Don't believe everything the media tells you about San Francisco. Many people who live in San Francisco support Bush's war on Iraq. We are a diverse people with many opinions! I so resent the media trying to stereotype those of us who live here. For heaven's sake, there were Bush/Cheney signs in windows in my neighbourhood during the 2000 election.

I used to think everyone in the 60's was a free-love hippie. That's the what media would have you believe. When I studied the history of the 60's, I discovered hippies were a small percentage of society but you'd never get that impression from the news report.

And yes, although I do support the president's war on Iraq, I just about despise everything else Bush is doing to our country.

I had just gotten into my car to drive to bible study class, when I turned on the radio and heard the end of Bush's speech saying that the war had started. It was so shocking. The news reports were saying that the war wouldn't start till tomorrow.

I thought about not going to class and staying hope to watch the war unfold on CNN, but I decided that I needed to act normally and go to class. When I got to church my pastor was visibly freaked out, and was thinking about cancelling class. Almost everyone showed up, so he changed his mind and we had class.

It was weird being in bible class, knowing that a war was going on, but it was also such a great distraction for my worried mind. Our bible discussions are so intense and lively, that I forgot for a couple of hours that my country was at war. A war that I cautiously support, although a big part of me knows that war is just plain wrong.

I pray for the US troops fighting this war, and hope against hope that they come safe and alive.

I don't know what's freaking me out more, the upcoming war on Iraq or:

1) the superflu bug that seems to be spreading around the globe. "The Stand" by Stephen King is one of my favorite books, and you bet I thought of the "Captain Tripps" virus when I read this headline;
2) the thought of retaliatory terrorists strikes by Al-Queda or Iraqi sleeper cells in the US;
3) Saddam Hussein launching chemical/biological weapons on US troops;
4) Saddam Hussein launching nuclear weapons against US troops;
5) Saddam Hussein attacking Israel;
6) Saddam Hussein launching chem/bio/nuclear weapons against US interests outside of Iraq;
7) Saddam Huseein launching chem/bio/nuclear weapons at the US;
8) the crazy North Koreans launching a pre-emptive strike against the US, while we're at war with Iraq;
9) watching the body bags of our troops come home on TV;
10) CNN showing all the civilian casualties in Iraq;
11) a repeat of what happened to the Japanese during WW2, but this time happening to anyone from Iraq or or arabic descent.
12) hate crimes against people of middle eastern descent.

I can go on and on, but I'm freaking myself out even more just to list my fears.

It's a crazy, crazy world and it's not going to get any better soon.

The following was sent via email to all members of my church on the upcoming war.

Subject: [PCUSANEWS] Church leaders issue pastoral letter on war

Note #7628 from PCUSA NEWS to PRESBYNEWS:

Church leaders issue pastoral letter on war
03142
March 19, 2003

Church leaders issue pastoral letter on war

Presbyterians urged to place their trust in Jesus Christ by Jerry L. Van Marter

LOUISVILLE - With a U.S.-led war against Iraq all but certain, three leaders of the Presbyterian Church (USA) have issued a pastoral letter to all Presbyterians, calling for prayer and fasting in support of all who will be in danger in the event of war.

The March 18 letter is signed by the General Assembly moderator, the Rev. Fahed Abu-Akel, the PC(USA)'s stated clerk, the Rev. Clifton Kirkpatrick, and John Detterick, executive director of the General Assembly Council.

It acknowledges that Presbyterians "represent many different views regarding the best response to the threats posed by Saddam Hussein," and urges members of the denomination "to remember that our ultimate security is in the One who says to us: 'Take courage, I have conquered the world' (John 16:33)."

The full text of the pastoral letter:

Dear Sisters and Brothers,

We write to you today with heavy hearts, believing that short of a miracle, the beginning of full-scale military action against Iraq is imminent. In his address Monday night, our President left little room for the fading hope that war could be avoided.

We know that as the specter of war hangs over us all, those for whom it is most painful are those who find themselves in imminent danger, including U.S. military personnel prepared for combat, Iraqi soldiers ordered into place to defend their country and the citizens of Iraq who will find themselves the unintended objects of destruction and death. We cannot help
but think, also, of all the families, churches, businesses, and other communities whose circles have been broken by the call to bear arms. Though we know all too well the real toll of every war, it is our fervent prayer that God will offer protection to all those who are placed in harm's way by decisions not of their own making.

As we are in the midst of Lent and looking toward Holy Week and Easter, we call upon you to join us in prayer and fasting for all these named above, and also for the leaders of our nation, the leaders of Iraq and of all the nations of the earth. We are praying especially for those leaders in whose hands lie both the implements of war and the instruments of peace. We dare
to hope that whatever military action there is will be brief and that when the destruction has ended, the community of nations will come together to bring restoration. We urge Presbyterians to be in the forefront of efforts to rebuild Iraq, to support the United Nations and to work for peace and justice in the Middle East.

We are a diverse church, called into life by the Triune God, who is known to us in Jesus Christ. We represent many different views regarding the best response to threats posed by Saddam Hussein. Yet we are one in our faith in Jesus Christ as both the source of our salvation and the ground of our security. We urge you to remember that our ultimate security is in the One
who says to us, "Take courage; I have conquered the world" (John 16:33).

We know that you will be gathering in many places in the weeks ahead to pray, to study, perhaps to grieve and to support one another. Please take advantage of the resources that are available to you on our church's web site, www.pcusa.org/iraq. Many of these have been prepared for such a time as this.

"And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7)

In the love of Christ and the hope of His Resurrection,
Fahed Abu-Akel, Moderator
Clifton Kirkpatrick, Stated Clerk
John Detterick, Executive Director

People are talking about shutting down the city of San Francisco with protests and civil disobedience to stop the money war machine. San Francisco is is such an economic slump, and the city currently has the biggest glut of office space in last 20 years. San Francisco has already been economically damaged by the dot com bust, so it's not the ecnomic engine it used to be. San Francisco is in fact, an economic hell hole right now.

If protestors really wanted to shut down the economic war machine, they should shut down Washington DC and Pentagon City, or Wall Street in NYC, or the Chicago Board of Trade, and not my already economically ravaged city.

Personally, I think the anti-war protests and the shut down of the city will have the opposite effect. I think people will just get upset, and turn away from the anti-war protests. I'm listening to a representive from anti-war protest organizers, and he's totally pissing me off. He is such a jerk! Talk about whiny and not answering any directly any of the questions that people are asking him. He's worse than any slimy politicianm who won't answer a question directly. I can see the headlines now, downtown San Francisco workers getting into fights with anti-war protestors. Great!

Whatever. This is one of the few times I'm glad I don't work in the downtown Financial District of San Francisco.

I'm not sure what kind of paper The Guardian UK is, but a columnist had this to say about Tony Blair, Electrifying Blair goes into Churchill-Custer mode. Did I read this right? Tony Blair being compared to Winston Churchill?

News commentators here in the SF Bay Area are saying to check out Blair's speech to the House of Commons. It's supposed to be amazing, and they're predicting it will be studied for years as a great speech. Well done, Tony Blair!

Sorry, I'm just not all that chatty this week. I think all this talk of war is putting me into a bad mood. I support the president and our troops, but I'm starting to become frightened of all this talk of retaliation from Al-Queda and Iraq. I know most of it is talk and rhetoric, but still it's frightening.

And all these darn protests here, I don't know. Wouldn't it make more sense to protest in a city where people are more supportive of the war? Like how about NYC or DC or Dallas or Atlanta? It's a mystery. I just hope people support our troops, and don't treat them as badly as they did the Vietnam war vets.

Last night I went through my closet and threw out five shopping bags of clothing, and the whole process was so upsetting. I think I threw out $2,000 worth of clothes, and it freaks me out. It makes me feel like I've been misallocating my financial resources. I know that some of the clothes are being thrown out because I lost weight and the clothes don't fit anymore, but it still freaks me out. I feel like such a wasteful clotheshorse. I threw out 9 pairs of pants.

Some of the clothes I'm getting rid of are not my style anymore either. I threw out two pairs of wool shorts, that I used to wear in the winter time to work with a blazer and heels. I tried them on last night, and I felt so old fashioned. Do people still wear outfits like this? I know I wouldn't be caught dead in them anymore.

Some of the clothes being thrown out were just old and I was holding on to them for sentimental reasons. There were a couple of outfits I bought while on vacation, that I haven't worn since those vacations. You know, funky tropical clothes that look great on while you're on vacation, but look so touristy at home. I threw out belts, hats, and old scarves. I have belts that are now too big for me. What a trip!

I think I need to be more careful about my clothing purchases. I threw out clothes and a pair of shoes that I've never worn. I think I bought them on sale, but then never ever had an opportunity to wear them. It's so wasteful! I'm so wasteful!

And yes, can you tell I'm bummed about what I threw out last night? The only two good things that came out of this whole process is 1) I have more space in my closet and 2) charitable tax deductions.

I'm being so festive. I'm cooking up some corned beef and cabbage. Okay, yes I'm eating meat and I'm a semi-vegeterian, but I love corned beef! This is one of the few times of the year I'll eat the stuff. What's a St. Patrick's Day without corned beef and cabbage.

If I was more ambitious, I'd whip up a batch of irish soda bread, but I'm still watching my calories.

I live in a neighbourhood in San Francisco, which has three of the most popular irish bars in the city. The St. Patrick's Day partying started last night, and people were shouting and I could hear them singing drunken songs all night long. I'm sure it will worse tonight. The police usually close off a couple of blocks just to accomodate all the partiers.

