I saw my friend Marilyn tonight and her husband Warren. They are such nice people. Marilyn wants me to attend this growth and development course in Florida in December. I would love to do it, but as always money is a big concern. The course itself is $3,000, and I'll also need money for airfare to Florida and for the hotel.

I know it would be such a great course to take and it feels like it's next step in my development but it's hard to think of spending that amount of money right now when the economy is so shaky. I have so many friends who are unemployed and who tell me the job market out here is really bad; there are just no jobs right now.

On the way home from West Virginia, I met a couple with two kids who also lived in San Francisco. They both worked for United Airlines and they told me that they were worried about their jobs and the state of the economy. I told them I thought our economy would recover, but it was going to take longer than what people expected. I think of that conversation I had with them now that United Airlines has said they might have to go into bankruptcy. I feel bad about that nice couple with their two darling children and thinking about them both out of work, especially here in San Francisco, which is the most expensive city in the country to live in.

Personally, I think United Airlines made that announcement so they would get the loan guarantees that they applied for from the government and I think they were right to take that strategy. Sure it's a scare tactic, but if United Airlines has massive layoffs because of bankruptcy then the country as a whole will be in a whole mess of trouble.

I know taking Marilyn's course would be good for me because I know I have alot of beliefs that are stopping me from getting what I want in life. Like take finding the man of my dreams. I have this thing where I don't want to be with someone who's more enlightened and aware than I am. This belief is so stupid. Screenwriting marina hottie boy is a prime example. The boy is beautiful and totally perfect or so I thought. I even thought he was my Krishna for awhile. But when I got to know him better, I was so wrong. The guy is kind of depressed alot and is really scattered and runs from one emergency to the next. Being with someone like him would be such a nightmare for me. He's way too unstable and wild. Plus, he's one of those types who says he'll do something and then never does it. That kind of behaviour would totally drive me insane and it's way to stressful I think, to live with someone who can't keep their promises on the littlest of things. I thought he was so much more developed and enlightened and it was so damned disappointing to find out he was kind of a loser, at least in my eyes.

I mean, probably to every other woman on the planet, this guy is the bomb. And I know he has no trouble getting women. But I can't be with a guy who's not happy with his life or himself. I'm basically a happy and sunny person, who gets things done, most of the time. It would kill me to partner up with some guy who was depressed and morose and couldn't get anything done to save his own life, let alone mine.

I think that if screenwriting marina hottie boy were more enlightened and aware, he wouldn't so damned depressed and flakey about everything. Maybe if I got rid of my belief that I don't want to be with someone who's more enlightened and aware than I am, then I might actually meet a happy and charming guy, who gets things done, who's stable and steady, is way fun to be with, is cuter than heck and does yoga.

I'm listening to an interview with Dennis McNally, who wrote a history of The Grateful Dead. He said Senator Patrick Leahy from Vermont is a deadhead and so is Bill Walton.

I like The Dead, but I'm not a deadhead. I like their music and I've been to their concerts, but that's about it. I liked their concerts because it was so entertaining from the village scene outside, to all people on drugs, to the oldsters sitting and just watching it all, the families with all of their kids, and who can forget the veggie black bean burritos and giant chocolate chiop cookies that they used to sell after the concerts. Plus I did really like the music and dancing to it too.

The girls at dead concerts were so pretty and young. Too bad the majority of the men were just scruffy, not very attractive and just looking like they were way too wasted. It was laughable really, all those beautiful young nubile chicks and all those really old looking scruffy men. I gave up finding the man of my dreams at a Dead concert a long time ago and just went to be with friends and enjoy the music. I wonder what all those Deadheads are doing now for their music fix.

A band made of the rest of the Dead plus other people are touring now. They call themselves "The Other Ones". I'm sure it would be fun to go, but when I went to a concert with the rest of the Dead and Bruce Hornsby, it just wasn't the same without Jerry.

