The Giants win Game 5 of the world series, and I have a writing breakdown. Life is great isn't it? I never hit the wall when I was running marathons, but I think I might have hit the wall with my writing. I tried to sit down on Thursday and write, and I couldn't do it. Then I just freaked out, canceled my Friday earling morning appointment with my screenwriting teacher, and started crying. I really thought I could get it done, but I couldn't.

I spent the rest of night watching the game, and trying to figure out why I had a writing breakdown. My conclusion was I was just tapped out, and I didn't know it. I hit the writing wall. I never pushed myself this much in my writing. I've had to do it at work, but not in my writing. I've had impossible deadlines to get stuff done at work, and I've gotten them done, but it wasn't without much pain and agony. I hate working under a deadline. I can do it, but I hate it.

TV episode writers work under intense deadlines to get scripts written, but they're writing one hour of TV scritps. I wrote an hour's worth of my movie in three days. Maybe that's the limit. Maybe you can only write one hour of movie time in a short period of time. I wish I knew.

I reread "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron last night. She says that you have to take care of the creativity well, and keep it stocked. She says to set small and gentle goals and meet them. I guess I didn't do that. I guess I didn't take of my artist child, and like any child, she threw one hell of a tantrum, shit fit and sulk all at once.

This was hard lesson to learn, but one that was probably necessary for me. I can't just write exclusively like I've been doing. Maybe I can do that work, because I've had, but creativity is different. I can't put my life on hold and write, and I did that for the script. I haven't been going out and I didn't rent any movies. I let myself watch the world series, but even when I was watching the world series, I felt so guilty for not writing. Silly huh?

I'm still mulling over my writing breakdown. I don't know if I'm lazy and undisciplined, which a part of me thinks, or if I just hit the writing wall and didn't know it. All I know is I'm exhausted and mentally tired right now, and I still need to finish the rest of my screenplay by Sunday.