usually eat a salad or a sandwich for lunch. I also am supposed to give sticky rice, but I can eat barley and basmati rice. I made barley rice last week and was surprised how much it tasted like regular rice. It's just hard to find barley rice at restaurant in downtown San Francisco.

For grains, I can also eat amaranth, brown rice, buckwheat, quinoa and wild rice. My friend thinks I might have a wheat allergy, which would suck because wheat is in everything. She told me I don't have to avoid it completely because I think that would be impossible. I knew someone who had a severe wheat allergy, and she basically couldn't eat out at a restaurant without freaking out because there wasn't anything there for her to eat. At Trader Joes I found two wheat free breads, spelt and kamut. Kamut is very dense, but spelt is not too bad. I'm not really supposed to eat oatmeal, but my friend said I could eat hot oatmeal for breakfast because it was better than eating cold cereal or the Balance bars I've been having for breakfast these past four years. I'm supposed to avoid corn flour as well, which bums out because this means no corn or flour tortillas!

The other food I'm supposed to be concentrating on is veggies. I cannot eat raw veggies. They have to be cooked. I can eat artichokes, beets, carrots, cauliflower, fresh corn, green beans, leeks, mustard greens, potatoes and tomatoes. I have to avoid my favourite veggie which is eggplant, which is okay because I haven't been in an eggplant eating mood for awhile. But no asparagus, sweet potatos or yams. I really like yams.

My friend says once my body gets back in balance I will be able to eat whatever I want, but until then I have to try to follow the new diet as best I can. I'm hoping the aryuvedic treatment will lead to some weight loss. My friend's first client lost 70 pounds, but she was very strict about her new eating rules. I am finding it hard to eat hot meals at lunch. I am so craving salads right now. But I know I have to change my eating habits. I feel so fat and all my clothes are tight, and I don't want to buy new clothes again.

But it's so hard to be healthy when I feel stressed out, and being in a job I don't like is a big stressor in my life right now. I am so whiny and unhappy these days.

What else am I doing these days besides kvetching about my job. I am currently undergoing some aryuvedic treatment from a friend of mine who is studying to be a practitioner, and needed 10 volunteers to practice on.

She told me I was 48% kapha, 28% vata and 24% pitta. I am what they call a tri-dosha. I am on this new diet because she diagnosed me with a vata and kapha imbalance. I cannot eat cold foods, which is weird because this means no salads or cold sandwiches. This makes lunch very difficult for me since I usually eat a salad or a sandwich for lunch. I also am supposed to give sticky rice, but I can eat barley and basmati rice. I made barley rice last week and was surprised how much it tasted like regular rice. It's just hard to find barley rice at restaurant in downtown San Francisco.

For grains, I can also eat amaranth, brown rice, buckwheat, quinoa and wild rice. My friend thinks I might have a wheat allergy, which would suck because wheat is in everything. She told me I don't have to avoid it completely because I think that would be impossible. I knew someone who had a severe wheat allergy, and she basically couldn't eat out at a restaurant without freaking out because there wasn't anything there for her to eat. At Trader Joes I found two wheat free breads, spelt and kamut. Kamut is very dense, but spelt is not too bad. I'm not really supposed to eat oatmeal, but my friend said I could eat hot oatmeal for breakfast because it was better than eating cold cereal or the Balance bars I've been having for breakfast these past four years. I'm supposed to avoid corn flour as well, which bums out because this means no corn or flour tortillas!

The other food I'm supposed to be concentrating on is veggies. I cannot eat raw veggies. They have to be cooked. I can eat artichokes, beets, carrots, cauliflower, fresh corn, green beans, leeks, mustard greens, potatoes and tomatoes. I have to avoid my favourite veggie which is eggplant, which is okay because I haven't been in an eggplant eating mood for awhile. But no asparagus, sweet potatos or yams. I really like yams.

My friend says once my body gets back in balance I will be able to eat whatever I want, but until then I have to try to follow the new diet as best I can. I'm hoping the aryuvedic treatment will lead to some weight loss. My friend's first client lost 70 pounds, but she was very strict about her new eating rules. I am finding it hard to eat hot meals at lunch. I am so craving salads right now. But I know I have to change my eating habits. I feel so fat and all my clothes are tight, and I don't want to buy new clothes again.

But it's so hard to be healthy when I feel stressed out, and being in a job I don't like is a big stressor in my life right now. I am so whiny and unhappy these days.

My friend K and I went to the member museum preview of the Matthew Barney exhibit at SFMOMA last week. From the SFMOMA website:

SFMOMA is the only U.S. venue for this full-scale survey, the first to gather together Matthew Barney’s entire DRAWING RESTRAINT series. Spanning almost 20 years, DRAWING RESTRAINT is an ongoing, performance-based project exploring the notion that form emerges through struggle against resistance. A site-specific installation designed by the artist, the exhibition occupies the Museum’s entire fourth floor, which has been reconfigured to eliminate the gallery walls and so encourage a nonlinear experience of the art.

The opening was your typical San Francisco artsy scene. While we were waiting in line outside, there was a couple walking around dressed like some of the images in the Matthew Barney exhibit. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether these people were dressed up especially for the exhibit or whether they were just being themselves because at any given moment in San Francisco someone is always in costume, but at a typical art opening the number of people in costume expands exponentially depending on the magnitude of the event and gravitas of the artist. At the Matthew Barney member opening, it felt like about 40% of the people attending were in costume. I just found it so fascinating that SFMOMA had such a variety of members. Besides the artsy fartsy crowd in costume, the blue-hairs were there as well as people who look like they would never walk into a museum let alot a modern art museum. It always makes what Andy Warhol would have thought about us all had he been standing outside SFMOMA last Wednesday night.

I love Matthew Barney. He does such interesting work with with sculptural material. There pieces of scuplture that looked like foam or a blob of shaving cream, but which are in fact hard to touch. There was a piece that looked like someone had put a huge slab of butter or dough on the floor. It's all so fascinating!

The artist Bjork was in his photos and in his films, and she added the rock star phenomena to his pieces. I love the juxtaposition that he was a football player and wrestler in his youth and is now this avant garde NYC artist. There is something about that combo that is so very strange.

Then there was these weird videos about fawns doing strange things in a limo. I thought they looked like birdies myself, but my friend K said there were men dressed as fawns and doing lewd and weird things in a limo driving through the streets of NYC.

You can read what the SFGate had to say about the Matthew Barney exhibit,
Matthew Barney, In Glory all his own.

I am closing my AT&T dial-up account finally! I have been so ambivalent about keeping it because I had a personal web page with my stories and I was able to store pictures too, but it doesn't make sense for me to pay for a dial-up account and DSL. If only AT&T offered DSL in my neighborhood when I needed it, I would have stuck with them. But they didn't.

I will have to create a personal web page someday on the new AT&T (formerly SBC)/Yahoo. Ah well! Yes, I know my template is outdated and I need to update it more regularly, but well, who has time?

