I know I haven't been posting much, but I just don't feel like writing in my blog these days. I'm not doing any kind of writing at all, so it's not just my blog. It's been a strange month. It feels like I made a ton of spiritual progress, which has sadly shaken my core beliefs about who I am and what I need to make me happy.

I've had the feeling this month, which I only felt once before in my life, that I don't really know who I am anymore. It is not a very pleasant feeling. I think I would have been more frightened by these feelings, had I not experienced them before. My friend S is convinced that my health has been so poor lately because all these new revelations about myself has shaken my being to such depths, that it has affected my health.

I shall have to write more about this when I've processed it all. I think I am just now processing my break-up with M-Square to where I can talk about it rationally to my friends without inventing a story or making an excuse for what happened.

And I think the universe, just to make it really clear to me that my world is being turned upside down, sent me a clear message today. One of my favorite pastimes is to shop in Victoria's Secret. They are the only underwear stores that I've been able to find that sells decent cotton underwears and bras. So I walk to VC today and I notice that all their cotton bras are gone. The cotton undies are still there, but not the cotton bras. Of course you can still buy them online, but not in the store anymore. Can you tell my world is like seriously changing? It is to me when I can't shop in any Victoria's Secret store anymore.

The world is turning into a plastic polyster nightmare! Even Lands End is giving in to plastic clothes and hardly selling anything 100% cotton or other natural fabrics. It is beyond my comprehension why people would want to wear plastic bags around their body, because that is what you do when you wear polyester. Yes, poly folly does not wrinkle and is easy to take care of, but it also traps smells and is ghastly uncomfortable when it's hot.

I mean, why would any woman want to wear plastic undies and plastic bras unless they like underwear that will stink and make them sweat. So scary! No wonder men complain about certain odors when doing certain intimate acts - it's the chick's undies!

I saw "The Da Vinci Code" last night and loved the movie. It's not the book, but I thought Akiva Goldsman did an excellent job of translating the book into a movie. Even if you haven't read the book, you still the get fundamental story.

There were so many things that Ron Howard added visually which enhanced the book. My friend and I think that the critics hated it, because let's face it, the critics hate anything to do with spirituality. The critics hated "The Passion", and that was definitely an excellent movie and Mel Gibson made his money back and a ton more. Hollywood critics will never love a movie that has anything to do with Jesus.

Just because the critics hated the movie, I think people who read the book will still be interested in watching a movie made from the book just to see what was left in and what was left out.

My friend and I thought that some parts of the movie were very, very moving. And I think that if your faith is shaken by this fictional work, then your faith wasn't very strong to begin with because it's not like any of this information is very, very new. The filmmakers made it clear that no matter what you think Jesus did or didn't do, you cannot deny that he was an amazing spiritual master who changed the world for the better.

I give the movie a B+. "The Passion" is still my favourite modern Jesus movie after "The Last Temptation of Christ", but "The Da Vinci Code" is definitely worth seeing.

My money market account interest rate at my credit union is so far below what other banks are offering, I took about 2/3 of the money out and put it into one of those competitive money market accounts paying over 4%. Okay, the rate is not great but I need the fund to be as liquid as possible and still make a little money.

My friend said a CD isn't a bad way to go for since I rarely touch the money in my money market now, but I don't know. I just don't like the idea of my money being locked away from me for any amount of time.

What little money I have, I want to have access to sadly 24/7. This new money market fund comes with checks and an ATM with no charges too!

Thank god my gold and oil funds have doubled since I bought them last year. I am hoping oil goes to a $100 a barrel and gold goes up to $1,000 an ounce. I know this is bad because if oil goes to $100 a barrel, our economy will seriously be up the creek without much of a paddle.

I don't buy that many groceries, but I have been noticing these last few months that shopping at Trader Joe's is now becoming very, very expensive, almost as expensive as Whole Paycheck. I don't know how people are coping if their financial situation is already stretched. And gas is way out of control. I am so glad I don't drive to work anymore. I always picked up gas at a Costco out the city anyway, which retails gas about $0.20 below San Francisco and about $0.10 below the gas price in the area the store is located.

And yes, I am happy that I am used to being a vegetarian because buying food if you're a vegetarian is a hell of a lot cheaper than buying food if you're not. I'm used to eating like a poor vegetarian person who's always on a diet; it's been my MO since I was 19 years old. Going back to eating protein has only been a recent thing. It's probably good I don't drink very much now as well, since drinking adds up. I have an amazingly well-stocked liqour cabinet anway, so it's not like I need to ever buy the stuff for another year or two.

Clothes and anti-aging products like vitamins are my money drainers, and books too! Especially clothes that are on sale as I can't resist a sale; I think it's a genetic thing. And I hate not feeling good and not feeling healthy, and any amount of money is so worth spending to always feel like you're doing the latest and greatest to feel good and be healthy. I'm not sure how this attitude jives with my inability to keep my weight at a reasonable level, since being fat is not healthy. Perhaps it could have something to do wtih the fact that purchaseing another vitamin is so much more pleasurable than denying myself a large McDonald's french fries when I'm cranky and tired.

Just my luck! The first time I decide I actually needed to vote for someone on "American Idol", Chris the cool alternative rock guy, my nominee gets booted off. I think the chick should be have been booted off.

My prediction is it will be either be Elliot or Taylor. Elliot has a great voice, but Taylor is like the typical band singer guy you always see in small and dark bars. I think people would love to see a guy like that get a chance to make it big.