I'm in the trenches trying to fight off an impending flu. My boss had it, went on anti-biotics for 10 days which didn't help, and now she thinks she has pneumonia. This is bad.
Not to mention my anxiety level is at an all-time high, and I wake up every morning feeling anxious as all heck. Waves of anxiety hit me like a pulse wave hitting my protective shield. I get a little shiver in an appendage, and if it gets really bad like it is now, I get a horrible feeling in my stomach. Today I have an added symptom because I'm starting to grind my teeth at work. I can feel my jaw quivering like crazy, and I only get like this if I'm really stressed out.
The breakup with red-haired guy is not going well. He does not want to break up ever, and it's becoming a problem. And no, I don't think friendship is a good alternative for us and I've only ever said this to one other guy. I honestly didn't think I would ever have to go through this again either.
It's my karma to attract obsessive crazies!
Monday, October 18, 2004
Saturday, October 16, 2004
I haven't thought about my Elf Girl Chronicles story in a long time, but I got this bit this morning as I waiting for the bus to go to my acupuncture appointment. I've been trying to figure out how the war started between non-human realms and the humans, and this is the reason.
*************
The reason the Elfin war with the humans started ...
I had a brother, a younger brother. I was seven when he was born. He was the son my parents always wanted, prayed for. He would be heir to my father's throne. He would be king, and I would be high priestess and share the duty of running our kingdom, just as my father and his brother my uncle had done.
I helped me to raise him, and I loved him as if he were my own. When I left for school I was heartbroken to leave him, as I felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind.
Little did I know then what role he would play in the destruction of our world, our kingdom, our people, and our realm. It was his death that would start the war. My uncle had persuaded father to sacrifice my brother to appease triumverate of evil. in truth, my brother's death was to show the triumverate our loyalty to their cause, but I'm sure my father had known none of this. If he did, I'm sure he would not have agreed to sacrifice his only heir, his only son, his royal progeny.
No, my father thought he was doing the right thing, thought he would appease the triumverate and avert more killings, more bloodshed, avert the harm that he thought would come to our people.
Blood sacrifice was a human ritual, such barbarism did not exist in our realm or any other non-human realm until the humans came and tried to take over the kingdom.
But my father, and especially my uncle, had not calculated the ripple effect of their blood sacrifice. Instead of appeasement, the triumverate then demanded that the king of each realm sacrifice one of their children to them.
It was then we knew, that the systematic destruction of our people, our realm, our kingdom, our people would not stop.
The fragile alliance that my father had built between himself and other kings throughout the land dissolved. They other kings abandoned my father, and he and my uncle became prisoners. And age 15 I became the defacto ruler of my kingdom. I had no choice then, I had to to fight. I had to lead what was left of my father's army, I had to avenge my brother's death.
I left school then and took what little knowledge I had learned in the two years of school about my burgeoning powers and use them to fight, to fight for our family, our honour, our people and our kingdom.
And my poor brother, perhaps he was lucky to die before the war started. Perhaps he was lucky that he was not witness the destruction and degradation that would happen to our world. He did not live to see our people enslaved, he did not live to see our beloved mother and father tortured and hung high above the castle walls for everyone to see and to serve as a warning to all those who chose to disobey the triumverate.
He did not leave to see what I had to become, what I was forced to become, an avenging killing angel,who killed in his name, in his honour, until I was hunted down and finally captured, and tortured and then enslaved, and then changed never to become or be born again into an elfin incarnation, but to always be born an imperfect human.
************
I didn't know until today that my elf girl character had a younger brother, but of course as I was writing it it all made sense. There had to be legitimate reason why the war started, and why not a blood sacrific of a child, which echoes Abraham sacrificing Isaac to his god, and then god sending his only Jesus Christ as a sacrifice to die for our sins.
But in Abraham's time, the God of Israel halted Abraham from killing Isaace, and JC died to save us from sin and to give us eternal life. But my poor royal elf boy's death will cause the ultimate destruction of the kingdom and world that he was to inherit. And somehow there is something very fitting in echoing the sacrific of the male heir and child, but twisting the outcome a bit.
*************
The reason the Elfin war with the humans started ...
I had a brother, a younger brother. I was seven when he was born. He was the son my parents always wanted, prayed for. He would be heir to my father's throne. He would be king, and I would be high priestess and share the duty of running our kingdom, just as my father and his brother my uncle had done.
I helped me to raise him, and I loved him as if he were my own. When I left for school I was heartbroken to leave him, as I felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind.
Little did I know then what role he would play in the destruction of our world, our kingdom, our people, and our realm. It was his death that would start the war. My uncle had persuaded father to sacrifice my brother to appease triumverate of evil. in truth, my brother's death was to show the triumverate our loyalty to their cause, but I'm sure my father had known none of this. If he did, I'm sure he would not have agreed to sacrifice his only heir, his only son, his royal progeny.
No, my father thought he was doing the right thing, thought he would appease the triumverate and avert more killings, more bloodshed, avert the harm that he thought would come to our people.
Blood sacrifice was a human ritual, such barbarism did not exist in our realm or any other non-human realm until the humans came and tried to take over the kingdom.
But my father, and especially my uncle, had not calculated the ripple effect of their blood sacrifice. Instead of appeasement, the triumverate then demanded that the king of each realm sacrifice one of their children to them.
It was then we knew, that the systematic destruction of our people, our realm, our kingdom, our people would not stop.