I am currently reading "Gods and Generals" by Jeff Shaara. I loved his father's book, "The Killer Angels" by Michael Shaara, which I recently read about two weeks ago. I am boning up on my War of Northern Aggression history, or as its learned in school, Civil War history. I would like to read all of Jeff Shaara's books, not to mention Shelby Foote's books.

I am posting my hula Barbie picture here, so I can store it on my blog.

I love watching the USA show "Monk". Monk is so funny and I so relate to him because he is so very strange. I know what it's like to be weird but still respected because you're smart.

There was an episode on Monk where he had to infiltrate an office. People in the office started liking him, and it was so poignant because you could tell that this was the first time Monk ever felt accepted by people. Then of course, Monk being Monk, it didn't last and in the end the office people thought he was weird and things were back to normal for him.

I am so having a Monk experience at my job. I heard the secretary who was promoted to an analyst whisper loudly to the summer intern "don't talk so loud, Brenda is here." I am such a freak at my office. I know I shouldn't care because I deliberately don't hang out with the office crowd, but for whatever reason it still hurts. I wish it didn't hurt and I thought I was too old for it to matter, but you know it still hurts and I'm like thinking "JC, why have you abandoned me?"

Okay, I know I am being dramatic but that's what I feel like right now. I know it's all my fault because I don't hang out and I don't gossip, and I'm one of those office workers who keeps to themselves and don't really hang with people in my group, but other than that, I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment. It's not like I snitch on people like the other people in my group, who are the biggest gossips and snitches I've ever come across in any office.

People in my group act like they're still in junior high or high school and it's like some popularity thing at work. I have not come across such clickish behaviour in an office in such a long time. It's like totally alien to me. I wish I could be like the two other women in my office who don't hang out and don't care, and are senior managers. But I'm not a senior manager and I guess some part of me does care.

Honestly, I have never worked in such an immature office before. I'm like, I used to be really well liked in other departments at other companies I've worked for, but not this one. I hear gossip about our group all the time, about how we're so strange. We are a strange group! I thought the new director would change our group dynamic, but I think it's gotten worse.

I have to get out of my job. I spoke to this guy in another division in muy company on Friday about an open position that he has, but the timing for me to move into his group will not be right until September. If I have to work with people, I want to work for someone who recognizes me and likes me and this guy so does. We can talk for hours and hours about healthcare and its problems. He treats me better than anyone in my current department. Sad isn't it?

I don't know why I feel so sorry for myself right now about my working situation, but I do. But you know, it's always like this before I make a change in my life. Before I moved apartment, things got really bad and I started to hate living in my old place. Before I change any job, things get really bad. It's almost as if the universe is pushing me out the door and moving on to my next step in my life. Things get so bad that when I do move, I have no regrets. It's an odd way to move on to your next step in life, but one that is probably necessary for me because I'm the type who tends to get rooted very quickly. It takes alot for me move one and things have to get really bad before I even consider. Once I make up my mind though to move one, then things happen pretty quickly for me whether I'm ready for it or not.

I expect the same thing to happen now. I am so ready for a new job that I know things will start to happen very quickly so I can get out of my current situation. I've been thinking for about a couple of months now that I will not be in my job for the whole month of July.

When I first had this thought, I was so confused! I wasn't actively looking for a job and things weren't so bad. But as the month of June has progressed, my job and my attitude towards it have gotten progressively worse. Things have gotten so bad that I want out of my job at any cost! God, I hope something happens soon! I don't know how much I can take my job anymore. I hate not fitting in and having people talk about me like how our ex-secretary spoke about me today. I'm like what the hell did I do to deserve this?

I think M-Square is sick or something. I haven't spoken to him since we broke up but I can still pick things up from him, and I get that he is really sick. I have no idea what's wrong with him, and part of me wants to call and ask but I know that would not be a good thing.

The man obviously did not want me in his life anymore and for once I'm going to heed my friends' advice and not beg him to take me back. S0 many good things have happened to me since we broke up anyway, things I know wouldn't have happened had we still been together. So I am in the firm belief that it was all for the best that our relationship fizzled out.

This is so creepy! I was reading the headlines on SFGate.com when I see the name Darren Mack refusing to surrender in Mexico, and I'm like I know that name. Around 10 or so years ago, I took a Communications course from a guy named Darren Mack. He was dating someone named Charla, who also worked for the organization giving the course. I even saw Charla one night, and she had this stop you dead in your tracks diamond engagement ring on her finger. Darren said that Charla was the perfect woman for him. He also told the class that he was going through some terrible child custody court case with his first wife and their two kids.

I wasn't sure it was the same guy until I saw his picture, and it was him. How freaky! He was a very intense guy, and we kind of had a little run in on a conference call once. I had to hug him once after a seminar just because everyone was doing it, and I don't know ... it was very awkward ... I gave him a hug anyway but it was so awkward. He kind of creeped me out for whatever reason. No one else I knew was freaked out by him, but I was. I read in another news article that he and Charla left the organization I was taking classes from back in 2002. I stopped taking courses from that place in 1998.

Now Charla is dead, stabbed by Darren and he is being hunted by the police. Wow! You never know what people are capable of, until you read about them in the news or see them on TV wanted for murder.

This quote is from an article in the LA Times that came out on June 14 on A Wok With Jesus: Saving Souls in Chinese Kitchens: Thousands of Chinese kitchen workers live on the margins. A former restaurant owner tends to a subculture most Americans never see.

"Nationwide, more than 1 million immigrants work in 41,350 Chinese restaurants — from mom-and-pop takeouts to mammoth buffet enterprises employing hundreds, according to the Fremont, Calif.-based Chinese Restaurant News.Though many restaurants hire non-Asian workers, Lou's ministry concentrates on the Chinese — the people she knows best.It's a subculture hidden from most Americans. Speaking little or no English, many Chinese immigrants must settle for dispiriting kitchen work — laboring 12 hours a day, seven days a week.Many, here illegally, have no access to labor unions or social service networks. They live in cramped restaurant-owned dormitories or in rented garages without cooking facilities, bathrooms or running water.To cope with their harsh living conditions and mind-numbingly mundane work, many fall prey to gambling, drugs, alcohol and prostitution.Among the worn wooden chopping boards and flashing meat cleavers, hissing deep-fryers and walk-in freezers, the desire for a higher calling is fierce.

"In every kitchen, there's always the same tired old man hiding in the corner near the stove that is his life," Lou said. People in the restaurant business acknowledge a regimen called going "from the pillow to the stove," with no other life. Sadly, it's true," said Betty Xie, editor in chief of the Chinese Restaurant News. "Workers are lonely. They came from far away and don't have family with them. With no English skills, they don't have any choices."They're trapped by the restaurant life. They see no hope."

The phrase I red-fonted just brings tears to my eyes ... I don't know. Somehow I so relate to this image of the old man hiding in the corner. I feel like this in my job right now. My job is not my life, but I am so unhappy at my current job. It hasn't felt like home for these last years, and I keep getting distracted from leaving. It's all been for the best I know. There were lessons I needed to learn, people that I needed to meet, but I had such high hopes for this job that it was going to be a place where I could stay for awhile.

