I am posting my hula Barbie picture here, so I can store it on my blog.

I love watching the USA show "Monk". Monk is so funny and I so relate to him because he is so very strange. I know what it's like to be weird but still respected because you're smart.

There was an episode on Monk where he had to infiltrate an office. People in the office started liking him, and it was so poignant because you could tell that this was the first time Monk ever felt accepted by people. Then of course, Monk being Monk, it didn't last and in the end the office people thought he was weird and things were back to normal for him.

I am so having a Monk experience at my job. I heard the secretary who was promoted to an analyst whisper loudly to the summer intern "don't talk so loud, Brenda is here." I am such a freak at my office. I know I shouldn't care because I deliberately don't hang out with the office crowd, but for whatever reason it still hurts. I wish it didn't hurt and I thought I was too old for it to matter, but you know it still hurts and I'm like thinking "JC, why have you abandoned me?"

Okay, I know I am being dramatic but that's what I feel like right now. I know it's all my fault because I don't hang out and I don't gossip, and I'm one of those office workers who keeps to themselves and don't really hang with people in my group, but other than that, I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment. It's not like I snitch on people like the other people in my group, who are the biggest gossips and snitches I've ever come across in any office.

People in my group act like they're still in junior high or high school and it's like some popularity thing at work. I have not come across such clickish behaviour in an office in such a long time. It's like totally alien to me. I wish I could be like the two other women in my office who don't hang out and don't care, and are senior managers. But I'm not a senior manager and I guess some part of me does care.

Honestly, I have never worked in such an immature office before. I'm like, I used to be really well liked in other departments at other companies I've worked for, but not this one. I hear gossip about our group all the time, about how we're so strange. We are a strange group! I thought the new director would change our group dynamic, but I think it's gotten worse.

I have to get out of my job. I spoke to this guy in another division in muy company on Friday about an open position that he has, but the timing for me to move into his group will not be right until September. If I have to work with people, I want to work for someone who recognizes me and likes me and this guy so does. We can talk for hours and hours about healthcare and its problems. He treats me better than anyone in my current department. Sad isn't it?

I don't know why I feel so sorry for myself right now about my working situation, but I do. But you know, it's always like this before I make a change in my life. Before I moved apartment, things got really bad and I started to hate living in my old place. Before I change any job, things get really bad. It's almost as if the universe is pushing me out the door and moving on to my next step in my life. Things get so bad that when I do move, I have no regrets. It's an odd way to move on to your next step in life, but one that is probably necessary for me because I'm the type who tends to get rooted very quickly. It takes alot for me move one and things have to get really bad before I even consider. Once I make up my mind though to move one, then things happen pretty quickly for me whether I'm ready for it or not.

I expect the same thing to happen now. I am so ready for a new job that I know things will start to happen very quickly so I can get out of my current situation. I've been thinking for about a couple of months now that I will not be in my job for the whole month of July.

When I first had this thought, I was so confused! I wasn't actively looking for a job and things weren't so bad. But as the month of June has progressed, my job and my attitude towards it have gotten progressively worse. Things have gotten so bad that I want out of my job at any cost! God, I hope something happens soon! I don't know how much I can take my job anymore. I hate not fitting in and having people talk about me like how our ex-secretary spoke about me today. I'm like what the hell did I do to deserve this?

I think M-Square is sick or something. I haven't spoken to him since we broke up but I can still pick things up from him, and I get that he is really sick. I have no idea what's wrong with him, and part of me wants to call and ask but I know that would not be a good thing.

The man obviously did not want me in his life anymore and for once I'm going to heed my friends' advice and not beg him to take me back. S0 many good things have happened to me since we broke up anyway, things I know wouldn't have happened had we still been together. So I am in the firm belief that it was all for the best that our relationship fizzled out.

This is so creepy! I was reading the headlines on SFGate.com when I see the name Darren Mack refusing to surrender in Mexico, and I'm like I know that name. Around 10 or so years ago, I took a Communications course from a guy named Darren Mack. He was dating someone named Charla, who also worked for the organization giving the course. I even saw Charla one night, and she had this stop you dead in your tracks diamond engagement ring on her finger. Darren said that Charla was the perfect woman for him. He also told the class that he was going through some terrible child custody court case with his first wife and their two kids.

I wasn't sure it was the same guy until I saw his picture, and it was him. How freaky! He was a very intense guy, and we kind of had a little run in on a conference call once. I had to hug him once after a seminar just because everyone was doing it, and I don't know ... it was very awkward ... I gave him a hug anyway but it was so awkward. He kind of creeped me out for whatever reason. No one else I knew was freaked out by him, but I was. I read in another news article that he and Charla left the organization I was taking classes from back in 2002. I stopped taking courses from that place in 1998.

Now Charla is dead, stabbed by Darren and he is being hunted by the police. Wow! You never know what people are capable of, until you read about them in the news or see them on TV wanted for murder.

This quote is from an article in the LA Times that came out on June 14 on A Wok With Jesus: Saving Souls in Chinese Kitchens: Thousands of Chinese kitchen workers live on the margins. A former restaurant owner tends to a subculture most Americans never see.

"Nationwide, more than 1 million immigrants work in 41,350 Chinese restaurants — from mom-and-pop takeouts to mammoth buffet enterprises employing hundreds, according to the Fremont, Calif.-based Chinese Restaurant News.Though many restaurants hire non-Asian workers, Lou's ministry concentrates on the Chinese — the people she knows best.It's a subculture hidden from most Americans. Speaking little or no English, many Chinese immigrants must settle for dispiriting kitchen work — laboring 12 hours a day, seven days a week.Many, here illegally, have no access to labor unions or social service networks. They live in cramped restaurant-owned dormitories or in rented garages without cooking facilities, bathrooms or running water.To cope with their harsh living conditions and mind-numbingly mundane work, many fall prey to gambling, drugs, alcohol and prostitution.Among the worn wooden chopping boards and flashing meat cleavers, hissing deep-fryers and walk-in freezers, the desire for a higher calling is fierce.

"In every kitchen, there's always the same tired old man hiding in the corner near the stove that is his life," Lou said. People in the restaurant business acknowledge a regimen called going "from the pillow to the stove," with no other life. Sadly, it's true," said Betty Xie, editor in chief of the Chinese Restaurant News. "Workers are lonely. They came from far away and don't have family with them. With no English skills, they don't have any choices."They're trapped by the restaurant life. They see no hope."

The phrase I red-fonted just brings tears to my eyes ... I don't know. Somehow I so relate to this image of the old man hiding in the corner. I feel like this in my job right now. My job is not my life, but I am so unhappy at my current job. It hasn't felt like home for these last years, and I keep getting distracted from leaving. It's all been for the best I know. There were lessons I needed to learn, people that I needed to meet, but I had such high hopes for this job that it was going to be a place where I could stay for awhile.

I know I need to give up this hope of ever being at home in job, and that my true job, my true life purpose is to focus on creative writing and not my job business writing of drafting a quality update for a regional medical directors meeting.

I"m listening to New Releases on Yahoo Music, and these are the songs that have caught my ear:

Through Glass by Stone Sour
In the Beginning by The Still
Beautiful by Nick Lachey
Leave the Pieces by The Wreckers
I need you love to love me by Barlowgirl

I was reading this on a chatboard I belong to and I think I fit into this "box".

Newsweek - June 5, 2006 issue

It's a Lohasian moment. The term for these 21st-century New Agers derives from an acronym created by marketers on the West Coast—LOHAS, as in Lifestyles of Health and Sustainability. The movie "The Celestine Prophecy" is opening, based on the 1993 book that may be the most popular alternative-spirituality book of the past few decades. Next comes the film version of Dan Millman's book "Way of the Peaceful Warrior," about a lost young gymnast who is guided through a mystical transformation by a wise mentor. And Al Gore's movie on global warming, "An Inconvenient Truth," is bound to be popular with the ecologically minded Lohasians. LOHAS consumers (or Lohasians, as they're called at Beliefnet) represent 17 percent of the U.S. population, according to a report released by the Natural Marketing Institute at a LOHAS conference held in April in Santa Monica, Calif. The study said Lohasians are "dedicated to personal and planetary health." Seventy-three percent buy recycled-paper goods, and 71 percent buy natural or organic "personal care" products. They pay more to get foods without pesticides and want their cars fuel-efficient. Among the products and services offered at the conference this year were detoxifying pine oil, organic body lotion, ecofriendly spas and recycled-cashmere sweaters. A decade ago, one attendee said, the conference vendor room offered only "broccoli and tomatoes."Lohasians shop just as widely for spiritual practices. From Buddhism: meditation and admiration of "nothingness." From Hinduism: yoga, gurus, color and chanting. From paganism: an emphasis on honoring nature. From Asian cultures: feng shui and acupuncture. Lohasians devour heaping doses of Western psychotherapy, plus the ideas of the recovery movement ("one day at a time"). They identify as "spiritual, not religious," and many believe in "synchronicity" or "meaningful coincidences" that might be guided by a spirit world. Does this sound like someone you know? If you have a yoga mat and "singing bowls," if you chant or do polarity therapy or energy healing, if you consume goji berries or biodynamic organic wines, you just might be a Lohasian.

—Steven Waldman and Valerie Reiss

I own a yoga mat and took a class in energy healing, but I don't own singing bowls nor do I consume goji berries although I have a friend who is selling them. I think I still qualify.

I went to a seminar with Julia Cameron tonight. She wrote "The Artist's Way" and "Vein of Gold." The woman sounded exactly like Joan Cuzak. She even had the same mannerisms. Cameron said she lives in Manhattan, a block away from Central Park, but her voice is soooo Chicago.