I have to be in the office very early tomorrow for a meeting, so no partying for me. I'm staying home and watching "Children of Dune", and eating corned beef and cabbage.

Busy weekend it seems. Too busy and tired to blog anyway.

I went to my health practitioner in Berkeley, and I told him about my allergies and half colds I was getting. He said my immune system just needed tuning up, so he did that. He told me the reasons I didn't get full colds was because my constitution was so strong. I laughed and told him, I don't feel that way. Then he did some other things.

Listening to the news as I write this, and the radio news announcer just announced that Robin Cook, who I believe is the British Foreign Secretary has just resigned in protest over Tony Blair's position on the war in Iraq. Poor Tony Blair. I read an article over the weekend, which said that Tony Blair sincerely believes in what he's doing, and that he is willing to risk his career for his beliefs. I rather like him, and I feel bad for him. The article said that Tony Blair did an about-face in standing with the US instead of the EU. Tony Blair will sadly be probably booted out of office, but I don't think there's anyone strong enough to succeed him.

The world is getting crazier. Don't you feel it? I was in Bali on vacation when the first gulf war started, and didn't come home till the end of January. It was weird being out of the country at the time, but probably good too. The war seemed surreal and far away, like it wasn't really happening, even though most of the hotel guests sat glued to watching the war on CNN enfold.

I turn the TV on every morning as soon as I get up. I know soon one morning, I'm going to turn on the TV and the war will have begun. I do not look forward to that morning.

I just saw the movie "The Pianist". I am so freaked out. Afterwards, I went to a mall to try to ground myself back into the current time period. I even looked at shoes, at my beloved Dansko Jade shoes, but I was too emotional to try them on.

I think I'm even more disturbed than when I saw "Schindler's List", because I saw Schindler's back to back with the movie "The Piano". I went from one emotional state with "The Piano", and into a completely different emotional state with Schindler's. Most of the time during Schindler's you could hear people crying. Someone was crying the whole time during "The Pianist".

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I think I was too horrified. Adrien Brody gave such subtle performance and Roman Polanski is a genius. I didn't know "The Pianist" was based on a true story. The real pianist lived in Warsaw till his death in 2000. He was eighty eight years old, and had written the story of his life.

Polanski does not paint his characters with black and white strokes. There was so much ambiguity in the movie. There were good jews, bad jews, good germans, bad germans, good poles and bad poles. I mean, he could have. He the director after all, but he didn't.

I am amazed by the will of the human spirit to live on, despite such hardships. I am amazed by how evil people can be, how cruel and how utterly horrifying their actions are sometimes. And what's truly amazing is that people can live on after expreriecing such terrible things, almost as if nothing has happened. The human will to survive to go is so strong, despite all our attempts to kill it.

The tears come now, after I've written all of this. Maybe writing helps me release the emotions that built up as I watched "The Pianist". I feel a need to read this man's story, although it will be a very heart wrenching thing to do. Did music keep him alive? How did he survive into another century, and not go insane?

My own concerns seem so petty to me now. My need for material things seem so blasphemous even, after having watched people scrounge for food and their very survival for 2.5 hours.

Will this movie win "Best Picture" on Oscar night? I don't know. It's such a subtle movie. Roman Polanski's set and depiction of the events in Warsaw during World War 2 was meticulous. I believ Polanski survived the Warsaw Ghetto as a child, and I'm sure this added to the authenticity of the movie.

"The Pianist" won the best picture prize at the Cannes Film Festival, but I think this movie may be too subtle for Hollywood. And Polanski's misdeeds with 13 year old girls doesn't endear him to many people. "The Pianist" is an incredible piece of filmmaking, but perhaps a friend is right. She said that the country is in such an emotional mood right now, that "The Pianist might be too much". She thinks that "Chicago will win best picture because people want escapist movies right now.

She says our current reality of an upcoming war, terrorists scares and our 9/11 post traumatic stress disorder is just too much to deal with, and that "Chicago" is the only light hearted film that lets the moviegoer escape from the real world. She may be right. Too bad. I think in any other year, "The Pianist" and any of the other movies nominated might have won.

I think I'm going to be freaked out all weekend. But it's okay. A great movie does that you sometimes.

This is so not good. They are laying off teachers everywhere in the San Francisco Bay Area. I was listening to the radio yesterday afternoon, and teachers were calling in and saying that layoffs were happening in Oakland, San Jose and Gilroy. There was an article on SFGATE.com today, which said that teachers in San Francisco will also be laid off.

I hate those California Teachers Association radio commercials. I don't hate the message, I just hate the speaker's voice beacuse he sounds whiny and militant. The commercials say "there's an education recession", but what they don't say is everyone is suffering with this bad economy. The union makes it sound like teachers are being singled out, and that's just not true. Everyone is financially hurting.

I'm torn because I know the state has to make budget cuts. The money has to come from somewhere, and I think I would rather have it come from education rathen than from social services. Children at least have parents, one hopes, to take care of them. But what about the people who can't take care of themselves like the mentally challenged (mentally ill) and the physically challenged (disabled)? They have to taken care of by the state. Part of me still blames San Francisco's homeless isssues on the closure of social service facilities in the 1980's. I wasn't living in the area back then, but I know the history. The people affected by the closures had no where to live, but the streets.

But I do feel sorry for the teachers getting laid off. Things in this world are so stressful right now, and I think I'm being stressed out by all of it. On the one hand, the news says that things aren't that bad, and the other hand they keep reporting about layoffs, new homes standing empty, and people being out of work for a very long time. It's so bipoloar. The facts that the news people are reporting just don't add up to the their stories about the economy being not that bad.

It's so confusing!

I had my Wednesday night bible class tonight, and of course there was some discussion about the war for Iraq. The pastor of my church, as is right I think, is definitely anti-war. One man in class who is a war veteran is for the war, as is this lawyer whom I totally respect and admire. The lawyer guys argued very persuasively that the war on Iraq is "just war", and like a lawyer he had several bible verses to back his argument up.

The pastor of my church admitted that Iraq may very well have weapons of mass destruction and that Hussein is a bad man, but he is against all forms of war because he said "violence begets violence". He agreed that Hussein needs to be disarmed, but that the US was going about in the wrong way.

After class I just had to ask him if he was against all wars, and would he be protesting against the war to free the slaves and end slavery. The pastor said he would be. He then told me that what we all needed to think about was, would we be willing to die for our ideas like Jesus. His question made me wonder if I would be willing to die for my country. I think I would, but I think my background has much to do with decision.

First, I have family members who have died as war veterans, and military service to country is a strong tradition in my family. Secondly, I was born and grew up in Hawaii, a state whose identity is so tied into the bombing of Pearl Harbour, that I was taught from Day 1 that patriotism is everything. Veteran's Day is a big deal in Hawaii, and all the islands have a visible military presence. In high school, we studied World War 2 zealously, and we had presentations in school by people who had experienced World War 2. The internment of Japanese people in camps was a big subject, and former camp members came to class to talk about their experience.

The pastor said something interesting at the end. He told me that he hoped he'd be willing to die for what he believed, but that you never know what you're going to do until you're faced with the decision. I think he's right.

I recently bought a new pair of glasses, which cost me over $300 including a custom built sun clip and coatings, and they don't fit. In fact, they hurt. It's so frustrating because I've had to go to the optometrists office three times now, and they still can't get it adjusted. I hate this! $300 is alot of money to pay for a pair of glasses that hurts my right ears.

And one of the adjusters there was so rude to me. She's young and doesn't seem to know what she's doing, and every time she's worked on my glasses, she sighs and acts like I'm the biggest pain in the butt. And I feel like telling her, "look, it's not my fault you don't know what the hell you're doing, but I just spent over $300 on a pair of glasses and I expect to be treated at least civily".

I've been trying to adjust the glasses myself, and I'm totally wrecking my glasses, but they really hurt my right ear. After I've been wearing them for an hour, my right ear starts to burn and hurt. I didn't want to go back to the optometrist's office to get my glasses adjusted again for the fourth time, but I'm going to have to. And I should do, just to make the stupid young chick mad. I'm going to keep on going back there, even though I can only get there on Saturday because the office is in downtown San Francisco, until they fix it.

And if they can't fix it, I'm going to ask for a refund or a new pair of glasses. I've never done that before, but I'm so frustrated right now. I'm sure the eyeglass adjuster is going to make a comment about how I've wrecked my glasses, but I don't care. I'm just going to say that I tried to fix it myself, since after three adjustments your office couldn't do it.

Wow! I just hate paying what is alot of money for me, $300+ , for something that makes my ear hurt and rude treatment from hired help. This is the first time I've ever had this kind of rotten experience from my optometrist, and this is the third pair of glasses in 6 years that I've bought from them.

I think it's just the glasses. I told the woman who sold them to me that I had concerns about the glasses fitting my wide head. She told me, "don't worry, we can adjust it." I'm like "yeah right".

What a pain! I have to rearrange my whole Saturday around getting my eyeglasses adjusted, with the possibility that the rude young girl who works will have to wait on me. I hate this! I so hate this!

Sometimes, I feel like this is the story of my life. I know it's not, but it sure feels like it right now.

I was so industrious tonight. I altered a pair of Calvin Klein shorts to fit my now smaller body. I was going to take them to my dry cleaners for alteration, but I decided to try it myself. It took me about 3 hours, but it's done and it doesn't look that bad. I'm so pleased with myself. All those years of sewing classes my mother sent me too may have come in handy after all.