I know I need to give up this hope of ever being at home in job, and that my true job, my true life purpose is to focus on creative writing and not my job business writing of drafting a quality update for a regional medical directors meeting.

I"m listening to New Releases on Yahoo Music, and these are the songs that have caught my ear:

Through Glass by Stone Sour
In the Beginning by The Still
Beautiful by Nick Lachey
Leave the Pieces by The Wreckers
I need you love to love me by Barlowgirl

I was reading this on a chatboard I belong to and I think I fit into this "box".

Newsweek - June 5, 2006 issue

It's a Lohasian moment. The term for these 21st-century New Agers derives from an acronym created by marketers on the West Coast—LOHAS, as in Lifestyles of Health and Sustainability. The movie "The Celestine Prophecy" is opening, based on the 1993 book that may be the most popular alternative-spirituality book of the past few decades. Next comes the film version of Dan Millman's book "Way of the Peaceful Warrior," about a lost young gymnast who is guided through a mystical transformation by a wise mentor. And Al Gore's movie on global warming, "An Inconvenient Truth," is bound to be popular with the ecologically minded Lohasians. LOHAS consumers (or Lohasians, as they're called at Beliefnet) represent 17 percent of the U.S. population, according to a report released by the Natural Marketing Institute at a LOHAS conference held in April in Santa Monica, Calif. The study said Lohasians are "dedicated to personal and planetary health." Seventy-three percent buy recycled-paper goods, and 71 percent buy natural or organic "personal care" products. They pay more to get foods without pesticides and want their cars fuel-efficient. Among the products and services offered at the conference this year were detoxifying pine oil, organic body lotion, ecofriendly spas and recycled-cashmere sweaters. A decade ago, one attendee said, the conference vendor room offered only "broccoli and tomatoes."Lohasians shop just as widely for spiritual practices. From Buddhism: meditation and admiration of "nothingness." From Hinduism: yoga, gurus, color and chanting. From paganism: an emphasis on honoring nature. From Asian cultures: feng shui and acupuncture. Lohasians devour heaping doses of Western psychotherapy, plus the ideas of the recovery movement ("one day at a time"). They identify as "spiritual, not religious," and many believe in "synchronicity" or "meaningful coincidences" that might be guided by a spirit world. Does this sound like someone you know? If you have a yoga mat and "singing bowls," if you chant or do polarity therapy or energy healing, if you consume goji berries or biodynamic organic wines, you just might be a Lohasian.

—Steven Waldman and Valerie Reiss

I own a yoga mat and took a class in energy healing, but I don't own singing bowls nor do I consume goji berries although I have a friend who is selling them. I think I still qualify.

I went to a seminar with Julia Cameron tonight. She wrote "The Artist's Way" and "Vein of Gold." The woman sounded exactly like Joan Cuzak. She even had the same mannerisms. Cameron said she lives in Manhattan, a block away from Central Park, but her voice is soooo Chicago.

It was fun that she named dropped. She was engaged to Martino Scorcese and worked at The Washington Post during the Watergate era and knew Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein.

Cameron talked about morning pages, and I decided I needed to start doing them again. It's been years since I've done them, and I know I so rebelled against doing them. But it got the feeling that it was time to do to them again.

I went to Walgreen's after the class and picked up these really cool notebooks and new pens. I love buying new equipment when I'm about to start a project.

I was talking to a woman about one of my novels, and she told it was selfish to not want to write if I had the gift of writing. She told me she couldn't even imagine writing a fictional novel. I don't know. Maybe I am being selfish for not writing especially when I seem to easily make up stories. It's an issue that I am seriously pondering tonight.

Am I being selfish when I don't write because I was given the gift of writing?

Just finished filling out my absentee ballot for tomorrow's election, which I will hand into my polling place tomorrow. In all my years of living in the City and County of San Francisco, I have not once voted for Dianne Feinstein or Nancy Pelosi. I just leave those sections blank since I can't stand either person.

I voted for Fiona Ma only because voting for Janet Reilly would be like voting in Katie Couric for public office. An ex-television reporter married to a one-time political consultant great does not make for a great politician I think.

I voted No on every San Francisco measure especially the one concerning money. I thought the city was out of money. Guess not!

And for whatever reason Phil Angelides just bugs me. I think Steve Westly is more my kind of democrat because I like my politicians to have business experience.

And yes I voted for Jerry Brown for Attorney General, but not Deborah Ortiz for Controller.

I know I haven't been posting much, but I just don't feel like writing in my blog these days. I'm not doing any kind of writing at all, so it's not just my blog. It's been a strange month. It feels like I made a ton of spiritual progress, which has sadly shaken my core beliefs about who I am and what I need to make me happy.

I've had the feeling this month, which I only felt once before in my life, that I don't really know who I am anymore. It is not a very pleasant feeling. I think I would have been more frightened by these feelings, had I not experienced them before. My friend S is convinced that my health has been so poor lately because all these new revelations about myself has shaken my being to such depths, that it has affected my health.

I shall have to write more about this when I've processed it all. I think I am just now processing my break-up with M-Square to where I can talk about it rationally to my friends without inventing a story or making an excuse for what happened.

And I think the universe, just to make it really clear to me that my world is being turned upside down, sent me a clear message today. One of my favorite pastimes is to shop in Victoria's Secret. They are the only underwear stores that I've been able to find that sells decent cotton underwears and bras. So I walk to VC today and I notice that all their cotton bras are gone. The cotton undies are still there, but not the cotton bras. Of course you can still buy them online, but not in the store anymore. Can you tell my world is like seriously changing? It is to me when I can't shop in any Victoria's Secret store anymore.

The world is turning into a plastic polyster nightmare! Even Lands End is giving in to plastic clothes and hardly selling anything 100% cotton or other natural fabrics. It is beyond my comprehension why people would want to wear plastic bags around their body, because that is what you do when you wear polyester. Yes, poly folly does not wrinkle and is easy to take care of, but it also traps smells and is ghastly uncomfortable when it's hot.

I mean, why would any woman want to wear plastic undies and plastic bras unless they like underwear that will stink and make them sweat. So scary! No wonder men complain about certain odors when doing certain intimate acts - it's the chick's undies!

I saw "The Da Vinci Code" last night and loved the movie. It's not the book, but I thought Akiva Goldsman did an excellent job of translating the book into a movie. Even if you haven't read the book, you still the get fundamental story.

There were so many things that Ron Howard added visually which enhanced the book. My friend and I think that the critics hated it, because let's face it, the critics hate anything to do with spirituality. The critics hated "The Passion", and that was definitely an excellent movie and Mel Gibson made his money back and a ton more. Hollywood critics will never love a movie that has anything to do with Jesus.

Just because the critics hated the movie, I think people who read the book will still be interested in watching a movie made from the book just to see what was left in and what was left out.

My friend and I thought that some parts of the movie were very, very moving. And I think that if your faith is shaken by this fictional work, then your faith wasn't very strong to begin with because it's not like any of this information is very, very new. The filmmakers made it clear that no matter what you think Jesus did or didn't do, you cannot deny that he was an amazing spiritual master who changed the world for the better.