It was fun that she named dropped. She was engaged to Martino Scorcese and worked at The Washington Post during the Watergate era and knew Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein.

Cameron talked about morning pages, and I decided I needed to start doing them again. It's been years since I've done them, and I know I so rebelled against doing them. But it got the feeling that it was time to do to them again.

I went to Walgreen's after the class and picked up these really cool notebooks and new pens. I love buying new equipment when I'm about to start a project.

I was talking to a woman about one of my novels, and she told it was selfish to not want to write if I had the gift of writing. She told me she couldn't even imagine writing a fictional novel. I don't know. Maybe I am being selfish for not writing especially when I seem to easily make up stories. It's an issue that I am seriously pondering tonight.

Am I being selfish when I don't write because I was given the gift of writing?

Just finished filling out my absentee ballot for tomorrow's election, which I will hand into my polling place tomorrow. In all my years of living in the City and County of San Francisco, I have not once voted for Dianne Feinstein or Nancy Pelosi. I just leave those sections blank since I can't stand either person.

I voted for Fiona Ma only because voting for Janet Reilly would be like voting in Katie Couric for public office. An ex-television reporter married to a one-time political consultant great does not make for a great politician I think.

I voted No on every San Francisco measure especially the one concerning money. I thought the city was out of money. Guess not!

And for whatever reason Phil Angelides just bugs me. I think Steve Westly is more my kind of democrat because I like my politicians to have business experience.

And yes I voted for Jerry Brown for Attorney General, but not Deborah Ortiz for Controller.

I know I haven't been posting much, but I just don't feel like writing in my blog these days. I'm not doing any kind of writing at all, so it's not just my blog. It's been a strange month. It feels like I made a ton of spiritual progress, which has sadly shaken my core beliefs about who I am and what I need to make me happy.

I've had the feeling this month, which I only felt once before in my life, that I don't really know who I am anymore. It is not a very pleasant feeling. I think I would have been more frightened by these feelings, had I not experienced them before. My friend S is convinced that my health has been so poor lately because all these new revelations about myself has shaken my being to such depths, that it has affected my health.

I shall have to write more about this when I've processed it all. I think I am just now processing my break-up with M-Square to where I can talk about it rationally to my friends without inventing a story or making an excuse for what happened.

And I think the universe, just to make it really clear to me that my world is being turned upside down, sent me a clear message today. One of my favorite pastimes is to shop in Victoria's Secret. They are the only underwear stores that I've been able to find that sells decent cotton underwears and bras. So I walk to VC today and I notice that all their cotton bras are gone. The cotton undies are still there, but not the cotton bras. Of course you can still buy them online, but not in the store anymore. Can you tell my world is like seriously changing? It is to me when I can't shop in any Victoria's Secret store anymore.

The world is turning into a plastic polyster nightmare! Even Lands End is giving in to plastic clothes and hardly selling anything 100% cotton or other natural fabrics. It is beyond my comprehension why people would want to wear plastic bags around their body, because that is what you do when you wear polyester. Yes, poly folly does not wrinkle and is easy to take care of, but it also traps smells and is ghastly uncomfortable when it's hot.

I mean, why would any woman want to wear plastic undies and plastic bras unless they like underwear that will stink and make them sweat. So scary! No wonder men complain about certain odors when doing certain intimate acts - it's the chick's undies!

I saw "The Da Vinci Code" last night and loved the movie. It's not the book, but I thought Akiva Goldsman did an excellent job of translating the book into a movie. Even if you haven't read the book, you still the get fundamental story.

There were so many things that Ron Howard added visually which enhanced the book. My friend and I think that the critics hated it, because let's face it, the critics hate anything to do with spirituality. The critics hated "The Passion", and that was definitely an excellent movie and Mel Gibson made his money back and a ton more. Hollywood critics will never love a movie that has anything to do with Jesus.

Just because the critics hated the movie, I think people who read the book will still be interested in watching a movie made from the book just to see what was left in and what was left out.

My friend and I thought that some parts of the movie were very, very moving. And I think that if your faith is shaken by this fictional work, then your faith wasn't very strong to begin with because it's not like any of this information is very, very new. The filmmakers made it clear that no matter what you think Jesus did or didn't do, you cannot deny that he was an amazing spiritual master who changed the world for the better.

I give the movie a B+. "The Passion" is still my favourite modern Jesus movie after "The Last Temptation of Christ", but "The Da Vinci Code" is definitely worth seeing.

My money market account interest rate at my credit union is so far below what other banks are offering, I took about 2/3 of the money out and put it into one of those competitive money market accounts paying over 4%. Okay, the rate is not great but I need the fund to be as liquid as possible and still make a little money.

My friend said a CD isn't a bad way to go for since I rarely touch the money in my money market now, but I don't know. I just don't like the idea of my money being locked away from me for any amount of time.

What little money I have, I want to have access to sadly 24/7. This new money market fund comes with checks and an ATM with no charges too!

Thank god my gold and oil funds have doubled since I bought them last year. I am hoping oil goes to a $100 a barrel and gold goes up to $1,000 an ounce. I know this is bad because if oil goes to $100 a barrel, our economy will seriously be up the creek without much of a paddle.

I don't buy that many groceries, but I have been noticing these last few months that shopping at Trader Joe's is now becoming very, very expensive, almost as expensive as Whole Paycheck. I don't know how people are coping if their financial situation is already stretched. And gas is way out of control. I am so glad I don't drive to work anymore. I always picked up gas at a Costco out the city anyway, which retails gas about $0.20 below San Francisco and about $0.10 below the gas price in the area the store is located.

And yes, I am happy that I am used to being a vegetarian because buying food if you're a vegetarian is a hell of a lot cheaper than buying food if you're not. I'm used to eating like a poor vegetarian person who's always on a diet; it's been my MO since I was 19 years old. Going back to eating protein has only been a recent thing. It's probably good I don't drink very much now as well, since drinking adds up. I have an amazingly well-stocked liqour cabinet anway, so it's not like I need to ever buy the stuff for another year or two.

Clothes and anti-aging products like vitamins are my money drainers, and books too! Especially clothes that are on sale as I can't resist a sale; I think it's a genetic thing. And I hate not feeling good and not feeling healthy, and any amount of money is so worth spending to always feel like you're doing the latest and greatest to feel good and be healthy. I'm not sure how this attitude jives with my inability to keep my weight at a reasonable level, since being fat is not healthy. Perhaps it could have something to do wtih the fact that purchaseing another vitamin is so much more pleasurable than denying myself a large McDonald's french fries when I'm cranky and tired.

Just my luck! The first time I decide I actually needed to vote for someone on "American Idol", Chris the cool alternative rock guy, my nominee gets booted off. I think the chick should be have been booted off.

My prediction is it will be either be Elliot or Taylor. Elliot has a great voice, but Taylor is like the typical band singer guy you always see in small and dark bars. I think people would love to see a guy like that get a chance to make it big.

At the New Living Exp over the weekend, I bought something called Rejuvenizer in Shimmering Mint.

The Rejuvenizers® – Subtle energy protection for today's living.
The Rejuvenizer® line, created by Dr. Phyllis Light, is designed to help protect your physical and subtle bodies from the harmful effects of electromagnetic fields (EMFs) and to help repair subtle damages to those bodies from all such negative energies, as well as from drugs, surgical procedures, and other people's negativity directed at you. The Rejuvenizer website

Two friends had purchased them and said they worked. It was so cool because Dr. Phyllis Light was at the booth when I bought I was there, and she actually touched the Rejuvenizer I bought. The one I purchased was made by an artist who doesn't work for them anymore, so her pieces are rare. Dr. Light told me she was wearing one by the same artist, but here was in a different color.

I feel so naked now without my super receptor. I've been wearing one continously for so long. I want to say 2002, but I don't remember now. I just checked. I started wearing my receptor in December 2002. I'm hoping my Rejuvinezer will help, but just in case I'm going to wear the first receptor I bought.

So I found out why my stupid pleiadian technology necklace doesn't work anymore. I decided I needed to change the stone on my necklace from an amethyst to a garnet, and when I took it to a jeweler at lunch time he said I had somehow crushed the amethyst and the stone was worthless.

I have no idea how I crushed the thing, but I guess I did. It was time to change the stone anyway, but just in case it's not, the jeweler is going to change the prongs so I can change the jewel myself. I am buying a 4.5 mm amethyst and garnet to see if changing the stone makes a difference, cool huh? The jeweler said it was the same price. I wonder how much a 4.5 mm ruby would cost? I'll have to ask him when I pick it up next week.

The jeweler guy was nice and told me he would change the diamond earrings my grandma gave me into screwbacks so I wouldn't lose them and change me only $110. He was such a nice guy and the only jeweler who does jewelry repairs in the Embarcadero and probably downtown San Francisco I would have taken it to the jeweler in my neighborhood who did some repairs for me last year, but he takes way too long. This Embarcadero jeweler is probably very expensive, but at least he's fast.

And yes, it is going to cost me a very pretty penny to get my prong redone and everything else I'm doing, but it's worth it my alien technology starts working again.

James Redfield and his wife Salle, the guy who wrote the book and the screenplay for "The Celestine Prophecy", was speaking tonight at the expo about the deeper meaning of the book. I was too tired to wait for him because he wasn't speaking till 9 pm, so I came home. I think the tibetan healing treatment wiped me out.

My friend S and I weren't that impressed by the movie right after we saw it, but something in that movie must have disturbed us because that night we both had bad dreams. That movie must have stirred up something in our subconscious which made my friend S sick and have bad dreams, and made me just have bad dreams.