I have two more pairs of CK shorts to alter, and I'll probably finish them up this weekend. It's not that I can't afford to buy new shorts, it's just that these shorts are only two - three years old and they don't make shorts in this style anymore. I'm only altering clothes that I totally love and cannot replace.

I'm definitely getting a pair of pants and my capris altered as well. If the person does a good job, I'll let her tackle my wool and linen pants.

A friend who lost 50 pounds threw out all her old fattie clothes, and is slowly rebuilding her wardrobe.
I'm throwing out many of my formerly fat clothes but not all. Clothes older than two years old are thrown out, unless it's "love" item. Clothes costing more than $70 are kept only if they can be altered. Clothes with broken anything or impossible to remove stains are also tossed. Clothes that

Mostly it's my pants and shorts that are grossly oversized now, but not my tops. I did notice my favorite gray silk shirt was hanging on me over the weekend, but it wasn't that bad. The only tops I'm getting rid are the extra large sweaters, and some of the tops. I'm consistently fitting into a medium size top now, so my larges are starting look less then spectacular. Stil, they're not too bad and I can probably keep wearing them until I throw them out.

From a 3/11/2003 article on SFGATE on the anniversary of NASDAQ's all time high,

"The past three years have seen the Nasdaq lose more than 70 percent of its value and more than $4 trillion in investor wealth, closing Monday at 1,278.37."

Where did all this money go? Granted it was all paper wealth, but what about people whose retirement plans were invested in this $4 trillion that has now disappeared? And what about companies who invest some of their capital in the stock market?

So like how many times has Sharon Stone been married? She's now married to Phil Bronstein, the editor of The San Francisco Chronicle. But according to the KGO News director Greg Tantum in an interview, he used to be married to Sharon Stone. Does Sharon Stone have a thing for news guys?

I'm feeling so poorly these days that I only have the energy for the small decisions in life like whether I need to buy these shoes, Dansko Jade. Now that I've lost a bunch of weight, I can once again fit into all my skirts. Unfortunately, I now need comfortable shoes to wear with my skirts. Ever since I had the heel pain, plantar fasciitis, in both feet no less I can only wear very comfortable well built shoes. Acupuncture cured my plantar fasciitis and I don't have the heel pains anymore, but I'm afraid of it coming back. I won't go back to wearing normal heels, and I refuse to wear comfortable but ugly flat old lady shoes.

European shoes are so comfortable, and stylish as well, even though they're painfully expensive at over $100 per pair. I now own Danskos, swedish Born, german Theresia, and ECCO shoes. I'd wear american shoes if they were built better. I love Dansko shoes. There are so comfortable and so stylish, plus you can get them in heel heights of two inches which make the shoes look so mod and trendy.

Does this mean you're shallow as heck when your most pressing decision in life is trying to decide whether to buy a pair of $100+ european shoes?

But check the shoe out. Isn't it cute? Don't you think it would so cute with long skirts as well as thigh high skirts with black opaque tights? I could wear them and walk around and be so comfortable.

I decided not to go to my church retreate this weekend. I was really looking forward to attending this year, but the topic for the retreat was something like "Globalization in World: A Christian Perspective", or something like that. There's been two anti-globalization seminars at church, and I didn't know if I could sit through a weekend of anti-globalization rhetoric.

I feel so bad about not wanting to go on the retreat, but I hate the topic. It's kind of typical of my church though, because after all the church is in San Francisco and I wonder how many other churches have a "Peace and Justice Committee". I am very pro-globalization. I love that the world is coming together, being connected, becoming one. I think whether you agree with globalization or not, it's already happening.

Part of the church retreat weekend was discussion of how the different religions respond to the globalization and the influence of western modern, and modern is American culture. Islamic countries fear the influence of the West, and one could argue that terrorism is a response to the invasion of American culture.

Plus, I am cautious supporter of the President's war on Iraq. My life is stressed out enough right now, and why would I want to add to the stress by a spending the weekend having to talk about the war. I think my church is 50% for the war and 50% against, so it's not like I wouldn't find people who won't support my position, but the anti-war people are so vocal and emotional about the war.

And we stopped praying for the troops in the middle east, despite the fact that several members now have children or relatives stationed there. It's so bad karma! I mean didn't Christ say "love your neighbor as you love yourself and do unto others as you have them do unto you". That's karma, which says for every action there is an reaction or as you sow, so shall you reap. So bad karma is when you treat someone in a way you wouldn't treat yourself, only karma says there will be reaction whereas christianity says "leave it to God's justice." To me it's all the same, because karma just says there will be a reaction to any action and assumes that God will decide the reaction.

I just know if I went to the church retreat, I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing my views for fear of being shunned. It's not that the church people are bad or anything, but the Iraq issue is so emotional for some people. I never understood the republican irrational hatred of Clinton, but there's an irrational hatred of everything Bush among some of my church members.

It's too bad, but maybe all for the better. I made an appointment to see that health practitioner in Berkeley on Saturday, whom I saw last year. He really helped me with some of my health issues, and I'm hoping to ask him what I need to do so I can stop getting colds and allergies.

Then on Sunday morning, I'm going to a preview event for the new Asian Art Museum. I became a member last year, and I'm really looking forward to viewing the location before it opens to the general public. The museum has more space now, and it will be displaying objects that have never been on display before. So exciting! I just love asian art!

Sorry about not blogging. I've been under the weather lately. I don't know if it's my allergies or if I'm fighting this flu that's going around. I sneeze lots and walk around with a stuffy nose, and then blow my nose lots. IT'S AWFUL!

My favourite sports tournament, March Madness, is starting and I'm so not in the mood for it. This is not good!

Did Bush's press conference change the anti-war minds of the SF Bay Area? KGO Radio did a poll on their morning news show, and surprisingly the people who agreed with President Bush were closer to those of the rest of the nation. Is this real or were those Republican Freepers calling way too much and messing up the radio poll results?

Here's an interesting theory on why time seems to go faster as you get older, Time of our lives is going faster, ever faster.

I went to the Lenten church class on confessions, and what a trip! A man who used to be an ex-catholic monk/brother taught the class. I've seen the man before in service on Sundays, and he also attends the Wednesday night prayer service I go to before my kerygma class.

Check this out. This man was a monk brother for 25 years, used to be the principal of a catholic high school, and still gets up at 4 am every morning to pray. He says it's out of habit. The man has apparently left the catholic church, and is exploring joining my presbyterian church. I don't think he's officially joined yet, because he said he was still in the process of leaving the church. He laughed when he told us this, and said it wasn't because of a sexual abuse scandal or anything like that, and that everything was okay with his leaving the catholic church. In my mind I was thinking, "really? they'd let you go that easily?"

I mean, what a trip, to be a brother monk for 25 years and then leaving the catholic church to come my very mainstream protestant church. I am dying to ask him why he left, but I can't. It's too rude and private. But my mind is full of questions!

He's also a very good lecturer. Tonight's session was on the early history of confession in the christian church. The man definitely knows his early church history backwards and forwards. He's supposed to teach next week's class which is on the modern history of confession. I already have plans to meet a friend, and I'm disappointed I'll miss his class. He's only teaching two classes, because he teaches another class on Thursday nights. He got someone to sub for him, because he really wanted to lead the first two classes on confession. No one else in our church is probably qualified to teach the history of confession, except this ex-catholic brother monk person.

I bet in next week's class, more of this ex-monk's history will come out. Man, I am dying to know his story and to ask him questions. I can just tell from the way the man led class tonight, that he is totally and utterly spiritual and has like the biggest heart of a gold. He comes across as such a gentle soul, and really forgiving. I bet he made a great brother monk person in the catholic church.

I am do so dying to know the story of why he left. He did speak very fondly about the reformed tradition, and what a great tradition it is. Did he leave over theology? What sparked him to leave the catholic church? The whole thing boggles my mind, and my imagination is running over time.

What's interesting personally as well, is how did he find my church? What makes my church so special that this ex-catholic brother monk would consider joining us? I mean, it's not like we're the only presbyterian church in town. We're not even the biggest; we're medium sized to small.

So many questions, and I'll never get them all answered. Still, I'm happy this man has perhaps found a home in my church. It makes me happy that he feels at home where I worship.

This is how crazy gas prices are getting here in the San Francisco Bay Area. On February 20, I picked up gas at Costco at $1.76/gallon. Today March 5, about 13 days later, gas at the same station is now $1.96.

The price of gas rose $0.20 in 13 days. It's crazy! I decided that if I start paying $180 for gas every month, which is about $5/gallon, I will take the bus to work. If I add up the price of gas and my hourly rate at work, it will be cheaper to take the bus even though the trip adds 2 hours to my commute time every day.

At the rate the gas prices are going, it might not be long till it reaches $5/gallon.

For Lent, I decided to give up chocolate chip cookies. I've been on a chocolate chip cookie binge since December. I fit them into my calorie count for the day, but I'm just totally addicted to eating two freshly baked chocolate chip cookies every night. It's very strange. I've tried to wean myself off the cookies, but I can't. There's just something about eating freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that is just so heavenly to me.

If I can give up chocolate chip cookies for the six weeks of Lent, maybe the addiction will stop. I rearrange my daily eating so I can fit in the chocolate chip cookies into my calorie total. How serious is that!

I baked what was left of the package of Nestle Toll House premade cookies in my fridge last night, and ate a dozen cookies. Horrible isn't it? I stepped on the scale this morning, and gained a whole pound from my binge.

I wonder if I'll be like a friend of mine who gave up drinking for Lent, and at 12:01 am on Easter morning popped open a bottle of champagne to celebrate. Does this mean on the morning at 12:01 am on Easter morning April 20, I'll have baked a whole package of Nestle Toll House cookies and have a chocolate chip cookie feast? I can't wait!