I give the movie a B+. "The Passion" is still my favourite modern Jesus movie after "The Last Temptation of Christ", but "The Da Vinci Code" is definitely worth seeing.

My money market account interest rate at my credit union is so far below what other banks are offering, I took about 2/3 of the money out and put it into one of those competitive money market accounts paying over 4%. Okay, the rate is not great but I need the fund to be as liquid as possible and still make a little money.

My friend said a CD isn't a bad way to go for since I rarely touch the money in my money market now, but I don't know. I just don't like the idea of my money being locked away from me for any amount of time.

What little money I have, I want to have access to sadly 24/7. This new money market fund comes with checks and an ATM with no charges too!

Thank god my gold and oil funds have doubled since I bought them last year. I am hoping oil goes to a $100 a barrel and gold goes up to $1,000 an ounce. I know this is bad because if oil goes to $100 a barrel, our economy will seriously be up the creek without much of a paddle.

I don't buy that many groceries, but I have been noticing these last few months that shopping at Trader Joe's is now becoming very, very expensive, almost as expensive as Whole Paycheck. I don't know how people are coping if their financial situation is already stretched. And gas is way out of control. I am so glad I don't drive to work anymore. I always picked up gas at a Costco out the city anyway, which retails gas about $0.20 below San Francisco and about $0.10 below the gas price in the area the store is located.

And yes, I am happy that I am used to being a vegetarian because buying food if you're a vegetarian is a hell of a lot cheaper than buying food if you're not. I'm used to eating like a poor vegetarian person who's always on a diet; it's been my MO since I was 19 years old. Going back to eating protein has only been a recent thing. It's probably good I don't drink very much now as well, since drinking adds up. I have an amazingly well-stocked liqour cabinet anway, so it's not like I need to ever buy the stuff for another year or two.

Clothes and anti-aging products like vitamins are my money drainers, and books too! Especially clothes that are on sale as I can't resist a sale; I think it's a genetic thing. And I hate not feeling good and not feeling healthy, and any amount of money is so worth spending to always feel like you're doing the latest and greatest to feel good and be healthy. I'm not sure how this attitude jives with my inability to keep my weight at a reasonable level, since being fat is not healthy. Perhaps it could have something to do wtih the fact that purchaseing another vitamin is so much more pleasurable than denying myself a large McDonald's french fries when I'm cranky and tired.

Just my luck! The first time I decide I actually needed to vote for someone on "American Idol", Chris the cool alternative rock guy, my nominee gets booted off. I think the chick should be have been booted off.

My prediction is it will be either be Elliot or Taylor. Elliot has a great voice, but Taylor is like the typical band singer guy you always see in small and dark bars. I think people would love to see a guy like that get a chance to make it big.

At the New Living Exp over the weekend, I bought something called Rejuvenizer in Shimmering Mint.

The Rejuvenizers® – Subtle energy protection for today's living.
The Rejuvenizer® line, created by Dr. Phyllis Light, is designed to help protect your physical and subtle bodies from the harmful effects of electromagnetic fields (EMFs) and to help repair subtle damages to those bodies from all such negative energies, as well as from drugs, surgical procedures, and other people's negativity directed at you. The Rejuvenizer website

Two friends had purchased them and said they worked. It was so cool because Dr. Phyllis Light was at the booth when I bought I was there, and she actually touched the Rejuvenizer I bought. The one I purchased was made by an artist who doesn't work for them anymore, so her pieces are rare. Dr. Light told me she was wearing one by the same artist, but here was in a different color.

I feel so naked now without my super receptor. I've been wearing one continously for so long. I want to say 2002, but I don't remember now. I just checked. I started wearing my receptor in December 2002. I'm hoping my Rejuvinezer will help, but just in case I'm going to wear the first receptor I bought.

So I found out why my stupid pleiadian technology necklace doesn't work anymore. I decided I needed to change the stone on my necklace from an amethyst to a garnet, and when I took it to a jeweler at lunch time he said I had somehow crushed the amethyst and the stone was worthless.

I have no idea how I crushed the thing, but I guess I did. It was time to change the stone anyway, but just in case it's not, the jeweler is going to change the prongs so I can change the jewel myself. I am buying a 4.5 mm amethyst and garnet to see if changing the stone makes a difference, cool huh? The jeweler said it was the same price. I wonder how much a 4.5 mm ruby would cost? I'll have to ask him when I pick it up next week.

The jeweler guy was nice and told me he would change the diamond earrings my grandma gave me into screwbacks so I wouldn't lose them and change me only $110. He was such a nice guy and the only jeweler who does jewelry repairs in the Embarcadero and probably downtown San Francisco I would have taken it to the jeweler in my neighborhood who did some repairs for me last year, but he takes way too long. This Embarcadero jeweler is probably very expensive, but at least he's fast.

And yes, it is going to cost me a very pretty penny to get my prong redone and everything else I'm doing, but it's worth it my alien technology starts working again.

James Redfield and his wife Salle, the guy who wrote the book and the screenplay for "The Celestine Prophecy", was speaking tonight at the expo about the deeper meaning of the book. I was too tired to wait for him because he wasn't speaking till 9 pm, so I came home. I think the tibetan healing treatment wiped me out.

My friend S and I weren't that impressed by the movie right after we saw it, but something in that movie must have disturbed us because that night we both had bad dreams. That movie must have stirred up something in our subconscious which made my friend S sick and have bad dreams, and made me just have bad dreams.

Then last Saturday at a healing group we've both been going to we met a woman, a pediatrician endocrinologist from Children's Hospital in Oakland, who remembered seeing us the premier of the movie on Tuesday. What a small world huh? The woman had attending John of God, some big old healing center in Brazil. Her friend had made an amazing recovery from some debilitating disease from being treated by John of God, so the woman had flown down to Brazil with her friends to check these people out. The lady doctor said she felt them the healer do some spiritual psychic surgery on her, and a few days later awoke and felt them taking her sutures out. She said she knew what the procedure was, had done and had it done to her, so she knew what it felt like. It blew her medically trained mind.

I think she has a difficult job because she told us she treats children with diabetes. I can't imagine being a young child and having diabetes. What an awful disease to have as a young child. And I think if you have diabetes disease as a young child, it's not curable like adult onset diabetes. At least the technology is better these days for checking your blood sugar than it was a few years agol.

Wow, it's been awhile since I've posted. Things just go so crazy! My stupid throat thing hung on forever and I only managed to get rid of because I had a visit with my kineseologist last Saturday, and he found a ton of bacteria in my lungs which he cleaned out. He checked for viruses as well, but thankfully he didn't find any. My throat thing was gone the next day which was so amazing!

Everyone told me the throat thing would last at least three weeks, but mine lasted about 11 days, thanks to my acupuncture chinese herbs and my kineseologist and all without heavy duty drugs except for some drug store meds for sinus inflammation. At least I didn't have to go to the doctor and it didn't turn into strep throat. There's been a rash of people getting strep throat at the office.