Then last Saturday at a healing group we've both been going to we met a woman, a pediatrician endocrinologist from Children's Hospital in Oakland, who remembered seeing us the premier of the movie on Tuesday. What a small world huh? The woman had attending John of God, some big old healing center in Brazil. Her friend had made an amazing recovery from some debilitating disease from being treated by John of God, so the woman had flown down to Brazil with her friends to check these people out. The lady doctor said she felt them the healer do some spiritual psychic surgery on her, and a few days later awoke and felt them taking her sutures out. She said she knew what the procedure was, had done and had it done to her, so she knew what it felt like. It blew her medically trained mind.

I think she has a difficult job because she told us she treats children with diabetes. I can't imagine being a young child and having diabetes. What an awful disease to have as a young child. And I think if you have diabetes disease as a young child, it's not curable like adult onset diabetes. At least the technology is better these days for checking your blood sugar than it was a few years agol.

Wow, it's been awhile since I've posted. Things just go so crazy! My stupid throat thing hung on forever and I only managed to get rid of because I had a visit with my kineseologist last Saturday, and he found a ton of bacteria in my lungs which he cleaned out. He checked for viruses as well, but thankfully he didn't find any. My throat thing was gone the next day which was so amazing!

Everyone told me the throat thing would last at least three weeks, but mine lasted about 11 days, thanks to my acupuncture chinese herbs and my kineseologist and all without heavy duty drugs except for some drug store meds for sinus inflammation. At least I didn't have to go to the doctor and it didn't turn into strep throat. There's been a rash of people getting strep throat at the office.

Around a couple of weeks ago, the Saturday before Easter, I had some filling replaced and my intuition about my health was right on as usual. My dentist found out that the two silver fillings I wanted replaced were cracked and the teeth underneath were getting decayed. He said they both look liked there were on the verge of collapsing in my mouth so it was a good thing I had them replaced. I think taking those two mercury fillings out contributed to my run down health these last two wees, what with the mercury flooding my system.

My kineseologist told me to come and see him after my dental appointment so he could take the mercury out of my system. He thinks I should see a great improvement in my health now that my merucy leaking fillings are gone.

Still I spent this week recovering since I think my body was recovering from being invaded by nasty throat germs and mercury running through my system.

It's another busy weekened for me because I've been at the New Living Expo. It's fun to see what's out there in the new age world. There weren't very many new things to see as there were last year, except for lots of Tibetan booths. I had a Tibetan healing today, and the healer told me I was bloated on my right side andI needed to do some serious cleansing because my plumbing was all backed up. I bought some blood purification tea which tastes divine and hopefully will help.

On Friday and I went with a friend of mine and she boughts some crystals from Brazil and bought for me a Himalayan Salt Crystal lamp as a belated birthday present. I've been wanting to get one for awhile now but just hadn't gotten around to purchasing one. The Himilayan Salt Crystal lamp is supposed to give off negative ions, which means if you had one in the room it would be like you were sleeping on beach as the ocean waves give off lots of negative ions. She got a good deal at the booth because she bought two lamps, one for herself and one for me, and booth people gave us free himilayan salt crystal tea light. The tea light is a smaller version of the lamp salt crystal, with a hole to put a tea light in it.

I ran into so many people that I knew at the Expo on Friday. I had no idea I knew so many people in the new age community, but I guess I do.

I bought tickets for my friend S (from work) and I to go and see the San Francisco premier of "The Celestine Prophecy" movie. James Redfield and his wife Salle are going to be at the movie theatre and I am dying to see what they're like in person.

I love the whole "Celestine Prophecy" book series and own all the books. It's so weird because my friend S went to see the literary agent Peter Miller at a Learning Annex seminar yesterday, and found out that Peter had helped to produce the movie. Peter said that he wanted Redfield to make the script more understandable to an audience who had never read the original book, but redoubled declined. I am interested to see the movie because I read the book in 1995 and haven't read it since.

A girl in a growth and development seminar gave me her copy of the book and then moved to Monterey to go to law school. We lost touch with each other so I never gave the book back. The woman who gave me the book decided in that seminar she wanted to be a child rights advocate lawyer, and I believe within three months found a law school in Monterey, applied, got accepted, found a place to live and was able to relocate her job with the same company to the area. Talk about an amazing self transformation!

I couldn't sleep so I decided to rebalance my meager IRA. My gold mutual fund has doubled and my energy mutual fund is about to double, but my poor treasury fund was going nowhere so I cashed out and sold it it on Monday.

Tonight or rather tomorrow I will be buying shares of:

BHP - BHP Billiton Limited, together with its subsidiaries, engages in mining, drilling, and processing mineral resources. It produces iron ore, copper, nickel metal, manganese, diamonds, silver, titanium, aluminium, and uranium. The company also engages in the exploration, production, and development of oil and natural gas in Australia, the United Kingdom, the United States, Algeria, Trinidad and Tobago, and Pakistan. The company also exports metallurgical coal for the steel industry, and energy coal. In addition, it has exploration interests in the United States, Australia, Trinidad and Tobago, Pakistan, Algeria, Brunei Darussalam, South Africa, Canada, and the Philippines. BHP Billiton Limited was founded in 1885 and is headquartered in Melbourne, Australia.

SSRI - Silver Standard Resources, Inc., an exploration stage company, engages in the acquisition and exploration of silver properties in Argentina, Australia, Canada, Chile, Mexico, Peru, and the United States. Its principal mineral properties comprise the Pirquitas Project in the Province of Jujuy, Argentina; and the Pitarrilla Project in Durango State, Mexico. Silver Standard Resources also owns interests in the Bowdens Project in Australia; the Shafter Silver Project in Texas, the United States; and in the San Luis Project in the Ancash Department of Peru. In addition, it holds tertiary mineral property interests in the Diablillos Project in Argentina, the Berenguela Project in Peru, the right to acquire the Veta Colorada Project in Mexico, the Challacollo Project in Chile, a 55% interest in the Maverick Springs Project in northern Nevada, the San Marcial Project in Mexico, the San Agustin Property in Mexico, the Silvertip Property in northern British Columbia, Canada, and the Sunrise Lake Deposit in the Northwest Territories, Canada. Further, the company holds long-term property interests in the Candelaria mine in west central Nevada and the Sulphurets Project in British Columbia, Canada. Silver Standard Resources has strategic alliance with Minco Silver Corporation to pursue silver opportunities in the People’s Republic of China, and an agreement with Esperanza Silver Corporation for the evaluation of mineral prospects in central Peru. The company was incorporated in 1946 as Silver Standard Mines, Limited and changed its name to Silver Standard Mines Limited in 1979. Further, it changed its name to Consolidated Silver Standard Mines Limited in 1984 and to Silver Standard Resources, Inc. in 1990. The company is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

BGO - Bema Gold Corporation engages in the mining and production of gold and silver; and the acquisition, exploration, and development of precious metals properties principally in the Russian Federation, South Africa, and Chile. Its principal assets include a 79% interest in the Julietta Mine, a gold and silver underground mine in Russia; a 100% interest in the Petrex underground and open pit gold mines, South Africa; a 50% interest in the Refugio Mine in Chile, a previously producing open pit, heap leach gold mine; a 24% interest in the Aldebaran property in Chile, which includes the Cerro Casale deposit, an development stage gold-copper deposit in Chile; and a 75% interest in the construction stage Kupol gold and silver project in northeast Russia. The company also has indirect interests in the East Pansky platinum-palladium exploration property in Russia; and the Mill Canyon and related gold exploration properties in Nevada. In addition, it has a 70% interest in a gold property at Monument Bay in Manitoba, Canada; the 100% owned Quebrada gold property in Chile; and the 100% owned Yarnell gold property in Arizona. The company was founded in 1988 and is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

XMSR - XM Satellite Radio Holdings, Inc. operates as a satellite radio service company primarily in the United States. It provides music, news, talk, information, entertainment, and sports programming for reception by vehicle, home, and portable radios, as well as over the Internet to approximately 6 million subscribers. The company provides XM NavTraffic, a satellite traffic data service that provides real-time traffic information; and XM WX satellite weather service that offers graphical data weather service to the marine and aviation markets. XM Satellite Radio Holdings also offers XM Radio for the automobile industry. In addition, it provides online service, including online music purchase and playlist management capability. As of January 31, 2006, XM Satellite Radio operated approximately 160 channels, including 67 commercial-free music channels; 34 news, talk, and entertainment channels; 39 sports channels; 21 instant traffic and weather channels; and 1 emergency alert channel. The company markets its services through various distribution channels, including automotive manufacturers and dealers, national and regional electronics retailers, car audio dealers, and mass retailers and rental car companies. XM Satellite Radio Holdings was founded in 1992 and is headquartered in Washington, District Of Columbia.

I wanted to buy shares of SU or Suncor, but it was selling at around $88. I should have bought some shares last year when it was trading at $40 something. Oh well! Suncor Energy, Inc. operates as an integrated energy company in Canada. It operates through four segments: Oil Sands, Natural Gas, Energy Marketing and Refining, and Refining and Marketing. The Oil Sands segment offers light sweet crude oil/diesel and light sour crude oil/bitumen. The Natural Gas segment explores, develops, produces, and supplies natural gas, natural gas liquids, and crude oil. The Energy Marketing and Refining segment refines, transports, and markets petroleum and petrochemical products, such as gasoline, jet fuel, diesel, heating fuels, heavy fuel oils, and petrochemicals to industrial, commercial, wholesale, and refining customers. The Refining and Marketing segment refines and markets transportation fuels, including gasoline, jet fuel, diesel, and asphalt. The company was formerly known as Suncor, Inc. Suncor Energy was founded in 1953 and is headquartered in Calgary, Canada.