This is interesting. The senior vice president of business development and network operations for my company left me a message asking to meet with me when flies out here the week of August 26. I've only ever talked to to this guy on the phone, since he works out of our Pittsburgh office. I wonder what he wants. He said our president, whom my boss says is a tight-fisted freak, wants him to discuss the client projects that I've been working on. Great. What does this mean for my job?

It's all my boss' fault. Since he and his wife had another baby, he decided to only work part-time because his wife makes more than him when she works full-time and she wanted to go back to working full-time. So now I'm reporting directly to the CIO, which is okay since we have a good relationship, but what does it mean for my job. I hate changes at work. Whenever there's a change, it's like the suits take it as green light to make changes in the organization. I hate that.

I've been so comfortable here at this job and the job market is so bad out here now. Honestly I don't think my job will change that much. My projects are in demand by our clients, so they can't get rid of me. But they can make my work life less comfortable, and that's what I'm afraid of.

I guess change at work is inevitable. I've stayed longer at this job than I've stayed at any job since 1997, which I thought was a good thing, but maybe not. Maybe I've gotten too comfortable and I'm now afraid of change. When I was changing job every 18 months, I wasn't afraid of change, I was used to it. I've definitely gotten too comfortable here.

Wow, the commenting thing is so cool. Thanks to all who leave comments, because they're all so helpful.

So now I have a suggestion of how to add images to my bloggie, but now I'll have to figure what to add. I'm thinking the most fun thing to do is go through my own collection of photos and see if there's anything in there that would be fun to see on my blog. The first picture that comes to mind is the picture I took of wellies from London. I love my silly green shoes. I wish wearing Laura Ashley dresses with wellies was still fashionable, because I might just wear that look again. Okay, so I haven't worn any Laura Ashley in years because it's just not my style anymore, but it was a cute look.

Speaking of fashion tastes changing. I don't know if it's me or Nordstrom, but I so do not like their clothes anymore. I used to buy the majority of my clothes at Nordstrom. I couldn't walk into that store without spending a ton of money. But now it's a different story. When I was in Nordstrom on Monday and I left without buying anything. Nothing appealed to me. It's really sad, I think. I think I still wear the same kind of clothes I've worn when I used to buy all my clothes there. In fact, I pretty much wear the same type of clothes I wore in college, which I know is another issue altogether. What has happened to Nordstrom? Or is it me and I'm just growing old and not caring about my fashion sense anymore?

I try to keep up. I went on shoe shopping expedition last year to find comfortable shoes with two inch heels and ended up with two pairs of dress and two pairs of casual shoes. I can't wear shoes unless the heels are 1.5 inches and up. I seriously hate flat heeled shoes. They make me feel like I'm wearing old lady shoes and it freaks me out. And what about my trendy turqouise jewelry that I shopped all over the SF Bay Area for in July?

I don't wear up to the minute trendy wendy clothes; I never have. God, I finally broke down and bought a pair of cropped pants while I was in LA and I only bought them beacuse they were on sale for $18 and were in black linen and I've been wanting some new linen pants.

Maybe Nordstrom is too hip and trendy for me, like the Gap. Now there's another store I can't shop in anymore because I hate their clothes. And what's up with peasant clothes. Okay, I know the whole peasant look is in, but god it's so retro. I never liked the style when it in, whenever that was and I'm certainly not a fan of it now. Plus, most of the new clothes is made of polyester and I hate wearing polyester. Polyester traps smell and every time I wear a polyester piece of clothing, I feel like I'm wearing a stinky polyester bag on my butt. Yikes!!!

I'll have to figure the fashion thing out because it's bugging me and I'm a hankering to change my look. It's been awhile since I've updated my look, but it feel like it's about time to do it again. And my goal for a wardrobe update is "I want to look expensive and I want to look like a lady who lunches." I won't give up my baggier than baggy embroidered jean overalls that I bought for less than $20 at Target because well, that's my weekend slob around town look. But I think I need to look a little more coordinated, never mind that I've never looked coordinated in my life. I just want to look that way just to see what it's like.