Around a couple of weeks ago, the Saturday before Easter, I had some filling replaced and my intuition about my health was right on as usual. My dentist found out that the two silver fillings I wanted replaced were cracked and the teeth underneath were getting decayed. He said they both look liked there were on the verge of collapsing in my mouth so it was a good thing I had them replaced. I think taking those two mercury fillings out contributed to my run down health these last two wees, what with the mercury flooding my system.

My kineseologist told me to come and see him after my dental appointment so he could take the mercury out of my system. He thinks I should see a great improvement in my health now that my merucy leaking fillings are gone.

Still I spent this week recovering since I think my body was recovering from being invaded by nasty throat germs and mercury running through my system.

It's another busy weekened for me because I've been at the New Living Expo. It's fun to see what's out there in the new age world. There weren't very many new things to see as there were last year, except for lots of Tibetan booths. I had a Tibetan healing today, and the healer told me I was bloated on my right side andI needed to do some serious cleansing because my plumbing was all backed up. I bought some blood purification tea which tastes divine and hopefully will help.

On Friday and I went with a friend of mine and she boughts some crystals from Brazil and bought for me a Himalayan Salt Crystal lamp as a belated birthday present. I've been wanting to get one for awhile now but just hadn't gotten around to purchasing one. The Himilayan Salt Crystal lamp is supposed to give off negative ions, which means if you had one in the room it would be like you were sleeping on beach as the ocean waves give off lots of negative ions. She got a good deal at the booth because she bought two lamps, one for herself and one for me, and booth people gave us free himilayan salt crystal tea light. The tea light is a smaller version of the lamp salt crystal, with a hole to put a tea light in it.

I ran into so many people that I knew at the Expo on Friday. I had no idea I knew so many people in the new age community, but I guess I do.

I bought tickets for my friend S (from work) and I to go and see the San Francisco premier of "The Celestine Prophecy" movie. James Redfield and his wife Salle are going to be at the movie theatre and I am dying to see what they're like in person.

I love the whole "Celestine Prophecy" book series and own all the books. It's so weird because my friend S went to see the literary agent Peter Miller at a Learning Annex seminar yesterday, and found out that Peter had helped to produce the movie. Peter said that he wanted Redfield to make the script more understandable to an audience who had never read the original book, but redoubled declined. I am interested to see the movie because I read the book in 1995 and haven't read it since.

A girl in a growth and development seminar gave me her copy of the book and then moved to Monterey to go to law school. We lost touch with each other so I never gave the book back. The woman who gave me the book decided in that seminar she wanted to be a child rights advocate lawyer, and I believe within three months found a law school in Monterey, applied, got accepted, found a place to live and was able to relocate her job with the same company to the area. Talk about an amazing self transformation!

I couldn't sleep so I decided to rebalance my meager IRA. My gold mutual fund has doubled and my energy mutual fund is about to double, but my poor treasury fund was going nowhere so I cashed out and sold it it on Monday.

Tonight or rather tomorrow I will be buying shares of:

BHP - BHP Billiton Limited, together with its subsidiaries, engages in mining, drilling, and processing mineral resources. It produces iron ore, copper, nickel metal, manganese, diamonds, silver, titanium, aluminium, and uranium. The company also engages in the exploration, production, and development of oil and natural gas in Australia, the United Kingdom, the United States, Algeria, Trinidad and Tobago, and Pakistan. The company also exports metallurgical coal for the steel industry, and energy coal. In addition, it has exploration interests in the United States, Australia, Trinidad and Tobago, Pakistan, Algeria, Brunei Darussalam, South Africa, Canada, and the Philippines. BHP Billiton Limited was founded in 1885 and is headquartered in Melbourne, Australia.

SSRI - Silver Standard Resources, Inc., an exploration stage company, engages in the acquisition and exploration of silver properties in Argentina, Australia, Canada, Chile, Mexico, Peru, and the United States. Its principal mineral properties comprise the Pirquitas Project in the Province of Jujuy, Argentina; and the Pitarrilla Project in Durango State, Mexico. Silver Standard Resources also owns interests in the Bowdens Project in Australia; the Shafter Silver Project in Texas, the United States; and in the San Luis Project in the Ancash Department of Peru. In addition, it holds tertiary mineral property interests in the Diablillos Project in Argentina, the Berenguela Project in Peru, the right to acquire the Veta Colorada Project in Mexico, the Challacollo Project in Chile, a 55% interest in the Maverick Springs Project in northern Nevada, the San Marcial Project in Mexico, the San Agustin Property in Mexico, the Silvertip Property in northern British Columbia, Canada, and the Sunrise Lake Deposit in the Northwest Territories, Canada. Further, the company holds long-term property interests in the Candelaria mine in west central Nevada and the Sulphurets Project in British Columbia, Canada. Silver Standard Resources has strategic alliance with Minco Silver Corporation to pursue silver opportunities in the People’s Republic of China, and an agreement with Esperanza Silver Corporation for the evaluation of mineral prospects in central Peru. The company was incorporated in 1946 as Silver Standard Mines, Limited and changed its name to Silver Standard Mines Limited in 1979. Further, it changed its name to Consolidated Silver Standard Mines Limited in 1984 and to Silver Standard Resources, Inc. in 1990. The company is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

BGO - Bema Gold Corporation engages in the mining and production of gold and silver; and the acquisition, exploration, and development of precious metals properties principally in the Russian Federation, South Africa, and Chile. Its principal assets include a 79% interest in the Julietta Mine, a gold and silver underground mine in Russia; a 100% interest in the Petrex underground and open pit gold mines, South Africa; a 50% interest in the Refugio Mine in Chile, a previously producing open pit, heap leach gold mine; a 24% interest in the Aldebaran property in Chile, which includes the Cerro Casale deposit, an development stage gold-copper deposit in Chile; and a 75% interest in the construction stage Kupol gold and silver project in northeast Russia. The company also has indirect interests in the East Pansky platinum-palladium exploration property in Russia; and the Mill Canyon and related gold exploration properties in Nevada. In addition, it has a 70% interest in a gold property at Monument Bay in Manitoba, Canada; the 100% owned Quebrada gold property in Chile; and the 100% owned Yarnell gold property in Arizona. The company was founded in 1988 and is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

XMSR - XM Satellite Radio Holdings, Inc. operates as a satellite radio service company primarily in the United States. It provides music, news, talk, information, entertainment, and sports programming for reception by vehicle, home, and portable radios, as well as over the Internet to approximately 6 million subscribers. The company provides XM NavTraffic, a satellite traffic data service that provides real-time traffic information; and XM WX satellite weather service that offers graphical data weather service to the marine and aviation markets. XM Satellite Radio Holdings also offers XM Radio for the automobile industry. In addition, it provides online service, including online music purchase and playlist management capability. As of January 31, 2006, XM Satellite Radio operated approximately 160 channels, including 67 commercial-free music channels; 34 news, talk, and entertainment channels; 39 sports channels; 21 instant traffic and weather channels; and 1 emergency alert channel. The company markets its services through various distribution channels, including automotive manufacturers and dealers, national and regional electronics retailers, car audio dealers, and mass retailers and rental car companies. XM Satellite Radio Holdings was founded in 1992 and is headquartered in Washington, District Of Columbia.

