My kitchen smells like my childhood kitchen. I think my grandma is visiting me from heaven, because she's so worried about me and my current job situation.

It's the weirdest feeling in the world to walk into my kitchen and have it smell like how I remember my home kitchen smelling when I was a little girl, a smell I think of as a grandma smell.

Since I don't quite have a real drop yet as I'll be contracting for 30 days, I know I really shouldn't be spending any money. But at Costco today I saw Dr. Phil's dieting book on the book rack, and broke down and bought it. Friends of mine who read it and loved it, people I really trust, kept telling me I need to read it. I hope they're right, since I had the buy the hard copy of the book.

I didn't really follow my eating plan while on my training/business trip. I was eating alot and knew it, but I was so stressed out that I didn't care. My stress level was so high, I was even tempted to smoke. Thank god I decided to stay in a non-smoking room at the hotel, where the fine is $50 if you smoke. Otherwise, I'm sure I would have been chainsmoking every night.

I feel better now that I'm home. But it's also TOM time, and my h-mones might be going haywire. I sometimes get really depressed for no reason the night before it starts.

Two more days of work, and then I'm free of the crazy place. This is the first job that I've left with such bad feelings. I dislike having such bad feelings about my current employer. They are so not worth me expending any emotional energy on, especially a powerful emotion like hate.

I don't hate them, but they've made my leaving experience with them not very nice. The two guys I trained started to remind of the dotcom people I interviewe with once; those guys were so arrogant. I was so happy when I found out the company went under six months after my interview. Those guys were so nasty.

The training trip was however good for gossip. I found out that the company is not doing as well financially as they're saying they are. They're making money, but just only barely. There's a rumor that a big client's business might be declining. The client just had massive layoff and if they're looking to cut costs, I can see them cutting my company loose. Should that ever happen, my current employer will be in a deep financial hole.

My evil twin side is praying for this scenario happen. I can't help it. Those people I met with made me feel like a stupid, worthless, lazy employee. They totally denigrated the work I do, even though I had to help of of them this morning write a report query. Afterwards he said it was so simple, and I'm like thinking well if it was so darn easy, why did you ask me to help you solve it. Dummy!

My stupid new GSM wireless phone doesn't seem to work very well. For the first time since I've had my wireless service, I had dropped calls. I hate that! I should have stuck to my more expensive plan, but I wanted to save some money. Sometimes saving money is not the best decision. The stupid phone doesn't even work in my room. What's the point of having a cell phone if you can't use it.

I really hate my job right now. It's hard to train people on what you've been doing for the last four years. I can only teach the basics because that's what we have time for, and it comes across as idiot work. Whatever. I'd like to see my replacement spend months developing a project from scratch and improving on it.

I overhead the two guys I'm training saying something like my work was so easy. That made me so mad. They also kept saying how I should have automated my work, but I'm like who has time. Then I went to lunch with this friend I know from the offfice, and I told what the guys said. She said that that the guy's been saying for a year how he's going to automate his own work, but that he's never done it.

So I'm like, how dare that guy diss on me for not automating my work. Whatever. I came back to my hotel room feeling totally horrible about my intelligence, my work habits and my job skills. I don't know what to think. I know what one of the guys does, and I don't think it takes a ton of brain power to do his job either.

When he was going to train me, he said it took a week to do this one task. I looked at the task and thought, what the heck is this guy talking about. It only takes two days at the most to do it. So I'm like, you know that guy can think what he thinks because it's not like he's any better.

I hate when I get affected by people at work. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it has. I don't even think I want to do consulting for these people. I feel so stupid for even offering it, even though financially it's a great idea for me. But I'm like if they say no, I'll be so relieved. I can't wait until I sever my relationship totally with this crazy company.

I'm at a Courtyard Marriot somewhere in Sacramento. I'm supposed to have a free internet broadband connection, but I can't get through my company firewall. I think it's set up so I have to go through the VPN, and I don't want to do that. So I dialed my standby ISP connection. Thank god I kept it.

I'm typing and watching American Idol. It will probably be the highlight of my day. The traffic was so bad this morning that it took an hour to get out of San Francisco, so I got to my office half an hour late.

I thought I was going to just train one person, but now I'm training two. At least they're nice guys. Still after about four hours, one of them said he had enough. And I'm like great! We've got 1.5 days of training to go.

I'm hoping we can go at least 6 hours tomorrow. Whatever. It's their loss if we don't get it all done. I can't believe I'm going to to be in another job by next Wednesday.

I had dinner with one of the guys I'm training from the corporate office in New Jersey. We had a very interesting conversation about company business, which made me really glad I'm leaving. He confirmed all my suspicions about the future of the company, which kind of made me feel good because it tells me my intuition is never that far off and it is definitely serving me well.