I have 30% invested in energy stocks which I think is fine for now, and about 40% invested in gold, silver and mining stocks, with the other 30% in some new technologies and pharmaceutical stocks.

Depending on how much money I have left after my trades tomorrow. I will probably pick another silver stock, PAAS. Pan American Silver Corp. engages in the exploration, acquisition, development, and operation of silver mines. It has mining operations in Mexico, Peru, Argentina, and Bolivia; and has non producing silver resources in the United States and Argentina. The company owns and operates the Quiruvilca silver mine, the Huaron silver mine, and the Morococha silver mine in Peru; La Colorada Mine, Mexico; and San Vincente, Bolivia. Its development projects include the Alamo Dorado silver project in Mexico and Manantial Espejo in Argentina. The company’s products include silver rich zinc, lead and copper concentrates, and silver/gold ore. The company, formerly known as Pan American Energy Corporation, was incorporated in 1979 and changed its name to Pan American Silver Corp. in 1995. Pan American Silver is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

I will also probably pick up some shares of NG or NovaGold. NovaGold Resources, Inc., through its wholly-owned subsidiaries and joint ventures, engages in the exploration and development of mineral properties in North America. As of November 30, 2005, the company had interests in Donlin Creek gold property, which contained a measured and indicated resource estimated at 14 million ounces of gold, and an additional inferred resource of approximately 14 million ounces of gold in southwestern Alaska; the Galore Creek property that included an indicated resource estimated at approximately 5.9 million ounces of gold, 6.8 billion pounds of copper, and 76 million ounces of silver, as well as an additional inferred resource estimate of 7.8 million ounces of gold, 5.2 billion pounds of copper, and 81 million ounces of silver in northwest British Columbia; the Rock Creek property, which comprised of approximately 100,000 ounces of gold in Nome, Alaska; Ambler project that contained resources of 817,000 ounces of gold, 3.2 billion pounds of copper, 4.2 billion pounds of zinc, and 6.2 million ounces of silver in Alaska; Big Hurrah; and Nome Gold properties in Nome, Alaska. NovaGold Resources also sells sand, gravel, and land. The company was incorporated in 1984 as 1562756 Nova Scotia Limited. It changed its name to NovaCan Mining Resources (l985) Limited in 1985 and to NovaGold Resources, Inc. in 1987. NovaGold Resources is headquartered in Vancouver, Canada.

I am recoving from a sinus infection. I've had it off and since Tuesday and spent a horrible weekend in bed coughing and hacking. I have that disgusting post nasal drip where hot stuff drips down into my throat (it's bacteria I'm told) and makes me cough till I cry. I went home early from work yesterday because people kept coming into my cube to ask me if I was okay. I think they wanted me to go home because I sounded disgustig and they thought I was flooding the floor with germs.

It's not so bad today, but I'm still hacking a bit.

I am still in mourning over M-Square. My angel reader from Southern California called me at work today and I told her that M-Square and I broke up. She said that although M-Square is my univeral soul partner and was created especially for me 5 billion years ago, he is no longer in the light. She said he left the light 700,000 years ago and because of this, our relationship will always be a struggle so she was not too surprised it was over. M-Square is very spiritual but I'm not sure he really believes in God, JC, a higher power or whatever. He has that "I can do it all myself" attitude, which is a sure sign of an "unbeliever" and does not make for very good relationship or marriage material. Relationships and marriage are hard enough, without a person thinking it's all up to them. I remember her warning me that M-Square needed to reconnect to God for it to ever work for us. I think he has a little, but maybe not enough.

My friend S at work told me last week (she's every intuitive) that M-Square misses me, but that he's very, very messed up. She kept asking me why I wanted to be with such a messed up person because I could so much better than him.

My angel reader told me that I have another universal soul partner out there, who was created 300, 000 years ago especially for me and that I will meet him in the next two years. She said she knew I must be suffering because it's hard to let someone go who's been around you for 4 billion and 300,000 years. No kidding! I had to run off to a meeting and she ended our call by saying "I hope what I've said gives you some peace."

My aunt called yesterday to tell me she will be a volunteer when the Dalai Lama visits San Francisco on Saturday. He is having some kind of private gathering with invited guests, and my aunt by marriage's sister is one the invite list. My aunt told me that the Dalai Lama has agreed to meet with the volunteers for the events, and even though my aunt hasn't the foggiest idea about meditation or tibetan buddhism, she is excited to be meeting him.

She also told me some disturbing news. My other aunt, who lives on Kauai, told her that she has been praying that M-Square and I break up. When I heard the news, I was like "what the fbomb?" Why would my aunt be doing that? I think the woman is just so evil. She knew I was so happy that M-Square and I were together, and I think she was jealous that I was happy because her two own two daughters are still living at home and not likely any time soon to be married. God, the whole thing just creeps me out and made me realize that I really can't trust my family. I was starting to think things were getting better since my grandma died, but the dysfunctional family dynamic is still alive and kicking.

My aunt and my real mother were rivals, and even though my mom has been dead these many years, I think my aunt is still carrying on the rivalry. Like whatever! All of my siblings, except for my one sister are living on their own. And my one sister can't help it because she has a learning disability that was never diagnosed or treated when she was a child, and we all think it was caused because my mother took some medical drug she wasn't supposed when she was pregnant with my sister and the poor kid's brain never fully developed.

Not my cousins. They were totally all born normal in a normal household with a mother and father and two dogs. My uncle was a doctor for crying out loud, yet my cousins still live at home. My cousin the lawyer doesn't need to live at home, and only does it because she's saving to buy a condo. But my other cousin who is older than me still lives at home with my evil aunt. My boy cousin doesn't live at home, but my aunt has to send him rent money every month because he doesn't make enough money to cover his expenses and the guy has to have his own apartment, so he might as well be living at home.

Right now I am so mad at my aunt. I just cannot tell these members of the family anything because they have never wished me well and whenever I hear what they're saying about me, it's never been very good. But my aunt praying that M-Square and I break up has to take the evil cake prize. She is like so catholic too, I don't know how she can sit in her church and not be struck down by god. She knew I was happy, and that I was looking forward to moving down to LA and marrying my M-Square. What a bitch that woman is! She had no good reason to pray for our breakup, other than her own evilness and jealousy!

I heard this song while driving around yesterday in the rain "Doing too Much" by Paula Deanda. I was googling the song and she has an official website where you can hear the song - Paula Deanda.

This is the theme song of my relationship with M-Square. The guys goes "just leave your name and number and I'm going to holler at ya". Yep, that's me.

I'm leaving messages and voicemails Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing to much
Why you tryna diss me When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing to much,
Tell me what's the issue Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing to much
This is turning into Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing to much

I remember a character in a televison show talking about losing his love and he said like "it doesn't matter if you've had a few months or four hundred years together, it's never enough time." I never knew what he meant until now.

It doesn't matter that M-Square and I only had a few months together. A few months or thirty years, at the end I think I would be thinking the same thoughts I am now - "that we didn't have enough time."

Speaking about Muni, I watched the Muni fare inspectors this week bust four people on the train for not having a transfer or a Fastpass. Two inspectors came on two separate days and each time busted two people. And at the height of morning rush hour, they are not busting bums or other people you think are taking advantage of the system. They are giving tickets out to people wearing very expensive suits and carrying very expensive bags.

I can't believe these people. The Fastpass only cost $45 a month and if you're going to work every day, you should get one. It makes me wonder how many other well-heeled Muni patrons are working the system and riding for free and just not getting caught. Or, maybe they just don't pay on the way to work and only pay going home. Still! These people are the reason Muni is losing money and threatening to raise the monthly pass fees. Muni was at least breaking even when they had a driver on every train, but then probably some knucklehead on our city council living in some fairy-tale world of their decided that San Francisco people are honest and Muni could run more efficiently on the honor system. WRONG!

You know I don't mind that bums or poor people ride for free because those people cannot really afford to pay, but I get really upset when I see a woman with a $400 handbag and wearing $1,000 worth of clothes and jewelry getting busted for not having a monthly pass in the morning. Dang! It's only $45. That woman probably doesn't wear anything that costs under $100, and yet she's jerking the system and riding for free!

People who work in downtown San Francisco hate the train inspectors because they think it's stupid to bust people during the morning and evening rush hour. It's a nuisance and I know everyone thinks that no one is that dishonorable enough to ride for free. But from what I saw this week, I hope everyone is getting that there are quite a few dishonset people or quite a few people dumb enough to get caught without a pass or transfer.

This is the first day since last Saturday that I've felt a little happier. This last week has been so hard! I missed M-Square so much, and was practically crying at work when my friend S and I were exchanging emails about him. She told me not to get discouraged, but it just made me miss the guy even more! And then on Friday, I started thinking about M-Square and tears were coming out of my eyes on Muni. Nothing beats crying on public transportation during the Friday night rush hour. People stare at you with genuine pity in their eyes. God only knows what they must be thinking.

I am definitely processing something in my mind because I have been having the wildest, wildest dreams. I dreamt my grandparents were still alive and so was our old neighbour, Mr. Murakami. He had these amazing manicured gardens with all these bonsai plants. The man was truly a gardner artist, but boy did he hate dogs. My grandparents swore the man poisoned all of our dogs because they kept getting into his gardens and doing their morning and evening routines. In the dream, my grandparents were laughing because Mr. Murakami was screaming and throwing dog poo back in our yard saying it belonged to our dog. My granparents were just laughing and rolling their eyes. I don't know if this was a real memory that I dreamed about or just some kind of weird dream.