I wanted to buy shares of SU or Suncor, but it was selling at around $88. I should have bought some shares last year when it was trading at $40 something. Oh well! Suncor Energy, Inc. operates as an integrated energy company in Canada. It operates through four segments: Oil Sands, Natural Gas, Energy Marketing and Refining, and Refining and Marketing. The Oil Sands segment offers light sweet crude oil/diesel and light sour crude oil/bitumen. The Natural Gas segment explores, develops, produces, and supplies natural gas, natural gas liquids, and crude oil. The Energy Marketing and Refining segment refines, transports, and markets petroleum and petrochemical products, such as gasoline, jet fuel, diesel, heating fuels, heavy fuel oils, and petrochemicals to industrial, commercial, wholesale, and refining customers. The Refining and Marketing segment refines and markets transportation fuels, including gasoline, jet fuel, diesel, and asphalt. The company was formerly known as Suncor, Inc. Suncor Energy was founded in 1953 and is headquartered in Calgary, Canada.

I have 30% invested in energy stocks which I think is fine for now, and about 40% invested in gold, silver and mining stocks, with the other 30% in some new technologies and pharmaceutical stocks.

Depending on how much money I have left after my trades tomorrow. I will probably pick another silver stock, PAAS. Pan American Silver Corp. engages in the exploration, acquisition, development, and operation of silver mines. It has mining operations in Mexico, Peru, Argentina, and Bolivia; and has non producing silver resources in the United States and Argentina. The company owns and operates the Quiruvilca silver mine, the Huaron silver mine, and the Morococha silver mine in Peru; La Colorada Mine, Mexico; and San Vincente, Bolivia. Its development projects include the Alamo Dorado silver project in Mexico and Manantial Espejo in Argentina. The company’s products include silver rich zinc, lead and copper concentrates, and silver/gold ore. The company, formerly known as Pan American Energy Corporation, was incorporated in 1979 and changed its name to Pan American Silver Corp. in 1995. Pan American Silver is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

I will also probably pick up some shares of NG or NovaGold. NovaGold Resources, Inc., through its wholly-owned subsidiaries and joint ventures, engages in the exploration and development of mineral properties in North America. As of November 30, 2005, the company had interests in Donlin Creek gold property, which contained a measured and indicated resource estimated at 14 million ounces of gold, and an additional inferred resource of approximately 14 million ounces of gold in southwestern Alaska; the Galore Creek property that included an indicated resource estimated at approximately 5.9 million ounces of gold, 6.8 billion pounds of copper, and 76 million ounces of silver, as well as an additional inferred resource estimate of 7.8 million ounces of gold, 5.2 billion pounds of copper, and 81 million ounces of silver in northwest British Columbia; the Rock Creek property, which comprised of approximately 100,000 ounces of gold in Nome, Alaska; Ambler project that contained resources of 817,000 ounces of gold, 3.2 billion pounds of copper, 4.2 billion pounds of zinc, and 6.2 million ounces of silver in Alaska; Big Hurrah; and Nome Gold properties in Nome, Alaska. NovaGold Resources also sells sand, gravel, and land. The company was incorporated in 1984 as 1562756 Nova Scotia Limited. It changed its name to NovaCan Mining Resources (l985) Limited in 1985 and to NovaGold Resources, Inc. in 1987. NovaGold Resources is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

I am recoving from a sinus infection. I've had it off and since Tuesday and spent a horrible weekend in bed coughing and hacking. I have that disgusting post nasal drip where hot stuff drips down into my throat (it's bacteria I'm told) and makes me cough till I cry. I went home early from work yesterday because people kept coming into my cube to ask me if I was okay. I think they wanted me to go home because I sounded disgustig and they thought I was flooding the floor with germs.

It's not so bad today, but I'm still hacking a bit.

I am still in mourning over M-Square. My angel reader from Southern California called me at work today and I told her that M-Square and I broke up. She said that although M-Square is my univeral soul partner and was created especially for me 5 billion years ago, he is no longer in the light. She said he left the light 700,000 years ago and because of this, our relationship will always be a struggle so she was not too surprised it was over. M-Square is very spiritual but I'm not sure he really believes in God, JC, a higher power or whatever. He has that "I can do it all myself" attitude, which is a sure sign of an "unbeliever" and does not make for very good relationship or marriage material. Relationships and marriage are hard enough, without a person thinking it's all up to them. I remember her warning me that M-Square needed to reconnect to God for it to ever work for us. I think he has a little, but maybe not enough.

My friend S at work told me last week (she's every intuitive) that M-Square misses me, but that he's very, very messed up. She kept asking me why I wanted to be with such a messed up person because I could so much better than him.

My angel reader told me that I have another universal soul partner out there, who was created 300, 000 years ago especially for me and that I will meet him in the next two years. She said she knew I must be suffering because it's hard to let someone go who's been around you for 4 billion and 300,000 years. No kidding! I had to run off to a meeting and she ended our call by saying "I hope what I've said gives you some peace."

My aunt called yesterday to tell me she will be a volunteer when the Dalai Lama visits San Francisco on Saturday. He is having some kind of private gathering with invited guests, and my aunt by marriage's sister is one the invite list. My aunt told me that the Dalai Lama has agreed to meet with the volunteers for the events, and even though my aunt hasn't the foggiest idea about meditation or tibetan buddhism, she is excited to be meeting him.

She also told me some disturbing news. My other aunt, who lives on Kauai, told her that she has been praying that M-Square and I break up. When I heard the news, I was like "what the fbomb?" Why would my aunt be doing that? I think the woman is just so evil. She knew I was so happy that M-Square and I were together, and I think she was jealous that I was happy because her two own two daughters are still living at home and not likely any time soon to be married. God, the whole thing just creeps me out and made me realize that I really can't trust my family. I was starting to think things were getting better since my grandma died, but the dysfunctional family dynamic is still alive and kicking.

My aunt and my real mother were rivals, and even though my mom has been dead these many years, I think my aunt is still carrying on the rivalry. Like whatever! All of my siblings, except for my one sister are living on their own. And my one sister can't help it because she has a learning disability that was never diagnosed or treated when she was a child, and we all think it was caused because my mother took some medical drug she wasn't supposed when she was pregnant with my sister and the poor kid's brain never fully developed.

Not my cousins. They were totally all born normal in a normal household with a mother and father and two dogs. My uncle was a doctor for crying out loud, yet my cousins still live at home. My cousin the lawyer doesn't need to live at home, and only does it because she's saving to buy a condo. But my other cousin who is older than me still lives at home with my evil aunt. My boy cousin doesn't live at home, but my aunt has to send him rent money every month because he doesn't make enough money to cover his expenses and the guy has to have his own apartment, so he might as well be living at home.

Right now I am so mad at my aunt. I just cannot tell these members of the family anything because they have never wished me well and whenever I hear what they're saying about me, it's never been very good. But my aunt praying that M-Square and I break up has to take the evil cake prize. She is like so catholic too, I don't know how she can sit in her church and not be struck down by god. She knew I was happy, and that I was looking forward to moving down to LA and marrying my M-Square. What a bitch that woman is! She had no good reason to pray for our breakup, other than her own evilness and jealousy!