I'm already missing my cookies. I think I'll be cranky wanky till Easter! Yikes!

There was an owl hooting outside my bathroom window this morning. The owl was so loud! Usually I hear crows cawing and it makes me happy because crows are my favorite birds, but this morning it was a noisy owl.

I looked up "owl" in my animal totem book, and the book said owls are messengers. When I was brushing my teeth, I came up a great idea to open my screenplay. The second draft opening of my screenplay has my baseball player dude guy getting into a tax in front of Pac Bell Park, and we see the taxi taking him from the high rise luxury of downtown San Francisco and the South of Market to the lower to middle class neighbourhood of the Outer Sunset. I wanted to show the difference between my baseball player dude's professional world and his family's world. Plus, I thought it would be so cool to have the opening credits rolling over scenic shots of San Francisco.

Originally, I had a voiceover as my opening scene. I love voiceovers in movies. So what if it's overdone and overplayed, it's a tried and true Hollywood storytelling device. American Beauty had a Kevin Spacey doing a voice over, and The Quiet American has Michael Caine doing a nice voiceover. A voiceover sets the mood and tone for the movie, gives you background information, and tells you right off what the main character is thinking.

My screenwriting teacher suggested that I take it out, saying that voiceovers were so overdone. Well, they're overdone because they work. Reluctantly I agreed, but only because I didn't want to fight with her on my opening scene.

I love how the movie "About Schmidt" opened. We see Jack Nicholson's character sitting in his empty highrise office, with all his stuff boxed up, and just waiting for the clock to get to 5 pm. It's a great metaphor for Nicholson's character thinking that life will begin again for him after retirement. The movie then goes on expose the lie of Nicholson's view.

This is my new idea for the opening for my movie. I’ll have the baseball player dude talk to the cab driver. Like maybe the cab driver recognizes him and says he was a famous local player. And then at the end of the conversation, the cab driver says something like the more things change, the more things stay the same” or something like the “the sunset never changes – it’s stuck in a time warp”.

The conversation with the cab driver will give the audience background on the player, and the last line once I figure it out, will set the tone for the movie. I think I like the cab driver guy saying "them frenchies think the more things change, the more they stay the same. Maybe they've got a point. The Sunset hasn't changed since you left it".

The rest of my movie will then explore whether the cab driver was right. Does your relationship with your parents change after you've left home and made a name for yourself? Or do you get stuck in a time warp once you enter your parents' house, and you replay over and over again the same fights you had with them as a child, only now you're an adult. And, if you take the question out wider can you escape your past, your roots, your socializations, can you forge a new life and identity for yourself once you leave home, or are you bound to end up like your parents no matter how hard you try. I mean, ending up like your parents is fine if they're great parents, but what if you had totally dysfunctional parents? Are you doomed to be as dysfunctional as your parents?

How Nathaniel Hawthorne huh? How biblical! The theme of the sins of the parents being passed down to the children from generation to generation. And will there be a "christ figure" in my screenplay, who will stop the cycle of sin and destruction, and lead the baseball player dude to redemption and a new life?

How Easter and Lenten of me. Well it is Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras, the last call" before the expected reflection and abstinence of the Christian Lenten season.

It's interesting listening to the reasons why potential marriage partners on "Married by America" are being rejected the friends and family of the participants. I've heard some of these reasons before from boyfriends who broke up with me.

Some boyfriends have told me that I was too into my "career" and had too many outside interests like writing, and that they were afraid I would always be second in their life. They were right about this one, and I've had to really look at this one honestly.

Some boyfriends have said that I was too much into personal transformation and always changing, and that they were afraid that one day I would change so much that I would leave them. These guys were obviously too insecure to be with me. I'm very independent and into personal and spiritual growth, and some guys aren't into women with these traits.

A couple of guys said that they thought I might be smarter than they were, and they didn't know if they could be with someone who was smarter than they were. I never had guys say this to me, and although I was extremely flattered it freaked me out at the same time. I've decided that I could never be with someone who I didn't think was smarter than me. It would just be too strange and awful. I like guys who are very intelligent, and quick on the uptake. I dumped a guy once when he told me my conversations were too deep for him. It was hard to do, because frankly the man was playgirl gorgeous but talk about "dumb blonde". I just couldn't handle it, and when he got whiny that was it.

I'm bad. I'm watching "Married by America, but I can't help it. I'm finally doing my taxes, and I have the TV on as background. The show is so funny. They asked a group of the suitor guys about sexual appetite, and one guy just blurted out "that he's hungry, like he's at an all you can eat buffet". And the next guy afterwards said that he was "hungry too, and would do things like tear the wife's clothes off at the door." These guys are so funny! Cute as heck too.

I like the fact that they have roommates, friends, and or family choosing the person these people are supposed to marry. I mean, your friends and family should have your best interests at heart right?

I went to a screenplay reading by a friend from myscreenwriting class on Saturday. My friend worked really hard on his screenplay, and I know rewrote the thing 3 or 4 times and even went to two scene by scene intensive classes. But sadly, the new reworked screenplay from what I could tell wasn't that much different from the first draft I read.

I don't know. I'm freaked. I knew my friend had been really very hard on his screenplay, so I guess I expected to see a really improved verison. Instead it was more of the same. I know the written second draft of my screenplay is radically different from the first version, so I guess I expected the same thing to happen to my friend.

It must be such a bummer to have worked that hard, and still not have it your writing be any better. I think of how much work I've put into my screenplay. I write about 10 outlines before I even start writing, because it's so hard to get the plot just right. If I count the outlines I've written, which take 1-3 hours to write each, I'm on something like draft # 20. That's a heck of a lot of drafts.

I'm starting to freak out again about the strange concept called "talent". Do I have it? Does it matter? Everyone all my life who has read anything I've ever written said I have some talent, bad grammar but some talent. Like what does "some talent" mean? And when do you start admitting to yourself that you just don't have what it takes to make it, and that maybe writing is in the genes.

Like take weight. I'm never going to be model thin ever. I don't have the genes for that. I have the kind of genes where keeping my weight at a healthy level is always going to be a struggle.. I'm always going to have to be disciplined about what I eat and how much I exercise, but I have two sisters who don't watch what they eat and don't exercise and have never been above a size 4. Like what's up with that?

My poor screenwriting friend. I received an email from him this morning thanking everybody for attending the reading. He admitted he was disappointed, because he honestly thought he had a finished product. I can't believe he thought he had a finished product, and I have to wonder about the people in screenwriting group who may have told him he had a good product. Like what is up what the people in the screenwriting group? It makes me wonder if having other people read you work is even worth it.

Stephen King in his book "On Writing", that you should just have a few trusted friends read your work and that writing classes and workshops aren't really that useful. Is he right? I trust my long time writing group, but I don't know if I trust anyone else except my screenwriting and acting teacher to read my work.

Writing is such a mystery. You'd think it would be easy. but it's not. Talent is so subjective and fickle. I'm starting to wonder if it's really all worth it.

I was going through my papers, when I found a bone density report I had done at a health fair. My mom has osteoperosis, and broke her hip falling out of a chair a few years ago. The whole incident freaked me out, so when I saw the booth at the health fair offering bone density screenings I went for it.

For the bone density test, I lay down and went through a machine and had a dexa test. The test scans your body and measure your bones, as well as your body mass and your percentage of body fat. The report recommends what your weight and body fat should be, and then how many calories to eat to lose weight without losing your lean mass, and how many calories to eat to preserve your weight.

What's interesting is that the report recommends that my body weight should be 149.9 pounds or 27% body fat, and this is the weight I've been plateauing on for the last 6 weeks. According to my bone density report, I'm at the perfect weight.

The report also show what my body fat percentage will be at different weight. My goal weight was to weigh 130 pounds, but at that weight my body fat percentage will be 17%. All the health guidlines I've read say that a female should not go below 18% body fat, because there might be serious health consequences.

So now I'm like thinking, my weight plateauing because 149 pounds is comfortable for my body, and if I want to weigh less I'm going to have to fight my body. But I really want to lose more weight, because my tummy is still fat and I still have fat on my hips and thighs. Am if fighting nature at this point and is it worth it?

To have a 20% body fat percentage, I would need to weigh 136.8 pounds. I would need to lose 12 more pounds to have a boy fat percentage of 20%. The minimum body fat percentage I should have is 18%, which means I'd have to weigh 134 pounds. So my new weight goal is 134 pounds, which means I now need to lose 15 pounds. I don't know if trying to get to an 18% body fat percentage is going to work for me, but I'm curious to know what I would look like at that weight.

The bone density report recommended that I eat 1313 calories per day to lose weight. Anything less than amount will cause me to go into starvation, or so says the report. The figure is based on my lean body mass of 109.5 pounds multiplied by 12.0 So my new calorie average total until I lose the weight is 1313. I've never had a weekly calorie average that low before, and I'm not even sure if I can do it.

Rock star guy was very complimentary on my weight loss and new look, but then spoiled it for me by saying my jeans were too loose, and couldn't I buy tighter jeans. Men! I know rock star guy meant well, and probably just likes the look of a girl in a skin tight pair of jeans. I told him the jeans fit my hips, but were just loose on the thighs. Rock star smiled and said "thin thighs were a good thing." And I'm like "whatever".

It's probably not a good thing, when your city's police chief and other top commanders in the force are indicted in a lawsuit by a grand jury and will shortly be arrested, SFPD Chief Sanders, Asst. Chief Fagan Indicted Plot To Obstruct Justice Charged.

