My aunt and uncle had a memorial service for my grandmother at the catholic church they attend in Alameda. There were members of my family there that I don't see very often, which was nice.

I get there early, and my aunt tells me I missed Rich Gannon, the Oakland Raiders quarterback. Gannon attends their church with his wife regularly, and even hangs out to talk to the parishioners afterwards. What a scream! They say he's a really, really nice person. Gannon goes to church there when it's football season, but lives in some other state the rest of the time.

Her sister said Gannon's two kids attend some catholic school there. The San Francisco Bay Area is such a small world.

Afterwards, there was a barbeque at the priest's house, the rectory, which is right next to the church. Their priest seems like a really nice guy, and my aunt and uncle and their friends hang out with him and play cards (rummy) sometimes.

Father Fernando even gave me directions on how to get to my friend's house in Oakland, whom I was visiting afterwards. He drew a map and everything, which I thought was very sweet.

Some nun was also there that everyone knew, only she wasn't dressed in a nun outfit. I guess they don't have to do that anymore. She lives in her own house near the church.

The priest had a really nice house, and there was a Mercedes in the garage, which I'm assuming was his car. My aunt and uncle say their priest is really cool, and very open minded. I had a fun time, and it was nice to see family that I don't see very often.

I took a writing seminar today from this woman named Barbara Rose Booker. She was very good, and I got so much out of what she said.

Afterwards, I went to Starfreaks and wrote out 9 pages of outline and notes for my novel "Following in the Dark". I started it in 2001 with Nanowrimo, but then I couldn't finish it because I didn't know how to outline the novel. I think I learned that today.

I wrote a preliminary outline, and a structure which might be a little too complicated, but at least it's down on paper.

Most of my novel notes were trying to figure out what story to tell. Here's the new log line for my novel that I created in class today.

A religious woman with stigmata fantasies is trapped in a s&m relationship with her boyfried. She meets a mysterious itinerant preacher who holds the key to her freedom.

I think I'm trying to tell two stories. The first story is about an ex-catholic woman, who wanted to be a nun, wanted stigmata, some proof of God's love and existence. When none came, she gave up on God and years later finds herself in a physically abusive relationship with her current boyfriend.

Somehow in her mind, sex, religious pasion, and love all got fused together, making an s&m driven relationship not only normal but in a way very desirable. But lately the s&m stuff has become more violent, more dangerous, more risky.

I want to show the woman's descent into the dark side, like why would someone even want to be a sexual relationship where alot of pain was involved.

This is a subject that has always fascinated me, being very pain-phobic myself. I hate physical pain of any sort, but I know from experience, given the right circumstances, sometimes pain can be exciting, even incredibly desirable. I've always wanted to explore in a fictional character, when the line between pain and pleasure gets crossed to where it's the only thing that will satisfy a person.

But I also want to write about how you get out of that mode, that darkness, because I don't think being in a relationship where sexual pain is the only thing that satisfies you is all that healthy. I don't know. Maybe it is for some people, but for my fictional character, the s&m thing is not good.

So the second half of the book is how she gets out of the s&m relationship she's in. I wanted her to meet someone who shows her the light. I sort of thought I wanted her to meet Jesus, but I know that's hokey. I like it, but it's just a bit too much for people and really not that realistic.

So I think I want her to meet a mysterious itinerant preacher who untangles her thinking. But then I decided to add a Stephen King twist to my story, and make him supernatural in some way. And then I even decided I wanted a funky happy ending, and I mapped that out too.

My ending might be a little too neat and pat, but I think I can make it work.

So I'm writing out my notes about what I think about my new novel structure and this is what came out, "I don't think anyone is going to want to read this or publish it, but I don't care because I really like the story and want to finish it."

I think it's a wild story. I love the mysterious itinerant preacher, who may or not be Jesus in disguise. It's like the total religious fantasy I've had for years, meeting Jesus for real, and which later translated into wanting marrying someone jewish like Jesus, and which is currently wanting to marry a Jesus follower who helps me to further my relationship with God.

I also wrote to myself, "what if the only way I can sell this book is to have it be a bible banger type christian book?" That would freak me out, because I'm so not a bible banger, but if a christian publisher wants to publish it and pay me money, I'd take it.

But I'm also thinking, maybe this is the kind of book I write just to write, and never sell. This book is for me, just for my own pleasure and enjoyment, my story, no one else's, just to have, just because I like it and I don't care if everyone think it's horrid, it's mine, my creation, my fun crazy novel.

I know this is so Martha Stewartish of me, but I love making my own croutons for salads. The croutons you buy in the box in the store are so gross compared to the croutons I make myself.

It's so easy too. Use good italian or french bread, like baguettes or pugliese. Cut the bread up into cubes, drizzle with olive oil, and for seasoning, use McCormick Salt Free Garlic and Herb Seasoning. Bake in the oven till desired crunchiness at around 350 degree or so, and store for use with salads.

YUMMY!!!

In between watching the 49ers beat the Raiders in a pre-season football game, I watched the news coverage on the East Coast blackout.

I was so amazed by how much I still like Aaron Brown. He's just got the most amazing voice. He's so calm and steady. Like I said before, he's the Mister Rogers of broadcast news and that's his main appeal.

The conspiracy radio programs were having a fun time speculating on whether the blackout was caused by an electromagnetic pulse weapon, and whether it really was a terrorist attack or a secret US test of a new weapon gone haywire.

And I agree with other conspiracy boards I visit, the Shrubmeister looked very tired and worried in his taped response from San Diego. The man has really aged since since he took office.

And what was up with the Prime Minister of France saying it was caused by a lightning strike in upstate New York, when later reports said he was totally wrong?

A friend called and we both joked how we were freaking out in the first five minutes when we heard the news, thinking it was a terrorist attack. Before 9/11 we would never have dad that thought about terrorism.

I told her it's karma for the rest of the country laughing at California when he had our blackouts. Cheney the head Orcmeister said it was Cali's fault. We wouldn't be having a governor recall if it wasn't for the criminals like Ken Lay and Enron who messed with California's energy market.

The energy experts have been predicting blackouts would be happening on the east coast, just like they were in California, and of course, like the early reports of terrorists wanting to take down the World Trade Center again, nobody believed them.

Talk about conspiracy theories. Did you see the electrical grid maps for the US? Why is the Texas region on its own grid, and all the other states are connected on one of two other grids?