On a better note, I did my taxes today and I am getting a huge refund! I haven't filed them yet, because I want to think about the deductions I'm taking but I think I am getting at least $700-800 back. And I'm getting a refund from the State of California for once.

I thought for sure I was going to owe money, which is why I've waited this long to do my taxes so I was pleasantly surprised to find out I am getting such a big refund. I claim two on my exemptions, which I was supposed to switch back to one in July but kept forgetting about. When I claimed two exemtions in 2004 I screwed myself over tax wise, but not this year.

That business license I got last year has really workjed out for me tax wise. It is definitely the way to go. I wrote off my beading classes and beading supplies, and then decided to write off all of my writing classes as well because I earned some money doing a little writing gig last year. I earned $35 working as a film panel person at the Academy of Art College for my ex-screenwriting teacher. My business license says "wholesales sales" but I think writing qualifies under my business license, don't you think?

I'm thinking I should actually switch my business license to writer, if there is such a thing. Then I could start writing off not only writing classes, but books as well. Maybe I will even write off movie tickets as research. My brother says owning your own business is the best thing a person can do to not pay too many taxes. He writes off his gym membership, clothing, his car, food, you name it, and the boy writes it off. But then he really does have a legitimate business with a few employees. But he says I can do it as well. He told me I should write off my trip to Hawaii as a business expense for my beading business, because I was showing my jewerly off to friends I know who own shops. They even asked me if I was going to make more and were very interested in selling them. Not sure if they were serious or not or just being polite, but my brother said that our interaction would qualify as a business meeting. He is so funny!

I'm so mad at myself today. I let the batttery on my palm tungsten E die out, and I lost a ton of information! And stupid, stupid me, didn't back my palm up since last summer so I've lost about 8 months worth of information. I lost the list of books I've been reading for 2005 and for 2006. I lost all of my appointments, and can only remember three I have this month so if I have anything personally scheduled after April, well, I just hope I remember them. What else? My list of movies seen for 2005 and 2006, and all my financial information that I've been storing on my Palm., which thank God I think can replaced if I spend a month re-entering everything.

But I'm mostly pissed at the list of books and movies that I've lost. God, this is the first time I've let my palm die ever! I am so pissed at myself right now! I'm going to have spend a whole month I think trying to re-enter everything. What a horrid, horrid, stupid thing to do!

But thank god it wasn't worse! At least I haven't lost any of my writing. I think there might have been one or two writing things on my Palm, but nothing too terribly important I think.

Something fun has been happening at work, although I would hardly call it a flirtation. I received an email last Friday from a new manager in another division requesting some material for a presentation he was working on. I sent it to him on Friday and on Monday he sent me an email with some questions, which I needed permission from one of my bosses to release the information he was asking for. I ended up calling the guy on Monday at around 5 pm thinking he would be gone for the day and I could leave a message.

We ended up talking fo about 45 minutes about his presentation and the information I sent to him. Then on Tuesday, the guy pops by my cube and we end up talking for another hour and 45 minutes. He had emailed me his powerpoint presentation and he wanted to show it to me himself when I told him I hadn't even had the chance to look at it yet.

Wow, the time just flew by and next thing I know he wants to google a night time image of the US and we're both staring at my PC at a night time image of the US and commenting about where there are lights and no lights on the map. How weird was that? The guy kept saying he couldn't stay long and then ended pulling up an empty chair so he could talk to me. Then when I walked him to the door of our floor, we kept chatting about other business related matters.

This guy is such a trip. He's young, just got his MBA from the University of Michigan from the way he talks, and grew up in Ann Arbor. He was proud to tell me he was a free market capitalist, which translates into San Francisco Bay Area speak as "Republican". The guy must have learnt something from living here because he knows he just can't announce to a girl in San Francisco that he's a "Republican" without suffering the consequences of that act. I just laughed when he told me that because I knew exactly what he was talking about. So funny! I mean, what else kind of guy would pay for his own personal subscription to The Wall Street Journal?

And yes, the guy is attractive. He's nice and big which I like, and he's a brown-eyed blondie which has always been a favourite type of mine only because brown-eyed blondie boys are so rare. Too bad he works in my company is all I can say.

But he is so darned nice. Today he comes to my cube on a break from a training session he's in and hands me a video of 60 Minutes shows he's tivoed and thought I might be interested in watching because they were all on healthcare. How sweet was that?

I am having major flashbacks with this guy because I have dated way too many guys like him in my past; the frat boy, republican type. Wanna bet the guy wears boxers and shorts with his boxers hanging out? Most of the guys I dated in college and beyond were like this guy, the typical what my friend Shari in college used to call "Bowdoin preppy"; the kind of chubby, happy go lucky, very charming, opinionated and a great conversationalist, always neatly and preppily dressed, republican frat boy. These guys always look squeeky clean, smell good, always pay, can totally talk your ear 0ff and charm your panties off to boot at the same time, until the next thing you know it's the morning and y0u're waking up buttt naked in an expensively furnished room and the guy is handing you an aspirin and a glass of water to cure your hangover with the biggest grin on his face. And you're like thinking to yourself, how the hell did this happen?

I had a long talk with my friend S today at work. She thinks I need to move on and forget about M-Square. She thinks there is someone better on the way, and that M-Square will never change and I just need to forget about him. S thinks M-Square has way too many problems and that his vibration is so below mine that the universe took him away from me. S also thinks that I will always be a reminder to M-Square of just how low his vibe is compared to mine and that this situation doesn't make for a relationship.

I know M-Square had problems when I first met him. I know I should have just backed away in the first two weeks, especially when he started telling me more about himself but I didn't. There seemed to such a goodness inside of him that was so unmistakable. I feel like Padme in Star Wars when she says about Darth Vader "There is still goodness inside of him, I can feel it." I think even Princess Leia said this about father as well.

But I couldn't back away. We just seemed to fit, and I know we were soul mates, still are soul mates, but maybe not meant to be together in this lifetime. I don't know.

It's been two months and I still miss him terribly, especially this week. I don't think I missed him much in March as I am missing him this week so very, very much. But realistically, the chances of him changing and getting his act together are slim to none. It 's so hard for people to change, really hard. It is a super-human effort to be spiritual when you haven't been trying to be spiritual your whole life. I've been spiritual most of my life so I don't think I can even relate someone starting their journey on the spiritual path this late in life. I can only guess it would be so hard.

Even if God gave you the cosmic slap upside your head, it would still be so hard. I suppose a person could change, but maybe not enough to be at my level. This is S's theory about M-Square. She thinks people just can't change. But it's so unfair because I really, really liked him and I thought he really liked me. No, I know he really liked me but maybe we just weren't mean to be. God my heart breaks when I think about us not being together.

I feel like it's been centuries since our souls have been together, and to lose him again now after not having been with him for so long is just horrifying and unpalatable to my soul, my heart and my whole being. But I know I have to partner with someone. I realized today I cannot accomplish what I want do with my life unless I'm in a partnership with a guy. Some women can go it alone. I wish to God I was one of them, but I'm not. I need the balance of energies that being in a partnership brings, the stabalization, the companionship. Yes, I am a spiritual warrior, but I know I cannot go it alone.

But this much I know, my heart will keep on breaking till the universe brings another compatible man into my life. And sadly when that event happens, I will forget all about M-Square. It will be like he never existed and I will say to myself and all my friends, "it was God's grace that we are not together because this new guy is so much better."

And I know deep down I won't have to wait 14 years for another amazing guy to come into my life. I don't have the time and the world doesn't have the time for me to wait another 14 years. The new guy will come and I think he will come soon. I just wish with every fiber of my being that the "new guy" is the old M-Square changed, but I'm not sure if this kind of miracle exists in the world for us.

My department is such a soap opera. We have a new director who started on March 2o, and people are just going bonkers! My boss' boss is already spreading rumors about the poor guy and how bad he is, and worse yet, he found out that she is spreading the rumors.

I am really disgusted, seriously! I would be mortified if my boss found out I was spreading rumors about her. It's willfull and so evil, and it's kind of thing I thought only existed in movies. But no! It's happening right in my department. What a zoo this place is!

I am doing a little geographical escape myself and moving to a better cube. If you can't switch jobs, just move cubes. Nothing like a little location change.

Every time I look at the woman, my boss' boss who is spreading malicious rumors about her boss, I just see a really evil person. I can't help it. S thinks it's because my boss' boss is so scared that the new director guy is going to make changes that she is desperately doing this evil, evil thing. I nearly jumped out of my skin this afternoon when she came to my cube to ask me something.

I'm like, I wonder what rumors she's been spreading about me. M-Square was dead-on when he told me chances for career advancement were less than zero because I so do not get along with my boss' boss. The woman practically hates me because she was supposed to be the best writer in the group until I came along. A producer friend from LA said I should get used it, because if I ever become a paid writer I will generate a ton of hate from unpublished writers who think they can write better than me. Whatever!

God, I hope I don't ever get that desperate and scared at a job that I have to resort to spreading evil and false rumors about my boss. This company, any company I think, is way too small to be doing that kind of thing. And I'm like how did the new director guy find out? She must have told someone who she thought wouldn't rat on her. You so cannot trust anybody at work, can you?

My friend S from work came over to visit, and we had dinner at the vegan kosher chinese restaurant near my place called Shangri La. They have probably the best vegan dinner for $22 for 2 people. They serve spring rolls, soup, two dishes with purple/brown rice and fried banana for desert. It is such a deal!

