I'm turning into my younger sisters, who are rail thin (one is a size 2) and who have major anxiety stress problems. I thought my anxiety would go away today, but it's like not. It's so weird to feel like you want to constantly jump out of your skin. My youngest sister has heart palpitations, when she get nervous and says it's the worse feeling.

I think I'm going through the same thing. All day long my heart's been like jumping and racing around. It's the weirdest feeling, and so unnerving. I hate it, and I'm like I think I really need to see a doctor and/or a shrink.

I started keeping a journal just for writing, where I write to myself about what I'm working on. John Steinbeck kept one, as well as other famous writers.

So I was writing an entry this morning on my commute to work, when I figured something I didn't know about my own writing process. I need to keep writing, even if it's not on the project I want to write about. I think I got kind of stuck on wanting to only work on one project at at time, which is so not the way I normally work on projects at work. At work I have to work on several projects at a time, doing a little bit here and there to keep up with my deadlines.

I have to adapt my job working style to my writing style, so I don't have to invent a new way of working for myself. Sounds so simple doesn't it, but I so did not get this before. And I need to take into account that I have a short attention span with everything, and only do well with short term projects or long term projects broken into short term projects.

If I'm always writing, I'll have a backlog of projects that need typing up or editing. So when I'm in a phase like I am where I can't write anything new down, I can keep up with my writing because I'll always have work that needs typing up or editing. So I won't feel guilty for not writing because I'll always be working on a project related to my writing.

I think this is a brilliant insight, and something I wish I'd gotten five years ago. But oh well. Better late than never, I suppose.

I took the enneagram test four years ago, and I tested as an enneagram personality type four - The Artist, creative, intuitive, introverted depressive, with a Five wing, The Thinker, perceptive, analytic, eccentric, paranoid.

I felt so depressed this weekend. I had anxiety coursing through my body since Friday. I haven't had an anxiety attack in years. Breaking up with someone is so hard. It brings out every abandonment experience in my past. It doesn't matter if I was breaking up with someone because it was the best and right thing for me to do, I still feel abandoned.

In my depressive state, I read my enneagram book and here's one of the recommendations for personality type four that I should follow for my writing.

Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." Commit yourself to productive, meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no matter how small the contribution may be. Working consistently in the real world will create a context in which you can discover yourself and your talents. (Actually, you are happiest when you are working - that is, activating your potentials and realizing yourself.) You will not "find yourself" in a vacuum or while waiting for inspiration to strike, so connect, - and stay connected - with the real world.

I've been trying to work on my screenplay, but it's been slow going. I edited it a ton, but I still can't get into the mood to starting writing it again.

So now I'm back to my Texas novel, and typing up the pages I wrote back in the beginning of the year. When I write things out by hand, when I retype it it's like I'm doing another edit. It's weird to read chapters I wrote back in January and February, and then type it and edit now in September. 1,144 words typed and edited so far.