I took the enneagram test four years ago, and I tested as an enneagram personality type four - The Artist, creative, intuitive, introverted depressive, with a Five wing, The Thinker, perceptive, analytic, eccentric, paranoid.

I felt so depressed this weekend. I had anxiety coursing through my body since Friday. I haven't had an anxiety attack in years. Breaking up with someone is so hard. It brings out every abandonment experience in my past. It doesn't matter if I was breaking up with someone because it was the best and right thing for me to do, I still feel abandoned.

In my depressive state, I read my enneagram book and here's one of the recommendations for personality type four that I should follow for my writing.

Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." Commit yourself to productive, meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no matter how small the contribution may be. Working consistently in the real world will create a context in which you can discover yourself and your talents. (Actually, you are happiest when you are working - that is, activating your potentials and realizing yourself.) You will not "find yourself" in a vacuum or while waiting for inspiration to strike, so connect, - and stay connected - with the real world.

I've been trying to work on my screenplay, but it's been slow going. I edited it a ton, but I still can't get into the mood to starting writing it again.

So now I'm back to my Texas novel, and typing up the pages I wrote back in the beginning of the year. When I write things out by hand, when I retype it it's like I'm doing another edit. It's weird to read chapters I wrote back in January and February, and then type it and edit now in September. 1,144 words typed and edited so far.

Sometimes even good things must come to an end, especially when they stop becoming fun. So red-haired guy and I are over ... big surprise. He was such a rush, but with every good rush comes a downer.

After that first boredom level, combined with his lack of communication and busy schedule, I decided that bowing out was better. Perhaps he decided this as well, and took the easy way out. Last weekend, all my girlfriends told me stories about guys who they dumped after all the attention stopped. It was like a national epidemic, and I guess I was a statistic.

But we did have fun, and it was a rush and we got some loving in, but now it's time to come back to the real world. I'm having a ton of anxiety about it all. Breaking off a relationship no matter how short is so anxiety producing. It's been such a weird weekend.

But maybe it was all worth it, because now I'm in such a mood to write. Gotta love a guy who puts me in the mood to write. I still really like the red-haired guy, but our dating styles just don't match. As someone once wrote, "you should be in a love relationship with someone whose addictive programming, whose issues you can live with". I think this statement is true, and I just couldn't live with red-haired guy's issues. I still love him, but he's just not dating material.

Not really sure if he's even story material yet except for our first meeting, but maybe that needs time to percolate. What a rush that boy was! A fun rush, but rushes just can't last, can they?

This is just me, but I know part of me is already kind of bored with the red-headed guy. 50 days and I've reached my first boredom level. This always happens with me, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the guy. It's just my thing. I think it's my way of claiming back my sense of self, and stepping back from a relationship because I'm like ready to kind of move on to the next thing. Maybe not necessarily a new relationship, but definitely something new to think about other than my red-headed guy.