S and I have so much in common. We both love blue and white dishes and London. She used to live in Penzance England, although she grew up in Montreal and all her family is in NYC. She's a long time meditator like me, and I think she was a fairy girl in one of her previous lives.

It's nice to make a new friend that you have so much in common with. Plus she's into this thing called Human Design, which is kind of astrology but totally different. She and I and projectors. She is very sensitive and very psychic.

I've only known here since December, but when we get together it's like we've know each other for years. She is writing a novel that I think will be a bestseller when she gets it published. She told me tonight about an idea for another novel she wants to write based on a woman she met and cared for who was Austrian and survivor of Auschwitz.

It was so weird to meet someone else who is as interested in Holocaust history as I am. We both think we were killed/gased during the Holocaust in a preveious life. She laughed because I say the word "Auschwitz" with a perfect german accent. I wonder if I died there. One of these days, I would like to travel to visit all the Holocaust camps to see if I have any dejavu experience at one of them. I know when I do, it will mean that I died at that particular death camp.

When I told her I thought I was flapper girl in NYC, she giggled and said she had a psychic vision of my previous life. I love music from that era, always have, even though I did not have exposure to it until I read my first F. Scott Fitzgerald short story. I used to really be into F. Scott!

I decided today that I never gave myself permission to not have a career other than a writing career, and until I give myself permission to not do well at the way I make money to pay my rent I will always hate my job. And I've hated my jobs since I decided I wanted to be an author of books and screenplays, but I never knew why.

I didn't hate the job I was between 2000 and 2004. Back then I was just happy to have a job because it was the dot-com bust, and everyone I practically knew was unemployed and looking for work. Now I have another job and every day I hate it and every day think about leaving still. It's not the job, it's me! Even if I were to get another job, I would still hate it because it wouldn't be the dream job of being an author that I long to have.

I have to do alot of inner work this week to have it be okay for me not be in a job that I'm never going to be fulfilled at, that I'll never get more than a Meets on a yearly review, and that I'll never be promoted. I don't want these types of career things anymore, I want different things. But I have to come to terms with my decision and give myself permission to be a mediocre corporate worker, so I can be a good author of books and screenplays. Maybe I've always been a mediocre corporate slave and just never knew it. I don't know.

I'm just blown away by this insight I had about myself this morning. I had no idea I was still holding on to being promoted at my job, being assigned important projects, and getting noticed and seen around the company. These are things I used to crave in my jobs and since I'm not getting them anymore, it's been freaking me out big time.

I'm so incoherent right now, I know. I'm just blown away by what should have been a simple thing to do for myself and I should have done for myself six years ago and I'm mad at myself because I didn't do this six years ago. I can't help asking myself how far would my writing have progressed had I given permission to myself to not do well at my job six years ago.

I haven't been sleeping well and now I am run down and getting sick. Not sure if it's allergies or if it's the rain, but my nose is all runny and I feel crummy. I got at 4:30 am, left home at 6 am to drive to a division meeting two hours away in Sacramento. On the drive back it started raining, and it took me 3 hours to get home. Thank god there weren't any accidents on the freeways, otherwise it would have taken longer.

I am just happy to have gotten home accident free. I know how to drive in rain, but it is still nerve racking to drive in rush hour rainy traffic. I was so proud of myself driving in rush hour traffic. I used to do it regularly, but I haven't had to drive to work in two years and I was beginning to think I was losing my commuting driving skills.

Having learnt to drive on a small island with a two-lane road, I was deathly afraid of driving in San Francisco for a long time. Five lane freeways used to just scare the heck out of me until I had to drive down the Peninsula to work every day for two years at the height of the dot com boom, when the traffic between San Francisco to the South Bay was manic and intense. Now I'm a decent commute driver, and on a rainy day like today I was glad I had that experience.

A friend is picking me up at 6 am tomorrow to drive down to Monterey for an all day seminar, so I have another long day and drive ahead of me tomorrow. Thank god I'm not driving! I am exhausted!

I wear this necklace around my neck called a super receptor. It's a health device that is supposed to help your body function better, but something is happening to it or maybe something is happening to me. It doesn't seem to have the same effect that it had when I first started wearing it in 2003. I let my friend S at work feel it today, and she noted that it wasn't as powerful as it was when she first saw it a few months ago. S said she still feels something, but it isn't as strong as it used to be.

I took it off on Saturday before my kineseology session and I usually feel lost without it, but for some reason I forgot I took it off until later that night. As an avid reader of several new age boards, I've read so many posts and articles in the last two years about how people feel that their frequencies are changing and that there is some kind of shift happening in the world and in their bodies. I've felt the changes in frequences and shifts as well, and I think it's affecting the way my necklace is working. My necklace used to have a such a powerful effect on me, but not anymore.

Everyone says there will be another large frequency shift and change happening during the new moon eclipse on March 29. My intuition tells me that they are right and sadly after that date, I don't think my super receptor will work for me anymore.

S thinks it might because I am taking my etherium supplements and they are having an effect on my energies and frequencies, which are rendering my super receptor ineffective. I mean, this is good news and all because it means it's a sign of growth and change in my body that can only mean my health is getting better. But then I'm thinking, oh great, I'm going to have to look for another device to keep furthering my body's return to good health.

I really like my necklace. It's made me feel safe and protected, and it would be such a bummer to find out after March 29 that it is no longer having the same effect. I wonder if other necklace wearers are feeling the same thing.

I could change the amethyst stone on the necklace, but my intuition tells me that a change in gemstone will not help. The necklace just won't work for me anymore

The new age boards say that the changes and shifts in frequencies are only happening to certain people, and I guess I'm one of them because I'm a sensitive and an intuitive with my four clairs (clairaudient, clairsentience, claircognizance, clairvoyance) intact and going strong and getting stronger every day.

Information on the Vesica Pisces symbol. I meditate in mine and feel JC's presence. I had visions of myself sitting in a Vesica Pisces symbol in ancient Egypt and worshipping Sekhmet. The ancient Egyptian goddess Sekhmet is known as the Eye of Ra. She is the power that protects the good and annihilates the wicked. Sekhmet is the wrathful form of Hathor (goddess of joy, music, dance, sexual love, pregnancy and birth). With leonine head, female human body and the strength of her father, she is the noontime sun --- intense blinding heat.

Vesica Pisces symbol information taken from the Medicine Garden website.

THE VESICA PISCES SYMBOL AND ITS MANY MEANINGS OVER THE AGES...

There is an old symbol, much older than anyone can remember, beyond Christianity, beyond Rome, Greece and Mesopotamia. It is known as the Vesica Pisces symbol. Latin translation calls it the fish bladder. But don't be detoured by this name. Looking like two circles overlapping one another, it has been called the symbol of the 'fish' (because it is shaped like one where the circles overlap) or 'the eye of God,' because it looks like the shape of an eye, as well. I call it The Eye. Eye of Horus, for example. There are many 'eye' motif's and myths/legends around the world.
The Vesica Pisces is easily one of the most profound geometrical images of ancient and modern times. It is, for example, considered to be an integral part of the Ark of the Covenant, as described and shown figuratively by ka-gold's version of the Vesica Pisces. The latter article, in fact, ties in rather nicely with the so-called Hourglass Nebula described at the end of this Alexandrian webpage.

Essentially the intersection of two, overlapping spheres, the Vesica Pisces (including the interior portion of it, and/or the more common two dimensional version) represents, among other things:
1. The joining of God and Goddess to create an offspring.
2. A symbol for Jesus Christ.
3. In art a pointed oval used as an aureole in medieval sculpture and painting.
4. The uterus of the female goddess (or Mother Mary's womb).
5. The basic motif in the Flower of Life.
6. An overlay of the Tree of Life.
7. The formative power of polygons in mathematics.
8. A geometrical description of square roots and harmonic proportions.
9. A source of immense power and energy.
10. As such, it is also a doorway or portal between worlds, and symbolizes the intersection between the heaven and the material plane. The shape of arches in gothic architecture is based on the vesica.
11. The shape of the Vesica Pisces is derived from the intersection of two circles, the Pythagorean "measure of the fish" that was a mystical symbol of the intersection of the world of the divine with the world of matter and the beginning of creation. To the Pythagoreans, the whole of creation was based on number, and by studying the properties of number, they believed one could achieve spiritual liberation. The Vesica pisces was the symbol of the first manifestation, the dyad that gives birth to the entire manifest universe. Within the Vesica can be found the triangle, the tetrad, the square, the pentacle, and many more polygons, making the Vesica a true symbolic womb.
12. The shape of the Vesica Pisces is derived from the intersection of two circles, the Pythagorean "measure of the fish" that was a mystical symbol of the intersection of the world of the divine with the world of matter and the beginning of creation. The Vesica Pisces is used in a wide range of symbolism.
13. The Latin term Vesica Pisces, meaning "Vessel of the Fish" is the most basic and important construction in Sacred Geometry. A Vesica is formed when the circumference of two identical circles each pass through the center of the other. When a Vesica Pisces is viewed horizontally, it looks like a vagina or a womb which is why the Christ child was often pictured inside of one. When the Vesica Pisces is viewed vertically it looks like the shape of a fish. Amazingly, the above two Vesica Pisces each have a horizontal axis equal in length to the gematria value of the Greek word for "fishes."
14. The Vesica Pisces is an ancient symbol used in Pagan culture, Christian symbolism and sacred geometry, as well as various other belief systems. This enduring symbol is so old that I would suggest it was 'born' during the age of Lemuria, the first world upon Earth, eons ago.
15. The two overlapping circles represent the physical world on one side and the causal or spiritual world on the other. The section where they intersect is the akashic or etheric level and is the "bridge between heaven and earth."
In the earliest traditions, the supreme being was represented by a sphere, the symbol of a being with no beginning and no end, continually existing, perfectly formed and profoundly symmetrical. The addition of a second sphere represented the expansion of unity into the duality of male and female, god and goddess. By overlapping, the two spheres, the god and goddess created a divine offspring. It also shows the integration of the male/female that Carl Jung has talked about and that is the path to the Individuation process. The Vesica Pisces motif (and its derivatives, the Flower of Life, Tree of Life, and fundamentals of geometry) has a history of thousands of years and easily predates virtually all major religions of the current era.
The son or daughter of the god and goddess is associated with the overlapping of the spheres -- the resulting three dimensional figure somewhat like an American football. In the case of Jesus Christ, the two dimensional figure has also served as a symbol for the miracle of the fishes. (The "tail" also served to more easily identify the source of the plane figure.) There is also conveyed the spiritual power originating from the interior of this symbol.