I heard this song while driving around yesterday in the rain "Doing too Much" by Paula Deanda. I was googling the song and she has an official website where you can hear the song - Paula Deanda.

This is the theme song of my relationship with M-Square. The guys goes "just leave your name and number and I'm going to holler at ya". Yep, that's me.

I'm leaving messages and voicemails Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing to much
Why you tryna diss me When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing to much,
Tell me what's the issue Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing to much
This is turning into Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing to much

I remember a character in a televison show talking about losing his love and he said like "it doesn't matter if you've had a few months or four hundred years together, it's never enough time." I never knew what he meant until now.

It doesn't matter that M-Square and I only had a few months together. A few months or thirty years, at the end I think I would be thinking the same thoughts I am now - "that we didn't have enough time."

Speaking about Muni, I watched the Muni fare inspectors this week bust four people on the train for not having a transfer or a Fastpass. Two inspectors came on two separate days and each time busted two people. And at the height of morning rush hour, they are not busting bums or other people you think are taking advantage of the system. They are giving tickets out to people wearing very expensive suits and carrying very expensive bags.

I can't believe these people. The Fastpass only cost $45 a month and if you're going to work every day, you should get one. It makes me wonder how many other well-heeled Muni patrons are working the system and riding for free and just not getting caught. Or, maybe they just don't pay on the way to work and only pay going home. Still! These people are the reason Muni is losing money and threatening to raise the monthly pass fees. Muni was at least breaking even when they had a driver on every train, but then probably some knucklehead on our city council living in some fairy-tale world of their decided that San Francisco people are honest and Muni could run more efficiently on the honor system. WRONG!

You know I don't mind that bums or poor people ride for free because those people cannot really afford to pay, but I get really upset when I see a woman with a $400 handbag and wearing $1,000 worth of clothes and jewelry getting busted for not having a monthly pass in the morning. Dang! It's only $45. That woman probably doesn't wear anything that costs under $100, and yet she's jerking the system and riding for free!

People who work in downtown San Francisco hate the train inspectors because they think it's stupid to bust people during the morning and evening rush hour. It's a nuisance and I know everyone thinks that no one is that dishonorable enough to ride for free. But from what I saw this week, I hope everyone is getting that there are quite a few dishonset people or quite a few people dumb enough to get caught without a pass or transfer.

This is the first day since last Saturday that I've felt a little happier. This last week has been so hard! I missed M-Square so much, and was practically crying at work when my friend S and I were exchanging emails about him. She told me not to get discouraged, but it just made me miss the guy even more! And then on Friday, I started thinking about M-Square and tears were coming out of my eyes on Muni. Nothing beats crying on public transportation during the Friday night rush hour. People stare at you with genuine pity in their eyes. God only knows what they must be thinking.

I am definitely processing something in my mind because I have been having the wildest, wildest dreams. I dreamt my grandparents were still alive and so was our old neighbour, Mr. Murakami. He had these amazing manicured gardens with all these bonsai plants. The man was truly a gardner artist, but boy did he hate dogs. My grandparents swore the man poisoned all of our dogs because they kept getting into his gardens and doing their morning and evening routines. In the dream, my grandparents were laughing because Mr. Murakami was screaming and throwing dog poo back in our yard saying it belonged to our dog. My granparents were just laughing and rolling their eyes. I don't know if this was a real memory that I dreamed about or just some kind of weird dream.

On a better note, I did my taxes today and I am getting a huge refund! I haven't filed them yet, because I want to think about the deductions I'm taking but I think I am getting at least $700-800 back. And I'm getting a refund from the State of California for once.

I thought for sure I was going to owe money, which is why I've waited this long to do my taxes so I was pleasantly surprised to find out I am getting such a big refund. I claim two on my exemptions, which I was supposed to switch back to one in July but kept forgetting about. When I claimed two exemtions in 2004 I screwed myself over tax wise, but not this year.

That business license I got last year has really workjed out for me tax wise. It is definitely the way to go. I wrote off my beading classes and beading supplies, and then decided to write off all of my writing classes as well because I earned some money doing a little writing gig last year. I earned $35 working as a film panel person at the Academy of Art College for my ex-screenwriting teacher. My business license says "wholesales sales" but I think writing qualifies under my business license, don't you think?

I'm thinking I should actually switch my business license to writer, if there is such a thing. Then I could start writing off not only writing classes, but books as well. Maybe I will even write off movie tickets as research. My brother says owning your own business is the best thing a person can do to not pay too many taxes. He writes off his gym membership, clothing, his car, food, you name it, and the boy writes it off. But then he really does have a legitimate business with a few employees. But he says I can do it as well. He told me I should write off my trip to Hawaii as a business expense for my beading business, because I was showing my jewerly off to friends I know who own shops. They even asked me if I was going to make more and were very interested in selling them. Not sure if they were serious or not or just being polite, but my brother said that our interaction would qualify as a business meeting. He is so funny!

I'm so mad at myself today. I let the batttery on my palm tungsten E die out, and I lost a ton of information! And stupid, stupid me, didn't back my palm up since last summer so I've lost about 8 months worth of information. I lost the list of books I've been reading for 2005 and for 2006. I lost all of my appointments, and can only remember three I have this month so if I have anything personally scheduled after April, well, I just hope I remember them. What else? My list of movies seen for 2005 and 2006, and all my financial information that I've been storing on my Palm., which thank God I think can replaced if I spend a month re-entering everything.

But I'm mostly pissed at the list of books and movies that I've lost. God, this is the first time I've let my palm die ever! I am so pissed at myself right now! I'm going to have spend a whole month I think trying to re-enter everything. What a horrid, horrid, stupid thing to do!

But thank god it wasn't worse! At least I haven't lost any of my writing. I think there might have been one or two writing things on my Palm, but nothing too terribly important I think.

Something fun has been happening at work, although I would hardly call it a flirtation. I received an email last Friday from a new manager in another division requesting some material for a presentation he was working on. I sent it to him on Friday and on Monday he sent me an email with some questions, which I needed permission from one of my bosses to release the information he was asking for. I ended up calling the guy on Monday at around 5 pm thinking he would be gone for the day and I could leave a message.

We ended up talking fo about 45 minutes about his presentation and the information I sent to him. Then on Tuesday, the guy pops by my cube and we end up talking for another hour and 45 minutes. He had emailed me his powerpoint presentation and he wanted to show it to me himself when I told him I hadn't even had the chance to look at it yet.

Wow, the time just flew by and next thing I know he wants to google a night time image of the US and we're both staring at my PC at a night time image of the US and commenting about where there are lights and no lights on the map. How weird was that? The guy kept saying he couldn't stay long and then ended pulling up an empty chair so he could talk to me. Then when I walked him to the door of our floor, we kept chatting about other business related matters.