The fragile alliance that my father had built between himself and other kings throughout the land dissolved. They other kings abandoned my father, and he and my uncle became prisoners. And age 15 I became the defacto ruler of my kingdom. I had no choice then, I had to to fight. I had to lead what was left of my father's army, I had to avenge my brother's death.
I left school then and took what little knowledge I had learned in the two years of school about my burgeoning powers and use them to fight, to fight for our family, our honour, our people and our kingdom.
And my poor brother, perhaps he was lucky to die before the war started. Perhaps he was lucky that he was not witness the destruction and degradation that would happen to our world. He did not live to see our people enslaved, he did not live to see our beloved mother and father tortured and hung high above the castle walls for everyone to see and to serve as a warning to all those who chose to disobey the triumverate.
He did not leave to see what I had to become, what I was forced to become, an avenging killing angel,who killed in his name, in his honour, until I was hunted down and finally captured, and tortured and then enslaved, and then changed never to become or be born again into an elfin incarnation, but to always be born an imperfect human.
************
I didn't know until today that my elf girl character had a younger brother, but of course as I was writing it it all made sense. There had to be legitimate reason why the war started, and why not a blood sacrific of a child, which echoes Abraham sacrificing Isaac to his god, and then god sending his only Jesus Christ as a sacrifice to die for our sins.
But in Abraham's time, the God of Israel halted Abraham from killing Isaace, and JC died to save us from sin and to give us eternal life. But my poor royal elf boy's death will cause the ultimate destruction of the kingdom and world that he was to inherit. And somehow there is something very fitting in echoing the sacrific of the male heir and child, but twisting the outcome a bit.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
So the presidential debates are over, and this is where the "real election" starts. This is where the rubber hits the road, and both parties must rally the base and the troops. And what the average voter who doesn't understand very much about the voting process in this country doesn't realize is the person who wins the election, as in any war, is the person with the most troops on the ground is the one who wins.
And if the 2000 election is any indication of the strength of the GOP vs. DNC, and how the Gore had no troops on the ground in Florida to tell him what was going on, then well, expect the person in the White House to remain the same.
The DNC is so fractured, with the party splitting off with the Greens and other alternative parties, that their ground troops base in all states are weak and ineffectual at best. All elections are local. Case in point. The Democratic party had to fight the Greens off during the last mayoral election in San Francisco, where one would think the Demos have a hell of foothold. So much for the strength of the democrats. You don't hear about the republicans having to fight off splitoffs from their party in local elections, do you?
And if the 2000 election is any indication of the strength of the GOP vs. DNC, and how the Gore had no troops on the ground in Florida to tell him what was going on, then well, expect the person in the White House to remain the same.
The DNC is so fractured, with the party splitting off with the Greens and other alternative parties, that their ground troops base in all states are weak and ineffectual at best. All elections are local. Case in point. The Democratic party had to fight the Greens off during the last mayoral election in San Francisco, where one would think the Demos have a hell of foothold. So much for the strength of the democrats. You don't hear about the republicans having to fight off splitoffs from their party in local elections, do you?
Monday, October 11, 2004
It was strange to read in the news this morning that baseball great Ken Caminiti died. I remember hearing him in an interview on the Jim Rome radio show "The Jungle" just a few months ago. The guy was too young to die at 41 years old, but he did have problems.
Christopher Reeve dying was not shocking but sad. It was difficult for me to look at him whenever he was on TV; he just looked so "immobile". Was it relief for him that he died and for his family? The man was barely functional, although he did many good things in his altered state.
All my astrology website are saying that there's a solar eclipse on the October 13, and it's about about karma. Mine has been unusually good until now. I like to believe that I've lived a charmed life so far, and that I haven't been exposed to very many bad people. But the problem with leading a charmed life is I'm so unaware how many completely jerky people there are in this world.
Most people I've met have been so honorable, so full of integrity, that when I run across world-class jerk it's so shocking to me. Plus I have no coping skills to deal with people who aren't honest and honorable. These kinds of people don't exist in my world. Or maybe they always did, but I've managed to avoid them like the plague. But every charmed girl's luck has to run out sometime doesn't it? And mine has definitely run out these last few months.
Friends have told it's just life, that there are all kinds of people in this world and I've just been lucky and fortunate in never having to deal with worst kinds of people. But this charmed girl hates the "real world" life, and wants to go back to the world where people are all nice, honorable and truthful.
Christopher Reeve dying was not shocking but sad. It was difficult for me to look at him whenever he was on TV; he just looked so "immobile". Was it relief for him that he died and for his family? The man was barely functional, although he did many good things in his altered state.
All my astrology website are saying that there's a solar eclipse on the October 13, and it's about about karma. Mine has been unusually good until now. I like to believe that I've lived a charmed life so far, and that I haven't been exposed to very many bad people. But the problem with leading a charmed life is I'm so unaware how many completely jerky people there are in this world.
Most people I've met have been so honorable, so full of integrity, that when I run across world-class jerk it's so shocking to me. Plus I have no coping skills to deal with people who aren't honest and honorable. These kinds of people don't exist in my world. Or maybe they always did, but I've managed to avoid them like the plague. But every charmed girl's luck has to run out sometime doesn't it? And mine has definitely run out these last few months.
Friends have told it's just life, that there are all kinds of people in this world and I've just been lucky and fortunate in never having to deal with worst kinds of people. But this charmed girl hates the "real world" life, and wants to go back to the world where people are all nice, honorable and truthful.
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