I'm sure newspapers around the country and the world will have a field day with this one. I can hear the steak fajita jokes in the city of the fruits and nuts starting.

SF Bay Area Politics is strange. There was a survey which said that 41% of the SF Bay Area agree with President Bush and the push for war with Iraq. In San Francisco the number drops to 25%. Nationally, about 63% of the american people agree with President Bush.

From SFGATE.com
<"While a 52 percent majority of Californians supports the plan to take military action against Saddam Hussein, that percentage rises in the Central Valley and north-state regions to 63 percent and falls to 53 percent in Southern California and just 41 percent in the Bay Area.

Binder said researchers, for the first time, also broke down support within three subdivisions of the Bay Area region and found further disparities: In "core'' counties such as San Francisco, Alameda and Marin, backing for a possible war effort stands at 25 percent, while toward the south in San Mateo and Santa Clara counties the numbers add up to 39 percent and outlying counties such as Contra Costa, Napa, Solano and Sonoma registered the highest level of all with 54 percent. >

But when it comes to the disrespecting the flag, now that's another issue.

KGO AM radio ran a poll yesterday morning on whether its listeners agreed or disagreed with Toni Smith, the Manhattanville female basketball player who turns her back on the american flag during the playing of the national anthem. About 60-70% of the KGO listeners, or two to one callers, voted that they disagreed with Toni Smith's behaviour.

Mr. Rogers died. That's sad. He showed up at my church one Sunday, and he looked the same in person as he did on TV. I was a little too hyperactive as a child to be into him, but I know alot of people who totally adored him.

The thing I don't get about the current housing bubble is how can the home prices be so high, when the economy is sputtering and so many people are out work. It just doesn't make sense to me. The whole thing reminds me of the tech stock bubble, before it all crashed.

I used to wonder why the tech stocks were priced so highly when hardly any of the companies were making a prophet. I mean, economically the tech stock bubble just didn't make any sense to me, so I never bought into the mania of investing in tech stocks for the long term. The tech stock boom was great if you could buy a stock for cheap, then turn around and sell it right away when the price went up. I think some investors did this, and made quite a lot of money. Most people, including money fund managers however, started buying the over valued tech stocks and held on to it for too long. When the market started to crash in April 2000, their portfolios tumbled and way too many people saw their 401(k)s turn into a 101(k)s.

The housing bubble reminds me so much of the tech stock bubble, especially here in the SF Bay Area, although the reports say it's happening all over the country. It just doesn't make sense that the price of housing is going up as more and more people are losing their jobs, and the economy is so shaky that there will undoubtedly be many more layoffs in the next two years. Who is buying these houses? Something is definitely off either in the numbers of jobless people, like maybe there really aren't that many, or in the housing information, like maybe home prices aren't really going up. I don't know.

It's scary to me though, because it so much reminds me of the year before the tech crash in 2000. There was so much media hype about the tech stocks, and how everyone had to buy, buy, buy. There were some doomsayers reporting about the tech stock bubble, but these folks were regarded as loonies. I bet the loonies still have a 401(k), and not a 101(k).

Then April 2000 came, and the markets lost about $1 trillion in value. I mean, sure it was all on paper that's still a ton of money to lose on paper. I mean, after that didn't you think that you couldn't trust the media anymore because they hyped the stock market so much? I don't know what to believe anymore, except when I hear the media hyping anything I just have to wonder why.

So rock star guy and I are going out tonight to either watch "Daredevil" or "How to lose a guy in 10 days". Rock star guy wants to see my new smaller body. He is such a good friend. He said that "no matter what you weigh, you'll always be cute." Isn't he just the sweetest guy?

Of course after that, I heard an earful about what I need to do to lose those last 20 pounds. Like rock star guy really knows about losing weight, since he's as skinny as Mick Jagger and has never had a weight problem in his life and all his girlfriends and his three ex-wives complain that he' s way too thin. But that's okay. Rock star guy friend is sweet and was just trying to help.

I'm going to wear my new tight sweater with the horizontal stripes, which makes me look I've had a rack job so I can look like I match my rock star friend. If only I could do the heavy makeup and big hair thing as well, but that's way too much work for me.

Wearing the size 8 jeans is strange. A friend thinks they’ve made the sizes all bigger lately to make people feel comfortable. The butt part fits right, but everything else is loose. These jeans are low rise, which is nice because I don’t curve in at the waist. I keep thinking I need tighter jeans, and am tempted to go to Macy’s and try on the Ralph Lauren size 6 pair just to see how they would fit.

I hesitate though, because I honestly don’t think my hips are going to get any smaller. When I was 18 years old, my hips were a size 36. No way am I going to get any smaller.

It’s just a weird feeling to have loose jeans in a size 8. What a trip! What a frickin’ trip, especially since I’ve been stuck on a plateau since January and haven’t lost any weight. I am lifting weights, and a friends says that my body is now getting tighter. And I’m like great, but what about my weight? I was 145-150 pounds for a long time, and I think my body is like “wow, I remember this weight, I like this weight. No way are we getting any smaller.”

So after all the months of dieting and exercising, I’m at the point where I was before I got fat. I’m at the last 20 pounds that I’ve never been able to lose. Mindboggling. It’s like time has stood still somehow, and I’m right back where I started from and I don’t like it.

It freaked me out, and I had a crying jags off and on all weekend. I’m having crying jags, and wearing my new size 8 jeans a size I haven’t worn since college and totally depressed because it feels like I haven’t made any progress in all these years. I hate this.

But not to despair because I have a plan. I’m cutting out 100 calories from my daily count, and I’m going to starting running three times a week. I went to the gym on Saturday and Sunday, and ran for about 30 minutes both days. On Sunday, I upped my speed to 6.0 on the treadmill and ran this speed for 10 minutes. I think this means I ran a 10 minute mile, which is like really fast for me. On Sunday at the lower speeds (5.0), I felt like I could run for hours.

It’s good to feel that strong again. It won’t be real for me until I’m out on out in nature and trail running, and powering up and down hills without being out of breath or breaking a sweat. It’s an incredible feeling to be able to depend on your body like that, knowing that no matter what lies ahead on the road ahead you’ll be able to power through it, conquer it without the road freaking you out and wearing you down. One of these days, soon, this will be a reality again for me.

I'm watching Page to Screen, and tonight's program is on the movie "The Cider House Rules". The movie was more than 12 years in development, and went through 50 plus screenplay drafts. Unbelievable, but unfortunately I think very typical of Hollywood and the movie making process. I don't think John Irving will be writing another screenplay soon, although he did win an Oscar for his screenplay adaptation.

Bad news for the SF Bay Area, especially Silicon Valley,
Picture grim for job rebound VALLEY FORECAST: RECOVERY IN 2011.

For the Tolkien fans, 'Elric Saga' fantasy series optioned. Interestingly enough, the saga will be produced by Chris and Paul Weitz. The Weitz's directed "About a Boy", but this time they will just be producing and not writing or directing.

This is a sad story, Alleged murder-suicide in Concord. The news reporter on the radio said that the daughter was mentally disabled, and the wife had Alzheimers. The neighbours are calling it a mercy killing. The details are sketchy, but it's so sad.

Did the father and husband just give up on life and said screw it? The man shot the daughter and wife, and then himself. What would drive a person to do this? I think the man was probably taking care of the retarded daughter and the wife all by himself. What a burden. And now the daughter is alive, how messed is that? If she lives, who is going to take care of her. Is it a good thing that the daughter is mentally disabled because then maybe she won't have to freak out about her dad trying to kill her?

And I feel bad because the writer in me is saying in my head, "there's a story there, one heck of a story". But what a sad story it would be to write. I guess I would only be interested in writing the story so I could speculate what would drive a person to do this. It would be a fictional account of course, although it would be interesting to see if someone else wants to find out the real story behind the news headline and will write the true story.

What would drive a person to such depths of despair, that he or she would kill the only two people he or she loved?

A few short notes.

Suprisingly, the movie "Gods and Generals" was sold out at AMC 1000 on Van Ness on Sunday. You wouldn't think this kind of movie would be sold out here, but it was despite the reviews. The movie theatre only had two showings because of the film length, and that may explain why it was sold out. If I want to see it, I will definitley have to think about buying movie tickets online.

The news is full of stories about the high price of gas in the SF Bay Area. I'm lucky, because I pick up gas at Costco where the price last week was only $1.86. The gas station is right near my office, so I can go during the day when the lines aren't very long. I saw a gas station in my neighbourhood that was charging $2.99 for full service premium, and they were people at the station. I guess for some people the price of gas doesn't matter.

I see gas guzzling cars on my daily commute, and I wonder what their gas bills are like. My car gets okay mileage since I mostly drive city miles, and average about 22 mpg. Still, that's better than 15 mpg. I have a small car with a small gas tank, but a short commute to work. I drive about 260 miles a week, and end up picking up gas every 10 days. When I put together my 2003 home budget, I expected the gas prices to go up and planned accordingly but maybe I didn't budget enough. The war hasn't even started yet, and already the gas is going up. I wouldn't be surprised if gas goes to $4-5 a gallon if and when the war does start.

Look for the economy to further tank when the gas prices go that high. I'm not looking forward to that.

I rented the movie "About a Boy", and although parts of it were funny overall I thought the movie was kind of boring. One interesting thing I noticed is that hippies are the same in England as they are in the States. Toni Collette was great. She has a great voice, so it was funny to hear her sing that old Roberta Flack out of key, great acting. She reminded me of Julianne Moore in "Boogie Nights, who had to pretend to act very badly in the porno flicks.