This guy is such a trip. He's young, just got his MBA from the University of Michigan from the way he talks, and grew up in Ann Arbor. He was proud to tell me he was a free market capitalist, which translates into San Francisco Bay Area speak as "Republican". The guy must have learnt something from living here because he knows he just can't announce to a girl in San Francisco that he's a "Republican" without suffering the consequences of that act. I just laughed when he told me that because I knew exactly what he was talking about. So funny! I mean, what else kind of guy would pay for his own personal subscription to The Wall Street Journal?

And yes, the guy is attractive. He's nice and big which I like, and he's a brown-eyed blondie which has always been a favourite type of mine only because brown-eyed blondie boys are so rare. Too bad he works in my company is all I can say.

But he is so darned nice. Today he comes to my cube on a break from a training session he's in and hands me a video of 60 Minutes shows he's tivoed and thought I might be interested in watching because they were all on healthcare. How sweet was that?

I am having major flashbacks with this guy because I have dated way too many guys like him in my past; the frat boy, republican type. Wanna bet the guy wears boxers and shorts with his boxers hanging out? Most of the guys I dated in college and beyond were like this guy, the typical what my friend Shari in college used to call "Bowdoin preppy"; the kind of chubby, happy go lucky, very charming, opinionated and a great conversationalist, always neatly and preppily dressed, republican frat boy. These guys always look squeeky clean, smell good, always pay, can totally talk your ear 0ff and charm your panties off to boot at the same time, until the next thing you know it's the morning and y0u're waking up buttt naked in an expensively furnished room and the guy is handing you an aspirin and a glass of water to cure your hangover with the biggest grin on his face. And you're like thinking to yourself, how the hell did this happen?

I had a long talk with my friend S today at work. She thinks I need to move on and forget about M-Square. She thinks there is someone better on the way, and that M-Square will never change and I just need to forget about him. S thinks M-Square has way too many problems and that his vibration is so below mine that the universe took him away from me. S also thinks that I will always be a reminder to M-Square of just how low his vibe is compared to mine and that this situation doesn't make for a relationship.

I know M-Square had problems when I first met him. I know I should have just backed away in the first two weeks, especially when he started telling me more about himself but I didn't. There seemed to such a goodness inside of him that was so unmistakable. I feel like Padme in Star Wars when she says about Darth Vader "There is still goodness inside of him, I can feel it." I think even Princess Leia said this about father as well.

But I couldn't back away. We just seemed to fit, and I know we were soul mates, still are soul mates, but maybe not meant to be together in this lifetime. I don't know.

It's been two months and I still miss him terribly, especially this week. I don't think I missed him much in March as I am missing him this week so very, very much. But realistically, the chances of him changing and getting his act together are slim to none. It 's so hard for people to change, really hard. It is a super-human effort to be spiritual when you haven't been trying to be spiritual your whole life. I've been spiritual most of my life so I don't think I can even relate someone starting their journey on the spiritual path this late in life. I can only guess it would be so hard.

Even if God gave you the cosmic slap upside your head, it would still be so hard. I suppose a person could change, but maybe not enough to be at my level. This is S's theory about M-Square. She thinks people just can't change. But it's so unfair because I really, really liked him and I thought he really liked me. No, I know he really liked me but maybe we just weren't mean to be. God my heart breaks when I think about us not being together.

I feel like it's been centuries since our souls have been together, and to lose him again now after not having been with him for so long is just horrifying and unpalatable to my soul, my heart and my whole being. But I know I have to partner with someone. I realized today I cannot accomplish what I want do with my life unless I'm in a partnership with a guy. Some women can go it alone. I wish to God I was one of them, but I'm not. I need the balance of energies that being in a partnership brings, the stabalization, the companionship. Yes, I am a spiritual warrior, but I know I cannot go it alone.

But this much I know, my heart will keep on breaking till the universe brings another compatible man into my life. And sadly when that event happens, I will forget all about M-Square. It will be like he never existed and I will say to myself and all my friends, "it was God's grace that we are not together because this new guy is so much better."

And I know deep down I won't have to wait 14 years for another amazing guy to come into my life. I don't have the time and the world doesn't have the time for me to wait another 14 years. The new guy will come and I think he will come soon. I just wish with every fiber of my being that the "new guy" is the old M-Square changed, but I'm not sure if this kind of miracle exists in the world for us.

My department is such a soap opera. We have a new director who started on March 2o, and people are just going bonkers! My boss' boss is already spreading rumors about the poor guy and how bad he is, and worse yet, he found out that she is spreading the rumors.

I am really disgusted, seriously! I would be mortified if my boss found out I was spreading rumors about her. It's willfull and so evil, and it's kind of thing I thought only existed in movies. But no! It's happening right in my department. What a zoo this place is!

I am doing a little geographical escape myself and moving to a better cube. If you can't switch jobs, just move cubes. Nothing like a little location change.

Every time I look at the woman, my boss' boss who is spreading malicious rumors about her boss, I just see a really evil person. I can't help it. S thinks it's because my boss' boss is so scared that the new director guy is going to make changes that she is desperately doing this evil, evil thing. I nearly jumped out of my skin this afternoon when she came to my cube to ask me something.

I'm like, I wonder what rumors she's been spreading about me. M-Square was dead-on when he told me chances for career advancement were less than zero because I so do not get along with my boss' boss. The woman practically hates me because she was supposed to be the best writer in the group until I came along. A producer friend from LA said I should get used it, because if I ever become a paid writer I will generate a ton of hate from unpublished writers who think they can write better than me. Whatever!

God, I hope I don't ever get that desperate and scared at a job that I have to resort to spreading evil and false rumors about my boss. This company, any company I think, is way too small to be doing that kind of thing. And I'm like how did the new director guy find out? She must have told someone who she thought wouldn't rat on her. You so cannot trust anybody at work, can you?

My friend S from work came over to visit, and we had dinner at the vegan kosher chinese restaurant near my place called Shangri La. They have probably the best vegan dinner for $22 for 2 people. They serve spring rolls, soup, two dishes with purple/brown rice and fried banana for desert. It is such a deal!

S and I have so much in common. We both love blue and white dishes and London. She used to live in Penzance England, although she grew up in Montreal and all her family is in NYC. She's a long time meditator like me, and I think she was a fairy girl in one of her previous lives.

It's nice to make a new friend that you have so much in common with. Plus she's into this thing called Human Design, which is kind of astrology but totally different. She and I and projectors. She is very sensitive and very psychic.

I've only known here since December, but when we get together it's like we've know each other for years. She is writing a novel that I think will be a bestseller when she gets it published. She told me tonight about an idea for another novel she wants to write based on a woman she met and cared for who was Austrian and survivor of Auschwitz.

It was so weird to meet someone else who is as interested in Holocaust history as I am. We both think we were killed/gased during the Holocaust in a preveious life. She laughed because I say the word "Auschwitz" with a perfect german accent. I wonder if I died there. One of these days, I would like to travel to visit all the Holocaust camps to see if I have any dejavu experience at one of them. I know when I do, it will mean that I died at that particular death camp.

When I told her I thought I was flapper girl in NYC, she giggled and said she had a psychic vision of my previous life. I love music from that era, always have, even though I did not have exposure to it until I read my first F. Scott Fitzgerald short story. I used to really be into F. Scott!