So my anxiety ratcheted up on Sunday, which was bad. I managed to get myself off to see the Mayan exhibit at the Legion of Honor before it closes. The Mayan stuff is cool and so ancient. They had the cutest little statues with these adorable faces. Of course there was nothing about the Mayan calendar ending in 2012 which pepole are just obsessed about, but I guess it has nothing do with their art.

I had a really bad night on Monday. I felt so sorry myself, getting into this mess with the red-haired guy. I've been so good, trying to be so careful about who I get involved with, and I feel like I really let myself down this time all because I just wanted to have a little fun. It's so unfair because other women can have fun flirts with guys, and end it without the guy constantly calling and wanting more. I always seem to get the obsessive types who are stubborn and can't spell.

I think God is punishing me by sending me a freak so I never do this type of thing again. And I'm like, okay, okay, I learned my lesson, enough already, make him go away, I won't ever do this type of thing again, I promise.

The last time this happened, which was about 5 years, I almost lost a friendship over it. Some guy got interested in me, who as the object of my friend's crush, so I stepped aside. He was mean to me for a long time after I rejected him, but he kind of never stopped trying much to the annoyance of my friend. I don't she ever quite got over it.

Same kind of circumstance. We had partner in class for an hour, and in an hour the guy decided I was someone he wanted to get to know in a serious way. I wasn't even really that interested in him, but he was in me. I mean, he would have been a good friend and all that but that was the extent of my interest.

I swear to god, it never works for me to talk to a guy for an hour unless I'm really interested in him. It just causes so many problems. I just felt so sorry for myself last night and cried myself to sleep. I felt better when I woke up this morning, and decided to just relax. I mean, what's the worse that can happen right? And I'm a survivor, I've been through worse than this. I can take care of myself. I just hope these are my famous last words. Red-haired guy is just darn unpredictable and stubborn. He must have some Taurus in him, even though he's a Virgo. The Taurus men in my life have been famous for never getting over me ever.

If you're into cars and you're in San Francisco, go to SFMOMA. They have a beautiful 1965 jaguar car in an exhibit on Glamour. They also have a 2004 Bentley. Those cars are just so cool. They also have some couture gowns which are fun to look at. My faves were the Christian Dior and the Chanel gowns. Couture gowns are all about fabric and architecture, and you better have the perfect body to show those concepts off.

So like a bad penny that keeps showing up red-haired guy called me at my work number on Thursday. He hasn't called at that number since we first met. He is such a piece of work. I knew he was going to call back, it was jus a matter of when and sure enough he did; 29 days after we broke up.

He said he missed me and wanted to get together for some christmas cheer. God, the man is just hard to shake. I read him the riot act and told him to never call me again, and then I felt bad for doing that, so I sent him an email and said he could call but not too often. But then a friend said that was worst.

The man is just so confusing. Everything I've tried to get rid of him that would have worked on any guy has not worked. I called my boss on Friday from home because I was at an offsite meeting all day Friday and she thought I was coming back into the office. I told her what was going on and she gave me a new way to try. So I took her advice called red-haired guy's blackberry and told him.

15 minutes after I called I felt like everything was over between us, but then something in my mind shimmered and then I received the feeling that he hasn't given up yet, that he's never going to ever give up, and I think I made the situation worse somehow. It's kind of been freaking me out because I've been in such a better mood since December 9.

But this morning I decided that it doesn't matter if he calls back, I'll just figure out another way to shine him on and one day one of those ways will work and he'll be gone forever. Either he'll be gone or we're going to end up married. I don't care either way actually. If he could fix his issues, I think he'd be a good match. And if we don't end up together, I'm fine with that too because I got the feeling again this morning that I'm going to have a new love soon.

Talk about a voice from the past. I just received a call at work from a woman who attended a year-long seminar with me seven years ago. She works for a company who sponsored a webconference I attended last month. Then the woman tells me she interviewed for a couple of positions at my company. What a small, small world.

This woman gave me the best advice when we had lunch at Farralon which moved to cocktails at Postrio later. I had just taken a job at my first healthcare company and I was freaking out because I had taken a pay cut for the job, although my boss gave me a signing bonus to make up for it. I felt like I was really taking a step back in my career development paywise, industry wise, blah, blah, blah.

Terry told me sometimes a step back isn't that bad and that good things will come of it. And you know what, seven years late she was right. That move to the healthcare company turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me, and I made up for the financial set back in pay in my next job. I learned so much from that job down the Peninsula, knowledge I probably wouldn't have gained any other way.

I've actually been thinking about the lunch I had with Terry and wondering if I really took a humongous step back in my emotional development with my silly flingie with the red-haired guy. But now hearing from Terry after all these years, I'm thinking maybe not. Hopefully I did learn something which will help propel me forward into my next and hopefully better relationship. It's a sign, I think, a good sign.