Virtually every medieval church in Europe uses as a standard motif, the Vesica Pisces in two dimensions. The fact many of these churches were dedicated to the Virgin Mary or to Mary Madagalene (aka the goddess) is simply part of the understanding. Several of the churches in northern France are even located in such a manner that their points of light recreate the "lights" of the constellation Virgo. In Glastonbury, England, the site normally attributed to Avalon (the island of the Goddess), is also where the Chapel of St. Mary is located -- the latter which is apparently patterned with the use of the Vesica Pisces.

The goddess of any and all religions which recognize her power and significance invariably use the Vesica Pisces to identify her. From the overlapping pools of water and the chalice well cover in the goddess's garden in Glastonbury (aka Avalon) to any number of representations of the Tree of Life, the goddess and her ability to create and birth life are celebrated.
Robert Lawlor, in one of the best books available on Sacred Geometry [Thames and Hudson, 1982] notes that the Ö3 contained within the Vesica Pisces is "the formative power giving rise to the polygonal 'world'."

In Mark Percy's Appendix to the unique book, Two Thirds, [Aulis Publishers, London, 1993] the square roots of 2, 3, and 5 (three of the first digits in the Fibonacci Numbers) can be geometrically calculated. This is just an inkling of the possibilities. And, for those who are into mathematics, 3 - Square Root of Three - 1.732 : 1 - Vesica Pisces.

In 1996, a Crop Circle in the shape of the Vesica Pisces appeared in England. Anyone stepping into the inner portion of the two circles' intersection could feel a sudden rush of energy. More dramatically, is the Hubble Space Telescope photo of the ineptly named Hourglass Nebula http://hubblesite.org, in the center of which is a dramatic, colorful object, supposedly the remnants of a dying star (one about the size of our Sun). The green spot, in fact, is larger than the size of our solar system! The photograph is so dramatic, in fact, that it has appeared on the cover of National Geographic [April 1997]. The fact that it is out in space, in our spiral armed galaxy makes this a symbol of the Universe, not just on our Earth.

Many people experience many sensations in the eye . You can suddenly be pulled forward until you feel like you're going to tip over your toes and fall. Or, you can feel pulled backward to the point where you think you're going to fall over. Or, you may feel a strong pull from your left or right shoulder. It may seem that you're doing what I call, 'adjusting' by moving one way or another. This adjustment is about getting your aura or energy field, back into balance and harmony. Once that is accomplished in the eye, you then can experience an incredible amount of things.

Some people see a color or two. Others see a person, sometimes, their Master or spirit guide or a loved one that has passed over. Or, some will hear music, or their hearing will be sharpened and accentuated. Words, sentences or instructions may be given. Other times, places, incarnations or your home planet may be shown to you. No two people will ever have the same experience because they are uniquely different.

What is the point of working in the eye of the VP? This is a way to access our own integration process, clean out our dirty laundry within us (our wounds/negative emotions, ect.), and heal yourself. When you sit and meditate in the eye, this is one of the most profound experiences you can have.

The VP is about healing. And opening up. Don't be surprised if your heart chakra flies open and you feel tremendous love pouring down through you. As you are filled up with this love from the Universe, you, in turn, can give to others. It is a win-win situation.

The VP can put you in touch with a special teacher in Spirit. You can receive positive and reinforcing guidance as well. Past lifetimes may unroll like film on a movie screen to you, too. The VP, in the finest sense of the word, is a DOORWAY. To where? Well, you must sit in there and find out. The VP is not only a doorway, but it is catalytic as well. You cannot sit in the VP and not change for the better. It will accentuate your true, authentic self and bring you to full bloom if you allow it to work with you.

Reports of going through a worm hole, a 'star gate', flying through the galaxy or through the Universe have also been experienced. Even more profound, going 'home' to your home place where your soul was birthed (and we all have such a place where we have come from and return to between incarnations).

The VP is a mystical opening into the other dimensions, a gate, a door or whatever you want to call it. When you sit or lie down in the VP (make sure your entire body is within the eye or lens/fish, no part of it outside it), something will happen. First, your aura will adjusted and harmonized. Once you are in harmony, then your healing begins.

I would suggest a twenty minute meditation daily in the eye of the VP. Be sure to keep a journal or diary of what you feel, hear, see or experience. Over time, you will see that each journey is like a piece to a greater motif that is you.

OTHER HEALING USES OF THE VESICA PISCES
Feeling stressed out? Go sit or lie down in the The Eye of the symbol. If you are upset, angry or losing patience, go sit in the eye for about five to ten minutes. Amazingly, all the anger or impatience or feeling out of sorts, will simply dissolve away and you'll feel strong, steady and in your 'core' being where there is a sense of solidness and peacefulness.
Worried? Anxious? Panic attack? Want to get rid of these awful feelings? Go sit or lie down in the lens/eye for ten to twenty minutes and feels all this unwanted energy dissipate and dissolve. You'll come out of there feeling like a new person.

Sick? Have a headache? Experiencing arthritis? Go sit or lay down in the lens/eye for ten to twenty minutes and see what happens. You'll be feeling a lot better when you leave the VP.
You see, the VP is our very own, private doorway to the Universe in every possible and conceivable way. You can turn negative into positive. Separation or duality into Oneness. ain into no pain. Sharp, hurtful emotions move into a feeling of peace and harmony.

I finally got around to viewing the "What the bleep?" movie, and it wasn't at all what I expected. I had first heard about the movie in an seminar given by a writing agent from New York last year. Someone in the seminar brought it up and said it was like some Ramtha movie. I am so not into the whole JZ Knight and the being she channels named Ramtha. I mean, who the heck wants to hear the rantings of some being who claims to be from Atlantis? I looked up the website for JZ Knight and Ramtha and so did not get a good feeling about the Ramtha being. But I am biased and do not get great feelings about anything having to do with Atlantis anyway. Those people destroyed their own world by their greed, and I do not think they are the idyllic paradise that everyone in the New Age movement makes the place out to be.

But the movie wasn't about Ramtha at all. It was all about quantum physics and how quantum physics is starting to explain spiritual experiences. I heard someone say in an interview a very long time ago that the science that once rejected God and spiritual experiences will in the future lead us back to God and spiritual experiences, or something like that.

Ramtha was talking in the movie yes, but so were all these other scientists and doctors with serious knowledge of the human body and quantum physics. I wished that person in the seminar hadn't said it was a Ramtha movie, because after researching Ramtha I did not want to see the movie. Now I wish I had because the movie really does make a ton of sense and explains to me so many things that I've been interested in and researching since I was 13 years old. The movie connected so many dots before me, and Ramtha was like this disembodied voice speaking and not really making much sense compared to the scientists and doctors.

Now I'm in Dr. Emoto and his messages with water. I want to read the book and check it out. My friend K and I saw the book at the japanese spa we went to two years ago for my birthday. The guy is totally cool and very interesting and I love the crystals that the water forms after you expose it to words like love and thank you.

I'm sitting in this device called a Vesica Pisces symbol which is supposed to be a doorway or portal between worlds, and which also symbolizes the intersection between the heaven and the material plane. You can make it yourself and sit in it to relieve stress, so this aritcle says, and to have strange visions.

Who knows if all of this is true, but yesterday I visited the Pleiades cluster in the constellation of Taurus and saw one of their planets. It was a strange desert planet with two suns and two moons. I also visited one of the planets in the Andromedan Galaxy, which was so lush and beautiful. The planet looked alot like earth, only lusher and greener.

I also have my pyramid on my head and took some of my Shamir. For the last couple of hours, I've been hearing my elfgirl character speaking in my head. This is the story she wants to tell.

*********************
If you want to know the real truth of how the world began and then was reborn, you cannot ask someone who can only take you back to Atlantis. Atlantis was the land of those fragile human hybrids and that Enlil and Enki made. Their magic was nothing compared to what was in Lemuria, but Atlantis is all current humankind knows and so they worship as if it was magical place. But perhaps they can be forgiven for Atlantis is all they know of as their memories do not go back that far. Those degenerate humans were not even one of the original root races. There were other humans before them, stronger and taller with all of their 12-strand DNA intact. The hybrid humans that Enlil and Enki made were given only 2-strand DNA, easier to control they said and not so rebellious.

Father and my uncle Shankul had first seen the visions which predicted the ending of our world. We did not know it at the time for they only revealed that far into the distant future one person would come first at the turning of the first millineum and then again later after the turning of the second millenium in the history of the hybrid humans who would restore the seven root races to their rightful place on earth. For in the future, my father and uncle had seen no elves, no fairies, no dwarvs, no merpeople, and if there were devas and angels there were hidden and only revealed themselves when needed by the new humans.

