A coworker told me on the elevator on Friday night that it's been a rough week for a lot people. Not me I thought. I've been writing every day since December 31, which is 8 days in a row for me. I haven't done that on my own since I was doing the Nanowrimo back in 2003. I worked four days this week, and would have made it five except the gym was closed on Wednesday due to a power outage. And I have the feeling 2005 is going to be a banner year for me with regards to my writing.

But then reality intruded in my world when I was coming from the gym last night. A man passed out on the second Muni train of the two-car train I was riding. A woman on the train told me that the man had told her that he had taken a bunch of anti-depressants, and then she watched him lose consciousness before her eyes. One of the other passenger called 911 and she came up to my train to tell the driver. And so we had to wait there till the ambulance came to get him. The man who said he overdosed managed to wake up and walk into the ambulance.

I think there is some weird vibrational stuff going on in the world right now. I feel especially protected right now, like there's a gold bubble of light around me and it feels like god has me in the palm of his hands and is protecting me. It's a weird feeling, and something I haven't felt since 2003 after my grandma died. I felt very protected, loved and blessed then.

I'm happy again, and I guess that's all that matters. I still think about the red-haird guy a bit, and I'm pretty sure I haven't heard the last of him, but I'm okay with that. I've decided not to worry about till I have to cross that bridge, because I can't control his actions anyway and only have control over my own actions.

I just wish this rain would go away only because it's so cold. But we need the rain because of the drought everyone was speculating about. Hopefully the rain will alleviate our water problems.

These are my writing accomplishments for 2004. Sadly, there's not much here.

Took a science fiction writing class
Took a class on screenwriting from Michael Hague
Took a class on screenwriting and Aristotle’s poetics
Attended a screenwriting conference in Los Angeles
Published 4 times on the internet on www.sfist.com
Started a new novel called "Changing Timelines"
Started a short story called "From LAX to Oakland"
Started a short story called "Confessions of Chocolate Shiksa Goddess"
Started a short story called "Diary of a Robotic Sex Worker"
Started a short called "The Novel Life"
Wrote two chapters (chapters 8 & 9) for "Texas is a State of Mind" and typed them up
Started on chapter 10 for "Texas is a State of Mind"
Edited Chapters 1-3 for "Texas is a State of Mind"
Started a rewrite on Chapter 1 for "Texas is a State of Mind"
Started a new novel called "The Dwarf who heard voices"
Type up notes for "The Unsettler"
Typed up the short story "The Blue Haired Buddha on Union Street"
Redid the outline for "Spooning with my mother"
Took two film history classes
Edited my screenplay "Going Home Again"
Bought two DVDs on writing from Michael Hague
Signed for class on getting published from Learning Annex to be taken on January 12
Signed for Karl Iglesias’s “Mastering the Habits of Highly Effective Writers” to start on January 3

I've actually had quite a good week so far, except for some bad moodiness about my job.

On Wednedsay my group had a team luncheon, and I walked out of the meeting in such a bad mood. Sometimes I feel so unenthusiastic in my job, especially when I hear the enthusiasm of other members of my group for their job. I don't know if they're just better at faking it than me or if they really, really like what they're doing.

This job I have is just a job. It's not a career, it's not something I'm that passionate about and its basic function in my life is to give me a way to pay my bills. I'm not into career advancement at this company, I'm not looking to add any more responsibility for myself, and I definitely have no desire to play the climb the corporate ladder game. Of course, I want to make more money, I mean who doesn't? But I'm not willing to put the time and energy required to do it in this job.

But then again, it sure would be nice to make more money.

I hate when I get like this, when I start to question the career choices I've made with my life, but it always comes up for me only because I used to be the corporate ladder climbing type whose identity pretty much revolved around my job, how much I made and my upward job trajectory at my company. But I'm trying not to be like this anymore. I've made career choices in the last four years so I can have more time to write.

But maybe I'm just more the competitive type than I ever want to admit to myself. It's not like work and career was the only arena of my life I used to "strive" in. I've been a "striver" in any of the churches I've joined, wanting to get into positions of prestige and power. Sick isn't it? I was in a year-long growth and development seminar where you were graded, and I was "striving" to always get an "A". And it's not like I take classes for fun either and can be satisfied with a B or a C grade. I make an effort to get the "A" grade, and I get it 99.9% of the time.

I wish I could transfer more of my "striving ambitions" to my writing. I haven't yet because writing is like an "art" for me, and how do you grade art. But I think I'm going to have do it if only to ease some the sense of constant dissatisfaction that runs like a through-line in my life. I guess I'm one of those people who can't really be happy if they're not always trying to achieve in life. And I just hate having to admit that I might be an over-achiever. I hate over-achievers!

Here's my list of the movies I saw in 2004 - 108 in all. Many of the movies I saw came from the two film history classes I took last year. No wonder I don't have time for a relationship!

A Movie by Bruce Conner
A Trip to the Moon
Alex and Emma
Ali: Fear eats the soul
All About My Mother
Audition
Band of Brothers Vol 1
Band of Brothers Vol 2
Bed and Sofa
Big Fish
Billy Elliot
Birth of a Nation
Bonnie and Clyde
Butch Cassidy amd the Sundance Kid
Captain Corelli's Mandolin
Chinatown
Citizen Kane
City of Lost Children
Closer
Cold Mountain
Double Indemnity
Enemy at the Gates
Enigma
Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
Finding Nemo
Frida
Grand Illusion
Hardball
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azbakan
Hidalgo
His Girl Friday
Hollywood Homicide
House of Sand and Fog
How Green was my valley
Ikiru
Innocence
It Happened One Night
Kill Bill Vol 2
Killing Me Soflty
Left Behind: The Movie
Love Actually
M by Fritz Lang
Marius
Master and Commander
Meet John Doe
Metallica: Some Kind of Monster
Mr Smith Goes to Washington
Mystic River
On the Waterfront
Open City
Abre los ojos (Open Your Eyes)
Pather Panchali
Paycheck
Personal Velocity
Princess Diaries
Rear Window
Règle du jeu, La aka The Rules of the Game
Ringu
Samurai Fiction
Seabiscuit
Secretary
Shrek 2
Spider Man 2
Spring Summer Fall Winter
Stagecoach
Steamboat Bill Jr
Stranger than Paradise
The 39 Steps
The 400 Blows
The Big Fish
The Blair Witch Project
The Butterfly Effect
The Chronicles of Riddick
The Crowd
The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys
The Day After Tomorrow
The Great Train Robbery
The Italian Bicycle Thief
The Kid
The Lady Vanishes
The Last Laugh
The Last Sumurai
The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
The Manchurian Candidate
The Notebook
The Order
The Passion of the Christ
The Sea is Watching
The Third Man
The Twillight Sumarai
The Umbrellas of Cherbourg
This is spinal tap
Throne of Blood
Timeline
Tokyo Story
Troy
Twilight samurai
Un Chien Andalou
Under the Tuscan Sun
Vanilla Sky
Wild Strawberries
Yi Yi
Zatoichi: The Blind Swordsman Part 1
Zatoichi Part 2
Zatoichi Part 3
Zatoichi Part 4
Zatoichi Part 5
Zatoichi Part 6