Maybe I'm over the "isn't Hugh Grant just a doll" trip, because he just came across as a sad twerp, and biggest creep in the world. I felt sorry for the little boy, and started thinking we are going to have a generation of kids raised by single mothers, if we don't already. Will society be different because of kids raised by single moms? In college, I didn't know too many other people whose parents were still together. Most kids were from divorced families where there'd been multiple marriages for both parents.

A male friend has a theory that if you were raised by parents who never divorced, you will eventually marry someone who had the same family background. He has never seriously dated a woman who came from a divorced family, and actually neither have I. All my serious relationships including my marriage were with men whose parents never divorced.

My parents had one heck of a rotten marriage, but they were old fashioned and catholic so divorce was not an option. My guy friend tells me that this is the reason we both have problems finding relationships. They aren't too many people left who come from families where the parents aren't divorced. That's his theory anyway. Sometimes I wonder if he's right.

I think I will have to definitely read some Nick Hornby books. Maybe the book was better, or maybe it's just me because a lot of critics loved this movie. I thought it was good, but not very deep and somewhat trite. But then again, I didn't think "The Wonder Boys" was that great of a movie either.

Now "About Schmidt" - this is a damned good movie! Review to come later.

I have a strange religious life. I was raised catholic in a church, that was from what I've surmised from other catholic friends, more protestant than catholic. The Marist priests who ministered at my church were college educated and intelligent, and preached mind boggling, serious half an hour to an hour sermons every Sunday. They sermonized about how to still have faith and believe in God and still live your life. They preached sermons that were complicated, and for people who were well educated. In the Sunday catechism that I attended, we read the bible and played "Bible Hunt", things that my other catholic friends never did in their Sunday schools. My catholic priests stressed that bible reading was important to religious life, and talked every Sunday about we should read the bible every day.

When I stared attending catholic services in my adult life in California, I was shocked at how different the service was from what I remembered as a child and a teenager. The priests either didn't preach, or when they did preach it was awful. They didn't talk about why it was important to have faith and believe in God. They didn't talk about the difficulty of having faith in today's world. Instead, the catholic priests at the churches I attended in San Francisco preached simple sermons like we were all 7 years old and living in third world countries, who didn't have to wrestle with our faiths. It was so disappointing.

When I started to attended protestant churches, I felt more at home. The ministers reminded me of my childhood catholic priests. They emphasized the bible and its importance to christian life. And most importantly, they had long sermons about why have faith and belive in God in today's world, just like my childhood catholic priests.

But now, my protestant church is becoming more catholic. For the Lenten season, they announced that there will be a Thursday class on personal confession. How catholic, personal confession. I'm going to attend the class just to see what they have to say about "personal confession", which I consider a "catholic concept". Then, they're going to suggest that the congregation find a "confessor" during Lenten week, who I assume will be someone you will confess all your sins too. And the minister mentioned a confessor is a "priest, a minister, a therapist, or a friend". I think he was actually suggesting you could go to a priest and confess your sins. What a trip. I'll have to get clarification if he was really suggesting going to a priest.

Many in the congregation are like me, cradle catholics. In fact, my church is made of all people from various denominations. There's definitely a southern baptist group, and I know there's methodists, episcopalians, and I think a few jewish people as well. Is that where theh priest reference came in?

It's weird how I attended a catholic church, which was kind of like a protestant church, and now I'm attending a protestant church, that's now adopting catholic type rituals. They even play catholic monk music and gregorian chants during the Wednesday prayer service. Talk about me feeling right at home.

Busy weekend coming up.

There's an orchid show in town, and I'm so looking forward to going. My mom raised orchids when I was growing up, and our house was surrounded by pots and pots of orchids. My mom is too old to care for her garden and she ended up selling most of her plants, but I still have good memories of spending ours looking at these strange looking flowers.

Orchid collecting can become an obsesssion, and take over your life. Orchids need a lot of care, and you can get into collecting all the different varieties. There's the time you spend trying to diagnose them when they're sick, and the best potting soil for them. Then there's the expense. It's an expensive hobby, with the cost of the plants, the pots, the special potting soil, the fertilizer, etc.

My mom was really into it, and spent hours potting and repotting her orchids, fertilizing and watering them, and then going to orchid shows or friend's houses to look at their collections. When I was little, I used to think that my mother's orchids meant more to her than I did. She spent way more time with them than with me. I used to wonder if she had names for them, but I was afraid to ask her.

I'm sure orchid care was easier for her than child care. At least orchids didn't talk back, do wrong things, disappoint her, or whatever. Orchids were always beautiful and you didn't have to tell them that they looked too fat or freak out that they were wearing the wrong clothes or needed therapy because their problems were just too much for you to handle, because you're the type who's too reserved, too stiff upper lip, too emotionally frozen to ever discuss unseemly things like feelings and emotions.

No, I'm not bitter about my mother. I've resolved her reluctance for motherhood, and now that I've spent thousands of dollars in therapy and growth and development courses, I can understand why orchids were infinitely more appealing to her than her own children. I can go to an orchid show, and have good memories, because orchids are beautiful flowers, but that doesn't mean I don't remember the effect orchids have had on my life.

Then there's a Tulip Festival at Pier 39 that I'm going to attend. The last time I went to the Pier 39 Tulip festival I was with my friend Amy, who died a coupld of years of a brain tumor. We had so much fun that day, although poor Amy was so sick and walked very slowly and was already starting to lose her balance and mind. That day was of the last good times we had, before the illness started to take over her life and eventually take her life. I love tulips, and during tulip season I buy tulips every week. They were the only flowers I could draw when I was little, and I love that what I drew on paper looks the same in real life.

The war comes close to home, sort of. A member of my church congregation saw his 21 year old son off to Iraq last Sunday. He was sitting at my table at a church luncheon, and the poor man burst into tears when he talked about saying goodbye to his son that afternoon. The son is in the marine reserves, and he will be on duty for one year.

At the Wednesday evening prayer service, that same man was there and during the service he started crying again. It's so strange to see a grown man crying in public. The man talked about how his son was so proud to serve his country and be part of the marines. The son was looking forward to going to Iraq, and showing his patriotism.

My heart goes out to the man. It must be the most awful feeling to see your child go off to a war, and knowing he or she may never come back. I cannot even begin to know what that's like. I guess the only consolation I see is the son willingly volunteered, and wasn't drafted. The son goes in to the war, proud to serve his country and knowing full well that death could await him down the road.

I watched the movie "Gettysburg" last night. I'd been trying to track it down at various video stores, and I finally ran across a copy. I wanted to watch it in preparation for the movie, "Gods and Generals".

"Gettysburg" is a long movie, and could have used some judicious editing. The subject is very good, but the movie is just so slow moving. Martin Sheen plays General Robert E. Lee and Tom Berenger plays General Longstreet. The movie shows the famous ill-fated Pickett's charge, and was quite good at showing the decision making process which led to that particular battle. Actually, it wasn't a battle, it was a slaughter.

One of these days, I'd like to go to Gettysburg for the Civil Wargasm or civil war reenanctment that they put on every year. It's probably the kind of thing where you have to make your hotel reservations very far in advance, since it happens on the July 4th weekend.

Pittsburgh has a museum with the largest collection of Andy Warhol paintings, so I could do a combined Gettyburg and Pittsburgh trip. I've been to Pennsylvania before, but I've only ever thought about it as "that long state you have to drive through to get to New York". I've been to Philadelphia to see the Liberty Bell, and I had a boyfriend whose grandmother lived there somewhere and we went to visit her once, but that's it.

I'm seriously thinking about buying Shelby Foote's series of books on the Civil War. I really like Shelby Foote, and what he's had to say about the Civil War. For my elf girl stories, I need to understand military strategy so I can write out the battle scenes. I studied a little bit of military history and planning when I wrote my senior thesis in college. My senior thesis was "the effects of Post Traumatic Disorder on Vietnam War Veterans".

I read all of these analyses on how the Vietnam War was not a conventional war, and how the US military was unprepared to fight a guerilla war. I read about US military training techniques at the time, and a history of how wars had been fought in the past.

The research was all very interesting, and I loved it. War is a very fascinating subject. There is so much logic that goes into putting together a military campaign, which is so ironic to me because war is just not a logical thing. War is the most irrational and illogical thing in the world, yet logic governs the fighting of it. Even guerilla warfare has a certain logic to it.

I got into Robert Ludlum's whole "Jason Bourne" series, because the main character was this extremely smart and logical man who put his "smarts" to work for him when he became a violent killer and assasin. I like the dichotomy of a person being that intelligent and at the same time being that violent.

My new favorite radio song - "Time like These" by the Foo Fighters. I really like all their songs, especially the last one from the Orange County soundtrack. They are a really good group.

I still haven't filed my taxes, even though I'm getitng a big refund. I just haven't had the time time to review everything, but I'll probably send it this weekend. I decided to purchase Itsdeductable, a software program that you can use to track your deductions. I mostly got it so I can fully deduct my clothing donations. With all this weight loss, I have alot of clothes that I'll need to give away. I went through my closet yesterday,and was able to fill three shopping bags. Most of the clothes I'm donating are clothes that are now too big and I never really liked anyway, or have some kind of problem like it's not stylish.