We had laughed back then. Imagining a world without the seven root races was unthinkable. We had lived on the planet for centuries, peacefully for the most part. But then the star visitors came from the Pleiadian cluster they said, and with them their brethren from the Andromedan galaxy. No one saw them as a threat. We had had other visitors from other planets before, though none of the root races had any wish to travel off our own planet. The visitors from the distant stars had always been peaceful, always bringing new plant species and animals and new devices for the root races to try. Some of their teachers even settled on our planet and taught in the many schools for the star visitors often had powers none of us had ever seen.

But the Pleiadians were different as were the Andromedans, although we did not know it at first. It was only later when the enslavements started did we come to know their true natures. Until their arrival, slavery was an unheard of concept. Who would want to own another creature and take away their free will? Such an idea was horrifying and would surely lead to war with the people that one was attempting to enslave. Why even attempt it? But we were not to know then that the star visitors that had come the Pleiades and the Andromedan galaxy were the dark lords, banished from their land for their greed and for their evil. There would be other Pleiadian and Andromedans who would come later to the planet, to try to undo much of their outcasts had bulit, lords of light and peace, a people much like the seven root races. But the evils that the star dark lords and their accomplices Enlil and Enki unfurled would be hard to check, hard to hold back, hard to root out.

The memories come back but they are in pieces, fractured and dreamlike. I was but a young girl back then, about to embark on my schooling. It was the visions that should have warned us. The visions that my uncle Shankul had, and then my father, and which eventually spread among the populace. Even I was not immune to them although I never took them seriously for there too fantastical.

In your world. the turning of the second millenium has come and cosmic stargates are opening. New children are coming into the world who have been sent to try to restore order to the planet. The frequences are shifting and shift daily, and as my father had seen in the visions and which my uncle would later prophesize, at the end of the third month in the sixth year after the turn of the second millenium, the frequencies will open and the veils between the worlds will thin. Those that have chosen to follow the One will be spared, and those that have aligned themselves with the darkness of their forefathers, the ancestors of Enlil and Enki and their Pleiadian and Andromedan dark lords and the triumverate of evil which is again trying to reassert its presence of the planet will be doomed.

My uncle always said that one must always choose between the light and darkness. There is no middle ground. The darkness will always choose to extinguish the light, and the light will always try to light the darkness. So one must choose and choose wisely at every moment.
************************************

I think I used to have ADD or ADHD when I was a kid, one of the two or both. But I had it back in the day when no one really knew what ADD/ADHD was and the only way to treat it was to banish kids out of class. I spent most of my first grade outside of class for bad behavior, not paying attention, telling my teacher I was bored, and then to add insult to injury I constantly argued with her that cats did not sound how we were reading them in books. What a freaky six-year I was arguing with my first grade teacher who was probably in her 40's or 50's. My mother told me I did the same thing in kindergarten teacher because I refused to take a nap and I constantly argued with my teacher when she said things that didn't make sense. Those poor ladies told my mother I had a learning disability and was very SLOW.

But I don't care because I had my revenge on both of them even though I know they meant well when they told my mother I was STUPID and SLOW! By fourth grade I was tested as a having a 9th grade reading level.

But having ADD/ADHD means that I have issues about time and clutter to this day. I found the following in an email about children with ADD which so explains certain things about myself. I get a ton of stuff done, heck I've run the NYC marathon three times and finished c0llege for god's sake, but I feel like ADD/ADHD child personality coming out when it comes to writing and sometimes to housework and cleaning up. My third grade teacher, I was age 8 then so I think it' third grade, made the class keep a journal that we had to turn in. That year we also wrote stories, printed them ourselves on nice paper, and then illustrated them. Afterwards, all of our mini books were donated to the school library so other kids could check them out and read them.

I forgot I was self-published at age 8. How funny is that! I wanted to be a writer at age 8 because of I thought it was so cool to have other people read my stories. I mean, it makes sense doesn't it, that my writing self is an ADD/ADHD child since I got the writing bug at that age. My third grade teacher told me I was a great writer, and encouraged me to pursue it, but I think she said to that everyone in the class. I mean, what else would have been the whole point of the exercise if not to encourage the whole class to become writers. Reading these tips for ADD/ADHD kids makes me think I should apply them to my young ADD/ADHD writing self, because she is in serious rebellion right now and refuses to write.

Recommended many practical approaches that you can do at home to help your ADD/ADHD child

A Home Work Binder – ADD/ADHD children need all of their information in one central location, so they only have to keep trackof one item. Put several spiral notebooks in a binder, (one for each subject at school) and staple a large envelopeto the front of each spiral. All homework gets put in the envelopes,and only taken out to work on or turn in. All written info for the class, including homework assignments, is kept in the correct spiral, and is not removed unless turning in. Pencils and other supplies need to be kept filled in a pencil bag in the binder.

Home Calendar – ADD/ADHD children need one location at home to check for assignments, appointments, holidays, chores, etc. Place one large calendar in a central location in the house where your child can check their schedule. (this is why Palms and their knockoffs were invented and yes I have one).

Organized Bedroom – in Baby Steps!! It is overwhelming to an ADD/ADHD child to have to clean aroom all at once. It needs to be broken down in small steps, so a child can see the light at the end of the tunnel. (this really applies to novels)

Minimizing – Find out what your ADD/ADHD child palys with , and then get rid of everything else! ADD/ADHD children cannot function in chaos. Chaos breeds chaos, and their minds need peace to help themfocus. Go through all the toys, closets, etc, and get rid of as much as possible. This will also make it easier for your child to keep a clean room.

Daily Schedule – Writie down a schedule for your ADD/ADHD child, and having the child refer to it during the day. When to take medicine,when to do homework, etc. and post it near the calendar to help your child remember what comes next. (Routines work!!!!)

I started reading Nicholas Sparks' "Message in a Bottle" this morning. Yes, I know, the man is a like such a sappy happy writer, but I love his books. They are easy to read on the train, very engaging, and reading it is like watching a soap opera. The guy is like a male Danielle Steel, and I used to have such a thing for her books.

I read "A Walk to Remember" and I was surprised how good the book was compared to the very boring movie. I never fall asleep during a movie, but I fell asleep several times to the movie version of the this book. I liked the book and how he wrote it in first person so much, that I bought it used at a bookstore so I could use it for reference as I write my novels in first person.

And no, I will not rent the movie but instead wait for it to come on TV. I don't want to be disappointed by another bad Nicholas Sparks movie adaptation.

I have screenwriting seminar tomorrow and I haven't done a bit of writing. Breakups are bad for my writing muse. All she wants to do is moon about and long the lost of her love. Still it must have that been that bad of a breakup because my kineseologist whom I saw today, said that he noted that my immune system was working quite well which meant to him that I was not experiencing much stress or emotional trauma. So much for the trauma of a breakup with a man I was prepared to move to Lala land for.

So I am comforting myself by watching A&E's "Pride and Prejudice" on DVD which I just purchased today at Costco for $16.99. It was such a good deal that I had to purchase it. I videotaped it but the DVD unlike my videotapes have no commercials.

I am also being quite domestic and cooking some corned beef and cabbage in honour of St. Patrick's Day. I had the dish for lunch at Max's yesterday which I thoroughly enjoyed and since I love the dish, I decided to make it myself so I could eat it my fill. There is something very yummy about salty boiled meat and veggies. It's such a hardy dish.

But I supposed I should write something to take into my seminar, even though I am so over screenwriting and want to concentrate on writing novels instead. I think this is the last class and I will not be renewing. I really like this screenwriting group; they are such nice people. Two people in my group have their screenplays circulating around Hollywood right now.

One of the screenplays is a horror movie and the other one is I believe the female version of "Brokeback Mountain, which I understand Hollywood producers are hot on the trail of.

I did make notes to rewrite the beginning of my screenplay, and I suppose I could write a few pages to take to my seminar tomorrow.

I'm not a very good writer I dare say right now, even though I have been doing freewrites.

I love having money! I know that sound awful, but it's true! I just paid off my trip to Hawaii and a store credit card that I used to purchase my whole new wardrboe last year, and YES, it feels so good!

Of course, my fantasy is that one day I'll be able to pay cash for stuff like a vacation and that cash will come from the money I earn from publishing and selling my stories. That day will come soon, but until then I'll pay my bills over time like everyone else in America.

I am happy with myself. This is my third day of doing timed freewrites. I have not written three days in a row in a long time. I even have the goal of finishing the last chapter of my Texas novel this week so I can say "I completed a novel, yeah me!"

Tonight's freewrite started with "I remember" but this time a character came through. Some kind of science fiction character talking about meeting alien invaders for the first time as a young girl in her father's court. The alien invaders were all beautiful men, strong and dressed in white jumpsuits with silver capes. They had silver hair, and they had the power to read thoughts. Once an alien invader reads the thoughts of a human, they are then able to tune into the mind of that particular person and once they tune in they can control their body reactions and functions. It's not quite mind control, but the aliens are able to manipulate body reactions. It's kind of cool because the manipulation of body reactions can make a person think they are experiencing a certain emotion, when in fact they might not be. I like it because it's creepy and interesting at the same time.

Think about it. If you see a person and have an excited reaction, wouldn't you kind of think you were attracted and lusting after the person. What if that weren't true? What if the body reactions you were experiencing were being manipulated by an outside force? It's not exactly mind control because they're not taking over your mind They're just manipulating your body's response to stimulus to suit their own ends. And how would you catch them? How many people know their own mind and body well enough to know when the two are not feeling and thinking the same thing? Very few I think. Of course, someone will catch on eventually. But by then it will be too late.