I'm throwing out 16 tshirts, mostly old ones that I haven't worn in years and are now just way too big. The Itsdeduductible program values things a little bit more than I was doing in the past, but not by much. I don't normally throw clothes away until they're pretty well worn, and I don't really have too many expensive items. I've tried to give away to friends the really expensive clothes, which they seem to appreciate. I go over to this one friend's house, and her closet is full of my clothes. There's something so comforting about that.

Aaaahhhhh. The ending of Joe Millionaire made me cry. How romantic, in that typical Hollywood way. Of course it was going to be a happy ending, this is still Hollywood remember, seller of false dreams and reality, people who show us how life should be not how it really is, even on a "reality show".

I knew he would pick Zorah, although I had my doubts. The other one, the bondage queen, was just too much into the money. Zorah never talked about money ever. Even at the end, I still wasn't sure what Zorah was going to do. I love that twist at the end when they both got to split $1 million dollars. I bet the bondage queen is pissed. Poor Zorah didn't even have heat for a couple of months and used the old trick of turning on the oven to keep the house warm.

I am looking forward to next week's show because now that I've seen the fairy tale ending, I want to see the reality. The next show reminds me of the Broadway musical, "Into the Woods", where they showed what happened after the fairy tale ends. Reality is never quite as good as the fairy tale ending, and I'm sure next week's show will prove that.

Another interesting thing to note about France, French carrier prepares for Gulf deployment.

"Paris opposes military action against Iraq without UN backing, but the deployment of the carrier to the Gulf could be a signal that France fears being sidelined if Iraq is attacked."

France is covering all their bases, aren't they?

This is interesting. Despite France's opposition to a war on Iraq look at what they're doing, France To Vaccinate 150 Health Care, Justice Workers Against Smallpox.

"However, Mattei said France is "almost finished" building up stocks of 70 million doses of vaccine - more than enough to cover the country's population of 61.4 million in case the threat becomes real."

If France is so sure that Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction, why are vaccinating and building up stocks of small pox vaccine? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Interesting. Even Pud from F*$@#edcompany.com said on the site, "So an estimated 100,000 pro-Saddam supporters in NYC were among the millions worldwide."

So a part of me feels weird because I'm not going to any of the anti-war protests. I didn't even support the first gulf war. But two people whose political opinions I totally admire, Thomas Friedman from the NY Times and Christopher Hitchens who used to write for The Nation, support the administration's efforts ainst Iraq.

Christopher Hitchens, who said the progress of any nation depends on the education and advancement of women, is a well known left wing socialist political commentator. Thomas Friedman, a columnist for the NY Times, who friends have said is the most balanced and fair political essayist at the NY Times. Both men, coming from different political perspectives, support a US led war against Iraq.

I think I've become more pragmatic as I've gotten older. I mean I've always been practical, but now I'm both practical and pragmatic especially when it comes to politics. The anti-war people haven't offered a more pragmatic solution to dealing with Iraq. All I seem to hear from anti-war people is this war is about oil, even though the US only gets 6% of its oil from Iraq. Or, they say that Bush is continuing the war that his father fought, even though Clinton himself bombed two or three places when Iraq kicked the inspectors out of the country in 1998.

Or, all you hear is anti-Bush rhetoric. I mean, I cannot help but think that if it were Bill Clinton or any other democrat in the White House, the anti-war fervor would not be so great. Deciding international policy based on partisan politics is not the smartest way to decide whether you support something or not.

If only the ant-war people would offer a more pragmatic solution, then maybe I'd protest, although I wouldn't attend the rallies only because they're run by ANSWER, an organization that is anti-american, supports the regimes of Saddam Hussein, communist North Korean, and supports Milosevich, the Palestinan campaign of terror against Israel, and the Chinese government crackdown of student dissidents at Tianeman Square.

Instead, I'd write my congresspeople or my senator. But until I hear a more pragmatic solution to dealing with Saddan Hussein, then I can't protest. We've had the inspectors in and out of Iraq for 11.5 years, and still the man has weapons. Iraq has already said NO to the UN peacekeeping troops in the country, which was part of the UN proposal France and Germany were working on. Iraq has already also said NO to destroying those missiles that violate UN limits for how they travel. Saddam Hussein is not going to ever willingly disarm, and since when has containment ever worked in international policy or in real life. Britian thought it had European aggression contained in the first part of the 20th century, and out of that containment came WW1 and WW2.

The original resolution seems wrong anyway. The onus is on Iraq to disarm and for the UN to inspect. I wish I knew my WW2 history better, because I'm wondering what the japanese terms of surrender were after WW2. From what I remember, Japan was disarmed and it worked. Did the UN not follow the japanse example with Iraq? I'll have to research this.

I mean, come on. What country is going to willingly disarm? It's a messed up situation from the get go, and there is no easy solution to the problem. But right now, the Bush administration seems to have the only pragmatic solutin on the table.

The rest of Saturday I spent trying on jeans. I got so tired of my baggy jeans, that I made myself go shopping. I tried on Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren, Tommy Hilfiger and Jones New York jeans. The size 8 for all brands fit, even the slim Tommy Hilfiger jeans. I ended up buying a pair of Ralph Lauren and a pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans.

I probably could have squeezed myself into a pair of size 6 jeans, but I've been wearing loose fitting jeans for so long that I started liking my jeans to fit loose and not tight. I never thought jeans fit right unless you had to lie down to put them on, but I must be getting old because now I like my jeans well fitting but not so skintight they leave marks in your legs.

God, I remember two years ago trying to buy a pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans and not even being able to squeeze my body into a size 16, which is largest size they sell. I mean, I could get them on but they were so darned tight. Now I'm the proud owner of a pair of size 8 jeans that are fit, but aren't tight. I mean it's not like my life has radically changed or anything with me buying a smaller pair of jeans, but I am totally tripping on my jeans shopping adventure.

Of course, now I'm like thinking about trying to get into a pair of size 6 jeans since I haven't even gotten to my goal weight yet. But I know that's not good. I should enjoy the pleasure of buying a pair of size 8 jeans, something which I haven't done since college. And now that I did spend some money on my size 8 jeans, I'm kind of hoping to stay a size 8 for awhile just to make the jeans investment worthwhile.

On Saturday morning, I went to the opening of the Gavin Newsome for Mayor Headquarters on Van Ness at California. Everyone was marveling at the turnout, especially on a three-day weekend. 300 people jammed the room to hear Gavin and his wife, Kimberly Guilfoyle, an assistant DA for the city speak.

Three well-dressed and expensive looking Pacific Heights matron types were talking about Newsome's future, since you can only be a mayor of San Francisco for two terms. They were saying maybe state senator, state representative, and the biggest prize of California poltics, the governorship.

Well, he's definitely go the Gray Davis style of fundraising down. Newsome's campaign has already gotten more money than the all the SF mayoral candidates combined. I'm even thinking of donating money. The man definitely has something. I don't know what it is, star quality maybe. He's got that special gift of making everything he says sound so sincere and so from the heart. I don't know him well enough to know whether he really means what he says, but even if he does or doesn't, I think he will always sound like he does.

Newsome did say that contributions from his campaign came from every zipcode in San Francisco. I wonder if this happens to all front runner candidates. The crowd gathered on Saturday was definitely a mix of people from the City.

I think most of the people there are like me, tired of business/politics as usual in San Francisco, the cit that can't seem to ever get anything done. I think what I like about Gavin Newsome is he's a pragmatist, not an idealist. I think he will shake things up at City Hall and try to get something done, and not just spout idealistic pronouncements and hope the city will take care of itself. It's almost worth voting for Gavin Newsome just to get back at all the left wing political freaks who have made it impossible to get anything done or passed in the city. I think Newsome will lead the city back to the center, and perhaps lift the malaise that has descended on San Francisco city politics.

There is nobody else I would really support. I don't want to elect someone who will polarize the city. The City has some serious problems, and we need someone who can get support from the right and left in the city. Yes, despite what you read in the paper, on the internet and hear in the media, there are conservatives in San Francisco. Not very many, but I think there are at least 10 - 20% who will actually admit to being a republican. My neighborhood is about 15% republican, and there were plenty of Bush/Cheney signs in people's windows during the 2000 election.

Personally, I would place the republican figure higher, but it's San Francisco and you just can't say you're a republican because you'd be ostracized, so the safe thing to say is you're an independent. But then if you don't register with a political party, you don't get to vote in the primaries, which I what alot of people I know do. They only vote in the General election, or worse, they just don't vote which is too bad.

I just bought a couple pairs of size 8 pants, and already they're getting a little loose in the butt area. I think I might have to starting buying medium sweaters, because the large sweaters I own are starting to hang on me.

I've washed my jeans in hot water, and they shrank a little. I'm going to keep washing them in hot water till I get them to the right size. This is weird, but even my panties are starting to look too baggy on me. What a trip!

I think the weightlifting is contributing to my smaller size, because my weight hasn't budged. I've lost an inch off my bust area, half an inch off my knee, and half an inch off my arm. I'd love to have nice sculpted arms, but not too sculpted like Madonna or Angela Basset. I definitely don't want my arms to look that muscular. Yucky! I'd to also run on the treadmill for either an hour without stopping, or increase my speed. That would be totally cool. I've always wanted to run a 10 minute mile. I wonder how long would I have to train to run that fast. A 10 minute mile would be a personal record for me. My personal best running record is a 2.5 hour half marathon (13.1 miles) time. That's about an 11.5 minute mile. A 10 minute mile would totally be a great goal to train and work for, wouldn't it?

Okay, yes, I got sucked into watching "Are You Hot?". I coudln't help it. I was so curious about what the celebrities would consider "hot" men and women. Thin is definitely in, but not too thin for women. Some of those girls looked so anorexic. For the men, the look is definitely to be buillt and muscled, but not too mucscled. Also watch those legs guys. No chicken legs on men! Some of the judges said the woman looked too hard, so the fresh look is in. And bone structure. For men and women, if you have great bone structure then you're ahead of the crowd. And youth. No oldies but goodies on this show.

Most importantly though, which is kind of cool, if you exude self confidence, are happy and smiling, feel good about yourself, and have a great attitude, then the physical characteristics aren't as important. This is good to know, isn't it? All that matters in the end is how you feel about yourself and projecting this out to other people.

The news is reporting that there are now 150,000 US troops surrounding Iraq. Wow, that seems like a lot of personnel. I was really grateful that someone in church a couple of weeks ago said a prayer for the troops. No matter what your opinion is about Bush and the upcoming war in Iraq, we should never forget to pray for the men and women who defend our country. They make it possible for the people back home to have the freedoms we do.

Sometimes at church, people forget to pray for the troops, and instead pray that we don't go to war. I mean, it's fine to pray that we don't have a war, but it kind of upsets me when we don't pray for our troops. It's probably not San Francisco politically correct, to pray for the people who defend our country, but I don't care. I just hope that if we do go to war, that the anti-war people don't treat the soldiers badly if and when they come home. I've read that the soldiers were treated very badly by the anti-war protestors, when they returned home from the Vietnam war. I hope history doesn't repeat itself again.

The soldiers are just doing their job, just doing what they feel is right, just exercising their right to defend the country, just as the anti-war peope are exercising their right to protest a war that they they feel is not justified.

I heard an interview with the editor of the Economist a few days ago. He endorsed the war. Thomas Friedman, the NY Times critic whom I totally respect for his knowledge of world affairs, endorsed the war. Ronn Owens said it right some time this week. Who do you trust more? Saddam Hussein or George W. Bush? Not that I voted for Bush or would reeelect him, but I definitely trust him more than Saddam Hussein.

As for the French and the Germans. I say follow the money trail. Iraq is France's and Germany's biggest trading partner. The US only gets 6% of its oil from Iraq. France and Germany are just trying to protect their supply chain and their revenue source. How bad karma of them! I think we will go to war, whether France, Germany, Belgium, Russia, China, the UN Security Counsel, and the anti-war protestors like it or not.

Some congressional representatives have even called for a boycott of French goods, and for the US to pull its troops out of Germany. I think we should do all of these things, but we need to also take it one step further, and cut off any American aid to any country who goes against us on this issue. Ungrateful countries! They bite the hand that feeds them. I hate that! Then if the US stays out of some country's affairs, like on the Israeli/Palestinian issue, these same countries whine and tell us we aren't doing enough for world peace. Make up your mind people! Mon dieu!

Ted Koppel just said something funny (not a direct quote), "it hardly seems like unseemly haste that we're going to war with Iraq, since we've been trying to disarm Iraq for 12 years and have failed miserably in the attempt." I totally agree!

I picked up a bottle of Bollinger champagne to take to the Valentine's Day party I'm attending tomorrow. Bolly's, how ABFAB! I normally buy Veuve Clicquot, a brand I've been drinking since 1991, but I was so curious about Bolly's.

While at Booze R Us (Beverages and More - it's like a toy store for adults), I also checked out the price of Cristal champagne which I keep hearing mentioned in the lyrics of popular songs. Wow, it's really expensive! On sale, Cristal will set you back $150, normally it's $200. I've had Dom Perignon; it's a very smooth bubbly which costs about $90. No Cristal for me this year, or any year unless my finances take a 1000% jump or someone else buys it.

I'm not a big straight champagne drinker. I rather drink champagne mixed drinks like mimosas or poinsettias (cranberry juice and champagne), or champagne cocktails even. The only liquors I really like straight are ice cold russian vodka, single malt scotch whiskeys, sherry, madeira, port, and good Kentucky bourbons.

Life is such a small world. I was listening to the radio news, and they were reporting on the verdict for the woman who ran over her hubbymeister three times with the Benz. A voice comes on, and I'm like "I know that voice." Then the radio announcer says it's Robert Pugsley, a professor at Southwestern University. Mr. Pugsley is a good friend of a very good friend of mine. My friend keeps telling me that Bob gets interviewed on the radio all the time when the media is looking for lawyer opinions, but I'd never heard him before.

Bob did the commentary for the OJ trial on a radio station here, and made a ton of money. He took the both of us out to dinner once, and jokingly said "OJ was paying our meal". It was so cool to finally hear him on the radio. He doesn't sound at all what he looks like, by the way.

I can't help and I know it's evil, but whenever I hear the story of the Texas woman who ran over her cheating husband with the Benz, it makes me smile. I'm like, the guy totally deserved it. The woman came home and found the husband in bed with his mistress. I mean, how tacky can you get. If you can afford a Mercedes Benz, you can afford to take your ho to a hotel.

That's what I don't get. If a guy must cheat, why does he make it so easy to get caught? I mean if a guy feels compelled to cheat, he should at least be discreet about it and not get caught, and certainly not get caught by his wife in their bed. The guy totally deserved being run over, and three times for the following reasons; 1) for cheating and breaking the marriage vows 2) for cheating in the bed he sleeps in with his wife and 3) for being stupid enough to get caught.

I finished God Talk by Brad Gooch, and while I enjoyed most of the chapters I wish he would have come up with a concluding chapter on what he discovered on how modern American worships.

The most interesting chapters for me were the first three chapters, probably because I had read, heard of, or knew of people who were practicing those religions. Chapter 1 was on The Urantia Book, Chapter 2 was on Hinduism in America, and Chapter 3 was on The Trappist Abbeys, Thomas Merton and on Catholicism. Gooch writes that the many monks at Gethsamini became disillusioned with their vocation after Vatican II, which made the Catholic church more modern. "Vatican II stripped down the wall that people were hiding behind ... now you can no longer hide behind the poetry of Catholicsism to sustain your vocation", commented a monk to Gooch.

One interesteing thing about the Trappists abbeys is that they sell products. The Gethsamani Abbey for monks Gethsamani Abbey sells fruitcake, fudge and cheese, and Our Lady of Mississippi Abbey for nuns sell candy. I am seriously thinking of buying their products to support them. They lead such a fascinating life of contemplation, work and ritual. You can vacation at the Abbeys for retreats, which I've always wanted to do. There is something so interesting about the contemplative life.

Here's a Valentine's Day fun thing to think about: Favorite romantic scenes from a movie.

Off the top of my head, no particular order.
1. "Ever After", the part when the prince asks Cinderella to marry him, and puts the beautiful shoe on her dirty stockinged foot.
2. "Persuasion"(1995 version with Amanda Root and Ciaran Hinds), the reading of the letter from Captain Wentworth, and then he and Anne meeting outside the house in Bath and kissing.
3. "It Could Happen to You", the part where Nicolas Cage and Bridget Fonda are planning to move to upstate New York.
4. "Pride and Prejudice" (A&E version), the part where Mr. Darcy tells Elizabeth he still loves her.
5. "Bridget Jones' Diary", the end where Mark Darcy kisses Bridget.
6. "A Room with a View", the ending where Lucy and George Emerson are kissing.
7. "Top Gun", the end where Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis are kissing.

I own all these movies except for Bridget Jones Diary. I'm not sure whether Sense and Sensibility had any romantic scenes, or if they did, there aren't any scenes that are sticking in my head. Same thing with Emma, although I thought about including the scene with Emma and Mr. Knightley where he tells her he loves her.

SF Bay Area Diners - Dine About Town has been extended! I'm excited. I spent way too much money eating out, but boy was the food really good! I think I dropped about $30 and up per meal, and I ate desserts too and didn't gain any weight. Definitley good stuff.

Monday night is TV night for me.

At 8 pm, I start with "Veritas, The Quest", the new show on ABC. It's about a group of scientists looking for ancient objects of power. I love stuff like this. It's an action adventure show, so they don't have the time to get too much into detail about the ancient power objects but they do enough where I find the show interesting and fascinating. It's like a modern Indiana Jones, only with a father and son and a group of scientists.

Then at 9 pm, there's "Joe Millionaire". Tonight's show was a teaser, and basically nothing new was revealed. Bummer. I'll have to wait till next week's finale. I can't wait.

Then there's "Miracles", at 10 pm again on ABC. Tonight's show was creepy. They didn't reveal till the end that the woman the main character fell in love with was actually a ghost. I was like, oh my god - the guy was kissing a ghost. God, I love that. I had no idea, and I wish now I had taped the show so I could go back to look for clues. I love "The Sixth Sense" touch. The ghost woman could use the phone and call and leave a message, but I don't think anyone ever saw her except for the main character.

I'm still marveling at tonight's "The Miracles" story line. I wish I could write a story like that.

The Art of Pacific Asia exhibit made me think about finishing a short story I started a few years ago, called "The Blue Haired Buddha on Union Street". When I used to hang out on Union Street, there was a giant blue haired buddha in the window of an asian antique store. I used to always stop by the window, and stare at the statue. I just loved the Buddha's blue hair. I don't know why, but the blue hair was so cool.

I like the blue haired buddha so much, I decided he needed to be in a story so I started writing one, but I never finished it. I knew how the story should end, but I could never figure out how to get from the beginning I wrote to the end I envisioned. Years later, a fun and fantastical way to get from the beginning to the end of my story came to me yesterday in the shower. It will make for a weird story, but I think that's okay because then I'll have finished the story finally after all these years, and sometimes that's the only important thing.